The evening world. Newspaper, June 17, 1922, Page 11

¢) By Marguerite Dean. Copyright, 1922 (New York Evening World) ee reas Publiening “Co. HEN Balk’ the Queen of &) Sheba, paid her famous visit = to King Solomon, Abishal, the Queen's military eécort, intro- duced the royal pair almost as in- formally as royalty is treated in our own City Hall. “Queen,"" said Abishal, hands with King Solomon $0 good of you to come,” Solomon Cprurmured, as he stooped to Kies her fingertips. “Your city is simply grand, brightly responded Balkis. “Of course T love Marib, but if I couldn't live there I'd like to live in Jerusalem, f you know what I mean?” ‘Queen, Solomon assured her, ‘you don't know the half of it!" and he escorted her up the front porch steps of the House of Lebanon, Balkis took a look at the seven hundred ladies of the royal harem. “These are your wives, I suppose,’ she remarked to Solomon, who would have hurried her on. ‘Do you mind if I look at them? Hm! some of them must have been really quite pretty at one time.” ‘The remark made by the Queen was verheard, promptly passed along the browded benches in some two hundred and thirty-three translations, And “as one woman, all seven hundred of the King's wives turned to Balkis and stuck out their tongues at her." We are indebted for these hitherto unknown and distinctly fascinating sidelights on a Great Occasion to # new and remarkable research historl- an, Prof. Phineas Allahbaster Crutch B. A. M. A, F. P. A., 8. 0. 8. whose brilliant work, “The Queen of Sheba,"’ to be published by G. P. Put- nam’s Sons June 28, to create a sen sation almost as great—and of abont the same kind—as that saga of South Seas exploration, ‘The Crutse of the Kawa."’ To be perfectly frank and candid “The Queen of Sheba" is one immor- tal Josh on almost every Mterary ut- from Mark An- tony’s ‘Funeral Oration,” to George M. Cohan’s thank-you speech; from Margot Asquith’s Diary to F. P, A.’s “Own Mr. Pepys;'’ from Lonefel low's "Ride of Paul Revere” to ‘The Sheik.’ You can play the book like “phake terance up to date, to @ game—read it aloud to your family and start a guessing contest on who's being parodied now But, even if you haven't read all the originals of 1 hoicest take- offs, you will find yourself gurgling Ralkis the Queen, her riddles, her peerless com- with glee over crimes, her mand of modern slang, her puns that shriek to high heaven, her lovers; the Ds arc of them all told solemn Balkis, according Prof, Crutch, reached the throne a little matter of quadruple homicid she picturesquely bumped off her four half-brothers, Eni, Meni, Maini, Mo. Here is the account of what hap- bp ® with pseudo- archaeological erudition to the records of by “Eni, the first to go, she disposed of by insinuating herself into his chamber in the middle of the night, armed with a mallet and a supply of cedar tent pegs with which she pro- ceeded to split his head in two. The unfortunate youth, accustomed though he was to her rough and tumble ways, could make nothing of It at first. “He rallied her on the number of times, judging by the sensations which he was experiencing, that she was missing her alm and hitting the peg not on its head, but on his own, and twitted her on the proverbial in- ability of girls to drive a nail home with any degree of accuracy, To which she replied gayly that a miss was as good aa a mile, and that if he would only keep his head still and stop wriggling she would have a bet- ter chance. She was more subtle in disposing of the next one on her list, Brother Meni. "She adopted the policy of tip-toeing into the room when all was 5 Dramet and pouring molten lead into Meni’s cars, as he lay peacefully | slumbering. The first time she did so he awoke and complained drowsily that she was tickling him. “She continued this treatment six nights in succession, and by for the 4 Odd Inventions A FRAME mad that that has been invented can be used of metal tub. In, telescopes in small compass for carrying to hold a shelter tent or boat to form + small or even a bathtuly Ket lock has por been invented that is operated by a ec ina knob above the waist! Chr eee rd terminatins 1 “Queen of Sheba’’—as She Wasn’t How She Sized Up Solomon’s Wives, Rattled a Mean Tongue and Finally Met Her Master in the Sheik Told in Side-Splitting Parody on Ancient History And They Lived Happily Ever After—After the Sheik Became Stone Deaf seventh morning Ment had become so topheavy that he could no longer lift up his head and broke his neck while trying vainly to arise from his bed. “She was now, as some one has said, dormic two."