Evening Star Newspaper, October 16, 1897, Page 14

Written Exclusively for The Evening Star. ies of gold in the Klondi prominent days ai id finds ef th in Washi: but the gentleman referred to was known country before he died as one wealthiest pension agents and pub- ali over ot the lishers of the present day. “A short time after the captain (I will story) < exeeutors were engaged in making His will had call throughout the die him ‘captain’ ination of his effects. rou may talk about the wonderful dis- awyer to a Star reporter “but one of the richest year occurred right here THE EVENING STAR, SATURDAY, OCTOBER 16, 1897-24 PAGES. SIX THOUSAND DOSEs. The Physician Did Not Know the Strength of the Drug. “It isn’t always safe to base your esti- mates of value on size or quantity,” said a Washington pfiysician to a Star reporter yesterday. “I was convinced of that when I was the resident physician at one of the largest hospitals in town and was younger than I am now. On one occasion the senior attending physician came to me and said that he wished I would secure a certain drug which he said was then being used with remarkable success in some of the Pfincipal hospitals in Europe. I asked him how much I should get, as it was some- thing I had never heard of before. “Oh, just get a little; it’s very powerful; pe cunce or two would be enough, I should think." “Well, I telepnoned to a wholesale drug- gist and gave an order for an ounce. A ccuple of days afterward the druggist sent me word that there wasn’t as much as an ounce of the drug in the whole United States, so 1 toid him to get me all he could. During the course of the week he sent me three or four drams. The stuff had a name in inverse ratio to the quantity, a half dezen chemical phrases linked to- gether with hyphens, but in direct ratio to its strength. I remember the little phial cost an even $29, and when I came to in- vestigate I found that a dose was such a small fraction of a grain that I had just 6,000 doses on hand. That bottle stared me in the face as long as I remained at the hospital until it came to be a veritable nightmare. When I left I think there were still 5,986 doses on hand, and I shouldn't wonder if that supply is sufficient to last through the next century.” fees over most of the other remedies in that it is a food as well. I don’t know that any particular quantity is necessary, my tule being to let the child drink as much as it desires. The child should get it at least twice a day, morning and evening.” * KK KK “Of all the peculiar combinations I ever heard of, or read of, there is one in Balti- mere that I think surpasses any,” said the foreman of one of the rooms in the gov- ernment printing office to a Star reporter. “The location is on East Baltimore street and I went over there to see it after hear- ing some of our men speak of it. On the corner of the street is a drug store, next is a doctor’s office. Two doors distant is an undertaker’s place of business and the third heuse away is a livery stable which makes a Specialty in supplying funerals with heurses and carriages. Adjoining the stable is a dissecting room, the property of one of the medical colleges. A half block away is an abandoned church yard, with some of the grave stones still in sight. Should the doctor and druggist start the proces- sion, a victim would have easy sailing the rest of the way.” ke KOK * “Postage stamps,” said an enthusiastic collecter, who prides himself on having a collection of stamps which has cost him n carefully drawn and all of his real | over $1,000 in money besides five years of a Sa ee and personal property pposed to be | constant effort in the way of purchase, col- YOUTHFUL EXEGETE. stributed among his relatives and friends, | lection and exchange, “get their value Hii se t * is Interpretat: erding to his last wishes. One day in| from a number of circumstances, but ion of the Scriptures clearing out the safe still bears the captain's Bame an oid chest Was discovered in one of the dark corners of the vault had been there for years, and was plates and drawings of war pictures, in connection with a book of war The executors bad pi without examining it. of course, that it plates and draw, marking on the outsid engaged in the work to take loos: his gaze that fairly took his There, pictures supposed to use and at the bottom of the che: Se ere ination, from $1 to $20. a ke pile of treas fully serutinized, but ative to the unlooke: Various theories were in the building which contain only some ories. ed the old chest by s, Supposing, tained nothing but the as indicated by the One of the clerks sity enough When the a sight met breath away. nestling among the sheets of war were gold pieces of every denom- The discovery was Se unexpected that the executors were at ccount for the ne latest will was care- nothing in it could Was Not Orthodox. Strange are the workings of the infant mind. The little son of a well-known naval officer stationed here has advanced a new version of an old text. The wife's mother, who makes her home with her daughter, is of the old school, a dear creature, with puffs and caps, who reads her Bible from preference. It is a custom for her to teach her little grandson every day a verse from the Bible, and on Saturday of last week the verse selected was: “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.” - The child had unusual difficulty in com- mitting the verse, but, once mastered, it must have settled deep into the very largest brain cell possessed by the little fellow. Sunday morning the youngster came, fresh, white and starched, from his nurse’s hands, and was deposited on the front porch until the family assembled for churck. Emerging at the last moment, the mother was horrified at the sight of her small offspring seated. upon the terrace, digging with all his might into the moist usually because they are scarce, but few having been printed or because nearly all were used and destroyed. Several of our own stamps have got great value because there were errors made in issuing them; 1 | that is, errors in engraving them. In other words, because they