The evening world. Newspaper, September 13, 1922, Page 28

cote Seen ates eT TIO PTET TE ae RTT. 6 © NP NOLOODO ys SAR OWN POPULAR DONGS ‘A maiden fair, once took a chair In Hooley’s eating place. A youth came by and caught her eye, Me smiled smack in her face. Baid she: “Why, Pete, come rest your feet, Stt down some time to kill; YN order you an oyster stew, And you may pay the bill. i I'll take some beefsteak pie; 4 At that the youth did cry: Chorus. “I wotilld not eat an oyster stew Though you, my dear, insist; 1 would not eat an oyster stew Though you sat there and hissed; 1} would not eat an oyster stew Though you declared 1t treason; J would not eat an oyster stew, For oysters ain’t in season.” Verse 2. he maid arose and tapped his nose Quite deftly with her right; One eye she blacked, his skull she cracked, She bit his ear for spite. Said he: “Tut, tut! nut! I'm feeling pretty blue.” But she replied: “Get up, snide, Ease up, you you And eat an oyster stew.” While lying on the floor, The youth to her did roar Chorus, &c. If Kipling said it he’s a bigger f than you are, Gunda Dhin. A big washout was reported on the Burlington Railroad Monday. How- ever, as Monday is wash day, un, doubtedly there were numerous washes out. In pronouncing the name of David Kapehokohoakimokeweonah, the postmaster at Keokea, Hawaii, accent the first, third, fifth, ninth and eleventh sylables, TAXICAB TESSIE (He loved her, but she came from Brooklyn.—Botta.) Jimtown was very proud of its cemetery. Buried in it were seven of the Kippleheimers and three Smooches, Their ancestors had come to America in the Cauliflower, a sister ship of the Mayflower, and several of them had died of natural causes, (Tessie ofien went for a stroll in the cemetery, because there she could reflect without interrup- tion by jazz bands. Thus it was that Sunday afternoon found her in the Jimtown cemetery, wear- ing a split skirt, the latest crea- tion from Paris, Tex. Tessie stopped before the stave of Alonzo Kipplehelmer. As she did so @ bee lit on her neck. “On, sting?” Bhe had just spoken this quo- tation from Kingsley, the Keith death, where is thy POEMS OF PREFERENCE, D) Lampton B. Porter of Springfield, Mass., is today’s entry In the race for the bottle of mange cure offered a the prize in this contest. He wants the cure for his grandmother, who has been poorly for some time. His poem, about the girl he would marry, follows: The girt I wed must never shimmy, Vor the habit called “The have Gimme; Her teeth must all be very sound, Her head must not be square but round : She must sew buttons on my shirt, And not with city feliows flirt. When I can find this homey mise I'll give to her—ah, me!—a kas. agent, when {t happened. zzy. buzzy!" je slapped her neck and knocked herself out. As she lay on the ground a dark form came around q tombstone. It was Toady Allen, the hand some yeRg. Lifting Tessie off the marble slab on which she had fallen, he noticed that she had “sacred to the memory of Marvin Paley her back. Tessie opened her eyes ‘Why, Tessie,” sald Toady, “something must of happened.” “Ah, Toady! To think should be reunited in a grave- yard.” Just then a bear was seen com- ing down the lane. Toady was all afright, but not so with the lovely girl. Rushing up to the on we bear she yanked off his false whiskers, It proved to be Heywood Broun. ‘Oh, you rascal! siniling. Apparently she wantcc to flirt. It all seemed so absurd (To Be Continued.) said Tessie, THIS AND THAT, We met Ben Greenhut last night Ben was with D. M. Shirk of the Philadelphia Inquirer, and they were