Evening Star Newspaper, October 11, 1931, Page 81

THE SUNDAY STAR, WASHINGTON, D. C, OCTOBER 11, 1931 At 18 the youth of a girl's choice be- comes a fairy prince because he takes her to parties, theaters and brings her flowers. Rose-colored glasses turn all - her world into romance. A Discussion by ROS14 PONSELLE. HAT type of man is woman’s ideal? Her fancy changes. At 18 or 20 the youth of a girl's choice becomes a fairy prince because he takes her to parties, to the theater, brings her fiowers and other gifts. She looks at the world through rose-colored glasses which turn reality ito romance. Happy, thoughtless, pleasure- loving, gay. she is a child beyond the age of being treated as one. All argument against her hero is met with such logic as: , Mother, moikrer, hold your tongue; ¢ You had a beau when you were young. Nobody can explain it, but debutantes and others far from being in that class find the tender passion kindled by the unusual way a man does trivial things. She will love him for the way he combs his hair; the heavenly blue color of his eyes; the air of worldliness with which he orders “lunch for two.” A great woman once told me that in her day she had been fleetingly in love with at least 400 men, and each attraction sprang from just such small things as these. For that matter, a little flapper will adore & youth for his profuse offerings of ice-cream soda, or, again, thirsting for the education which she has not, will worship for some big word he uses and which, to her mind, makes him the intellectual equal of the President. Perhaps all this is what poets call “being in love with love.” ““At a house party I attended the son of the family was a handsome boy of 16, still in knickerbockers. A girl, aged 14, arrived on the scene. She had blossomed into a state of sophistication to which he was & stranger. A girl of 14 is in that line the peer of a boy of 20. Promptly she fell head over heels in love with him. Why? She told me herself when she exclaimed: “What a boy to tdke to parties in ‘longies’! would be!” P at 25, for insiance, a girl sees in a man the same adventurous spirii that she has herself she will marry him and be content to live in one room and strugele on to help him in at- taining the great things of which she feels him capable. But at 30 a woman's ideal is quite changed. She wants, instead of a man who will eventually get there, one who has “arrived.” If she has been to college and later entered a profession or business with some success the situation fits her to demand it. At 30 a woman has certainly learned life. The fairy prince and fluff of parties and the like will not mean complete happiness to her. 8he brings to the ideal of her choice & man of position and rasources, the outcome of her ex- perience and broadened views that make the exchange a fair one. She can be to him as helpful in sustaining his career as is the girl of 25 to her struggling hero. are three distinct types of the woman of 30. And before considering them we must remember that today a woman of 30 is not looked on as the woman of 25 was even a decade ago. She is neither old nor a hopeless spinster, sitting against the wall at dances, if she is allowed to go at all. Gaining an educa- tion may have engaged her to beyond the age of 20, following this she has done worthwhile things herself. Her ideal will be the man who supposedly has attained what she herself has done in gome degree. He must be genuinely successful —not only for the money he commands, but also to help her out of her own disappointment if she has fallen short of exactly what she hoped to be. If on the other hand her success has been brilliant the man of her ideal must be more successful than she has been. There are few women who do not want to look up to the man they marry. The second type of woman of 30 has usually” remained unmarried because of her ambition. A day comes when loneliness is depressing. Ambition and achievement do not satisfy her. She is still romantic, longs for a home and companionship and finds her ideal in a middle- aged man considerably older than herself, to whom life has brought a point of view identical with hers. A third type at 30 has never really quite made up her miad as to what her ideal is. At any rate, she has built on false foundations. She is both pretty and charming. Her admirers have been plenty. To her the supply of them seems limitless. It has becen too difficult for her to come down to earth and make a choice. One day she finds a suspicion of wrinkles or How jealous all the other girls What Type of Man Is oman s Ideal 2 IfHer Success in Life Has Been Brilliant, Says the Famed Diva, He Must Be More Successful Than She, for Every Woman Wants toLook Up to the Man She Marries. ROSA PONSELLE. maybe a gray hair or two. The procession of men adoring her has walked off to other idols. Then she goes to the opposite extreme and decides that any man will do. A woman fair, fat and 40 has an ambition for all the good things of life which money brings. A strong, firm friendship means more to her than romance, which by that time is pretty well outlived. That is, if she is still a spinster. But, strange to say, in widows—even though several times bereft—romance appears perennial. The spinster of 40 is young enough to enjoy to the full life’s gayeties, and at that age prizes more than ever the protection of a home and luxuries. In brief, she wants an assured future. There must be