Evening Star Newspaper, January 25, 1896, Page 14

THE EVENING STAR, SATURDAY, JANUARY 25, 1896-TWENTY-FOUR PAGES. THE FIRING CEASED. And Both Sifes" Admired the Bravery’ _of_ One Man, “You can’t tell how far a cat can jump by the curl ffs tail,” said an old reg- ular army officer at the Ebbitt, last Sat- urday night; 9fgnd you can't judge of a man’s bravery by looking at his face.” The remark~was called out by a story that had just-been told of a sailor's ac- tions during’ allftht at one of our southern seaport towns in the late war. “We had a Gérman named Pfau in my regiment, along ft the first of the war,” continued the sp¥aker, ‘whose usually pale face would typn to an ashen hue at the fir- ing of a muvices: yet he had more cool bravery about him than is often found even in born soldiers. The boys used to fire jokes at him on account of his nervous- ness at first, tut after standing up beside him in one or two engagements they drop- ped the funny business, and it wasn’t long before the entire regiment got so they swore by ‘Dutchy.’ “During the ‘seven days’ fight’ one of our ttle drummer boys, who was hit with a piece of shell, was lying on 4 high, ex- posed point on the field, when the regiment fell back a little. Pretty soon there was a cross fire of light. artillery from the rebels at our rignt and left, and the little raised spot of ground where Johnny was lying was right in the center of the cross. John- ny was a great favorite in his company, and many a sigh went up from the boys as they looked over ths field at-‘that. spot and realized his danger. But there.seem- ed to be no way--to help the. Jittle Tellow, and the only thing to be done was to pray that the iron and leaden hail might not touch him. : “Then a ten-pounder shell ploughed through the dirt on the knoll,bounding over toward our left, and burst among the nine- ty-first Pennsylvania volunteers. A groan went through our rajiks as the men saw the dirt flying on the knoll, for the drum- mer was up theré, and just then ‘Dutchy’ dropped bis musket and made a break across the open field for the little summit, zigzagsing right toward the rebel lines. There was a moment's lull in the rattling musketry, an instant’s cessation of the can- nonading, and ‘Dutchy’ was seen to stag- ger and partially fall once or twice, but he reached the knoll; and when he picked that little youngster up in his arms it seemed as though the whole gray-coat line jumped up and waved their hats and cheer- ed him. Those fellows knew what bravery was as well as we did, and as Pfau stag- gered back to our lines with the little wounded drummer in his arms there wasn’t a shot fired. “*Poys, here's Shonny again,’ he said, as he laid the moaning little fellow in the arms of a big sergeant, then he fell in a faint, weak from loss of blood. When the doctors got him into the hospital, and had taken off his clothing, it was found that he had nine bullet wounds, some pretty severe, but none fatal. The poor fellow died a few months after that of swamp fever, and was buried just out of camp with more military honors than are usu- ally paid to an enlisted man.” —_> —_ SHE STAMPED HIS OFFER. SEEN AT THE CAPITOL One of the very funniest mistakes that mine-tenths of the members of Congress make, neither house being excepted, is to continually speak of a woman who has lost d as a “widow woman.” Even it used the term. Fe ag ae One of ‘the most remarkable heads of hair in all Congress adorrs the head of the gentleman from Chicago, Mr. Lorimer. His Name ought to be Taffy, for really he has the taffest-colored hair ever seen outside of a Titian canvas. His hair is ie 8 way come in | little long and has a bit of curl at the ends. yet. tone tf Hee. bumper Bek ; hen the sun strikes across the painted plaques in the ceiling the reflection lights up Mr. Lorimer’s hair till it looks a very auriole. It is auch hair as a woman would glory in, hence the gentleman from Chi- cago is a target for a good many envious female eyes and the subject of much femi- mine discussion. OR OR OK They are telling a real mean story on Mr. Bartlett of New York. They say that he has given his valet orders to be very particular to watch the sessions of Con- gress, and if an emergency should arise that would keep him at the Capitol after dinner, the valet is to hustle up with his evening sult, as he could not think of ex- hibiting himself after 6 o'clock in a frock coat or cutaway. By the way, Mr. Bart- lett has a very pretty taste in ties, a hand- some one in a delicate shade of petunia be- ing his favorite, apparently. * Oe ih La al amen a i ee id IN xe eK * d In the early days of Texas there were scme communities in which almost every eitizen had left his former home on ac- }| count of some disgrace, scandal or crim- fral charge. Several of these gathered in @ room one evening and agreed that they “would tell the true story of how they came to go to Texas, so a Sear reporter was in- formed by Col. James Allen, a well-known citizen of the lone star state. The first speaker had been a bank cashier, and was accused of embezzlement. Another had escaped from an injured husband; another had been charged with bribery in an elec- ticn; another had killed a man, as he claimed, in self-defense. All had told their stories except the most prominent man of the town. “There is nothing sensational in m: Te he said. “I came “The fact that I sold liquer on the road ence saved my life,” said a commercial traveler to a Star reporter. “I was in Bell county, Kentucky, having gone to collect a bill from a customer who had gone out of business and moved into the mountains. “While riding along on horseback, hav- ing ieft my samples at Pineville, I was stopped by a mountaineer, who asked: “Whar you goin’, stranger?” I told him, and he disappearéd. In a few minutes I was stopped again, this time by two men, and asked the same question. Being allowed to proceed, I rode on, won- dering what it all meant, when half a dozen men stopped me and said: “Stranger, I reckon yo’ had better go with us.” They piloted me along for several miles, no one saying a word. Finally, we stopped @t a cabin, and I was soon surrounded with men. “I reckon he’s the ‘spotter,’" one of them remarked, and then I realized