Evening Star Newspaper, May 15, 1921, Page 76

6 THE SUNDAY STAR, TUNING UP TODDPORT ONSTABLE LEM SPRAGU marshal of the affair, went slowly down the line of the parade to make sure that all was set. He had it sized up as follows: L O. O. F, fife-and-drum corps—two snare drums, bass drum and fife; Reckards and his “bayroosh"—by splitting the top of his ancient vehicle, the only thing of the kind in Todd- port, Espey was able to turn it into something that resembled a halved watermelon, which he used thus on oc- casions that were strictly formal: delegation from Seaside Lodge of Amalgamated Gondoliers, with ribbon | badges: the Veteran Invincible Fi Department, in red shirts and tin hat serving as escort for handtub Vesu- vius Number One. All these features were lined along the street opposite the exit from the packet-wharf at Toddport. The packet was rounding the Blue Hen buoy at the harbor entrance. “Capt Rotheus Cole ain't any hand to spread on hair-oil talk.” remarked Constable Sprague to Ping Kay. foreman of the Invincible. “but this turnout does him and the town credit, and he's going to say so when he g here and gets a good eveful of i The village hearse, Roscoe Burr on the box, swung into view around a corner of a building and took a place | at the tail end of the parade. Marshal Sprague’s sense of what was fit and appropriate was promptly of- fended. “Get out of line!” he shouted. “I'm_waiting here to see the fun when the boat gets in. They ain't go- ing to bury old Mis’ Dow til] half-past two, and I've got plenty of time." “That's a nice thing to flavor up a welcome home party with,” complain- ed Mr. Sprague, returning to Mr. Kay. “Some men have about as muc judgment as a June bug trying t valtz on flypaper,” stated Mr. K “Capt. Roth wasn't feeling any too chipper about this town when he went - away from here two vears ago. It resky taking chances with his state of mind, now he's coming back? Others of the assembled townsmen ‘were canvassing the probable state of mind of Capt. Cole, ancient mariner, whose disposition had been corrugated by the trials of the seven seas. E why * x % % TB of his departure from Toddport was this: The war had| sent forth a loud call for master mar- iners, old or young. There were eleven old ship captains, including Capt. Cole, retired in Toddport with com- petences. He had called them togeth-| er, urged them upon their duty and asked one and all to follow him back to the sea. Not a man would go. Not only that—they told him he must be getting daffy in his old age. For the brief remainder of the session his language had seemed to bear out their suspicion as to his sanity. Then he had stuffed his old dunnage bag with clothes, settled the contents with ramming foot and—his thunderous curses died in the distance. Until the war was over Toddport had heard nothing from or about Capt. Cole—there were no more ma- rine lists in the newspapers. And now the packet was slowing down for the landing. ‘The engineer of the sardine factory across the cove had been instructed and had already tied down the whistle cord; it was a particularly raucous \ whistle. When the coiled heave-line came hurtling toward the wharf the fife and drum corps struck up ‘“The |, Campbells Are Coming.” The passen- ‘ gers on the packet, bound for points further down the line, crowded to the rail and showed great interest. An elderly man with a florid face in which were set goggling eyes placed | village. elected you first selectman of Toddport. Best wishes! Good day He flipped his whip and went away at a good gait. First selectman of this dod-rimmed, d _cow-pasture!” snarled Cap . “I'd just as soon be the bung. hole’ of a scuttlebutt on a Portugee flounder-chaser. But if I'm first select- | man, that makes me assessor of taxes. By the hoot that old Uriah hooted, I'll ripene Cole. PV | tune up Toddport to concert pitch if the G string don't bust! | On the following Monday Toddport beheld something novel on the street. | Roscoe Burr's big underslung jigger- wagon, drawn by two horses. Mr. Burr reining them. Mr. Burr trucked as well as hearsed for his living. | The jigger had a canvas awning, like the shelter of a quarterdeck, and | under the awning were Capt. Rotheus | s | Cole, a roll-top desk, the town's safe and .the town's books. Halls were made in front of the various pieces of real estate in the Capt. Cole, at his desk. scru- tinized, pondered, scratched his ear with a pen-stock, examined all details of the various houses and buildings and made entries in a big ledger. It was perfectly plain to his onlook- ing townsmen that their new assessor was out assessing, and doing it in a strictly original manner. But a spokes- | man for the crowd at Basom's store | sought specific information. “Assessing, hey, Cap'n Cole?" “Agsessing’” The captain kept on writing without turning his head. i “Well, it's time for that to be done.” “I'm doing it.” “The town has been on the down- | wide apart was at the rail, too. Under one arm was a set of gigantic stag- | horns mounted, evidently, to serve as & hatrack. When the fifes and drums set up their clamor he began to peer 1 into the faces of the other passengers ' whom the ovation was intended. , _“T call for three cheers for Cap'n | Rotheus ~ Cole!” bawled Marshal Fhe captain of the packet h : e captain of the packet had ste; Ped down from the pilothouse. and he slapped the elderly man on the back. “All being done in an A-1 shipshape | and seamanlike manner, Cap'n Roth! 