The Bismarck Tribune Newspaper, February 7, 1934, Page 7

QUUASUOTEDOTAAOAN AEC TUOTTEOETRAOOAOA SEO EONUA AAMT GALS DDAUUDN AU UHDO AEA AOAAAL ein Abe Lincoln In a Lincoln-Douglas debate, Judge Douglas called Lincoln a failure, and dwelt on the fact that he had at one time sold liquor over the counter of a store. Lincoln, when it was his turn to speak, said that Judge Douglas had told the truth, but that he had left out one item. “He forgot to tell you,” said Lincoln, “that while | was on one side of the counter, the judge was always on the other side.” This reference to Douglas’ well-known infirmity set the audience howling with delighted mirth. HE 125th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln's birth is due to be celebrated tionday And that is going to remind a lot of peopie ot a lot of stories. Along with everything else, Abraham Lincoln managed to become famous as the greatest story-teller of his day— one of the greatest the nation has ever produced. : Except on the most formal occasions, Lincoln rarely made a speech without telling at least one story. In private conversation he used an almost limitless store of them. At cabinet meetings, in conferences with generals and states- men, in political discussions, in talks with friends—at all times and places Lincoln could be depended upon to pull out a story, almost irivariably a funny one, and always one which served to illustrate some point which he was trying to make. HAHN MRMUMLNEcccagtneanatectgtgcccaceccnaagcattiii eUNNQUUUTULLTTUML Recalling some of the choicest yarns with which the Civil War president, greatest raconteur of his day, used to clinch his arguments Urged to dismiss all seven cabinet members instead of just one, Lincoln told of the farmer who went out in the back yard by moonlight to kill a skunk which had been bothering his poultry. Instead of one skunk, how- ever, seven appeared. The farmer shot one and then fled, explaining that the one he killed “had raised such a fearful smell 1 concluded it was best to let the other UTE ec Abraham Line one, and he raised such a fearful smell that I concluded it was best to let the other six go.” The senators saw the = paigns. By setting his audiences in good humor, and then driv- ing home his argument with homely _ illustra- = tions which his hearers could not miss, Lincoln won both their liking * and their votes. Tt was the same after he got to Washington —except that some of the generals, senators and cabinet members were a little too pom- pous and formal to ap- preciate the anecdotes that Lincoln tossed at them. More than once ‘ he irritated some of his a polished associates pro- » foundly. Probably he knew it very well; at any rate, he never stopped telling his stories, and the Amer- ican fund of native anecdotes is infinitely | richer in consequence. And a pretty good way to mark his 125th birthday aniversary is to have a look at some of the best stories in | his famous repertoire of anecdotes. One of the best stories was told in one of the famous Lincoln-Douglas debates. This particular debate: was held at Galesburg, Ill., on the night of Oct. 7, 1858. Judge Douglas closed his part of the debate with a bitter attack on Lincoln’s career. Lincoln, said Douglas, failed at every school teaching, liquor selling and Jaw and had failed at each: now he was trying politics, and he was doomed to make his worst failure of his entire career. Then Lincoln rose to reply. He said that Judge Douglas had given them a very accurate picture of himself. “It is true—every word of it,” he said. “] have worked on a farm; I have split rails; 1 have worked on‘ a flatboat; I have tried to prac- tice law. There is just one other thing that ~ Judge Douglas. forgot to mention. He says that I sold liquor over a counter. He. forgot to tell you that, while I was on one side of Counter, the judge was always on the other This reference to Judge Douglas’ well- known. infirmity set the audience howling, and / CT TTT UU LO ALOUD LLL coe cata Rectan mmainatinn This was a great asset in his speech-making cam- the story of the Illinoisan who was critically ill and warned to make up with his enemies. his worst cnemy, one a sentimental and touching scene of reconciliation, which brought tears to Brown's eyes. But at the end the sick man called out, “See here, Brown, if 1 should happen to get well, mind you, thing he tried. He had tried farming,” six g0."" Although the United States government apologized humbly to England after the Mason-Slidell incident, Lincoln remembered who was The sick man called in Brown, shook hands with him, and enjoyed the old grudge stands!” it was some time before enough quiet was re- stored so that Lincoln could go ahead with his set speech. pees the early part of the Civil War a scandal arose in the War Department and Lincoln was obliged to appoint a new secretary of war. Republican senators there- upon asked him to change his whole cabinet. of seven men. Lincoln replied as follows: “Gentlemen, your request for a change in the whole cabinet, because I have made one change, reminds me of a story I once heard in Illinois of a farmer who was much troubled by skunks. “They annoyed his household at night, and “his wife insisted that he take measures to get rid of them. one moonlight night he got his shotgun and went out to the yard to wait for the intruders. His wife, waiting in the house, presently heard the shotgun go off, and ip a moment her husband came in. She asked him what luck he had had. “IT hid behind the woodpile,’ he said, ‘with the gun pointed toward the hen roost, but be- fore long there appeared, not one skunk, but seven. I took aim and blazed away, killed samme een niateeel = Mri Mime . . . Lincoln's hearers promptly saw the point. point and retired. In the spring of 1864 Lincoln was at Gen. U. S. Grant's headquarters chatting with Grant and his staff officers. Mention was made of the famous Mason and Slidell capture aboard the ship Trent—an incident in which an Amer- ican warship had stopped an English vessel to remove two