Evening Star Newspaper, April 4, 1926, Page 71

THE SUNDAY STAR, WASHINGTON, D. €., APRIL 4, 1926—PART 5. Expert Information, Prohibition-Law Humor and Spring Planting Coming Back From Tia Juana, Visitors Shopopning Lists From Seed Catalogues Show Remarkable Growth in the Home BY NINA WILCOX PUTNAM. at come | 1 Zot and nur and labor. We our Spring planting around lamp, and we sure did it on 1 had one of them riful D re s of and Geo. and to Geo. and rdless hard was and also, off, 1 this ensible Let's and a mice care of. standbys, few extra n't it we can take nee with the ol add just a withe sendir whit have And then me it would n't e 1 I'm crazy about have sorhething in ‘em. And Geo. says all right, and how about some chicory? And I says well, that would be nice, but in that case I suppose we'd be anary to eat it. And he says 4 some romaine, some some Waldorf-salad, down nd put 'em down. beets. And I em down in, vine. s no, put 'em’ down in black and white. be careful dear, are getting quite 1o know. And Geo. yeh, that's true, but we got to have a few pole beans T'1l bet I raised the largest bean poles in the country last year, 1 pretty near- ly hadder raise them with a derrick. Put down pole be hon, here's a well recommended variety in the cata logue, No. 231177 A: “Social Climbers, a strong , coarse, highly flavored bean, a quick grower, hardy vine, overruns everything in no time, if cultivated ightly."” Order two beans, Also write down a few par- 1 says, u of stuff. 1 And I says well, two of them will be enough, also I'd rather write ‘em down then eat ‘em Parsnips are good for absolutely nothing except to hold melted butter. And George says nonsense, you don't eat enough coarse strong vegetables, although I admit it is the butter makes them taste good, I'wish’ we could raise our own butter? And I says Hot Bozo! What will I add to the list for that—buttercups or cowslips? TT'HEN George got up in wrath, and what | and that, so far as 1 in another minute it of omit flowers, my But it was ¢ hi: And when he and it again xe, red be a case finishec ie was looking for. had foun i lighted it, had gon he sat do with th ¥ Iy b ut 1 shes al- | i some rows of says I'd but I tell in you can chew. And he says, I Gon’t intend to chew the alfalfa, only ind mules. . all right dear, but if are going to be stubborn as all 1t you may be in the class to chew ot. Remember this is only April, | wait until the mid-season when there no trouble telling the plants from the weeds, both being big enough to distinguish easy. That'll be the time I will get the bawling out for insisting n such a big garden. I know you, dear, you are raising a pretty picture in your mind, right now. But when the sun is hot on the sma of your back, and there are more corns on your knees from weed- ing the corn than there are on he cobs you are manicuring, why it won't be a pretty vision of growing things you will be raising, believe you e, ~ou wil sing particular cane, instead, and it won't be the sugar-bear- ing variety, neither! Well, Geo. lit his pipe again before answering, took two puffs, and as soon as it went out, he give me one look over the top of his glass he says, but what's the use hav garden at all unless it's big enoug! be a regular knockout? And I says oh it'll be a knockout all right all right, you'll be taking the count in the first round with the tomato bugs, and T'll be the one to feed them their dally ration of Parls green while you're on the eight-fifteen telling the smoking car all about that wonder- ful garden of yours! 1 know how you men taik in the smoking-car, you not only call a spade | And I'm a lady. a instant I thought where he was looking for his gun or | a spade, but you give the impression | that you actually use one. That's on account the ladies is excluded, and can't let on how the field-work is gen- trally done by the Junior and the cook’s boy-friend at to one berry hourt No, Geo., 1 says, I'm not gonner let you take on all that work for somebody else. But Geo. this t dn't even hear me. He had turned a few page er in and a b r )t mich large ge, was staring was a colored photo, @ from the size of the bloom, any fe could see it must of been taken through a magnifyln But the type that reads them catalogues, why they lose their good