'y Some town to come back to, hey?” “You let out one more yawp.” roared | Capt. Cole, “and I'll—" He started for the gangplank and charged down it. the threatening horns stuck out in front of him. Constable Sprague, offl- efally marked because of a faded cockade on the side of his hard hat, ‘was confronted by the hero. *“So you've gone to work and got up yanother one of your damnation chiva- | ree-bees, have you, you blue-gilled ison of a Hyannis Sculpin! I know your style.” “It W of { town—" “The sentiment of this town is to the sentiment a rail! I know what this town is. In your case, your vittles don't set right , unless you're stiff-legging it upstreet in front of that fife and drum corps.” + He brandished his antlers furiously, and Marshal Sprague backed away. “Now, be reasonable, Cap'n Roth,’ * pleaded Foreman Kay. ‘Step into pey’'s beroosh, there, and have a _. ride and cool off. Here's the Invinci- bles—" “T see 'em. Yow're getting ready to| tap me for the price of a steak blow- out. The only fire your crowd ever g&ot near to was a fire in some kitchen stove where vittles was cooking. Fend oft. or I'll pick you up on these horns and heave you into the cove. He pushed several men out of his path and climbed upon the platform! of a fish house. “I'm glad you're all here,” he de- clared grimly. “I may not seem to be glad, but 1 am. It saves me chasing around all over town and tackling you separate. “You've got.a general idea of where Tve been for the last two years. I have been beating and banging back and forth acrost the Atlantic ocean n a four-masted schooner, with pow- der and case-oil under me, and hell on seven sides of me, torpedoed twice —and that's all I've got to say about §t! And I have made it my way to keep posted on where You've been— Briggs and you other Mine old qua- haugs! You've been right here tak- ing advantaze of a war to sell wessel property for ten times what's it's wuth. And I'm knowing to it that mot a condemned man of you has bought liberty bonds with your money 1 suppose you thought the govern ment was going onto the cause you were staying at home and not lending a hand “Well, you have been getting richer yourself, haven't you?" demanded Capt Briggs. 1 told they have been p: ing masters a thousand dellars a month for foreign trips. “1 left every bl scrost the Atlantic sounder every night the grub and clothes that money has bought for poor children. 1 see that you've got a hearse in line! For once you're right! There's a call for i funeral. This town is dead 2 Bury it * x ok x sted cent of it over ocean, and 1 sleep when | think of down from the plat- form, cleared a path for himself with the menacing horns and stamped off up the street toward the big hou where he had lived a widower existence for many vears Driver Burr slapped the reins across the flanks of his horse and started up the hearse. His way lay along that of the retreating hero. 1'll give you a Jift with them horns as far's your gat if you say the word, Cap'n Roth” he calied out “You stick to your regular job and ~keep that hearse well ‘iled up.” ad- vised the old skipper m going to appoint a few funerals in this town, guaranteeing to have the corpses ready!" ‘ou ‘pear to have Kept up pretty well on town news,” pursued Mr. Burr, walking his horse. “But 1 reckon you're just in from your last trip acrost d mebbe haven't what was about you two “Look here, Hurr, E stepped growlcd the cap- whip along and !land on Axel's Cove, | dust feathers over me and ride me on | cupied by the Blaisdelis for shinyard, rocks be- | grade for a long time. No new busi- ness. Property values shrinking. A | general reduction was needed. How | much are you shaving down on my stand of buildings?" ‘The captain cocked one goggling eye in order to locate the dignitary for|OVer his shoulder as if to make sure! ng. | of the taxpayer who was speaki Then he thumbed the le«'lger.p “‘Kel- lett, Jonas'" he promulgated with the volume of tone that an able- bodied auctioneer would employ, “‘land and buildings. valued for - ation at eleven thousand dollar: " squealed the ‘When I want an adviser about assessing, I'll drop you a postal card, promised Capt. Cole grimly. *I as. sessed myself first. here to Toddport the old house looked twice as good to me as it ever did be- fore. I have doubled my own valua- tion, and I'm tuning Toddport up to that pitch, gents. right up to that pitch!” He turned his back on them. He pulled papers from a pizeonhole of {the desk and glanced over certain the | figures. Then in that same stentorian tone of voice he announced as he wrote in the ledger: hore-front formerly now owne by Bowditch Briggs, {Casper Sumner, Horatio Wass, et al lue sedenty-five thousand dollars. Capt. Briggs had a quarterdeck voice of his own. ot by a tin damsite. Roth Cole! That's unim- proved pasture-land. It ain't worth ten dollars an acre. €apt. Cole smacked his hand down on the pigeonhole papers. “What you say by word o' mouth is important if true, but what you write over your own signature mdy be reckoned as truer if it comes to law, and it's a cussed sight more important. Here's your own letters that I got from the Acme Shipbuilding Company, who tried to buy that land. Your best offer was one hundred thousand dol- {lars. When I nick off twenty-five thousand dollars. I'm doing a liberal thing for a fellow master-mariner. * *x % x HAT afternoon there was an im- promtu gathering of leading tax- Lpayers in Centennial Hall, where the dead odors of onion-flavored chowder still lingered. “As I've been able to follow the thing, from what I have read In the newspapers about this war, everybody !was fizhting to get shet of emp'rors, sail old Perry Trufant. “And here we have one rammed onto us!" “Whilst he was over in furrin parts taking private lessons in this crown- ed-head business, it's a wonder he |didn’t get his eyes opened to what {happens to them ‘who try to rule and reign and ruin,” suggested another taxpayer. What jeeskived, slush-brained old hyampus Was it who first started th, move to make him first selectman? demanded the infuriated Capt. Briggs, The Rev. Twilliger rose and kneaded his fingers and cracked his | knuckles. “I believe 1 did raise my | voice—that 1 did opine, at the lay- {men's vestry meeting in early spring, | that the town's highest honor should | 0 to our only hero,” he confessed. Capt. Briggs did not take back words or moderate his scowl. One_might guess that the Rev. Mr. Twilliger had been hearing from some of the laymen who regu- |larly chipped in to make up his sal- jary. “I have dropped in here this | aftérnoon to offer my aid in smooth- ing troubled waters, to undo if may be, to mediat ‘1 alway ! try to show due respect to a parson.” grumbled the unrecon- iled Briggs, “but that's when he stays where he belongs—either in the pulpit or in the setting-room, mak. ing his pastorial calls. He don't be- long in politics or business.” “I fear not—after what I have been hearing.” confessed the pastor, humbly. But 1 feel a loud call to duty in promoting harmony in qur beloved community. 