* No. 8, Brother Maint, she chased all over the palacé grounds and finally “flung him headlong into @ thicket of the Giant Sensitive Plant, among whose enormous prehensile leaves he was forthwith crushed to a pulp. As for her fourth brother, little Mo, whe conceived the really brilliant idea ‘of secreting little dried-up particles of sponge In his favorite cake, which she then proceeded to feed him on all occasions, interspersing these tidbits with liberal portions of camel's milk. The sponges swelled to tremendous size, greatly distending the unhappy boy's gastronomic apparatus, unit! on ® bright morning in June he exploded with a resounding detonation to the THE SHEIK DRAGGED HER AROUND THE TENT BY HER HAIR. wonder and concern of all beholders.”’ But let us pass on to the time when the advisers of Queen Balkis decided that she must be married. To one el- derly applicant for her hand she sent the somewhat cavalier reply: ep your little gray dome in the West Another suitor, according to Prof. Crutch, was the Colossus of Rhodes. We read: “He created 4 sensation on the oc- casion of his first appearance before Ralkis by dragging ten of her unfor tunate gu after him into the au- dience chamber, with whom he pro- ded to perform various feats of cling, whereupon he tore the jew- celled seveen from its hinges and bunched his muscles at the Queen "That's the kind of fellow 1 am,’ he told her. ‘I'm a tough guy, see? Move over!’ ‘You're frightening poor little me, you big, reugh man!’ she complained "Lay off that stuff, kid, lay off it." he retorted. ‘Rub me the wrong way and I'm mean, but treat me right and Tm mi lamb Tm ® rough diamond, ( He ts Iam fetched her a resounding smack on the shoulder flat which nearly knocked her My, but sputtered *4Quee! ful y, a8 Balkis wrote In her diary, is a great, gorgeous ANIMAL. Rts Sometimes I, feel that T am nothing more than a toy, or a doll, to him, but when | ask him about it he just laughs and says, ‘Some doll, kid, some doll." '" And then he went away—like all her other suitors. He left a brick on Balkis—used, in those days, for a visiting card—in- seribed: The only possible rest is silence—goodby, girl, I'm through.’ Balkis, you see, was a talker. Prof. Crutch quotes this contemporary de- scription of her: ‘Her tongue was worn thin as a serpent's from endless usage she suffered chronical- ly, and those about her likewise, from rush of words to the mouth She never relgned but she poured."* The visit to Solomon—whom she consulted to find out why, when Bal- kis is willin’ the suitors are not—is a joyous episode in the career—and the book—of ‘The Queen of Sheba."’ In the first place, Balkis kept her guard of honor waiting an unconscton- able time while she decided on her court costume. “On, dear!’ a perfect sight.’ Her nurse, Sophontsba, “pointed out to her that as long as she remained in her actual condition she was entirely too much of a sight, no matter how perfect, to do anything whatsoever of a public nature."* So she compromised on “a clinging one-piece suit of green scaies,"’ and was not overdressed, even then, ac- cording to the comments of courtlers. One of them remarked: “Verily, Delilah has Balkis ‘To which anothe “'Vertly, Balkis nothing on herself!* Solomon's reception of her was de- serihed at the beginning of this story Balkis’s unexpurgated comment, in her diary, on Solomon and the Wives you're strong!’ Balkis .’ he exclaimed, ‘you sald a mou Tru she exclaimed. ‘I'm nothing on snappily retorted? practically octh reprinting: lomon is @ bear," she wrote. course he is terribly funny to ‘tand very fussy about his clothes, bi ys think it is such 1 mistake to judge people by appear- woes, and when you really set to know him, you simply can't help lov- ing him. “Solomon's wives are a pretty sad bunch on the whole, Of course with so many of them you can't expect them all to be whirlwinds, but I was surprised to find how FEW of them oan hold a candle to me, but then I suppose I'm exceptional that way.’ The book closes with Prof. Crutch's great discovery—the palimpsest jour- nal of a certain Ptunk, Egyptian servant of my Lord, Achmet Ben Tarzan, the: Sheik of the Dosert. From this journal we learn, for the first time, the fate of Balkis, Queen of Sheba. On the way from Solo- mon's palace she was kidnapped by the Sheik! “My Lord,’ writes the falthful Ptunk, ‘is a perfect devil with the women, He is & mixture of well-bred brutality and languid insolence which gets them every time. He is the tallest, broadest, strongest, hand- somest, cruellést and most passion- ate man in Arabia. But he has got his at last." ‘Ths tale narrates how the Shetk entered the Queen's tent, at an oasis, and carried her off, hissing, through half closed eyes, ‘‘You are mine, mine, mine!"