The evening world. Newspaper, June 23, 1922, Page 32

Good E By BIDE A love to sing in metred song FF Of 9008 oid common times. like to write for corn-fed folks, ' Those common sort o' rhymes. WF ain't no Brownin’, that’s a cinch His work's not in my line. Jes’ Iet me write the homely verse, 4, An’ you kin write the fine Wt ain't no job to understand _ The efforts from my pen here ain't no hidden meanin's there, | To mix the minds of men My writin’ ain't the kind that lives No classic stuff in mine! wes let me write the homely verse, 4 Aw’ you kin write the fine. Summer Is Here. “We have noticed that the city ®arbage wagon has begun smelling Tike cantaloupe again.—Henderson, Pa., agle. probably the reason for this Molla Now Laugh, Durn Ye! coddling. Oharley Hicks wants to buy a 1 rooster. Have you got one that as been attending church lately. Leesville, Mo., Light. THELMA, THE VAMP! SAA story of an aching heart and a tired ¢ brain). Thelma found herself alone’ “with Benjamin Hur, the actor. He smiled but she suddenly turn- ed on him “Where is the child?” she de- ‘manded Mr. Hur cleared his speaking tube, die was very gentle with her. "Is it because of my hare that you will not marry me?” ‘asked. Thelma drew herself up to her — full height: “Oh, pickles!” she , lip he rep}ied. ae Pcs are in my _ power,” snapped the man. “Yes,” she replied quickly, “but you do not own the power- , house.” Her uncle, it seems, had once . deen a motorman on a street car ~ Vine in Sandusky. ©... “Nevertheless,” he sald, “you must marry me or die. Choose ~ quickly. Shall it be a wedding or _ & funeral? I must be on the move.” “What!” shrieked Thelma, “can |f * you not pay the rent?” . _ The actor took a powder from his pocket and poured it into a © glass of water. “Drink that,” he commanded. Just then there was a knock, * at the door. Thelma, cute girl » that she was, opened the door ‘And was confronted by her emother. 4 “Don't forget, daughter,” said Mrs. Greentree, “that you must Wear your rubbers when it Pains.” Then, arm in arm, Hur and the old lady left in search of a cab- ret where they might turn up a-few glasses. 7 ‘Hiram Greentree, back on the farm, winked at Nellie, the good- looking hired girl. Well, now! (To Be Continued > OBSERVATIONS. Hackensack is the home of a man © claims he can play “Nearer My God to Thee” on the snare drum. * Possibly Fingy Conners, who wants W. R. Hearst to make a cake of soap ‘his political campaign emblem, be- Weves Mr. Hearst would find is easier ciean up. Molla Mallory, our champion teh- player, is now saying nice things it Suzanne Lenglen. A desire to = E Fs rg in Atlantic City the other day, a Chicago should break those rates more gently They used to call him Humpy Jim, His home was just a little shack. He used a cane in hobbling ‘round, And yet he'd greet you with a smile One day some neighbors happened in But as the doctor felt his pulse Poor Humpy forced a smile and said: read ily funny enough for your column re- sulted. A girl friend sent a box of fow ‘son which was a card read- ing: vening! DUDLEY CAR AN’ You DIDN'T {Poems OF PREFERENCE | Mollie Reitz writes: “Your exceed- ingly interesting ‘Poems of Prefer- ence’ contest has served as a magnet to me and drawn me into a desire to \VE-A NOTION. “73 FI win the velvét-Hned oyster opener. ” If I win, please send the prize to me * without delay, as I have several py oysters I want to open gently.” And then Mollie submits the fol- lowing rhyme: I've yearned to win a man of fame, Like Home Run King Bambino. With all the fascinating ways , Of Rudolph Vatentino. ‘Tis quite a task, you will agree, To find the man in question. And, having faited, I'm open for ‘ome reader's kind suggestion. get the French girl on the courts ts Just after registering at a big hotel man dropped dead. They 0 guests down there. “OU'RE GOIN’ ON A Humpy Jim. Because his back was bent. He seldom had a cent. For Humpy wasn’t strong And “How you gettin’ 'tong?” And found him on his bed. Twas plain his time was almost up; They knew he'd soon be dead. To see just what was wrong, “Doe, how you gettin’ "long? Our ‘Auto ‘Department. J) A MAN CALLED T'SEE Me ABoUT my FELIX . You'RE USELESS HUMANITy — a ae a : a “ TRAVEL LIGHT WHen “VACATION” 19 MY Dore T HoPEe TH’ WIFE YL Does We SAME WHY PH MAKE HIM WAIT TRYIN AND oe RE You! S | ( MISTER Bul He SED HE'D COME Back JINKS | PACKED AT t CALL AN ys Wr A-BIRD hI Wee! THANK Heayen-im aur | Ke XPRESOMAN! DONT Y'SAY so? IM HAVING A TERRIBLE Time. G To SELL.MY CaR I CAN'T AFFORD 7 Let KE THAT GET oM ME , Boy! ( 4 0 ? YEssie ¢ 2 EXPRESSMAN WAIT TILL he TUFF Sou RE Save HE HAD A BIG CAN OF AUTo POLISH “T'SELL YA ~ He SED Ie y'PUT A LIL’ BIT ON yicar ya'D ®uUY A LoT, TELL HIM ves! THis House RIGHT HERE SKIPPER™ LITTLE MARY MIXUP To make a nice clean job of killing a dog on a hot day, hit him in the pants, Don’t worry if you happen to run into a street car. The street railway company has plenty of other cars, In hitting a pedestrian do so With & slight swerving motion will avoid splashing blood. on the tonneau, When you, collide with a tele- graph pole at sixty miles an hour, always get out over the front end and turn to the right. We'll Say So. “Dear Dud,” writes a Harlem “we had a death in our fam- other day and something HEY KID 7 wwrhicn > Y TO giortoum { KATINKA For the deceased with best wishes of Helen.’ Wasn't that a scream? They Took the Hint. She was hanging to a strap in the Subway and reading a newspaper. On either side of her was a man who looked over her shoulder onto her Paper. She noticed she had com- Pany in the perusal of the news and {t got on her nerves. Across the car stood a young man she knew. Turning to him as the train stopped at Grand Central, she asked ‘Tom, how many people read each newspaper printed?” “I believe the publishers the number aver: three.’ “They're right,” id the girl, “and it's two too many. After that she found herself all alone in her reading. And Now Permit Us To or that an evangelist named Cinder, working in the Middle West, is rapidly getting in the public OF THOSE YAPS \WHO FALL FoR You'Lt HAVE SOMETHING To INSTEAD OF CAR ADS! About Plays LORENCE SHIRLEY who, by the way, is to have an impor- tant role in the mew Avery Blopwood comedy, “Why Men Leave jome,” was walking along Riverside five this morning when she came two small boys lined up tn. bat- He formation. One had a chip on his wider and was daring the other knock it off. Miss Shirley called ‘halt. © “Boys shouldn't fight,” she said. *) The lad with the chip in place ct her and said. “I ought to it this guy on gen'ra) principles.” At that the other let one fist fly caught his enemy on the nose. =| “There's one on Lieut. Nose for "" said the boy who delivered the Miss Shirley decided a regular war approaching. She hurried to the ner and told a policeman and im- ie@iately the battle took the form of foot race. They will be “Shoes That Dance," by Anna H. Branch; “Asaph,"’ by William O. Bates and “The Summons,"’ by Dorothy Donnell and Gladys Hall, hold Playhouse. and. Players dia Hospital, will be up Monday. Dr. ANNIE OAKLEY ARRIVES. Anthony Harrigan, a son of the late Ned Harrigan, performed the opera, | Annie Oakley, the famous rife shot tion, assisted by Dr. Maxwell Sugar. |2"4 former star in the Buffalo Bill man, Arthur intends to write some| Wild West Show, has arrived at more poetry for this column when he | Amityville, L. I., where she will spend recovers fully. Now ts the time tol the summer with Mr. and Mrs, Fred subsertbe, Stone at Tip Top Ranch. Miss Oak- ley was met at the Amityville Station VERA BLOOM WRITES ONE. by an anolent stagecoach drawn by Vera Bloom, daughter of Sol Bloom,| four mules and escorted by cowboys has written, in coliaboration with J.!and cowgirls heftled by Mr, Stone. B. Rethy, the book and lyrics of a The noted markswoman will appear in musical comedy which will probably Fred Stone's Motor Hippodrome and be seen on Broadway In the fall. ‘The| wild West show, which will be given music is the work of A. d'Ammunzio, rity at the Fair Ground ; & brother of the poet-soldier of Italy. for emt er ment pillar The composer has made a special! jey has been in retirement for several study of American jazz and his uew| years, but, just to amuse herself. se score 1s said to be replete with catchy! recently broke one hundred targets melodies, It was Vera Bloom, 304 straight at the traps. may remember, who eluded the Fiume blockade and obtained an in- MAKE MAMA STAY HOME, terview with d’Annunzlo, the poet- soldier, when other parreerenienia An admirer who lives in this city failed. has written us asking how his wife can gratify an ambition to get into TO OPFER PLAYLETS, musical comedy. He says she is twen- Beginning July 4 three one-act|ty-three, pretty, a brunette, with plays will be presented at the Thyy- bobbed hair and plenty of personality. WHEN HE SAID PEOPLE LIKE To BE STUNG! LUIsH YouD BUY A NEWSPAPER ON YouR WAY DOWNTOWN IN THE MORNINGS SO Goor, 1922 (N. Y. Eve. World) By Prem Pub. Co. SS PT. BARNUM MUST HAVE BEEN THINKING “HAIR Tonics” T THREW IT G0sH, 1 SAW fa) oe WILLIE PLAYIN’ 2 In -1 WITH THE THERE READ WHERE DID You PUT THAT BOTTLE I BROUGHT HOME — IT's Goop STUFF ? Me Back THis WAY. OTHER JUNK Ane AM | Bund HOPE HE DON'T GET HOLD OF IT— THAT STUFFS EXPENSIVE ! Hee ? lve Been ~TRAILIN’ You NEARLY, — AN IF Tuar HICK COMES Back HERE Ze ih And a Freight Car Is Waiting to Ship It! '™ DEAD ( ie sBudeCouniHan, Oh, Well, the “Longest Way Round Is the Shortest Way Home”! WE NEARLY Sien- SEE LE AND “ths S$ BA LE 1s HEAW- ONE MLE y Na an. Q