Evening Star Newspaper, July 5, 1925, Page 61

But George and His BY NI WILCOX PUTNAM. S Calliope, that ancient Greek poetess, used to say in her Daily Hints to Young Women, “Look out for promising young men, especially the very prom- isiag ones who will promise anything!” And only the other day I was saying 10 George, that’s my husband, how trye that is, not alone of men but of European nations. The subject come up over that Joe sush of the Hawthorne Club, and the hundred iron-men George had parked with him, thinking it was one of these parking for 30 days only propo- sitions. But that was where George made his mistake, on account the ¢ seemed to of gone into dead orage instead. And it's a most peculiar thing, but ccident occurred, that Joe Bush would call us up pretty near every evening, or drop in on us, and now instead he would get the drop on us when he seen us on the street and duck. While as for calling us up, why Hot Bozo! we did all the calling, but when we says hello, Joe, is that there was never nobody home ept some foreigner named Dontans- , or so Central claimed. So after about a month, or 31 days of this, I says to George, ain’t that a shame, see, there is never no £00d_comes of loaning money to a friend not unless you are trying to pick a fight with I Here you are alw: me cut down expenses, anybody would think they was wildflowers and I could do it with a penknife, I vs, but yet you go and loan that feller a hundred good American Green Trading Stamps, and what s it vou? It gets you in wrong h your best friend, that’s all, why n't he pay up Well, says Geo. maybe it is because the money! T tell you he says, if you can up some substitute for money can be used for paying debts, why lemme know. At least you got to give Jue Bush credit for being honest. And 1 says believe you me, credit of any kind is the last thing I'd give him, I got too much sense! And then 1_marched back out into the kitchen wWere I was putting some clean news- phgers onto the shelves under the pots 29 pans, and while in the act my eye fell on a piece about Sec. Kellogg. It's a funny thing, but when a newspaper is laying around the par- lor, or on breakfast table, about all I think conc ing it is to get it cleaned up so’s the room will be more tidy. But I don’t actually throw them Japers out, 1 lay them on the back ¥ h in case of having a new rug 10 put them under, a bad chest to put them over, a fire to light, 2 bunch garden flowers to send away, or any of them chief uses us ladies has for the daily press. And every onct in a while, when putting them on @ shelf, or using them to wipe a flat iron, or something, I will get the chance to pick up a little news, and cleaning up the kitchen shelves as per see above is how I come to be so well acquainted with the foreign debts situation . trying to make A WWELL, it seems that this Sec. Kel- logg had been getting after our ex-allles with a long bunch of notices. He had tried everything all the way from the conventional beginning of any bill-collector’s career, sending 'em a few of what the French call Bill-a- dues, down to the less gentle re- peaters reading “doubtless this ac- count has escaped vour attention.” He | had gone on to “please remit, this is long overdue,” and from there to “an immediate settlement is required.” As a rule, with the average Am. family them are the words to a far Wife THE SUNDAY STAR, WASHINGTON, Have Been Borrowing the Money. Discover That the Hardest Task Is to Keep the Friends Who “TAKE FOR A SAMPLE NOW, ITALY MIGHT PAY IN GARLIC.” it, it appeared to be making a big hit with the nation at large, and may- be even with the ones that weren't at large, although of course since they have no vote, their opinion prob- ably don’'t matter to him nor any other office-holder. Well anyways, as far as I could make out, the trouble Uncle Sam was having with them allles was some- thing ltke we and Joe Bush. It seems that in a burst of enthusiasm, Uncle Sam had loaned a little loose change to them Allies; how loose, he prob- ably hadn’t the least idea at the time. But apparently it was too loose to gather up again very easy. Of course this all got done out of friendship, you know how it is, when a friend’s family has the measles, and they ask you for it in public, and a lot of people you'd like to make a good impression on are listening, well, it's pretty hard to say no And as far as I could make out, it seems that when Europe had the measles, wh naturally we had to help her out. But now that she was well again, just like some of our best neighbors right here in our own home town, e forgot all about the baked custar