sense, if any, the minute they see the cover of the darned thing, and Geo. was no excep tion, except in the sense he was ex- ceptionally susceptib 3y es! he holle the luvvs ? We pretty near forgot all about roses, say, Jennie, we simply got to have some of these! Put down the name. “The Lord Protectus Rose, a special variety of hardly seml-annual, » blooming spec.es, four year old entries from our own graft-depart- ment, dollars_apiece, five dollars for ten, four dollars for three dollars a hundred, F.O.B. Detroit.” all right ok % x W : down, and I guess I'd better write out the whole thing, on account by the time you have give up looking keenly at the dead brown stalks of them roses, and breaking off a tooth- pick a day from them to see is there any signs of life, you will of forgotten what they are all about, the same as vou done with them Merry Ramblers last year. Say, dear, what kinda bugs and beetles come free with that vari- ety of roses, or doesn’t the catalogue say? And do they prefer arsenic or tobacco dust as a steady diet? But onct again Geo. wasn't listening. He had come to the part of the cata- logue where they park the wheelbar: rows, cultivators, garden hose, and etc., and pretty soon his shopping list begi 1 to sound like one of mine Listen! he says, put down hose— ed at once. For s, I'll put it L, ol | tripe, lookit this beaut, will | | | | | “PLL BE THE ONE TO FEED THEM THEIR DAILY RATION OF PARIS GREE we need hose. And I says I know do, especially Junior, how that boy goes through them Is a wonder, | sometimes I think he must use scis- sors, he wears the holes out o fast. And Geo, who wasn't listening to anybody but his own self, says, yeh, get plenty of hose, we sure do need it. And I says, all right, what'll T order, heer hose, chiffon hose, or hole-proof And Geo. says hole-proof, of course! what color? Nude, or And he says, gray, gray, And 1 says what size? And he the largest—in 25-foot vs how many pair? And he says aw cut that out. Say, Jennie, order a cultivator, a hand cultivator. And T why 'a hand cultivator, | whatcha gonner cultivate your hands for, sleight of hand, card-tricks or picking pockets? Wait! says Geo. Order a mani- cure for the rose bushes, a throat- atomizer for the lillies, a curry-comb for the rice plants, and some hair- pins for the maiden’s hair ferns. And I says why dear, that last won't be necessary, don't you know that all the new varieties of maiden’s hair grows ngle-bobbed nowadays? And Geo. aw, be serious, won't you? About two months from now you'll appreci- ate the thought I am putting into this garden, and you won't hesitate to eat the canned corn and tomatoes we will be getting! And I says that’s right, dear, you said a mouthful, that's what I'l be eating sure enough if the garden is the usual success! I know just how hard vou'll work at that garden onc it's pianted. And Geo. says aw, 8o0's your old man! And I says, aw, so's your wild oats! 4 And the next day I done a little sure-fire flower raising of my own. 1 cultivated a batch of homemade bread and set it by the stove to rise. And then I went downtown to the Five and Dime Store and bought a big bunch of artificial roses, on account I love both nature and my husband, I know they got moods and I like to be sure of my table decorations! (Copyright, 1026.) o Try to Find Out Which Wines Are Light, Says the Humorist, Assisting the Drys AM HELLMAN. remar to “High nnegan, “where the prohibitionists are objecting to column writers, vaudeville actors and the so forths mak- n of prohibition. They claim in't fighting fair.” he, ““don’t they get their folks to make fun of the wets?" “It’s strange,” I remarks, “but you never do hear any jokes on the moist abies, do you? I guess,” I goes on, ““That’s because all the humorous stuff in the country is published in large ties and all the actors come from the towns.” ‘There's something to that,” admits Finnegan, “but according to the dry 1s 80 per cent of the folks in the States are against booze ldn’t you imagine that out of 5,000,000 people you could assey as many wisecrackers vou could get in't possible, is brains in the but I'm one s. Let's be funny change and give the drys a break. “Where,” snorts ““High Dome, you g e idea you were funny? “I didn’t have no such idea,” I