al 1 N ITS BAK “D Mone KANE — Too Good to Be True! WILLIE She 1s the mother of two fine boys, he Says, one three years and the other seven months old. She is very fond of her home, which is a happy one Money ts not the object—she merely wants to gratify her ambition to act. And here comes our answer. Tell her to forget it. The stage could never repay her for the neglect the home and those boys would neces- sarily have to get. It's a heart-break- ing profession and one in which those who attain real success are extremely few. GOSSIP. The song, “Oh, Say, Oh, Sue," tn “The Pin Wheel" has been made into an elaborate musical number, Frances Neilson and Agnes Ather- ton have been added to the cast of “That Day,” opening in Atlantic City in two weeks, Oscar Shaw of ‘Good Morning, Dearie,"’ has a loving cup he won in the Lambs’ billiard tournament, The Watson Sisters, recently of “The Passing Show," have been en- gaged to appear in Shubert vaudeville. Bert GriMfith of the Robins won a pair of seats to ‘‘A Pinch Hitter" Wednes- day. He made a pinch hit “Lawful Larceny" will reach its 200th performance at the Republic Theatre to-night. Jean Adair, Charles Lawrence and Richard Pitman have been engaged by Sam H. Harris for “It's a Boy." John Hendricks has joined the cast of ‘‘Sue, Dear,"’ the new musical com- edy opening at Long Branch July 8. Turner Layton of ‘Strut, Miss Liz- zie," at the Times Square Theatre, a graduate of the University of Penn- sylvania. The ‘Shuffle Along’? company will give a benefit performance Sunday night at the 63d Street Music Hall for the Boys’ Welfare Association Harlem. Maria Bazzi, the Italian actress soon to be seen in ‘The Inevitable,"’ HOW OFTEN HAVE T TOLD You To LEAVE MY FEATHER Duster res KRAZY KRAX MOUNT VERNON SOME PEOPLE ARE So DumB THey THINK MARSHAL FieLd ISA IPLAYGROUNT is That {s all we know about It. not for sale.—Judge. It is lowing answers to questions which HIS STEADY JOB. the druggist had become tired of ot AM WHEELER was a leisurely answering in’ person: person, whose wife took in This ts a goldfish. It ts alive. nh read ge cee There is only one of tt. We got it that Sam was going to work. An in- from a boy. quisitive neighbor hailed him one will appear also during her New York} we do not know where the boy got] dun ve nelenbor | recy tester Pea season in plays chosen trom her|i¢, Vell, yis, John; I cal'late I've Ttalian repertoire, = These will bel ‘it has never died. We do bot KNOW! sucks atiddy pisos for the ool given at special performances. how old it is. weather. We feed it when we want to. “What is it, Sam—choppin'?”* A THOUGHT FOR TO-DAY. It eats what we. give it. “No, John, ‘taint that. But I'll tel! It isn't always wise to slap at the} That is igi oy oO ye if you won't tell nobody, I'm fly that alights on your tfand; he may| We got the the faucet. | Diannin’ ter set round the house this go to your baid spot. FOOLISHMENT. Oh, the world’s a good old place, We are told, But it isn't in my case— T've a cold, PUT IT IN THE ACT. “Is he a thrifty young man?’ “Well, he's spend-thrifty.”* —B Dd, We have ha@ the flak ever since we got It. Yes, we had more of them, but this one is all that is left. If it sleeps we do not know it. ‘We change the water as often as we want to, * We do not know how long it will live. N We do not miss the water it drinks. winter an’ make ashes!"—Judge. EXACTLY HOW IT HAPPENED. ULIUS KAHN, of California, Chairman of the House Commit- tee on Military Affairs, tells this one: A corporal was testifying at a trial concerning the explosion of a cannon, which sent him to the hos- pital for six weeks. “Pleage give your version of the dent,” he was asked. fWell, ai” be said, “you see, Mt was just like this; I was standing bc side the gun, there was a devil of noise, and then the red-headed nurse said: ‘Sit up, buddie, old boy, and take this.’ ’ tional Republican. —— MODERNITY. HE young man did not seem t oT be enjoying himself, When he rose from the table to dance again, as the noisy orchestra started playing, he seemed languid—lacking in zest. His companion was tireless, Ever ready to go out on the floor at the first note of the music; beating time with a restless, slippered foot if her escort delayed a moment. She was of the extreme type. Skirts a trifle too short, hair obviously “touched-up,” rouge and lip-stick too freely used. There was little conver- sation between them, She was all for eetion, When the music began for the fourth dance the youth did not rise She leaned toward him provoca- tively. “Oswald—aren't we going to dane this? With a little sigh the boy got « his feet. “Gee, grandma, can't we go hom after this one? You know we've got to pick up mother on the way back. She telephoned that she'd forgotten her latchkey.”—Katharine Dunlap ip Judge. 4