something in it for her or marriage will make limited appeal. Early marriages are not by any means as general now as they once were. In summing up her change of fancy at 20, 30 and fair, fat and 40, there is big gain in wisdom by this watch- ful waiting. At 20, when the world seems a flower garden and every day sunshiny some boy captivates her heart. If she fails to marry him at that blissful moment when her whole existence centers in his perfection and at 30 is still single she wonders what on earth she ever saw in him; aged 40, her ideal of 30 will just as surely go into the discard. There are two exceptions to whom finding of the ideal is supremely difficult; the woman who surpasses most men in her business ability and the distinguished middle-aged man, especially in politics. S far as men go, the unsuccessful ones are generally attracted most strongly te women who have done big things. One such said to me: “I don't know why, but all the men who fall in love with me are on the way to the poorhouse.” She told the truth. They had those qualities which go to make a good husbend, all except that practically important one of ability to support a wife. Did she marry one of them? She did not. But she fell in love with them. Experience and financial independence suggested the un- wisdom of marriage. Her ideal, the highly successful man, fought shy of her because he feared mating with a possible superior. The distinguished man in public life needs & n of great social gifts and keen intellectuality to help him on his way. None, perhaps, knows this more fully than the risen politician who married an amiable but obtuse creature before he began to rise. If he waits long enough to find his ideal, however, search is far easier and less hopeless than that of the woman who surpasses in success most men. There are many things that go to influence the making of women’s ideals. Times have changed completely and will go on changing. What they will lead to is now undreamed of. As conditions exist, four factors are responsible: The emancipation of women through the World War, nigher education, the right to vote, the entry of women into nearly every calling and profession with astounding success in them. No longer is she obliged to marry early and get a husband to support her. Even the little flapper earns as much as her “boy friend.” No more is she called upon to choose between being supported in her own home or tolerated in another as dependent spinster. She has be- come as much a free agent ©s man has been throughout the ages. With her, marriage and spinsterhood become largely self-elected states. BUT in such cases what about the man and his lack of being freely chosen as ideal? She played her part after marriage more or less successfully, just as royalty played and still plays it in marriages that are “arranged” for mtereuonsorwbfin‘lake_a&ybetween ‘At 25 she sees in a man the same advens turous spirit she has in herself and is willing to marry and live with him con- tent in one room, struggling to help him attain the great things of which she feels him capable. nations more securely. That very same type of marriage was often duplicated through neces- sity in many an instance by those not remotely royal. The contracting royal prince and princess were at & distinct advantage. They took the \situation at its face value; there were no illusions on either side. To get along together became the main thing. There was no hypocrisy about it. Not so in less exalted circles. The man took it for granted that the woman loved him as much as he loved her. She played her part generally quite success- fully. Later her consolation lay in her chil- dren, their happiness and their advancement, often to the husband's cost because he was the last person considered. Today, marrying her ideal, sham goes Into the discard. They become partners in the best sense, working together for their children’s ad- vancement. But “the husband is her first thought, just as she is his. In consequence, & big share of that selfishness which had such logical foundation is ro longer laid at woman’s door, for when she marries her ideal there is no need for it. The higher education of women has proved a boon in married life. It goes a long way toward removing that vague explanation of marital troubles, “they don't get along to- gether”; in the divorce court they call it “incompatibility.” Two persons not intellectual equals are very likely to be incompatible be- cause they cannot understand each other's point of view. In the day ‘when women lived in a restricted world in which man in general was on his good behavior she was driven, more or less, through ignorance of what he really was to accept him at face value. As long as a man appeared fo b2 nice that settled it. But when a woman goes out in life to earn her way she has ample op- portunity to see man when he is not “nice.” Far be it from me to disparage men, for I adore them. Neither sex is exclusively pos- sessed of all the virtues; neither is more perfect than the other. The woman brought into daily contact with men finds out that very thing to her own advantage. If she is in some degree disillusioned by discovering that he is merely human she is likely, also, to find out the @mme Continued on Thirteenth Page At 30 woman wants a man who has “ar- rived,” a man of position and resources. She brings to him the outcome of her world experiences ond broadened views. ey PTIEN A \