1 _will go to Capt_ Cole and—and—-"" “What damnation good would that do.” roared Capt. Briggs, careless of Parson Twilliger's presence, “with the chairman Cole’s first cousin? You might as well try to cool off hell with {a feather fan! Capt. Cole was patroling his porch, after a pleasant and profitable second session of assessing. “Step onto the quarterde parso he invited “you'd bett *tend to husiness but, L , 1 wal e buried! “That's right!” agreed Mr. Burr blithely. “All | was going to say was Abaiai the April town meeting they amiably. “I see you've come with cargo! Go ahead and break open the main hatch. . . . 0 they're all vowed and all ag’inst me, heyl” demanded the l When I got back ( after he had listened with Increasing | complacency “But allow me to remind you, Capt. Cole, that these are the days when the world is seeking peace. What a shame it would be if our dear town should be disturbed by unseemly strife! “That's right!" agreed the select- man cordially. “But it takes two to {make a quarrel ~T'm all pleasant and agreeable. According to your | tell, they are the ones whb are mad. | You go and advise 'em to take their medicine and smile, and then there | won't be a mite of troubl Rut they are all against you!" That's a sign I'm right, consider- that it's Toddport.” explain that 1 feel par- Capt. Cole,” | "I must | ticular responsibility, CAPT. COLE TREATED HIM AS IF HE WERE A CAT LUGGING A SNAKE INTO THE HOUSE. faltered the Rev. Jasper. “My voice was the first one raised in advocacy of granting you the homor you now enjoy.” “I'want to know!” shouted the cap- tain delightedly. “Well! Well! The pulpit does bless the world, every now and then, doesn't it? Now, par- son, seeing that you're right in with me, hand and glove, I want you to take a word from me to all inquirers about my policy. They'll probably believe you better than they did Ros- | coe Burr. He's all right in driving hosses, but he can’t seem to drive, home any special conviction. This town needs tuning up like the whole world needs it—and I've been out and around during the past two years where tuning has been going on. This town has needed things for a good many years. I'm after money enough in taxes to buy those things. There's plenty of money here, and I know just where it is; and the critters that have been holding out on us all these years and haven't even felt a special ithrill as American citizens the past| two years or so are going to feel something from this time on. Il be lin the nature of a brad and if I get t00 much 1ip I'll heat the brad. You can preach a sermon about it if you want to.” “But do you refuse to listen to any suggestion of compromise on any points?” “If that means taking advice from anybody in this town, I'll have to say - “I may have to preach a sermon on the danger of having too much self- willed zeal,” declared Twillger, show- ing as much temper as he dared to display. “Oh, go on ahead! Most any kind of a sermon would hit me somewheres, or else it would be a cussed poor ser- mon."” In late April there was a flareback of mature that gave the country around Toddport almost two feet of | fnow, and old Dan Wyman came i down.from the Scrubhill district into | the village without beils and stored the pung, under the impression that winter was ended. In his zeal. Se- lectman Cole was enforcing all laws, one of his daily stunts being to dig through the stautes, searching for | laws fo enforce. Therefore, it being ilegal to drive on snow without bells, the gelectman had old Dan_before, Trial Justice Waldron in a Jifty after Dan had appeared in the village. He received a fine. * %k %k % TWO days later the snow had been licked away by the sun. Mr. Wy- man came rioting downhill into the village in a beach wagon, and on har- ness and wagon were more than two hundred bells that ranged In size from a dinner bell to a doorjingler. | The ungodly clamor started four runaways, one of them the Jjigger- ¢ Assessor Cole—and when Pilot Burr fell over the head and shoul- seated at the | wagon o the reins broke, backward upon ders of his employer, desk. ’ ‘ole was faced by Mr. Assesor e %tne sigger had been yyman after xl)grzn:d to a halt between two elm trees. “Tomding ye, h law to suit ye? in a squeal that could be mile. m“’e:(e tly, Dan! Perfectly!” stated rearranging his joggled Capt. Cole, you and the law ev I obeyed the bell- | queried Mr. Wyman heard for books and papers. Done jest what says, hey?” Yt doesn't say that bells shall be on beach-wagons, Dan. On_the other hand, it doesn't say that they shan't be there. So you're all right!” “Law doesn't say that I've got to take 'em off, hey? Then they'll stay on, and I shall drive in here three times & week, and, seeing that you are Lord High Gull, you'd better give out your warning to all concerne: “All right,” agreed Capt. Cole sweet- 1y. “I'll order storm-signals displayed from the Scrub Hill to Basom's store and advise that all hosses ride to kedge with heavier cable. Drive spry when you leave the village, Dan. Them bells is quite pretty music when they're jangled up in good shape! But Mr. Wyman walked his horses; he seemed to have but little Interest in_his equipment. ; “I have been waliting and hoping, said Cap. Briggs, who