Evening Star Newspaper, April 12, 1925, Page 64

‘THE SUNDA STAR, | Buying 38, Medium Stout l Woman Humorist Accompanies Husband George on His Trip to the Clothier’s, Where Much Difficulty is Found in Getting the Right Garments. BY NINA WILCOX PUTNAM. § Homer, the boy who invented batting averages, so truly sald “In the Spring, so most wives fancy, hubby needs a brand-new suit.” And only the other day the truth of this when I Mrs. Joe Bush on the phone and asked could she go to a matinee with me, and she says no she couldn't on account she had to go into town and use up a little executive ability helping her husband pull the two pairs off the pile and keeping the clerk from using his own best judg- ment. Well, naturally, this put me mind of the fact where George that's my husband—had certa bright spots on the suit he was wear ing, namely the elbows and knees and the third place didn't show much, only when he was standing up So ‘when he come home that ning I says to him George that suit you got on looks like it had been brought in by last year's cat or some- thing, 1 says, why don't you se ain’'t there enough in the bank to buy a new one, you know, I says, the ads all say that appearances count. And he savs I real called up ed in eve- 1 bet they do—they count up to a whole lot more than you think for, he says, what's the matter with the suit 1 got om, it's perfectly comfortable, he says. Believe you me, it certainly looks it, 1 says, and not later then one day from now 1 want you should get another. Well, Geo. one of them husbandly looks like he wondered why nobody had said your honor, I object, when we was married Whatter you want to do, doll me up like Vanderbilts plush horse, he says, I don't need no suit this Spring. Hot Bozo! If women was to gO through all the coyness about some- thing new to wear like the men does, why they would never get & new stitch to their back, on account their husbands would take them seriously. But the husbands always know that their wife will urge them into the hands of a competent, co-operative alesman about two times every an- num, and so they can afford to pre- tend, belng safe in the knowledge that they will have the suit forced on them anyways. And it happened this time, as per usual * o ox ok EORGE, I says, you ain't good business look motheaten, I says, and it shame for a handsome feller you not to do vourself justice. Oh, well, he says, rubbing his vest and pulling coat into place, you know Jennie, he if a feller is decently covered, 1s all he really needs Decently covered is says, which is why I meet you in town noon and go with you buy it, I says, that is, if you would like me to, T ain't been read- ing the matinee programs real care- ful for nothing and 1 got a pretty Zood idea of what the well dreSsed man will avoid. Checks is going to be_very popular this season ‘Well, George says I never knew a season when they wasn't, I only wish T'd get a few in the mall every morn- ing, now laugh that one off, Well, George, I savs, I suppose you might get up courage to buy a check suit, but if you did I would fully ex- pect you to leave it here at home where I could make good use of it as a background for cross-word puz- ales. Well, anvways, the next morning after Geo. had gone to work. I picked the morning paper out of the butter and read up on the subject of the day. And it's a funny thing how when you are reading clothing ads for the mere thrill of it the papers seams full of them, but leave you want to find a bargain sale, and all the papers have is moving picture announcements This day the on ad I seen was give me it to is a itke know policy down collar ays, that the point, T am going to tomorrow after- rou, dear, while ly men's garments here the Karefree SN NNINR IT'S KIND OF SNAPPY AND UP-TO-DATE.” Klothes Ko, s offering pale green unfinished woosted suits at 39.75 and 1 figured that maybe I could finish one of them suits mysel? and save money. On the opposite side of the page was a real bargain in ladies’ dresscs for only ninety-eight fifty, but I didn't pay no attention to that. 1 cut out my own interest in clothes and the ad of the Karefree Company and when the dishes was done I caught the eleven thirty-six and never let go of it until it had me landed safely in town. When I hit the office and showed George the ad he didn't seem real in- terested. 