The Nonpartisan Leader Newspaper, April 1, 1918, Page 13

» il b L2 ‘ EER Mistur Editur: Az I sed in my uther an’ Stick wuz or- dered by Crafty to go to North Dakota to help re- vive that ded-an’- defunct Anti-Leeg, -All-Wool-a.nd a-Yard-Wide, Simon- Pure-Farmers’ Organizashun. It wuz ;tarted nearly a year ago for the pur- ose uy side-trackin’ the Nonparte- thun Leeg, but which had itself got fun into the ditch an’ had jist bin bumpted around in thar ever sinct. V.When this new machine wuz furst set up it looked like a cumer an’ a goer jan’ the Shoffer, Storm Whack -of the [“For-Whom,” maid the boast that sie {would pass the Nonparteshun Leeg ijso fast that it would look like the iLeeg wuz standin’ still with the 'wheels spinnin’ around. An’ in fack ishe started off az purty az enny [thing you ever seed an’ ever body drawed thur breths an’ sed, simon- /taneously, “Sum car, that!” But all uv a sudden she begin to splutter, then started in to buckin’ like a Mexican Mustang, shied to one ' side uv the road, give a loud bang! like 2 young cannon ‘an’ stopped so sudden that the Shoffer liked to went thru the windshield. We all walked down the track to. see what wuz the matter an’'shoffer Storm of the Fargo For-Whom had the bonnet up an’ wuz tryin’ to crawl in the injine. We stood thar an’ watched him wiggle around like a two-hundred pound . sack uw brand tryin’ to crawl in a badger hole. Finally he backed out an’ looked around at us with grease an’ dispair ritten all over his face. “What’s the matter ‘with her, Storm ?” ast Tom Barker Buncum, who happened to run up about that time, all outen breth. Storm looked noncomplussed fur about a minnit an’ then dived into the injine again. In about a minnit or a minnit an’ a half he cum up fur breth an’ sagely an- nounced that the cabrettater had be- _cum gilflickered an’ that it would be necessary to send it back to the fac- tory an’ have it re-insinuated agin. Buncum aloud that maybe the wind- shield wuz~interferin’ with the inter- national béarin’ an’ Storm raised up Buncum Starts a Leeg With Storm’s Help By L. B. RIPP, thg Reporter’ letter me . the back seet to see an’ tole him it wuzzent no sich thing. Thereupon a big argufycashun tuck place an’ con- tinued until my friend I. Will Stick cum walkin’ up behind the car with hiz han’s in hiz pockets an’ smoakin’ hiz corncob peace-uv-pipe. He stop- ped about three foot from the tail end an’ listened to the chatter fur a minnit an’ then interruptin’ the squab- ble declared that in hiz judgment the sewage pipe had got short-circuited with the exhaust an’ that he would advise that they take it down to Leeg headquarters an’ have the carbon burnt outen the inner-tubes. This started a big hallayballoo an’ Storm got mad an’ run her down in the ditch an’ thar she haz bin ever sinst. STICK AND RIP | ATTEND MEETING Well, me an’ Stick landed at O-me-my the nite before the meetin’ wuz to be. .It wuz announced in the papers that thousands uv righteously indignant farmers frum all over the stait would gather thar the next day to participate in the resurrecshun cerrimonies an’ we wanted to be thar in plenty time to witness the marical. The ‘next mornin’ we went brite an’ early down to the place where the ‘meetin’ wuz to be so az to git seets. Well, we sot thar till middle after nune before ennybody cum—that iz ennybody that amounted to enny- thing. Two or three times durin’ the day Storm Whack an’ T. B. Buncum cum an’ stuck their- heds in at the door an’ then went away agin. But after while thar wuz a few farmers begin to gather so that by four o’clock p. m. in the afternoon thar wuz exactly 28 human beings an’ Storm an’ Tom Barker Buncum besides in the hall. After "anuther long wait a feller by the name uv Ise Strait wuz introduced by a feller by- the name uv Hesa Soreheed. Ise Strait made a little speech uv wel- cum, tellin’ how delighted he wuz to be greeted with sich a vast an’ in- teligent audience on sich an important an’ auspicious occashun. (Applaws by Storm an’ Buncum.) He then stated that the purposes an’ objects uv the meetin” wuz to or- ganize a real, simon-pure, all-wool an’ a yard-wide, farmers’ organiza- - She gave a loud bang an’ stopped all of a sudden. shun an’ that the purpose uv sed or- ganizashun wuz to fite an’ destroy an’ put outen bizness the Nonparteshun Leeg. (Vigerous applaws by Storm, Buncum an’ Soreheed.) By this time he seamed to git hiz bearin’s an’ struck out on the speech he had pre- pared fur the important an’ auspicious oceashun. “Ladies an’ Gentlemen,” he