The evening world. Newspaper, October 24, 1903, Page 8

by the Press Publishing Company, No. & to @ Row, New York. Entered at the Post-Oflce stars FUSION’S OFFENSES, © No catalogue of high crimes and misdemeanors with which @ party in office has ever been arraigned has ex- (eseted in comprehensivenese, no far as can be recalled, “thit which Bourke Cockran drew up against the Fusion ‘Riiminidtration at the Carnegie Hall meeting. ‘The vetoran orator is sad to have been in bis most ““ oguéat’ mood and we can well belleve that the Tam- tmany braves became delirious with joy as the various pounhts "in the scathing indlotment of reform fell glow- tag from his fervid larynx. What castigation of corruption there was! What Yightéous denunciation of iniquity in administration, what.merited malediction of malfeasance! What lam- pting of those who have so vilely betrayed their trust! excoriation! The auditorium of Carnegie Hall echoed to the impact of many winged words, but to ing, we think, exceeding the inflammatory eloquence ‘of the returned Tammany prodigal, “For' “the graft which is the very life of the Republi- ‘eam party, the protective tarift’—for that, according to \ ‘Mr, Cockran, the Low administration is responsible. |) Wor.the fact charged by Mr. Cockran that “the men j “ot the Government have traduced their nelghbors’”—for that, | Mayor Low and his associates are accountable. For Mr, Platt; for the fact that no New York Central @irector was sent to prison for the tunnel disaster; for _ the higher insurance rates here and presumably for those ia and San Francisco as well; for the beet-sugar ; for assuming “the credit of a decreased death ate which was due to the mercy of Providence"; for the ‘Mharket price of bonds; for these and for other equally evils which have made the Low administration } “worst since Tweed’s time” the reformers are called y-acco Why were they not also arraigned for the nse of race suicide and the impotitions of the Beef 1 ae ‘In®Mr. Cockran’s speech there stands out conspicu- @ualy.as the most hypocritical utterance of the campaign ‘Mis reference to red-light tribute. “This giving of tips i brides to policemen for conniving at the existence ivorderly esorir,” he said, “both parties condemn, form of graft which really corrupts our whole Republican protective tariff! : tariff is iniquitous enough. But its comparison with ithe braes-check tax of ein, the awful tithe wrung ire wager of shame, is a prostitution of argument ams in a reputable orator. > A DEPRECIATED SECURITY. Sam Parks in jail, deserted by his friends, “without a ehance on earth,” despondent and in ill-health, is a pa- 4 | ‘thetic figure. The whirligig of fortune rarely makes go @omplete a revolutiun so quickly. Yet the amount of “Sbtual sympathy extended to him Is likely to be small. Hardly wix weeks have passed since the Labor Day Gemonstration in his favor, and not as many months ‘Binee his introduction of force as the final arbiter of Bbor disputes raised him to a pinnacle of prominence. ) preached a dangerous doctrine, to which while some listened more were deaf. Now the Parks creed, et freely subscribed to, is repudiated and its author 7 ‘@bandoned to negiect. The brief interval of aberration | s over and there is a return to the principles of sanity | @nd sobriety in which lies safety. It is a hopeful and | encouraging change, And its mort hopeful feature ts the rejection of the false prophet. He is a depreciated security for which there is no demand. POPULAR SLANG. POSHIOD 00290004 Conversations Of a Chorus Girl. —~»— You Know What a Di:mal Day It Was Yesterday ? Well, She Just Stayed in the Flat Listen- ing to Amy De Branscombe’s Mother Rave About Society and Mutilate the English Lan- guage. BY ROY L.M’CARDELL, (Author of “Conversations of a Chorus Girl,” the humorous book hit of the year.) CEYZOU'D a Aled laughing if you'd a Y ‘bin round to Amy De Brans- combe's fiat yesterday afternoon ‘and heard ‘her mother," sa'd the Chorus Gin, “You know what a day it was—rain, rain, rain, And t's so dark in thelr flat that we bad to ight the gas, I'm stopping there for a while until I got woitied. I let my things go to storage, and just brought my clgthes and my canary round to the De Branscombes. Oh, the canary—we call {t Birdhetmer— In tho loveliest singer you ever heanl. “Daney MeKaight offered me $100 for It. Of course, he hadn't the money, but then it shows you how @ musician ap- preotites that bird, “Them thrills of his'n,’ said Dopey to me, ‘Is the most remarkable I ever heard.’ “Dopey’e wife ran away with a waker In the Squared Circle Family Resort, where Dopey plays the plano, and, say, you ought to hear him rag. Dopey's wife used to whistle ‘Listen to the Mock- ing Bird’ and run tn ¢he trills in a way chat was weird, but Dopey says that Hetle canary of mine just put his wife's trilla on the Putz, #& #& No. V : $ 3 8¢ -PPOLPOPIOL CLOSE $$$ OSHSGFCSIO4-9-3-3-6-9.90-9 “He ought to know, because ahg atill whistles there where he works, only, of course, Dopey and she don't speak since she ran off with the waiter. Dopey may be poor, but he's proud. He told me he'd ‘a’ handed the waiter—you know him? Blond Charley, who sings ‘The Palms’ and ‘Who Will Wipe Your Tears Away, Irene?’— Well, as 1 was a-saying, Dopey told me he would have handed Blond Charley a couple, only he'd ‘a’ lost his job. And so he plays accom. paniments for his wife and just treats her with allent contempt, “Oh, I stacted to tel you about laying off in the flat and having to Usten to OM Lady De Branscombe talking about “Chesty” got intu the dictionary last summer and perhape no longer deserves quotation marks. Now “to! | Selly” has made its way into a Circuit Court decision _@nd thus become oligible for lexicographic honors. As a ¢— sword conveying a shade of meaning for which there is MO synonym it {s doubtless entitled to a place among _ Fegular terms of speech, H \ Just where “jolly” came from ts uncertain, Future! @ may find a legitimate parentage for it, but yma superficial observation it seems a foundling of un-j| known birth. Humble origin, however, never handicaps @ word's progress into good use. If its popularity justi-| fles, it “gets there” in the end more rcadily than one of better origin. At is to be doubted if there was ever before 80 pro- Aific an output of slang as at present. New words spring ‘Up overnight, some to die in infancy. Of those that Jest nearly all will be found to possess as a claim to ex- Astence either a tersenees or subticty of designation Wanting in the corresponding “dictionary word.” But who invents them? They come into current use with a mystery attached which is frequently impenetrable, _ KANSAS AND SIXTH AVENUE. A ‘serious shortage of domestic servants exiats in Aansas and efforts are to be made by the State Employ- | Ment Burenu to induce salesgiris from the big stores of v York to emigrate to the West to fill the deficiency. there ever @ more ill-advised attempt at colonization? Jt usually happens that the colonist betters his lot. aa lived to become ladies of the land. New York girls Bs to Kaneas might secure husbands who In later Fs fould provide them with a Gubernatorial mansion allanthus, give up Madison Square in exchange Village green! Dances, lectures, moonlight ex- the occasional radiance of the white light lane, delights of city life foregone for a kerosene country kitchen! to entice will need to be far more attractive. : Pe ef Pie—For what was once the 6 cent table ie charge is now 60; for ice oream and cock- the staple articles of food and for the delica- pre hes been en increase of price all along the 4m some instances, tut general. Now the how genteel her family was “Amy and I was laying off in our kimonos. It was one of them days you don’t care if the beds are made or not, and Amy was smoking a cigarette. Bay, you dfdn't know she smoked? Why. Amy inhales ‘em. She's @ fiend. Of course, he uses « hairpin as a holder and don't stain her fingers, but you want to have your Egyptian heavily tn- ured if Amy, the cigurette firevug, is anywhere near, “But Amy ts @ good gtrl. Of course, she's ruined her complexion using that Blush of Roses Face Bleach, and, of course, ehe has a poor figure, but sho's G0 out she looks real nice, “Well, I was telling you adout the old lady, There she was sitting up with her society cylinder on, giving usa rave she went violently insane when her eldest daughter married a wealthy Veterinary surgeon, because she put the Social standing of the whole family on 1 viocked her next lead by asking her if the old gentleman they call. ‘Uncle Jack’ would be ikely to propose to Amy if his wife died, “Certainly not,’ sald Gfamma De Branscombe. ‘Why, Amy is nothing but @ ohild {n Uncle Jack's eyes. Hin affec- tlon for her i# merely plutonte “Amy didn't notice the break, but then, poor girl, you knpw she ain't got any education, But if ‘plutonic’ wasn't enough to stagger you sideways, her next crack stopped the shambattie, “I was merely busting to Jaf, but 1 only said, ‘Well, it would be nice if Amy was marvied to a well-to-do man, wouldn't it? “And the old dame began to eat the English language again “Oh, dear me, Lulu,’ says she, ‘sure- ly you know Amy's engaged to Mr. Wogelebaum? Why, she's been his fiasco tor over @ year!’ “Do you wonder that & went out with Charley and fell off the water wagon?" re FOR A TRAVELLING KIT. A bottle of lavender water and a @ainty cambric pocket handkerchief will e found welcome adjuncts to one's travelling kit on @ long Journey. It will ‘be found most refreshing, not only on the way, but at the end of the jour- ot Commerce is to be raised from 31-2 cents to 4. tone m further increase for all forms of pastry, ‘basic establisher of values as pig iron odnote. It ie a menacing movement. Dearer it Gearer pi will involve an attack on the ney, A pair of thin slippers will aleo help in promoting comfort, Some ph; jolans recommend cold, weak tea Ahe best drink for @ long railway jour- ney, but such things must always be a good girl, and wien she'e fixed up to|* of how her mother was so refined that| { 404 93002 © $9LOOOHE-9SOG9409509000000000% SS) CHANCT, TO Da DE (nm i= & Now MR. PEEWEE IS You! R GRAND OLD PARTY : A GOOD TURN, A SPEECH FROM YOuSE, WOuvLD CARRY DE DAY,. fo HANDS DOWN poeeallnss ELLOW CITIZENS, LISTEN NOT TO THE RAVINGS OF YONDER CHARLATAN. ALLOW ME TO ENLIGHTEN You, WITH A FEW WORDS OF a7? wisdom, a REGARDING THESE GREA’ I QUESTIONS THAT ETC.ET A QUARTER,) \F YouSE <3 —— The Importance of Mr. Peewee, the Great Little Man. # Carried Away by the Excitement of Local Politics, He Mounts the Hustings, but Will Never Do It Again, AN? WE WILL wisi) OE SO® RiP EM UP DE BACK MR. PEEWEE. YOUSE A LULU-LU OF A SPELL BINDER FER FAIR, WHEN YOuSE GETS AGOIN! EASY , MONEY: Sherlock Holmes 24, conanpovre K Seandalin Bohemia SYNOPSIS OF PRECEDING CHAPTERS, ot broken unt! we drew up in Serpen- Sherlock Holmes, the famous detective, 18 tine avenue, commissioned secure @ photo Df the The ‘Hlolmen ding to ote to ouRe. man. Hotes, by fin ine acc that the photograph is In @ secret cab! a wall. ie plana to" call next day the Fritz by such a meamallance, when | Ure !t by the Kin rs te ter with Irene Adi ing te about to n and nd the photograph witnesses Miss Adler’ lawyer named Nort re won. oulaide. the sh eraten and disxulees hiv raph whi ‘on. ‘stations pretending to be hurt tn a coe use and finds to the CHAPTER VI. SLEPT at Baker street that night, and we were engaged upon our toast tage. ‘Not yet." Outwitted! “But you have hopes?” “I have hopes. ‘ “Then come. be gone." “We must have a cab." “No, my brougham ts waiting.’ “Then that will for Briony Lodge. “Irene Adler is married,” Holmes, “Married! When?" “Yesterday.” “But to whom?" ton, “But she could not love him."’ “Tam tn ho) pes that she does.” “And why in hopes?” “Because tt would spare your majesty all fear of future annoyance. lady loves her husband, love your majesty. plan "It ja true, And yet Weill, I wish of my own station, What ehe iets ie oe Santon and temperament of had been @ queen she ashe Acton ait tk di Sh Card raed eto snake ring from his Qnger and held it would have mad ‘of Bohemia, to to and “during the confusion, to, “ste ure. Hi 18 friend, with other con: imaelf as a clerny- g of Bohemia rushed tnto the room. “You have really got it?’ he orted, grasping Sherlock Holmes by either shoulder and looking eagerly into his ¥ am all impatience to almplify matters,” We descended and started off once more remarked ‘o an English lawyer named Nor- It she docs not If she does not love your majesty, there is no reason why she should interfere with your majesty’s et in to se his wed a raise an alarm of fire in the Adie D the The door of Briony Lodge was open, and an elderly woman stood upon the steps. She watched us with a sardonic eye as we stepped from the brougham, “Mr, Sheriock Holmes, I believe?" said she. “I am Mr, Holmes,’ answered my companion, looking at her with a ques- tloning and rather startled gaze. “Indeed! My mistress told me that you were likely to call, She left this morning, with her husband, py the 5.13 train from Charing Cross, for the Con- tinent."* “What!" Sherlock Holmes staggered back, white with chagrin and surprise, “Do you mean that she has left sng- land?" Never to return.” ‘And the papers?” asked the King, hoarsely, “All is ost!’ “Weshall see."” He pushed past the servant, and rushed into the drawing- room, followed by the king and myself. The furniture was scattered about in every direction, with = dismantled shelves, and open drawers, as if the lady had hurnedky ransacked them be- fore her fight. Holmes rushed at the bell pull, tore back @ smal sdthg ehut- ter, and plunging in his hand, pulied out @ photogragh and a letter, The photo- graph was of Irene Adler herself in evening dreas; the letter was super- xeribed to "Sherlock Holmes, Esq. To be left till caSed for. My driend tore It open, and we all three reid tt togeth- er. It was dated at midnight of the preceding night, and ran in this waya, “My Dear Mr, Sherlock Holmes: You really did it very well, You took me in complotely. Until after the alarm of the fire I had not a suspicion, But then, when I found how I had betrayed mygelf, I began to think. I been Sana ‘against you months ago, 1 had been told that if the king employed an Agent it would certainly be you. And your address had been given me. Yet, with all this, you made me reveal what you wanted to know. Even after I be- came suspicious I found it hard to think evil of such « dear, kind old clergyman. ” lS ies SEBS an actress myself. Male costume is |nothing new to me. I often take ad- vantage of the freedom which it gives. I sent John, the coachman, to watch you, ran upstairs, got Into my walking clothes, as I call them, and came down Just as you departed. “Well, I foliowed you to the door, and 80 made sure that I was really an object of interest to the celebrated Mr. Sher- lock Holmes. Then I, ently, wished you good-night and started for the Temple to see my hus- band. “We both thought the best resource was filght, when pursued by so forml- dable an antagonist: so you will find the nest empty when you call to-mor- row. As to the photograph, your client may rest in peace, I love and am loved by a botter man than he. The king may do what he will without hindrance from one whom he has- cruelly wronged. I keep It only to safeguard myself, and preserve a weapon which will always secure me from any, steps which he might take in the future, I leave a photograph which he might care to pox- sess, and I remain, dear Mr. Sherlock Holmes, very truly yours, “IRENE NORTON (nee Adler) “What a woman—oh, what a womas cried the Kine of Bohemta, when we had all three read this epistle. “Did I not tell you how quick and resolute she was? Would she not have made an ad- mirable queen? Is it not a pity that ehe was not on my level “From what I have seen of the lady she seems, tmiteed, to be on a very differ- ent level to your majesty," said Holmes, col@ty, ‘I am sorry that I have not been able to bring your majesty’s busl- ness to 2 more successful conclusion.” “On the contrary, my dear air," cried the king, ‘nothing eould be more suc- ceasful. I know that her word fs In- violate. The photograph is now as safe as if it were In the Ar “I am glad to hear your majesty say “I am immensely indebted to you, Pray, tell me, in what way I can reward you, This ring’'— He slipped an emerald rather imprud-|/ out upon the palm of ‘his hand. “Your majeatv has something which T ould value even more highly," said Holmes, “You have but to name it."” “This photograph!" The King stared at him in amaze- ment. “Irene's photograph!" he orled. tainly, if you wish it.”* “I thank Your Majesty, Then there Is no more to be done in the matter. I have the honor to wish you a very good- morning.” He bowed, and turning away without observing the mand which the King had stretched out to him, he set off in my company for his chambers, And that was how a great scandal threatened to affect the kingdom of Bohemia, and how the best plans of Mr, Sherlock’ Holmes were beaten by @ woman's wit, “Cer- He used to make meiry but I And over thg cleverness of wi have no. heard iim do it of late. when he speaks of Irene Adl he refera to her photograph, It is always under the honorable titie of THE Woman. IN A NAME?" ‘The trate heirs called at the genoral office of the life insurance company. “We want to know,’ they said, ‘why you are so long in paying the $10,000 called gor in the policy our deceased revative carried in this company. He died three months ago, and we were promised we should have it In less than sixty days." “What was his president. “Benjamin Franklin Louderschlegel.” name?" asked the “Ah, that Js the reason, gentlemen,’ affabiy explained the president of’ the concern, “If it had been @ short, vasy name like David Jones or Thomas Johnson the matter qrould have been settled and you would have got your money long ago."