1f 1 was to wear one of them un- derslung models I'd catch myself starting for high school instead of for the office, he says. We will go down to the Emporium and see Mr. Dickey, he says. Well, then, thank Heavens 1 come along, I says, for that man could take the enap out of a new rubber band and dress a man so's he's look settled while going up in a bomb explosion, 1 says, you ought to be glad, George Jules, that you got a wife with taste to save you from them salesmen in- stead of a woman like that Mabel Bush that lets her husband dress like a installment plan parlor suit, I says, ELL, his hat and * % % o W George got coat and says to that stenog- rapher of his “Be backer round two,” and off we went to wrap ourselfs about a business man’s lunch, and then we went over to the Emporium, where Mr. Dickey had just come in from his ditto, you could tell it from his mustache, which he wears instead of hair. Well, Hot Bozo, if he didn't remem- ber us from last year, and he had the same pleasant manner, and, I guess, the same bunch of sults to sell, which had layed undisturbed on the bench doing a Rip Van Winkle for all they looked any different to me However, he savs they was stuff which just come in. I could believe it, too; they just come in, they never went out. I and George took a seat while Mr Dickey pulled out a few and gave ‘em some air. Medium _stout? says Mr. Dickey with a look at George's middle, which is the only medium where he fs stout at all, “I BELIEVE I LIKE THIS FIRST ONE BEST. Then Mr. Dickey pulled out a suit with a Mansard, or sloping vest and for the one millionth time I had to wonder over the brazen way men re- gard getting fat and going without a corset, and etc, which they would consider pretty near crimnal in a woman. Well, anyways, this suit, once it was actually on Geo. looked good to me It one was a pepper and salt effect of them which s kinda rough all over in places, like the owner had caught onto nails here and there and near everywhere. also was youthful looking and the kind of goods which make grand floor mops when finally retired which ain’t long on account you can never match the material to patch them But Geo. didn't care for it, al- though I was all in its favor. No, no, he says, I want something plain; a blue serge or a dark gray. Well, take both, says Mr. Dickey, you can always use a good dark suit. Yes, use up my entire fortune on ‘em, says George, and Mr. Dickey says ha, ha, just the same as If he actually thought that was funny And T suppose, at that, salesmen haf to laugh at bum cracks pretty near as often as most wives do Geo. tried on blue sults that needed a little lifting on ders, and gray sults that only needed to have the pants made over into rag rugs, and hairline serges which he made a hair's breath escape from, until he give the danger signal of going back twice to a suit that was kinda black, with neat, perfectly even dark lavender stripes in it. Wel], he says d'you know Jennle, I kind of like this one, he says. Oh you do, I says, well, when I see my husband wesaring stripes I want it to be for a real crime, but of course if you Ilike it dear, go ahead and get it, you are the one's got to wear it, 1 says, I merely got to look at it, but don’t consider me in the matter. Well, which do you like, says Geo. Well, I don't want to influence you, that ain’t what I came for, I says, but T personally myself, if I was getting it, I like the first one, the knotted manly cloth from England, but of course if you want to look like a old gentleman, it is none of my business, dear, 1 like you, no mat- only the shou Just about then Mr. Dickey lifted up his voice in song. Practically every one of them is a perfect fit, he warbled. And I sure did have to agree with him. Perfect fit is exactly what they gi me, I says, all but the first sult, however don’t mind me. Well, George slipped into the first coat again and slipped a trifle in the right direction at the same time. Do you really like it, he says? Sure I do, I says, because 1 don’t want you to come home with any common stuff like that Mabel Bush would pick out. However, use your own judgment, dear, it's your suit, you are paying for it, why don't you take that lavender striped one? That certainly was the correct move, all right, and Geo. at once threw down the lavendar ensemble he had been patting.: That one is out, he says, I belteve I like this first one the best, it's kind of snappy and up to date, If the shoulders can be fixed and the pants made over and the vest taken in and out Oh, very simple, very simple, says Mr. Dickey. But fust what he meant by that I wasn't any too sure. Ts there anything else today, says Mr. Dickey then. And Geo. says no thanks, absolutely nothing. So then Mr. Dickey merely sold him a few shirts and some socks, pajamas, neck- ties, collars and a high silk hat in case Geo. was ever to usher at a fu- neral. T have often noticed where a man’s own wife can’t really protect