Confederate envoys and had, thereby, almost provoked a war with England. AEE had released the prisoners and + % apologized formally to England, and Lin- coln was explaining that although this was a bitter pill to swallow, he believed that after the war was over and the Union had triumphed, England could be called to account for all the embarrassments which she had caused the northern side. “T felt,” he said, “ta good deal like a sick man in Illinois, who was told he hadn't many days to live and that he ought to make his peace with any enemies he might have. “He said the man he hated worst was a fellow named Brown, in the next village, and he guessed he'd better begin on him. So Brown was sent for, and when he came the sick man, in a voice meek as Moses’, explained that he was a very sick man indeed and that he wanted to shake hands and forget his enmity. Jn a senatorigl campaign Judge Douglas announced his firm trust in Providence, Lincoln retorted he suspected Douglas’ confidence was much her. “She said,” Lincoln remarked, OMMNUAUNNUUUUTOCAREGTOOCNE CG TOT EE TTT ET HATA TATA TTT ‘oln, prince of American story-tellers. . . etching, made while Lincoln was in the door. Then the sick man rose up on one elbow and called: “But see here, Brown, if I should happen to get well, mind you, the old grudge stands!” “So L thought that if this nation should hap- pen to get well, we might want that old grudge against England to stand.” NOTHER Lincoln anecdote also relates to his political tangles with Douglas in Illinois. In one campaign, Douglas spoke of his confidence in Providence and Lincoln promptly predicted that the result of the cam- paign would considerably abate Douglas’ con- fidence both in Providence and in the people. “I suspect,” he said, “that that confidence is not more firmly fixed with the Judge than it was with the old woman whose horse ran away with her in the buggy. She said she ‘trusted in Providence till the britchen (breech- ing) broke, and then she didn’t know what on earth to do." ” One typical Lincoln story dates back to his days as a lawyer. He was defending a case of assault and battery, and had proved that the plaintiff had been the aggressor. The opposing counsel argued that the defendant might have protected himself without inflicting injuries. “That reminds me,” said Lincoln, “tof the man who was attacked by a farmer's dog, which he killed with a pitchfork. “*What made you kill my dog?’ asked the farmer. “What made him try to bite mc?’ retorted the offender. 6 like that of the old woman whose horse ran away with “that she trusted in Providence until the britchen (breeching) broke, and then she didn't know what on earth to do. “The scene got too pathetic for Brown, who had to get out his handkerchief and wipe the tears from his eyes. Pretty soon he melted, and gave his hand to his neighbor, and they had a regular love-feast of forgiveness. “After a parting that would have softened the heart of a grindstone, Brown got to the (Copyright, 1934, by KveryWeek Magazine.) AULA Bi YUE ULE IO Oy “*But why didn’t you go after him with the other end of the pitchfork?’ persisted the farmer. And the man promptly retorted: “Well, why didn’t he come at me with the other end?’ ” Fhe courtroom was swept with a gale of laughter, and Lincoln won his verdict. MUTTALUNALATL PM - A photograph of Thomas Johnson's famous dry point * oratory of the gentleman completely suspends | 2 2 = UUUFENIOQA0000 00S UUAGSU UA LAAN TTT, UTHTG White House. TPHERE is another story dating back to his days as a lawyer which is worth retelling. In one lawsuit, he was opposed by a lawyer who was a glib courtroom orator but a shallow thinker given to reckless and irresponsible state- ments. Lincoln proceeded to let the wind out of his sails in the following manner: “My friend on the other side,” he said. “is all right. or would be all right if it were net for a physico-mental peculiarity which I am about to explain. “His habit—of which you have, witnessed a very painful specimen in his argument to you in this case—of reckless assertion without grounds, need not be imputed to him as a moral fault or blemish. He can‘u help it. The all action of his mind. + “T never knew of but one thing which com- pared with my friend in this particular. That was a steamboat. Back in the days when I performed my part as a keel boatman, I made the acquaintance of a trifling little steamboat which used to bustle and puff and wheeze about in the Sangamon River. It had a five-foot boiler and a seven-foot whistle, and every time it whistled the boat stopped.” URING the Civil War Lincoln planned a trip to New York, and it was suggested that Robert W. Garrett, then president of the Baltimore and Ohio railroad, might be pleased to furnish a special train for him. Someone hinted, however, that Garrett was supposed to entertain sympathies for the southern cause and that he might refuse. Lincoln expressed complete confi- dence in his loyalty and ‘predicted that he would be glad to furnish a train. He added: “If 1 believed—which I don't— what they say about his ‘sesech” sympa- thies, IT might expect him to say what another railroad superintendent said to the son of one of my predecessors in this office. “Some two years after the death of President Harrison, the son of his suc- cessor wanted to take his father on an excursion to somewhere and ‘went to the railroad superintendent's office to ask for a special train. “The superintendent, a Whig of the most uncompromising type, who hated a Democrat more than anything else on earth, bluntly refused, remarking that his railroad was not running special trains for the president. x “The president's son was annoyed. He said, ‘Why, you have run special presidential trains, and I know it. Didn't you furnish a special train for the funeral of Pres- ident Harrison?” “**Certainly we did,” replied the superintend- ent, ‘and if you will only bring your father here in the same shape as President Harrison was, you shall have the best train on the road.’ ‘icc gy = = ‘sisinunasiueiaaie a Wu