The evening world. Newspaper, December 21, 1922, Page 24

wien ie { Evening By Bide Dudley Copyright, 1922 (New York Evening World) Press Publishing Company. “Dn MR. DUDLEY,” writes Ellabelle Mae Doolittle, the noted poetess of Delhi, “I got to thinking today about where all the meadow-larks go in the winter and I wrote a poem to them. Here it is—you may print it. Are you still suffering from indiges- non?” Oh, no, Miss Doolittle. We're well again. How are your hives? Here's the poem: The meadow-lark doth sing and bark, ee JOE’S CAR Up In The % Air & With Martin Green Copyright, Hy 1922 (New York Evening World), # Publishing Company. 66 AYBE," remarked the Pilot, M “if T can buy a ticket with- out haying to hock my shirt T can go to a show once ih a while under this new scheme of a central ticket office." “In all the discussion about the pro- posed central ticket office,” said the Observer, “one little matter*has been overlooked. That is how much money it will save the patrons of New York shows if it has public support. Proj- The whole day long at me, And to my ears it stills my fears, AS swoet as sweet could be, Its tones so epry do draw me nigh To Heaven, sure enough, If Noah's Ark hadn't of had a lark, For me this world, 'twere tough. My aister’s child, Teeney Ricketts, wild, Shot craps with Negro boys, Don't do it, Teeney, little queenie, Cut it out of your joys. But ah, the Jark—I hear it—hark! “Twee dee; cookley-poo; squeewee!" I thank Heaven strong for the dear lark’s song, "Tis meat and drink to me. OBSERVATIONS. Stanislaus Wojcichowski has been @lected President of Poland, Say it with sneezes! Manhattan truck driver has been arrested on a bigamy charge. Lucky at that! It might have been speed- ing. San Jose, Cal, has a policeman who patrols in an aeroplane. Fly cop, of course! Will H. Hays has pardoned Fatty Arbuckle. If Fatty will cut out his piethrowing, we'll pardon him, too. Reports now say the Hall-Mills murder mystery is solved. Rather pitiful how that case tries to get back on the front page, isn’t it? On the Street Car. Little Bill was on a car, The brake was firmly set, “Let me free the brake,” he said, “'Twilt be great fun, I bet.” Prom the brake he got a rap. Upon his cocoanut, Tittle Bill discovered in 'Tis seldom safe to butt. ' —Elsie. TELEPHONE LOVE. (What has gone before—Mary Dingle and her Chinese maid, Abba Dabba, go to Holly-, wood to cut up, but find it rather tame. ‘They board « train to leave and the walter im the dining-car charges them 87 for some Dolled exgs. robber appears and Abba recognizes in him an old lover from Kan- as, the Btate made famous by Bide Dudley, A dance follows with Mary fox-trotting with the Now to proceed!) Hector, the train conductor, and the society lady were doing ’ gome new steps in the fox trot when they suddenly stopped. “We're interfering with the | robbing of this train,” said Hec- » tor. } “Not at all! tango next.” It was the robber speaking. He held Mary in hie arms and was fox-trotting around very ‘We'll have a { | @racetally. | “I learned this trom a fellow | Bamed Fife,” he said. You see, ‘he was a talkative robber. Abba had danced with Fife and she immediately became fealous. | “Ob, slush!” she said. Mary was astounded. It was weird to hear @ girl like her Chinese maid talking that a'way. At that point, however, the car swayed and the robber stepped on Mary's foot. Well, sir, I wish you could have seen it. Mary stopped dancing and her thoughts went back to Gallagher's cafe where she had once been treated thus by a young man named Brown. “You are a slew-footed robber, aren't you?” sho asked