we sent over, and had even forgot to send us back the empty dish, if you can collect the idea. And now Mr. Kellogg had come right out in front of everybody and mentioned the dish, and says we could use it ourselves, but so far all the allies had promised was that they would try and remember to bring it over tomorrow. And Mr. Kellogg says well, you'd better, that’s all, or you just’ wait and see, so there! And he meant it, too, ‘Well, T read this piece in the paper a little further on where a lot of well known after dinner speakers who get their names in the papers such a lot that folks over in Europe have the impression these speakers must be close to the President, had got up and claimed where Europe should not be made to pay. And they had passed this remark im a tone of “I—am— not-—telli -where—1 got — this — from popular tune, it's too familiar t popular. But as the Sec. sang| dope—but—you—know—where, from ttle—bird.” Meaning the Amer- fcan eagle, or so them European pow- ers undoubtedly believed. * o * % JT also seemed Sec. Kellogg and Mr. Borah, the chairman with a lot of Foreign relations, was made sore by these remarks because it cramped their sytle in the Bill Col- lection business. And so they was getting together to make them self elected Ambassadors talk exclusively about golf in their future speeches, on account the only time most of them wind-bags was ever close to the President was when he passed by them in a parade. Well, after I read this plece, T must say where I was entirely on Mr. Kellogg's side. I know how sore it makes a person feel to have their family owed money, even when they didn’t loan it personally, their own self. But then, quite on the other hand, I could also see where the Wind-Bag Brigade had a few facts to back up their theory of cancelling them debts Very likely just as they say, Europ ain't got the money to pay, but what |of it? I figured that if they didn't pay in money, why it ia a truthful fact that money ain't everything in this world. Take for a sample, now, Italy. Garlic is the strength of Italy, as is well known. She might pay in garlic. I read someplace, in a Spring Tonic Calendar, I guess it was, that there are 300,000,000 + 18 & 1 Itaifans in America, and I can easily believe it, I've seen 'em all myself, down on the lower East Side of New York. And so Italy’s paying in garlic ought to at ieast satisfy the Italian Quota, or Quarter, whichever is c Then take France. to do, @8 was proved in 1914. But anyways, take France. If she ain't got the money and we can depend on that, why France might make it up to us in several ship-loads of correct French Accents, to be distributed among our public schools and col- leges, any remains to be retailed at a good price to young ladies seminaries, club-women’s French reading circles, and rich Americans about to go abroad. I understand where it's an actual fact that the shortage of this commodity in the U. S. A. amounts to pretty near ninety-nine-miilion, nine- hundred thousand or over. Of course the English are our cous- ins, and being in the family we ain't going to rush them; in face, we can't, for two reasons. First because the English think it's vulgar to rush, and second, on account they have pretty well promised us a little something on account. But if they run short on the tons of pounds that they owe us, why a little of that even climate of theirs would be real useful, provided they could aeriate it a little, first, so's it wouldn't clog our sense of humor any when we breathed it in. After these last few mons of assorted weather, the U. Govt. could easy sell a biz Even Climate Bond issue to pretty near every one of our suf fering citize When it comes to Belgium, why some folks like police dogs, and some prefer hares, and the Belgians could send over a few cargoes of both. Also in that old newspaper, which I had pretty near hid away under the ham-kettle before I got the bene- fit of it, why, I found that even Li- beria, the African colony, owed us money, and 1 suppose there ain't really nothing we could expert them to send us as a cash equivalent ex- cept more jazz-music. = SURE would kind of hate to think of the amount of music it would take to square that bill. But then, who knows, they might send us one real good song hit, called “Liberia Blues,” or something, and any school child knows where one big song hit | that goes over with a wallop is often worth a million dollars, ask any B'way composer, or his publicity man. Well anyways, the more I read about them terrible sums of money. the more I thought, well, a least one good thing has come out of them debts of