The evening world. Newspaper, November 18, 1922, Page 15

One Partner Is Con- vinced That It Is Wise to Make Aris- tocrats of Some of Our Politicians. igh Honors Proposed for Some Represen- tative Americans in Political Life and in the Industries. By Montague Glass. igs | SEEN Elias Kugelmann in his twin eight limousine this morning, Mawruss, and how that feller has developed since he made a couple of million dollars out of the Kugelmann U n swallowable Safety Pin or whatever he calls it, y’under- stand, you wouldn't believe at all,” Abe Pat- ‘ash said to his tner Morris Perlmutter, “which can remember a few years back when if a business man rated at more than ten to fifteen thousand dollars credit fair would say ‘Good morning to Kugelmann he would turn red in the face and get all choked up over the idea that an aristocrat like that should notice bit at all. pe “Garment manufacturers bought THE EVENING WORLD'S ALLE “A tions on noblemen’s supplies from turers.” igneramus elected Earl of Bronx t! Trom the Twenty-third Assembly an Earl is practically harmless ladies and manicurists.” “A member of the House of five dollars worth of dress fasten- ers from him simply because, on account of the way he looked and acted, they didn't want to have his suicide on their consciences, y’un- derstand, and in fact, Mawruss, he could have sat for a picture of a Greek refugee who had just missed the last American destroyer—two days’ growth of whiskers and ev- erything. But to-day yet, Mawress he give me such a cold look when he seen me, that if | hadn't such a good memory for faces, y'under- stand, the least | would have sus- pected him of being would be Otto Kahn.” “Well, Abe,’ Morris commented, “I seen it in the papers where the President of a university makes o speech and says that the finish of America democracy, y'under- stand, is only a matter of settling the terms of the reorganization, so that in a few years we would have an aristocracy the same like in England, where if a feller makes a hit in the soap business at 2156, 2158 and 2160 South Ludlow Street, corner of Am- merman Avenuc, Wigan, Lancashire, Tre OLP E_VELSH Bieck HOUSE_ \ From Vancouver, B. to Seattle, U. S. A. CHAPTER XXXIII. Good Ship Makebelleve glided gracefully into the Strait of Juan de Fuca. The island of Vancou ver lay on her port side and the State of Washington on her starboard, rival ing each other in beauty of scenery. Always loyal to their own country, Alice and Jamo liked the forest cov ered hills of the Evergreen Sta better, also the lovely tslands, San Juan at the head of the Strait Cc, of Juan de Fuca where its waters meet those of Puget Sound. At San Juan Island the Good Ship Makebelieve made its first stop after wetting sail from Alaska And here the children saw the quaint old Kn gligh Block House which still stand asa relic of « rous days when the boundary between the United state and British Colun in dispute The oundary row ture north th the cours: of Haro Strait, The in Juan Islands ure within our bor- ers. On these island huge sainion fisheries. Alice and Jamie saw the Bralling traps where thousands on thousands of salmon are caught from spring to fall. They saw the canner les where the fish are cooked and canned and shipped to ail parts of the world, “Ll wish the salmon season were on now,"’ said Jumic, who was always most interested in the machinery of things and wanted ee tt go, “T wish that too,’ Alice seconded “It's hard to imagine what the in dustry ia like now with no one about and not a fish in sight." “All aboard for Seattl erfed the Pirate suddenly. ‘There's no use staying wishing here. But maybe you want to wait for the spring fisheries.”’ fot I," laughed Jamie “Nor 1 joined Alice, as they mbled abourd and continued dows Sound. ound a Kreat inland sea on islands dotting und irreg D intrica it, Its lovely Witdren that exclamations with man blue waters nlets making line r bays and out lacy seener ® great many people take the President of @ university seriously, tt wouldn't surprise me in the least if a number of millionaires is already “I, for one, would a whole lot sooner see against the House of Commons till he gets voters’ cramp or something, and the House of Commons THE EVENI AN AMERICAN ARISTOCRACY? way.” vetting quota- London manuface | citizens wuold get why not promote them to be Earls and Dukes and make them work for their titles!” han Assemblyman District, because except to chorus “One of the hest ways I know of to bar profes- Lords can vote |sional politicians y'understand, the