Evening Star Newspaper, November 8, 1925, Page 81

T HE SUNDAY STAR. WASHINGTON, D. .C., NOVEMBER 8, 1925—PART 5. B Living Algebra, Making Things Look Homey and Other Bright Ideas Accident Policies for the Furniture When the Family Leaves on Vacation BY NINA WILCOX PUTNAM. S Heindrik Hudson, the man who discovered the half moon was a cheese, sald, “Once an insurance policy has expired. there is no use in calling a physiclan—it is dead, and nothing can | revive it. And I strongly recommend that husbands carrying accident-poli- cies see that these are renewed before buying any new furniture for the house.” The great truth of this come home 10 T and George, that's my husband, when we got back to our house not| long ago, after having rented same 10 our dearest friends, that Joe Bush of the Hawthorne Club and his wife. Them Bushes was moving out of their house into a new one which the bulld er promised faithfully by the first of the month, and their landlord bad rented their old place to some other family. Well, it seems this builder of Joe's meant well, but there was no use trylng to crowd him. So when the time come for them Bushes to move there was no place for them to 5o but out, and they was telling us about it, and what in the world w they gonmer do, and etc. Well, this made Geo. have one of | them sudden bursts of friendship. | and he says why Joe old hoss, the missis and 1 are going out to visit | mother nest week, and taking the kid along. why don't you take: our shack until we get back? And Joe| says by jove, what a idea, we could keep it in shape for you, and all but it's got to be strictly bustness old man. And Geo. says, well, why not? You got to pay rent someplace, it will be profitable to us, and cheap er for vou, and I don't see why it wouldn't be @ wow of a idea! What- ter vou think, eh, Jennie? Well, T being a lady, and also in the house of alleged friends, why naturally I didn't say what I thought, | 1 merely says why I'm afraid_they | wouldn’t be comfortable, I guess Mabel | could hardly get along with our simple things, [ know my stove would never suit her, and they would be disturbed by the neighbors, but if they insist, | why it would be perfectly lovely, of | course! And Mabel Bush says, why | 1 think it would be perfectly lovely, T've always thought your house was too sweet for anything and you know | dear I'll leave everyvthing exactly as| I find ft! After that, there didn't seem to be no wavs out, so we savs ha! ha! Well well, that's splendid, so nice for the both of us. And other pale gray lies to the same gen. effect. * o xR JATURALLY this affair left me in for a Spring cleaning of the hot- house, or out of season variety, but I will say the house looked swell when I turned it over to Mabel. Then 1 and Geo. took Junior and the train, and went on out to Lastho-e, Wis. to visit his ma which we done persist- ently and with every ounce of strength that was in us, for two solid months. And thep, while the going was good | we headed for home before we come | to_anything as solid as actual blows. When we arrived back in Dingle- wood, the Bushes wasn't at our house no more, but they had left the key with a neighbor, and the minute we apened the door we at once seen exact- Iy what Joe Bush had meant when he sald they would keep the place in shape for us, without specifying what kind of shape. But when Mabel had clatmed she would leave things exactly as she found them, she must of been blind, on account I am not that kind of a housekeeper. Also it apreared where, when Mabel claimed my house was too sweet, she meant what she said, and had done her poor best to alter that condition, especially where the kitchen was concerned. For some reason or another, they had moved the double bed from our front room, down in place of the dining table. I dunno, if they used it to eat off of, but I wouldn't be sure, from the looks of it. Also they had moved the blue armchair from the right side of the| parlor fire place to the left, which annoyed me a whole lot. In fact them Bushes had moved pretty near everything including Grandpa's wax funeral wreath which had long been hanging over the parlor radiator in vain hopes that it would melt away. I guess Mabel had used a curry | unea | holler about the damage. “WHEN GEO. SEEN THIS DAMAGE. HE INTRODUCED TO A RAW BEEFSTEAK.” are short stories of adventure and in- dustry with the end omitted, comb to clean off the center table in the living room, and Heavens knows what they had done to George's own personal easy chair. At any rate it had been a easy chalr when we left it, but Hot Bozo! it sure looked very v now. It