The evening world. Newspaper, July 24, 1922, Page 22

fr ee Theatrica Good Evening! By BIDE you're soon to take a wife? 1 think you're doin’ right A feller’s better off tied up An’ happier a sight Now Bill, your daddy's old an gray, He's learned a thing or two. So Bill, I feel I'd like to give Some good advice to you Don't never try to fool her, Bill With breath, Don't cuss her mother if she tries To pester you to death, clove smell on your Don't never praise your neigh- bor's wife, Don't tell how mother cooks, Or Bill, them jokes will all come true You've read in funny books. Don't contradict her, Bill, my boy. It never works; I've tried An’ don’t forget what Roosevelt said About race suicide Now, all these “don'ts are good advice. You'd better heed ‘em too. But ‘bove all things, Bill, don’t tell Ma What I've been tellin’ you Observations. There is now a rubber bathing sult for women. Make your own jokes, please. “Marilynn Miller Off to Marry Pickford,” — Newspaper headline. That's what Ziegfeld says, too. The Olympic is now the fastest ocean liner. Such being the case, ‘twould seem the “lymp” is out of Place in “Olympic.” Roscoe Arbuckle is to be a star in a Wrench musica! revue in Paris. Of course, they'll pay him a fat salary Missouri has decreed that the rail- Toads must make al! crossings of the overhead type. With this law in effect the trains will be able to run over people without hurting them. LAUGHING LENA (A woman's heart is an unfathomable mystery.—Schooze.) Lena sat down on a keg of mails to think. She had been sent to the store to learn who had kicked Grocer Hoskins, but @s yet she had no clue. “I wonder!” she murmured Archibald came to her side and patted her head. “TE love you,” he whispered Hoskins, lurking near, was amazed. “Tis not the time for trifling when all the world ts young,” he said With that he stroked his beard Lady Hotchkiss realized that no time could be lost. In her heart was a tender feeling for FE report that Marilynn Miller dt would not be with the Ziegfeld forces during the coming sea- eon is untrue, according to a state- ment issued to-day from the Zieg- feld offices. It says: F, Ziegfeld jr. has re-engaged the entire company, principals and chorus, to support Marilynn Miller and Leon Errol in ‘Sally,’ which re- @umes its interrupted run at the Co Jonia!, Boston, on Labor Day.” Mies Miller's remuneration for ap- pearing in “Sally,” we have heard, is 10 per cont of the gross receipts, with a guarantee of $1,500 a week. Nobody ever accused Mother Miller of raising any foolish children, so we nn continues to About Plays and Players DUDLEY TT ATOTT — { Poems OF PREFERENCE | P, Jolly of the Bronx has sent us a rhyme. He docsn't care what sort of a girl he marries, just « she supports him. It is his firm be lief that the women should do the work. Look T want a girl who, when I'm flat, Into the ring will throw her hat And spend her dough and treat me fine. Ah, that's the sort of girl for mine. And tf she has a bank account, From time to time a small amount She'll draw and slip me with a grin The water's fine, girls; come on in the grocer, but she restrained her emotions and coughed “Ding!” Some one was cash register. Archibald straightened up. He was furious. “What lady done that?” he de- manded. Grammar never concerned him when action was