The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, August 26, 1900, Page 6

Py (4] THE SUNDAY CALL. _J_Iflmzo] ;o_n«'._, ‘ | Jkep:ic:nd Deliever, A tall, lop-shouldered negro who worked | A young man who looked as if he about the freighthouse had taken a seat | might be about 25 years old was sitting ! on the platform: with his back against a|in the waiting-rocm of the depot. On his cotton bale for a rest, when a fat and | knee was a year-old baby. Presently the stocky colored man came across the street | baby began to ery, and the awkwardness and stood before him and gazed upon him | and helplessness of the young min were in undisguised contempt. This had con-{s0o marked as to attract gemeral atten- T sl tinued for a minute, when the one on the platform queriedr “Steve Boilister, who yo’ lookin’ at in dat distinguished way?"’ “I'ze lockin' at yo', sah.” “What yo' iookin’ at me fur?”’ “Two weeks ago,”” said the stoeKy man, as he flourished his right arm in the air, “vo’ slandered my character.” “Hu! 1 sent it frew de mail, and 1 dis- clused an extry pestage stamp fur yo' te reply wid. Up to dis date, sah, I'ze had no reply. I wants to know what yo' is goin’ to do about it.” “What 1'ze gwine to do? TI'll show yo’, sah! Dean yo' reckon yo' Kkin bulldozz me, Steve Bollister.” He took from his hip pocket an old handkerchief and from the folds of the handkerchief a piece of brown paper, and after two minutes’ hunting found a post- age stamp, and handed it cut, with the re- mark: “If yo' dun thought I hadn’'t de manly honor to save an’ return dat stamp, den yo' didn’'t know me, sah—didn’t know me.” “Sah.” replied the stocky man, as he ex- amined the stamp and put it away. “I ac- cept de apology and am no longer mad!”’ “If yo' hain't mad, den I hain't mad.,” rejoined the other,and presently they went across the street with their arms around each other to get a drink. e - — — WHY SHE WENT. Mrs. vonNBlumer—1 am getting so I care fess and less for people in the aggregate. That afternoon tea was a great bore. Mr. von Blumer—What did you go, then, for? Mrs, von Blumer—I wanted to see who was there.—-Harper's Eazar, VHILE THE R P — et én"'W//:nm-.“//""“/’/////// - She—Isn't the scenery delightful? He—Yes, indeed; and— tion. At this point cne of the waliting passen- gers, a faf and amiable looking man, crossed the yoom and said to the dis- | tressed baby-tender: “A young woman gave vou that baby to hold while she went to see about her baggage, didn’t she?” “Xes.” “Well, now, 1 knew it as soon as I saw you. You expect her back, I suppose?”’ “Of course.” “Ha, ha! You are iooking for every minute, ain't you?"” “I think she’ll come back.” “Ha, ha! excuse me, but I can’t help laughing. A woman oncc played the same trick on me. I was in Chicago. You're caught, young man. She tock you for a hayseed.” “Oh, she'll come back,” answered the young man as he looked anxiously around. “She will, eh? Ha, ha, ha! What makes you think so?” “Why, because she’s my wife, and this is our first baby.” ‘Oh—um—I see!” muttered the fat man, and he was in such haste to get back to the other side of the room that he nearly fell over a passing pug dog.—Buffalo En- quirer. i e el el e MUST GO, BORE OR NOT. The two men had talked for a time in the train. - “Are vou going to hear Barkins lecture to-night?’’ said one. ““Yes,”” returned the other. “Take my advice and don't. he is an awful bore.” “I must go,”” said the other. “I'm Bar- kins.”"—London Tit-Bits. [ ENS SN Tal TP Tail TR0 Tat FUF Zu¥ T a8 T T EuS S ane S CLOUDS the air is so clear, bracing and invigorating. Q- FTETRTRET PR TR SRR SEIETETSETS YOS | SERVED HIM RIGHT. 1le carefully prepared the small garden plat, while his wife, deeply interested in his labor, stood watching him. After he had put in the seeds and smoothed over the bed his wife teok his arm to accom- pany him to the house, and on the way “\When will the seeds come up, John?"’ Layving his hand caressingly on her shoulder, the smart man said: “1 don't expect them to come up at all, my dear.” “You don't!” she exclaimed. ‘“Then why have you gone to all that trouble?” With o smile that springs from superior knowledge he answered: “The seeds won't come u- but the plants and flowers will, by-and-by.” Yet he was wrong, for his neighbor's hen got into his garden and the seeds did come up.—Collier’'s Weekly, IIAD NO RIGHT TO KICK, First Crook—Wot | says is, Why should a pore man pay rites and taxes—wot does the country do for ’im, 1'd like ter know? Second Crook—Wrell, don't you talk— they keeps you in board and lodging and free 'air cut six months a year, so you carn't grumble!