him onct he gets started in a gent's store, and the only reason the salesmen don't sell him the electric light fix- tures, show cases and elevators, and ete, is because they need them things to carry on the business. Well, a coupla nights later, the loosely knotted tweed sult hich Geo. had insisted on getting come home, and just about the same time Mabel Bush called up on the 'phone to know would I and George drop over to their house and play a little bridge, and I says yes dear, weo will be over in about a hour. Then I broke it to Geo. and I says why not put on that new suit, dear, s Mabel and Joe can get a glimpse what the real people are wearing, I says, and also drop a hint to that woman, she h got the worst tast. Feet on Pedals and Other Regulations For Proper Exercise in Riding Horse BY STEPHEN LEACOCK. HE writing of this paper has been inspired by a debate re- cently held at the literary 80 clety of my native town on the question, “Resolved: That the Bicycle is a nobler Animal Than the Horse.” In order to speak for the negative with proper authority, I have spent some weeks in complete addicting myself to the use of the horse. I find that the differonce be- tween the horse and the bicycle is greater than I had supposed. The horse is entirely covered with hair; the bicycle is not entirely cov- ered with halr, except the '8% model they are using in Idaho. In riding a horse the performer finds that the pedals in which he puts his feet will not allow of a good circular stroke. He will observe, however, that there is a saddle in which specially while the horse is trotting—he 1s expected to reat him- self from time to time. But it is simpler to ride standing up, with the feet in the pedals There are no handles to a horse, but the latest model has & string to each side of its face for turning its head when there is anything you want it to see. Coasting on a good horse is superb, but should be under control. I have known a horse suddenly to begin to coast with me about two miles from home, coast down the main street of my native town at a terrific rate, and finally coast through a platoon of the Salvation Army, into its livery stable. 1 find that in riding a horse up the long street of a country town it is not well to proceed at a trot. It ex- cites unkindly comment. It is better to let the horse walk the whole dis- “IT WAS SIMPLER TO RIDE STANDING UP, WITH THE &LET IN THE PEDALS,” “IT IS NOT WELL TO PROCEED AT A TROT. IT EXCITES UN. KIND COMMENT.” tance. This may be made to seem natural by turning half round in the saddle with the hand on the horse's back and gazing intently about two miles up the road. It then appears that you are the first in of sbout 14 men. Since learning to ride, I have taken Manhattan Days and Nights By Herbert Corey. (Copyright, 1925, by Herbert Corey.) NEW YORK, April 11.—Medi- cal news offered without guarantee: Two of the regu- lar smoke-eaters faced Judge Biancl {n Police Court. Smoke as herstofore defined, is a mixture of alcohol and water. They expected 30 days, which would be a nice rest. “You get it said Judge Bianci, “and the cure, t0o.” The cure, it seems, is cold fresh water rather well dosed with salt. It 1s forced down the patient's throat each morning. The judge says the patient cannot take anything with alcohol In It after having taken the cure. “This is not a faith cure,” he said. t works.” Further details will be noted when the patients emerge. * % ok % IDING down Third avenue. What a great street it would be If the L were off. A “grandioso debutto” of a new film at an Italian movie house. A Chinese restaurant, equip- ped with the balcony and wrought- iron decorations peculiar to Chinese restausantsy Where do- they, find them? Or do they taurants with reference to the wrought iron? Anyhow, decorative curlosity shops by the legion. Mostly showing second-hand tools. Hand- organ men, getting pennies. A great new bank, all granite and bronze and crystal. Second-hand book stores. Squints down side streets in which flags and lanterns swing. A flesta of sorts. Veiled children marching in communion. Vaudeville players in costumes cabbing to the next stand. Exotia music from an almost hidden restaurant. Diamonds, dlamonds, dia- monds. Pushcarts piled high with vegetables. For a dime one can get the makings of a dinner. A place that used to be a saloon that ig still a saloon. And, somehow, a fair de- gree of happiness. P locate thefr res- TS & queer thing, but in the years I've spent in New York I have never had but one really unpleasant experience with a taxi driver. Yet to read the daily papers one would think one takes a cab he-e g e risk of his