was one of them old antique chairs called wing chairs, and it looked like it had tried its wings while we was away, but got no fur- ther than the celling. Anyways, both wings needed to be set In splints, but | so far not even first aid had been administrated. When Geo. seen this damage. he give a enthusiastic imitation of a bungry lon being introduced to a raw beefstake. For the luvva tripe, he yelled, what have that big bunch of bums’ been doing to the house, anyways, what are they gonner give us to make up for this? Well dear, I says, =o far I have found one strange toothbrush, two ragged suits of under- wear, half jar of rancld cold cream or salad dressing, I ain't just sure which, and three seat-checks, kinda badly worn, for the family circle at the Palace theatre of June last annum. But the day is young yet, I may find more. But Geo. kept putting up a terrible Say, Jen- me, there is only one way we can get even With this condition, that is to_collect on our insurance, you know I carry collision {nsurance on my furniture, also em- ployers liabllity, where and the dick- ens did you put them policies, I can't find them no place? And I says I didn't put them, it must of been you, but the way evervthing has been moved, who knows where they are? Well, we looked everyplace from under the ice-box to the ton of the hall clock. and George kept feeling in his vest pockets again and again and saying, well, I simply can’t imag- ine where that policy is, that's all but I'm going to put in my claim right away, ‘I gotter get this outa somebody's hide. * k k% OT Bozo! It took I and George at least a week to get the house anyways near settled, on account we could only work nights after he come home from the office. And so long as the house was upset why I realized it was a good chance to try the furni- ture in some new poses around the rooms and I got him to try if the sofa looked better backed up aainst the wall with its arms raised, or in front of the fire-place, and ete. during all this moving, we never could find that insurance policy, and the agent, who had the carbons of it, was nie, he vyelled at | Will the People Who Support Broadway Boycott the Place Because It’'s Wicked? BY SAM HELLMAN. SEE.” remarks the misses, “‘where a lot of them reformers is talking about boycotting New York. “How?" I inquire. “By having the rest of the country keep their business away from the -, T suppose,” answers the frau That,” says I, “Is just about as ex- citing as a bunch of guys in Nevada threatening to starve out Towa by re- fusing to ship any corn into the State.” “Don’t you think the whole United States could hurt New York?” asks Kate. ire they could,” T admits, “if they could be got together on the scheme, but you don't imagine those hicks out in the sticks are going to put their own hideaway on the hummer, do o Climb out of the gutter,” snaps the wife, “and talk English. “What I mean, gal,”” I explains, "is that 90 per cent of the rottenness in New York is just old home week stuff for the bovs from Nebraska and Kan- «as and the rest of the sorghum and silo belt. How long do vou think the night clubs and the chicken shows In New York'd last if they had to depend on the local residents for keeping the ticket specs in luxury? Who do_you think the bootleggers in New York peddie most of their hooch to “You, I would say," sniffs misses. “I was_talking to a bimbo in the dress business the other day,” says I, “and he was telling me that he'd just bought 50 cases of hooch. ‘What for?" I asks. ‘You don't drink, do you? ‘Not a drop.' he comes back, ‘but I wouldn't sell even six dresses all sea- son if I didn’t keep the visiting buyers in liquor. The minute they land in town they expect you to have a mes- senger over to the room with a couple of quarts. More than half of the stuff that’s landed around here goes to big business houses for the Western trade.’ “Maybe,” agrees hooze ain’t the only thing ers are complaining abou “1 know,” says I, “but what do you think the visitor from the sticks wants besides hooch? A rotten show and some gals to liquor up with after the performance. And those are the lads that are expected to join the boycott against New York. 1 laugh hoarse. You might as well try to get a bunch of Arabs to start a campaign to wipe out the snappiest oasls in the Sarah Desert. New York's the playground for the country, and the kind of amusements they’'re going to have in the playground are the kind the boys ‘that play and pay want. If a guy wants to be decent he's got more the the wife, “but he reform- out of town on a two weeks vaccina- tion or something. Of course