re- turns. “‘until the prohibition mob down in Washington said we were poking fun at them. So the drys must think we're funny. Now let's*kid with the wets, and maybe they'll get s tell us to cut out being funny. “As for ins jeers Finnegan. “Let me think, X You have my permission,” repli “High Dome” grac! “but_ what good will that do you? also have my permission to sing a sextet all by vourself, but you got as much chance of doing one “The wet for beer and light wine: ‘What of it,” snay where does the laugh come in?" “What,” 1 inquires, “are don’t kmnow,” “but—" ! “Nobody else does,” I cut in. “Isn't | it funny to have guys in Congress and | over the country velping for some- | ng they wouldn't know if they saw Is champagne supposed to be a | id . “are yelping | aren't they?” Finnegan, “and | light | answers ligh e s0,” says Finnegan. says I, “here’s something inny, too. The birds that want Istead the snow and ice are it we ought to have beer | t get drunk on a bath in a va it and swallowed all the contents. “You can’t get drunk on bee: barks h Dome,” “in the sense at you'll go crazy and beat up the wife and kids and heave grandm: out the window. Three or four shots | of whisky might make a rabbit spit in a bulldog’s eve, but a gallon of beer wouldn't do anything but make yon loggy and sleepy. Two mince pies would do the same thing. Where | does a loggy and sleepy guy =et to be & menace to his neighbors? Also you can't drink little Robby's shoes | comes back, “but the Italians and the { the gander. away on beer on account of being put to sleep with about 15 cents worth.” “Be that as in May,” says I, “but the point I'm getting at is that the same goops that are whooping it up for the brew are also yelling for the | vino. You're not going to try to tell | me that you can't get a battling jag on with champagne or port wine, are you?” “I guess you can,” admits Finne- gan, “but you got to remember that most of the folks in this country don’t give a whoop for wine.” “Maybe the old-timers didn't,” I others who've come to the country in the last 20 years are cuckoo about it. Anyhow, how long do you think a whisky drinker would be satisfled with the kick in 2.75 beer?” “If he couldn't get anything else,” | says “High Dome,” “he'd soon get educated to beer. “Bunk and bale .of piffie,” I snorts. “The prohibitionists have been saying that you could educate people into ginger gle— “Look out,” warns Finnegan, vou'll be stepping on the dr; again. 1 thought you were against the wets?” “or toes rguing rgument for the gument for couldn't train the people out of hard drink how are the beer and wine boosters going to do it? Do you think boot leggers are going to stop selling whisky because you ecan go to a| government dispensary and buy a | case of heer?” | to your “High way of think- Dome,” *the ceording ng,” remarks 2 sarmasTIar I country’s going to be full of bootleg hooch no matter what happens.” “No,” says I, “there’s a way of fixing up the whole thing. hoot,” urges Finnegan. “You | are getting funn; “It could be fixed,” I goes on, “if the drys and wets would stop being hypocrites and play the whole game out in the open.” “How,” asks ““High Dome,” “are the wets hypocrites “Beer and light wine talk is the bunk,” says I. act that doesn’t know that the minute you let in beer and wine you'll also let in whisky. When you put a hole in a dam you can't tell how much water’s coming through.” “Suppose whis asks Finnegan. “What of it?” “That's not the question,” says T, “but why don‘t the antis come clean and come out for all kinds of liquor while they at it. If a bird's per- sonal liberty entitles him to a glass of beer or a bottle of red ink it also en- titles him to a slug of hooch if he wants it. What are yoh going to do— measure personal liberty by a 2.75 rule “Well,” returns “High Dome,” “to be honest, a lot of the wets would like high-powered booze back, but they're afraid the public ipe yet to g0 They figure, I guess, that once they get beer and wine they can also get v v legalized.” ‘T suppose,” I sneers, “you're one A those that believes that If the peo- ple had a chance to vote they'd get beer and wine ba “I'm sure of it,"” says Finnefan. “That's because you live in New York and haven’t ever been out of a large city,” says I. “You ought to