my danger. “Why,” I said, “I am no revenue officer. I sell liquor myself. If some one will go to Pineville, I'l give him an order by which he can get my sample cases.” After some consultation, this was agreed to, and I was kept prisoner for a day, while the messenger went to Pineville and back. The contents of the sample case satisfied them, and I was allowed to go free.” x * * * * At a reception, recently, a certain young man got into trouble by joining in a con- versation when he knew not with whom he was talking. He was standing near the punch bowl, and two ladies close by were speaking of—well, “Mrs. O’Flounce” will do. “Oh,” said one woman, “only think of having such a name—O’Fiounce!” And she hrugged her aristocratic shoulders. Tgh! exclaimed her friend, shuddering sympathetically. goodness, ladies, that isn’t any- put In the afore-mentioned young just suppose her name were Smith or Brown!” “Young man,” said the first speaker, drawing herself to her full height and look- img at him through her lorgnette, “my name is Brown! The conversation turned upon books, the guest complimenting the hostess upon her Magnificent library. “Yes,” chirped the guest’s wife, “you have a lot of books, ahd I see a whole set of encyclopedias—oh, have you read them all?” « com- for my- A young High School girl was passing through Statuary Hall the other day with some of her mates, and they paused in front of the Garfield statue. “My patience, but this does make me weary,” she ex- claimed, touching the mass of bronze that Hes at the foot of the pedestal, and is meant for a laurel crown, a sword and some othe: things. “I®have been coming up here for years, positively, and that thing was broken off and lying right there the first time I ever saw it. Seems to me that while they are appropriating money they might put in a dollar or two for repair- ing the Garfield statue. Such negligence and carelessness ought to be rebuked. * KK KOK Judge Orrin L, Miller of Kansas, who succeeded “Fog Horn” Funston, has posi- tively announced that he will not be a candidate for re-election. He cannot af- ford to give up his legal practice for the empty- honor of a congressional office. xk OK OK One would not look for vanity in a man like Senator Vest, who habitually goes with bis waistcoat unbuttened from top to bot- tom, and regards starched shirts with aver- son in summer, but he never enters the ele- vator that he does not turn to the mirror and smooth his thinring locks and adjust his necktie. By the way, how does it hap- pen that in the elevator on the ladies’ par- lor side of the House there is not a single mirror, and there are four over on the cthe> side in the elevator most affected by the members and newspaper men? * kK OK OK Senator Peffer doesn’t play cards, drink, smoke or chew, and he isn’t given to so- ciety frivolities of any kind, though a more genial and courteous host never welcomed stacks of friends, and one wonders what weakness he has. It is children! Yes, children and animals. He loves real girly girls of the natural kind, and manly boys, old or young. He likes to watch the chil- dren in their plays on the street, and isn’t a bit averse to taking a hand at marbles or suggesting that the tail of a kite Is too light or too heavy. Cats instinctively rub up against him, recognizing a frend, and dogs are his devoted admirers. kk KK Every man with a plug hat and a heavy beard ‘ who leaves the Capitol, on the east side, after the adjournment of the Senate, creates a regular ucramble among the ‘“‘cab- bies” who stand on that side of the build- ing, for just at that time they are looking for Senator Brice, who invariably rides home in one of these vehicles and who never gives less than a dollar for,a very short ride, and not infrequently considera- bly more, which fact makes the Senator a very desirable passenger, and hence the unusual scramble of the “cabbies. The Senator seems to enjoy it, however, and usually takes the first vehicle that reaches him, whether it be a hack, a cab, a hansom or a coupe. The other evening the Senator, together with a friend, was leaving the Capitol at the usual exit, and when the “cabbies” saw him the usual scramble ensued, and the Senator had hardly walked ten yards before he was surrounded by no less than a dozen vehicles of every description, but the Senator did not seem to take the rush in his usual smiling way on this day, and walking over near the cab stand he and his friend jumped into the, only vehicle that did not make a dart to secure him. driver did not recover from his as- tonishment for about a minute, but when he did he whiped up and going past his brother “cabbies” he nearly fell cff his seat laughing, while the Senator iookei out of the window and smiled. a Why He Was Silent. From Harper's Drawer. Jules was the very acceptable courier of a small party of Americans traveling in Europe last. summer. He was an accom- plished linguist, and, in the line of profanity, “For your health?” im emt knew that I did not have more than two weeks to live, unless I changed climate, and I Sins to ekres where I have entirely regained my as Then a man who had not been noticed arose and said: “The colonel tells the truth. He would only have lived two weeks. He was sen- tenced to be hanged, and escaped. I was there then, but I ain’t saying a word, as there are reasons for my not corresponding with people back in Illinois.” ee TRIED THE LAW. An Incident in the Career of Repre- sentative Culberson. A frierd of Representative Culberson of Texas related the following incident: ‘When Mr. Culberson was prosecuting at- torney,” he said, “there was a criminal statute universally disregarded. The in- dictment of-a well-known man for violation of this law was secured through the efforts of Mr. Culberson, who prosecuted the case with more vigor than almost any he had ever conducted, succeeding in securing a conviction and sentence to the penitentiary. Then he left town, and no one knew where he had gone until he and the prisoner, who had been taken to the penitentiary, re- turned together. Mr. Culberson had gone to the governor, obtained a pardon, and met the convict at the penitentiary with it. The law fad been vindicated, and there were no more violations of