we sent the stuff which had been injured’ to the infirmary where they send infirm antiques to be made less so. And after we had done this I says to Geo. why don't we put out a little of the rent-money we got out of the Bushes for a new living-room table? And seetng where 1 had a argument in my eve, Geo. says ves. So. after we had got the living-room all set, 1 went down to the Emportum, and bought a lovely center table, and that evening just after Geo. had set down comfortable with the evening paper, why the Emporium sent it up. and I had Geo. try it in a few places, and finally put it 'under the bow window with Grand pa’'s funeral wreath of wax flowers over it, and the room certainly looked fine that way. And Geo. says, well, that certainly looks great. I hope to heaven this is the last moving we haf to do! And I says yes dear, I think the room looks e I wouldn’t change it for anything! But when the next afternoon the wing chair come home all well and healthy and wearing its new made to order sult, I seen that the living reom would never look right the way it was. So that evening I had to ast Geo. to move things around a little, to make the room kinda fit together better, and put the big chair near the mantel, with Grandpa's wax fu- neral wreath over it, to look quaint And when we got it fixed, that room certainly looked nice. Well. says Geo. with a high, at last we are settled for the Winter, the room sure does look hamey, I am glad not to have to bother with it no more. now we can be comfortable and quiet. * x % % N a coupla days, looking at the new table, and the synthetic chair, I couldn't but help realiza where we had ought to buy a new parlor rug out of the profit we made off of Joe Bush's rent money, to make the rest of the room look right. giving this inspiration a chanst to cool by calling up Geo. and talking it over, why I simply ordered up the | rug which I had had for a long time | spotted in the Emporfum window, and | when it come Annle Gooch, the lady help and me, lald it as good as any two hens, and while we was at it, moved all the parlor furniture the hall and viceds-worser, as the But | French say, and then I went on up- stairs to wash up before Geo. come | and there, So without | into | home, forgetting to turn on any of the lights down stairs. So when Geo. come home he didn't seem to realize what had happened, and I could hear him down there barking his shins and Jjust plain barkirg, for several minutes before I could come to his rescue. The minute George seen by the halls early light what had happened to the furniture, he commenced to tell me what he thought of these sudden changes. Say lookit here Jennie! he says, how many mere times have I got to come back to a perfectly strange home? Tam sick and tired, he says, of sitting down in the place where my easy chair used to be and finding my- self landed on the kitchen stove! 1 £0 to look for a little cold snack late at night and when [ open the door where the ice box belongs, the only thing I can find is @ volume by Lamb! I'm sick and tired trying to pick mv hat off the spot where the hat tree ought to be! Of course I listened with all the meekness of a wife when her hus- band is giving a good imitation of a loud speaker. But just as quick as the static set in, I come back at him. Say dear, T says. I'm awful sorry if things don’t suit you. Come on dear, leave us move all the living room furniture right back where it uset to be. Well, Geo. says all right, my heaven all right, I'll move that stuff once more, but this is positively the last time, com'on, now, or never. Hot Bozo. & married woman don't often catch a man in that frame of mind, she usually has to frame him for it deliberately. So I at once told Geo just where I thought things would look more homey, and the lust thing of all to move was the desk, and when he moved 1L one drawer come open right where it ought to of been, was George's furniture in- surance ' policy. There dear! I says at once, you see, there was some sense in all this moving our furnithure about. Now you have your policy and you can collect your money for what them Joe Bushes done to our house! liot Bozo! Geo. grabbed up the policy and looked at it and in a minute he says Aw shucks fonly he says it in different language) Aw shucks, he savs, It's no good. it expired this marning' Then he threw it back in the desk drawer and grabbed up grandpa’s wax funeral wreath. Well, he says, that’s hard luck, but never mind' Where will I hang this wreath? he says. And I looked at him nd at the policy. And then I smiled sweetly. Dear, I says, I think the wreath would look awfully suitable hang over that policy! (Conyright. 