does come back?” “There is hardly a lad | ! shouting for changing the Volstead take a run through the corn belt some time.” “You got to remember,” argues “High Dome,” “that all the soldiers were over in Europe when the Vol- stead act was passed—-"" “Yes,” I cuts in, “and you've got to remember that about three-quarters of the country had voted itself dry be- fore the war even started. Also you got to remember that women have got the vote since then and most of them are not wet. I'll bet that not 10 States out of the 48 would vote to change the Volstead act.” ¥ suppose,” remarks Finnegan, ‘'vou haven’t noticed the polls in the newspapers?” “Newspaper polls,” says I, “only show what newspapers want ‘em to show. Did you ever see a newspaper poll that was won by the thing or per- son that the newspaper was agalinst? Anyways, dally papers are read by city folks. It's the lads that read the weeklies that run this country. “Well,” grunts “High Dome, T don’t see anything funny in what you've said.” “Maybe you don't,” I admits, “but the wets might, like the drys did on the other occasion, (Covyright. 1026.) Clues to Character BY J. 0. ABERNETHY. He Loves to Work. Because this type enjoys work he cannot understand any one who does not. For this reason he often is con- sidered a hard master. He will fret at delays and demands speed in com- pleting a job. You will find him in vocations like construction, engineering, raflroad and tunnel building. Machinery that has tremendous power urpeals 10 him, and he rarely ever engages in the manufacture or operation of delicate apparatus. On the field of sport he goes in for the most dangerous and roughost of games. Foot ball, hasket ball, ice hockey and similar sports cleim his attention. He may be found in an office position, but he never is satis- fied there. He prefers cutdoor work, and for that reason makes a much better field manoger than «n indoor executive. He may be either a blond or a brunette, but he will not be fat or very thin. He will have wiry mus- cles, large bonos and a strong con- stitution. He is difficult to swerve once he has made up his mind on a course of action. You will find that he has a heavy Jaw, a comparatively wide head from car to ear and a well set mouth. (Copyyight. 1026.) First Professional Ball. The first time admission was ever charged to see a base ball game was on July 20, 1859. The game was played between teams from Brooklyn and New York, taking place on the Fashion race course, Long Island. Over 1,500 people paid 50 cents to watch the contest. I'most of it is not here yet. | peek | ical Trigonometry Wonder What the Border Inspectors Do BY RI O the reached kind of wi family from killed then NG LARDER. itor: Our littfe party 1 Diego unde Paul entire Towa had just Ifs at Tia Juana and it was therefore with kind of mingled: feelings that we crossed acrost the border “to take our first the sporty little Mexican town However, we put in t different days in Tia Juana witbout non u even suggesting a suicide ps for ourselfs though they was some talk to the effect that a couple of the jockeys could enter into one without us donning widows’ weeds on acct. of same. For the benefit of those that has not been there will state that Tia Juana is a city of about 50 buildings of which three ain't saloons. Besides the accessories that goes with a ordinary saloon the Tia Juana saloons is equip- ped with crap games and poker dic games and bacearat games, to nothing about the old fashion slot machine which been ruled out of every civilized community for 20 vrs and which not even the bigges the world ever claimed they had beat them. Also pretty near every saloun has got a electric piano and it nothing unusual to see 3 or 4 couple dancing right in the bar rm. at 11 o'clock in the a.m. and all ready %% cock-eyed. I never seen Goldfield or Nome In the old days, but Tia Juana reminds me of them. In the mix-up accompanying the suiclde of the four Towans the Tia Juana chief of police got prominent mention. What strikes the visitor as strange about this is that the town should have a chief of police. Police is supposed to enforce the laws of the community in_which they are locatéd and so far as I could see they ain’t no laws and having policemens is like employing shepherds in a Third