The evening world. Newspaper, May 24, 1921, Page 21

Summer Girls Will Soon Begin Their Hunt for Husbands THOMAS L. MASSON, HUMORIST, SOUNDS WARNING Eight Habits and Characteristics of “Deadly” Females . Are Analyzed for Protection of Eligible Bachelors. Coprrigh’ 1921, yy the Drow Publ HE open season for matrimony T With her powder puff in summer gari ix sbyest of game, (i 4ea preserve which in u women. And there's no game Itke that! She continue Ong as the powder holds o Considering the time of considering the lives of the hunted ull unmarried young men—Thomas L. “Masson, the humorist, offers a pecu- immrly timely analysis of the women mien are always marrying; ‘hat is to pay. the women marrying men! about to start American inan haw may to fil i year, and who are always Vor as Mr, Masson truly observes, in his recently pirb- ighod book, “Well, Why Not? “Man wa whole is apparently doing notti- “tf to prevent being married by the test woman who comes along. He prides himself upon his efftc but as devised no method of protecting himself from the female of t specie: “Ax ail hunted game learns, the first atop in self-protection consists in getting acquainted with the habits “Wid characteristics of the hunter, To «tnow how to elud you m first “Dow what you have & elude “In order that we may know more apd more whe fall, o brief description of the most impobt- apt specimens of female will be an ald to the numerous innocent young men who are even now coming into ‘he matrimonial hunting preserves,” explains Mr. Masson ‘And here's his little 1 honting girls: “The SPORTICUS ATHLETICUS ranges in age from sixteen {to sixty, vnd can be seen in large numbers on golf links and in tennis courts, where they leap about and utter short cries » we stand or tof husband- _of rage or victory as the cas¢ may de. They rarely settle down, and, when married, use their homes for a sase of supplies. Their husbands are used largely for changing tires looking for lost balls. “The VAMPIRE is a species not mdigenous to any climate, but seen m all parts, although its true habitat @ the Atlantic and Pacific Coasts and che Rialto. Attempts have been made to domesticate the VAMPIRE, yut with small success, although some xf the village varieties have at times yielded to the subtle lure of the ditchen sink and the cosy corner. “rhe HOUSE MARTINET is seen f considerable numbers in the suburbs, where she roams from piazza to plazza in summer and discusses the alities of her captive husband with eters of her species. She lives to a gteat age, thrives on worry and orides herself on ‘being the only specimen of her sex who knows how ‘0 keep house, thus making miserable ul who come within her stamping sround. “The BLUE CRESTED ORATOR im her youthful state is frequently seautiful and looks extremely well on qrandstands, which are her favorite yaunt. Her voice can be heard at all yours of the day and night and she @inges from coast to coast, perehing ft night on tho picket fence in front "4 the White House. “The BAT WINGED HIGHBROW iitat came from the Back Bay region, pe on and gradually spread as far yest as Lawrence, Kan., where num- yers can now be seen grazing on the inds. ‘Dhey emit or miversity plays Wequent cries of intelligence, and fend their time at authors’ readings ind musicales, thus giving thely dius. fands a breathing spell, There in iincts are sharply developed and hoy frequently find their way home anees without the ald fom long Mf the Supreme Cour JAZZY and the GOLDE {PHNDDR are both beautiful spect- gens, frequently seen together. ‘The TAZZER as a rule rises b ere noon, however, while the GOLD- IN SPENDUR is busy shopping fom dawn until dusk. She is gnown by the great extent tariety of her bills. terhe DOM ICAT! f’ not the most popular me that ought to be most in ¢ never and D DARLING 5 the mand, ind the one that all men eventually vant to marry Is her time wm the home ne s her duties i 2 2 NEW INVENTIONS ¥ 2 ILHOUE’ motion pictures S have n patented by an ) by photographic actors dressed Din black moving bef: st ea sty sereen highly {!uminated from the rear For »atomobile tourists a Cal- device can be s invented a that ifornian made in 8¢ combined to form a bed, table or chaw. otoreyele Sidecars fitted with coupe bodies that carry two pus- s have been designed in land to serve the pu of taxicabs in citi X-ray a atus has been in vented for use eo atores to enable a custome man to see if shoes being tricd on amp the bones few days mor limiting ier bug of hearts as long ac—well, By Marguerite Mooers Marshall. (Thy New York bvening Wold) « about to open! one hand, her fon in the oiler, th on her annual hunting trip for that Every beach, every mountain resort, Wil be teeming with skilled sports buck—nothing teh girl te one as GOING DOWN! Tie New York Eveuing Work!) D ZAR READER: Peace of session It ts acquired adually disposing of thought, such as worry, anxiety and the like worrying by setting aside one- half hour daily in whieh te came up he would make a note of tt and dismiss it .uatil his Worry after all, nothing but fear, To conquer fear keep until you acquire peace of mind. Yours truly, Copsrigit. 