1925.) “THE FUNNY THING IS THAT THE NEW YORKER KEEPS UP THE UNIVERSITY LECTURES. THE CONCERTS AND THE MUSEUMS, WHILE THE ROUGH STUFF GETS ITS BACKING FROM THE WOULD-BE BOYCOTTERS FROM THE WEST.* chances in New York than any place in the United States “You're crazy,”” returns the wife. ““The place is full of temptation." “Sure,” says I. “You can be tempted to get drunk and you can be tempted to go to Columbia University and listen to a lecture on the Bible. You can be tempted to go to a hoof and mouth show on Broadway or you can be tempted to go to Carnegie Hall and hear a great concert. You can be tempted to play daddy around a night club or you can be tempted to go to the National Museum. The funny thing is that the New Yorker keeps up the university lectures, the concerts and the museums, while the rough stuff gets its backing from the would-be boycotters from the rest of the country. When a New Yorker goes to Topeka, Kans., on business he does his work and he's in the hay at 9 p.m.; when the average Topekan comes to New York he's not in the hay until 9 a. m. and his trousers are hanging from the chandelier. “That,” suggests the wife, » cause they ain't no vice in town's like Topeka.” “Oh, yes,” I asstires her. ‘“There 1s, only the vice in those small towns is dull, stupid and dirty. In New York, at any rate, it'a bright, clean and snappy. In New York one can drink like a gentleman from a bottle that contains something resembling whisky. In Topeka, for example, he'd have to sneak through a couple of alleys, down into a nasty basement and swallow something that tastes like a cross between furniture polish and what the cats brought in. 1Is vice apy less vicious because it's dirty?” *'No,” returns Kate, “but it is, if it's less open, and it's wide open in New York." “‘Perhap! says I, “but it takes a demand to create a supply and the supply don't come from the native. Home life in the big burg ain't no dif- ferent than it is on West Main street in Muscatine. The folks go to church, play a little cards at home, monkey with their little gardens, wash up the . klds for school and spend the rest of the time plaving catch as catch can with the mortgage. About twice a month they go to a show, and the | show the average New Yorker pick is a highclass drama or comedy The yokels make the ‘Follles' pay takes the New Yorker to keep the Hampdens, the Barrymores and tha. kind out of the poorhouse.” “The way you talk sneers the trau, “New York ought to boycott the rest of the country on account of the other States all being immoral.” “Don’t get silly,” I barks. “New York's just what the rest of the coun try wants it to be. If there was rush by visitors toward museums and churches, Broadway would have nothing on it but museums and churches. Brooklyn's a New York residence section, ain't it?” “Yes. *“And,” T goes on, “it's known as the City of Churches. How many visitors &0 to Brooklyn?" “Mighty few,” admits the m ‘They'd never find their way out.” “Ali right,” says I. “Brooklyn's made up of New York residents and it's a qulet, decent place. Manhattan s altogether to visitors and it's & cesspool of hell, according to the re- formers. What's the answer?” “Whatever you want it to be,” comes back the frau, “but how about all those yotten magazines that are print- ed in New York and sent all around the country?” “They send bananas up here from Costa Rica,” I returns, “because the people in the United Statese like ba. nanas. Nobody in Costa Rica hardly ever eats one. If a reformer in a little town of a hundred families can't talk them out of subscribing to 20 or 30 copies of vicious periodicals where' “Just the same,” cuts in Kate, “I bet those reformers will make trouble for New York yet.” Yot for some years,” says I. “There never was a time when those profes- sional veformers were weaker than they are now. Somehow or others the country’s got disgusted with them. The shows in New York are nastier than ever without interference, the young flappers wear less clothes than ever before without any hollering, race- tracks are running wide open all aver the country without a peep, there never was a period when liquor was sold more openly without a yelp and—-"" You approve of tha wits _“No, T don't," T tells her, “but be- tween an oily, paid reformer and open vice, which you can take or leave, give ses. demands the and so forth.” | { with doing I Now they race on locomotive: A, B and C, Creatures of Flesh and Blood, Weave the Romances of Mathematics BY STEPHEN LEACOCK. HE student of arithmetic who has successfully striven with