Europe. Those nations have now got a great bond in common, which had ought to keep them froni fighting for a while; namely, how to stick Uncle Sam once more, on the T'win Starts Summer Season With a Garden, But Ends Incident by Going Into Fur Trade BY SAM HELLMAN ONSIDERING the amount of time you've put in on that garden—I laugh,” re- marks the frau. “Your weeds ought to be doing " 1 barks, “aren't they?” No, they ain't,” snaps the wife. “The stuff in the lot across the street looks much better. I don’t think you uld rajse mud in a swamp. Where are those dahlia bulbs you planted a th ago Ask the moles and the cutworms,” velps “They growing all right 2 marks the wife. “How does happen that the moles and the cut- play only your side of the next “How ck, * does it happen,” I comes at you got a face-load of es and the jane down the block hasn’t ““Tha sniffs the wife, “is neither I cuts in. “It's here, Is it my fault that the 1ch happen to favor my returns the frau, “but \ going to get two or worth of results from that eighty-s lollar investment in I dig up a radish for you 1 asks. intentions was good,” admits but it wasn't a radish. wasn't even distantly re- rriage.” 1 inquires, sarcas- led tripe?’ ur at was it? A dish of pic “Just a weed,” answers the wife. “Gosh! sps. of hoed out the radishes the other day by mis- ke and left the row of weeds.” be surprised if you hadn't,” comments the frau. *“How about your a Did the moles get them, 00 “No,” I tells her. “I figure we're going to have pretty luck with them things. They're already up a couple of inches. Take it a look,” I adds,| leading her to the window. “You mean those things near the| sks the frau. “Yep, s 1, kinda proud. “If those are asters,” comes back Kate, “I'm the favorite basket weaver of the King of Persia. Those are hollyhocks.” “But,” I protests, &ny hollyhocks.” “Probably not,” t get “I didn't plant says the wife. A New Anesthetic. HIS newly synthesized substance is claimed to be both a local anes- thetic and an antiseptic. Chemically it is the normal butyl ester of para- ammno-benzolc acid, and is a yellow solid with no odor and a slightly bitter taste. It dissolves in water and or- gzzlc solvents. An extremely weak aqueous solution flooded into a rabbit’s eves so numbs it that a pencil may be drawn across the cornea without sign ot winking for 15 to 20 minutes, after which time the eye recovers its nor- mal condition. The same solution is an effective germ-killer, killing, for example, Staphylococcus aureus In § minutes. AW THAT THE INSECTS FAVOR MY AND SUCH HAPPEN TO GARDEN?" ““That's why you're getting’ em. You didn’t plant any moles, either. I guess you think you're going to get some roses from that bunch of anemia you got planted near the bird bath.” “I sure am,” said I “T bought some stuff today thatll knock these rose bugs for a loop.” “What do you do?” “Sneak up on ’em at sprinkle it in their ears?” “You shoot it at 'em with a spray,” I explains, “and they drop off like church attendance in July. The whole outfit only nicked me for twenty fish.” “Twenty dollars to take care of six rose bushes!” exclaimg the frau. No expense is too great,” 1 says, gallant, “to provide blooms for my own little orchid.” +If you think so much of vour little orchid,” snaps the wife, “you’d spray me with twenty-dollar bills, instead of the rose bushes.” “I'd be glad to,” I assures her, “if it'd get some of those thorns offa you. By the way, I met a lad today who says he can fix up that lawn of mine so_it'll look like a putting green.” “You mean he can make grass grow on it?" asks the misses, kinda sur- prised. “What do you think,” I growls, “is growing on it now—banyan trees?” “That or anything but grass,” comes back Kate. “I'll bet you're the only man in the world that can plant two hundred pounds of grass seed on a quarter-acre plot and raise nothing but_razzberries from the neighbors.” “That'd a been a swell lawn,” says I, “if T hadn't had bad brakes in the weather. You know what they say in England—it takes a hundred years to make a good lawn." asks Kate. night and “That's conservative,” remarks Kate, “with you doing the planting.” “What's the difference who does the planting?” 1 velps. “You think grass cares who plants it?” “It might not care about the who,” returns the wife, “‘but it's probably in- terested deep in the how, when and where. 1 saw that man down the street throw a bunch of seed on top of the ground about the same time you were planting, and in about a week you had to cut your way through the grass.” “Yeh,” I jeers, “but look at the kind of grass it is. They ain’'t no class to it.” “Well,” says the misses, “there’s more class to.any kind of grass than the swellest kind of baked clay. You trying to get a lawn or go into the pottery business?"’ “I may not be getting any results from the garden and lawn,” I re- marks, “but I got it albover the neigh- bors when it comes to gardening technique.” 5 “Technique,” says the wife curt, “‘makes rotten cut flowers. 1 suppose I'll spend the rest of the Summer say- ing to folks: ‘Wen't you take home a bunch of techniques from our garden?’ ‘Don’t you think garden technigue brightens up a room so?" ‘Isn't the odor of that technique grand?’ Cut it,” 1 yelps. ‘At that,” goes on the misses, “I gotta admit that your technique has an odor. It seems to me we oughta get a bouquet. of daisies, anyhow, out of that five hundred dollars you spent on the back garden.” id I plant any daisies?” I ask. T don’t know,” answers the frau, | | “but daisies are the kind of flower: that grow in spite of anything vou do to a garden. Even vou couldn't stop a daisy from growing. That's how stubborn they are.” “Well,” says 1, “I don't care if T never get anything to grow. I bought a flock of mole traps today, and I'm bound to get back the money I put] into_the place.” “How?" asks Kate. “I'm going to catch enough of them things,” I tellse her, “to make a snappy mole skin coat for you.” “That” comes back the misses, what I call a prospect.” - Crossways Humor. From the West Publishing Co.'s Docket. This is an order for a marriage li- cense sent in by a firm of country merchants to the circuit clerk; one of the merchants is a justice of the peace: “DUNCAN, Miss., January 5, 1925. “Please send us marriage license, “Judge Flenoid, age 21, “is “Florence Terry, age 19. “Check inclosed for $3. “WOLFE & TURNER.” As Seen by John Sharp. “Tell your brethren not to trouble themselves about the South,” writes John Sharp Williams to the Balti- more Sun. “It is a pity that the South does not trouble itself more about them. We have the traditions, a rock to anchor to; the ideal, a light to guide, of genuine American- ism tied to a long line of conquests of liberty-written law, going back to Magna Charta. It is in our blood. Like our ancestors. we are not easy to arouse—but we are the very devil at holding fast.” Every Motorist Knows. From the Kansas City Star.. A Kansas City man who bought his car a part at a time thought he finally had everything a motorist needs. He sallied forth Sunday afternoon and found out about five miles from town that he had- everything a motorist needs except a jack and a pump. PR TR Why Is a Bachelor? From Judge. “Uncle Tom,” said his young nephew to an old bachelor, “tell me about some of the narrow escapes you've had from the women. ‘‘Boy,” was the response, “if there was any narrow escapes the women had 'em!” Likeness Was Perfect. Of Glotto, the great Italian painter, it is related that as a pupil of Cima. bue, he once painted & fly on one of his master's pictures so naturally that Cimabue tried to brush it off, thinking it was real. _— Explained. Louise—You mean to_tell me that the escaped convict lived for six,days in a cave without food? John—Qh, no, he lived on milk. Louise—Where did he get it? John—He had the sheriff's goat. 4e D. C, JULY 19: 25—PART Observer of the Flip-Flops of Fate Discour ses on the Little Knocks of Opportunity That He Once Scornfully Ignored. BY STEPHEN LEACOCK. HADN'T seen Ellesworth since our college days, 20 years before, at the time when he used to bor- row $2.50 from the professor of public finance to tide him over the week end. Then, quite suddenly, he turned up at the club one afternoon and had tea ‘with me. His big, clean-shaven face had lost nothing of its impressiveness, and his spectacles had ‘the same glittering magnetism as in the days when he used to get the college bursar to ac- cept his note of hand for his fees. And he was still talking European politics just as he used to in the days of our earlier acquaintance. “Mark my words,” he said across the little tea table, with one of the most plercing glances I have ever seen, “the whole Balkan situation left by the war is only a beginning. We are on the eve of a great Pan-Slavonic upheaval.” And then he added in a very quiet, casual tone, “By the way, could you let me have $25 till tomor- row “A Pan-Slavonic movement!” T ejac- ulated. “Do you really think it possi- ble? No, I couldn’t.” “You must remember,” Ellesworth went on, “Bolshevik Russia means to reach out and take in all she can get.” And he added, “How about fifteen till Friday?” “She may reach for it,” I sald, “but I doubt if she'll get anything. I'm sorry; I haven't got