sweetly. “Tootle, tootle!” It was the whistle. “We are now passing the Woolworth Building,” said the conductor, the old kidder. it all seemed so absurd. (To be continued.) THIS AND THAT. Christmas cards are coming in by the doven now. One that has at- tracted our attention is from Edgar Selwyn. On it he announces that— ‘Where was one thing he wanted to owe us ‘Twas something he’s sure that we need, 4n6 he wished us to have it for Xmas, ‘Alas that he didn’t succeed! The name an addrese of an honest (Asanes wouds 00 @ present, sndeed. and six night shows a week, the gross on each ticket, every minute, proves it. of miracles has returned and each broker adheres to the 60-cent advance rule and each sells his share of the dled by the box offices. the public pays $3,000,000 a year for ects which would save the public money do not always have public sup- port, especially in a theatrical com- munity where visitors want to see all the big hite, no matter what they cost, and resident wealthy patrons ot the theatre are as generous to their ticket brokers as they aro to their bi eRgera. “It is estimated that the brokers handle 25,000 seats every night of the season—or that the average at the end of a season will be 25,000 seats a night. If all were satisfied with their legitimate—or permitted—profit of 50 cents a ticket, their gross profits would amount to $12,500 a night. On a basis of forty weeks to the season XMAS ONLY COMES ONCE A WEAR -IF IT CAME “Wice ID BE IN “TH PooRHOUsE t profits would run up to $3,000,000 a year. “Only a few big brokerage houses live up to the rule of charging their patrons an advance of only 50 cents Many brokers follow the principle that a sucker is born and their experience assume that the day “But let us 25,000 seats a night that are not han- Mloeg ls MARY, WANT To EARN izi fe CENT TOWARD YOUR the privilege of patronizing brokers. “Unter the central ticket office plan the advance on each ticket would amount to only 40 cents. If the cen- tral ticket. oMfce handled all the tickets now sold by the brokers—the- oretically, 25,000 a night—the yearly gross profit would be only $600,000 and the public would have saved $2,400,000 which might be spent for something frivolous. “The central ticket office plan pro- vides for two headquarters, one in the Times Square district, the other In the financial district. At tho lowest calculation the rent would come to $125,000 a year. No one can tell just how much tho salary requirements would be. A smart and attentive quality of salesmanship would be re- quired from the ticket clerks. A guess at this expense would make It $125,000 a year. The cost of tele- phone service would be at least $50,- 000 a year. Ata rough estimate the cost of operation would reach about $300,000 a year, leaving a profit to be split among the producing man- agers or put into a surplus to pro- vide for leeway for further reducing the excess price of each ticket of $300,000 a year. “Now, here is the question: If, on an estimated basis of so many tickets sold at 10 oants advance we dig up a profit of $300,000 a year, what must the profit of the speculators and brokers be, even if they stick to the permitted advance of 50 cents a ticket?” “I see,” said the Pilot, “that the dry Governors who visited President Harding told him the only way to en- force the Volstead uct 1s to appro- priate more money and hire more en+ forcement agents.”’ “That policy," said the Observer, “followed to its logical conclusion would change the casual New York salutation ‘How's every little thing?! to ‘What kind of a Prohibition agent did they put in your home this week?""” THESE DoucAnurs WERSTERS WrHiLE A THEY “Re HoT We really don't want to, but we feel we must say that Edgar wrote the rhyme. However, we presume he’s pretty busy these days. “I understand,” said a man last night, “that you haven't a dining room set in your flat yet! Well, you're luck: “And why?” wo asked. “The dining room in the tonneau of the house. Know what I mean?” “I tonneau,” we replied, When he had recovered from the shock, he ox- plained to this extent: Ob, we do spring a nifty now and “The tonneau of my auto keeps] then, me broke. If the car had just one seat, I'd save a lot of money.” A Harlem small boy, who has been “Yes,” we replied, in our own in- visiting in the country, has written imitable manner, “and if you were] his father as follows: dead you'd save @ lot more.” Deer Popp—! em comin’ heam 6EEMS “To ME FORGOTTEN SUMP'N — WAS IT SOME IMPORTANT BUSINESS APPOINTMENT ? READ You MY Xmae LieT! NEW Doe 2 weit, TAKE RIGHT OVER To MRS ven THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21, t+! AND Now Pe Do Wou “THINK TVE heen aaah ANYONE £ No! x Don “THINK “You ‘Trade Mark Reg. U. 8. Pat. Off. FoRGcT ANYBODY FT sMeri’en of Ste tem Ti te '“BOVND TS AT “EM ON MY HEAD Like THE WaSHLADY YA CARRIES HE GEE! MABEL SAYS HER FELLOW 1 GOING To GIVE. HER A TAAMOND ENGA’ MENT RING (| ON CHRISTMAS } 4 WISH “TEDDY WOULD Do WAT! a-tHinK (LL DROP HIM A FEW HINTS AU CRISMUS “TONIGHT ¢ LiSSEN, Boss — oF CouRsE iT AIN'T ANY] [AN THAT Goes FoR EVERYBODY AT OF MY BUSINESS, BUT ‘ites ARE SO BAD THis YEAR THAT T THINK SOU Horte Too= EVEN YOUR WIFE AN’ Your SERVANT GIRL! ‘Trade Mark Reg. U. 8. Pat. Off. No MATTER WHAT rr cosTs! JEVER APPRECIATED WHAT A FINE CIRL KATINKA ‘S BEFORE ! SHE'S RIGHT Fo.Low HER ADVICE! The Tools Are Unimportant! Boy! WHAT LF SOME. CROOK “TRIED To swipe. MY “OLS AN “THINGS AN’ FOUND THIS IN HeRE — OH MAMA!!! —AND Nov ONLY “THAT — But < AM GOING To Give You A BEAUTIFUL PRESENT \F YOU GAVE ME A DIAMOND ENGAGEMENT RING FOR CHRISTMAS ¢ WHAT Do You MEAN 4 NO FUR COAT FoR ME ?} SINCE WHEN HAVE You Beco SUCH A STUFF, AND I'M GONNA) T PIKER AROUND THE Git IN THERE WHERE Y' BELONG '!!! Luke Gets It Both Ways PLease DONT HoNeY=— TX ANT FINISHED PAYIN’ WeT- FoR TH LAST CaS ee wae je e For THar New Doe Bvt Doesnr ro0w GONE ¢ A \ How T WonT GET 1 MY CENT 5 - Ep wiPinG BeRANDS. MAKING BEDS er. . MAING SHOOTS, BREAKAGE, DEG Sassy, LAYE To Scrtook CTC... Foe! Result ase oq | reese IN WELL You WOULDN'T HAVE A THING on ME ¢ 1922 (N.Y. Eve We et Even GUESS SHE DON'T, The UTTLE ScHEMER— IT Fireo HER THis EVENING! for Chrismus and will bring you fokes eum preeunts, Forr you | have gott a pet ratt that will run upp yer legg but not bite. Forr Mom | have gott a hoaree’s tale she cann use for faite hare on her hed, A ain't forgott the baybay Forr him } have gott a poterfyed tode. It will be fyne to outt his teath on. 1 was goin’ to bring Unkel Ike « snaike butt the farmir says nott to because it might eett him wylde eum night when drink- ta’e—Vure con, Whitt!" ‘Ye AND NOW PERMIT US To say that you can always make a staunch friend of a wo- man ff you will kiss her baby and agree with her about her enemies, . } <eelenckanies sh CONTAGIOUS HABIT. (Brom the Youngstown Telegram.) “You were late to work this morning, weren't you?” The fat plumber asked the question. “Yeah,” the thin carpenter replied, “slept in.” “But 3 thought you eald you hed a dog that wakes you up at a certals hour every morning.” “I still have the dog, but he doesn'l awaken me any more,” “Why not?” T guess he got tired of the job any now, when my wife sends him up in morning, he just crawls in with me 2, to sleep,”