The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, August 26, 1900, Page 2

o THE SUNDAY CALL. : “I tell you, golf is going to be the salvation of the nation. It is going to make athletic men and women out of our puny offspring and lengthen our days by decades.” “But our ancestors didn’t go in for goif.” “And where are they now? Dead! All dead'” O T X T AT RN T DX KR K DT RS TSR TSR T T AT A TR TR TR SRS T Tk T kT kT T A A @ WILLIE AND WASHINGTON. PREPARING FOR EMERGENCIES. PERVERSITY. HIS BEST SHOT The teacher related how George Wash- “Very well,” concluded the lady of the | Farmer—I never did see such an off-| Officer (to straggler)—What are you fngton had declared that he could not tell | house, “I will engage you.” { horse as Bender is. When I take one side | standing behind that tree for? The enemy s The. > ‘““Yes, ma’am,” said the pretty chamber- | .o . anention: b hiih ¢ 2% e 3 “Now, Willie,” said the teacher, “what | maid, “and I think I'd better tell you, | R —dat T i e T | et iierurvah! That's St (B¢ op- noble quality did this reveal in Washing- | ma’am, that I've got a steady beau that | .., invariably take the other? p‘rr'L‘u:it;' I've g l:r-.' waiting for; Fm a ton? 7 ; Ilf.{l very fond of, = | Farmer—Of course. That is quite an- | first class wing shot.—Richmond Dis- And Willie answered, saying: Oh, that's all right. | other matter. patch “Modesty.” “Yes, ma'am. So if you catch your hus- v 2 Of course there is no such person as |band tryin’ to kiss me you'll know it ain't | @ < A TAT O AT RS AT H TR TR T k0 TR TS TR AP Willie, but that is neither here nor there. | my doin’s.”"—Philadelphia Press. | . —Detroit Journal. , TR S HAIL, CHARLES LAMB. ART AND REALISM. Editor—And did you write this essay all Actress (indignantly)—I'll tell you one | by yourself? thing! If yvou can't drive the mice out of Lierary Aspirant—Yes; it is all my own this apartment I'll move! work. Landlady--Ah, shame on ye! 1In the Editor (recognizing the source of it)— theater you make believe to be the maid | Well, then Charles Lamb, I thought you | of Orleans and at home you're afraid of | died some fifty years ago!—Collier's! a mouse!—Meggensdorfer Blaetter. | Weekly. | 0 T AT A TR TR AT A DR OA TR A TR TR S AT AR OR T -] ! ANOTHER WAY. Dick (pensively)—Is there any way to find out what a woman thinks of you without propeosing? Carrye—Yes; make her mad. O TA T AT AT AT A TS A TITA TS AT ATSAT A T AT AT A ST @ PAUL'S ADVICE. “Hello, central!" A young man home from college, wish- “What number, please?" ing to inspire his little sister with awe “Give me Peking and connect me with | for his learning, pointed to a star and said: the palace of the Dowager Empress.” UNANSWERABLE, “All right.” “Sis, do you see that bright lttle lumi- “Is that the Empress?"* nary? It's bigger { .an this whole world.” “Yes; who are you?”’ “No, "taint,” said Sis. ", 2 “ s : “T am Paul Kruger, president of the Yes, It 1s,” declared the young col- South African Republic.” legian. “Well?™” “Then, why don’'t it keep off the rain?" I merely called you up to advise you | Was the triumphant rejoinder. to load your capital into a jinrickisha and A WARM O 3 "__Pi - 4 CO.IBIN/ get ready to trek.”—Pittsburg Chronicle- ol cnae INATION Telegraph. “Yes, the letter carrier perspired so = - gy that last hot day that it took me two )MPELLED TO MIS A S OVt o » 8 I% hours to dry out Charlie’'s Jast letter so “You ought to have seen me hustling | I could read it.” to get out of the way when the explosion “Poor man!"’ took place,” said Fweddy. “Well, T don't blame him entirely. It “QOld fellow,” responded Cholly, “I shall | was one of Charlie’s meost melting letters, regret it to my dying day that I didn’t | and besides that he inclosed a clipping see you. 1 was too busy watching the | of an early poem by Ella Wheeler Wil- minor effects of the explosion. Would | cox!”"—Cleveland Plain Dealer. you mind doing it now to show me how | you look when you hustle?”—Chicago AT A l’ls-\_l’l':\.\iT.-\GL-‘. Tribune. “David was a good fighter,” said the FIRESIDE COMPANIONS. professional pugilist, “but he had some hard luck.” Porothy—Papa, we girls have a new “You mean the David that slew Go- name for these men who call on us, but | liah?” “Hopleenotickybangwashnitsing ?"’ (Which is translated, “Why don't you drive the foreign devils out of your | never take us out anywhere. “Yes. He could have made a mint of eountyy?"; g Papa—What is it, daughter? money out of that fight if moving pie- “Umslugguzzlum! ‘“We call them ‘fireside companions.’ ”"— | tures had only been invented then.’'— (Which means, “M--m, make fine soup!”) Life, v. ashington St~