that statute in Jef- ferson.”” An English Breach of Promise Case Hangs Upen a Postage Stamp. From the London News. Miss Jane Ashton of Hollingwood, near Manchester, has discovered an entirely novel use for penny postage stamps. | Courted by Mr. Samuel Scholes, a farmer of that part, and growing wearied of her lover's. procrastinating habits, Miss Ashton determined at last to. bring matters to an issue. She was moved thereto by more than one cohisidetation. It was not merely the farmer’s'pergistent neglect’ to name the wedding day, pleading the cotton strike, egricultural,-depression and other insuffi- cient excuses; it was the fact that after ten years of thfs sort of shilly-shallying Mr. Scholes had*begun to pay marked attention to another Tady. ‘Moreover, Miss Ashton’'s dilatory suitor had attained to the age of sixty, and Miss Ashton was herself getting on that way. F So Miss Ashtoi’ Informed him in decided terms that he miist make up his mind. “I will do‘anything in reason,” said the ‘mer. * ‘Then let us haye it in writing,” said the lady. a Thereupon Miss Ashton wrote on a sheet of paper: “Will you marry me if I keep company 'wRif-yoh?" and the farmer, being thus cornereds Rppended .the.. words: “I will” but added, the insidious proviso, will if T ever marry,’,. . Naturally Miss Ashiton saw in this act reed for extra caution. She knew her man, and therefore pulled out a penny postage stamp, stuck it firmly on the document, wrote across it the date, and put it in her pocket. Then it was that Mr. Scholes, im- pressed by this legal formality, begged Piteously to haye the fatal paper, stamp ana ‘all, handed over to him. He would give a sovereign for it, he said, and when the lady asked him: “Are you going to get married or aré! you not?” he wildly gasped out the words: “Whether or not, I want thee to set me free." ‘ The closing scene of the little drama was enacted-at' the Manchester assizes, where Miss Ashton appéared as plaintiff in a breach of promise action. The postage stamp may have lacked the sovereign vir- tues that Miss Ashton had attributed to it; this little object which had caused Mr. Scholes’ teeth to chatter with fear may have been a mere bugbear, but the jury looked to the facts of the case and gave the lady a verdict, though with what seems to be the rather paltry sum of {75 dam- ages. DU MAURIER'S ‘TROUBLE. a VERY YOUNG WIDOW. A Ten-Year-Old Girl That Carries a Pathetic Note. This is the season of year when beggars are most plentiful. A little ten-year-old girl stood*near an up-town hotel soliciting alms. In her hand she had a badly solled note, which. she offered to each passer by, but most of them were too busy to read it, and contented themselves with dropping a small coin in her outstretched palm. Finally, a benevo- lent-looking old_gentleman took the note and read it. His hand was withdrawn from his pocket, and he simply said: “Very remarkable,” and passed on. The nove read: * : The bearer is a widow kee KK Anybody who watches the evolution of fashion can discern on the horizon of style the bustle cleud. The very full skirts de- mand some support, and as appendages at the lower border have been found ineffective, some of the leading modistes have arranged pads at the waist line of gowns. Then the short jackets, with their innumerable con- volutions and their jaunty air, give the ef- fect produced by a bustle and are recognized @s making a fashionable gontour. There- fore, when the spring advances and jack- ets are laid aside, in order to produce the Pecessary stylish hump, the bustle per se will be called Into requisition and the fem- inine world will be launched on the same sea of folly on which it was shipwrecked seme years ago. I have the word of a fash- fonable woman just from Paris to sustain this p-ediction, and it remains to be seen if the American woman will put a quencher on this absurdity, as she did in the case of | crinoline, or will she follow blindly in the ath at whose termination stands the ridicu- lous Grecian bend. ee KK “What's in a name” had an amusing il- lustration a few days ago when a few friends were being entertained at luncheon by a popular hostess. After her guests had assembled and just before the luncheon ‘Was served, she slipped into the dining room to see that everything was attended to prop- erly, where she was confronted by the cook, in a great state of excitement. In answer to her inquiries as to the cause, the bewil- ered Hibernian poured out her tale of woe: “Well, mum, I had everything fixed in regular order to serve, and that last lady that came sent down to the kitchen a bucket of hash, for a surprise to yez, and I don’t mn to send it om.”* exclaimed madam. “Yes, mum, here it is,” and the agitated servant produced from the pantry a pail of delicious terrapin, ready for serving, which one of the guests, known as a terrapin ex- pert, had brought as an addition to the feast. “To the charitabl with four small children to support, and is very destitute. A few cents may save her from starvation.” —-__ Primitive Mounds in Texas. From a Letter in the Galveston News. A communication from Mr, John E. Mat- thews in your issue of December 27 re- specting mounds and the “mound builders” shows that he is probably unaware of the existence of a group of mounds in Texas, which are well worthy of study by the archaeologist. They are in the suburbs of the town of Nacogdoches, in the eastern part of the state. Four of these mounds are standing in apparently much the same condition as when left by their unknown builders. A lige drawn from the largest, which is furthest “southward, passing through each in turn, to the last, which is furthest northward, would describe an 1r- regular arc of probably 100 or 120 degrees, and each mound, from south to north, di- minishes in size and height. That furthest to the south may be compared to a cone, probably 400 feet in circumference at the base. with a flat, table-like summit, the sides showing that at one time they had been abrupt and regular, and, in fact, were sufficiently steep in 1850 to afford a coast- ing place for the boys of the town with their sleds after a snow which occurred in that year. The next two mounds have rounded tops, and the slope of their sides is