are imperfect. Of course, as soon as the government discov- ered they were imperfect corrections were made, and as far as possible the imperfect stamps were called in where they could be got and destroyed. The imperfect ones are held as great prizes by collecto | Some of the biggest stamp concerns have been established in Hong Kong, China, and . | by advertising themselves in stamp collec- tors’ circles they have worked up a large business. “The heathen Chinee has set himself up in nearly every part of the world. In many parts he figures in the laundry busines: and this appears to be his principal pur- suit in the eastern part of the United States. In the extreme west he is a com- petitor as a barber, farm hand and as a mechanfe. One cf the well-known things about a Chinaman is the fact that he regularly sends his address back to China. In this way the stamp collection concerns . ; ground. n the accumulation of coin, and it ch him, and they give him a commission | *"SBany, bab: come here this minute! was finally concluded that the captain had | 6m any rare stamps he may be able to se- | peE2 Seater sites ABUBREV toh ping oa followed the example of other cautious | cure. The Chinaman Says nothing, but capitalists during la ury gold reserve, and hoarded the amount found in the chest. The coin looked as though it might have been dropped into the chest carelessly, for the various de- nominations and dates were in happy con- fusion. The executors were unable to ac- count fer the omission of the gold pile in the will, for although the captain was a great spender, he usually kept a clear ac- count of his Securities. It is possible that he may have been quietly engaged in hoarding gold pieces for a number of years prior to his death, and when his fatal ill- ave forgotten the est containing the the gold was ed up as a very hess came oa he m: gold lining to the old war pictures. Of cours carefully counted and ent desirable part of the estate. ee & ee ‘Housekeeping in the State, War vy Dep: N. eleanest-kept public building in the world had until one goes through it. our busy season, for the building is being put in shape for the winter. To start out there are exactly eighteen hundre eight windows to be kept c m itself is a very important un Then there are over five h iransoms to be kept clean. As if thi ing encugh, there are one hundred thousend five red and yards of corridor floors to uter part is scrubbed eve day in the year, each scrubber or st raid on the treas- and tment building is a very. exten- sive matter,” said an official of the building to a Star reporter, “for it is probably the | . | ferent from this country, for military offi- ‘The slightest idea of its extent cannot be Just now is Sunday, and get yourself all dirt?’ cried the mother. The little fellow looked up with a puz- zied air, and made answer: “Why, muvver dear, I is digging holes for Sunday.” “Digging holes for Sunday? What non- sense! You bad, bad little son,” returned the mother, none too gently, trying to res- cue the once immaculate suit. “Now, muvver, dear, I did learn ve verse from grandma, and it was ‘Remember ve Sabbath day to keep it holy,’ and I is only digging ve holes for Sunday to make it holy, and I isn't a bad ‘ittle son at all.” There was a suspicious trembling about the mouth, but it is needless to relate that the little philosopher was caught in his mother’s arms and kissed before the cry developed, and that he was given two plates of ice cream for his Sunday dinner, all because of his original theory. MAY HAVE MEANT WELL. freezes very hard to any stamp that he has been told has value. Having such an enormously large force of collectors in con- trol, scattered as they are all over the world, it is easy to see how the Chinese concerns have an advantage in the collec- tion of stamps. Resides being industrious, every Chinaman is educated, because com- pulsory education is a part of their. law. Of course, stamp collectors can get the benefit of their labor, but they have to pay for it. Two of the big Chinese concerns have branch establishments in Paris and London.” 3 xk kK x ‘The private soldier is seldom seen in any of the léading thoroughfares of the streets of the large German cities,” observed a re- cently returned military gentleman, to a Star reporter, “not, however, because he would not like to be seen there, but because it is quite a job for him should he show up in a crowded street. In Europe it 1s dif- But Her Efforts Did Not Mect With Much Success. It takes fully six months for a story ike the following to become public property. Last season a Washington woman, pos- sessing both social and charitable ambi- tiens, elected to give a reception. The af- fair was to be very exclusive. Judge of the surprise when a bundle of invitations was left at the door of a hospital in town upon whose board of managers Mrs. Z. serves. The invitations were found to be addressed to the trained nurses of the in- stitution, and great was the wonder that cers have to wear their uniforms constant- ly. Indeed, many of them have no other clothing, and no use for them if they had. In this country, it is extremely rare to see officer in uniform, and never uniess he is going to or returning from some tunc- | tion where uniform is necessary, and which, as T say, is very, very rare. There are in all of the large cities and towns of Ger- ; Many hundreds and hundreds of office: It is an imperative duty of the soldier to formally salute them every time one passes, even if the same officer passes him five or ten times in an hour. The private soldier generally takes a side street, so as to avoid man having fourteen hundred squa: eee the professioral ranks had been invaded to serub every day. Maybe these 5 minntes joucers, for saluting every five | for society recruits. n a OE tbe fetreierialt yO De trea He Clie ae eo eetiels | Jas fawelanyalletanaed: ancient a paid a the work. To it another way. there are | Which would be the case should he travel init loi tlioy noanital ita kineeneeee belted corridor, twelve feet | 1% the principal streets, gets to be tiresome | Visit to the