money sums and fractions finds himself confronted by an unbroken expanse of ques- tions known as problems. ! These and though betraying a strong family re- semblance, are not without a certain element of romance. | The characters in the plot of al problem are three people called A, B and C. The form of the question is generally of this sort: “A, B and C do a certain piece of A can do as much work in an Find work. hour as B in two or C in four. how long they work at it.” Or this: ] “A, B and C are employed to dig a ditch. A can dig as much in one hour as B can dig in two, and B can dig twice as fast as ind how long, etc., ete.” Or after this wise: “A lays a wager that he can walk faster than B or C. A can walk half as fast again as B, and C is only an indifferent walker. Find how far, | The cccupations of A, B and C are many and varied. In the older metics they contented themselves certain piece of work. This statement of the case, however, was found too sly and mysterious, or possibly lacking in romantic charm. It became the fashion to define the job more clearly and to set them at walking matches, ditch-digging, re- gattas and piling cord wood. At times they became commercial ard entered into partnership, having with thelr old mystery a ‘certain capital.” Above all they revel in mo- tion. When they tire of walking matches—A rides on horseback, or borrows a bicycle and competes with his weaker-minded associates on foot. now on automobiles; then they row; or again they become historical and en- gage stage coaches; or at times they | are aquatic and swim. It their occupation is actual work, they prefer to pump water inta cis- terns, two of which leak through holes in the bottom and one of which is watertight. A, of course, has the ®ood one; he also takes the bicycle and the best locomotive, and the right of swimming with the current. What- ever they do, they put money on it, being all three sports. A always wins, In the early chapters of the arith- metic_their identity is concealed un- der the names John, Willlam and Henry, and they wrangle over the division of marbles. In algcbra they writh- lare often called X, Y, are only their Christi they ave really the same people. JOR years after that I used to s them constantly about town always busy. I never heard of any of them eating or sleeping. Then owing to a long absence from home I lost sight of them. On my return I was surprised to find no longer A B, and C at their accustomed tasks on inquiry I heard that work in this llne was now by N, M, and O. and that some people were ploying for algekb al jobs four foreigners called Alpha, Beta, Gamma and Delt: | Now ft anced one d that 1 | stumbled upon old D, an aged labo |ing man, who used occastonally {called in to help A, B and C. I this garrulous old man I learned t melancholy end of my former quaintances. Soon after T left tc he told m had been taken ill seems that' A and B had been rowi on the river for a wage: and C h: been running on the bank, and then sat in a draught. Of course, the bar and done “I USED TO SEE THEM CONSTANTLY ABOUT THE TOWN, AND ALWAYS BUSY—1 IN But these | names, and * % OW, to one who has followed the | history of these men through | countless pages of problems, watched them in their leisure hours dally with cord wood, and seen their pant- ing sides heave in the full frenzy of | filling a cistern with a leak in it, they become something more than mere symbols They appear as crea- tures of flesh and blood, living men with their own passions, ambitions | and aspirations, like the rest of us. | Let us view them in turn. A is a| full-blooded, blustering fellow of e ergetic temperament, hot-headed nd strong-willed. It is he who propo everything, challenges b to wor makes the bets and bends the other to hi will | He is u man of great physicall strength and phenomenal enduranc He has been known to walk 45 hours | at a stretch and to pump 96. His life is arduous and full of peril. A mistake in the working of a sum may keep him digging a fortnight without sleep. A repeating decimal | in the answer might work him to| death. B s ald of quiet, easy-going fellow, and bullied by him, bu erly to little C, 5VER HEARD OF THEM EATING OR ¢ Tt i terns in his garden and 1 pump them until tomorrow night | |t LEEP- He lost A's the weakling. power, having bets Poor C is an undersized, frail man, with a plaintive face. Constant walk ing, digging and pumping have broken his health and rulned his nervous system. His joyless life has driven him to drink and smoke more han ix good for him, and his hand often shakes as he digs ditches. He has not the strength to