King gives him his cholee of becoming the Earl of Lud- low, Baron Ammerman, Lord Wigan or the Duke of Lancashire." “But Kugelmano’s factory is on East 139th Street in the Bronx, Maw- russ," Abe protested,” ‘‘and as there iy anyhow six successful manufac- turera in business on 139th Street, there's bound to be a lot of dupli- cates in the American aristocracy, if what this here President of uni+ versity says is true, Mawrus: KUGELMANN AS EARL OF BRONX. “It's true that he sald it, even if what he said ain't true,"’ Morris re- torted, ‘and as a great many people take the President of @ university ser- tously, especially when he is making a fool of himself, Abe, It wouldn't surprise me ip the least if a number of millionaires ts already getting quotations on noblenmren’s supplies trom the London manufacturers.’’ “But what good did this here col- lege Preaident think an aristocracy would do to America outside of hotel proprietors being able to soak such an aristocrat a ten-dollar rate for a five- dollar room?'’ Abe asked. I don't know what the college President thinks, Abe, but to my mind Capt. George Vancouver, the first white man to explore Puget Sound, (May 19, 1792), said then that tt needed only the homes of men to make this the most beautiful land on h. Since then men have come: aye built and prospered on the shores of the Mediterranean of North- western United State: Cities and towns and smaller set tlements fri the Sound, Its bays und river. Then comes ttle ‘Is this 1t?"? Jamie questioned. Was this bustling town with Its ships and wharves, tall buildings, street rail- ways and crowds, was {t really Amer- city? He could fea’s newest big y belie t has grown used to both te newness and bigneas,"’ Alice thought, “Why, Seattle is quite like many other elties old enough to be ts mother,”” { want to see the fame a) Jamie a You'll find it Moneer Pla netion of Wirst Aven very Totem Vole before simply laughs in his face and passes the law any- “Millionaires in this country gets away with a whole lot of things in the divorce line that ordinary “During the busy season some Earls and Dukes lays more cornerstones in England than a union stone mason in good standing lays in America during the course of his whole working life.” Lords, Dukes and Earls of them and set them to work Jaying cornerstones.” NG WHY NOT? Tun out of town on a rail for, So from office would be to make RS T would a whole lot sooner sea a millionaire elected a Duke or an Har! than a United States Senator or # Unjted States President," Morris said. “Which there seems to be an im- Pression among a whole lot of people that just because manufacturer makes a few millions out of a patent safety pin or a patent automobile, Abe, right away he becomes a states- man, a philosopher and a financier. And a6 a general thing, Abe, the mil- Honaire agrees with them down to the sround, y'understand, So, therefore, Abe, I for one would a whole lot sooner see an ignoramus like Elias Kugelmann elected Earl of Bront than Assemblyman for the 234 Assem- bly District of the Bronx, because an Warl is practically harmless except to chorus ladies and manicurists, whereas even an Assemblyman can help pass some pretty rotten laws, especially if he thinks that being a millionaire puts him above the rest of his fellow citt- zens who ain't millionaires."* “But over in England when they make a millionaire liver pill manu- facturer a lord, Mawruss, he becomes right away a member of the House of Lords, which I understand is th me like the United States Senate," Abe observed, “Then you understand wrong, Abe," WORLD, SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 1922. Morris said. ‘A member of the House of Lords can vote against the House of Commons till he gets voters camip or something, and the House of Commons simply laughs in hia face and passes the law anyway. In fact, Abe, the House of Lords is simply 4 London Club for retired millionaire manufacturers, in which the King of England and his Prime Minister ar the Membership Committee and they seo to it that before anybody gets im “he puts up a big contribution to the funds of one of the political parties as initiation fee and first annual dies, y’understand,"* YOU MIGHT EXCUSE IT IN A LORD. “Well, for my part, Mawrums, 1 would sooner see no Earls and Dukes in this country,’ Abo remarked. “Why not?” Morris sald. ‘Over In Wngland everybody discounts or ex- cuses anything that an Earl or Duke says or does on account of his being an Earl or Duke, y'understand, and it we had an aristocracy over