121, he pie Brews Publiahing Us, mind is a priceless pos- things which cause unnecessary A man once cured himself of worry. If an unpleasant thought regular worry period. doing what you are afraid to do ALEALVA. SMITH... witn her mate, never fites too high or too low, grows more beautiful as time oes on, and is frequently referred to 8 ‘good old pal.’ She is the only specimen that no man need be afraid ot" Finally, take it from Mr, Masson— he is a humorist, you are again re- minded—this whole man-hunt thing has got to be changed. “We delude ourselves,” he declares, “with the idea that Nature supplies us witn instincts and, therefore, enables us to be ap- propriated by the right girl each time. ‘The only trouble with this beautiful theory is that it doesn't work. For jf we really obeyed it, a man would want to marry quite a large proportion of all the females he meets. Some do. But if the most of us did, we would be spending a large part of our alleged leisure time in jail. “The great issue of the near future 1s self-deterniination for all husbands. Men must be privileged to make their own choice and accept no substitutes —unless they so desire. Eventuaily, there must be a hymeneal clearing house, where, if necessary, wives can be exchanged without disturbing the balance of home trade. Now, if. a man substitutes one wife for another, it costs so much that the rate of ex- change Is likely to upset even the local plumbers ‘unio “Well, Why Not?” Doubleday, Page & Co, published by YES, WE HAVE RENTED A Lovely PLACE FoR THE z J YOu REALLY WOULD LIKE A Bachelor’s Comyrigtis, 1921, by tise Prove Publ : (The Now York brening Worthy °° ESTERDAY was Bill's birthday and so I sent him a pipe, with cigarette holder to match, out of vemembrance to the day, Last night I met him at the club and he asked why that gift to the house, for he stepped into a puddle of » because his wife didn’t allow hin to smoke, and now ‘she knew he moked when she was not with him else I would never have sent such a gift. And io prove to her that the KIT was a take he told her sho could throw them away for all of him and she did—fo: t was the unly way out of it ail, Lcan't understand how she has such control over Bill, for he ix so stern and set yn business, But wil that is too complicated for me— aad I never could understand women, least of all other men's wives. Biull says when I come over to his house this evening to play cards not to let on about knowing ‘that he smoked and that one could still get a highball at the club, for he said, you know, how women are on such things and that his wife is a tittle different from other women on smoking and guch Well, T got back from Bill's home ll right. And his wife believes that it was all a mistake because she@still thinks I have not seen Bill since we left college and I said that T didn’t know that he had quit since he got married, and that she must have been the reason for his good resolution, and she smiled and said: “Yes, BHI was such a good husband because he never smoked or drank or anything like that, and always stayed right at work when she took her summer va- cation and he always got tied up in business and could not go with her. Andt she didn't mind because Bill liked to go hunting and 6he wanted to go to the beach.” Bill told me later that he was glad T didn't smile, for that was the way he got two vacations, And when his wife got back he always went to ul fish, but the o was near a pretty large town, so he didn't mind. And his wife thought he was wa out in the woods some: where, miles and miles from the ne: eat log cabin and that he ate bacon, fish, wild meat and drank nothing but ada to hu the’ clear spring. r. She was happy, for she said he always looked #0 Much better When he got back. Bill fe a good fellow, howev we always go the th - when his wife goes on her vacation ne. So T don't tnind the old boy losing his birthday gifts. Any way, had another good laugh down at club to-d ver iny rolatake and he would have to get some peppermint bi he dared yventu home, and we did, so everything was all right for bis little evening “hello, - . . Copyright, 1921, by The Pree Burianing Co The Now York Evening Sort) | HEAR YOu VE RENTED A LOVELY COTTAGE IN THE Sm COUNTRY ¢ y S FISHING FoR