had viewed the scene und had heard the dialogue, “that there was something, some- body or somehow by which we could rig a derrick here in this town to get Cole mad. so that we could have the advantage of him. But It's no use. ‘man, just by himself. with that squeal, without any bells, is cnough to make an ordinary man mad. ‘And he comes and sets Capt. Cole oft in & runaway. and then sasses him be- fore the pubiic, and all he gets is a smirk and a smile. We ain’t going to get anywhere with Cole till we can get him mad. You can't go to work and tackle Roth Cole with a hatchet, or ambush him and shoot him. There are slicker ways of taking care of men that's got to be handled. They're making more of a study of it now than ever. I've got in touch with a nephew of mine that's a professor of physicology, and he says so.” “Doctor nothing! Physicology means studying the mind so as to take advantage of it. 1 have hired him to tell me how Roth Cole has got to be handled. Lt's done so slick that he doesn’t know what is doing it. It's iMr. going to take a little money. It ain't up to me to stand all the cost. Are you willing to be assessed?” | “I hate to pay out money to_spoil a man's morals,” demurred Mr. Kay. Perhaps you haven't heard what his latest talk around town is." Sug- gested the plotter. “Well, I'll tell you: He is saying about your Vet- eran Invincibles a whole lot in addi- tion to what he has already said in your hearing. Says your old Vesuvius Number One can't squirt high enough to wash the upper panes of a winder on the first floor, or throw voluine enough to wet down old Widder Dob- son's pansy-bed.” “He did, did he?" barked Foreman Kay. “He says he's going to spend some of that tax-money in getting equip- ment that's up to date—and then he going to have a new crowd of young fellows to man it. That's the way WASHINGTON, 1 D. C. MAY 15 1921—PART 4% wholly lost his wits. He realized that | “You and your company get after what he was handling was indubita- | these fires!” A Story by Holman Day line tomorrow evening. and you'll see the how of it.” Mr. Jordan rose and selected & fresh cigar, lighted it and started away. Capt. Briggs obeved that injunc- tion to be on hand, and 80 did every- body else in Toddport. The attentive citizens ringed the square. In the middle of the arena the most conspicuous object was the steam fire engine. The torches showed up Capt. Rotheus Cole. He stumped to and fro and gave off orders in sea- tones Th | given to Constable Angus McBride, iwho captained a squad of husky young fishermen. They were still piling lengths of old ship timber upon a heap that was fully as high as the second floor windows of Ce i o ' o 'ntennial Wesley P. Jordan, esq.. stood o steps of Basom's sore and twisen o charm at the end of his watch chain and his voice was not heard. The mysterious packing cases which had come along with the engine were tiered near the heap of ship timber. When all seemed to be set Capt. Cole lifted from one of the cases an object that was about as large as a medium-sized pumpkin “Fellow citizens!" The st tones hushed all the sabblo of the throng. — “Seeing that proputty in Toodport has been found to be wuth so much, and seeing that you have all woke up to what it is wuth, after hav- ing it brought to your attention, the next thing to do is to protect that proputty. "This engine that you see here before you can do a whole lot, just like the man she’s named for. But she can’t do everything. I ex- pect to be helped by individuals and she must be helped by individuals, as you might say. This here what I hold in my hand is an individual.” He brandished the object. “It ought to be in every home, like individuals are in homes. And now. if youll all peel your weather eye, you'll see for yourselves why I say it ought to be where I say it ought to be. In fact the label on it says: “The y me Treasure an 4 Mr. McBrides stand byt L roteetor . * X % x e orders that he bellowed were he's starting in to run this town and all its regular old institutions into the ground!" Foreman Kay plucked a bill from his wallet and jammed it into Captain Briggs' fist. “If that ain’t enough call on me! And I'll pass the hat among the boys First Selectman Cole gave no sign that he suspected plots, apprehended designs or feared a revolution in his domain. He practiced autocracy of an advanced type; he was as aloof as a mountain peek. When Mr. Burr sought, on his own initiative, to act as a sort of secret police, bringing rumors, tattlings and eavesdroppings, Capt. Cole treated him as if he were a cat lygging snakes into the house. WHat they say about me, Burr, ain't of enough importance to make a flea’s ear burn. Don’t take my mind offm the main issues by bothering trifles.” Some of those main issues were blows at the vitals of what had been viewed as inalienable rights of citi- zens of Toddnort. The settees along the sidewaiks where men gossiped and whittled were abolished by an anti-loafing edict promulgated by Se- lectman Cole. He deposed "Lem Sprague as constable and put in his place an imported peace guardian. This was Angus McBride, a Prince Edward Islander, who had sailed first MR. MBRIDE stabbed a lighted torch into the vitals of the heap of ship timber. Flames began to leap and roar within the tiered chimney. “Let no one be alarmed!” bellowed Capt. Cole. “I'm at the wheel!” The ring of spectators widened. The heat drove them back. Foreman Kay was at Capt. Briggs' elbow and displayed the naturalgngp- prehension of an accredited fire-fight- mate with Capt. Cole. invested, * ox % ok \IR4 KAY had money s shared fully in the general Todd- port grudge against the serene over- lord and felt particular responsibility as the foreman of the threatened In- vincibles. One day he appeared before Capt. Briggs fresh from the packet wharf, where he had seen an item of freight unloaded with grunting of warp and creaking of sheaves. It's here! It has come!” ground Mr. Kay between bared teeth. “You've sippylogicaled and experted this thing in cussination fine style. You have let do it! It's here, I tell ye!" 