needed. Out of the cellar came the s0- ciety ladies, looking sheepish. ‘The patter of raindrops on the roof had frightened them. Grocer Hoskins held one sock aloft. “For remembrance,” he said, very gently. Turmoil followed. Archibald thought of his childhood and the old apple orchard. “Bnough!” he shouted. At that moment an Italian fruit vendor entered the door, eating a banana. “The jig is up,” sald Lena. All began to do a clog dance. It was the only way out. (To Be Continued.) ringing the Gosh, He's Ugly! Roy IL. McCardell, an elderly gentleman who makes a living by winning prize contests, {s cons{der- ably peeved at us merely because we sald recently that we'd bet he'd never won a beauty prize. “Observing your scurrilous sneer to the effect that it was a pretty safe bet I had never entered a beauty competition,” he writes, “I hereby in- augurate and enter such a competi- tion for any prize or prizes local tradesmen may be intimidated into offering, and I hereby challenge Bide Dudley, Irvin Cobb, Franklin P. Adams, Karl K. Kitehen, Don Mar- quis, Samuel Shipman, Raymond Hitehcock, Louis Mann, Harry Kemp, Will Rogers and any others who may think they're pretty. I know I'll win.” Readers, kindly look over this list. Now, all together—who do you think would get first prize? Of course we would, Thank you! Oh Lady, Lady! There was a young girl at Sound Beach, And she was a whale of a peach Her bathing suit brief, Was a scenic relief That beggared all figures of speech. AND NOW PERMIT US to notify you that the man ar- rested the other day for kissing & Hoboken girl was later fined for drunkenness. Eleanor Painter, all engaged for "The Lady of the Rose," have gone to Lon- don to see the English production of that musical piece, at the suggestion of the Messrs, Shubert. The three are engaged for roles in the American production A COINCIDENCE. Arthur Jay Levy, while standing on 48th Street yestenlay, saw Thomas Gill approaching ‘Hello, George!" yelled Mr. Gill Arthur turned and shook hands with Will H. Smith, Then he dis covered his mistake He had ac- costed Harry Nelmes. Naturally, the matter went no further AYE, SISTER, HE DID. eit pretty My" as long as Grant Mitehell of “Kempy There is a “S fellow who always likes to be Hite He was talking with a gir} o! the SHOW BOOTH’S PORTRAIT. Having seen the portrait of Edwin Booth, which BE. F. Albeé is to give the Shakespeare Gallery at Stratford- on-Avon through the Kotary Clubs of newly America, Fred Stone, the elected President of the Vaudeville Artists, has arranged have it exhibited at the N. V. A. Clu! until Aug. 24, when it will be turned ‘ over to the Rotarians. PLAYERS ABROAD. Walter Woolf, Robert Woolsey and flapper type recently and the conver sation lagged. Mr. Mitchell intro- duced the subject of Shakespeare. “And what." he asked, “do you think of Hamlet's soliloquy?” 