The evening world. Newspaper, December 8, 1922, Page 40

gee NE day I bought a derby hat, My sister said: “Just look at that, It’s awful, I declare!” And so I got a crushed felt tile, My wife said: “Horrors!” with a smile, “Pop, give that lid the air.” All right! I went and bought a cap, My daughter said: “Gosh, what a yap! Dad, you're a sorry sight,” 1 locked myself up in my room, Oh, I was Mr. Fuller Gloom, And mad enough to fight. I thought it over one whole day, Then, to myself, said: “You're a jay, Why should you stand for this? The head you're fitting is your You act as though ‘twere solid bone, Go face that gang and hiss,” And so | said to all my kin: “Go on and roar; go on and grin, I'll wear what | think best.” In spite of that I'll have to say As yet I haven’t had my way. Aren't relatives a pest? OBSERVATIONS. Kid McCoy is bankrupt. You can't marry eight times and keep out of debt. Patrolman Bock seized a lot of What fond mem- beer yesterday. ories the foregoing brings up! Nancy France is teaching the Coue Coue is teach- idea at Wellsville. ing it at Nancy, France. Pee Wee Walker fs to fight Johnny Curtain soon and the fact has caused Oscar Sillibus to ask: “Will Walker Grop the Curtain?” Bishop Mosler of the Philippines gays the Moros should be educated. Borry, Bishop, but we can’t touch the job until the Christmas rush is over. Who's Looney Now? A curtous girl named Miss Weil, Once wanted to hear a pig squeal. She pinched the pig's tail And it let out a wail. “Delightful, indeed,” said Miss Weil. TELEPHONE LOVE. Dingle, a telephone » (Bynopsie—Mary \\\ ggerater, decides to enjoy ‘fe. She and \\ber Chi maid, Abba Dabba, go to ‘muich to interest them some beans. " \RSes acsaner Was Tse athTisod and bes hoe ly Seandaious things out there al In Hollywood a man with his hair ted in the mi ‘die gets fresh with does not tell him that Ber srandtather suffered six years with “I would not insult you, lady.” ‘Thus spoke the man with his Bair parted in the middle as he made a curtsoy. “Aw, you would too!” You see, Mary did not believe Bim. Her long experience at the switchboard had taught her to trust no man. “I'm very fond of you, young lady!” The man thus told Mary he ‘was fond of her. Abba Dabba began to Jump up and down. Her Chinese blood was boiling. “Das man bane picture di- rector,” she said. Mary could have kissed Abba Dabba for that. Here been wondering what so fellow he was, and Abba had guessed it. Mary addressed the stranger. “Now,” she sald, “I feel friend- ly toward you.” With that she smashed him in the nose and laughed gir! “Is your family well?’ asked. Abba feared this man might own a film and she did not want Mary to worry a big bug. “vot you say ve go to der hotel?” suggested the Chinese lassie. Just then a Grand Opera singer arrived with a bale of hay. It all seemed to absurd. (To be continued.) she THIS AND THAT. J. M. H. bas lost his girl and he | The Evening World Comics | ay a Real Laugh Boys That Did Well By Neal O'Hara. ress Publishing Co. of famous juvenile heroes. Lit- tle Lord Fauntleroy. Dike and Stalled off Flood. they hop off to college? Or did they take up violin lessons and become vil- lage pests? They did neither for both nor all three. Listen! Little Lord Fauntleroy led « miser- able juvenile life. He had as much chance of being a real kid as Steve Brodie did of not getting wet. But after mamma got rheumatism and lost her specs Little Fauntey tossed neckties and velvet pants into nearest service station of Salvation Army. He wanted to be a tough guy for once. And kind Nature smiled at his wish. Little Fauntey jumped into a mean set of rags. Then he bought himself set of phony dice and some very strong chewing tobacco. Got in with a hard gang right away and forgot those drawing-room capers. A. couple of Old Farmers’ Almanacs came and went and the gang went in for burglary. Prosperity came loping along. Every night, in every way, they kept getting better and better. But did Fauntey fall for checked caps and silk shirts with purple stripes? Nix! The tougher he got the rougher he decked himself. Headquarters snapped out of its sleep- ing sickness. When cops threw torn nets into heavy crime waves, Fauntey was al- ways poor fish that got caught. On account of yegg duds he always wore, he did three or four stretches for gang up the river. Then gradually it dawned on our little hero that clothes! make large difference in legal entan- glements. So after fourth term he went back to neat pants, to horn-rim glasses and swagger frock coat. It worked immense. Now Fauntey is ultra- high-yrade crook. Faultless in rai- ment and neat with the tongue, he is chief pump in elegant bucket shop. And prosperous! Proving, after all, that blood will tell if you mix it with enough water. Boy that Stood on Burning Deck was blistered good and plenty. When war cut loose he was inside draft age. “I would like to join the navy,” he hissed to himself, ‘‘but those steel decks don't fool me any. They get hot like the wood one I danced on in youth. And blistered feet are as bad as cold ones!"” “‘However,"’ he stated to reporters, “I shall do my patriotic duty and fur- nish wooden ships to burn at sea so other boys can be heroes.’ So he got healthy contract from Shipping Board and it looks like he'll live happily ever after. Boy that hollered “Wolf!” too often found folks would slip him deaf ear. He tried yelling, ‘Help!’ Police!"’ with same results. Leaping from youth to manhood, he yelped, “My corrupt opponent," “‘T: and “Rights of the Pee-pul.”” So they elected him to Congress and now when he screams nobody pays any attention to him, either, Peter, the Boy that Shoved Hand in Dike and stopped it from flooding Holland, came over here to be reve- nue cop, Last summer, while pass- ing highbell warehouse, he smelled contraband whiff of hooch. The gang was frisking rye from the hoosegow! Flashing bis revenue badge, Peter put his hand on the leak. Some one shoved $1,000 bill in other hand and Peter sneaked glance at it. ‘Aw, shucks," said Pete, “I can't wait here all night plugging up this leak Go to it, boys—let’s have the city flooded."* Now they're robbing the pols to pay was leading a mule when he met an- other girl, and she asked me to go home. Since then she's been cool. Why, do you suppose?” What reader can explain this for J. M. H.? The average person takes pleasure in calling attention to mistakes in spelling or grammar in the wording of signs. They find it hard to resist the temptation to display their knowledge. “Every now and then,” said a ‘writes us to see if we can explain it.| Broadway haberdasher yesterday, “I “I was calling on her the other | fix night,” says his letter, “and was telling her about being out in the] people drop in to point out the mis- country. I told her of a man whojtake. up a window sign misspelled word in it i Coprrteht, 1908 (Now York Evening World), N song and rumor you have heard Boy that Stood on the Burning Deck. Boy that Cried “Wolf!” Peter that Plupped up ‘What- ever became of those boys, anyway? Did they leap into vaudeville? Did them. AND NOW PERMIT US BOSTON LANGUAGE. “Your illuminator, I say, 18 shroud-] ‘The transversal ether osetllations sell them something. And I make altral vicinity dropped the pen and| to announce that a Harlem read- was evening. A. stranger ap-|€d in unmitigated oblivion." In your incandescenser have been dix» sale at least one time out of three.” | sald: er has notified us that the differ- ] proached the motorist “But, really, I don't quite continued with a Dozens of I act surprised and thank|day a man who had just registered |tween now and Saturday.” ‘Trade Mark Reg. U. 8. Pat. Off. And the Chicken May Be Tough at That ! } ~an' THey's sure BE A LOT OF EXTRAS — SHIRT, SocKs, SHOES —'LL HAFTA SHINE OUT LIKE A FOURTH OF JULY set PIECE! MY NEW FULL DRESS RIG (5 GONNA SET ME Back #125 —! WE'VE GOT NO LICENSE T'BE. MONKEYIN' AROUND WITH A MILLIONAIRE ! te t Had ANY BRAns I'D oF “WRNED DOWN SHRIVVEL's INVITATION “To DINNER ! BLANCHE. Wht BLOW AT LEAST 46150 ONA NEW GOWN Gos t! WELL — THIS MEAL 1S GONNA STANP ME IN ABOUT THREE. DRED BUCKS "! THE BIG LITTLE FAMILY More Than Harsh Words Passed Between Them ! ; AFTER Seen’ CASEY 15 Dust, “Nou- KNow ACK FR arena en one. Casey must oneseroanes cr POMS I Caaine ae "~. Be Good ! WARTAG See “oD Be KITCHEN Tasie! ADIVBED Lit “To SURPRISED! . ieee a THE ScoRE, MARY- THever THoucnt [YF Yesty HAVING Maey EARN WILL MARY Yes, BuT You The ’MoNKyY FoR A NEW Dac. ; or THar- AND you'RE {wre I 2 Sie GETS A CENT EVERY Time EAS anerecy, SHE HAS BRoKed (Y ELEVEN | EVER cer GET THOT Ste ves THE Distes, MAKES j| | PLATE SHE Taree Piates CENTS ever Doce oR Nor? SHER BED of DoEs an ERRAND/| | BeEaKs — iN Sear y BEHIND? ( | Har el ie. FIFTEEN Cenrs /|.° oe b 2 ; — SHE's eaewed ( Four THE ~ScorE cre pear DRYING DisHEes. St MAKING RED — as BREAKING 3 Prares — Resuxt NE IN DRBT CONTINGED Ta morRo w | (mia HAVE KNOWN BETTER THAN Pod [ we we've MISSED THE, “To TRY Yo “TAKE HER ANYPLACE ON THE “$j | TRAIN | You'RE FIFTEEN “TRAIN! SHE WAS NEVER ON TIME INHER}, MINUTES LATE! 5- \ ox OW} WELL ,\T MIGHT HAVE BE — ZZ L HATE To TALK To A WOMAN: Boss — THEY'RE ALL So UNREASONABLE ! I THOUGHT A SMART MAN Like You, WHO HAS MADE SUCH A BIG MARK IN THE BUSINESS WoRLD WOULD BE BROAD-MINDED ENOUGH To SEE_THAT A GIRL CAN'T GET 2 UGS ALONG ON $YO PER a THESE Days- WO THANKS FoR THE IDEA, FERDIE — THE OLD MAN SWALLOWED. IT HOOK = § LINE AN’ SINKER ! \ leg I HAVE NoTHING To Do WITH PAYIN’ THE MAID — Tet YouR TROUBLES To THe MRS! -AN' T'D LIKE To HAVE MORE You'RE RIGHT, GAL ~ I'M GONNA SEE To IT THAT YOu GET ENDING ‘OH, MR.GESSITT- You'RE SO FAIR-MINDED! el ence between the gas man and e effulgence of your irradiator a little bird is, one lays bis pipe and the other pipes bis lay. Just then a boy shouted “Hi, mister, your lamp's gorm out,'* —Boston Post, “What floor is your bathtub on, You may not believe it, nut yester- +: Mister? * said he, ‘your beacon has has evanesced."’ “My dear fellow, 1''—~ ceased “sir? I've got to clean up be- Then I get busy and try tojat a large hotel in the Grand Cen- s function," tan calla inmate nd —<—