life. chargedme-$ 5408 to noticing the things that peo- ple do on horseback in books. Some of these I can manage, but most of them are entirely beyond me. Here, for instance, 8 a form of equestrian performance that every reader will recognize, and for which I have enly a despairing admiration: “With & hasty gesture of farewell, the rider set spurs to his horse and disappeared in a cloud of dust.” With a little practice in the matter of adjustment, I think I could set spurs to any size of horse, but I could never disappear in & cloud of dust—at least, not with any guar- antee of remaining disappeared when the dust cleared away. Here, however, is one that I cer- tainly can do: “The bridle-rein dropped from Lord Everard's listless hand, and, with his head bowed upon his bosom, he suf- fered his horse to move at a foot's pace up the somber avenue. Deep in thought, he heeded not the movement of the steed which bore him. That is, he looked as if he didn't; but in my case Lord Everard has his eve on the steed pretty closely, just the same. This next I am doubtful about: “To horse! to horse!” cried the knight, and leaped into the saddle. I think I could manage it If it read: “To horse!” cried the knight, and, snatching a stepladder from the hands of his trusty attendant, he rushed into the saddle. As a concluding remark, 1 may mention that my experience of rid- ing has thrown a very interesting sidelight upon a rather puzsling point in history. It Is recorded of the tamous Henry II that he was “al- most constantly in the saddle, an@ of 0 restless a disposition that he nev- er sat down, even at meals.” I had hitherto been unable to understand Henry's idea about his meal but I think I can appreciate it now. (Copyright, 1925.) worth $3.40, for I had taken it many times before. “Drive to_the nearest police sta- tion,” says L T'11 take $6,” said he. ‘Let's chat with the lieutenant! says I The lieutenant ruled that I was right. Also that I should give no tip, which I had not intended to do any- how. And he made the driver sit in the station for an hour while he “looked up the law.” That was the same as a fine. Hooray for the cops. * ok kK HIS was recalled to mind by the faot that the other day 45 other motorists were sent to jail in a single day for violation of various rules. And 132 drivers were fined for not seeing the lights wink in the traffic towers. Il take a chance with a taximan every time rather than with a plain American citizen in a sedan —or, even worse, with the citizen's wife. . The taximen may be hard- faced and explosive, but they sure can drivey WASHINGTON, D. ¢ Togo, Japanese Schoolboy, Gives Attention to the Latest Phases of Gen. Mitchell’s the Development of Air Efficiency. Adventures and to BY WALLACE IRWIN. To Editor, The Star, who oftenly keep his Job because of numberous deli- clous things he do not say in print. FAREST SIR: Yestday my Cousin Nogi go out to Army Grounds for see an exhibl- tion of flying fords by which America expect conquer Ger- many, Japan or whatever come along. Last night he approach back to my kitchen looking tired but weary. “You see airplanes?” 1 ask to know. T enjoy headache,” he narrate peevly. “From looking up?” I require. “No. From looking down. I got seat at top of grand stand where 1 had fine view of 13 of those alrplanes having extra parts screwed onto them so they would fly maybe when ready. They did not do so." Not even any of them.” I negotlate. “2 did,” he profess. “One (1) got stuck on a cloud 44 ft up & eloped suddenly down with tire trouble.” “Were Hon. Aviator killed?” T re- port. ot 8o very” say Nogi. “He come crolling out of the breakage grinning sheepily & say he got so used to fall- ing that he have learned how to bounce.” “What did other Afrplane do if any- thing?" were next question from me. “It ride right up into heaven & stay there so long I got nervus. At end of two (2) hrs it come down again and was scarcely broke anywhere.” “Remarkabilious! T olllicute. “That are a long time for Hon. Army Officer to stay up nowdays. Hon. Aviator must of kept from talking pretty g00d.” “What are you shooti Nogi with voice. “Sometimes one thing sometimes another,” I trolly. “But this I learn from news. When a aviator com- mence talking he come down 80 rapidly it make your brain swim. “I cannot soak up your meaning,” deplore Nogi. “Well it possible look at Brig. Gen. Mitchell. When he go up everybody holla, ‘O see the flying General!” When he come down entirely sudden everybody decry, ‘Observe the walk- ing Colonel’ That were pretty quick come-down for that man. Now he must remain staying on the ground 50 Sec. Weeks can watch him with demotion