The evening world. Newspaper, April 21, 1917, Page 12

3 Reminds Us of the Saying: ‘Little Flivvers Have Big Horns!” About Plays and Players By BIDE DUDLEY FTER all, a producer tent really necessary to make @ play or Musical piece @ success. All ne needs is an audience, and that fan't hard to get if one puts “Free” on the invitations and serves a little tea after the entertainment. If you are inclined to doubt the foregothg, ask Adam Hull Shirk, Harold R. Par- sons or Edward Gage. They know, for they have tried it, and they didn’t have to pay the audience a wingle cent These three gentlemen have con- dooted a musical play called “Simply Great.” It was named after they had finished {t and had thoroughly dt- gested their work. Mr. Gage served in a double capacity. He helped write the book and lyrics and then fur- ished the music, When no producer cornered them and compelled them to let him stage their play, the three summoned an audience to No, 47 Washington Square and gave a dem- onetration of their masterpiece. KEd- p and Harold » When the demonstration was over al were pleased. In “Simply Great" the heroine ts Joan of Arc, the hero David Garrick and the chief comedian Omar Khay- yam. That's all we'll tell you about it, so don't be asking a lot of willy ques- tions, now! LEAN’S NEW BOAT, Cect! Lean of “The Blue Paradise” has purchased a sea sled which ts supposed to be able to make forty miles an ho He has named it “There She Goes.” To provide for any emergency, however, he has had & aign painted to hang over th of boat. It reads: Lays. She FOUR ONE-ACT PLAYS. Beginning with a subscribers’ re- hearsal to-morrow evening and con- tinuing for two matinees—April 24 and 26—the Morningside Players will offer at the Comedy Theatre four one-ect plays. They are “Hattie,” by Elva DePue; “Markheim,” by Zillah K. MacDonald; “One @ Day," by Caroline Briggs, and “The Home of the Free,” by Elmer L. Reizenstein. BY WAY OF DIVERSION, He didn't want Mary, for Mary wus Plain and wore home-made clothing and hats. Her old-fashioned ways rather gave him a pain, for Joe wore high collars and spats. And so he wed Bess, whom he thought up to date, for Bess loved the tango and such. “At last,” he declared, “I've located a mate who fits me and me much.” A year passed and he found that his life was mot what he thought it would be ‘The holes in his socks didn’t worry hig wife, She'd calmly announce: “I can’t gee why | should be called on to darn hose for you. You married a wife, not a slave, Why wear out the old socks? Go purchase some new.” And not a red cent could he save Joe didn't want Mary #0 Mary be- came the wife of another, Tom Brown. Now Tom oes around loudly making the claim to having the best wife in town. Ho's bought out the store where he worked, and poor Joe is clerking for Tom ev'ry day. There may be a lesson in this. Well, if so, absorb it and take it away, ELEPHANTS WOULD PLOUGH. How would you like to have your garden ploughed up by elephant power? —_ Bill er Powers, trainer of the Hippodrome pachyderms, is looking for a country home for his charges for the suminer, If you have about 3800 acres you would put in vegetables and there 1s @ wooded plot nearly where the elephants may rest, write Bill Elmer and there's no tell- ing what will happen. Gossip. Dixte Girard won't leave the Hippo- drome until next Saturday. Vernon Castle is scheduled to arrive in Nova Scotia Monday Ernest Royster left here last aight for the West, ahead of “The Masked Model.” John Philip Sousa broke 125 clay targets out of 150 at a trap-shooting contest in Boston yesterday and won @ trophy. 