* “I heard you the first time re- sponded Balkis* * * * The courtship proceeded along the lines of asterisks and assault laid down by every best selling Sheik. He drag- ged her around the tent by her hair, she stabbed him seventeen times, she suddenly and weepingly relented, he recovered, after hovering between life and death. To quote once more from Ptunk: “yam yours,’ she cried tensely. “Take me in your strong arms and hold me close, Achmet Ben Tarzan, my beautiful Arab lover—Achmst— my Lord—' “Maybe I will, and then again maybe I won't,’ my Lord whispered sternly, but I, who know him so inti- mately, saw that all was well with them both. “My Lord," tersely — concludes Ptunk, “was vety nearly stone deaf, and became entirely so shortly after his marriage with Balkis, “Fortunate man * * * Prof. Crutch, the gifted author, we are informed by his publishers—and they do say George Putnam knows as much as anybody about the Professor js now in Central Arabia, search- ing for the Hidden Temples of Hooch, of the existence of which he is now more than ever convinced. There are readers of ‘The Queen of Sheba’? who will be convinced that the Professor already has found at least one hidden Hooch Temple and that he stayed there while he wrote the book. ——_—_—_—_—__— The Days of Play By Sophie Irene Loeb. York Evening World) tired of his toys and nt he oried Copynient, 1 ITTLE “T want to t “L want a ROY grew A nd a gun, fight."" ander, much, And the make-believe things w And he wept becaus And Father Time looked on and smiled. And soon the boy became a man, Alive with youth and the joy of living. Full many a daring deed and achievement was his, And he sighed for more worlds to conquer, like Alex “Ah, me,"’ he erled. by Press to be 1 want dier e they were not r “I must ‘be secure and safe for all time. “Success must ‘be mine, and the top of the world is not too high “Begone, you who would lead me away “From these golden hours of opportunity “Toward the silvery stars and the elusive moon to enjoy; "Tis time enough to idle and to dream when all else I have For I must make hay while the sun shines.’* And Father Time looked on and shook his head, Saying, ‘Thus is it always since the world began.’ An old man with gray hair sat uletly smoking, Wan and weary he we And he cried aloud, ‘Father Time, “Turn hack the years and teach me, teach me again, how to play ‘Is it too late? “Alway? plodding, without play'ng—this was my great game. But I have lost much “Tam ola uccess has been mine, i's work, Children about him, playing the same old games of being a man “Because I refused to play, and now I know not how “I threw away the days that were golden “And chose only those that were fron, the iron that has entered into my soul, “And the golden days are those that I nave never had: “The days of play.” know @ NAGGED out of it STARVED out of it DRIVEN out of it TALKED out of it LURED out of it Publishing wept bitterly 1 want A new series of articles, sparkling with wit, but full of basic truths that carry conviction and of vital interest to every man and woman. Do you vy man who left home because he was— brought to him Hasten on, Father Time “And give me more'to do with, that I accomplisli WHY MEN LEAVE HOME By Sophie Irene Loeb WORKED out of it RULED out SPENT out BARRED out BOSSED out of of of of it it it it On This Page—Beginning Next Monday By DO YOU KNOW | — Purse Street — pyright, 1982 (New York Evening World), by’ Press Publinhl mpany. ACK In any rew St the days when Cherry cherries on lor any pineapple ¢ tor uvenue by ui, yale over vwing on Pineapple spotted a cranberry on, the that name, there used to ww he a street In New York called Murse Street. And like other names given streets back in the good old Duteh daye—{t meant something. It meant that one of the purses in the colony was lc 1 hig white stone mansion wh built on that part of the Whitehall Street, north of Stone. The big house and the big purse belonged to none other than Goyernor Stuyve- sant, and it was this ble white house, which the English tater called the White Hall, that gave the modern name to the street. Homes of wealthy New Yorkers in those days were not like their homes to-day. Folks from Oskaloosa didn’t ride by atop dime buses, stare at the rows and rows of boarded windows and say, ‘Goodness! I bet that bix bank hag failed! Instead, they used to walk along the inore modest lanes for miles and miles to see the big white stone house, And on Sunday crowds passed down Purse present church In those days was situated In the fort near by. And in spite of the Impressions we et of blue lawa, which are blamed nour Puritan ancestors, church and irch affairs weren't so dull as they Dominie — Bogardus, — who eached at the church In the Gov- Straton of ernor'’s day, was the Dr th when it came to affording ple something to talk about. He Iminated from his pulpit every Sunday on some current evil—the wt deplorable of which seemed to the Governor himself, He in ed that his goats had tt all over Governor when it me to a at heaven ut the best scandal which brewed r the teacups of the time was an action brought by the Domini against thony Jansen Van Salee, hus hand and guardian of his wife, Grietie slandering the wife of the Dominic Jt seems that the Dominte's wife had ne occasion razzed Madame Van ee, Whereupon Madame Van Sales | sald that the Dominie’s wife, In sing through a muddy part of Nurse Street, had displayed her ankles ri than necessary ne and short of it was that fame Van Balee was forced to de In public, at the sounding of a that she hud lied falsely, and t she had never seen the aforesaid | She was further condemned to pay the costs and give three gulden J tor the poor, Copyright, (Now Fork ening World) Press Pub. Co, it, 1029. Pub. The Jarr Family lyse (New York By Copyright 66] OOK how my eel owhin as she turn hair is ered Mrs. 1 from i ror the other morning. falling dave yr mir “It's nothing but worry does it. Nothing but worry! { know you will say It's nonsense, that I have nothing to worry but Dr, Smerk causes the hair to turely, and nervousness ix caused by worry. “Your hair is all and ut, tells me nervousness: fall out prema- right, my dear,” Mr. Jarr insisted. ‘Everybody's hair falls out more or less, and new hate grows in. I think your hair Is very beautitul."* “Well, all our family on my moth er's side had lovely hair,’ Mrs. Jarr admitted, “but Aunt Ann, my moth. er's eldest sister, her hair fell out when she was twenty, and she had to wear a wig. No one ever suspected till one day the wind blew her bo off, a as her bonnet was fast a to the wig with hat pins, why, the Wig Blew off tov, und the » ~ h she was engaged to, who was walking with her at the time, broke the en fagement and Aunt Ann's heart Mr. Jarr sighed in sympathy bald recital of a family love tri and his good lady went on It was the great sorrow of Ann's life. From that day she went out of the house this dy, Aunt never except to at tend the breach of promise trial, and when the jury gave her five hundred dollars damages, she said it was no balm for a bruised heart.’ “But your hair ta all right; if ye were going to be bald, like your Aunt Ann, you'd know it by now," sald Mr. Jarre comfortingly. “I'm getting bald, and 1 know it “Being bald doesn atten man," said Mrs. Jacr re ow Mrs, Dilkens, who tined to live in th block, She had lovely «brown hair, and yet her husband's bead was as bare as @ billiard ball, and le was crazy In love with his wife. No, I remember now thei) name was not Dilkens, it wan Mergison They had no children, Some people vised to say that Mrs, Ferguson was erratic be cause she would ery for hours and then run out on the street screaming Wecawse Her husband would not let her crack walnuts on his ied “E think BE remember that,’ sald By Roy L. ning W McCardell 1d) by Mr, Jarr, ‘the woman who was a nut about cracking nuts on that poor old Publishing Go. boob's bald bean."* “Well, you needn't laugh,’’ Mrs Jarr retorted, “for except for her little failing of wanting to crack wal- nuts on her hushand's bald head when he was asleep, Mrs. Ferguson was 9 lovely little lady, They took her away in & straitjacket once, and everybody said it Was an outrage, because a straitjacket ft8 horrid, and Mes. Ferguson always wore such stylish clothes, and Mrs, Dilkens who lived next door that's how I got them mixed-—told me that Mrs, Ferguson had the loveliest cut glass in’ her china closet that she had ever seen, and yet when she lost her mind and broke the furniture with a hammer, the one she used to crack the nuts wit she never broke one piece of her handsome eut glass, so don't belleve she was really insane “It's a sad story,’’ said Mr, Jarr, “but we won't quarrel about It, and we won't worry about your hair fall- ing out, either, for it Is not fallin out." “You wouldn't worry if it was; would be just you are about poor Mrs. Ferguson tighedt Mrs. Jarr. "You ha no sympathy with any one's troubles, and if I tell you a sad story about my troubles or other people's troubles, you only grin, I wonder If your second wife will be us patient with you ax I am? un as heartless about it —_— FF To-Day’s Anniversary )-DAY is the 66th anniversary jae the first Republican Na- tional Convention, held at Philadelphia on June 17, 1856, to yominate 2 for President