here, Abe, we might do that, too, whereas to-day, Abe, if 4 millionaire autommbile man- ufacturer says or does something. everybody pays attention to it and thinks It must be great stuff simply because the millionaire automobile manufacturer Invented and marketed successfully a popular price automo- bile.” Say!"' Abe exclaimed, “Our mil- lionaires has got swelled headwenou: without we should make them Earls and Dukes, Mawruss, which I ain't forgotten yet when I was a young feller in Russland, how an aristoci didn't have to be no more than a Baron to think that he could get away with a whole lot of things that an ordinary peasant would have been banged for already.” “For that matter, Abe, millionaires in this country gets away with a whole lot of things in the divoree line that ordinary citizens would get run out of town on a rail for,’’ Morris said. “So why not promote them to be Earls and Dukes and make them work for their titles?’* “And what work doe: that a millionaire don’ quired. “Well, for one thing, Harls and Dukes lays all the cornerstones and opens all the exhibitions, automobile shows and electrical shows of In land, Abe," Morris explained. ‘‘In fact, during the busy season, Al», Earl do Abe in- WESLEY BARRY’! LITTLE CHUNKS OF wispoM. “HOBOINQ”’ HEY say that there is a new kind T of hobo nowadays. What is a hobo?” you ask, kiddies, He 1s Just @ person who won't do honest work to support himself. But to go back to the new kind of hobo—he is known as the automobile hobo. He gets possession of some vld car—usually a “tin Lizzle’'—and drives like @ king into byways wheré the old kind of hobo who tramped or sneaked rides on a freight train never got. Of course, the only part of this story that 1s hobo is Wes Barry, and Niles Welch sleeping in the hay. It happened this way: Wes and Niles had gone to hunt Squeeze-scum-squeezes—in a Ford— and they were returning home, when all of @ sudden their machine came to ® sudden stop, with a jar that sent Wes's head g'smash against the top of the cover. They tugged and turned at the crank, but the oar never budged. They lifted up the lid and worked over the spark plug—tried, tried again, but the old car stuck Then they looked in the tank, and the riddle was solved—they were out of was. Being ten miles from nowhere, they looked around and found @ deserted barn. Bo Wes and Niles decided t try the hay for a night—Wes liked it P. S.—Never hunt for squeez: scum -squeezes—they like gasoline bet ter'n water, Wes. with figures of birds and beasts and also with queer faces “What are they supposed to mean ! Allee wanted to know. “Shull woe Msten to what those men are saying Perhaps we'll find out that way.’' Alice, Jamie and tho Pirate strain ed their ears without catching a word that they could understand. These men were not speaking that was certain, Nor did th lsh words #¢ unit like French. Their governess alway spoke French to Alice and Jamie Finally, “They're talking Esperanto,’ the trate informed the children. “What country are they from Jamie inquired “From the U. S. A," the Ptrate replied “Then what language is Esperan to? Jamie insisted. called th Th in § “it 4 language people attle who have maste is newest of all language fitting 4 THE PUMPKIN MAN. Pumpkin Man, Pumpkin Man, Where are you a-roaming With your two great eyes A-glowing in the gloaming? The pumpkin faces seem to thin) It is a merry joke To join with ghostly things and scare All kinds of pleasant folk. One night when I was very small I had @ dreadful scare; ‘Twas something all in white that looked Right {nto the window there. It had a head all lighted up, Its eyes and mouth and nose Looked as if fire was coming out— And what do you suppose? Next morning in the yard I found A pumpkin on a stick wrapped In a sheet, I might have guessed It was Brother Tommy’s trick. Pumpkin Man, Pumpkin Man, Won't you close your eyes? Instead of scaring little girls You'd make such lovely pies. By Mildred A. Barry, age thirteen A REB LETTER. October Cont Award Winner Thirteen-Year Cla. “This ts the second Rebus Letter at T have written for The Etveniog World Kiddle Klub.” By SYLVIA HAGGAND®R NOVEMBER CONTE6T. Subject: “Christmas Time in Our House.” en awards of $1 each will be given tho ten Kiddie Klub members aged n six to fifteen inclusive who write he best essays on “Christmas Time Our Home." HOW TO JOIN THE KLUB. CUT OUT THI8 COUPON Beginning with number, out out six COUPON 1,017. “SOME PEOPLE WOULD LIKE TO BEE THEM POLITICIANS BREAKING STONES INSTEAD OF LAYING THEM, MAWRUSS.” some Earls and, Dukes lays more cor- merstones in Mngland than @ wii stone mason !n good standing with his current month's card and all gues pald lays in America during” the course of his whole working life.” “That's a, fine fob for a retired mi!