7T report that George Bronson Howard is now scenario editor for Fox is wrong. Sidney Reynolds atill bast job. The Rialto will give away but 100 copies of Douglas Fairbanks's book each morning next week. ‘These will 0 to lady patrons, The 1917 West Point graduating class attended “Love o' Mike” at Maxine Elliott's Theatre last night. Mollie King, now a film star, will return to the stagy to-moi: ow evening in the Winter Garden's concert Jane Cowl and Jane Murfin, who wrote “Lilac Time," have joined the Junior Patriots’ organization, Miss » aide | I Donr Hine MUCH oF THAT Yeo X WANNA “TeeL Y6oMeTHIN' WeRY | WERY IMPORTANT ] “HEN” Yezzat Cowl will make hospital supplies, while Mra, Murfin will try to be a wireless operator, Joseph Green, the Cambridge Oak, cagout-argue all comers at the Green- | room Club, If you think It isn't, Joo | will show you where it ts, darn quick A FOUR PART BILL, The one-act plays which the East- | West Playors will prosent at the Edu. | cational Alliance April 23, 26 and 30 are “At the Th shold, by Peter Hirachbein; “The Dollar,” by David Pinski; “She Must Marry a Doctor,” | by Sholom Alvichem, and "Night," by Sholom Asch, They are all frou the Yiddish, A THOUGHT FOR TO-DAY. Speaking of miccess, Lsuac Holton of Blooch, Ky., has a beard seven feet | long which he braids hiunself. FOOLISHMENT. FROM THE CHESTNUT TREE. “I'm going to give up cigars.” “Fine! Lneed one, Commence!” JOE'S DIAGNOSIS, COLORED MAN entered the general store of a small Ohio | town and complained to the storekeeper that a ham that he had purchased there a few days before | Bad proved not to be good. “The ham is all right, Joe,” inststed the storekeeper, “No, it ain't, other. “Dat ham's eure bad.” “How can that be,” continued the atorekeeper, “when it was cured only last week?” Joe reflected solemnly a moment and then suggested: “Maybe it done had a relapse.”— ‘The Youth's Companion, RIGHTEOUS WRATH, WHOLESALE house, in recety- ing an order from a dealer, up- ‘on investigation was forced to reply that it did not care to enter Into business relations except on the basis of cash in advance. By go do- aS brought upon itself all sorts of blessings in the following letter: “In answer to yours, juss received, . We Deg to way, Praise tho, We insisted the | |sertenly do thank you for your dest- jUon. Concerning our correspondence | Jot @ few days ago, Which we think |you know all About, “We Agane thank you for your stand in the matter, For we don't want to do any business with Aset of sinners, That we don't think are willing to do wright. But we trust | at your spertial eyes will be opened, | So you can #ee your real condition, it becomes too late, And you | into the lake which burns | and brimstone, where there | walling and nashing pray for our ene- World. WASTED TALENTS. train robber suddenly ap. HE | peared as many of the passen- gers were preparing to retire for the night. “Come, shell out!" he demanded, as he stood towering above an Eastern clergyman, who had just finished a| devout prayer, The minister looked at him sadly for a moment and then said: | “If I had such energetic fellows aa| you to pass the plate now and then, I might have something to give )$u,"— * Peiaal ‘“"'S'MATTER, POP?" oe On: H- 4-4, He's Not A” Passencer PoP e Convriaht. 1917, Prous Publianing Ca OM # DYe KNow “HENRY” AY Y'PARTY LACT NIGHT NW'WIFES ZIGTER “MINNIE” PROMIGED To MARRY ME 7 CA YES HENRY” GHES % BE ME FUTURE ((s WIFE-AN' I DO Hope. W'WIFE WILL 0. FoRGive ME FoR H Ae Med TAKIN’ HER TAT RIGHT < AWAY me? Wig Keo US a f — ere a YY wei Tle Be DIGGERED?! Foraive Yuu? DAWGONIT Doe” CouRGe SHE “THIS IS A LONELY LIFE T LIVE. JusT A PooR SIMP OF A BACHELOR! \ NOBODY LOVES ME. LOVE IS NOT FOR ME. ~ MY COUNTRY NEEDS ME AND \'M GONNA ENLIST ! NNN NO GIRL WOULD EVER MARRY A FISH LIKE ME. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME ? 1 THOUGHT 1 HEARD A GIRL SAY-” THAT SOLDIER IS HANDSOME! } SUPPOSE ITS MY FACE . LNEVER WON ANY MEDALS FOR my Beauty! ——___ 1 WONDER. \ SEND MEA } PICTURE CARD? (vane) v Copyright, 1911, Press Publishing Ca. (MW. ¥, (\s THIS ME? ; Saturday, A NNHY ATS WHY Y'Eo | Good “To Me F pril 21, 1917 TH “PARTY” WuZz For t wor “Ve " ‘ | Lucile the Waitress By Bide Dudley | 66 CRAY," said Lucile, the waitress, S to the friendly patron, ener?" don't you?” “Maybe I do,” she replied. thought be sald ‘armature.’ “Who was that?” He just went out about an hour ago. | When he takes his seat at the counter | he says to ‘How much are pota- | ‘Mashed potatoes ten cents,’ say “‘T mean how much a pound.’ | ‘We don't pound ‘em, we crush ‘em,’ I tell him. He gets pee snorts, “Now, listen, friend! You know) and I know that no man should get redictatorial with a waitress, Wait- resses aro the most independent do. mictles in the world, if I do eay so| myself, Fighting about false food | makes ‘em that way, Wall, when he asks ine how much mashed pota- toes are by the bushel and gets dis- gruntled about tt, I snarl up, “‘Lasven, Mister,’ I shoot at bim, ‘don't come in here asking the price of mashed potatoes by the bushel or you'll get an indetrimental sentence in the booby hateh, You wouldn't want @ lot of Insane alienistics paw- ing you over in a padded cell, would mu?" “*My dear young lady,’ he tells me. ‘I mean potatoes just out of the ground. I'm an armeture gardener and I want to plant potatoes,’ “'al right,’ I sa)», relaxing into sensibility, ‘go on aud plant ‘em this time, but don't you ever, ever ask my ermisaion again.” Persay, Papa! I wish you could caught the look he gave me. First Ty eore and then he gets am- ie again. ‘Well, I declare!’ he ‘That's a pretty good one. out «the potatoes? But Copyright, 1017, by the Proms Publishing Co, (The New York Evening World), “did| to start kolng to raise vegetables. I'm got ome be wa mon aver hake Of an axmnatire| some idea as to the cost.’ “ | to get’ some ou mean an amateur gardener, | you com. veg about farming, v “A fellow who came in here to|ture gardener and raj revile @ little in delicious edibilities. 7 Ou Gane make a lot of money,’ other!’ I says, "P tisten, stuff, will you? GoM Dane off thas |your little axe and 1| Barden, but for the on | Coleman, pacefico,' . |road_in a book! It “'Oh, L mean by the bushel,’ ho| 4@ never spouts again,” Sure!” Lucile wi Returning a nenk te etee “By tho way, get a diagnosis hoo! arden: Lf potatoes greg: A oe L thy I might tickle uw: yard and Krab off a banker” Wen say you, friend and follow oltises how Haven't you got any dope?’ “[ give bim one look, ‘I thought you got into the wrong place,’ I says, ‘I¢ you're looking for dope, kindly don't oome around here asking mo for the disputable stuff, I don’t use "ne senate,’ be tolls me Tm garden, and I want “Oh, excuse me!' 1 says. ‘You © to the fa here did you get your sense of ~ Do I look Uke @ diai ‘T rosign,' he says Why don't you become an 80 Vegetables’ ts my goates. ‘Now Go home and get p down he sake of Old © remain sleepio “Just @ touch of the olf Latin, 1 dose the works let m opped him, eh? moment later I wonder where a ne ing to be #0 weald * NE trial has con- vineed thousands of women that the use of VAN’S NORUB insures cleaner clothes (> half the time—andme rubbing is required. «gf, Your dealer sellett, ¥ 5c & 10c packages. 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