AN INVITATION WIFEY BRING THe PHOTO oF THE COTTAGE By Maurice Ketten LEAVE IT To ME Copyright, 1921, by the Press Publishing Co, WOMAN writes me and she but echoes the words of many * BY SOPHIE: San Tt is a story replete with years of Woe and weariness, of living day by day with a dead hope in her heart. Away back there in the carly days a man came along and they were in love with each other, but somehow or other his love grew cold, and slow- ly but surely he left off seeing her until he was gone altogether. There have been two or thite oc- casions where he had returned and she had seen him. He had tried to be polite and even Kind, signs whica she mistook fo the old flame, and hope in her heart was revived to dic again at his departure, But, Wways and forever, every day she dreams that he will come back and be the same as he was in the early days, when he thought he was in love with her. I happen to know the man and «iso that he plans to marry very soon some one else. It was just a case of where he discovered that he did not love the woman of the long ago and he did not want to make two liv misera| sought the means he knew—to leave. When, oh, when, will people realize, especially women, that there ls noth- ing so dead as a dead love How often have [told in these col- umna of the folly of trying to keep wive a thing that has ashes, only he he turned to If I were this woman I would say to myself now, as she should haye done long ago: do not mean to grieve and wear my soul out for some one who gives me not a single thought. Cost what it may, 1 will crush this foolish feeling that he may come, back, and go for- ward to meet friends more worthy than he.” After all, when you stop to analyse it, the world is full of men, and the old adage still holds good, “There are as good fish in the sea as ever was caught." In truth, the Lord did not make vin tn 4 cert: mould and then cast the mould away, for many men eV rely One than may lave a certain ¢ & speolat attrac ner f . a delightful man You may.not fod the same DEAD LOVE IRENE LOEB + (The Now York Evening World.) quality to admire and love in one man that you find in another, yet it is not possible that there Is only one man in the whole wide world with whom a woman could be happy. In other words, the Woman, as in this case, who builds up in her mind the great ideul of this one man re- fuses to see anything nice in others. She hugs close to her heart the dead love and fatls to see the possible live ones around her, And keeping herself in such @ frame of thought centred on one person, she does not try to be uttracti show her finer ties to and therefor: not friendship, and the possibility of another love whieh ts folly, to say the least, I have known women who have te- come old and wrinkled and gray and lost. much thac was beautiful clinging to a false hope and crawl- ing into thetr ehells, us It were, up til their beauty and youth and sweet- nes# were gone, If 1 were the above 1 would throw off my choly mien and try to be 4 ena gracious to men w way. I would sw » the dus out of my heart ld make "mercy heave sighs. one soon the truly right around the eorner, for one must ad m.t that he who forg love and lets die has never been the right tnvn and might have mate a very wble married partner, yes, the sooner lov the better! of quali others, does win the all of by womaa mentioned melan leasunt ame my uf deat ind home and ther than can tell how mun will eome Ah, lead ime buries a T dD HAT 7 Comrighit, 1921, dy the Pree Pribliaiing Co, (he New York Brening World.) QUESTIONS. 1, What is the State flowor of lowa? 2. What continent is sometimes called the Land of the Dawn? 3. What automatic apparatus is used for regulating temperature? 4. Who cut the Gordian knot with ss sword? 5. In what respective directions did the commands “gee” and “haw” direct driven oxen to turn? 6. In what ancient country did the Seven Wise Men live? 7. What happy paradise of Greek mythology was the abode of the blessed dead? 8. By what other name is rhubarb sometimes called? 9. What name is applied generally to any woven fabrics? 10. What sea lies northeast of Alaska? ANSWERS. 1, Wild rose, 2. Asi 3. Thermo- 4. Alexander the Great. 5. Right and left. 6, Pie plant. 9. Greece. 7. Elysium. 8 ‘Textiles. 