work as the others can; in f: a arithmetic has . “A can do more work in one hour than C in four.” The first time that ever I saw these men They had it had tr as much in in dead is all quite in his mones all been rowing in it, and nspired tha could row in one hour as B in two four. B and C had come fagged and C was coughing | baaly Just then ed mith e blusterin, you fellow shown me three shou li has I bet I can beat you both. Come on You can pump in your rowing thing: you know. Your cistern leaks a little, T think, C.” I hear: rotten sh now, but nd presently 1 i tell by the sound of the water A was pumping four times as B growl that it w a fast s one evening after a regatta. | & | to sporting men and n e and that C was used up | had refused the draught and C w taken il | A and B came home and fc |lving helpless in bed v and said, “Get to pile w and_pitiful X X md | goin, worn here, fl looked said, 1 he hat I stand ton and said, “F it 1 o1 ala ris to w ' smiled fe I might pile a | bed.”” Then F | said e here 1 going to £ a doctor; & ing in.” T think i(*\fln A was affected at the last as he \v\!rvru with bowed head, aimlessly { fering to bet with the doctor on ( labored breathin “A.” whispe going fast “How {o1d m | I | goin, d Sy ps sat up in ed C, “I think 1 o vou think you'll g | moment : of ¥ r A put it in F 18 and he expired nate flood of away his litttle clothes he used 15 if 1 could ha a5 plain and unost hat. out of deferen ithematiciar [ tatious, except two hearses { Both vehicles started ime, B driving the ‘lhfl remains of his i on the box of the em usly con: dred v A engagec at the same containing fated friend. A - hearse. gen b of a Bt the one | ere hu |as E | tery BY RING LARDNER. O THE EDITOR: No doubt the most of my readers has heard of the science of numerology, which has been quietly in existence for & long time, but which recently seems to of took on a new least of life. In fact daily articles on the subject is being written for the papers by Miss Neysa McMein, a noted expert and perhaps dean of living numerologists. Miss McMein could explain the ebject and details of the sclence far better than me, but suffice it to say that it deals with your birth number and your name number and the idear is to get the two numbers to harmonize so as to attain the highest happiness and success, The way to find your birth number can be told by the following example: Suppose you was born on the four teenth day of October, 1898. October ix the tenth month. So you add the 1 and the 0 and you have 1 ‘Then vou take the fourteenth day and add the 1 and the 4 and you get 5. Then vou add up the digits of 1868 and you et 26, or 2 plus 8 equals 8. Add that % to your 5 and your 1 and you get 14, or 1 plus 4 equals 5. That means your birth number is 5 and that you was born to be “soclal and personal attraction, of great charm, but no eat depth; fickle and changeable.” Now the next idear is to get your- self & name that will offset and over- ome them weaknesses and at the same time fit in with the charm. If vour own name number don’t add up right it becomes necessary to re- christen vourself with a name that does. Like, for inst, we will take Miss McMein, and I am not going to ell you when she was born, but her rst name was Marjorie. According o my arithmetic, the name Marjorie McMein adds up to 3, and 3 is the oy number. “The destiny of its older,” says the dope, “is to bring aughter and joy to others." & Well evidently Miss McMein didn't want to bring no laughter and joy to sthers so she took the name Neysa, | making her a 4. And it says, “Alife zoverned by this number will find | success through hard work, through everlastingly plugging away at the job.” Now they may be some that will question her judgment in making | that kind of a change, but the results seems to be O. K. and she still man- ages to bring laughter and joy to others without so everlastingly pl sing away at the job that she don't have time for an occasional game of | croquet. Personly my birth number (March | 8, 1885, for the benefit of the curious) | adds up to a 4, and a 4 Is “A heavy | physical number, indicating tenacity; in 'its undevéloped state it is apt t be pugngcious, coarse and material And my present name number is a 3| {or the same as Miss MeMein's was before she changed it. But I am a great admire of Miss MecMein and don't know nobody 1 would rather he like, so 1 have decided to also be- | come a 4 which I find is possible by changing my name to Feona Rinona. Numerology Science Shows Startling Facts About Well Known Characters I_might McMein 1 to Mrs. B: time to add w say in passing that