The evening world. Newspaper, June 28, 1912, Page 3

HOW A HIGH PRIVATE PUT ~INAIS DAY AT BALTIMORE ~ DISCUSSED BY GEORGE ADE Big Trout in His Native Brook Is Just One Dinky Unit in a Long Column of Figures When He Goes to the Convention. : BY GEORGE ADE. (Coprright, 1012, by George Ade.) Wence Jimmison, Antioch, Ind. MY DEAR VANCE: While I was spending six months in Chicago last ‘week I discovered that large bodies move slowly, because the motion is all ‘Up and down instead of forward. We came on here under a guarantee that we would see a quick, snappy show, instead of which we have been sit- ting disgustedly on the high shelf taking in an exhibition of floun- dering. If the Republican Convention had been copyrighted, this Baltimore show couldn't have been pulled off at all. I don’t mean to suggest that the essential and underlying spirit that animates the white doves this week is the same that governed the vultures and turkey buzzards last I have been assured to the ry by many speakers. But the routine here is a carbon copy of Chi- cago. Here it 1s Thursday evening, and the convention just getting organ- ized. For three hours to-day the Temporary Chairman kept on bang- ing away and megaphouing and en- treating ten thousand maniacs to please behave. The Credentials Com- mittee had worked around to Illinois, when I sneaked out to let you know that this has been a dull, dreary off- day, and late this afternoon us coun- try savers don’t know just where we were at. 1 do somehow seem to smell {t in the air that the Wilson people ‘are more cheerful and confident to-day than yesterday. Of course the local sen- timent is for Wilson, and the galleries do their darndest every time his Same is mentioned. That helps some. Still, the growing faith and fighting enthusiasm of his loyal bunch on the floor of the convention are inspired by the belief that the more the delegates ponder over the situation the more evident it will be that a party claiming to be progressive will have to name a eal progressive as the candidate, or else enter the campaign on the defensive. There, I am glad I got that ponderous clrunk of political wisdom out of my system. SPELLS OF EMOTIONAL INSANITY. ‘This afternoon, while the convention was fussing over the South Dakota contest and each spokesman was fighting against a dozen storm centres of mob violence, we had one of those perlodical “demonstrations.” Tt started with Wilson and wound up with the banners of all the candidates balled up fh the aisles and about half of the delegates up on their chairs throwing fits, while the other half sat back, lcoking bored and disgusted. ‘These twenty-minute spells of emotional insanity don't seem to jar me ge they used to. A good many years ago I would jump up on my chair and fook out over the vast expanse of cyclonic disturbances, and feel repaid for coming because I thought I was helping to make history. Now I feel sure that I am simply helping to make a lot of unnecessary noise. Good news! The, Washington delegate sleeping in the hallway brings fm word that Ollie James has made his speech and to-night he will start on the grand interstate lung contest. The high private will get a chance to par- ticipate. Let me tell you about the high private. As I wrote you once before, going to a convention consists largely of being pushed off the sidewalk, Ninety-nine per cent. of those present are imply standing around to get in the way of the one per cent. that is framing up the bill of fare and really directing the whole entertainment. We of the 99 per cent. think we have something to do with the developments because We spout around the hotels and tell the eminent speakers in the convention to shut up and sit down, but I guess the combined ice we cut this weel: wouldn't make a very large cake. It would be more on the order of cracked Baltimore, June 27, GEORGE “ADE You take some fellow who 1s a big trout in his native brook—me, for fnstance. When he boards the accommodation train, with no credentials except his vocal cords and enough money saved up to buy an acre of good nd, he looks pretty important to the small boys down to see the train go through. When he gets up here he ts just one dinky unit in a mighty long column of figures. He 1s a leaf blown hither and thither by the shifting breezes, a penny whistle on the outekirts of a band concert, WHAT “HIGH PRIVATE” REALLY DOES. + Probably the boys around the store imagine that I get up early every ‘morning to hurry over and have a confab ith Tom Taggart or Senator Bank- head, give John Kern a fow tips on the platform and then hike to the conven- tion hall to sit on the rostrum near Norman Mack and keep him posted on the real undercurrent of feeling in the Middle West. Let me give you the ‘peal outline of a busy day put in by one of us self-appointed gallery gbas. The patriot puts in a restless night, There are people rushing up and Gown the hallway until after 2 A. M. Occasionally the howl of a prairie wolf fw heard somewhere in the