expression. You cannot fly & talk at same time (quotation from Robt. Burne, famus bookmaker). This Hon. Mitchell better keep out of air- ships or next time Sec. Weeks call him down he wiil be a Sargent.” “Why should everybody plck feathers out of this gt military Ird7" require Nogl. “This are free country are not. Talk are inexpen- sive are not? If talk are so dangrus why do not U. §. Senate blow up & burn down {n 20 min.?" “Nogi" 1 dictate, “you do not & at?’ aib we had really ought to show her what is what. Well, if it was new shoes Geo. would let me see how bravely he could break them in, as if they was bronchos instead of brogans. When it comes to straw hats, he always does that in the privacy of the store and I never see the results until it is too late for me to do anything about it. But leave him buy a new suit of clothes, and he gets as shy as a debutante with her first low-necked dress. In other words, he can hardly wait to put it on. So he did and when he had ot through with the mirror we went over to the Bushes. And of all things, who would open the door but Joe Bush himself in a sult exactly like George's! Maybe I didn't hear about that when I got home again. Hot Bozo! Well George, 1 finally says at last, don’t blame me, I told you to buy that lavendar striped suit. And anyways, what is the harm? Just remember, clothes don't make the man—and they wouldn't even make the clothing manufacturers if they couldn't play two of a kind. Probably this year tweeds is their long suit. * (Copyright, 1925.) TIL 7777, T “IT CAME 1!0“ AGAIN AND WAS SCARCELY BROKE ANYWHERE.” know the simplest alphabet Democratick Govt. Democratick Cousin Nogl, are divided into two (2 depts, the Talk Dept and the Work Dept. When any gent or person talking in the Working Dept cause axtreme ruin & trouble i Talking Dept. How you thini Mitchell could go round in a airplane airing his opinions without making Senator Borah jalus “But should not a airshipper more about airshipping than groundlubber?” alleviate N. “Ah (repeat this 9 times)” I s “in Wash, D. C. it are axtr criminal to know too much. If you know anything you should forget it & awalt for a Committee to find it out, if ever. I were all shocked up when I hear how this Gen Mitchell appear before a Committee & use languidge unfit for anybody axept Charley Dawes.” [ “Were Hon. Wm. very ful to that Committee Nogi. “Entirely,” I statick. Committes say to him, ‘Be brief & use short words, if convenient. G what are now candition of U. 8. FI Force? he report, ‘Some of it are rotting, the rest too green to use. ‘Horrus? they yellup, ‘remember where you are. We are not here to listen fo anny sad talk like Russian novels. We are Uptimists, Gen. Mitchell. If you cannot bring a little sunshine into this Committee, turn ¥r_propeller t§e other way.' " “What Hon. Mitch say from that?” Nog! ask distinctually. “He say, ‘Gentlemen, not know sunshine when you hear it speaking. What you enjoy are moonshine (non-alcoholic). ~ Yet will say one (1) word of Uptim what should make vou all like boosters. In past 4 yrs you have spent more cash-money on air- ships than France, Slam & Irish Free State all wrapped together. Do this not cheer yr hearts to sweet song of spring ' " “They should get very pleased from that,” sippose Nogi. “Perhapsley,” I revamp. “Yet some of those Committee was nervus How much airships we got for that % billion dollars what was budged from the Budget? ‘We have 50 miles 5 get this the know dishrespect- snuggest “When Hon you would of spare parts what belong to style of airships what have been invented. Perhapely they would do in soap mfg business. But we have not found any aviating genius what can fit them together. ‘Could you not hire some inventor to find out what they are for? re- quire Hon. Committee. ‘I hav thought of the very man’ dictate Gen. Mitch, ‘Prof Einstein might think up some way if his brain did not explode.’ “After that Hon. Committe very bursted & bereaved. ‘Dear, dear,’ they holla, ‘we come here ax- pecting to enjoy ourselves. You have spoiled a lot of pleasure for us. Gen Wm you speak very gloom. Now tell us this as joyfully as you can If Foren Natlon should commence war with America tomorrow could they sail in sky & drop bums on all our alrplan ‘Unless they hit our Repair Shops, he dib, ‘they would not injur a single plane.’ “Another Committee awoke rub his head. ‘Gen Mitchell,’ he nar- rate, ‘we have noticed something about you. In last yr or so you have always been taking airplanes out of the garage & dropping bums on battleships. This are a very wrong habit. If you do this too much people will start losing respect for the Navy. What you think you can accumplish by annoying the Navy thusly? ‘If you will read = arcticlo in the Mon. Nite Wkly, re- port Gen with Publishing expressiop, ‘you will found out things I would not dare to sa for I am but a simple soldier.’ ‘So ha! yall all Com- mittee in unicorn, ‘So you write for the magazines! That are the variety of person to who we have untrusted all the air over our broad dumain! A author! That explains muchly. Nextly you know you will be writ- ing sonnets resembling Edna St Vin- cent Millay. This must be stopped before it begin. Hereafterly both reading and writing must be for- bidden among Generals. Operator, call up the Sec. of War & report this scandal. And now the meeting will adjurn because we have only 2§ left in the Budget, and that may escape before we go home.' " When Cousin Nogi hear this torial review he look quite daffed. “I read about that Investigation in papers,’ he arnica, “and it do mot not yet up & pic- | 4 lot too much of it like that t Thers was lots high toned , including Admirals & several Congressmen what belleve a many startled facts. Some o pine TIslands >t nemy & others thinks an Enemy got n sorrows already without Fullip Problemb. Some persons says that Par al oould captivated by others savs t requir twe speaking ratorio 1 what Hon accump! “They have promoted Gen. Mitche olonel,” I snagger. Of surely that are something.” “It are a dishgrace!!” snarrel Nog! “Why is?” I amputate. “If a Com mittee would ring me up for find o what I know a en make m a Colonel 1 shot swell & chest.” “For a person Nogi, would sound bo would all this wish know , after you,” oorrods be too much high honor to n you a private. But when a General must jump down 206 grades for telling the whole truth I feel like frie ake ysters.” “I will tell you some poetry from ilton, famous bookmaker,” I diffu This are it A Soidier he must spend his yout A-fighting nobly for the Truth But when he meets uth some He mus't tell—it ¢ pay. With eyes to front he's got to gaze The more ke knows the less he sevs The less he says the more he thinks No w takes to “Perhapsly * degres I am wondering thu will Gen. Mitchell do now he are a Col “Oh, maybe he will save money of his pay,” T abrupt, “and bild self a airplane. With this he beat world’s altitud record.” “Why he wish go so high-up? a Nogi ignorall “So he can arrive to a place wh he can say what he think about W Dept without it getting into papers. I toss. Nogi are dumfoundere Hoping you are the same. Yours truly HASHIMURA TOGO. (Copyright, 1925, California and Florida Get Distinction As Great National Hotbeds of Souvenirs BY RING LARDNER. O the editor: One of the most serious problems which the average tourist {s up vs. is what to buy in the way of souvenirs to take back to the Iaved ones at home. A Souvenir which is at once handsome, appropriate, use- ful and at the same time not beyond one's means is something that in bird language might be termed a rara avis. And a person who has the nag of al- ways selecting such a souvenir is as few and far between as baby steam- boat captains. Personly it is my good fortune to be mcquainted with at least one of these last named geniuses in the per- son of Mr. Crowninshield the buxom editor of Vanity Fair and wile I rea- lize that this ain't the time of yr. when people are patronizing resorts, still and all T may as well take this opportunity of passing on to the genial reader some of the idears gleaned from the above named gent and others in the hopes that you will remember them next time you go away and they will be helpful in “THEY WAS ALWAYS A UNDER- CURRENT OF SUSPENSE IN OUR HOUSE AS TO WHO ‘WOULD FALL OVER THIS ELE- GANT PINE CONE.” choosing the little mementos you wish to bring back to relatives and friends. On a recent visit to the tropics Mr. Crowninshield bought for a lady named Rice a kind of little round mesh bag made of rice pearls which the bag was just about the right size to hold a base ball or a cricket ball or maybe a billlard ball. Aside from the gift being so suitable on acct. of the name of the pearls being the same name as the beneficiary, why the lit- tle trinket is also the reverse of a eyesore and if Mrs. Rice ever decides to become a active base ball, cricket or billlard player, the bag will come in very handy a container of the to convey to the scene “ONE OF THE MOST SERIOUS PROBLEMS THE TOURIST IS UP VS, IS WHAT TO BUY IN THE WAY OF SOUVENIRS.” as saying that she might of got along for 10 or 11 more yrs. without no rice pearl ball carrier but certainly not longer than that. * x ok * R. CROWINSHIELD bought for the wife of the undersigned a set of 12 articles which they was