—Chicago Tribune. capes CHICAGO’: DEATHS. © excees of male deaths in Chicago 2 # VA Il | © |e ae EE Haw to Keep Hubby - On the Water Wagon. SEE a woman out West cured her husband of the booze habit by locking him up in a room for a year, and when he came out he didn’t have any more thirst than a camel,” said the Cigar-Store Man. “It was one of the most horrible stories I ever read,” observed the Man Higher Up. “Any man who has ever come out of a medal-wearing bat to the accompaniment of his own thoughts can pass the sorrowful band of Sympathy to that poor prisoner guy, Think of him all alone in his little room longing for a powder until his tongue felt like a resined boxing glove, and knowing that he couldn't get it! The wonder of it is to me that 4 he didn’t come out with his wisdom sprained as well ' as shy a thirst. . “After all, i guess it was probably the only way he could get on the water wagon. He had fallen off many a time and got run over by the wheels, and this time he had to be tled on, because he couldn't ride past a ea- loon, If he ever gets to the rum again after that year there will be something doing in the souse line. “It's funny the various ways men prepare themselves for a water-wagon session. Most of them go into train- ing with a nice, rosy bun that they lead around until it gets too heavy and falls on them. When they come out of the brannigan they have to go on another to keep trom shaking to pleces, and so it is a continuous per- formance while the water wagon waits and waits. “The real, conaistent rummies on the water-irrigation thing are the strenuous periodicals. They are the boys who train along, stalling off the seductive highball or the joyous bubble water for weeks and months, and then they fall so hard that you'd think it was an imite- tion of the collapse of the Brooklyn Bridge. When thcy come out far enough to be able to look at the fingers on their right hands and not think they are gazing on bunches of banana they find they are star boarders in a sanitarium. . “One of these stews is encugh. and back on the wegon they climb. Precty soon they get stuck on themselves. You have probably seen a kid riding on the hind end of an automobile and putting his thumb to his nose, with the fingers outstretched at his companions, as he passes them by. These periodicals who get sober by the sani- tarium route are the same way. They can’t see a man who can take two or three drinks and go home in a street car instead of a patrol wagon without trying on a coarse kid. “There are others who go on the wagon involuntarily, but they are not numerous. I have met put few. I mean the victims of the habit whose loved ones try to cure them by putting dope in their coffee. I know a young guy who got quite a little organized on the occasion of his firet wedding anniversary. He wasn’t In love with the booze enough to go up to it and put his arms around its neck or anything like that, but a couple of balls now and then seemed to do him good. Well, his wife saw he finish, and sent and got something to put in his cof- ree,” “Did it cure him?” asked the Cigar Store Man. “Yes,” answered the Man Higher Up; “it cured him of the coffee habit.” A Warship’s Mascot. The mascot of the battle-ship Massachusetts is a three- legged dog named Rodger. The dog was brought to the ship at Culebra Island, W. I. When the ship was in New York harbor last winter the dog was allowed to go ashore with several of the men, and while on the dock was attacked by” Bum, the mascot of the training ship Hartford. For a while both dogs put up a game fight, until Rodger slipped and caught his right hind feg between two planks. This was an opportunity for Bum to get the better of Rodger, and he rushed at him and, burying his th in the wack of Rodger’s neck, tried to shake him, As Massachusetts had hin leg broken and the boys sepai them and carried thelr pet to the hospital, where it w: found necessary to amputate it. On his return to the ship Rodger was unanimously elected an honorary member of the crew. Woman and Her Books, It 1s the book a woman marke that fs the only true index to her character. This conclusion has been arrived at after a long and persistent study of the sex. A woman nevar marks @ book openiy as a man does, with a flourish of mare ginal notes and references conveying the impression that he In conversant with other books besides this one. He who has») a penefl always handy will think nothiug of using it on ay and all occasions. It is like entering the holy of holies to read books that some women have marked. It is a violent rending asunder of the vell which she hangs before the door of her,heart. The marks with which a woman scores her favorite passages at eighteen will be effaced at twenty; and she must have changed but little to leave those of twenty uneffaced at twenty-five The Primitive Clock. A naturalist, while visiting Great Gangir, one of those islands of the Indian Ocean known as the Celebes or Spice Islands, found a curious time recorder lodged at the house of @ rajah, Two bottles wore firmly lashed together and fixed in a wooden frame. A quantity of black eand ran from one dottle into the other in just half an hour, and when the upper bottle was empty the frame was reversed. Twelve short sticks, marked with notches from one to twelve, were hung upon @ tag A hook was placed the bearing x