Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, September 29, 1901, Page 17

w. SCE IN WASHIN cart of promirent OMbiers of e Amy ond Novy 'ON DURING THE FUNERAL OF THE LATE PRESIDENT M'KINLEY Photos taken specially for The Bee Selections from the Story Tellers’ Pack N ENGLISH woman lecturer tells two good stories on herself “l1 was on tour through the provinces," she says ‘One night, as I appeared on the platform in a mall tcwn, the chairman introduced me to fln_\ audience in the following way “*You have heard of Mr. Giadastone, the grand old man. Let me now introduce to you the grand old woman MISS EDITH SMITH, SEVENTH QUEEN OF AK-SAR-BEN, IN HER CORONATION COSTUME “This was intended as a sincere compli- ment, ‘On another occasion a bluff old farmer who boasted his ability to look on all sides of a question, announced me as follows “ “This lady's come here to talk about her right,’ he said. ‘She's hired the hall and 80 she's got a right to be here and if any of you don't like what she's got to say you've got an equal right to walk out in the middle on't."* =1 The great Macready, in his favorite role of Richard III, was wont to take liberties with his text, apropos of which literary oftense an amusing story is handed down among provineial actors, relates Lonlon v 8. In Macready's version of the play a messenger was made to enter in act IV and report “My lie the duke of Buckingham is taken,” whereupon the tragedian would bellow out in stentorian tones “Then off with his head!" Ma¢ ready regarded this speech as the concen trated essence of “fat;' indeed. it never failed except on one memorable accasion. to bring down the house.” On the n it in & qguestion the super who played the messen- ger 1 resolved to cheat his chief out of the usual vociferous applause As the story runs, Macready had sternly reproved the man for some breach of duty and the super burned for revenge The play was received as well as usual, the audience responding with enthusiasm to Macreadv's ®wbust art And the great moment came when the in thunderous tones his order for the de capitation of the shifty duke (To him enter super.) N Super (in a high squeaky volice) liege. they've caught the duke o' Buckin- fo m popular tragedian was preparing to deliver and thurriedly) they've cut oft ‘Is ‘vad Macready stood for a moment, speechles from disgust, but his sense of humor did not fail him “Oh, they have, have they?” he replied ironically ‘then you've apoilt the whole blessed play It was 1 o'clock in the morning, relates Brooklyn Life In the deepest shadow of the piazza of the little suburban villa in which our story opens sat two burglars, earnestly discussing the affair that had brought them hither, A light in one of the upper windows, which had only just been extinguished, had made them postpone for a while their attemnt and this delay had given the first burglar an opportunity to ask his partner the cir cumstances which had led to this particular graft ‘The woman who occupies this house, whispered the second burglar, “has $10,000 in cash. She drew it out of the bank yes- terday and tomorrow she will turn it over to the old and trusted friend of her late husband." “Who is he?" asked the first burglar “‘He's an old cove they've known all their lives. He's going to advize her how to in vest her money. In the meantime, she's got it all upstairs with her in a black bag." I'he first burglar was silent for awhile Jim," he said at last, "I haven't the heart to do it. She's a widow. Let's wait.' ‘Wait!" exclaimed the second burglar ‘For what ?" ‘Why, said his companion, “wait until the old cove has it. Then rob him." — One of the best stories illustrating th fanger that lies in ambiguously worded telegraph dispatches is being told about a New York lawyer of large means and ade quate knowledge of the value of the dollar His wife had gone to an auction sale of laces, ¢ which she is inordinately fond, and had seen some pieces which took ber fancy. The price was $2,000 and she hesitated to make the purchase without asking her husband whether she should do s0. She did so and received this reply laces and so s generosity, returned that dispateh he had sent Price too high learned that He got on the train at a way station and Photo by Rinehart Republic He was long, lean and lanky FFirst he looked out of the car window and then at me Sitting per into his seat he suddenly remarked “Dry day, e¢h I merely nodded my head atirnatively Do you drink, young man I said 1 didn't mind it 1 qid He said he would mind, though ‘Iar thermore,” he continued, 1 am surprised that a man of your modest appearance, with eyes denoting Christian breeding, a fore head denoting good moral character and a mouth too pure to withstand the taint of intemperance, should be willing to indulge in the flowing bowl I could only squirm about in my seat and propare myself for an IS-carat temperance lecture about to be thrust upon me “And, young man, do you know that hun- dreds of homes have been devastated by strong drink 2" I knew, Do you realize that the idols of man- hood have been shattered and wealth squan dered by liquor?” I realized. “Are you aware that wine is a mocker and drink is the national curse?” I was aware, “Are you cegnizant of the fact that every glass is the foundation stone of intemper- ance? 1 was cog. “Do you know that wines, liguors and cigars are the advance agents of insobriety? And, young man, for the sake of your ps ents, for the good of your wife—if you have one; for the respect of your children - if you have any, I want you to make me one promise g “And that 1s?" I hurriedly interrupted, willing to promise anything, for his words had aroused me and I knew 1 had been groveling in the dark and that ry drink was a blot on the sunshine of my home. “1 want you to promise me that you will not let another drop of ligquor pass your lips." “I won't,) I almost shouted, extending my hand as a seal to the faithful adherence to my promise. ““And you will not yield to temptation?' “I will not.” ‘““And you will not ask for a drink should AT THE GOLDEN WEDDING OF MR AND MRS, HENRY BERG you see some one else imbibing? I give you my word of honor 1 will not “Thanks, young man, thanks,” and with that the mean, groveling, contemptible long, lean, lanky hypocerite put his hand to his side pocket, brought forth a pint flask of whisky and drank to his heart's and stomach’'s content, while 1 sat up like a buncoed commuter amid the giggling occu pants of the train The driver of the stage, which was roll ing down the Rocky mountains as fast as six mules on the gallop could keep ahead of it, may have noticed that 1 was, writes a correspondent, a lttle nervous, for after a bit he soothingly said “No use to grip that railing so mighty hard, stranger. We shan't come to the danger plint for half an hour vit" “Then it's on ahead? I queried “Yes, three miles ahead and 1 omay say fur your benefit that hangin’® on won't do any particklar good ‘But 1 don't want to slide off.’ “And you won't If anythin® goes it be mewls and coach and the hull caboodle altogether, and as the drop is plump 300 feet you won't have no use for arnica or sticking plaster afterward D Baltimore American: There was Once an Energetic Hen who paid Strict Attention to Duty, and never was below the Average in her Daily Output of Eg Bach time that she Laid an Bgg a Rooster would Crow Laustily and excitedly, and An nounce the Fact to the Waorld Now, there were Certain Hens that be longed to the Gossip Brigade, and they wers IFilled with Envy becavse of Tiis So they went to the Energetic Hen and sadd “We think it s Just Awful the way My Rooster takes ail the Credit for your sw Cces Every day he Crows and Exults over What is Really your Achievement.” But the Encrgetic Hen smiled Cheerfully and Answered ‘Do not Lose any More Sleep over It, for he is my Press Agent.” Moral If you Make a Success at Minding your Own Business, all your Friends will Assist you in Minding it