'm glad it is," stated Capt. Briggs, calmly, “seeing that you take so much interest in it, whatever it is!” “His fire-engine has com The listener was not a bit stirred by the news. He spatted the dirt from a handful of little beets and laid ‘the green tops in a basket. To Mr. Kay's utter amazement and infuriated wonderment Capt. Briggs rose and tucked the basket of greens under his arm and started for the house. “When you've got any real and im- portant news, Kay,” he called over his shoulder, “come around with it I can’y be bothered with timmy-doodie stuff® when it's time to get my beet greens over the fire.” In default of anything better to do, Kay traveled back to the packet wharf, where he found among other citizens, Capt. Cole conferring with a thick-get stranger who had a lambre- quin mustache and a loud voice and much self-confidence. The two were walking around the fire-engine, inside a ring of gloomy taxpayers. T'll announce to all present,” said the stranger, “that when I approached Capt. Rotheus Cole in regard to this engine, having heard from reliable sources that such a machine was wanted in this town, I gid not ask his permission to put his name on it, after we had settled the trade. He is'a modest man, and that is well known. But I'm sure the citizens would rise as one man and protest if that name is taken off. Cant. Cole, as citizen and first selectman, has taken the lead and full charge in this movement to make Toddport safe from the ravages of th fire-flend. He has spent the town’ money and taken full responsibility. That is how I understand it, sir!” “You understand it right" agreed the captain. “In this case. as in other things, too many cooks in the galley scorch the swagon! Gents, I'm intro- ducing-to you Wesley P, Jordan, es- quire, who has given this town a good bargain in a second-hand engine. Said engine will be tuned up and will show what she can do tomorrow even- ing in the square. I'll say to Foreman Pingree Kay that he and his men are specially snyited.” Mr. Jordan spent the early evening on Capt. Cole's porch and then started for the tavern, pleading a hankering to get to bed in good season in order to be in godd trim for the next even- ing. “That's a good notion,” said the cap- tain. “Both of us neced to bé fresh. But if it _does happen that you hang around the tavern office any length of time before you go to bed I ask you not to have talk or truck with any of the critters th loafing around ther I especially warn you against a straight descendant of ‘thc pirate chief, Cap'n Teach, name o Cap'n Bowditch Briggs.” “Much obliged-for the warning,” re- turned Mr. Jordan. And then he proceeded, by way of a back street, directly to the home of Capt. Briggs. The cordiality of the reception ac- corded to Mr. Jordan would have as- tonished the first selectman of Todd- port mightily. But in front of the amazed face of the listener Mr. Jordan put up a rigid and refusing palm. “I'm here and reporting that T am ready to operate. As to how I propose to operate I have no information to give out. It's a matter that must be handled delicately. To put your first selectman so definitely down and out that he will gladly and voluntarily resign office and efface himself—that's the order.” Yes. But how—" “Merely post yourself in the front BY H. 0. BISHOP. RIDES and poets, as a general rule, are permitted to mo- nopolize the month of' June. This year, however, the new- lyweds and the versesmiths will be obliged -to share their fascinating Junetime with a whizzing comet which drags a tail more than two million miles in length. This comet is known to astronomers as the Pons-Winnecke. The latter name is pronounced “Vinmicke.” It was named in honor of two celebrafed astronomers. Pons was a French- man and Winnecke a German. The former, who was known in his day as the greater “comet hunter,” discov- ered the Pons-Winnecke on June 12, 1819. From that time until 1858 it was not observed by any of the world's astronomers. During the lat- ter year Winnecke, the German, ob- served a comet and for a time thought that he had found an entirely new one. He was shortly convinced it was merely a return of the Pons comet. Since that time it has al- ways been referred to es the Pons- Winnecke. This elongated bird of the distant heavens, shaped something like an eel or snake, is an amazingly swift fiyer. It is truveling toward the United States at a .speed of 72,000 miles per hour, or 1,728,000 miles per day. By June 37 it will reach a point in the skies about two million miles from the earth. This will be suffi- ciently close for the tail to side- swipe old mother earth and show whether it is made of harmless ma- terial or damaging stuff. For sev- eral days prior to June 27, the pril- liant tail will be observable from all parts of the country. * % ¥k T {s rather difficult to conceive of anything two million miles in length. If that two-million-mile tail were attached to a live serpent of some kind, capable of controlling it in any desired fashion, it could easily be looped around the quatorial sec- tion of the earth eighty times. If the fair maid who is supposed to in- habit the moon should happen to take a rancy to the Pons-Winnecke comet tail and want to decorate her coun- try, sie would have enough material to make eight blazing- streamers reaching all the way to the earth and enough left over to make a big bow hair ribbon for herself. When_ Asaph Hall, professor of | er. “I don't know what the blasted old kodobus thinks he's- going_there, I reckon I'd better call out Vessu- vius Number One! “You hold your hosses.” snapped the captain. “There’s something to come!" “And now, fellow citizens.” roared the master of ceremonies, “T'll show ¥ou why one of these treasures should Be in every home!