i “You're forgetting the Bulgarian element,” he continued, his animation just as eager as befors, “The Slavs never forget what they owe to one another.” Here Ellesworth drank a sip of tea and then said quietly, “Could you make it ten till Saturday at_twelve?” T looked at him more closely. T no- ticed now his frayed cuffs and the dinginess of his over-brushed clothes. Not even the magnetism of his spec- tacles could conceal it. Perhaps I had been forgetting something, whether the Bulgarian_element or not. I compromi®d at $10 till Saturday. “The Slav,” sair Ellesworth, as he pocketed the money, “is pecullar. He never forgets.” “What are you doing now?"” I asked him. “Are you still in insurance?” I had a vague recollection of him as employed in that business. “No,” he answered. “I gave it up. I didn’t like the outlook. It was too narrow. The atmosphere cramped me. T want,” he said, “a bigger hori- zon.” “Quite s0,” T answered quietly. I had known men before who had lost their jobs. Some of them can use up a tremendous lot of horizon. o o € AT present.” Ellesworth went on, T am in finance. I'm promoting companies. “Oh, T said. T had seen com- panies promoted before ust now,” continued Ellesworth grounds they got to have another | drive to carry them over the present | hazard, onto the long green. | Then I commenced wondering if T| hadn't better write Mr. Kellogg and | Mr. Borah a nice chatty little note per | | each, telling them not to let them Ministers, Primers, Cabinet-Makers and etc. over on the other side of the water get away with anything, also at | the same time setting down modestly | my own good ideas about the Great | American Reparations and what the {Allies might do to pay us, calling | Messrs. Kellogs & Borah's attention to the fact that if it became really | necessary the allies might even go to | the length of stopping their talk about how to pay us and start work at do- ing it. | But before I could write a word | | what would ring in the hall outside | | only the telephone and before I could | BY RING LARDNER. O the editor Very few items of interest happens around a little community like where I live in, and that is what makes it so difficult to get out a article once a wk. Like for inst. you half to pick on a incidence like this. The other day I and the madam was coming back from Long Beach which is right acrost the island and if we had not of been there we would of been coming back from eome- wheres else but it harnened to be Long Beach where we was to, so that is why we come back from there. Any ways in the car coming home the madam said would not it be funny as she speaks very good English if we was forced to obey all the signs that appears along the road. So I ast her what was she talking about and she begun pointing out dif- ferent signs such as stop in 3 hun- dred yds, and get a hot dog. And she says if those was positive orders and you had to obey all of them you wouldn't never get home from no place. So after that remark I started look- ing at the different signs and finely we come to one which said watch Little Neck grow. So then I got into the spirit of the occasion and said leave us just set here and watch Lit- tle Neck grow. But she says what will become of our kiddies wile we set here and watch Little Neck grow, and I had to ask hrr where is her patriotism to think of kiddies when she might set and watch Little Neck grow. Any ways she win the argument and we had to come home instead of setting there for the next 50 yrs. watching Little Neck grow, which would of been wonderful compared to setting at home and watching the old man work. The next evening I had to go into New York for no reason but any ways we went past a bus which had a sign on the outside which says Young Stribling’s Mobile Bungalow and un- derneath it said in smaller, letters California_here I come, so I asked the madam what did that mean and she could not possibly answer so we | S E “BUT I'M STILL WONDERING ‘WHAT THAT SIGN MEANT.” | them, all he s “I'M IN FINANCE” SAID ELLESWORTH. “I SHALL BE IN A POSI- TION TO LE “I'm working en a thing that T think will be rather a big thing. I shouldn't want it talked about outside, but it's a matter of taking hold of the cod fisherfes of the Grand Banks—practi-| cally amalgamating them—and per-| haps combining with them the entire | herring output, and the whole of the sardine catch of the Mediterranean. If it goes through,” he added, “I shall be in a position to let you in on the ground floor.” I knew the ground floor of old. T have already many friends sitting on it, and others who have fallen through it into the