10. Beaufort Foreign-Born Women Best Savers ings Department of t 56 West 45th Street at the Williamsburg Savings Bank. Mrs, Ritchey depositors at the clares that the “Vor Mrs, to] to save, and ca pleasure than tor co Amerie tf there ts an t the with ‘what's lett, 8, PORTER ELIZABETH RIVCHEY, Director of the Home Sav- Savings Bank Association of New York, at recently interviewed over 500 depositors ras also interviewed a number of Franklin Savings Bank, the Ameri can, Bowery and Citizens’ Savings Banks, and she de- foreign-born woman far surpasses the American woman in saving her money, ign-born women save Ritehey, “for they know abroad they must say e, But American women usually ha instinctively,” said to le n learn more readily’ to save dread of the rainy day worn always sa " @ign woman saves first and bu Se a - BY NEAL R. OHARA + The Following Being the “Low Down” on the Preliminaries and Main Bout of the Goose Convention at Peoria, Il. Prescriptions Will Be Distributed as Well as Cures for Wood Alcohol Poisoning. Copyrignt Grand and Superlative Headquarters ORDER OF GEESE, Buttonhook Db“ BROTHER GOOSE: The A8al, by the Prem Publishing Co. (The New York Brening World.) - of the ANCIENT AND LUXURIOUS Falls, Kan., May 24, 1921, noble and virile order to which you beiong (provided you can show a cerise-colored card, counter- signed by the Grand and Lofty Secretary), 8 we were saying, the noble and virile order holds its Annual and Mammoth Convention next Jupa. Peori Ill, has been selected as the immortal ground for the Geese.to foregather, and the committee urges that you attend, accompanied by bag- Sage, straw suitcases and credentials from your home lodge. * The convention will last from June 18 to 22, including meals. Spe- cial low railroad rates have been ar- ranged at only 10 per cent. plus the usual fare. You are urged to be Present in person as well as intoxi- cated, The following Esteemed and Mighty programme has been mapped out: June 18—Triumphant arrival of delegates, Official presentation of key to city jail, Registration and distribution of badges in the Pink Room of Hote] Gazoo, Compulsory shower baths for visiting orothers. Address of welcome by Mayor Ly sander Q. Grool. Response by Most Worshipful and Mighty Goose Eph- raim T. Snezz. Grand reception in the Mauve Room of Hotel Gazoo. The management assumes no re- sponsibility for loss of hats, coats, badges or breath. Sublime and en- thralling exhibition of pyrotechnics at Ginyp Memorial Park. June 19—Lecture, “Ancient and Luxurious Geese That I Have Met in a Professional Way," by Sheriff Felix Grump. An exalted and meri- torious tour of the city in motor cars furnished through, the courtesy of Limp & Leak, Inc., dealers in see- ond-hand junk and accessories. Write for free catalogue. Unveiling of statue of Simon McFuddie, foun- der, auditor and cashier of the An- cient and Luxurious Order of Geese. Biographical appreciation of Simon McFuddie oy Bertillon Pinkerton Burns, Resident Manager of the Pe- oria Shadowing & Framing Co. June 20—Grand distribution of prescriptions to visiting delegates. Business meeting to consider altera- tion of handshake and substitution of secretive wink. Convention re- port on erection of home for Geese who are suffering from wood alcohol blindness, Games and sports at Dooley's Ball Park, including target practice, crap shooting, fist fighting and leapfrog. In the evening, grand iNumination of the brothers, includ- ing free-for-all fracas in evening clothes. (Prizes.) June 21—Tour of waterfront and visit to Brother Geese in the County ACCOMPANIED BY BAGGAGE AND CREDENTIALS, x Jail. Business meeting in Peoria car barns. Report of Committee on Forged Credentials. Grand and ef- fulgent parade of visiting Geese, re- viewed at City Hall by the Mayor and bootleggers. ' Dinner, cabaret and rouch-house in Lavender Room of Hotel Gazoo, Concert by Patrol- men's Glee Society, accompanied by police whistles. Extraordinary ex- hibjtion of ‘nightstick juggling .by members of uniformed force, assisted by skulls from the audience. June 22—Report of Committee on Furnishing Bail for Derelict Geese, Business meeting, Mass attack of delegates to choose convention site for 19 Report of Committee on Petty Grafting. Resumption of mass attack. Report of the Committee on Recipes. Election of Supreme and Sanctified Goose and slate of subsidi+ ary but scintillant Geese. Argue ments over hotel bills, Minor en- gagements with bellhops and house cops. Conclave of all delegates in Union Depot. Three cheers for Po- ora, Nine razzberries and a blind tiger. Departure of delegates on local freights. THE /ARR FAMILY oy L.. M¥CARDELL_ Copyright, 1931, by the Prem Publishing Co, 2 came into Mr. the other day and Oh, say, a little thing terday that isn't of much “¢, perhaps, but [ thought I'd speak to you about it.” “Well, out with dt,” replied Mr, Jarr. “Why, L was up in the shopping dls- Uict yesterday,” said Rangle, “And [ met Mrs, Jarre, My mind was on something and | wasn't paying much aitention to what was going on imound me when she passed me and bowed. She looked so fine that didn't know her t that