walking hand in hand along 42d Street. We noticed this and asked the reason. “We're going to cross the street pretty soon,” explained Ben, “and 1 don’t want him to get hurt. He's from Philadelphia, you know.” At the dinner given by the N. V. A. to its new President, Fred Stone, the other night, Will Rogers told some inside dope on the early life of Mar- cus Loew. “You know,” sald Will, “Markie used to be in the fur business. He ran the business all alone with the ald of a big black cat. Every morn- ing Markie would tell Tom to go out and get busy, and Tom would obey. By 3 P. M. the cat would return, fol- lowed by anywhere from ten to fifty other cats. Markie would get them in the store and that would be their end. He sold so many ‘seal skins’ as a result of Tom's faithfulness that he was able to buy a motion picture house. And now look at the darned thing.” AND NOW PERMIT US To suggest that absence makes the heart grow fonder—of ab- Bence, HE Messrs. Shubert have placed Percival Knight, entitled “Thin Ice.” Mr. Knight will act in it, as will Gilda Leary, Felix Krembs, H. Dud- ley Hawley, C. Henry Gordon and T. Tamamoto, The play will open in New London on Sept. POR TRUE LOVE'S SAKE. Nora Bayes, through a local florist, has sent two dozen A ican Beauty roses to Mathilde McCormick, “some- where in Switzerland.” “I intend,” eaid Miss Bayes last Might, “these beautiful flowers, grown An her native soil, to reach this won- derful girl as a sign that American women are inspired by her sacrifices fer true love.” Now, now, Nora! hat way? How d'ye get MOLLY AND MORE MOLLYS. There is a Molly matinee on at the WUberty Theatre to-day. Moore & Megley, proprietors of “Molly, Dar- ling,” are entertaining as guests a jot ot Mollys, The only Molly we know of who isn’t there is Molly Coddle. A 8HU SPECIAL, AGhubert special train, made up of cars, is leaving New York over the Pennsylvania today for the big Bhu- About Plays and Players are Al Jolson and his “Bombo” troupe, en route to Chicago; “The Midnight Rounders," headed for st Louis, and “The Whirl of New York,” which 1s going to Omaha, Mr, Jolson has a private car called “Olympia.” Style certainly has hog-tled that Jol- gon boy, In the train also will be eight sleepers and two diners, Sinc« the special will carry no outside pas- sengers, it will merely bow to a num ber of our proudest towns and cities as it speeds along. A NEW SELWYN THEATRE. Crosby Gaige has gone to Chicago to make final plans for opening the new Selwyn Theatre in that city Mon- day night with ‘'The Circle." Selwyn will join him Saturday SOLDIERS TO SEE IT, The Minsky Brothers do not intend to open their musical revue at the Park Music Hall “cold” Friday night They have invited 600 disabled soldiers to see @ special performance Thursday night. It's a good idea, Gossip. James Duffy has a new son. Mother and son doing well; father will re- cover. Margalo Gillmore has retu/ned to the cast of “He Who Gets & ipped.” “The Cat and the O.4..” will 6 ‘ { JOE’S CAR ‘aes a TT oe Sr eese LOOKIN’ MAN Havin PROVED To HIS SATISFACTION THAT PHIL FERRET THE DETECTWE_ IS A QUINCE , Joe ORDERS Him To KEEP OUT OF “THE. ; CASE ~ AND ts Now CONFRONTED BY A NEW AND UNEXPECTED COMPLICATION VHICH THREATENS TO UPSET ALL HIS PLANS FoR SOLVING THE. MYSTERY ? Ye af f Tie) ae Apout MY CAR ~? SHow HIM IN, & ! ~ | Feuix ‘J 47 AXNTH FIRM ACROSS TH’ HALL fan ADVERTISCIN OR A*HANDY MAN" WHO WISHES To MAKE SOME EXTRA MONEY WORKIN’ SHRS EACH Mant p OU a “aM |__Copr. 1922 (N. Y. Eve, World) By Press Pub. Co. Boss — They’s @ FUNNY | our THERE | WANTS “T'SEE YA ABONT &F car! ‘are sl ( cAR ~+!! ¢ 2 jealoniai — VYES SiR ~ IM A CENTRAL OFFICE PETECTIVE AND 1 REGRET To INFORM YOU “THAT YOU ARE. DRIVING. A STOLEN You ARE No DouBT ASTONISHED ~ BuT IT 15 A Fact Trade Mark Reg. U. 8. Pat. off. Trade Mark Reg WHY es - mM LookiNG ‘\ WELL siRE FoR ATHANDY | xm Your Man's f man ¢ pl OF course 1% ~~ \ You “His! HEH -HEN -HEH —1VE BEEN “TRACING “THAT CAR SEVERAL WEEKS 4ND FIND IT IN YOUR GARAGE — HEH~HEH = -- NOW YOU ARE NOT “To BLAME --HAH~HAH — BUT You BOUGHT “TWAT CAR FROM A “HIER — 1 IM AWFULLY SORRY “To “TeLt MEH —-HeH -- YEH — You SOUND sorry I WHAT ARE wour\ QUALIFICATIONS For Bail fete) IM RIGHT NEXT Door e Get FROM ME WELL — TRY AN’ (T AWAY qe crt LITTLE MARY MIXUP “RUN HOME Quick AN | ay ASK YouR MA KIN i Yeo ECO OUT FOR & ¢ Ripe IN MY Hew abi en - KATINKA AND BRING Your CaP AN OVERCOAT SO YU > WONT GET COLD “RIDIN CLEAR OuT IN THE COUNTRY - ‘Trade Mark Reg U. 8. Pat. Off A AN SEE “THe { K GARACE Mani ) ad GET THE REST GEE, THis HELP WANTED’ PAGE IS ] BIANKER THAN FERDIE'S BANK Book, LAND | An! JOBS FOR SERVANT GIRLS ARE AS SCARCE AS SOAP SUDS ~~~ init te ON A BOLSHEVIK tf ee a TU HAVE TO QUIT SCRUBBIN’ AND TRY) ONE OF THESE OFFICE JOBS! HERE'S A STOCK PROMOTER LOOKIN’ | VU FOR A PRIVATE | 4 SECRETARY ! YESSIR- 1 CAME TO APPLY FOR THE POSITION! I'M BRIGHT - WILLING — SPEEDY - ACCURATE — ATTENTIVE — AMBITIOUS — AND AM AN EXPERT ) AT MINDING MY_{ Se iets “st a a ek: 1922 (N.Y. Eve. World) By Prom BEAUTIFUL BAB WHOS “HAT FELLOW, BAB SH-W - THAT'S HOMER KNEEDLE THE FAMOUS: DETECTIVE - HE'S GOING TO FINDYVONNES DOG AND YouR $50 FOR US MAY BUT HE'S A REMARKABLE MAN = NO FRIVOLOUS THOUGHTS RUN THRU 17 HIS MIND - CERTAINLY 1S REFRESHING TOHAVE SUCH A SERIOUS THINKER [| AROUND AFTER A SUMMER OF —~ at YOUNG SMART ALEC gi. VERS (7 MR. KNEEDLE- JUST WHAT ANGLE OF THE CASE ARE YOU ANALYZING! reach ita 250th performance at the National to-day. Bept. 20. Arthur G, Delamater invites alla play about Benjamin q in Franklin,| to New York temporary husbanda to nee “Her|whioh will be produced aan eianel “iconey' at thy Temporary Husband” at the Frazee] Rehan,” BY thy icauten Theatre Monday night. © Passing Show of 1923,” starring Willie and Bugene Howard, will open at the Winter Garden on A transcontinental from Hoston to thi som ‘Time’ company, Louls Evan Shripman hes written Pacific Conat li been arranged for the special “Blos- tour extending ‘Better Tim rehearaala of the new Minsky pe put in the Park Music Hall, veral hundred Misa Columbia, winner of the At- lantle Clty beauty contert, {s coming iday Khe will sec nont ts directing the show lofts of police will to-night et the Ov-1'M sUST TRYING TO HGURE} Oy === Hippodrome, A cop over and ses that they dont get Mary Carter Lae, a new mem! lost, ser of the ‘Threshold Players, is # sister-tn Tes law of Mar’ may have he A THOUGHT FOR TO-DAY The Mpiscopalians may cut “ ler, of whom you ¢ iake them | out of the marriage ceremony, sient] as wel!—it does no good, anyway. FOOLISHMENT. A publisher, Phillip H, May, Who paid off hte men Aaturday, Dtacovered, by Joa The Great Detective at Work on an Import: OW, ULL BET L KNOW — FIGURE OUT HOW ANY BODY COULD GET (N WITH THE Doors a Say ED? NAW HOW T SHOULD GO ABOUT MAKiN! A DATE WITH Nou When he'd pa There still was the Wl: Teache “You'Re HIRED | LNEED A Good} | | LIAR IN THis | | | OF THE OTTYMoBLE > HE PROMISED ME ¢ ee ee KRazy KRAx | Bs c is one THEY | THinie & JHURRICANE Is A STicic Foie A FAST | PEOPLE ARE || So DUMB dough PUT IT IN THE ACT. Children, know about Good Frida) w de pay. Willie—He wus Robinson Crusoe's butler,