next block, Doors slam and motor cars keep up 4 Aimtant squeaking. Somewhere beyond the partition {s # muffled dispute over Champ Clerk's total an the first ballot. He passes into a state of coma at 8 A, M. and is awakened at 6 A, M. by the fluttering of an early bird in the bathroom, As he comes t6 and sees eflent figures curled on surrounding cots and hears gentle snoring, varied by th occasional death rattle, he remembers that he is in the great city of Balti- more trying to do his duty. He and several other sleepyheads in home-mede nighties group themselves around the solitary wash basin. Then he picks out a few articles of apparel from the rummage sale strewn on the floor and chairs, Being at least 30 per cent. restored to life, he wanders into the street, READY TO DO HIS FULL DUTY THE. Hight nwsboys attack him and block his way and brandish big horse-sale headlines in front of him. One sheet says that the cards are stacked for Champ Clark, who will go through on the third ballot with 772 votes, Thi other says that the progressives have rallied to Wilson, who is about to sweep the convention like a tornado, The breakfast place hasn't hed time to straighten up from the day be- fore. At every table the boys wearing badges and buttons motion at the waiters galloping in and out.and want to know what became of their scram- bled eggs. Even the coffee is agitated, splashing out of the cups. ‘After breakfast the pilgrim from the faraway whistling post, who came on here to help his delegation defend the ancient faith and carry the favorite gon on their shoulders, finds himself out on the curbstone, He is now ready to help the delggation, but no one has seen the delega- tion for twenty-four hours, He thinks the time has come to put in a few licks for the candidate picked out by the caucus, but the material on which to work is not promising. He 1s elbowed back and forth by red-faced-shout- #7. every one of whom is already tagged all over the front of his coat, also ‘shat. He hears a band of music, Jt is playing "Maryland, My Mary- *and.” ‘An Underwood banner goes sweeping around the corner, with firecrackers Poppins ‘on all sides of it. ees a whirlpool of hats bobbing around one of those extemporaneous Joint eed, so he butts right into the heart of it. He finds a red whiskered ‘HE EVENING WORLD, “FRIDAY, “HIGH PRIVATE’ AT CONVENTION, PENNY WHISTLE AT BAND CONCERT-ADE | JUNE 28, 1012. Wife of the President, Who Attended Baltimore Convention (Copyright by J.. Knowles Bishop, Wash.) LIGHTER SIDE OF CONVENTION BALTIMORE, June 2%—During the excitement 1: night some one turned loose a white dove which flutteerod about the celling of the hall evidently badly frightened. “Ie that the. dove of peace?’ asked Senator Luke Lea of Tennessee. “Le s0, it's true to the Bible in having diMficuly findlfig a piace to rest its foot." “And: nelther-e-it-returning with any olive branch: in its beak,” said Sen- ator John Sharp Williams of Mississippi. the best speakers. He was one of the few men who could not get « hearing for his nominating speech. Many of the speakers had great troublo with the tired audience, but Smith ran into a particularly stormy moment and never got beyond his opening paragraph. nally, in despair, he cried: “Oh, I move we all adjourn and go to breakfast,” but even this motion did Not penetrate the racket. James propoxed adjournment at the end of the tedious all-night session, all seomed willing except one of the tally clerks on tho platform. He, a stout, ederly man, jumped to his fect and ob- Jected in strenuous tones and with wild gestures. He explained afterward th he 1s a dolegate-at-large from Louisian Ewing by name, and a strong partisan of Champ Clark. He sald would give a chance for trades which would hurt Clark's chances, If the balloting ‘ould be forced he believed Clark would in, During one of the 4Vilaon demonstra- tions, an enthusiastic rooter produced 4 handsome rooster and held it aloft to Kindle enthusiasm, .but the bird had been so long kept under a seat where the ventilation was not to liking, that his partisanship had gone, and .not | only did hé refuse to crow, but he even refused to sit up when held aloft, pre- ferring to dangle head down as though lfeless. Sargeant-at-Arms John I, Martin qual- ified for his duties as a policeman by| About 3 o'clock tn the morning a man sleeping through most of the session | with two boxes of crackers and some from midnight on, His quiet retreat for | small peaches did a land office business his nap was the middle of the speakers’ |in the galleries among the famished platform. | people. Nobody cared for appearances. | Bottles of pop were unceremoniously In the United States Senate, Smith of | consumed ant the product of a nearby South Carolina is regarded as one of | ple foundry had a great vogue. pincushion that.Champ Clark never done nothing that wasn't open and above- | board in every, way, shape, manner and form. | ‘The party worker: backs away from this superfluous eruption