no name on them to tell what they are for but the Mrs. has came to the con- clusion that they are flatiron holders and can't hardly wait for the day when they will be 0 many garments in need of pressing that she can use them all at once. Mean wile she eagerly awaits the postman every a.m. in the hopes that he will bring a invitation to a flat- ifron party that will enable her to blossom out in full regalia and make the rest of the guests wished they had a acquaintance like Mr. Crownin- shield. A souvenir which the madam recd. from another source some time ago was broughten to her all the way from sunny California and was noth- ing more or less than a pin cushion made of California redwood. It makes a person shutter to think how many. people there are in this countrg and the Near East that ain't got no friends who has visited California and broughten them back a redwood pin cushion. Personly tha Mrs. derives a great deal of comfort and consolation from this souvenir and has even told al- most total strangers that If she ever does change her mind and begin us- ing a pin cushion, the redwood pin cushion from California will be her first choice. On 1 or 2 occasions they hi been visitors in the house who acted for a time like they would take this trinket home with' them it she offered it to them but has chang- ed their mind before it come time to_ g It seems to me that it was also from California that somebody an- other brought us a pine cone about a ft. and a % long and 3% a ft. in diam- eter which laid around the old home in Niles, Mich., for yrs. and no mat- ter how dark and gloomy the day or how monotonous life may of been to other familys they was always a undercurrent of suspense in our house as to who would be the first to fall over this elegent pine cone and break their neok. Oalitorale- and - Florida may b thelr equivalens in wheat or aptly termed the hot bed of sou- venirs as far as the country is concerned and persons who wish to travel only for the sake of buving souvenirs s adviced to conce on one of these 2 states. In one of them you can get a grapefruit or a box of oranges whic the folks at home will be tickled death with same on acct. of it coming direct from where it growed whereas if you visited Iowa and sent home a dish of corn fritters vour friends would think you was crazy No matter what you buy in elther of the 2 famous resort states men- tioned above it will be highly ap- preciated, but if you do your tour- ing in other states you have got to be mighty particular. Like for inst, it aln’t etiquette to fetch back noth- ing from Maine except a pillow fed with balsam and the plece de resistance from the northern penine sula of Michigan is a hunk of cop= per ore. Visiters to Wisconsin will , do well to specialize in cheese ine stead of milk and cream as the last named is libel to protest if you half to take it or send it say as far asg Texas or North Carolina. In any of the states boarding on the sea shore what more suitabla present for the stay at homes than shells a specially the blg curly shells with the pink insides and the sharp point that can be used to throw at a dog or somebody that is practiclng on a alto horn. Surely these is pre- ferable to either live or dead fish particularly if the tourist intends conveying them home in person. England’s Bill for Rats. T has been estimated that the dame ~ age caused by rats to the fvod supe ply and buildings in Great Britain alone represents a loss of something approaching £50,000,000 a year, In addition to this, the rat is a serfous menace to society as a carrfer of dise ease; the occurrence of Infectious jaundice in epldemic form on the west~ ern front during the war and mors recently in Scotland, where & mortal- ity of 40 per cent of cases occurred, has directed attention to a new dane ger near home, for which the rat is responstble. It is common knowledge that rats are prolific. but few peopla realize the rapidity with which their numbers Increase. The litter in an adult rat varles from 8 to 16. Rats breed throughout the year, the period ' of gestation is only 21 days, and Im= pregnation may again take place within & few hours of the birth of a litter. A very moderate estimate of the number of descendants of one palr of rats born during one vear s well over a thousand, and thess in the course of three vears will have in- creased to a quarter of 2 million; these calculations are based on litters of 10 and only 6 litters in the course of g year are allowed for. A single pak of rats will eat more than 80 loavel or their equivalent in a year, an thelr descendants in the same yes will eat more than 46,000 loaves af fels, a ’