United States: a candidal f the John Charles Fre of California was aomi nated for President and William L, of New Jersey for Vice Dayton Vresident The the United States inte platform dealt mainly with to plunge the @ civil war. It dechired against repeal of the Missouri Compromine, against the extension of slavery into the free and called for the issues that were territories, ad- mission of Kunsas as a free & Th Kepubllicans waged a vigorous campaign but were defeated by the ate Democrats, who had chosen James Buchanan of Pennsylvania as their standard bearer. re etter! \ Fables for the Fair JUNE BRIDES By Marguerite Mooers Marshall MORAL: “Love” Is the Alibi, “st for a Multitude of Mean nesses, and Many a Bride Taketh Its Name in Vain!. , Cooma BR Niahag a ERE come the June brides, ri With their veils and boud! and trousseaux and seven- teen pickle forks apiece! Fashions in Panit 4 pers may changed, ald But the bride is the same old girl, Taking her chanem ag gallantly as ever, “ Only halt-reatige ing that It ls @ chance Whether the roe of her happiness fades with her bridal roses, i Or roots itself in her life And grows. > Porhaps everything in the world has, deen nald to the bride; a 5 Bhe has been warned to keep blue, * ribbons in her lingerie, ‘Thus keeping her husband's love— Beauty leads him by a single biwe ribbon, to paraphrase Pope, ~ She has been told T To Send Him Away to the Offices, With a Smite. And to Meet Him at the Door off Home With a Kiss, To soothe his perplexities with wifely counsel— Yet not to appear TOO Intetigént, Since a man prefers to keep the brains of the family in HIS name, It has been laid down to her as a law ‘That she must do everything to make her husband comfortable— oe Meh, poor dears, have to work 8® hard, downtown, § Answering the telephone, and spend ing two hours at lunch, and haying “conferences” — a No WOMAN understands the straiit? of modern business life! $ Not @ tack of counsels but their vas, 2 riety may trouble the modern bridé 4 Home people tell her that there should be perfect CONFIDENCR. between herself and her husband, | While others insist that she ought to” keep a bit of mystery, a hint sot impenetrable depths, about berse}f, Certain marital philonst4ers ward her that she should make titi Jealous, vecasionally, ¢ Yet others insist that every good wife does an imitation of Caesar's. “Mother him,” murmurs Mrs. Googe! body. : “Vamp him!" adjures Mrs. Wisem, But on one point they're ALL agreed! They simply never get tired of telling the bride how much she must LOVE her husband— a It's only on the technique of witety, devotion that they differ— Not of the necessity for quantity production, f So, just because everybody else is going to tell the June bride that she ean't love TOO much— a I'm going to tell her that she CAMI. 9 She can “love” him until he hates 4he sound of the verb, She can “tear passion to tatters,” Shred sentiment into mincemeat, Wear out utterly the most wonderful of all the emotions. Perhaps a person cannot really be “loved to death," But LOVE can be “worked” to degtht, “t love you," says the Bride to the® Groom, “so you must give up your™ Club; If you leave me alone in the evening, 1 shall be PERFRCTLY MISHR+ ABLE! I love you--that’s why I open yous, letters ra I'm so INTERESTED in everybody who writes to you, And, of course, you don't get any Ie ters you wouldn't want me to sée. I love you—that's the reason 1 calf you up so often at the office— . I just want to hear the sound of your volee. I ivve you— I can't stand it to have you laugh at me about ANYTHING. 4 T love you—that's why I can't beae having your mother visit ue— I want to be alone with Just You. I love you—and so L cried all day ba cause you forgot to kiss me gooder hy this: morning, I love you, and you WILL wear ties when you know I hate them, * I love you-and I think you might get me some summer fox fure, . 4 I love you, and I don't believe. you love me One Bit - you did, you wouldn't have fer gotten to buy those metinee tiekets* I love you—that's what makes me so nervous when you're late to dint If 1 didn't CARB about you, shouldn't worry I love you, and therefore I have the right to tag and nag, to spy and pry, to whine and whimpe and fuss, to separate you from your friends and family, * long as we both do live!” se Truly, “love” is the alibi for a multds tude of meannes And many a bride taketh its name vain! It so! Love is indispensable to happy mar riage, Rut—so are a sense of honor, a sense of humor, plain common tolerane Here's hoping the June bride's good fai bring some of these gifta to her wedding— Instead of QUITE so much “lovel® nae >mmon sense and ’ \ é