The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, August 5, 1900, Page 7

HER PROVINCE. ; what do the papers mean when they speak of the ‘aggressive policy’? motiher.” R T B e e S RS ] KIND OF HER. SHE W SENSITIVE. by, Mr. Green. om It Ask ) C- AS AS “Your face is like an open book,”” sighed Mr. Softleigh to Miss Gooph, accompany- ing the remark by hat he thcught was his most winning s ] “If I had as big would not talk ! of th X It was so | does father s me one to talk mouth as yours I other people's,” : lady as she flounced out | I > the young ma > i, unmistakabie > desired to be compli- | > American. | Miss Brown i of t »ou y Ponver- SOUNDS STRANGE. “My children,” said the Patriarch, “fol- | low in my footsteps and lead a fast life | and yvou will be honored.” : advice from the father of a ailyv? i when you take into consideration | that it was a race horse who | g.—New York World. ! | ] 2¢ ...x the was speal ot fact 1 A MODERN EXAMPLE. —Wasl by Nodd—I wonder if miracles will (A\\r' happen again? | Todd—One happened at my house only | the other day. A thunderbeolt struck with- yin a few feet of my wife and she was | speechless for thirty minutes.—Detroit | Dealer. ; Pree Press. f 1 you find it out?” her bill."”’=Cleveland Plain .2 CIR . ottt . L L e e S e e | - — — - | t HE AGREED WITH HER. “1¢f vou don't want whisky to get the best of you, you must get the best of whisky.’ o € ¢ % lady; but when a fellow’s only got a nickel”— | kept two dogs always trained on b away? Fisher—Wall, mo. I never play that dodge. what a big one it was that got away you kin set him down as a lar. DEPENDS ON THE CIRCUMSTANCES. - Spectator (contemplating the catch)—I suppose your biggest ones all got When a feller tells you about “But occasionally there's a little truth in sech yarns, after all!” it i@ Wasn’'t What He Wanied. He was a bronzed youth and a cute little pink madras bow peeped from his rubber Follar. He entered one of the many rooms in the City Hall and walked up to the _ desk. “We are going to get married,” greeted, he “and I hope you won't give us | away before things are straightened out.” The gentleman behind the desk looked up. oing to get married, eh?”’ “Yes, sir; just as soon as we can get a parson.”’ “From the “Just got im this morning, man i on the trail.” “Whose old man?” “Em's old man.” “Then you must be runaways?” “Just that way. You see, Em's ain’t got no particular love for told it down the river store country?” and the old 10t e me and that he me."” in “But love will find a way.” old man | .vesf}erday she said she loved me enough to fiy.” ! *“Then I suppose you flew?” “Flew! Why, man, we made for the station like the wind. Just had time to | eatch the train, too.” l ““I suppose her father gave chase?”’ { *“Oh, he came down in a sulky; but the | train was out of sight.” | *“Then you are safe?”’ i “Safe nothing! Her old man is just the { one to heat up the wires with messages. | Reckon the detectives are bound this way. How much is the license?” The gentleman behind the desk looked puzzled. “Who told you to come in here for a li- cense?”’ : “Why, a man out in the hall.” “Then you would betfter find him and challenge him to a duel.” { *“Why, ain’t this the place to get a mar- riage license?"” “Yes sir; and the cowshed was the way. “No; this is the place to get a dog li- 1 met Em down there every sunset, and | cense.””—Chicago News. L A S SNAPPED THE “RUBBER.™ ACROBATIC. A voune A voung man of this city rang up a lady acquaintance c¢f his on Court street some days ago, but instead of her answering the phone herself her elder sister did so. The young man recognized the difference at once and said in a suave, mellow voice: “Won't you please <deliver a message to Miss Clara?” Delighted at the prospect of carrying a message that might result in giving her e insight into the relation that existed stween her sister and the young man at the other end of the line she answered: “Why, certainly, with the greatest of pleasure.” “Well, tell her to come to the phone.””— Memphis Scimitar. THEY'RE ABUNDANT. “Have you adequate police protection for your house?” asked the burglar alarm agent. “Yes, indeed,” said the housekeeper, in a tone that earried conviction. ‘“We have the pre Brooklyn Life. SPIRITUAL BADGE. “Christian science is ahead of the other gects on one account.” “What’'s that?” “Jts advocates have got out g souvenir spoon.”’—Indianapolis Journal, est servant girl on the block.”— ! After supper he procured his wife's best clothesline from the back shed, fastened one end of it to his St. Bernard’'s collar and the other to the handle bar of h!s bi- cvele. Then he went out into the middle of the road and mounted. For about four rods, that is, until the St. Bernard espied a canine friend, the sensation was dream- like. After that it became one horrible nightmare. In desperation the rider clutched handle bars, back pedaled and { fairly howled, until at iast he became suf- ficiently cool to call to the dog to stop. It stopped all right, but the wheel had motions of its own. It went on till it struck the dog amidshins then it rose into the air, sending its rider toward cloud- land. His head tried conclusions with the curb and when they brought him to he promised his wife never to do it again.— Detroit Free Press. NOT UNCOMMON. . “Bredren,” said Parson Black earnestly, “dere am some folks in which the still, small voice ob conscience keeps a-gettin stiller an’ smaller, until at las’ it 'd hab ter 'arn de deef an’ dumb langwidgeif it wants ter uttrack dir attention.”’—Puck. Mrs. MeCanty—An' ye've raised quoite a big family, Mrs. Murphy? Mrs. Murphy (with pride)—Seven polacemin, Mrs. Mc= Canty. ——————————