hospital. Making herself ex- wide. to scrub every day, or the distance | 2fter it is observed for three or four hours. | tremely agreeable, she remarked to the from the Treasury Dep | The soldier is nearly always loyal, and | nurses: Sich iad cetucie.: Whe: csectio takes a pride in saluting his superior offi- | “Well, girls, I hope you received cards to Tate: tiles: duckie te cee a cers. but there is often too much of a zood | my reception?” taut ta econ thexicon tate thing in military life, as there is in other | Smiles and acknowledgments answered in at aide, aos eens ion malks of life. Even in the side streets he | the affirmative, and Mrs. Z. went oo come ae cae ae teeta has considerable saluting to do, but nothing | placently: Giese tit on it lan to. be is | in comparison to what he would have to do | “Indeed, I was only too glad to remem- phat anita foe. Thiel ade canes should he venture on the largely traveled | ber you all. 1 appreciate how mack monk Ss to be given the fifty-six toile: | Streets. The officers are very particular in | and how little play you girls have, and I - ‘Then the walls and all the wood- | !nsisting on salutes, and should a soldier | thought you would enjoy a linac glimpse work has to be looked after, which Is a | @ttempt to pass them without doing milt- | of society fan considerable item, as there are over one | [ary honors, on the excuse that he did not | “No dovbt of it, Mrs. Z.,” one of the thousand doors in the consideration. Car- | See the officer, the result would be some- | nurses spoke up, “but neneot unre likely pet enough to cover an ordinary village is | What serious to him. to have gowns suitable to wear at such 4 i. Try and imagine, if you can, the Sees ee functio1 that twenty thousand yards of car- ONE OF THE SMART KIND.” “Oh, that reed not trouble you in the pet will cover, for that is about“the num- least,” returned the smiling Mrs. Z. ‘Now, ber of yards in use today or being put | A Young Bridegroom Who Makes an | my idea is this. Of course, I understand This twenty thousand y of car- Expensive Guy of Himself. you have no evening gowns, and that you to be gone over frequently and re- 5 | know very few society people, but these 1 or replaced when needed. The en- | _ A lot of traveling salesmen. spending Sun- | facts must not Interfere Die your getting tire amount is taken up in the spring, by | @@¥ in Washington, were doing what drum- | q peep at my guests and eating some of contract, cleaned. and properly packed away | mers at rest always do, when one, who was |_my supper. I thought the whole thine until the fall, when It ts laid, also by con- | very fresh and aggressively knowing, got | would be simplified if you all came in your tract.” up and left the hotel office. pretty aoe oe cape and eas +e &¢ Ft “I never liked that fellow, said one of | Your Stations in the dressing rooms. ou “The librarians, public and private, here| te two remaining, “and I don’t like his ene one are er es = 2 i. wn found out that there ts a Klondike region.” | kina. It is that sort that gave traveling | 2°". good advantage, and—" But such Soluntcered 2 well-known Ubrarian to | men the reputation they have, and I'd like |a chorus of indignant’ exclamation, rent Star reporter, “even if they have not had|to see the last one of them fired out of | the air at that juncture that Mrs. Z's sens time to read about it in the newspapers. | their positicns and decent men put in.” tence was never completed. Sin summer there to Alaska in the remotest degr: mining in every branch. t unless the works were well illustrate then it was the pictures which and other countries. fer Klondike literature w Wild to get a look at anything that even incidentally touched on the subject. The census reports of 1S on Alaska, which were a drug on the first news from the Kiondike last has been a tremendous de- mand for anything and everything relating and to Ordinarily, litera- on Alaska has been seldom called for . and gave the work any value, rather than what was giv- en in the book in the way of information. First the demand came for the official re- ports, those made by this country, Canada After that the seekers The sccial veneering must be thickly coated on Mrs. Z., for to this day she does not seem to understand why the nurses meet her advances with frigid indifference, and why her visits to the hospital are no longer pleasant. —__.—_—_ SHE THOUGHT IT A LARK. “Which reminds me,” said the other, “of the very freshest chap of all I ever saw. He had a little money of his own and he lived in a country town in Indiana, and traveled around the state for the only wholesale store in the place. He kept his Job because he had money in the concern and because he did have some ability as a salesman, though he was insufferably con- ceited. I used to be thrown with him oc- cassionally and I never went to a hotel with him that he didn’t always ask for the best room in the house. Well, after awhile he got married, a couple of years ago that was, and he made his first trip to New York accompanied by his bride, who was nearly as big a fool as he was.| The Wal- dorf was the only place in New York good But She Changed Her Mind Before She Got Through. A young girl living in the West End had @ peculiar experience a few nights ago, and the fact was communicated to a Star ré- porter by a younger brother, who told it as a good joke on his sister. The young girl's people have net yet re- the library market, are now the most called | enough for them, and do you know what | turned to their city residence, but she came = —, —_ few that Ley oe abe for| the yap did when they got there?” to town with her father one morning last public tribution were gobbled up faster] “I can guess,” smiled the listener. di tle shi . e than hot cakes were ever seized. Congress-| “That's just what he did. se Cornea nenimoarly) men who have public documents for distri- He lined up slongsije the counter of that elegant place | time to take the evening train back to the bution were cleaned out of Alaskan litera-| as if it were the Hotel de Hoss in Sque. | Country the girl received a note from