she doesn’t look fine all the time, you know, old n-and 0 1 didn’t realize that 1 1in't spoken to her till she wus past. “I then looked back and saw her looking back, but didn’t think it quite the proper thing to wave my hand to her or run baok after her and attract attention to both of us, Tam afraid she may think I was rude in not returning her bow or stopping ty speak tc he Mr. Rangle was not half through with his explanation before Mr. Jarr had resolved to taka advantage of his serious view of the trivial mat- ter by hazing bis friend and neigh- bor Mr. Jarr held up ‘4 too bad!" bad?" erted gle,” he said, “it “What's Rangle, “no ¢! No offense was meant friends wi too M- t harm's been done. The best of netimes do hurry by that way without recog It's too bad,” Mr, Jarre repeated, aking his‘head solemnly, " wasn't ng to Say a thing about it, think- rhaps Mrs, Jarr was mistaken. he first told me, T said to her, that's impossible! It couldn't been Kangle. Nangle would never do a thing like that!" “Why, thunderation! What are you talking \ike that for?’ gasped the astounded Rangle, “It isn't a erime while engaged in recognize her.” zed her all right. 1 m, you kno! rs ing When have to pass a lady thought, and not “Oh, you 1 now, But [ wouldn't have " 4 it of you, old man.” said Mr 1 r just come right out with Ate yell MME ed {Mn Mua te j what happened, and IU leave it te you \f it's worth making > cabialdig (Teo Now York hrening World) all this row about! “You are not telling me just what happenes said Mr. Jarr firmly. “What did Mrs. Jarr tell you?" asked Mr, Rangle, thickiy, going red and white by turns, “A@ soon as 1 got home," said Mr. Jarr, preserving @ straight face, ‘Mrs, Jarr came to me with blazing eyes and said you leered in her face and winked at her!" “What, wha——what?” stammered Rangle. “Winked at her, repeated the sol- emn joker, “She said you winked at he do when she gave you a stony stare and walked on, she saw you turn around and wink at her again “Ea, Jar!” replied the astounded victim of the hazing. "I can't say your wife's a liar, but she's she's——well, never mind And out he went. A day later Mrs, Jarr came down to Mr, Jarra office. “That's a ni: friend of yours, that man Rangle!" whe cried. “I met him just now and he winked at me in the most insult- ing manner!” lly Mak Goprrigh:, 1981, by We remem Pubieming Co, AKING jelly with perfect fruit M is no economy. use soit i such fruit for eating a But if you have small fruit or that must be used to prevent spoiling, convert jt into jelly, Also use the cores and parings of fruit for jellies. ome If you want perfect jelly use fruit rich in acid and pectin, ‘The gives !t flavor and the pectin makes it jell, Tart fruits, such a p i currants and tart apqdes, con 18, tain large quantities of both and ma the best jelly, Underripe fruits ar (n the same c er discard the et and [oe wotia is found kin or around the why jurings and cores alone uiak excellent jelly, Ma oune es never make an apple or peach pio without securing at least one te By Emilie sams a _ The Housewife’s Scrapbook :VER wash silverware with soap and it will re- tain its lustre, Polis with a chamois skin or one of the prepared cloths, When frying left-over cereal it improves the crispness if the slices are dipped in white of an eee before frying. The spring rains are apt to make the pantry damp. Keep 4 small box of lime on the shelf and the alr will be dry and pure, ‘The lime should be newed occasionally When brown shoes begin to wear off at the tips put a thin coat of shellac over them and when dry polish them as usual. Some housekespers dislike to uso washing powders in boil- ing cloth A lemon will do the same work and not injure the fabrics. Remove the rind of the lemon and cut in slices before putting into boiler. The clothes will come out perfectly white, and all stains will be re moved. ing Hints Hoffman (The Now York Uveniug World.) glass of Jelly Quantity, favor, ¢ ot lor and texture depend upon the amount of used, ‘Too much sugar gives y that will not hold its too little sugar makes Three-quarters of a cup ne cup of juice is the used for average jelly sugar te standard fruit juices, amount Add done to the sugar when jelly is halt ure @ clear light jelly with flavor. You will avoid a fs you carefully skim jelly before adding the sugar. The time required for cooking jelly varies with different fruits, but le important as too long cooking will give a dark candied jelly and insuf- t ficient cooking will produce a watery jelly, ‘Test it by dropping a little into lee wat Ic it hardens it, la tone, When two drops form aside by side done, on the edge of the spoon it ip if i *? fit 4 Hit Ht a * ae } ' i ee eet oe no