ave- nue waffle parlor. When you get ready to go home in the evening, that is, to San Diego or Coronado, 2 or 3 officials of one kind another stops your car at the border | and glances in the tonneau with about | the same amount of attention as lavished on a snowflake in Minnesot and then motions you to go ahead What they are looking for I could not find out, but with the time and pains they take for the search it seemed to me like a person could smuggle in a herd of elephants in the back seat of one car with every elephant playing the Marseillaise on a calliope The Tia Juana race track is in pretty little ley surrounded b baby mountains. There is 9 races on | the program every day which should | mean that the horses has got to make | good time or they will get bumped into by the horses in the next race, but it don’t seem to mean no such a thing. The first 3 or 4 races is given over either to maidens or to horses | owned by owners that ain't never | owned a winner and etc., and there ' “TWO OR THREE OFFICIALS STOP YOUR CAR AT THE WONDER AND GLANCE IN THE TONNEAU WITH THE SAME AMOUNT OF ATTENTION AS IS LAVISHED ON A SNOWFLAKE IN MINNESOTA.” — is so many entries in most of these races that on hot days the horses ad- here to each other wile lined up at the barrier and finish all stuck to- gether like peanut brittle in August Picking horses in one of these t fic congestions is like be n whi fly is coming to see you first in Greek restaurant and even if vou happen on a winner you 't half to pay no surtax on what them bookies give: ou. There in't no place 1 know of where race track bookmakers is notorious for embar sing customers with their philan- thropy, but you glance over the on a 14 hor it honestly fishmonger pickled. Of cours called mutual machin to use them, but to me a horse is enough of a lottery without wdded surprise of finding out, after your horse has d home a lip in front, that win §1.18 on your $10.00 invest One day the macam | on a horse c rd Four-o'-Five 'he horse ed out pretty good and was amongst the first dozen for a couple of yards and then 1 away. The Santa Claus 32 e have got so ent ed §4.00 odds | v madam said she thought they must mething the matter with him so aid that she ought to of known | ; was something the matter with a | named Four-o-Five, he was | ve pyorrhea. This rk | ) compensate | |r | th | horse hound to k {did not the lost of he On_ this jockey named W. Munden win 4 of them in suc- | | cession, so our party decided it woul a pretty good idear to stick to h unts the next day. He proved pas- fond of finishing second with had played straight. After | > had lose on him 5 times we quit cold in the last race and he win | n front with a horse named Parnell that you would think the rest of the boys had joined a different | Jockey club. | ace on the last P. M. | as the Tia Juana Oak jand a stable made up of Zeka, Tea ( ind Miss Lester wif a 3-to-5 favorite. | hey wi horses in the rac | and somehc aid that if you played | the n the mutuals to show | vou would get a better price tha | |if you played them to win as nobody | else would think of it. Well I don't| "know i v else thought of it and | b sta | Philadelphi: ns of finding out had roomed tc hen one of them nd to run sev- k =0 close to etty mear a < to which Leag ball they wasn't no me as the 3 hot favc gether so long that v made up his or he enth the other t their buddy th dead heat f club gener undispute As for San Di supplied trai of weather you w yr. around. At Coro: features was John tenor singer, restix We seen him play t McLoughlin, former thing of the court prefe golf now and a that he used to be i has aptly turned the Mr. ack, he court ? the youn, ty boasted that she ad stood an inch f hn » race track. It was p ut that this was physically impossible. If anybody wants to know, we sy the rest of our time down there ing and eating and ling a sho ronado they f the kind rder for all the ado_one of the McCormack between 1 covers g fadies in our i Outlines of Everything Are Prepared For Busy People at Their Very Busiest BY STEPHEN LEACOCK. ITHIN recent years it is be- coming clear that a uni- versity is now a super- tluous institution. College | teaching is being replaced | by such excellent little manuals as the | Fireside University