her ture weeks ago and are now unable to find| dunk, and with a wave of his hand—that | father, saying unexpected business woula Trl con amen, *atisty the demands of | same old wave I remember so well: ‘By | keep him in town over night, and advising thelr Constituents. It has been usually sup-| Jinks,” he sald to the clerk; ‘gimme the | ner not to make the trip alone. There was pose] that the people of the western, and | best room you got in the house.” And the 2 Particularly the Pacific states, were the | clerk did, but after letting the young fel- | One Servant in the clty house, and rooms willest on these Klondike discoveries, but our experience is they are not in it with New York and Bos- disease worse than The Pacific coast- ers know about mining by experience and m’t hanker after book information the depend entirely on books. Just now the greatest demand seems to be not on mining, but for information as to the navigability of the rivers and streams of Alaska, and specially those in the Klon- eas probably of going there in the spring. The government can- not have any iate official reports ready for circulation until about May next; for those who have been sent there for the purpose of investigation and report will not be able xt. n the Alaska-mad people will have to content themselves, for as far as I can Jearn the Canadian government is not mak- {mg any great effort to furnish official in- the people of the east. ton people have the those of any other city. they on the subject. On eastern man has to the other hand, dike region, with to ge their reports here before April Until format see ee “There Is considerable whooping cough old prevalent nowadays,” remarked an lady, a resident of West Virginia, to Star reporter, “and there are a number of cures, ali of them of some vaiue no doubt. But the simplest remedy that I know of is warm milk just as it comes from the I was raised in the country, where cow. the remedy was easy to get. There are member of cows kept in the city and it not very dificult to get warm milk if the Warm milk is an almost certain cure and {t has the advan- Proper effort is made. low spread himself on it for a minute or two he told him the best would cost him $200 a day, and for once in his life Freshy had to acknowledge that he had bit off more than he could chew.” = ——_. The Reason From Harper's Bazar. were prepared for the father and daughter. An admiring youth, learning the young lady would spend the evening in town, pre- vailed upon her to attend the opera’ with him. She thought it would be a lark, and, arming herself with a latch key, set forth to enjoy herself, without saying a word to the servant or her father. The evening was a success, and all went well until the admiring youth took the latch key, and, with true gallantry, essayed to open the front door upon their return. Now, just below the lock there yawned a huge key- hole of ancient date and no longer in use. In the darkness the youth thrust the key into the first available opening, which, of course, was the large keyhole; and lo! the key escaped his grasp and went flying through, dropping with a tantalizing ring upon the floor inside. Then followed a fugue upon the door bell, lasting for quite half an hour, but the one servant slept on in the third-story rear room. It was a ter- rible predicament for a young girl not yet “in society,” and she and her escort were anything but calm. Basement windows were tried and knobs were rattled, but all in vain. Then the youth took off his coat, scaled the side entrance wall, and jumped into the yard beyond, expecting en- -tarily to run afoul a burglar alarm. After repeated instructions given through the entry gate the youth began to shy pebbles at the servant's window in the rear. It was ni an hour—it seemed longer to Customer—“Are my clothes ready?” the pair of unfortunates—before his efforts a] Tatlor—“Not yet, sir.” met with success, and the repentant maid- is | Customer—‘‘But you said you would have|en was safely housed. The them done {f you worked all night.” Bare ape but I didn’t work ete iep eatnmat fe man w! his future selection of a theater companion, THE OPERATOR'S STORY “On the ight of the occurrence,” said the telegraph Operatgr who had been requested to tell the story; “I had been reading one of those newspaper yarfis which narrate in lurid language the trying experience of some poor cuss who Is buried iff the ruins or in prison or some other impossible situa- tion and who saves himself by ticking a message on the wall or on a gaspipe or any old way thé leads out to daylight and free- dom, andijmy find was considerably wrought up, for the story was strong and very well told. It was about midnight when I finished it, and I at once began to get ready for bed, thinking meanwhile what I would do-if caught in such a box. As I was knocking around the room undressing, my attention was suddenly called to a queer knocking that didn’t seem to be lo- cated anywhere at first, but shortly 1 thought it was from the gaspipe and 1 went over and listened. I was right in my guess, and in a second more I detected a message in the peculiar ticking. ‘Help! help! it sald; ‘come quick, whoever you are.’ “There wasn’t any going back on a warn- ing like that, and forgetting in the ex- cltement of the moment that I was about to become a character in the very kind of a story I had been reading, and, I may say, doubting, I broke in on the gaspipe with a metal back hairbrush for a sounder and asked the party for particulars. Imme- diately there came to me briefly the infor- mation that the sender was held a prisoner at No. 27 Verona place, not far from my flat, by some persons who would not stop at any crime to accomplish the!r purpose. In fact, they had informed the sender that if certain moneys were not forthcoming by noon the next day the sender would never be forthcoming again, or words to that ef- fect. Also, in the name of heaven I was begged to come at once with a strong force of police to the number given, as the per- sons were desperate characters. “Ticking back word that I would go at once to the rescue, and telling