The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, August 5, 1900, Page 6

THE SUNDAY CALL. AFTER THE DIVORCE. | “J suppose you are now prepared to say that marriage is a failure?™ | ) | “No; I'm not. AN OLD IDEA. I had nothing when I married him three years ago and now I have sufficient alimony to support me bountifully.” L T T S S e e S 2 S e 2 2 2 2t e S e e e 2 2w e i } “Dese hoss'less kerriges ain’t so much,” | said Mr. Erastus Pinkley. “Dey’s all de talk,” replied Miss Miami Brown. “Co'se dey is. scheme. What were de fust steamship but a muleless canal-boat?"’'—Washington Star. The size of the tongue in the human race bears no relation to the height the individual. For instance, the of a woman five feet in height is fre- quently longer than that of her husband who rejoices in 6 feet 2 inches. =P, ESPECIALLY AFTER HE'D LOST. *Is it true that vou wouldn’'t stop playing poker to eat?” “Not exactly. “r‘.nminutiun and he's ready to tap his bar- | rel. But it's a back-number | lan ot tongue | But frequently after playing poker I stop eating.” A Delighiful Chat. He— scarcely thought you had re- turned to town. Her Sister—Oh, yes; we brought QOur pastorale to quite a sud- den close— The chilly weather. He— Too bad! I suppose Your sister, also, bas re- turned? And how— Her Sister—Oh, she's quite well. She’s not at home just now. Ah! What a charming season we have had! Her Sister—Just charming! Yet it makes one feel so glad to be in | town. Yes, truly. Did you say ‘ You thought your sister would | stay long away? ! Her Sister—Oh, no. She meant to make a ‘ call or two— He— He— e NOT FUNNY TO PLUNKSLEY. | RO LT | First politician—Ola Plunksley wants the Second politician—All right. We'll him a run fcr his money.—Puck. HIS IDEA OF IT. | Mamma (to Bobby, just returned from ! afternoon party)—What kind of re-! freshments did you have, dear? Bobby—Liquid. i Mamma—iiquid? Bobby—Yes; us fellows all skipped out! and went swimmin'.—Puck. i i ] R\ Lady—The dog you sold me last week Dealer—Well, you said you wanted a | EXACT. ‘ =t r i Miss Sentiment—Were you ever disap- [ pointed in love? Eligible widower—Two and a half times. Miss Sentiment—Two and a half times? Eligible widower—Yes; twice married and once rejected.—Omaha Bee. HOTEL ATTRACTIONS. “Yes, he started a hotel, and he's made a hit, too. You know the old-established place across the street advertised itself as ‘a hotel without the discomforts of i home.” "—Philadelphia Press. THAT'S GENERALLY THE WAY. “When a woman says she will marry a man if he will give up his cigars,” says the Cornfed Philosopher, ‘‘that means she { is going to marry him anyway--cigars or no cigars.”’—Indianapolis Press. ! SUSPICIOUS. “What did the teacher tell about to- | day?” asked the boy who had run away from school. “About Samson and the way a lady cut his hair,” answered the boy. *“I don’'t be- lieve it. It's another of the stories these Schley people have gotten up.”"—Washing- ton Star. THE CORNFED PHILOSOPHER. “Tact,”” said the Cornfed Philosopher, “is best shown by its lack in the person who asks a newspaper poet if he isn't a reporter.”’—Indianapolis Press. 80 nice to find you here—I, Her Sister—She went out ! SHOWE Just after luncheon. He— Well-ah—as 1 sald, The Northern negro has the clearer head; His mental qualities have far outgrown Those of the Southern ne— Is she alone? I might walk down to meet her. Her Bister—(With sarcasm.) Yes, you might. He— Though, to be sure it is de~ Hghtful, quite, To chat with you. The negro of the North Has had a wider chance of branching forth, Wherecas, the negro South, at home— You don’t exactly know which way she’ll come? of the He— What are you reading? Is it } Her Sister—I don’t— something new? | He— The negro of the South, well, Her Sister—A very clever, comprehensive | he— scereed ; The negro of the South—in Upon the negro of the South. | fact, you see, He— Indeed! ! He naturally is—er—ah—of That should be interesting. I| better stock, have seen | And finer grain. It must be Much of the Southern negro. | 5 o'c ock. Has she been | I really ought to go. Tell her Long gone? t ve found Do you expect her soon? I The book we spoke of. I wiil mean your sister. bring it 'round— Her Sister—Not just yet. Yes, his association with the He— Ahem! Of course, whites has made | The negro of the South lacks Him gentle, cultured, grace- - mental force, | ful. X Such as the Northern negro The negro of the South—he— shows. No doubt R“";””t‘“ ‘:"u‘i R » espect, Oulic seem — She ",, come in time for din- Jove, ah, there she is! ner? —MADELINE 8. BRIDGES in Truth. O B e e . D IT. came very near eating my little boy. dog that was fond of children, didn’t you? b.0.0..5.0.5.4 L :, OQ“!QO'_". RO e Ot A DISCREPANCY. This thing they call money's a mystery stern. The study—there’'s no way of ending it. It's something that takes days of toiling to earn, But a minute's sufficient for spending it. —Washington Star. MODERN TEST. “He_is a great man,” said the stricken voung woman. “Oh, I don't knoew,” answered Miss Cay- enne. “I haven't seen any magazine arti- cles written by him about himself," — Washington Star. awe- NOT EXACTLY BASEBALIL. Dolly Swift—Why are so many of the girls fairly throwing themselves at young Munniman? Sally Gay—Because he is such a good catch, I presume.—The Smart Set, QUITE REASONABLE. “Freddy, tell pa what you want for your birthday."” “Oh, pa, I want a tent in the back vard, an' a gun, an’ a grea’ big cigar store in- jun.”"—Indianapolis Journal. CONFIDENT. ‘“Have you ever loved before?’ asked, gasing at him tenderly. “Oh, yes,”” repiied the racing young man. “I've had four false siarts. But this is a sure go now.”"—Philadelphia she | North American.