Serfes, the World's Tiniest Books, the Boys' Own Conic Seetion, and the Little Folks' Spher- | Thanks to books such as these, no | voung man in any station of life need | suffer from an unsatisfled desire for learning. He can get rid of it in a | day. In the same way any business | man who wishes to follow the main | currents of history, philosophy and, radio-activity may do so while chang- | ing his shirt for dinner. | The world's knowledge is thus re-| duced to & very short compass. But | I doubt if even now it is sufficiently | concentrated. Even the briefest out-| lines yet produced are too long for the | modern business man. We have to| remember that the man is busy. And when not busy he is tired. He has no time to go wading through five whole pages of print just | to find out when and why Greece rose and fell. It has got to fall quicker than that if it wants to reach him. As to reading up an account, with dia- grams, of how the protozoa differen- tlated itself during the twenty million years of the pleistocene era into the first invertebrate, the thing is out of the question. The man hasn't got twenty million yvears. The whole process is too long. We need something shorter, snappier, something that brings more immedi- ate results. From this point of view I have pre- pared some outlines in the fields of sclence and literature. Each is so written as to give to the busy man enough and just exactly enough of each of the higher branches of learn- ing. At the moment when he has had enough, I stop. 1. THE BUSINESS OUTLINE OF ASTRONOMY. The world or universe in which we do our business consists of an infin- ite number, perhaps a hundred bil- lion, perhaps not, of blazing stars ac- companied by comets, dark planets, asteroids, asterisks, meteors, meteor- ites, and dust clouds whirling in vast circles in all directions and at all velo- cities. How many of these bodies are habitable and fit for business we do not know. The light emitted from these stars comes from distances so vast that But owing to the great distance involved, the light from the stars is of no commer- cial value. “TWO LADIES WHO HAD HEARD TH MEASUREMENT OF RAYS OF LIGHT SAID HE WORE A PERF ATROCIOUS NECKTIE.” SCIENTIST SPEAK ON THE TLY Practically all our efficient light, heat and power comes from the sun. The business man may form some idea of its intensity by imagining the entire lighting system of any two great American cities grouped into a single bulb; it would be but little su- perior to the sun. The moon, situated quite close to the earth but of no value, revolve: around the earth and can be distinc seen on a clear night outside the city limits. During a temporary break- down of the lighting plant in New York City a few years ago, the moon was distinctly seen moving past the tower of the Metropolitan Life Build- ing. It cleared the Flatiron Building by a narrow margin. Those who saw it reported it as somewhat round but not well shaped, and emitting an inferior light which showed that it was probably out of order. The planets, like the earth, move around the sun. The planet Mars is of especial interest, inasmuch as its surface shows traces of what are evi- dently canals which come together at junction points where there must be hotels. It has been frequently pro- posed to interest enough capital to gnal to Mars, and it is ingeniously suggested that the signals should be sent in six languages. ST WOMEN. Surveying the progress of science for the last five vears, we find these important developments to emerg Binstein’s Theory of Relativity.— Einstein himself is not what one would call 2 handsome man. When seen sometime ago by members. of the Fortnightly Women's Scientific Society in Boston he was pronounced by many of them to be quite insignifi- cant in appearance. Some thought, however, that he had a certain air of distinction, something which they found it hard to explain, but which they felt. It is certain that Einsteln knows nothing of dress. His clothes appear as if taken out of the rag bag, and it is reported by two ladies who once heard him speak at the University of Pennsylvania on the measuremest of rays of light that he wore an abso- SCIENCE | follow told h nd it is suggested . It been of the Trenton k Astronomi reported by membe Jersey) Five