the prisoner to keep up courage, I went for the police telegraph operator and an officer to verify. what I had heard, and having done this to the satisfaction of everybody, a party of five of us went in a hurry to No. 27. Plac- ing the police front and back of the house, which showed faintly a light from the third-story windows, I went with the lieu- tenant of the squad to the door and rang the bell. It was evident the house was not asleep, for in a minute or two footsteps were heard hurrying along the halls and up and down stairs, and then, after a mo- ment’s stillness, the front door was cau- tiously opered and inquiry made as to what was wanted. In an instant the lieu- tenant had thrust his knee in the crack of the door and before the man inside knew what had happened we were in the hall and the officer had him by the neck. “A minute later a friend of mine, living on the floor above in the same flat with me, rose from a corner and gave me a huge laugh, and then the whole house came down, and kept coming until the officer threatened to arrest the entire business for disorderly conduct. Quiet was restored on this threat, and the crewd informed me that the thrilling message had been sent to me from the room above my own by the occupant thereof, who had skipped and got around to 27 as soon as he could when he saw what ‘a success his scheme was Ukely to be. The gang was waiting for me, and when we got into the house, of course, I was given a reception worthy of the occasion. It also cost me the drinks, numerous, ahd rHany good cigars for ali the people “concerned in it, though the Meutenant assure@ me that he would ar- rest the entire lot for obtaining drinks un- der false pretenses if I said so.” fae QUITE A LARGE SNAKE. It Came Out of a Jug, an Many Others ‘+ Have Done. “When Iwasa youngster,” said the Kertucky colonel; to a group of admiring friends, “‘ I Mved down in the neighborhood of Tar Spring, which isn’t more than a day’s journey from Cloverport, a pleasant hamlet of some-importance in that neck of the woods. I was at the period of my story about fifteen years old, and I guess a shade stupid, or so my father and teacher used to inform me four or five times a week. The section of country roundabout Tar Spring and Cloverport was noted for the size and number of its snakes, and there was one patriarch everybody had heard about, that was reputed to be eight inches in diameter and forty feet long in the shortest place. I was always afraid of this one, and many’s the time I have come home from mill lickety split for f. that blamed serpent would ‘quile’ around me. “One day I had been down the road about.a mile or so to a store to get a jug of molasses, and as there wouldn't be any till next day I went back home taking it easy jogging along. After a bit the jug got cranky, and to make things easier I hitched a string to the jug handle and slung it overboard. Then it dragged along in the dusty road, and I never thought anything about it till I turned out of the read to take a short cut across the fields heme. Then E noticed the track of the jug, and it looked so much like the track of that old daddy snake that it scared me. But not to hurt, and right away I made up my mind to have some fun with the neighbors. I didn’t do a thing, but make that track look like it came out of the cliffs down the road a quarter of a mile and where the big snake was supposed to be, tnd then I took it through a crack in the fence, making marks with the jug as though Mr. Snake had all he could do to get through. It Icoked too good to be true, and I was half scared to death for fear somebody would catch me at it; but nobody did, and I went home as innocent as alamb. This happened about 3 o'clock in the afternoon, and the first report got to our house at half-past 4. By half- past 5 the neighborhood had been over to consult with father, and by 6 o'clock peo- ple had begun to come out from town to see and to offer explanations and tell snake yarns. As for me, I haa got scared at the size of my joke on the county, and put in all my extra time wondering what kind of a licking I would get when my father had learned the facts in the case. “Well, the excitement continued for a week, the local papers whooping it up and a city paper sending a reporter to get the straight of it, but they never did, and you bet I wasn’t doing a thing but praying for strength to keep my own counsel till the storm blew over. Which it did after a while, and a year or so later I told my mother about it, and she gently broke the news to her husband. It was all right then, but I don’t think I have ever been very popular in that community since, and even to this day some of those old snake — hate to see me come back, even on a visit.”” ——.__ A. Friendly Sound. “For several yéars,” sald a commercial traveler to a Star reporter yesterday, “I had never been :away from home over n‘ght, when I got my present position, and was compelled to travel about a great deal. At first I found it extremely difficult to gO to sleep nights. - — stopped at the best ho- tels and usually had. fine rooms and good beds; but there :seemed to be something the matter, I couldn't tell exactly what, and I found it.wery hard to get a fair night’s sleep. . “One day,;.I mentioned the fact to a friend, who paid; ;‘Get a clock.” I always have a clock in my room at home, and I am accustt te the sound of its ticking. It is curious how silent and strange a room may seem without it. That was what I wanted, a ee and I bought one. Now, when I go to By room in a hotel usually the first thing I do is to put my clock on the mantelpiece or table. It ticks away bravely, a friendly and familiar sound, and I ge to sleep without any trouble what- rd CAUSE FOR REFORM. Experience of a Clubman Who Lied to His Wife. “T'll never try to fool my wife by telling her that I have been sitting up with a sick friend, when I want to stay out late at night again,” said a gentleman from the metropolis at one of the uptown hotels, to a Star reporter recently. “I got cured of that, most effectually,” he continued, ‘“‘and it all came out In such a natural