The evening world. Newspaper, September 9, 1922, Page 12

"SA ATURDAY, SE?TEMBER 9, 1922 Mond f JOE'S CAR aman J ) ade M eg. UB. Pat. Off, And What MIKE 1S A MECHANIC WITH [ure ——_—____— Good Evening ! By BIDE DUDLEY A Lor OF COMMON SENSE! LIFE 1S A STRUGGLE’ FoR THere ! Lex HiM Gena nt Y HEARD me! DONT pel HAPPINESS ANT 1M WILLING AN 1 Hope HE CLIMBS THe LEAVIN‘ ear THING ARQUND| VLL TAKE His ADVICE AN! TOW OALOT ; 7 “ PURCHASE IT AT TH! f ; Soe, “nnowine LEAVE “TH! DARN “THING FoR OF THis BOILER LB FIRST BRICK WALL HE Sees" HERG !! put ‘ter IN You never see ‘em nowadays— POE! THAT He 1S 7 EM “TH CROOK 'D RATHER WHY ' vas = GARAGE |, The boys with home-cut hair; MS OF PREFERENCE BEING HAVE MY PEACE OF MIND - HE'D WANTA STEAL ; i "Twas diff'rent thirty years ago,| g, skiny of White Plains Road SHADOWED DAY 9 B “WW! DOUGH 1 PUT HIS WRECK THOUGH , 1S MORE'N ; Int! L-can ste tT Westchester County, desires to anne AND NIGHT BY the hollow-ground bartender's apron, am *} = i SOME DESPERATE =s Gq? i We saw 'em ev'rywhere. i In those old days the barber shops Ht ‘ offered as a prize in this contest. His f Tiel ak ved ved “ig rie g| idea of the right kind of a girl to] | CHARACTER i oy : ts qi ‘0 have a barber work on boys} warty follows: BENT UPON ee ( { Was hardly thought of then. 1 want a wife who'll say to me STEALING His You recollect how father used When I roll home at 2 or 3, CAR, DECIDES To sit you on a stool, “Yowre rather late to-night, my pet. . ‘ An apron hangin’ from your neck, | But don't you worry, don't you fret.” (© AdoPT “THe Ma’s scissors\as the tool? And then as I in bed repose, SAFES: = oe While through my pants she deftly ST COURSE Remember how upon your head joes AND FREE HIS He placed the sugar bowl She'll tell me with a little laugh MIND OF “THe While round the edges, snip by] «1 found $10, dear; here's half. FEAR “Hat snip, The scissors deftly stole? HAUNTS HIM ~ did she suspect that the bottle had contained Hniment for a Copr. 1922.(N. Y. Eve. World, In thirty years, it seems to me, spavin the Mayor had on his left feghb ors aem f . This world has changed a heap;| teg, a “ = i ; At that moment a dark form THE BIG LITTLE FAM a They'd set him down as cheap.| @ppeared at a window. It was ‘ MILY er eo Bren Ore The “Home Bunker” Again! Toady Allen, the handsome yegs. Tessie grabbed the 44 and shot But could | make the years turn How ABOST A | To-day if Dad cut Willie’s hair j back No! "tom - . the Mayor and eighteen of the lot “Tom - I $ ' ' The stool I'd gladly take, calidvea: (Round ore Kid ? Promised TH MISSED TH Hore are anh a Ha-HARIYoL DUBB- She did it to please Toady. ‘ SS WIFES FATHER pipFicuLT AS PA BEAT ‘You ID SHow Him How “TH GAMES HOLE IN ONE, ‘ ew ‘PAR! It all seemed so absurd, (To be continued.) | An’ let Dad use the bow! an’ all, \ Just once—for old times’ sake. OBSERVATIONS. However, we'll bet the Greeks can | beat the Turks at shining shoes, } An English scientist says sunshine ig the source of much energy. May- be he’s seen Marion dance. ! A Chicago man found seven dia- j mond rings worth $12,000 In his cel- Just This and That. We have a joint letter from Win- chell and Condon, of the Vaudevill» News, so badly written that we don't know whether it is an invitation to drink their liquor or go jump in the river. Will the boys kindly send us the explanatory chart? Since we printed a paragraph four jar. It's a weird cellar that doesn't yield valuables these days. TAXICAB TESSIE. (Love ia better exempilf in the kiss wn it ts in the emile.