Miss cently cnanged her nan gwanath, but I have that up and find she was aiming at. t The way you find your name num- | | ber is to divide up the letters of the | alphabet into 9 groups of letters like as follows: OPQR Y Then go ahead and add together the numerical value of the letters of each out | r first 12 and ier name. the digits of jof the n. name is you A | whaol | ferent ught number that_ Jud AT poise, themsel what dit should really cording their birth example we found out Landis by birth 7 tes self-satisfaction and is not likely bestow judge amuse ring names pe e eves Dpec to be F hut or T ahead and could overcome himself glory th maybe nd renown b g his name to Paula Landis Dempsey’s hday makes A feminine, receptive peace-loving, even kind, has charm and likely to lack initi ency.”” Now that hits > bean you migt and is | tempered and affection, but ative and effi the nail right on 1say, but Jack's ne s a |putting him in the |along with Keysa and Feon Juck shouid ought to be a as well as birth its bearer wi |rather than |rather than Jack could expedient to Lula Bot in nam ates tht v cleverness glove And the his forc the maiied accomplish of fist this by | simple changing | i | Dot Ganl caer | “JACK DEMPSEY'S BIRTHDAY ! MAKES HIM PEACE-LOVING. ! EVEN-TEMPERED AND KIND.” BY ED WY | SAR MR. WYNN: An uncle of ‘mine told me his duughter, who is 7 years of age, has a | pet “clam” with which she plays. He even tried to make me believe that the ‘“clam” would get in bed at night and cuddle up along side of his daughter’s neck and sleep, It sounds silly to me. Do you belleve it? o Sincerely, C. FOOD. Answer: Of course I believe it. In the first place, the girl is 7 years of age. That means she is quite small; being small, she must have a tiny neck. The reason the clam cuddles by her neck is very plain. It prob- ably is a “little neck clam Dear Mr, Wynn: I have nbt been | well and don't feel strong enough to work, In fact I haven't worked a day in the past six months. Can you advise me what to do that will make it possible for me to’ work? Sincerely, M. PLOYMENT. Answer: Ginger ale Is very good for | your strength, but you must take it right away. Go to any drug store and take six bottles of ginger ale, run out of the place without paying for them and let a policeman catch you. When the policeman tells the me another helping of spinach.” (Copyrizht. 1825.) judge that yeu took =ix bottles of ginger ale without paying for them I guarantee that you will work hard, very hard, for the next six months. Dear Mr. Wynn: I am a schoolgirl, and my English teacher wants me to write a sentence with the word ““gnd’ five times in succession, and still write it sensibly. Can you help me out? Yours trul; I. TALLIAN. Answer: That is very simple. Say ivou were having a sign painter paint R sign which should read: “Silks and satins,” and say the sign painter con- nected the whole thing like this, | “silksandsatins,” and you wanted him | to paint it over so it would be right. between and “satins and “and” and “and” Dear Mr. Wynn: I have just ar-| rived in America. 1 always heard this was the land of opportunit: In fact, since childhood I have alw: heard you can pick gold up in the streets in this country. When I got off the Loat vesterday I saw son thing shining on the ground. 1 pic ed it up, and sure enough it was a five-dollar gold piece. 1 was going to.put it in my pocket when I noticed a man holding his hat in his hand and a sign on him read: “Please help | the blind,” so I dropped the five-dollar You would say to him: Paint this sign over and be sure to leave a space gold piece in his hat. Did I do right? Truly you M. E. GRANT. Presenting a Sure Way to Escape Fate Of Man Who Isn’t Strong Enough to Work Answer: You did the right thing }in giving the gold piece to the blind man, because You can to pick them up. Dear Mr. Wynn: I live in t {try and am 12 years of age. My boy chum of the past four S | doesn’t play with me any more. |had a fight. He says that my father went over to his father's home a stole the “gate” from in front of his | father's house. Jf this is true why doesn't_his father say something | my father for taking his father's “‘gate." Truly yours. 1GO BAREFOOT. Answer: The reason his father don't say anything to your father for tuk ing his father's “gate is that his | father is afraid that your fathe: might take “offense.” (A’ fence.) Dear Mr. Wyun: should childven | have parents? Yours truly. | [ Answer | ® e cour ¥ next’ THE PERF} | The New Maid—In my last place ! | @lways took things fairly eas) The Cook-—It's different here. They keep 'hings locked up.