O'C ib mance in his life. H ve been thrown over by a money when h: this tha It is hel d at all He dri g but black seem to have ve e Cur ries in Ra > may be a doubted woman or a home. ther she is a woman who could n members of the Om tronomical and Tea Society h in Washingto American tot e *“R Gamma Particles from Heli say that they had some d ng her tion of They ulty in The: plain wearin: but had quite which certainly they think that just i rench blouse tyle to it. But he lacks charm. Rutherf Atomic Theo or rather Sir it is right to call b made a knight a few something he did with molecules strikingly handsome dle yme people him as b depends on the p If you consider a & 5 man, then Sir Ernest is old. assertion is made by many of various societies that in their ion a man is at his best at Mem- bers who take that point of view would be interested in Rutherford He has eyes of just that pale stealy blue which suggest to members some- thing powerful and strong, though members are unable to name it. Cer- tainly he made a perfectly wonderful impression on the Ladies’ Chemico Physical Research and Amusement Soeiety in Toronto when he was there with that large British body. Members of clubs meeting Sir Er- nest should remember that he won the Nobel prize, and that it is not award ed for character, but is spelled dif- searches ‘in the nest Rutherford, Rutherford, as because he was ve ago for is a T consider old, but that an old But_the members opin- lutely atrocious red tie. It is declared to be a matter of wonder that no one ferently. (Copyright. 19 Teeth, Which Come Lést, Theater Seating And Other Problems Quickly Settled BY ED. WYNN. EAR Mr. Wynn: I owned a horse but had no hay for the horse to eat. I met a man who had’a load of hay and I traded him the horse for the hay. Now I have no horse to eat the hay. What can I do? Truly yours, . ANN VILL. Answer: Find the man you traded with and ask him if he'd be kind enough to lend you the horse to eat the hay. Dear Mr. Wynn: Do chestnuts have legs? Yours truly, 1. M. WORRIED. Answer: No, my dear friend, chest- nuts do not have legs. You must have swallowed a worm. Dear Mr. Wynn: I see where they were recently playing Hamlet in eve- ning clothes. I am trying to modern- ize Uncle Tom's Cabin. Can you offer Truly yours, 1. NOEL OTT. Answer: When the bloodhounds chase Eliza, have her do the Charles- ton on each cake of ice. Dear Mr. Wynn: I am interested in the “Little Theater Movement.” I have interested some rich men and they are building a very odd theater. There will be no rows of seats only boxes. 1In other words every person who comes to see our plays will be in a box. Can you suggest a fitting name for our odd theater. Truly yours, , OPPER E. HOUSE. Answer: AS the “Little Theater Movement” is popular, and as you have no rows of seats, and as you will probably do a big business, and any suggestions? pack the boxes, why not call it “The | Sardine?” Dear Mr. Wynn: I am taking an examination for a letter carrier's ro- sition. One questlon seems to stick me. I know you will help me, so here’s the question. *“What has four legs and flies all around?” I. PASS. Answer: Well it's a question which answer the Government wants from you. Two canary birds have four legs and fly all around but I think the answer you want is as follows: “A dead horse has four legs and flies all around!” Dear Mr. Wynn: 1 have been read- ing the pro and con discussions on “When a Man Is Drunk.” Please tell me when a person can be absolutely | sure that a man is drunk? Truly yours, B. SOBER. man fs absolutely | he comes home late in bed, then blows Answer: A “arunk” when | puts the candle | himseif out. Dear Mr. Wynn: My brother and 1 have an argument for you to settle. ve Teeth” are the last teeth people get, while I say it's the “Wisdom Teeth.” Please tell us who is right? Yours truly, DENT. L. FLOSS. You are both wrong. The “False Answer teeth which people get last are Teeth."” Dear Mr. Wynn: I hear that ene circus has a colored baby welghing 2% pound How can a colored baby be so light? Sincerely, 0. B. YOURS Answer next week. THE PERFECT FOOL Ed Wyn he has often told one of the wisest men in he wo Sces ail—ne knows ail. Do you ti I ) kind i it to him in paper and watel it you do. i ditor of this (Copyrighit, 19