™ He stepped nearer to the blazing mass and hurled the pumpkin object into the crater, Flames shot high above the top of the heap of timber. The advocate of the “home treasure™ backed away from the volcano, and cither the heat or his doubts sent queer ridges into his countenance. Then con- viction that he must be right smoothed out the ridges. He stepped back to the case and secured two of the things and banged them into the blaze. Torrents of flame streamed upward. Capt. Briggs, holding to Foreman Kay lest any part of the “physicology” proposition should be put_out of gear. rushed across to where Expert Jordan stood revealed in the blinding glare. “Is this it?" demanded the captain. | Mr. Jordan nodded. | Just then Capt. Cole, working fast, crashed two more of the ‘“treasures” into the seething flames. The tossing tongues of fire licked the heavens. Mr. Jordan lost his air of placid contempla. tion. . Citizens were voicing their fears. “What's the matter with this dub town, anyway ?" he queried with disgust. “Why doesn’t_the biz laugh go up?” “What the hoopus is there to laugh at?’ squealed the foreman of the In- vincibles. “Why, it's a joke! It's to put him on the blink! It's so that hell want to duck out of town so as not to face the | ridicule,” rattled Expert Jordan. “Those grenades are filled with Kerosene.” At that moment Capt. Cole was leap- ing like a kangaroo and was heaving | them four at a time. In that exigency | he seemed to be as curiously lacking in | sense of humor as the rest of his towns- | men. Mr. Jordan appeared to realize that fact all at once. “You must stop him. Confound it, 1 never saw such a thick- headed fool. Set men on him “You'd better start up that engine you sold him,” raved Capt. Briggs, trying to grasp the situation, but unable to under- stand much except that there was a| kickback in the “physicology.” “If that fire ain't put out. this town will go to hell huraming !" ““But that's more of the joke!" insisted Expert Jordan testily. “it won't work. that engine won't. There was going to | be another laugh at the trial squirt “Mr. McBride!" bellowed Capt. Col “torch up that engine !" Mr. McBride obeyed promptly. Capt. Cole, in his panic, had not! | | dismissed once and for all, especially as we now know that the earth passed bodily through the tail of the great comet of 1861 during June of that year.” This calm and serene view of comets has not always prevailed. In past years the appearance Of a comet in any section of the world was invariably looked upon as an omen of bad luck and possible d struction of the earth. The pessi- mistic joy-killers of the world have never overlooked an opportunity to link up any natural catastrophe with the coming or going of a comet. Here is their record of unfortunate oc- currences covering a period from the year A. D. 14 down to the world | war, which they attribute to comets: | A. D. 14—A comet precedéd the death of Augustus, the first Emperor of Rome. Earthquake in Italy. 55—Suicide of Pontius Pilate, the judge who condemned Christ. 68—Halley's comet. Suicide of Nero, persecutor of Christians. Siege of Jerusalem. 73—A comet shone 130 days over Cypress. Earthquake in Cypress, in which 10,000 persons perished. 79—Death of Emperor Vespasian, who began the siege of Jerusalem. The Roman historians Dion Cassius and Suetonius relate that Vespasian, when taken sick, heard his astrol- ogers discussing in a low tome of voice the comet which was then visi- ble, which, they said, predicted his death. The emperor roused angrily and said: “This hairy star is not meant for me. It must be meant for my enemy, the King of the Partn ans, for he is hairy, while I am bald. On the following night Vesparian died in great pain, and the coi.et was seen no more. Shortly after Vespasian's death followed the fierce eruption of Mount Vesuvius, Novem- ber 1, which destroyed the two flour- ishing cities of Herculaneum and Pompeii. 1002—A comet ‘over England and Scandinavia. Massacre of all Danes in England by King Ethelred. 1066—Halley’s comet. It appeared in May at Easter time and shone for forty nights, waxing and waning with the moon. Willlam the Conqueror haled it as an omen of destruction to Harold of England just before the battle of Hastings. 1148-9—Second crusade. Utter de- struction of whole army of French and German crusaders. 1200—Comet recorded by Hal Ben Rodoan. an Arab astronomer, over North Africa. Bloody revolt of Arab warriors in Morocco. mathematics of the United States Naval Observatory, Washington, was asked whether any serious conse- quences were liable to result from the swishing of the Pons-Wennecke’s tall against the bosom of the earth, he laughed heartily and sald: N nothing serious is going to happen. The result of the contact will merely be a spectacular shower of me- teorites in the skies. They wil} travel so swiftly Through space that they will doubtless be entirely burned out before reaching this planet. This vivid meteor shower, as a matter of fact, will be as harm- less as the ‘sparklers’ used by little boys and girls on the Fourth of July This view of Prof. Hall curred in by that eminent English scientist. George F. Chambers, who says: “The idea of any danger hap- pening to our planet, or to any other planet, from the advent of any of these wandering strangers may be is con s o 1212—Lance-shaped comet shining over western KEurope for eighteen nights. The children’s crusade. Thou- sands of German and French boy crusaders perished or were sold into slavery. Bloody invasion of Tartar hordes into Russia and Poland. 