The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, August 26, 1900, Page 7

THE SUNDAY CALL. Doctor &as Joo Hasiy. Concerning a late popular physlciax:’ | MMERCIAL REVIEW, WHAT THE MARKET REPORT SEEMED TO MEAN. i many stories illustrative of his quaint, kindly cualitiés of head and heart are j told. Ome ¢f the most amusing was about la runaway. y The doctor, as the tale goes, was sit- ting in his surgery one Saturday after- noon, when he heard a terrific hubbub, ‘and, looking out of the window, saw a runaway horse dashing down the streot. | Seizing his hat he hurried out and found | a big crowd collected about the curb. | “Anybody hurt?' he asked. i “Yes, sir.,” replied a bystander; driver's almest killed.” The doctor pushed his way into the throng and caught sight of a young man !whnse head was twisied to one side and | whose body was bent i:alf double, | “Ahal!” he exclaimed, wrapping one of }h!s bowerful arms around the unfortu- | “the r._ate's neck, “this is evidently a disloca- tion of the once.” Suiting the action to the word he seized | the young man’s elbow and gave him al herculean wrench. The victim howled' shoulder. I'll reduce it at vigorously and made frantic efforts to speak. 1 “Oh, doctor!” he ‘Oh. stop him, | me!” ‘ “Be quiet, you fool! said the doctor sternly, “‘can’t you see I'm reducing this fracture?”’ “But doctor--oh, doctor, w-w-want tol tell you,” stuttered the young man, “that gasped, ‘“please stop! I somebody; he's killing ! COEXN TOOK AN EARLY DIP VERY QUIET. * ‘Silence is golden.” ™ “Then Mr. Bore must surely be a mile I was b-b-born this a-away!" (\ \(.\ ‘\ ” /\//N\ N\ A7 ' - 1c"Bom this way!” thundered the med. | NORAITe- h \'1 54\;&.&3-1— > \__}\ 0, :uddenly letting him go. “Weren't | @ < k<% h AT A NP 3 nran o fin 5 you hurt in the accident just now?"” i (J “No, sir,” said the cripple humbly, “they’'re takin’ that feller int i o —New York Telegraph. s ——————e———— HE WORRIED "EM. Maud—Do you dance? | George—Er—no. Maud—Do you sing? George—Er—no, Maud—Are you an athlete? Gecrge—Er—no. ! FINALLY CRUSHED. A young and newly married couple were entertaining their friends, and among the | guests was one whose continued rudeness made him extremely objectionable to the rest of the company. His conduct, although almost unbeara- ble, was put up with some time, until at supper he held up on his fork a piece of i meat which had been served to him, and lin a vein of intended humor he looked Maud—Have you any hobby? around and remarked, “Is. this pig?” George—Er-—no. | which immediately drew forth the remark Maud—Why do < from a quiet looking individual sitting at bail? L e g At ! the other end of the table, “Which end of George—Makes the gels so dossid mad | the fork do you refer t0?"—Exchange. g) think they can't have m(-.—Pluk-Mu-i P. ! “Glad to see you, Mr.—Mr.—let me see,” ‘said the affable host, extending his hand. { “Your name is—I have such a wretched | memory for names—Smithers, is it not?” ’ Now, this had happened three or four ! times, lof it | “Yes, sir,” he replied. ! —Chicago Tribune. MISTOOK THE HOUSE. and the guest had grown tired “Still Smithers.” Tramp—I don't know where my | meal is coming from, lady. IL.ady of the Hcuse—Well, you've come to a pcor place to find out. This is no information bureau.—Smart Set. next | i i | CRABS WERE 0 T A THATI AR TOA TSR @ | AUDIBLE EVIDENCE. ! LOVE'S LONG LEASE. Mrs. Bascom—Does your husband en- | “They have been engaged for eight - ACTIVE. CUCUMBERS WERE EASY, joy sound sleep? years and are still in love.” Mrs. Baclot—You just oughter hear| “How wise of them not to end it all by him.—Londen Tit-Bits. getting married.”—Philadelphia Bulletin. 0 < AT A TAHTA AT A TSRO O SROATSES AT TSRT - o ) & LN Y, Magistrate—Discharged. PRESCRIBING A REMEDY. The young aspirant for literary honors took his first stery to his uncle, the old doctor, and asked his opinion of it. “Doesn’t it show some originality, un- cle?” he said. “Y-yes,” said the doctor reluctantly. “There is some originality about it, but I don’t like its moral tone. The sewers of vour fancy, young man, need flush- ing.””—Chicago Tribune. SO HE MADE UP. Brown—I saw you on the street with Smith this morning. I thought he was an old enemy of yours? Green—So he was, but I discovered that 1 had misjudged him. Brown-—-In what way? Green—I thought I could lick him.—Chit- cago News, = Potato Bug— What was the cause of the lightning bug’s demise? The Fiy--He broke a blood vessel trying to reach half a candle-power, ITS COST. “Is the anti-fat treatment expensive?” ‘“It cost me about $135.” “That was ridiculously exorbitant.” “It wasn't the medicines or the treat- ment itself that cost so much, but the tailors charged me almost as much for cutting down my five suits of clothes as I would have to pay for new. suits.”’ - Chicago Tribune. ITS REASON FOR BEING. “But why,” asked the amateur anarch- ist, for the twentieth time, “why do we need any law at all?” “Law,” said the flippant person, “is necessary for the conservation of our own property and other people’s morals.”—In- dianapolis Press. B AT A TR O A T O O O A O A O AT A SR TSR TSSOk @ GOOD REASONS. Magistrate—Why dia you assault this man? Prisoner—Well, your Honor, he first inquired if it ‘““was hot enough for me,” and then he asked me ““how would I like to be the iceman?” O TR TR TR TR TSR T TSR TR TSR TR OR TSR TS TS TS RATH @ TOO COMMON, Salesman—These collars are all the go. They are worn by everybody. ' Customer—In that case, I don’t think I care to buy any of them. Salesman—When I say @verybody, of course, I mean everybody of correct taste. And persons of correct taste are so-few, you know. Customer—I think I'll take a dozen.— Boston Transecript. NOT AT ALL SWELL. Caller—Your next-door neighbors seem to be quite nice. Mrs. Upstart—Huh! common people. Caller—Really? Mrs. Upstart—Yes. They pay spot cash for everything at the grocer’s and butch- er's.—FPhiladelphia Press, They's very plain,