sed, tho thar wuzzent no ladies present. But that wuz in the speech, uv course. “I am proud uv the honor confered upon me,” he continued to proseed, “in bein’ chosen az your chief spokes- man upon this memorable, hysterlck an’ epic-makin’ occashun. I feel an’ realize my weekness, incompetence an’ inability to fill with becomin’ dig- nity this high an’ wurthy office. But what can I do when my constitchuents force the honor upon me? Nuthin’, gentlemen, nuthin’.” (Applaws by me an’ Stick to them last three words.) STORM AND BUNCUM APPLAUD LOUDLY 4 This seamed to throw him offen the track fur awhile an’ he floundered around in the quagmire of confussion fur sum time while Storm an’ Buncum got red in the face. Finally he got hiz trolly on agin an’ started off az follers, towit, namely: “In theze daze uv unpresedented, unequalled an’ unparaleled prosperie- ty thar is no need fur the farmers to join an organizashun like the Non- parteshun Leeg tharfore we air goin’ to git them to jine an organizashun like this one.” (Loud hand clappin’ by Storm, Buncum an’ Soreheed.) “Thar haint no use, no sense an’ no reezons fur farmers to be organized in'theze daze at all an’ fur them ree- zons we air tryin’ to start this grate organizashun.” (Handclappin’ an’ stompin’ by the same triumvirate.) “Thar’s intarly too menny organi- zashuns in this country now—thar’s absolutely one too menny an’ that’s anuther reezon we’re startin’ this wonderful organizashun.” (Same old handclappin’.) “I beleve its alrite fur farmers to organize ef they want to organize but they don’t. want to organize an’ that’s anuther reezon we air formin’ this, tremendious orgamzashun.” (Same az above.) “Understand me gentlemen, I'm in favor uv farmers formin’' enny kind uv a organizashun they want to, an’ that’s the reezon we want to bust up the Nonparteshun Leeg.” (Ditto as above.) “I beleve, ladies an’ gentlemen,” he sed slammin’- the -table with hiz fist until the water pitcher jumped six inches high an’ his: coat-tail popped like -a whop-cracker, “that farmers should form an’ run their own organ- 7 PAGE 'I‘HIRTEEN A a “regular” farmers organizashun. izashuns, an’ that’s the reezon we’vei got Mr. Whack an’ Mr. Buncum here ! today—to tell you the kind uv an’ or- | ganizashun you want.” (Ditto.) If he had®enny more speech he | seamed to furgit it right here. He'! floundered sum more an’ finally an- | nounced that they would take a vote ! on the question uv whuther they: would form sich an organizashun or! not. He sed that nun would be per- | mitted to vote on the question but' them that favored it. Then he put the | question an’ thar wuz 13 helt up thelr hands, includen Whack, Buncum, Soreheed an’ the eloquent speaker. Thar wuz 17 more who didn’t vote yes but would have voted “no” but Mr. Ise Strait did not put the negative side uv the question. He simply an- nounced that the question had carried an’ that they would proseed to com-: mence to git ready to start in to or- ganize. “In order, ladxes an’ gentlemen,” he went on, “that we may do this bizness| quietly an’ in the open where every-‘ body can have hiz say an’ not in secret/ and in the dark like theze Nonparte-| shuns I'll ast all that voted “yes” to! retire in the back corner uv the room: where they will proseed to bizness.: Them that did not vote “yes” on thel proposition will not be permitted to! participate in the formin’ uv this or-i ganizashun. This is a matter in which? ever free citizen shall have a voice! an’ tharefore the meetin’ iz clozed so' fur az the general publick iz con-| surned.” ' Stick wuz settin’ by me an’ at thls’ junctchure he riz to hiz feet, hiz ize! flashin’ fire an’ hiz han’s openin’ an’ shutten’ like the fists uv a jiant. “Say, Mr. speaker, iz this a free country or 705 I grabbed him by the coat-tail an'! give him a jerk. “Set down, you dodgasted ole fool, "’ sez I, “Caint you camouflaze?”, ast in a whisper. He surrendered an’ the unlucky 13 went back in the corner uv the hall' Stick an’ me went out to git.a bite to! eat fur we had bin thar all day. We? seen in the papers next day where a PR R _tremendious concourse uv farme had gathered at O-me-my an’ formed Yoots Trooly, RIPP. J!w.-.-:ml—_{-a North Dakota has been good to it soldiers. ‘A moratorium to save them! from foreclosure during the war has just passed by recommendation of th League governor, and a bill to dis tribute $60,000 to those who returne from the Mexican border. last y was introduced by a League member and passed by the League legmlatureg § g ] B 4 ok T AR e e s