—Moonghine, DIRECTING HIM. Beggar—My dear sir, won’t you help me? 1 have no piace to lay my head—"" Mr. Savidge—Oh, indeed! Wgell, there's a railrcad track abcut three blocks farv- ther on.—Standard and Times. _HAD AN OBJECT. “After I had watched a colored man fishing in a South Carolina Lrick wvard pond for about forty minutes without pulling up his hook,” any fish there to be caught.” ‘“ *No, sah, I reckon not,” he replied. “'But you seem to be fishing.’ "-*Yes, sah,’ *“ ‘But, perhaps you are not fishing for | fish? “*‘No, sah.’ “I waited ten minutes for him to ex- plain, but as he did not I flnally asked him what particular object he had in view. ‘““De objick, sah,” he repeated without taking his eyes off the pond or moving the pole—‘de objick of my fishin' fur fish whar dere hain't any is to let de ole woman see dat I hain’t got no time to pick up de hoe and work in de truck patch’ " "— Washington Post. HIS BEST FRIEND., “I understand, sir, that you referred to me as a dog.” ‘“‘No, sir! You are mistaken. 1 con- sider a dog man’s truest and most faithful friend.””—Philadelphia Press. UNNATURALLY LARGE. “Yes, sir,” said the actress, haughtily “that is my figure—one thousand doliars per week."” “Um—er—don’t you think,” responded the maneger, thoughtfully, “your figure | is—er—a little bit padded?”’—Smart Set. I hear that ' ROLLED BY. 1 said the traveler, | *“I asked him if he thought there were | | I i V& >y < 2z ¥ T COOKS SCARCER THAN HUSBANDS. - I "y z, Cook—1I can’'t put up with your husband’'s treatment any longer, ma am. Mrs. Brown—Thenr I'll get a divorce. LEFT OUT THE MAIN DEFENSE. An ex-justice of the peace tells the fol- lowing story: During the time he was In office a young man was brought up before him on the charge of gambling. The evi- dence was conciusive, and the Judge im- posed a fine, which was paid on the sget. a fey moments’ conversation. paid, and it's settled as far as that goes, but I want to tell you how it happened. You see, the cop told us if we didn't stop he’d run "us in. Well, we were piaying a jackpot. I had an ace, three queens and a king before the draw. 1 discarded the ace and king and drew another queen. There were good hands out against me, and they tried to bluff me out, and I know is what you would have done in a case like that."” “Stayed with them if the gallows had been in sight,” cried the excited Judge. ‘“Why in the name of common sense was ! not that evidence brought out at the | trial?"—Salt Lake Tribune. EXCUSE OF THE SERVANT. ? Lady—Well, Mary, you have chosen a i hymn very appropriate to the lesson. But { what made you choose that particular i Mary—Please, miss (stammering)), 1—I don’'t know, but it's the same number as my policeman.—The King. | } LEADING QUESTION l ‘“That gentleman who is being intro- idm-nd to Miss Blinks is a free thinker ™ | | ‘“Which is he—a bachelor or a widow-l er?'—Brooklyn Life. @ TR EIT RTSRET BT T R TS RT RHT R T, PT R RT RT, R < When the case adiourned the defendant | remained behind and asked the Judge for | “The case | is over,” he began, ‘‘and the fine has been | stayed with them. Now, what I want to | IMPRESSIONISTIC, “The sky was as brigh the great emerald in t and beautifu! as the Czar’'s diad-m “But, my dear, emeral green—"" “—in the foregrourd an oj i threaded its way—" \re a’escent brook f “Nonsense! Brooks are never opa’es- cent——"' “—beneath the shade of a pink tree a green cow stood contentedly chew.ng { her—" “Tobacco?"" { “How do you expect 1 can read when | you interrupt me every minute?” “Well, what rort of nonsense story are you trying to write, anyway?” “Why, it's not a story at all, dear, but a description of the prize landseape at the { annual exhibition cf the Amateur Impres- sionists’ Society.”"—Smart Set. GRIM BUT PRECISE. “Is you father going to be back soon?™ asked the stranger. “Y dunno,” answered the small boy in leather clothes, who stood at the door of a Crimson Gulch dwelling. “Pap has a purty good hoss, but so has some of the folks on the vigilance committee. I reckon I'd figger on pap’'s gettin® home in about twenty minutes or never." —Washe ington Star. NOAH'S BEAD BOYS. “I don’t suppese Noah ever had much control of his three boys.” “What makes you think so? | “Oh, they had the whiphand of him, | you know. Every time he called them to | account they could threaten to have him court-martialed for running the ark aground.” —Cleveland Plain Dealer. | @ T AT AT TS AT AT AT AT T O TR TR TSR TSR AR @ | trip? | Mr. Newwed—Certainly, my darling. i said he had been crossing the ocean for twenty years and drowned. REASSURED. | Mrs. Newwed (on her first Yoyage)—John, dear, do you thiak we'll have a safe P < I've been talking to the captain, and he that be’'d never been