—Botts., ‘essie began her first day as teacher of the Jimtown school with misgivings. Fearing there might be some roughnecks among the pupils, she had her 44 in the drawer of her desk. It was the same gun she took to the Van Bellederbilt social affair in New York the time she mistook the butler for the host and found it necessary to clean out the place to prevent humill- ation. Lining the children up for a spelling bee she handed each an arithmetic, . “In what State is Bogash, Ohio?” she asked of the first In ine, a small boy with lovely red hair. “Kansas City,” he replied. “Back to the kennel,” she said. “Kansas City is a mouxtain.” Tessie took a blue Pekingnese ribbon from her pocket and pinned it on him. “For remembrance,” she said. At that point Alonzo Pruett, Mayor of Jimtown, appeared, “My dear young woman,” he sald, “I am sure you are just days ago about Woodin and “coal tn” we have had sixteen letters offering us the same joke free of charge. The latest to spring it is Henry Hull, of “The Cat and the Canary.” And then there's that Half and Half thing we wrote recently! Let- ters are coming In daily concerning it. The writers all say Half and Half ought to go smoke a herring For instance, Charles Finkelstein writes; “When a man expects one human being to satisfy the whims of hundreds of thousands of people that man should edit his own reading matter.” Of course, Mr. Finkelstein has the right idea, but he should have said “millions of people.” Woodman Morrison writes us from New York University to ask us not to worry over Half and Half. “It doesn’t pay to fret about those anonymous heroes,” he writes. “And now (blushes from us) will you per- mit me to say over my own signa- ture that, if I had been handing ou! the palms for the best human in terest item I saw In last week’s pa. pers, I would unreservedly have given the award to that little Luther Boddy story of yours?” Mr. Morrison is a scholar and a if Go FasT? | AN We CAN Tie oun JUMPING “ROPE GMT , ON HIS FOOT - ‘Trade Mark Reg. U, 8. Pat. Off. THAT BOOK ON “EAT AND KEEP THIN” Cost HE) Two DOLLARS, BUT IT WAS WORTH IT. AFTER FOLLOWING THAT TEA AND ToAST DIET FOR A SuRPRISE Fernie! HE WON'T MAKE SIRETCH, DEAR OLD Pop Didn’t Know What ‘Was on Foot! cal LiHlan 4 Her mom? | Foe wenr | AN’ TRIPPED ME * de Maybe 1b AT | Bul Lve Got A | uy ( Yes, AND WHEN THEY HIT THE) a) “ROSE QUEEN ” Cane 2 DASHING DOWN THE uP {Kick uke A) { 2 2 MULE | ra) (FRES SHIE the teacher we need for our Iit- tle darlings and my wife is out ef town.” Bowing low, he slipped on a WEEK, 1 FEEL LIKE A DIF sere ENT WOMAN! FON OF My Size rs ) IVE Lost AT ANY MORE!) el INN [LEAST THIRTY | Pc : mai RAIL AND Won THE _ POUNDS! , ) aK ry |_ Race By A A NOSE! gentleman of discriminating tastes. Aw, he Is so! sponge and dislodged a bottle from his hip pocket. “Ah, ha!” sald Tessie, dream!- ly. “Ain't we got fun?” Tessie'’s face beamed. Little LORENCE REED has finally de- F cided on her professional future. She has signed with Charles Dillingham, who will star her in « play now being written, While this mew vehicle is being written Miss Reed will act the principal role tn “Bast of Suez’ for A. H, Woods. This play will open at the Eltinge Theatre on Sept. 21. HONORING STONE. The inaugural dinner in honor of Fred Stone, the new President of the National Vaudeville Artists, will be held at the clubhouse of that organi- astion to-morrow night. The capacity of the dining room will be taxed, as both good speeches and good food are looming up in the offing. BARNEY TELLS ONE. Barney Bernard of “Partners Again’ cornered us yesterday to teli a story. “An Irishman and a member of my race were close friends,"’ said Barney, “But now and again, like Abe and Mawruss, they would engage in an argument. In one of these wordy Spats the Irishman finally ended with: “*Well, Abe, you must admit one thing—our priests know more than your “Why shouldn’t they?’ replied Abe. ‘You tell them everything.’ "’ SUNDAY CONCERTS. ‘The Columbia Theatre will resume “a Gunday concert policy to-morrow. ‘This season the acts wiligbe booked Gy the B, F, Keith Fee About Plays and Players AND NOW PERMIT US To inform you that a Bronx man who lends money on real estate bears the name of Mort Gage. | WHAT ABOUT THIS? L. J. Mulhearn, of Bronxville, has sent us a rhyme about Kitty. We don't know her and are, therefore, somewhat mystified. Won't ‘Tommy Lydon, Frank H. Grey or some of the gang out there look this matter Up for us, please? Here's the rhyme. Kitty asks me to tell you, In accents tender, sublime, She's not a bareback rider, Nor was she at any time; Bhe has no mad ambition To be a theatrie star, She's keeping in condition To drive our long-promised car, “ERMINE” AT THE JOLSON, The Messrs, Shubert have de to present “The Lady in Ermine" at the Al Jolson Theatre during the w of Sept, 18. Bleanor Painter has the princtpal role. The production 1s to be elaborate in the extreme, In the cast will be Walter Woolf, Robert Woolsey, Helen Shipman, Harry Conor, Harry Fender, Gladys Walton Isabel Rodriguez and le “Burke (There will be a chorus of seventy-tiy GOSSIF. eatrice Squire, dancer, has ines “Spice of 19 dined A delay in getting a passport has kept Ben-Ami from going to Germany to see ‘The Mysterious Tales of Hort. man." Jeanette Power ts learning the art|’ . of training elephants. Her father has the Hippodrome herd: John Hendricks, playing the Hfench- man in ‘'Bue, Dear,” at the Tames *)) Ze ae DOCc AND TLLUE ARE MARRIED = boc THOUGHT WE COULD GET OUT OF \T BY WANING HIS FRIEND, SOE CHIZEL, RUSH \N DURING WE CEREMONY AND ‘SAY THERE WAS AN \MPORTANT CALL FOR IM = BUT JOE MET YVONNE ON THE CHURCH STEPS ANDFOR- GOT ALL ABOUT DOC-DOL 1S NOW} RESIGNED TO HIS J FATE BOT WANTS YES DEAR YOU May LEAVE ME FOR A MINUTE] \F YOUR ENGAGEMENT | \S REALLY IMPORTANT IL'M MARRIED NOW- = ALL I WANT NOW \S "TO PLANT MY DUKES INJOE'S EYE FOR NOT GETTIN’ ME OU OF TAIS= WE'LL THINK HE WALKED INTTO AWINDMILL WORD WITH JOE Gap, 100 (N.Y. Eve World) By Prone Pb Co GET RIGHT UP THERE MY LOVE - YOU'LL RUIN YOUR CLOTHES- MY GOODNESS BUT HUSBANDS ARE A BOTHER SUST LOOK WHAT NOU GOT ME = SWAME ON You! A BIG L BOY LiKE You! Now WE MIGHT M\SS OUR TRAIN FoR, NIAGARA FALLS —| FOR NIAGA ) Ss. , of the Threshold Players, will be in her support, ay Minehart, Neil Evans, Rob. 8 have taken over » been engaged for ‘4 beon:.2 ed has been engaged by ‘pwo big orchestras, the Dance Pal- erican debut in @ " Syncopators and the Black and ‘Tans, are furnishing the gmusic|duced, a friend ot for continuous dancing at the Terrace] flip Mop! Garden Dance Palace. The Monday and William|night sessions have been resumed. FOOLISHMENT The] Dancing is tree at all sessions, There was un old tady named C. A THOUGHT FOR TO-DAY. , Speaking of+a play recently pro- Who went for a stroll in the park, When nearing the Zoo, She heard a “Wal-hoot" shes “Oh, how beautiful—hark? PUT IT IN THE ACT. ¢ “He never brok » law in hie life,” “He isn't a drinking man, eh —B. D.