and jotns the trudging procession toward the Belvedere Hotel. Maybe he can go up there and get hold of somebody and put in @ good word for the only man qualified to ve the party, He stands outside the tall, gray hotel and looks |up at the rows of blinding windows and wonders what he had better do next. WILLING TO TAKE A HAND, BUT- He knows that in sume remote corner ox an upper floor one of those stage whisper conferences 1» changing the future history of the world. He would lke to go up and throw his influence into the jackpot, but he doesn't know the number of the room. He slowly works his way into the crowded lobby, which is just as quict s the inside of @ thrashing machine and fully as soothing as the second day at Gettysburg. While’he is backed up against a marble column surrounded by an endless whirl of distorted faces, various arms come out of the crowd and pin badges dn ‘him. He is for Marshall, Harmon and Wilson all at the same time. A screaming suffragette pushes a handbill toward him. Fragmentary predictions of an alurming kind come aut of the scramble of talk. Down from hbove comes a mass play of band instruments, with a close mob pushing behind, na he finds himself swept over a fight of stairs and flattened against @ taxicab. It is now 11 A, M. and his efforts in behalf of the only pure candidate seem to lack definite concentration. So he starts for the convention hall, where he has’a seat in section Q, which is on a hilltop about a quarter of a mile away from the elevated pulpit on which the speakers stand and wave their arms. Every time a new midget bobs up on the distant promontory the felks sitting around-our hero want te know who It what it’s all about These same .folks lean forward and strain themselves trying to hear som thing. Then they’ murmur their discontent, after which they yell a few scornful suggestions and wind up by roaring for a new vaudeville act. The party worker,triés to keep back of the general direction of the storm and yeil at the right tim Along in the afternoon he goes outside and buys an extra to find out what has happened. He walks blocks and blocks, as in a waking dream, He falls into @ Chair in a sheltered corner and takes a nap, with his mouth open. At 6 o'clock’ he counts up the bewildering hours and cannot recall that he had any lunch. So'he buys another extra and takes @ drink. At 8 P. M. he iy séen standing outside the Welvedere, with his legs giving #lightly at the knees and a dead look in his eyes. Ho! wants to go home and go to bed, but he feels it his duty to stick around, because ah important conference ts under way on the seventh floor. When we get home we may tell how we killed the bear, but the foregoing 1s a fairly correct outline of the useful day put in by ap humble private tn the ranks, I have a card from Mrs. Briscoe asking if the Democrats are as nico looking as the Republicans, Tell her they are merely different. A delegate |fully attired in his summer suit and decorated a la mode looks like a man headed for a picnte, The Republican might be starting for the annual outing jof the Epworth League, while the Democrat is going to a carnival under the jauspices of the Brother Elks, The Democrat has a little more fusz on his hat. The regular Republican delegate last week wore a belt, The Democrat wears both belt and galluses, Also, the Democrat wears a larger number 3 8 because he has been wounded in more engagements. He isn't combed quite as straight as the Republican because he has been running wild in the | wood lot. He looks as if he representee the people he claims to represent. I cannot find fault with the personal appearance of any child of destiny. I may want to be friendly with him later on, We will be voting'@-morrow. There's a queer slant to the whole layout. About four wise National Committeemen, #aid to have the real say-#0, are scared blue over the prospect of helping to put a fighting radical into the White House. At the same time they most out-and-out progressive. need a candidate who will suit the! SOUP SPILLED OVER HIM, MURPHY PROVES A CREDIT TO TUTOR GRAMS TRAINING Mishap Fails to Upset Dignity, and He Retains Poise When Longshore Waiter Calls Him “Bo,” as He Scrubs Him With Napkin. BY LINDSAY DENISON. at (Stef Correspondent of The Evening World.) ~ BALTIMORE, June 28.