manner that I look back at it and think it is a sort of dispensation of Providence to keep me home at night. I ought to have been ashamed of myself for doing such a thing, as we had not been married very long. As a matter of fact, however, I had been something of a rounder before my marriage. I was intro- Guced one nigat into a social club on the west side. No matter what the name of it was, you can call it the Bachelors’ Club, for nobody but that unfortunate class should have belonged to it. I am some- thing of a sleight-of-hand performer and made myself so agreeable that night that I was given a ticket of membership for thirty days. “Rather late we got into a game of poker, which I found so fascinating I stayed in it until the early morning hours. I framed a number of excuses when I got home to give my wife for being out so late. Some of them were very plausible. BY PHILANDE * JOHNSON? Written Exclasively for The Evening Star. Gen. Weyler to Gen. Blanco, Gh, where is the grief that can equal The one which, when fortune goes wrong, Brings utter disgrace as the sequel Of hopes that were cherished so long. My weapom best-loved I surrender, Though. my eyes smart with sorrow’s fierce brine; When I saw her, however, I got slightly My dusty, rattled and sprung the same old chestnut ° on her of ‘Sitting up with a sick friend.’ My rusty, I had heard, by the way, that this friend Yet steel-ribbed and lusty; whom I mentioned, and whom my wife My trusty typewriter is thine. knew, whose name was or was not Mr. Sportiboy, was really sick. The world seemed o’ercast with new “The next night, in spite of the opposition glamor, of my conscience, I drifted around to the club again, and almost unconsciously sat down to a little round table with four others and again succumbed to the ap- propriately named ‘draw’ poker. The thing continued for several nights, I telling my wife when I went home that poor Mr. Sportiboy was very sick indeed. She seemed to believe me, although I felt like sheep-killing dog. “After about a week of this had passed, at the breakfast table one morning, my wife, who was reading a paper, gave a sud- den exclamation, dropped the paper, pushed the chair back from the table and looked at me with an expression of horror on her countenane ““*Wh-a-hat’s the matter, darling,’ I asked, in consternation, ‘are you ill? Her face was pale, and I noticed that she seemed to be much agitated. She rose and started out the door. Not knowing what was the matter I rose and followed her. She turned on me tragically, saying: -‘Don’t come near me; don’t touch me! To think that you have been visiting that sick man who had the scarlet fever and then could have the audacity to come home and associate with me. I am surprised that you thought more of him than you do of your wife or your- self, by exposing both of us to such a horri- bly malignant disease.’ And she swept out of the room. “Here I was in a pickle. I hardly knew what to make of it. I finally got hold of the paper she was reading, having some suspicion of what was the matter, and looked in the death notices. Among them I read with raising hair that Mr. Willie B. Sportiboy had died the day before of scarlet fever. To say that I felt shocked was put- ting it mildly. I was shocked at his death, and also at the manner in which I had been exposed, literally speaking, as far as my truthfulness was concerned, and the- oretically to the scarlet fever. “When I went to find my wife I dis- covered a hastily written note, in which she said she had gone home. “I knew it was no use to follow her, re- membering her terrible fear of all such diseases as scarlet fever, and I knew if I wrote her she would not open the letter, owing to the same fear of @ontagion. I thought awhile, and finally did the only thing I knew would bring her back. I visited a lady. who knew us both well, made a clean breast of the matter, and sent her to my wife’s home, as an inter- mediary. “I fixed the matter up all right finally. She had been teasing me to bring her a certain piece of jewelry, to which she had taken a fancy. It took all of my poker winnings and more to pay for it, but I was Satisfied. “That was the last time I ever lied to my wife. I tell you, honesty is not only the best policy, but the best policeman, where your hetter-half is concerned. If I have Occasion to stay out late, now, I come up like a man and tell why it hapnened.” pean Sea THE PREACHER’S SALARY. As I sat in my busier days, Compelling my goodé arm to hammer The keys in my personal praise. Regard it with sentiments tender, And forgive this emotion of mine; My dusty, My rusty, Yet steel-ribbed and lusty; My trusty typewriter is thine. * * * An Apt Pupil. A Washington man connected with the publishing business is joke and has likewise @ constant and un- changeable ambition to “show off” in the presence of his wife. Recently he was at a gathering of men where a well-known j/ vorite kind of humor was employed to ald in the merry-making. The next morning at breakfast he said SSS —)) . | very gravely: xe TAR “Susan, it has been a long time since I gave you anything as a token cf my affectionate esteem.” “I need a winter wrap,” she suggested gently. “We will think of that later. What you now is a diamond ring. she exclaime1. he answered, as he dived into his pocket. “Here isa dime and here (touching the servant’s bell) is the ring. There you have a dime and ring.” Then he said “‘Ha-ha!” at the top of his voice many times. He was rather tired when he got home that evening. ; “Is there any dessert?” he inquired after he had eaten all that had been placed be- fore him “Yes,” she answered. “It is something that I am sure you ought to appreciate. I went out and had it especially prepared for you.” She took from the sideboard and placed before him a small card, upon which was printed, “MCINE.” “What's this?’ he inquired, as he held it off_and stared at it. “That,” she replied sweetly, “is mince pi” * * * Excessive Precision. . Accuracy is a most desirable thing on ordinary octasions, but there are times when it palls. It fs soothing to hear the English language