basement. “Thank you,” I said, and he left| me. “That was Ellesworth, wasn't it?’ said a friend of mine who was near me. “Poor devil! I knew him slightly. | Always full of some new and wild ide: of making money. He was talking to me the other day of the possibility o | cornering all the huckleberry crop and making refined sugar. Isn't it ama ing what fool ideas fellows like him are always putting up to business men We both laughed After_that I didn't see Ellesworth | for somie weeks. each it, Geo. was there, answering. And in the mean way men have, of not giving their business away over the 'phone to any one listening beside | is veh, no, uha, sure. When he hung up I come straight | to the point. Tell me, George Jules, 1 says, was that Joe Bush? And Geo. bit the excess-baggage off of his cigar and looked defensive. Yeh, he say Joe wants us to come over to supper tonight, he says. Huh! I says, I sup pose he wants to pay vou that hun dred dollars he owes you? Well he wants to, all right, says George, but he can't, in fact he wants to talk about another little loan. Now don't get sore, Jennie, says Geo., I know Joe, and believe me’ he's a friend. | 1'don't believe you, I says, he may | look like a friend but Hot Bozo, he acts more like a Al (Copyright, 19 “FINELY WE COME TO A SIGN | 'm workink nc 7\'(Jrl_'rl'\' ON THE GROUND _PLQOR. 4 Then T met him in the club again How he paig his fees there I do not know This time he was seated among a litter of foreign newspapers with a cup of tea and a 10-cent package of cigar- ettes beside him. “Have one of these cigarettes,” he said. “I get them special They are milder than what we have in the club here.” hey certainly were. Note what I say,” Ellesworth went on.” “The French Government is go- ing to gain from now on a stability that it never had.” He seemed greatly excited about it. But his voice changed to a quiet tone as he added, “Could hout inconvenience, let mo have So I knew that the codfish and the sardines were still unamalgamated What about the fisheries thing?” I ked. “Did it go through “The fisheries? No, I gave it up. I refused to go forward with it. The Vew York people concerned were too shy, too timid to tackle it. 1 finally had to put it to them very straight t they must either stop shilly-shal ing and declare themselves or the whole business was off. “Did they declare themselves?” foned. ‘hey did,” 1 lesworth. “But v on a much bigger thing—something with greater possi- bilities in it. When the right moment comes I'll let'you in on the ground floor. I thanked him and we parted. The next time I saw Ellesworth he told me at once that he regarded Al- bania as unable to stand by itself. I gave him $5 on the spot and left him. said F * % ok * FEW days after that he me up on the telephone to tel! me | that the whole of have to be redistributed. tribution cost me five dollars more. Then I met him in the street, and Asia Minor would | he said that Persia was disintegrat- ing, and took from me a dollar and a RS OGS RN VSN NN WHICH SAID WATCH LITTLE quietly left the subject drop, but I am still wondering. And now I suppose we come to the important part of this little article, namely the remarkable, mysterious case of Walter Catlett, or as his real name is, Tim Noonan. He bought a home in Great Neck and hasn't no idear where it is. Now between you and I friend it is hard enough to find your home in Great Neck when you know where it is and when vou have boughten a home without no knowl- edge of where it might be, that makes it all the more difficult. Well, all I have got left to say is that if they is anything to say, will sumebody please tell Walter where his home is. Re- wards of one dollar apiece will be ‘welcome as far as Walter is con- cerned. Another night T met a left-hand pitcher named Dutch Leonard and he was talking about the Detroit ball club and he said Detroit was chang- ing its style in regards to Ty Cobb, he was swinging his bat much faster than he used to, now he is swinging with his idear in his mind, he must hit a lively ball, Neither of us could understand what he was talking about, so I says can't we get on another subject. All I want to know is how you are still pitching when you are as old as I am. He looked at me for a moment. And then said: “Mr. Lardner: T have got a new ball, which 1 have nicknamed the in- visible ball- which I throw in this manner. In the first place, T can't see very well myself, and when I start to pitch, T always first flip the ball back to second base, and then turn around and make the impression Rod May Find Stream. TRECAUSE a peach tree limb, used’ 25 a divining rod, “tipped” for