—Charles F. Murphy deigned to-day to breakfast in the main dining room of the Emerson Hotel. It is usually more comfortable for convention guests (if they have pull enough to get the service) to dine in their room. But it was the quaint mood of Mr. Murphy to mingle with the masses. Mr. Murphy is one of the most scholarly ‘ooking persons in political life these days. He looks more like a college professor than Woodrow Wilson or George Harvey of the Barrel-Hooped spectacles ever did in their lives. Ho has achieved nobly the purpose for which he strove when he first attached J. Sergeant Cram to his person. No- body, looking at his academic front to- day as it glares coldly out upon the world through his gold-rimmed eye- glasses, could possibly suspect that Mr. Mruhpy ever’ owned one saloon, much less that he owned two. Thus, then, he sat at one of the tables tn the main dining-room of the Emerson. Walters are scarce in Baltimore. A number of energetic, though unrefined, persons from the water front (more used to hand trucks and the bale hook than the napkin and the menu card) have been hired to filt the emergency, and have been disguised in dress clothes. ‘One of there, bearing a silver tureen of beautifully red tomato soup, bore through the alste of the tcbles along which sat Mr. Murphy. ‘The statesman was moving about on his chair casting @ eritical glance over the diners, His brow was corrugated with the men strain of cl them. The walter's brow wi he couldn't have corrugated {t without what the police bulletins call “A pos- sible fracture of the skull.” The waiter's solar plexus and the shoulder of Mr. Murphy met in a head- on collision. The beautiful red tomato soup was spilled across Mr. Murphy's coat just south of and a few inches below his right ear, It was poured out with all the accuracy of @ steam dredge discharging a bucket load of mud Into a dump car. “IT'S ALL RIGHT, BO,” WAITE! ASSURED HIM. Mr. Murphy is first of all a gentle- man, He restrained the impulse which @ commoner person might have had to strike the offending waiter on the point of his pin-feathered jaw. Ho merely switched himself around in his seat and glared into the servitor’s scared eye. But the dock front man met the crisis luke @ hero, He grabbed the napkin from Mr. Murphy's lap and scrubbed the Tammany leader's shoulder with it. “I's all right, old pal,” he said sooth- ingly. ‘It's all right. There's no harm done at all. I'll fix it, ‘Bo,’ I'll fix it.” Mr. Murphy returned to his own apart- ment for breakfast. ‘The unprecedented uncertainty of the convention is perhaps best illustrated by @ long distance telephone message sent to New York to-day by Thomas F, Smith, secretary of Tammany Hall, Mr, Smith is very eager that Tammany Hall, after a campaign in which #0 many personalities are confused, should be the first to hang out the banner of the nominee of the convention. He is looking for a chance to advertise the loyalty of Tammany to the ticket, no matter who the ticket may be. This ts about what Mr, Smith said to New York, “How do I know what name to tell to put on the banners, I tell you what to do, Get seven different strips made Put Bryan on one, Gaynor on one, Wil- son on one, Clark on one, Underwood on one, Marshall on one, and Harmon on another, And you might get out a Foss, a Baldwin and Kern too. Then when the nomination comes off I'll give you a flash and you can hang it on the banner and swing St out.” ‘The exclusion of delegates and other persons with credentials and badges — from the convention hall last nigh didn't bother Major Charles Crowley, IN CREDIT a | Down | a Week Yorkers of Irish-Amert: aMiiations, They went out to West Park and wit- At our TWOSTORES you will find the finest selection of hand-tailored nessed a great Irish day parade and Major Crowley was the reviewing officer, $20 & $25 Summer Suits For Men and Women THE HAS 1078 At $12.50 & $15 World yesterday it was stated that this Baltimore convention was notable for an absence of band music, This statement was in part erroneous. There is, of course, the Champ Clark-Houn- Dawe band, which plays at any time, Anywhere, and will not despise the get- away crowd of a moving-picture audl- ence if It can get a throng together for a few minutes. The only trouble with that band ts that it has only one tune, The harmony sets stenographers, clerks, chambermaids and even more important Persons rocking in windows along tho streets, but does not seem to work on the emotions of the delegates. But there js a band. Take ft on the word of a visiting fireman, It is the W. J. B, cornet band of the U. &. A. ‘The 1,08 delegates are dancing to its tune, ‘The leader js William Jennings Bryan. The cornet player is William J. Bry! W. Jennings Bryan 1s playing the bai drum and the cymbals. Bill Bryan of Lincoln, Nebraska, is the snare drum. A person once called the Boy Orator of the Platte is tooting the sliphorn. The Commoner 1s on the sharp toot- toot. And so it goes, But it is cer- tainly one vociferous band, The wierdest of yesterday's happon- ings, which the late sitters of this morning have not ibeen able to work out, were the early caucus of the New York delegation, which passed a resolu. tion binding the New York delegation to the unit rule and the later meeting at which Harmon was declared to ve the choice of the delegation, In the first place the New York delegation Was already committed by the Terrace nen meeting to vote as a unit. But somebody apparently thought it worth while to strengthen the backs bones of the up-State men, and they Joined !n a unanimous vote to confirm the unit rule and thereby committed themselves against @ revolt. Few of the up-State on knew what