spoken with the easy confidence and unerring grammar which betoken intelligence and good breeding, and especially so when it is uttered in public piaces by uniformed persons from whom yeu ordinarily hear such remarks as “Hi! “Get a move on yer” and “Can't you look where yer goin’?” A middle-aged man who had made his way through the mob of depot employes An Evangelist Mnkes a Contract Which Pays Him Very Well. In certain sections of the United States, notably in those where the religious ex- pression is the strongest and the congre- gations the poorest, and these characteris- ties are always combined, there is an ever- present conflict as to what the preacher ovght to have and what he is going to get, and it was on this subject a visiting preacher talked the other Sunday at dinner with a reporter. “At one of my appcintments where I had been called,” he was saying, “to conduct a revival I heard a couple of the members talking, though they did not think I was near enough to heer. “I wonder what that fellow expects to get? said one. “*All he can raise, of cours happy to find the conductor on the sleep- ing car a young man with a gentle voice and a deliberate and refined manner. He was more than gratified when he saw him, later on the journey, take a copy of one of the Latin classics from his pocket and begin to read. His pleasure at the spec- tacle made him almost forget that in his haste to catch the train he had neglected to eat any lunch. Approaching the con- ductor, he endeavored to mingle knowl- edge-getting with agreeable intercours “Have you been on this road long inquired. “Ni the conductor answered, without looking up. “This is my first week.” “Do you like the work?” “All labor is distasteful. But I endeavor not to allow my mind to dwell on the irk- some phases of my duty.” The conductor had not taken his eyes from the book, and his questioner aban- doned all idea of sociability and proceeded with the matter that was nearest his heart. ““Will you tell me,” he asked, ‘when and for how long this train stops for dinner?” “Not at all.” “Are you sure of that?” came the inquiry in tones of protesting anguish. . “Yes,” the gentle-voiced conductor re- plied, as he leisurely turned a leaf. “I am quite sure. The train does not eat.” * xk The Bulbul of Pohick. “It is a great mistake,” writes the Bulbul of Pohick, “to think that portry cannot be made up on almost any old thing that hap- pens to strike to an author's mind. As a matter of fact that is, in my opinion, the way that some of the most widely adver- tised and generally consumed portry is wrote nowadays. There are four subjects that no one who has the gift of song ne- glects, and they are “Spring,” “Summer,” he said the ‘He wears good clothes, and they’ve got to be paid for.” < ““Yes, and I reckon we might as well make up our minds to pay for ‘em.’ “The conversation was becoming per- sonal, and before it got too much so and I would be placed where it would be de- cidedly embarrassing. I broke in: “ ‘Now, look here, brethren,’ said I, ‘you don’t have to worry about what you are going to pay me. You don’t have to pay ™e a cent unless you want to, and I am net here to get money for my work. Still, I have to live, and I'll agree to this—every time you get a lick in my sermons while I am here you just pay mea nickel, and if I don’t hit you at all it won't cost you a cent. Now, is that fair? Is it a bar- gain?” “They agreed to it with great unanimity, and I went ahead with my preaching, doing the best I knew how and praying for strength to tell the truth to the people and to help them to be better men and women, and I kept it up for a week and was ready to start in on the second week, when one of my men came to me behind the little log Meeting house where I was reading my Bible. “So you're going to preach another week” he said anxiously. “ *Yes,” said I. “Well, for the Lord’s sake, Brother Hud- son,’ he sald in the most pleading tones, ‘I wish you'd quit and go home. - You've hit me so many licks already that I'll have. to sell the only pair of mules I’ve got and @ yoke of yearlin’ cattle to pay you what I owe you already, and if you stay another week I'll have to give up the farm and put a chattel mortgage on the old woman ard the children.’ “Of course,” laughed the preacher, “it wasn’t quite as bad as he made it appenr. but I had made a good friend of hira, and he not only paid his share willingly, but insisted on my coming again and staying twice as long. been very busy housecleaning, the time to do my duty by the public and call attention to the fact that it is now fall. My latest piece of portry is entitled: “WHY IS MY HEART SO SAD AND UN- EASY?” Oh, autumn is here And things seem drear, did fear year. But S»ptember, lke clockwork, Are appearing in way. That the above is a joke cannot be denied, ber and November, I am happy to say, eir usual autumn-atic —_+_— Malnga Grapes. “The Malaga grape is in market,” said a wholesalc fruit dealer to a Star reporter yesterday. “It is large, crisp and delicious, and has become a special favorite in this that, if I tried. humorous, ‘ very numerovs? Upon “Melancholy Days wrote a country since the winter of 1889, when | Ana there is ne exca} ping the fact that these physicians throughout the United States are them. prescribed it as the best thing that could be eaten by sufferers from the grip. The consumption of the fruit in America has increased 100 per cent in the last ten years. But supplies are limited. ete “From a small province only of Malaga are the grapes shipped. They are of such @ tender-nature that they can be. shipped only in September, when the fruit is frst ripe, and a few thousand barrels is the Umit of American shipments. Spain, how- ever, sends to this country large quantities of grapes which are called Malagas. The Spanish fruit is white in color and has When you pay out your money for wood and coal; When you go to the store and vainly seek to aoa oe wee Your refrigerator for a good reliable range. Since you have come, oh, melancholy We bards or bardessss, as the case may be, must change our lays. Instead of singing about the violet