1” came the reply promptly. ‘That guy certainly said a mouth- ful.” GOSSIP. Fools Errant’’ went into to-day rehearsal Gordon Dooley and bride will be A \ | News and Gossip_ » JULY 24, 1922 JOE’S CAR Sweet Lullaby! t Sir aNypopy Teiep 7 seu me LL A CAR-NOW \'D SWING ON INS CHIN! J REGARD ALL AUTO SALESMEN AS TARGETS FOR MY WRATH If? eae Jot , THEAR YouRE IN THE MARKET FOR ANGTHERL CAR — AM 1 RIGHT ? J WELL — IN THAT CASE I'D BETTER NOT “TELL YOU ABOUT The "REK* SPORT CAR A FRIEND OF MINE HAS To SELL INA HURRY — ONLY RUN 50O MILES AND “Ty' PRICE, =e 7 Wat (iT ——... OH WELL = C2 ry Dee) s KZ DONT TALK car 1 ME ~ Gosh Ws, 'M CuRED- 1" GoNNA RIDE ON MY |Soes “his SUMMER! iE - he) Isn’t Luke Courteous ? ‘ou MusT HAVE BEEN To Some WILD Party LAST NIGHT EW “es I wow ——_ BUT You Were THE ONLY “TWO PEOPLE weil WéT ELSE WouLDd You f EXPECT ME “TS HE SAID You HADNT BEEN IN He car 5 Min. WHEN You GOT UP AND GAVE Your SEAT TO ate y «WHY “THE CONDUCTOR ON SouR TROLLEY LINE SAID ‘You 6ure DID ACT uxe iT? WoT MADE TH’ FATHERD THINK THAT Copr. 1922 (N, vite aan By Pree Poh. © i LITTLE MARY MIXUP SURE 1 watered The Horse AND MILKED” THE KirTens Timminy ® suck Ac THIRSTY MIXUPS Mare 4s Moot Moise As You Like WHILE YOuR ELDERS ARE TRYING To TALK — OATMEALED THe ick®Ns Tawe a3 BIE Bires AS You - PLease 44ND @ J DONT DoTAee ¢ To use Your fy) Ki SSNS, \ SaaS NAPKIN — ceua DAYrey. Trewy @'ry “Seno w MERRY MiKue! A | YoURE LOOKING PRETTY SAD, FeRDIE —)] CHEER UP! YOu DROPPED AW) RLEze ie EAI iz WHAT's THE Yer’ TH) You'RE LOOKING P' , FERDIE fo Bless Hrs HEART. ( ‘) i = os R BILL ON YoUR WAY OUT 4 \ MATTER — CLEANED | QQ [ATS A FINE AT (7 , HE" TUL.RAISE YOU 7. } THat’s WHY \|\LAST NIGHT, AN’ T SAVED IT ‘S GOING AX Quittn \' OuT! 5 q FEEL ON MY BIRTHDAY!) Oe piue! «| et ee ee OUT To Buy Me \ TeN CHIPS, SAM! Ke ALREADY ? arte. 5 AW'T Got A J aang meena Fron @0" BARRY Unive Rat ave CENT IN MY ues A PRESENT! yo. y se ; . CHoo- CHoo TRAIN 5 SNEEZES > Mb Mbliy . * % = Cope, 198 (N.Y. tire, Werkd) By Prom Poin Co Ren kt id BEAUTIFUL BAB It Looks Like a Mob Scene, but We’ll Bet on Bab! Ls rom YOU NY WANT Tie eyPECTED FOR TWO Det Ce ineebany ATTENTIONS, Back ) THE RIDING HABIT BEFO aes. “On PeAVE DS BE RANE SiBLS T BELIEVE I COULD HAVE TED FOR TWO DOLLARS MONEY THEY PAID EXPEC My GET PAB BEFORE Yor = 5 OUR MONEY g eS nee HE'S THE CHAMPIO! YES, HE THOUGHT BUT THE GIRLS SOON DUMB-BELL OF THE /( GEORGE ADE WAS GET ON BAB'S TRAIL ANDTHE CHASE |SON ARE LOOKIN’ ALL OVER CAMP. LEARNED TO LIKE OLIVER = ac YOU, FOR Oliver’ { (BETTER BEAT IT AN’ BUY AN Hoe =A LOCHINVAR ? 5 T LIKE Him os , AG on the River- | rector graperjuiced and dined the Threshold Playhouse, | furnish songs for ney Gerard's | Chicago under the management of H.| holes in 70 ts a. sega He found tt a puzele side Theatre stage some night this| has ie at two Shubert Vaudeville units, Hf. Frazee devotee of the game that ever To guess where his quarters were at. week : : @ vacation In the|"™iniiam Kent 1s now doing a on Freeman has gone to Los wee mountain ‘ 1 F ¥ hoxing stunt in “Good Morn geles, where © role rie ri v Coletta Ry \edienne seen f y sts he will play ying, Dearie? Kent is the champior Mary M image] © FOOLISHMENT eur N HE Ac 4 engaged by Ge White £ Rosalind in "As You Like It." A] golfer you've read about Play, soon to be seen there 4 toper named Angus P, Pratt n amateur artist is dangerous, x edition Soandate.” Paccorative net will be furnished by} Her Temporary Husband.” the Moved into a Riverside flat ” forthcoming edition of als." | Jay Brennan. first play tried out by Players and A THOUGHT FOR TO-DAY gs sana Ealdeid ae signs are usually bad Clare Tree Major, Managing Di Bert Gront and ‘Tot Sefmour will Patrons Associated, Inc s now in! Any golfer who can make eighteen mn 0008 gueste, B.D. ~