water at a spot in a Lynchburg, Va., street, city forces are digging up that street in quest of a small stream which has been flowing through the basement of a bank for three months. If the peach tree limb divines cor- rectly, the city will pay for the ex- cavation and = stop the leak, but it the “tip” is wreng and the digging futile, the bank is to pay for the digging. Stand High Pressure. TEEL boilers 4 inches thick and 4 feet in diameter are being made by an American gun-boring firm of the best gun-steel. These boilers are designed for super-pressure steam at 1,200 pounds per square foot. ’ called | The redis- | When I passed him next in the street he was very busy amalgamat ing Chinese tramways. It appeared that there was a ground floor in China, but I kept off it Each time 1 saw Ellesworth he looked a little shabbier than the last. Then one day he called me up on the telephone, and made an appointment His manner when I joined him was tull of importance. “I want you at once,” he said in a commanding tone, “to write me your check for a hundred dollars.” “What's the r?” 1 asked. “I am now a aid Ellesworth, “to put you i ound floor of id, “the grour no place fo “‘Don’t mis Ellesworth an idea I've some time from the me,” s is a big thing been working on making refined huckleberry crop. certainty. 1 can get you shares n at five dollars. They'll go to five hy dred when we put them on ket, and I can run you in for of 'stock for promot services well. ~All you h do is to give me right now a hundred dollars—cash or your check—and I can arrange the whole thing for you.” 1 smiled. “My dear Ellesworth,” I sald, hope you won't mind it I gi little bit of good advice. W drop all this idea of quick There’s nothing in The world has grown hre Take an ordina to it. Let added, “to try thing ‘with a ¥, and wi your brains you're bound to get on block n money busines 1 ¥ job’ floor lesworth looked p; sounded to I 1 I saw nothing of hir | But 1 didn’t forget ut and secured fc canvassing agent for a y of five dollars sion of one-tenth him. T looked a him a job & book firm at a a week, and commis: of one per I was waiting_to tell good luck, when T chanced to see hin at the club aga But he Jook: He had on striped trouse: pre in sec him of his cutaway with was leading men upstairs to- eon rooms. . puffing as mo! | They moved lik they went. I rectors before were at sight “It’'s a sma convener “and bers r: "Ln ne | vou a 1 I watct | up: rly dec | | | suppose, | dog.” | “His directors “Yes, hadn't v cleaned up some mnew sct sugar out of Isn't § what ideas these big 1 £ men get hold of? They unloading stock at dol! It only t t five to organize | could get on | early enougt 1 assente And the next | chance on the |ing to take barley flc He's just more- refined 1 making huc e, five ther 1f only one of these thir ne 1 am offered ground_floor What Would Happen If One Attempted to Obey All the Signs That Are Observed on the Road of throwing toward the batter wonders for ball was. this point to think body Was a maniac, so just as judging in came a music writer and he said he could play the piano it you would lay a clean white sheet over the keys and he played several songs that he has wrote over the sheet over the keys and he played them just as well as I could of played them ‘with a blanket cver the keys including a mattress. - I'm sorry I mad plate and the vears where that I begin you e No Exaggeration Intended. From the London Answers. He—You grow more beautiful y at iful every She—You Jack. He—Well, ever exaggerate too much, other day, then. Should Create a Diversion. From the Houston Post-Dispatch, A lawyer in the Prince Building wants to know how to protect him. self against the exceedingly vora clous mosquitoes. We advice him to employ a youthful and fashionably attired stenographer. = Exists in Great Numbers. From the Toledo Blade. Unfortunately there is the kind of a citizen who works others and calls it labor. Not Today. he garbage man is at the Mrs. Newiywed—Tell him we don't need any. Found! Pete (after being badly beaten in election)—Did you vote for me? Repeat—Yes, I was the one. All Off. “This weather doesn't agree with hat's not surprising. It doesn't | even agree with the weather man.” Wasn't Fired. Employer—You last place three year leave? .Applicant—I was pardoned. 1y you had your Why did you Helping Him. “I'm so happy I can't break into song.” “Get the key and you won't have to break in.” help but Answered. “Where was Sheridan when he took' his 20-mile ride?” . Freshie—There's a town named after you. Proud Senior—Yes? name? Freshie—Marblehead. in Ohio the What's