- fonaire, laying cornerstones!" Abe ob- served. IENRY, DUKE OF DETROIT.” “Well, it anyhow keeps him out of something, not only would a lot of seandai have been done away with, Abe, but Instead of Mr. Ford making speeches about upsetting the currency and getting support from a lot of peo- ple who would agree to anything any millionaire said, y"understand, he would now be busy opening exhibitions for others instead of making one of limnelf."* You can't change the disposition mischief,” Morris said. ‘Take Mr. of a millionaire, Mawruss, simply by Ford and Mr. Newberry, for instance, making him a Duke or an Earl,” Abo and if when them two millionatres said run ‘tor the United States Senate ‘Maybe not, Abe,’ Morris repli Prosient Wilson would have appoint- ed Mr. Ford Duke of Detroit and Mr. Newberry Earl of Belle Isle Park or “However, Abe, when this here col- lege President and myself talk about an aristocracy in America, we ure els were woll shaken out and c end of his tall showed snowy OLLYKIN went into the woodlan) ear tts P to see what progress M whi ‘ature was making w Much as she hated to, Pollykin ad children's new fur coats. Vo mitted that Tip Tail was a beautiful found that she had almost fir 1 animal. “But only to look at. In them, and that thelr winter garments « the nature m, is not bea became the little creat 1 t a bit 1 Pollykin em B khteyes, Hobbity tail ' several of his children, and even 7 Paper Polly Jed hy some Tail Fox looked Just fne i pelt was thick, It looked brust ily Brighteyes is on her shoulder ELEANOR SCHORER thinking of the way the rest of the American people would act towards an aristocracy. But whereas he ex- peote that they would look up to au aristocresy, 1 know that they would look down. There's several million aires and prominent citizens in thir country, Abe, which I don’t lke and the rest of the country do, y’under- stand, and nothing would sult me bet- ter than to see them all made Dukes and Earls to-morrow even, so that I could swing the rest of the country to feeling about them the way I do. “Take the present Mayors of New York and Chicago, Abe, and If they would have been made Duke of Man- hattan and Lord Cook, a fow days be- fore their last election, y'understand, they would stood just as much ¢hance of being elected in the City Hall as I would to the Board of Trustees of Harvard College. HOW ABOUT A MILLIONAIRES’ REVOLUTION, “In fact, Abe, outside of million- aires, there's only two people in this country that I feel sure is in favor of an aristocracy, and that is the Pre dent of this here college and myself, so therefore one of the best ways [ know of to bar professional politicians from office, y'understand, would be to make Lords, Dukes and Haris of them and set them to work laying corner stones."* “Some people would Iike to ses them politicians set to work breaking stones Instead of laying them, Maw- russ,"’ Abe said, “And I suppose that Mr, Harding would be much relieved if he could make Mr. La Follette Crown Princo of Milwaukee or some- . thing—in case this here American ar- istocracy could be pulled off beforo Congress gets together again.” “I don’t see much chance of ft," Morris said, *‘on account I dowbt if an aristocracy could be put over against popular opinion by ay consii- tutional amendment, Abe, so the only other way to do it would be by o revolution."* “And who Is going to run the revo- lution, Mawruss?’* Aba inquired. “You and this here college Presi- dent?’ “Well, wo would probably havo the assistance of Elias Kugelmann and a lot of other millionatres,”” Mor- ris concluded. “Except that In tho majority of revolutions that I know ; anything about, Abe, being a miilion- aire don't get you nothing. (Copyright, 1022, by the Bell Syndicate, Inc.) CONDUCTED BY How to Make a Polly- kin and Her Pets Stand. back. th the dotted lines and. paste the braces in the middle of paper and ber paper pets. ‘COUSIN ELEANOR, of the Poltykin »—S NII -G2p4104a-NOo - An08 yweovevyevyeveye a Though Mother Nature has grown his coat thick and warm, nothing will re- place the ens of his tail which Tip Tail bit off when Billy Brighteyes was a wee but clev youngster. Bobbiiy Lobt of his many ehil- en « around Pollykin for pi teetlon a Mr. Tip Tail Fox, wha fi tance Neking his when Polly. Aud thea-—whe uster knows?