The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, August 26, 1900, Page 3

THE SUNDAY CALL. “THE REAL THING.” de ark! Newcomers (at their first sight of the canal—Hully Gee, kids! What de yez think er dat? There's old Mr. Noah an’ I Flight (o a Finish. Mosquito vs. Man. First round—Mosquito gets in on head and dodges away. Man misses right hand hook. Second round—Heavy fighting. Mosquito very active. Man missing several heavy left swings. Third round—Man forced to act on de- fensive. Mosquito has much the %etter of it so far. Fourth round--Man tries *s force the fighting, but cannot reach Mosquito with vicious upper cuts. . Fifth round—Man sparring for wind and locking for an opening. Mosquito con- fident and wary, and man does not land. Sixth rcund—Man evidertly very gtoggy. Mosquito quite fresh and trying to wear man out. Seventh round—Man fighting wildly and rushing furiously. Impossible to get any bets against Mcsquito. Eighth rcund—Man gives up and is counted out. Mosquite wins.—Boston Globe. i A el CHICAGO IDEA, “Y¥ should like to get a patent on this improved wedding ring,”’ said the Chicago inventor as he entered the Patent Office in Washington. “Anything novel about it?” inquired one of the examiners. “Yes, sir,” replied the Chicago inventor; “4t is adjustable.”’—Harper's Bazar. LOTS OF THEM. “De man dat’s dissatisfied an’ shows it - by workin',” said Uncle Eben, “kin be credited wid hones’ ambition; but de man dat shows it by talkin’ ain’ nuffin’ but a plain kicker.”—Washington Star. e e e e e e ey et e s S et et e e SIRISERES IS O ¥ ¥ T N D R RO RO RO OR RO OO OR DRI R ORD RIS EIET- S E T R T E TSR A @ BISHOPS TAKE UMBRELLAS. | SOME RANK OUTSIDER. Down about Sugar Grove there are sev- eral families of Kiplings, tillers of the soil and choppers of cordwood. One of them—the one with the freckled face—went to the postoffice at Gum Tree the other day to see if there was any mail for his people. “How are you, master. The Athenaeum of London is a very sol- | emn club and consists of eminent doctors, | Juiges, barristers and, above all, bishops. It was a rainy day; it was one of those threatening days, with which we are fa- | miliar during this disappoi summer, [ Lord Salisbury’ ‘retaries hat his chief was starting out ncheon at the Athenaeum. He | ing and one Hiram?"’ “I don’t think I've seen you since said the post- r the umbrella and offered it to the time when the most illustrious mem- Salisbury. “No. no,” said Lord Salis- | ber of your tribe came so near dying.” “I've lost too many in the Athe-{ ~“Which 'un’s that?” asked Hiram. naeum. 1 cannot trust the bish “Rudyard.” *“He must be one o’ them XKiplin's over PRESUMPTION. on Spring Creek,” said Hiram. “But I = ie ! cashier 1 Chicago Tribune. THE REAL GRIEVANCE. have you,” he demand- | the superintendent of a “Hard work doesn't kill,” said the ab- “The shortage in your accounts,” said I | rupt man, who had been asked for a quictly. -2 dime. I think the fellow was staggered by this “Worsen that,” renlied the tramp. “It for he trembled as I snapped the brace- | makes a feller orful tired.”—Philadelphia lets on his wrists —Detroit Journal. ! North American. O ¥ UFOOEFOOFOETE RO ORETEDIESEDESED RSP @ { » ". IN THE PUBLIC EYE. WU TING-FANG. CHINESE MINISTER TO U. 8. @ XN TR LR AT RO RO R TR TR G RO RDETSEES O THAT SUMMER FEELING. | NATURALLY. jic-Are you sure you will never love | ““What is father's attitude in the politi- eny one else? | cal fight?” asked the grave little girl's She—You wouldn’'t want me to be like | uncle. that “l don’t know exactly, but the last I not?” : heard about it they said that first he got it's the feelinz that I might fall | on his ear and next he was standing on with another man at any time | his head. I'm a great deal worried about % makes me love you all the more.”— | father.””—Washington Star. Life P R S 1 REMARKABLE PENS. GOOD HOUSEWIFE, ‘ wetogfins Weary Clerk—Have you any fountain | s » in, I love you Listen to my ! pens that won't blot when they are nearly eel here in the dust before | empty? Dealer—Why, sir, T have fountain pens “Excuse me, sir, but our carpets are not | that won’t blot when they are entirely Custy.”" —Fliegende DBlaetter. ! empty.—New York Weekly, as 1 kn | hain’t heerd of none of 'em bein’ sick.”— e e——" S ————e e e ettt ettt et e e et . e e e e e ettt e “He has known me only two days and he has put his arm around me.” H “You inean that he has known you two days and only put his arm around you once.” | R R R T R RS AT R TS R I D RS R R < @) | SHE HAD ALL THE COMFORTS. | NOT SO STUPID. John—Ah, ye should get married, Janet.; Minister—Weil, Johnny, and how are an’ then ye would ha’ some one to look | you getting on at the school? after ye. ! Johnny—I've left the schule noo, sir, Janet—Me! Sure, an’ i I'm 13 past, ye ken. Me get married! I'm as good as married now. I ha’ a par-| Minister (impressively)—Oh, but you rot that swears somethin’ awful an’ a | know, Johnny, I didn't finish my educa- monkey that chews an’ smokes, an' what | {jon tili 1 was 23. more could I ha' if so be I was married?— | Johnny (coldiy)—Did ye no’, sir? Ye Moonshine. /mun ha’ been an awfu’ thickhead. HIT HIM ON THE NOSE. Willie—Tommy James went and hit me | an awful crack with an apple. | Papa—On purpose? Willie—No, on the nose.—Tit-Bits. NOT IMPORTANT IF TRUE. Muricl—Your brother proposed to me during the service in church last Sunday Zoe—You mustn't mind him. He oftep talks in his sieep.—The Smart Set. MAY EXPLAIN IT. NOT OBTAINAELE. Student—The hair of our heads, cven.l are all numbered. Baldhead—Well, then, I'd like to secure | a few back numbers.—Smart Set. She—He says he loves me; yet he has only known me two days. Her Friend—Well, perhaps, | reason, dear. O THTH T A TH TS A OA AT AT A TR T AT R TA TR O TSR P that's the Johnnie Angle Worm—You big coward! own size? Why don’t you swallow some one your