they were voting on and some of them were angry when they found out. None of the rank and fl as yet un- “NO-BODY LOVES A BALD Every day we oe Ueland men end They, immeditelt fall inthe immediate! t! Age Beeteee 07 be losely associated WI' OLD AGE.” Itie extremely discomforting end bumil- tating to be bald—to be when the men do not justify it. eon lear between nete- al b hair in its full bloom of health end NATURAL AL, COLOR, end shabby look- f defn: peters a chance. ass wenger Give it en Use — HAY'S HAIR HEALTH oulooki rn ous “BRYAN BAND” DANCING. In the correspondence of The Evening Strong Friendships are the growth of confidence derstand why they were turned from Gaynor to Harmon. There are some who rejoice and some who mourn, but Apparently none of the rear-rank pri- vates know why thelr orders were changed, Bryan's one vote on the first battot came from James: MoConville of Steu- henvilte, Ohio, McConville claims the distinction of being the “orginal” Bryan man in Ohio. He is said to have be- fun shouting for Bryan even before the latter was nominated the first time, back in 1896, McConville ts @ well-to-do business man and for sixteen years most of the money that he haa spent in politics has been spent boosting Bryan in different ways, McConville was not only a liberal contributor to the Ohlo Progressive Democratic League, which was organ- aed to fght Gov. Harmon, but he also accompanied Bryan on part of speaking tour of Ohio, Was surprised that Bryan was not defeated on this resolution,” said Her- bert Quick, the novellat and magazine writer, discussing ¢ Murphy-R: Incident with a group of atateamen, "Not because the convention could do any- thing but pass it, but because his po- litioal career has been @ series of de- feats, from every one of which he hae emerged stronger than over. “Tf Bryan and his policies are finally beaten in this convention the 99th con- secutive elimination of Bryan will have ‘deen pulled off, and there'll be ns many more to do In the future, Bryan't vail- ous ‘repudiations’ have really been teche nical defeats and moral victories.” Harmon Talks of Hie Vote, COLUMBUS, ©. June 28." Ohio delegates voted on the first ae fT thought they would.” said Gov. Harmon to-day, “I can't account for the half yore given me in North Caro: lina and Utah. I confess 1 expected more than six votes in Tennessee and seven in Michigan. I knew I had two Pennsylvania districts, but I can't fig- out Fn fave me the firth vol jon of the solid ‘york ‘delegation wal most pleas Clark Went to Bed Karty. WASHINGTON, June 2%,—Speaker Clark wasn't kept awake last night by the balloting at Baltimore, He remained up only a little past his usual retiring hour and long before the delegates weto casting votes for him he was fast asleep and did not know that he had led on the first ballot until the news- boys were shouting ‘Extra!’ Mr, Clark remained in his office at the Capitol until a Iittle after midnight, ‘The Speaker was the least disturbed of ail those around him. Bryan's Pittsburg Boomers. BALTIMORE, June 28.—Travelling by special train, two hundred members of the Bryan League of Allegheny County arrived from Pittsburg this afternoon, They have a band and sev- 1 thousand Bryan buttons. | Pat we Stunning Pique Costume, $9 $2 Jaunty Norfolk $ Pique Waist This is the smartest waist of the min- and will days, $2 i pw Pique Skirt HY regi 84 May be had in all sizes. when skirt below pictured, Will launder perfectly uable for vacation Nothing is 20 useful asa separate pique whined iaciaoy glow ahh patch pocket fastened on the hip. Mal a mmer if worn with above wait, Will launder: weil and wear all season, SALE AT ALL THREE STORES St He FE prove inval- $ ——————— e 3 14a0d 16 West 14th Street—New York 400 and 462 Fulton Street — Brooklyn 645-651 Broad Street—Newark, N. J. A Great Sale of Straw Hats ai We This is without doubt one "ied And at $1.40, 8 Wo Lier finished and handsomely trimmed En tyles, with Enrlch atv 47 CORTLANDT ST., near Greenwich. and time, ! have staunch friends. No Reference w Security Required DhuiteRose |WE EST FING © 316 West 125thSt.,nr.8thAv. CEYLON TEA 2858 3¢ Av., 148th Sty Bronx Not Sold in Bulk. Regularly Worth weave—the value at $1.40, e 279 BROADWAY, near Chambe; 12 th STREET at 8d Av. UNION SQUARE, lath Street, West of Broadway. outings may t> ¢ satisfactorily frog of styles Worfen and chil- variety, Tramp Prices from the lowest at which reli> able shoes can be sold to the necessary cost of shoes of the very highest grade The trick ts to get one who will look»Ike na| | . “|| Sixth Avenue eS front and yet be suMctently human to remem- | at Nineteenth Street 4 for the armory, 2a BAPELER, Govnty, Chale r) mani who looks as if he had been shipped here in a crate and had obtained @ reut by leaning against a bar. This man is almost entirely concealed by Badg@, but bis voice manages to break through, He is telling another human Fifth Avenue Forty-Gfth St, ber his friend been noe a a TTR AT TR TEST GORA INN me AST