more gentle. The last mound, which is about 300 yards north of the largest of the to my recollection, does not exceed six or | On the way over the St. Gothard pass, for seven feet in height. i some distance the train moved along oppo- Se site a tremendously high precipice, over Advice to a Young Married Woman. | which a tiny stream flowed, almost losing it- From the Boston Herald. self tn ree before reaching its course below. The following advice, given to a young | Jules informed the party as to its pecullari- : | tles, and retired. Later on a traveler told married woman, who was visited by an old- | 10" qmericans a story about certain fish in er and more experienced one, may be help-| that stream, to the effect that when they ful to some of our readers: came to the edge of the precipice they curled When the visitor arose to go the hostess Sore BE ps ee tails in their mouths and ro! lown like so many hoops. came with her to the decor, and out upon urious Jules never told-us that,” anid the pleasant piazza, which, however, looked | one. “I think I'll speak to him about it.” @ little dusty in the corners. And he did. “‘Why didn’t you let us know Ever Since Youth He Has Been Threatened With Loss of Sight. From the. Westminster Budget. "In the course of a talk Du Maurier de- scribed a tragie affair that occurred at the Antwerp Academy, where he was studying under De Keyser and Van Lerius. “It was on a day in Van Lerius’ studio,” he sald, “that the great~-tragedy of my life oc- curred.” The voice of Du Maurier, who till then had been chatting with animation, suddenly fell, and over his face came an indefinable ke Ke * A well-known detective told me a good story, the truth of which he vouches for. “One day,” he said, “‘a lady came into my office, evideatly in deep trouble. “‘You are a detective? ‘Yes, madame.” “Well, I want your services in a very @elicate matter,’ she said, her voice sink- ing to a whisper, as she glanced nervously about to see that no one was present that could hear the conversation. . “Oh, dear,” said the young wife, “how | about those fish, Jules?” he asked. “Hadn't isfied no other provoking the servants are. I told Mary | Youheard the story?” . alee Rai ee ‘has a suicidal mania. He appears to be, to sweep the piazza thorcughly, and now ‘Yes, I had,” sald Jules, ‘but I don’t neffer ~ look how dusty it is.” “Grace,” said the older woman, looking into the disturbed young face with kindly humorous cyes, “I am an old housekeeper. Let me give you a bit of advice: Never di- rect people’s attention ta defects. Unless you do so they will rarely see them. “Now, if I had been in your place and noticed the dirt I should have said, “How blue the sky is,” ‘How beautiful the clouds are,’ or ‘How bracing the air i: TE should have looked up at thi spoke and should have gcetten you safely down the steps and out of sight without your seeing the dust.” ———_+ee______ Pop Goes the Resolve. From the Chicago Evening Poet. “I was drawing from a model, when sud- denly the girl’s -head seemed to me to dwindle to the size of a wainut. I clapped my hand over my left eye. Had I been mis- taken? I could see as well as ever, But when in its turn I covered my right eye I learned what had happened. My left eye had failed me; it might be altogether lost. It was so sudden a blow that I was as thunderstruck.” Seeing my dismay, Van Le- rius came up and asked me what might be the matter, and when I told him he said that it was nothin, hat he had had that himself, and so on- And a doctor whom I anxiously consulted that same day com- forted me and said that the accident was a passing one. However, my eye grew worse and worse, and the fear of a total blind- ness beget me. constantly. That .was the in perfect health, eats well, sleeps well, has no cares or troubles that I know of and yef I have to watch him carefully in order to keep him from committing suicide. His mania, for, of course, I know it is that with him, is so subtle that no one would suspect it for an instant. But he Las laudanum secreted around the house. I have found several vials of It, and ear that there is more that I have not been able to discover.” ‘The se was a most interesting one, and I agreed to visit the house in the guise of an invited relative of the wife and study the affair. I was greeted most cor- dially by the husband and within twenty- four hours admired him greatly. <A lighter-hearted, merrier, happier man I tell zat story to ze Americans. Zey can tell pooty goot lies deirselfs.” a = 2e8e Ici on Parle Americain. From Life. Young tourist (after consulting diction- ary)—“Garcon, will you bring—oh—voolez voo apportez—two—deux-deux—er, oh——" Waiter (interrupting)—“Cocktalls?”’ Different Kind: From Harper's Bazar. Parrott—‘‘Some men are born great, some achieve greatness—" Wiggins—‘‘Yes; and others wear clothes that are too big for them!” English well” ee ee most tragic event of my life. It poisoned awakered by ths screams of the wife saa] “Well?” en “Ipu Maurice ss though to shake of hastily arising jand dressing ran down| A pause. 7 From the Filegende Blatter. troubling obsession, rose from his chair and é ” “ of;.8. grea’ Tushed to the man’s bedside, but too late.| ~*°>- lived in. Dasseldort,, acdwe mete He was not yet dead, but ever recovered an aen see him. ‘He examined my eyes, and consciousness. ‘seeming grief of - Widow was heart-rending. but I caught a| “Yep.” weiniss inty Nak a reas Oo Pe oss A dismal cough. “I caught a celd the first thing.” “So did L” gleam in her eyes that convinced me she had poisoned her husband, and her ruse in having me in,the house hac been as’ bold as it was successful, for not a word of evi- dence could I have produced that she had plotted the murder of her husband. Two months later sho was married again and tainly lost,,g. had no reason.to fear losing the other, ‘but that I must be very careful and not drjak beer or eat cheese, and so on. It was,very:¢omforting to know that I was not tg be,blind, but I have never shaken off she terror of that apprehension. “My life was advery prosperous one from A brief interval of silence. “I know what's good for it. 2 on the outset in London. I was married in went to Europe. anothee Gitenval: 1863, and my wife and I never once knew You would have been amused at Mrs.