1223—Preaching of ffth crusade. Outbreak of “Guelph and Ghibelline” war between Emperor Frederick IT of Germany and Pope Gregory the IX. 1268—Very bright comet observed shining all_ over Europe for three months. Pope Urban 1V died on the night of the comet's disappearance, 1298—Because of the appearance of a comet over middle Germany there were riots in Nurenberg and other neighboring cities, followed by a gen- eral massacre of, the Jews in those citie: ¢ 1300—A brilliant _comet preceded the jubilee of Pope Boniface the VIIL The Pope interpreted the comet ai a happy omen, but because of thi popular dread of the comet there bly good for fires, considered in two ways. The label declared that the grenades were good to use in putting out fires; his experience showed that they were specially good for starting fires. He ran to the engine and threw four of the grenades into the fire- box. = “Run for your lives!” yelled Mr. Jor- dan. “That thing will blow up!" He led the rush from the square! The explosion followed promptly. The blast of it did not service for Toddport: It blew out the main fire. But countless brands were scattered far and wide. They fell on roofs and littered the streets. started everywhere. “And that's what that old tin jing-a- | ing Fotheus | Cole’ onto it has dome for this vil-| bing with the name ‘Capt. lage!" shrieked Foreman Kay from behind a tree. “It wae well named! Somebody ring Me ody bell! Come on. Veteran Invincibles!” Rush out old Vesuvius No. Mr. Roscoe Burg not only trucked and hearsed, but it was understood that his horses were to.draw Vesu- vius in case of a fire. _“We ought to have about ‘leven dozen of these Vesuviuses,” he panted, as he fastened girths. “If they expect me to get around to every place been spattered, they're li'ble to have their expectations stepped on.” However, as it turned out, no house holder in Toddport found any occa- sion for blame or criticism because Mr. Burr and the Invincibles showed partiality or preference. The haste of harnessing had excited Driver Burr's horses. When they the quiet refuge, which sheitered Ve- suvius No. 1, they met something which_excited them still more! Old Dan Wyman had arrived from the Scrubhill district to find out what all the illumination meant. In anti- cipation of his next tri-weekly tri he had rigged a few bells to drag be- hind the beach-wagdn, addition to the regular two hundred. Mr. Burr's horses ran away with much more determination and en- thusiasm than they had shown on a previous occasion. They dumped off Mr. Burr and took Vesuvius No. 1 along with them. “Well, that finishes me! wailed Foreman Kay. He rushed up to Capt. Cole. He shook his hard little fists under the captain’s nose. “I have read about an old devil who fiddled whilst his home town was burning up!_Go get your fiddle, Cap't Roth Cole. You came back here to wreck and ruin us! our fiddle now and enjoy your- * % X X pt. Cole seemed to be singu- in return, BYT larly unabashed. He, shook his fist under Mr. Kay's nose. were riots.and bloodshed in Rome and elsewhere in Italy. The chron- iclers of the times pointed out the sig- nificant fact that shortly after his jubjlee Pope Boniface was made a prisoner by King Philip of Fraunce, causing him to die of rage. 1305—A comet “of horrible aspect™ burning all through passion week pre- ceded the outbreak of the terrible black plague which swept from the orient all over Europe and Asia. 1333—Chinese and Arab astrono- mers record a bright comet ovep China, Turkestan and Persia. Birth of Tam- erlane, the “scourge of the nations, at_Samarkand, in Turkestan. 1347—A comet precedes the “black death,” a terrible pestilence, followed by famine all over the world. One- fourth of all the people of Europe died. Fifteen million deaths in China —twenty-five million in Europe. 1363—A comet of immense size shone for three months over northern Europe. Pestilence and famine in England, Poland and Russia. 1811-12—This huge comet was one of the most famous of modern times. It was first seen in France on March 26, 1811, and was last observed over southern Russia on August 17, 1812— an appearance of seventeen months, the longest on record. For a while it had two tails, then only one. The length of this tail was estimated as 100,000.000 miles. It was called “Na- poleon’s come Under its luster Napoleon gathered his “grand armee,” the greatest army assembled in Europe since Xerxes, d invaded Russia. Wars were fought at the same time in Portugal and Spain, where the British stormed Ciudad Rodrigo and Badajos; and in America, where Harrison's victory over the Indians under Tecumseh at Tippe- canoe, and the seafight between. the President and Little Belt ushered in the war of 1812. In Egypt the comet was taken as an omen of the bloody massacre of the Mamelukes perpe- trated at Cairo. 1821—“Napoleon’s comet,” Seen one night only over France and over St. Helena tbe night before the death of Napoleon at St. Helena. 1835-6—Halley’s comet. Immediate- ly after the comet became generally visible in the old world the bubonic plague, known of old the “black death,” broke out in Egypt. In the city of Alexandria alone 9,000 people died on one day. By the Moslems this calamity was gencrally attributed to the evil influence of the comet. * k¥ % IN America the comet -became visi- ble to the naked eye only late in the year. Then, on its approach to the sun, it was lost to view end passed over to the southern hemi- sphere, where it was next observed by Sir John Herschel in South Africa. Shortly after its brief blaze over North America the great “New York fire” laid waste the entire business section of the biggest city in the new world. All the commercial center of the city, including the richest firms and largest commercial warehouse were laid in ashes. ~The fire rage through days and nights. In all. houses burned down and $18,000.000 of property was consumed. Owing to the intepse cold, the sufferings of the homeless were pitiable. In Florida, at the same time, Os ceola, the chieftain of the Seminole Indiaps, called upon the comet as a signal fox war the whites. 3 Little fires were | where there's a fire, A | Cole were able to get together on a s a fire, the way it has | 0 T | Ject was the sullen Mr. Jordan galloped out of | and on this | visit he brought them with him in| “The heart has all been took out of the Veteran Invincibles,” lamented Foreman Kay. “Day by day_in the past there have been siurs. Now fio get your fiddle!™ He sat down on the platform of Basom's store. “You bet I'll get a fiddler™ roared Capt. Cole. He kicked in the door of Basom's store. He knew the disposition of geods In that store as accurately as Erra Ba- som himself. He came out immediately, carrying a double-barreled. cua In the hook of his arm. . “Aloy, Tnvincibles™ he roared. “All fands on deck! You listen to me! Get your buckets, your pails, your ladders! Get onto these roofs. And the first man who lags back will be encouraged by a charge of bird shot!" A veteran master-mariner (with a shotgun) has—but why enter into de- tail with the obvious?' * * ¢ And all this time obeying orders. Con- stable McBride was sitting on the prostrate form of Expert Jordan At the call of Selectman Cole there was a meeting in Centennial Hall the next forenoon for the purpose of handling the matter of Mr. Jordan. For once Capt. Briggs and Capt ir_full unanimity—the sub- And after Mr. Jordan had been dredged for what money there was on his per- son and had departed there was ex- sellent evidence that there would be a better understanding all round in Toddport. because after Capts. Cole and Briggs had awkwardly shaken | hands over the disposition of Jordan there really wasn't much left to fight about “Fellow-citizens, by the way we fought that fire last night we have showed that we're all members of the fire department and don't need to buy fancy ingines," declared their first selectman, “And we'll spend that tax money in‘other improvements. And to | show that I ain’t trying to run this town all by myself, and to prove that i now feel, after what happened last night, that we're all united, I'll do all {the selectman’'s work, free gratis, for | nothing. and let a general committee, | headed by my friend Capt. Briggs, say how all town money _shall be spent. I've got only one suggestion to make: I'd have a quarantine station at the wharf to kcep out critters who come here to stick their noses into our business, and a quarantine station like that would have been a good thing for me when I arrove here, all het up!” “I'm glad that things didn’t get any more het up last night,” said Foreman Kay, not wholly appeased. “Im paving for all that out of my own pocket.” declared Capt. Rotheus. “It was a peace bonfire—and it's worth all it cost! COMET’S TWO-MILLION-MILE TAIL WILL IN JUNE The Indians called the comet “Big knife in the sky. The war began with a bloody massacre of American soldiers under Gen. Wiley Thompson at Fort King. All were slaughtered. Osceola scalped Gen. Thompson with his own hands. On the same day Maj. Dade of the United States Army, who was leading a relief_expedition into Florida from Tampa bay, was ambushed by the In- dians near Wahoo swamp and massa- cred with his men. Of the whole ex- pedition only four men escaped death. ‘With the passing of the comet to the southern hemisphere bloody wars broke out one after another in Mex- ico, Cuba, Central America, Ecuador, Bolivia, Peru and Argentina. Al those countries were in a welter of blood. . At the@same time the American set- tlers of Texas declared themselves in- dependent and made open war on Mexico. The war began with the battle of Gonzales, in which 500 American frontiersmen fought and defeated over a thousand Mexican sol- diers, This was followed by other fierce fights at Goliad and Bexar. Next came the bloody massaare of the Alamo, when all of Bowie's and Crockett's American followers were killed in an all-night fight. Out of 200 Americans every man fell at his post. This was the deed of blood on which Joaquin Miller wrote his stir- ring “Ballad of the Alamo.” One month before the final disap- pearance of the comet the Texas war came to an end with the bloody bat- tle of San Jacinto, when Sam Hous- ton, with 800 American frontiersmen, defeated 1,500 Mexicans and made a prisoner of President Santa Ana of Mexioo. hen the comet had passe Southern hemisphere “nw“d'::n!:: its brightest in South Africa. The pious Boers of Cape Colony under- 5tood it to be & sign from heaven and forthwith set out on their gerat trek across the Orange and Vaal rivers. Where they founded the Orange Free State and Transvaal Republia. ‘ Thus the comet was the signal for the first blood drawn in the long fight between the British and Boers. 1862—*Second civil war comet. Another comet of very peculiar ap- Dearance, with jets of flame flaring from its head, showed itself during the summer months in North America. The civil war was then at its height | The coming of the comet was taken to herald the bloody battles of Shiloh, Williamsburg, Seven Seven Pines, Cedar Mountain and Antietam, all fought that year after the comet’ disappearance. 1881—Garfleld’s comet. The comet showeq itself for a few nights only in March during the week followirg Pre@ident Garfield's inauguration. It was observed also ‘in Russia. On March 13, Emperor Alexander II of Russia, was assassinated with a bomb. Three months later President ?a.rfleld was® assassinated in Wash- ngton. 1882—Comet of Tel-el-Kebir. A comet with two tails was seen at its brightest over Egypt during the first two weeks of September. Egypt was then in the midst of Arabi Pash: uprising against the British. On September 18, when the comet was last seen, Arabi Pasha was over- thrown by Gen. Wolseley in the bloody battle of Tel-el-Kebir. 1906—San Francisco comet. A comet discovered by Ross on March 17, remaining visibie for one month. Observed from the Lick Observatory in California. On April 17 came the ‘alifornia earthquake and burning of S: 1908—Morehouse's comet. _ Visible for more than a month, during the utumn. In Italy it was interpretea afterward as an omen foreboding thw Messina_earthquake late in the year. 1910—Halley's comet. Great warg praphesied,