and the _ daisy and the rose, ‘We must sing about withered, drifting leaves and things like those. There are some people who pretend to be gay, astol tenacity of life. The grapes | Because the leaves are turning to gold in begin to ripen about the middle of August this sudden way. . harvested by October 1. ee = spent And, anyhow, free silver is sentiment. There is ancther sadness connected with - autumn to which I musf refer: Oh, gentle reader, that is the time when so many elections do occur, Fenn the aiess pent There ate candidates who get dropped way housckecpere irritate their nerves Trying to see who can put up the most fond of a practical | who use this style of a vocabulary was | labels on the jars, and hear them say They are so busy they will have to eat down town today. Ah, when there is so much reason t That husbands are getting scarcer y: year, it giver to me an indignant spasm To see how they are treated by them that has ‘em! * -_* A SU Breeze, They were a party. of office seekers, and bed very little to occupy their time ex- cepting to tell stories, A friendly rival had sprung up, and some of the imagin tive productions which resulted wei lcssal and unique. A tale of shipwr hed just been concluded, and the si that followed showed that its narrator had discouraged the others. A slim, quict m who had thus far figured only as an tentive listener, coughed timidiy and said: “That was a pretty stiff breeze you were telling about just now in your shipwreck story “I guess it was about the that ever b replied the raconteur, who was leaning back in his chair with the air of a conquering hero. stiffest bre “Oh, no. I don’t like to contradict any- body, but that wasn't the stiffest breeze that ever 1 by a great deal” “I'd like Some one who ever saw t it.” m the man you are looking for. farming in Kan) a number ¢ years ago— “Hold on, interrupted the man who had reputation to susta) “the Kansas clone is barred. I s 1 clearly that th wind which drove us ashore was wor than any whirlwind that could possibly happen.” “Wait till you hear about it. I am pre- pared to admit that a cyclone in its nat- ural state may have seemed like a sigh of contentment compared with your hur- ricane. But I don’t believe that you have taken into account all the things that can happen in the way of cyclonic variation: Mind you, I am not talking about h: blows. I am talking about stiff breezes My farm was right on the edge of a small town where a number of facto had by started I had just sat down to din when one of the hired men came running into the house to tell me about an immense funnel-shaped cloud that was looming up in the distance. It w pming our way. I | stecd in fascination and listened to the whirring sound it made. erybody else | had made for the cyclone cellar, but I was | so discouraged at the thought of | results of my years of labor in cultivating | the farm that I didn’t budg I braced myself for the shock, feeling convinced ing the that there was only a minute between me and a mix-up that would land me in eternity.’ “Of course,” said the first speaker, with a sneer which fully recognized the slim man as a rival, “I know the rest of the The cyclone picked you up as tenderly if you were a babe and gent you in the next county. The ¢ @id to you was to move the 5 hair from the middle to the sid ray not be the ex: ry like it.” was the quietly confident rejoinder, “the cyclone never touched me. A serics of the most remarkable incidents occurred, each in the nick of time. When it got to the town it struck a row of starch fz tories, It was full of rain, and I could se that the immense cloud of starch it ab- sorbed staggered It. On the instant the sun blazed out from behind a cloud and stif- fened the whole mass so that it fell to the ground with a crash. I didn’t dare leave it there for fear a shower would come up and loosen it so as to let the wind out, and I had the hired men take axes and break it into small chunks, which I packed away in the barn. It was a great luxury in the summer. Whenever one of those hot August days came, all we had to do was to take a piece of cyclone about as big as your arm and pour a little water on it now and then, in order to get a cool, stead breeze all day. The only trouble we ever had occurred when mother thoughtlessly soaked an unasually large piece with a teakettle full of boiling water and blew the roof off the summer kitchen.” FETT To Clean Kid Gloves. A young lady recently entered a drug store and called for this mixture: One quart of deodorized benzine, one drachm of sulphuric ether, one drachm of chloro- ferm, two drachms of alcohol and just et story, but it “Autumn” and “Winter.” Although I have! ercugh cologne to make it smell pleasant. Ihave taken] When the order had been filled and the fair purchaser had departed, the clerk turned to a Star reporter and remarked: “Do you know what that lady wanted the prescription for? No; well, she is simply gcing to wash some soiled gloves in it. The preparation is one of the cheapest and Although I confess in*'summer weather 1| best for cleansing kid that I know of. You pour a little of the mixture into a clean That autumn was not coming at all this | owl and wash the gloves in it just as you would wash anything with soap and wa- ter. When, the soiled spots or dirt is about removed, rinse the gloves in some clean fluid. Usually, one rinsing is sufficient, but if the gloves are very much soiled, rinse a second time. If the gloves are of a And I could be even more humorous than | Cheap Kind, it is best to dry them on the hand, but a fine glove, after having been But why, oh, why, should I attempt to be | Ttbbed with a soft cloth to smooth out the wrinkles, may be hung on a line to dry When causes for grief and pain are so| like an ordinary garment. The preparation is an excellent thing to have handy, not a great poet once} Only for rejuvenating gloves, but for re- moving grease spots from clothing and carpets, and for sponging coat collars and felt hats. Any lady can save considerable Xes, these aro the times that try the soul, | ™0ney by following that one's example.”