| “Shall wer” NR en ent ay oe ee “ ” mn my val ‘y , thé wife of a Representative from! YP. en that I have,;beensvery happ; <7 He ¥houtht It Pleonasm. From the Cin¢fnnat{, Enquirer. “Don’t use poer soap,” read Perry Pa- tettic from the paper in which his “‘poke- out” had been dropped. “Ef I had been writin’ that,” he continued, “I think I would have left out that word ‘pore.’ ” eee ea Broke the Silence. From the Westchester Globe, For a tong time after he had succeeded in inserting hirisélf through the door, at 3 a.m., she regarded him in silence. jength she spake. Alea! she spake at length: SS ma : His Weakness, From the Cincinnati Enquirer. “While I am no jingo,” said the reporter, who for the fourth time in one week had to correct an’item, “still I seem to be a success as @ tale-twister.” ~ 3 was broken. one of the southern states, I forget just | “27 %° the New Year vow was! which one. I struck up an acquaintance with her in the House gallery ono. day last week, and when she found I knew some- thing of her husband her heart warmed toward me immediately. She told me she had been here ever since Congress con- vened, and she thought Washingtor was smply horrid. I said: “Why, what's the matter?” “Well.” she said, “at home the wife of a Representative is some one, and people make a fuss over her, especially when her husband is as prominent as my husband is; but here in Washington being the wife of @ Representative doesn’t even give one the entree into good society. ‘I'm just tired explaining to people I meet who I am, who and what tay hus- band ts, that this is his first term, etc., and have them say, ‘Oh, yes,’ and then, I meet them, all to do over Discharged. From the New York Herald. Judge—“What's the charge?” Policeman—‘‘Suspicious character. Judge—“What grounds?” Policeman—“Having @lamonads, watches, gold bars, clocks, medals, etc., which he was about to pawn.” —_ (to prisoner)}—“What have you to say?” Prisoner—“I am an amateur bicycle racer.” ————+ee______ ‘Too Much of a Good Thing. From the Chicago Tribune. In the act of raising the kitchen window the burglar paused and listened. A sound smote his ears. He thfust his head inside and listened more intently. “It's more than one,” he sai twins!" And he ciimbed in and robbed the entire lower floor at his ieisure. Sunday hunter (to a driver whom he had tedly wounded)—“Four dollars ‘smart money’ you charge again? I think I am en- titled to wholesale rates by this time.” - THE STORY OF A CARD. It Changed a Miserly Millionaire Into Ce a Public Benefactor. aah “This play of ‘The Fata} Card’ we've been having here lately,” said @ Washing- ton merchant to a Star reporter, “reminds Me of a card story.” “Not one of the kind of cards that Wash- ingtonians are most familiar with, is it?” irquired the reporter, trying to he face- ttous, GIRLS ON THE WAR QUESTION. Some Views From a Purely Feminine Point of View. _ The girl in the tailor-made suit and the other one in a crepon skirt, or something like that, were out on F street the other morning on a shopping and talking tour. They discussed the army and navy dance, the last reception, the latest seventeen teas, the number of affairs they had at- tended during the week previous, the scarc- ity of scandal this season, the jam at the White House, the good time they were hav- ing and the miserable time other girls of their acquaintance were having, the cur- rent gossip, and finally they reached poli- tics and its collateral branches. “Do you believe we are going to have war?” inquired the tailor-made girl. “Who?” replied the crepon-made maid. OW h: exclaimed the tailor-made one, “didn't you know we are going to have @ war?” “Who?” asked the other again, quite as helplessly. “Why, the United States.and Vongzwala, of course.”” “What are they going to war about?” “Oh, I don't exactly understand. was talking about it the other evening, and I asked him, but he didn’t give me much satisfaction. Two or three men call- e4 just as he got started and that inter- fered, don’t you know. Anyway it was something about Baron Shawnburk, or somebody, that was a baron and some kind of a line he had.” “Wasn't he anything more than a baron?” asked the other ina tone of disappoint- ment. “He wasn’t a baron, I don’t believe. Sir Robert Shawmburk, that’s what he was.” “Gracious goodness, we oughtn’t to go to war oyer anything less than an earl, I think. And I didn’t know there were any earls in Vongzwala.” “There aren’t. The English are mixed up in it some way.” “Oh, isn’t that lovely?” and the girl in crepon became enthusiastically interested. “I thought so, but papa says they had better keep their hands off. I don’t sce why, of course, but papa sayd@we have to maintain the Monroe doctrine or fight.” ‘But who are we going to fight?” ‘Why, Vongzwala, of course, and Eng- land, too, if she sides with Vongzwala against Mr. Monro “Who's Mr. Monroe?” “He's an American, I fancy.” “Hasn't he any title “Oh, I presume he might be a colonel or something like that.” “Well,” said the crepon-made maid, “TI guess we can whip Vongzwala, can't we?" “Of course, but didn’t I tell you England was mixed up in it some way.” “England doesn’t want to fight us, too, does she “Papa says she wants to overthrow the Monroe doctrine. z “What kind of a doctrine is that? Any- thing about the tariff?” “No, I guess not. Brother says It’s a notice from Uncle Sam to the effete mon- archies of the east to keep off the grass.” “Isn’t your brother too funny for any- thing? And so handsome, too,” and the girl in the crepon wandered away from the subject. ‘He wants to see a fight, he says. Al war would be lovely, wouldn’t it? There would be so many more officers than there are now, and when we had another army and navy dance there wouldn't be a dozen girls to a man, would there?’ ‘Then the two young women went into a store and negotiated for a yard of ribbon. SSS GEN. GRANT WAS CLUBBED. “Hardly. But let me tell you the tale. When I was a youngster of fifteen or less, which is now forty or fifty years ago, I badn’t as much money as I have now, nor did my parents, but we’ thrived well, and I got the best education that wag to be had at the time, owing to the kindness of a mil- lionaire relative of mine, an old chap who died when I was about twenty. We never knew the story until he died, and then it all came out in a letter he wrote and left with his will. “It seems that when the old man was about twenty he went west with a young men of his own age, who had been brought up with him by the same people, both be- ing orphans. They were as brothers, or even closer, in their affections, and when they started out to seek their fortunes they each wrote a card and. gave it to the other. Just what the inscription was I don’t know, but it was enough to signify that ‘if one was in need the other would honor the card under any circumstances, and after any lapse of time, if he were financially able to do so. “Well, they -worked together for awhile, and then, by business changes, and one way or another, they separated. For a lcng time they kept up a correspondence, but as the years went by that dropped, and they lost sight of each other. I fancy my relative did not seek to continue it, for in a few years he was very successful, while the other man was not, and you know how things go under those circumstances. A quarter of a century went by, and by that time my relative was a millionaire many times over, and the nastiest, meanest, stingiest, crustiest old cuss in ten states. He couldn’t help that, perhaps, and I don’t krow that he tried, “Anyhow, one day a ragged and starving man came into his office and asked to see him alone. He told him to state his busi- ness where he was. The man told a Icng story of suffering and want, of a sick and starving wife and children and the usual concomitants of that kind of a situation, and then handed my relative a card. It was yellow and worn and dirty, but it was the same old card that he had given hig boyhood triend. The old man gave the ap- plicant a dime and told him to get out and not come back there any.more. He obeyed the cruel command and went out sileut!; That evening a policeman came to the oid man’s office with a note and a card. All the note said was: ‘Give this card to my boyhood friend, He will understand.” “The note was unsigned, The card whith the policeman handed over had a hole through it as if cut by a knife, and there was blood about the edges of the cut. The officer explained that it had been found on the dead body of a man in an attic room in the slums, with a knife driven through it and into the man’s heart. That was all the policeman knew. I don’t know what the old man said, or how he felt, but I do know that from that day forward he was a changed maf. “He gave to every worthy person needing help; he sought out all his poor kin and took cafe of them judiciously; educating the girls, giving the boys a start in busi- ness and helping their parents; he organ- ize@ charities, and he offered a reward of a thousand dollars for the family of his dead friend. He never found it, however, and I fancy the friend never had a family. I guess he wasn’t any good, anyway, but whether he was or not, the way he took himself off was a blessing to the old man, and most emphatically to all of his kin. Se ea eae HE WAS EXPERIENCED. He Deserved It, Too, and Made No Complaint. From the New York World. Once upon a time Gen. Grant was beaten. He was beaten in less than half a minute, and he made ro attempt to fight back. When it happened Jacob Riis was a re- porter at police headquarters for the Asso- And Had Learned the. Advantnge of | ciated Prees, 4 Being Strictly Non-Committal. “The Masonic Temple was on fire,” says From the Detroit Free Press. Mr. Riis. “The temple is on the corner of 23d street and 6th avenue, and the fire hap- pened more ghan ten years ago. The fire lines were formed, snow was falling and the police were out of temper. Along from the Fifth Avenue Hotel there came a ‘small man, with his hands in his pockets and a big cigar sticking out of the corner of his mouth. He did not notice the fire lines or anything, but walked straight ahead with his head down. He ran into the arms of a big policeman who had tired himself pushing people back. ‘Blank, blank, blank said the policeman, ‘do you take me for wooden Indian?’ Without waiting for an an- swer, the policeman seized the small man by the coiiar, and, with a few more blanks, brought his club with a loud whack across the small man’s back below the waist. The small man said not a word, barely looked up and resumed his walk, with his hands still in his pockets. I said to the policeman, whom I kne ‘Great heavens, man! do you know what you've done? Do you know who that was you clubbed?’ ‘Naw,’ said the policeman, ‘I don’t.” “Well,” I said, Gen. Grant,’ and his face fell almost a foot.” “Pretty cold, isn't it?” he said,as he swung himself aboard a Michigan avenue car, and got a rest for his back against the railing of the platform. ‘The remark was addressed to a man who had boarded the car two blocks above, and who didn’t seem to hear it. ‘The other made no reply. ‘Is this cold enough for you!” shouted the man after a half minute, and evidently be- lieving the other to be deaf. Still there was no reply. The car sped along for a block, and then the man who had spoken determined to secure a response. He pulled at the other's arm and raised his voice still higher and yelled: “T say, it’s a cold mornin: ‘Speaking to me?” quietly asked the silent man as he slowly turned. “Yes, of course.” “Weil, I'm not deaf.’ “Oh, I thought you were. I said it was a cold morning. “Yes. “And you didn’t answer. “TI never do.” “Don’t you think it’s cold?” persisted the talker, who was getting mad about it. “Twenty years ago,” meplied the other after taking thirty seconds to blow his nose and wipe off his chin, “twenty vears ago, when I was in Chicago, a man asked me the same question you did when you first got on the car, and I promptly replied that it was are, cold.” “Yes. ——___+e+. ____ A CONVICT’S BOGUS WILL. He Used It to Make His Life in the Penitentiary East From the New York Journal. A peculiar case of deception came to light Thursday at the penitentiary, on Biack- well's Island. Last July Samuel J. K. Ad- ler, a lawyer, over seventy years of age, of this city, was sentenced to the penitentiary for two yéars and ten months for fraud. Adier practiced in the Yorkville police court, and it was there he commenced the practices which firally landed him in pris- on. Since that time his friends have been working to secure him a pardon. To aid them Adier from time to time has feigned sickness. He claimed he was going to die, and succeeded in getting word to that effect outside the prison. Before going to the penitentiary Adier made the acquaintance of a number of charity workers, who felt sorry for him on account of his old age. These workers were of all denominations, and to each the old man professed his desire to embrace their particular form of religion. After being in prison a short time he was trans- ferred to the hospital ward, or dormitory, as it is knewn. While there Adler, who hf#d announced at the Tombs and the penitentiary that he was very wealthy, commenced to make a will. After the usual opening phrase- ology, he started off by leaving $20,000 to the Protestant Orphan Asylum. In some way Adler managed to make this fact known to the people of that faith whom he had met. The result was that many charitably inclined women sent baskets of fruit to the old man to cheer his dying mo- ments. Adler had also made the acquaintance of many Catholics, and in his will the or- phans of that church were not forgotten. They were put down for $20,000, and char- itable persons of that faith also sent him delicacies. But Adler did not die; he grew fatter as he grew sicker, and would prob- ably be working his scheme yet had he not decided to ake Warden Pillsbury and Deputy Warden Koppings executors of his will in the hope of deceiving them. It was then that it was learned where Adler's fruit and delicacies came from, for after adding them to his will, he told them of his bequests, and this put them on their guard. Yesterday a friend of Adler called at the penitentiary and stated that the old tan did not possess a dollar. The friend bad heard of the will and investigated it. ee gs ee A Father's Revenge. From the Cincinnati Enquirer. The clock in the church tower struck the hour of 8. Three in the morning. A haggard and wearied man softly laid a bundle of linen, surmounted with a small red face, bearing traces of tears, within a cradle. An object on the mantel caught his glar- ing eye. He picked it up and read the in- scription: “To the quietest and best-behaved baby, Shagwox’s Baby Show, 1895. Laughing bitterly, he crushed the fragile silver mug with his slippered heel, kicked off the slippers and wearily sank into bed. —___+ e+ —___ What It Cost Him. From the Indianapolis Journal. Mrs. Watts—“There! We have cleared off the last of that church debt, and it never cost you men a cent. See what wo- men can do! Mr. Watts—I don’t know about the ‘He at once turned on me and called me a Mar, end in the fight which resulted he blinded my left eye and knocked out seven of my teeth, while I broke two of his ribs and knocked his chin off his jaws. Sir! It may be a cold morning—this may be sum- mer or winter. I utterly and emphatically refuse to express an opinion.”’ “But can’t—" ‘No, sir—no, sir! I refuse to talk about the weather—teetotally refuse! I refuse to talk on any subject. I'm mum. If you want to hear yourself gab, go ahead, but please address your remarks to the door or the conductor!’ —-s00 A Collection of “Americanisms.” From the Liverpool Post. “Americans generally, I think, say “Come,” instead of “Come in,” when there is a knock at the door. Instead of “I beg your pardon,” in passing you or on failing to understand what you say, they use the expression “Excuse me.” They call a man of powerful mind “brainy.” A brook or beck they call a “crick.” Anything made abroad they call imported anything made at home, “domestic.” Thus they speak with disrespect of “domestic cigar: In most parts of the states “clever” does not mean clever, but pleasant, agreeable. For “temporary” the word commonly used is “transient.” Thus you have transient board or transient employment. The ne- groes in the south, when they mean a man died, say that he “ceased.” A “tough” everywhere is a low fellow, and tough is used for low as an adjective. Thus we hear of a “tough neighborhood.” For “bee line” the Americans say an “air lin When in the south—I do not know about you read on a notice board it means that the proprietor for- bids trespass and everything else that can be objected to on his land. traffic is called “transportation.” A very interesting expansion of an ad- jective is the word “‘conservative” ‘as mean- ing “moderate.” For instance, if a news- Paper writer or any one in conversation wwere considering how many people there ‘had been in a certain crowd, he would probably say: “It would be a very conser- vative estimate to put that crowd down at ratio shouted me teet’ loose yellen’ ir ye.” * Mike (the new hand)—“Faith, I didn’t hear yez.” Pat—“Wull, yes hear me now—Mort!| other fellows, but I know you have made Mort!! Mort!!r" me spend more $100 for extra meals Mike—“Sure, I heerd tha ee but | down town while you were out monkeying *tain’t me name, ’tall a 'tall!”—Trut around.” | Love Story “Four or five years ago,” said a bachelor in conversation with a Ster reporter, “I hed a sweetheart that I was deeply in love with, | and wanted to narry, but I was afraid to esk her. At that time I was making e study; of psychic thing, and it occurred i psychical proposal by projecting my sub-_ Jective mind around the corner to where the of a Bachelor, Whe Will Remain So, j i ay | and thet sort togme to make girl lived and fixing it all up ready for me: when I should take my objective mind around to have the affair ratified. I went to ursday evening and felt sure that notwith- if I asked her I would get her, standii ina she id ‘interested shall call wes about equal: of mine, whom Having doubts of my courage, I determined to make a test the next evening instead of going to see her, so I rotired early, that is, about 9 o'clock, and, accord- ing to formula, I exerted my mental facul- ties to their utmost, and directed all my mental energies upon the girl, and willed with all my power that she accept me. half an hour, fully, I shut out ev For thought Sut this important one, and went to sleep, or into a trance, under the mental strain. I awoke an hour or so later and felt that my a success, and that it would efforts been be all right next day, when I called. I felt so encouraged that I went to sleep and dreamed beautiful dreams of her till morn- ing. to make At 3 o’clock next afternoon I called 1. I telked to her my real on some trivial subject or other for half an hour, and then matter. “Did you came to the all-important feel any peculiar mental or emotional sensations last evening?’ I asked. “She blushed violently, and I was sure that my subjective proposal had hit center. “ “How did she replied, “Oh, phantly. “ “ “Really, I ‘What you know anything about it? laughing somewhat nervously. 's all right,” I smiled trium- ime did itoccur? | don’t know, but it must have been about 9:30. I remember that I thought it odd that the clock should strike just as it happened.’ “ “Wasn't it remarkable?’ was coming to it by degrees, and want- ed to see just where I was. ins tly. Afterward the project. years ago, overland to Pose—tu see Mr. with a seat. tel, watching the trip of pi “Yes, he ca: It was not but it was a average for t thousand inh: “Have you ers had been “No, sir.” “Going to “I guess “Yes, I am The landilo: In the Mal: iness of this The Amoy ‘George and his proposal last Texpected. We are to be married “Well, well! he can take my place.” “Never mind him, Mr. Smith. he does not care to go.. He is our driver.” Amoy dialect and live in the walled city, “«*No, I don’t think it was,’ she answered \dignan’ me, hes loved night was pms what ——— ee ONLY A TEAMSTER THEN. Became Known as Gen. U. 8. Gra Froa the Chicago Times-Herald. For several years there was much said about a railroad from Galena to Janesville, the idea being, when once there, to arrange with the then Milwaukee and Mississippi, now the Chicago, Milwaukee and St. Paul, to run a line to Janesville from Milton Junction, and thus secure a Milwaukee connection. The line was built from Mil- ton to Janesville, but Janesville the road is stil] an air castle. A number of moneyed men from Galena had been induced to interest themselves in from Galena to In 1860 several of these gen- tlemen, including the banker Henry Cor- with, who loaned vast sums of money to Wisconsin lumbermen from thirty to forty being of the number, drove Janesville for a double pur- the character of the country through which the proposed road was ta Tun, and to consult with A. Hyatt Smith and other Janesville men concerning the contemplated enterprise. . Corwithsand his ‘party were met by Mr. Smith and several others. ” was a carriag®' ride in the afternoon. of the Galena party had not been provided He stood in front of the ho« the delegations preparing for jleasure and business. “Mr. Corwith, that gentleman is of your party, is he not?” asked Hyatt Smith. me over with us.” I'l sit with the “river, and Presume exactly a banquet they had that evening, after the Janesville people had shown their visitors the town and told them as much in its favor as it would bear, spread something beyond the he little town of two or three abitants. registered?” asked the land« lord of a man he sew sitting near the stove soon after the visitors and their entertaine located in the dining room. stay with us tonight?” ~ so.” ‘Are you of the Galena party?” the teamster.” rd stepped into the di room and said: “Mr. Corwith, your driver is in the bar room. Shall he come to sup- per now or wait?” Some one suggested that he wait. “Nou, let him come in. Yes, landlord, let the captain come in.”, So it happened that Capt. Grant did not have to wait and eat with the servants, even if he was the teamster. ie PIRACY STILL EXISTs, Im the Chinese Seas” Has Many Followers. From the Pall Mall Garette- he Old Trade jay Peninsula piracy has de- clined considerably since the expedition of twenty years ago, but Perak, Salangore anc Ramhow still distinguish themselver now and again by a little undisguised bus> kind, In China the two greag hotbeds of buccaneers are the places which, have. been celebrated in this direction for centuries—Amoy and Canton. people proper, who speak the are very quiet, peaceable and orderly and have a pronounced antipathy for fighting, whether on sea or shore. But back of Amoy is the mountainous district of Tong- an. It is connected with the ocean by many arms of the sea. Its soil is sterile and its resources are very fe’ ; its people, like all mountaineers, are thin, muscular, brave and re: solute. Even today they pre- serve a semi-independence of a military na- ture. These are t! living by piracy. ‘he gentlemen who make their ‘They and the men of ‘Canton have learned wisdom by experience, They no longer cruise the wide seas, ate tacking any craft that may come alon; There are too many gunboats patrolling the coast—too many rifled guns and too man; yardarms. Law and order, in the past ha! century, have shot, hanged, drowned, blown up or burned the “black flag. least 100,000 followers of Today the work is done upon a smaller, but a far shrewder and safer, basis. ‘They keep spies at various places in their neighborhood, , Who report to headquarters whenever some junk is about to leave th: has a rich cargo or carries a large amount of money. Along with this goes the infor- mation of who commands the boat, how large a crew it carries and how it is armed, The pirates then plan to intercept the craft in some river or arm of the sea, or else in some shoal water near the coast, where there is no chance of meeting a ogee] and where, after the robbery, they have a Safe means of escape. Their calculations are carefully made, but come out right only once in four of five times. It may be that a foreign of Chinese gunboat suddenly appears upon the scene. It may be that the junk they are after goes past their rendezvous with a European steamer or river launch, or may- hap the prospective victim is delayed by adverse winds and tides, and so does not appear at the time and place figured upon. When they do make a capture they are not so brutal and cruel as in the old years. For the rest, any one who knows China and the Chinese will not need to be told that the booty is easily of without, risks or questions asked. From Life. eee Mischievous Willie. ‘O William, fie! I scarcely could believe ‘That thou wo! ma grieve! "st thus thy anxious grand: