The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, April 8, 1906, Page 6

THE SAN FRANCISCO SUNDAY CALL. down on the friend of mine to a New York theater where you can roll around in an orchestra chair at 50 cents a throw. When a guy can buy a couple of cozy corners a dead swell theater for 50 cents per coze he's a mark to blow four plunks to squeeze into one of those joints where they feed you on problem plays and fric eed pas! I figured it out that way and stood pat. That evening finds me in the parlor as usual. You know the parlor I mean. When a guy reaches that condition where he gives himself the careful glance and ‘Gee! 1 got to get shaved this even- 1" you can bet there's only one parlor in the world for him. I'm sitting on the sofa with one mitt lying carefully on the family album and ched around 5170 cane, when my lady friend floats into the arena There's a short-arm clinch, a break- away, and we're back in our corners. “Oh, John Henry!” says my lady friend, giving her real hair a couple of taps and glancing out in the dining-room to see if mother was rubbering. I tell you, boys, it's ‘aces when your lady friend does that after a short clinch. There's nothing to it. When & girl stamps her foot and talks with a tabasco lisp and says, “How dare ¥ kiss me, sir? You are impertinent, sir!” it's a 80 to 1 shot that Gussle Glad- top, the ribbon clerk, who calls every Tuesday evening, first gave her an excuse for writing that libretto. She's just dying to have you bite her again, but she handies her language wrong, and the four-flush calldown makes 1 so hard that you grab 3 1If saying v long before papa drops In with 1 bundle of benzine, and an A flat on the side. r me the glorious creature who sim- “Oh, John Henry!” and pats les to gee if her Seven Sutherland in after the bell rings T say to end, “If you'll tease a trolley our way tomorrow says my lady friend £0 to the theater. Where shall we go?—Oh! I know! Let's go a h Bernhardt! I'm just dying to Up and away re mines! Sarah Bern- hardt at five plunks a chair and me scratching gravel to get my laundry back rom foreign lands of a Saturday night! m just dying to see Sarah!” says the Sweetest Thing Ever, and I'd be a small bunch of parsnips if T hadn't volunteered in the life-saving service then and there. 1 says to my lady friend, “I thought you'd like to sce Bernhardt!” and all the time I'm giving this glad speech ‘'m going down the line mentally to sce who will give me quick action on a steam-heated touch. 1 think it is awful nice of you to ask to see Bernhardt,” says The Real Thing, throwing a goo-goo at me that settles everything. After a joyous glance like that I'm glad to break into the box office and wrestle the keeper for the gate money Anyw with ter a labored conversation friend, I'm*helped to the price next day, And [ patter away for the paste- boards. My lady friend togs out in her revelry rags, and I'm somewhat of a big when we slide into the building and reach out for * worth of amusement, hot off the griddle. “Mercy me!” says my lady friend, after in has been up a wh! ‘what are they talking about? I can’t under- stand a word!" I'm sitting there holdin vices over my ten plunks to what's doing on the What's the matter?” 1 sa. “Listen!” says Clara Jane. I listened. In a minute I was The trackwalkers on the stage were talk- ing Dago! Dago, mind you! and me just after putting on mourning for my ten plunks! “Oh! they’re doing the trick in French,” s, offhand, just as though I paid my wre in French every morning. Say, I don’t know enough about French to find Paris on the imap—honest, that's straight! But I'm thinking of my dear departed ten, so I makes the play “What are they saylng now?’ says the ition in peaches. ht there was where I fell the funeral so I'm not tage. next. in the “Bon tour the gre de la handing her be Jeel™ I hottest ac- cent that was ever turned loose. “Oh, John Henr: says my lady friend, “why, 1 didn’t know could speak French! How lovely! What does it mean in English?” It was up to me to make good. “It means,” 1 says, *‘that Sarah is hand- ing a calldown to the old guy that looks like a cheese sandwich. She says to him, ‘See he: you've got another bun on! How dare you trall into my flat with your tide high enough to float a battle- ship?*” “*“That doesn’t sound very poetical,”” says the extreme limi “It isn’t poetical.” T says, “but it's the goods all right. ‘Bon gre,’ that's French for a bun, and ‘de la tour’ means the re: That was where T caught step with my finish. 4 1 had to translate everything that was said on the stage, and I couldn’t even pronounce the name cf the piece they were playing. All T could do was to remember some of the swell language I had heard at other play joints, and T rushed them at my lady friend so fast that she hadn't time to decide that T ought to be on my way to a foolish house. When Bernhardt addressed a lot of French supcrs 1 used up a bunch of tickle-your-fancy language that May Ir- win hands to her rib-racked audiences, and my lady friend stood for it. ‘When Coquelin pushed out his chest and jawed every one in sight, T threw my whole soul into the translation and hand- ed my lady friend a line of talk that T had beard in a burlesque at “The New York.” Coquelin made an awful hit with my lady friend. If I could have remem- bered more of thosc good things Coquelin would have been accs with her for ever after. > When Coquelin and Sarah got into one of those short-arm duets, I sprung some of “Florodora on my lady friend. She seemed to like it. Especially when [ handed her some of Edna Wallace Hop- per’s epigrams, with a short line of talk from Temmy Ryley and a side speech here and there from Ed Rosenbaum. T hated to do it, but T was up to my neck, and I couldn’t holler for help. No one in the audience would have responded. They were all too busy making the same bluff that T was. Even the ushers were trying CALL MONEY AT 125 RIZZLED ,,, FINANCE o BY FREDERICK STAUNTON GORE. 2,” said Ben Jonsing, m Possu Company, 25 on the goin’ up. COPPER 170 DAND Ya-uaa = STEEL 45 :benezer Skilduck, Deacon Shatterbox William George Washington looked rictor distrustfully. They had of call money before, and a scheme to make trouble. kind of money dues you say is manded Deacon Shatterbox, after ed Wot I money.” replied Mr. Jonsing, au- “Dem chickens wot you hm mahgin has been called in by 1 8age of New York, who is now in de full and complete possession ub de mahket, and demands de immediate pay- of 120 per cent on all call loans. hab no' alternative but to. comply. Dahfore T remark now dat gemmen hab- " accounts in dis yere offus increase dar mahgins widout dela, leastwa, if dey wish to avoid a unpleasantness wid Mr. Sage. who is now in de full control, as 1 remahked a moment ago, of wot money has not bin spent and who wants de rest. Befo' de bizness ub de da: can proceed I request dat all gemmen heah present in- cre: mahgins by at least 50 per ce se dey 1 cain’t increase dem chickens,” re- plied the deacon, “befo’ tomorrow mawnin’, nohow, and mebbe not den, unless the Lawd favahs us specially in de mattah ob de moon. Duz Mr. Sage sa ate dat? \ eil,”” observed Mr. Jonsing, “I will a telegrapham sent to Mr. Sage and sce wedder de chicken situation am to be considahed in de premises, but I THE CHRONICLES OF DON Q Continued From ley. Yet he left it last this moment, good path beside night, and at Manuelo, he lies the lagoon wait- ing, wa ng for us. We will not keep him waiting. I have been told he is a s e shot We will test his aim. Pu this tr: on the ule, my children.” was lifted into the saddle, a slipped round his ankles was beneath the belly of the mule, thrust between his teeth, he was bound and helples: his own hands artisticall folds of a cloak about his tor noose sécured was ‘ow, Manuelo, we will take the road. you, my children, return to the that leads into the Lobo. I no longer need your was resumed. “I understand, Manuelo,” went on the soft voice of Don Q., “that you and brother Leen ambitious of meeting me some solitary spot. Is it You about to have your Gregorio will mistake you He will remember the heavy money that is upon my head, and is builet straight. The result ise him a little, but in this t is never wise to count upon re- your ve alone in not so? desire. The progress of the mule, regulated by the pace of the terrible man who walked so delicately behind it, was siow, before the spread of water with moon shining upon it came Manuelo had plenty of time realize his position. Not far ahead Gregorio was waiting, b his rifle on his knee, ready to fire, dreaming that the muffied figure on ihe mule was not Don Q. but his own and the to view, wi not If only he could make some sign of warning whereby Gregorio might escape the cruel vengeance of the chief! For himself he could rely on the ac- curacy of his brother's marksmanship. The earth seemed suddenly to reel and gfve way beneath him and he knew no more. After he had fallen the bark of Gregorio's rifie reached Don Q. The chiefl stood back in the shadow of a rock and watched the active figure of Gregorio leaning down the slope. “Where are brother? Is he stunned? I shot the mule under him when I saw you were alone with him,” said Gragorio, stooping over the fallen animal and his rider. The dim shape by the rock laughed and sprang at"the same instant. Be- neath the iron-bound musket butt, which descended on his head, Gregorio went down, kicking feebly on the sand. Don Q.’s delicate little hands pinioned bim with a rapid and scientific com- pleteness. Then he turned to Manuelo, tore the gag from his mouth, and with a strength surprising in so fragile a pulled him free of the dead mule. led the brother into a sitting pos- ture against the moonlit rock face, dashed water over them and finally sat down in front of them o watch their return to consciousness, breaking now and then into shakings of sibilant laughter. “We Gregorio, you, will wait until our excellent whose shooting is so admir- able, has regained bis senses suilicient- ly to join in our conversation,”-Don Q. began, as Gregorio with a groan shifted his hezd from one bump on the rock to another and blinked up dizzily at the moon. “He is already better. I trust, Gregorio, that your thoughts are quite clear?” The man shivered, then scowled. Recollection had come to him also. “I wish you both to listen to me very carefully,” the chief pursued. “We have played a very interesting game to- gether, Manuelo, for yours is the brain behind it. But I do not think T flatter myself when I say that the honcrs rest with me?” - “Yes, we have lost the game,” said Manuelo, in the old rigid manner. “But we are not afraid!” “You are a brave man,’ commented Don Q. politely; *“but because yau are not afraid now, it does not follow that am not in a position to prophets about de result. You know berry well, deacon, dat Mr. Sage is a sick man. most ob de time, only w'en moncy g¢ above 100 per cent on call. Dat doan’ happen ebbery day, and for all I kno be may wire back demandin’ de imme jit delivery of dem chickens, w:d com- pound interest at de rale of 125 per cent a second, w'ich is de rate today on de curb, dat is in de basement part of Wall street. Howsumebbah, let us hope fur de best.” There was a general silence in the exchange, broken only by the clatter of the telegraph instrument, which ap- parently began its work in response to the heavy tapping of Mr. Johnsing's foot on the floor. Ebenezer Skilduck, who ad $1.39 deposited with the concern as margin on fourteen shares of Amal- gamated Copper, which he had sold short on a straight tip from Mr. Law- son of Boston, seemed in deep thought. “Wot hez dat dare call munny got to do wid my $1.89?” he finally demanded of Mr. Jonsing. ’ “Omly dis,” replied the manager gra- ciously, “dat if Mr. Sage doan get at least 70 cents more widout delay yo' mahgin money is forfeited undah de roolin’ of de Spreem Cawt. Yo' knows you ah a cent shy anyway on de orig- deal, which was for $1.40, whereas ¥ special permission of Mr. Sage yo' only put up $1.39. So I advise yo' to get dat are 70 cents widout a monient’s you will not be afraid before we have done with one another.” “What does it matter?”” answered Manuelo. “My brother and I took an oath to kill you. We have failled. Noth- ing remains but to make an end of us.” “Not so fast, Manuelo,” put in the chief. “I have just beef thinking how full of romance is your situation. You and Gregorio are twins. You were born together, you have lived and worked to- gether, and now in the fitness of things you are to die together. “And,” resumed the brigand, “believe me, T should not interfere with so ar- tistic a conclusion had I only ourselves Lo think of. But I cannot afford to for- get that you have both belonged to that estimable . force to whose kind interest in my life I owe so deep a debt. It is incumbent upon me to send them informa- tion by a reliable hand—say by one of you—how a civil guard dies who has failed in a duel with Don Q. I trust you follow me?” The two men stared at him stolidly, “It is clear that you do. There are, to return to my subject, many channels by which the whole story will find its way down to the plains. But that is not suflicient for my purpose. I wish the civil guard to know, from the lips of one of their own corps that I have scored another point in the twenty years' gamble that has beéen plaved out between us. I have, therefore, decided that one of you shall go free. The other must die, and— well, I warn you he will need all his fortitude before the happy moment of his departure from life. You are brave men; choose, then, between you which shajl go free and which shall-remain forever in the sferra.” Don Q. moved away a little space and the brothers began to talk cagerly to- gether in low tones. At the end of five minutes the chief returned. “Well,” he asked, "I am waiting for your decision. Who is to be the lucky one?” ““Gregorio,”” shouted Manuelo at once. *No, no, Manuelo, I cannot,” declared the other hoarsely. “There seems to be a slight diffcrence of opinion; shail I decide the matter for you?” A “I will decide,” said Manuelo; “I have the right of choice before my brother, since I am the older.” - *“No, no!” cried the other' passionately; “I will not buy life at such a price.” Don Q. held up his hand. “It is enough. You cannot agree. decision must be mine, for 1 regre’fhg have not time (interesting as it would be, 0 listen to an argument between ‘most of the -human, -W HOW DARE YOUT, o to applaud with a French accent. 1 never lost ten plunks so hard in all my lifc. - Eefore the first act was over I had Sarah talking about a sure cure for rheumatism that 1 read in an almanac, and I had Coquelin reciting the ‘“Charge of the Light Brigade.” Tt was a hot evening—for me! Before the second act was half through 1 went off my dip. I was nutty from pit to dome. 1 had enough bum French in my topknot to start ore of those sit-back- hold-tight table d'hote places, with wine at 4 cents a grab. 1t was fierce. But it was all off when I put Sayah into Mother Goose. That was the last 3 “Malgamated Coppah 170—-aad dat busts yo’ account wido open.” delay. Udderwise, udderwise. 0 de udderwise am sufficient.” “Does dat Mr. Sage be aware dat my ole woman hab got de roomatiz and doan dome no washin’ dis last two weeks?" urged Mr. Skilduck, sadly. “He am well aware of dem fax,” re- A word Manuelo broke into his speech. “Hear me,” he groaned; “Gregorio has a wife and child. Let him g “The cholce is In my hands, and in my hands it must remain.” Don Q. answered, ““I have decided. Gregorio shall go free after he has looked upon his brother's death. I have chosen him, not because he has a wife and child walting for him in Murcia, but because being readier of speech than our stiff-tongued Manuelo, he will render a more vivid plcture of what he has witnessed.” The soft flow of the chief's volce neither rose nor fell. Gregorio shuddered vio- lently. “I will not witness it,” he cried. *“‘Shoot us both, In the name of the Virgin!” ‘“‘Be reasonable,” sald Manuelo. “For my sake, Gregorio, go free. Why should two die? Besldes, the thought that you live will be with me when the Quebranta- huesos is doing his worst. We Morunos do rfot know fear.” o3 Thera followed a silence, during which the chief stood like a dormant bird, his cloak half fallen on the sand at his feet. ‘““Other men besides you, Manuelo, other brave men have challenged me to do my worst, and with one exception I have al- ways lived to hear their vain appeals for merey.” Dot Q.'s low tone had an echo of weariness. ' “Now hear me, Manuelo; what if I give you also your life?"” The man did not reply at once; then he said: “Why mock me? Speak plainly.” “1 do not mock you..I have many faults in the eyes of men, but it is well known that T never lie. Is it not so?" “That is so.” “Tell me then, Manueio, the truth in return. What If I let you go free also?"’ The love of life was strong in Manualo. ‘Who knows. what struggle went on in his breast at that moment? . “It is impossible. . We have taken an oath that while life remains in our bodies we will seek vour life. If you spare us now we will come again.. Shoot me and be done with it. We are honorable men.” Don Q. burst into a shriek of hissing laughter., ““Manuelo, go free!” he cried. “See now I give myself into your hands. Go back to Murcia, and when your vow. troubles you, come again ‘and cross swords and wits with the king of the sequestradores. I really feel quite indebted to you, Man- uelo: look forward to, an added zest to life, for death stares at me forever from your eyes. And although [ have outgrown nesses, I still have in my heart a warm feeling for a very brave man.” | You have given me something to . T THE THFA BY HUGH A HUGH camesl. My lady friend wouldn't stand for.it when 1 told her that Bernhardt was saying “Old Mother Hubbard. she went to the cupboard.” She thought I was stringing her. T guess I was.: 1 told her that the French had gone to my head. Clara Jane sald I looked pale, and hadn't we better go home; she had enough, anyway! T'll bet she had. TII bet four dollars my lady friend had the worst play, bar none, that was ever adapted from the French. That's what she had, and I had such a headache! After we paddled off home my lady friend said she didn’t exactly undef- stand the plot of the play, but she'd be glad if 1 got the book and read the rest of it to her. plied Mr. Jonsing, “but he wired back dat ef yo' ole woman hed be'n rubbed on he hald wid a possum's tall wen she wuz bawned, she woodn't hev de roo- matiz and dat de proceedings of Wall street cain’t be suspended on her account. Much as Mr. Sage sympathizes with Miss Skilduck in her present confliction de ne- cessities of high Fine Nance prebents a suspension ob de commerce ob de land.” “I doan see wot Fine Nance hab got to do with Miss Shilduck’s roomatiz,” per- sisted melancholy Bkilduck. “Leastways, how de dibbil does dat Mr. Sage expect me to raise 70 cents if he done got all de munny dar is hisself? I doan see into dat, noway. Nance ain't got no money, er I'd hev took it away from her long ago.s An’ w'y does they call her Fine Nance? She ain't no finer dan nobody else.” “‘My pinion is,”” broke in William George ‘Washington, ‘“dat dis yere call mohey am a bluff ub de doctors to keep dat Mr. Sage al.ve an’ well. A man down the cawt house done tole me dat Mr. Sage am 246 years old already, and if bizness keéps up-de way it hez he will be 300 years old inside of a month. Dat's de way wid dem rich folk, nebbah satisfied. Nebbah satisfie Mr. Jonsing, who had been busily figuring out u series of quotations which would wipe out the bulk of ine customers’ mar- gins, renewed his impauent kicking on the floor; and presently the tclegraph be- gan its ticking. *“Malgamated Coppah, 170, he called out, “‘and dat busts yo' account wide open, Mr. Skilduck.” Mr. Skilduck arose and walked out of the place, skillfully anathematizing Mr. Russell Sage on the way. Then a few more loud ticks announced the confisca- tion of Deacon Shatterbox’s chickens— chickens that represented seyeral nights of unwearying industry on the part of the deacon. The latter shed a tear as he watched the crate with its feathered con- tents borne away, but later consoled him- self witu the reflection that there were more chickens where those came from, (3 / 4 l! £d MUST GET A SHAVE FOR TO-NIGHT Me!—off to the woods! Me!—to the tall timbers till she wakes up! No ore glad tidings from the French for me. My lady friend is the whole out- put, but she’ll have to get out of her trance and take me without mayon- naise dressing. 1 was a lobster to sit in the game, but I'm not pate de fole gras enough to stay there after my feet get cold. The next time I trot with my lady friend to the theater it will be to “The New York,” where they talk plain United States, and where you get two cozy-corners at fifty cents a throw! Believe me! Yours, on the griddle, JOHN HENRTY. (Copyright by G. W. Dillingham Ce.) and that the moon was rarely bright at this season. Willlam George Washington alone tri- umph¢d. He had gone short of seven shares of Dandy Mining Company prefer- red, and the resuit of the day's decline on that stock showed him to have profited 14 cents. He eagerly took his money and went to call on High Fine Nance. who, he thought, must have valuable views on the stock market. Here he had falled to reckon om Mr. Skilduck. The latter. too, had called on Miss Nancy Tootwilliger to demand an explanation of her conduct in. interfer- ing with his deals. When the two met. Miss Tootwilliger ran away, frightened. and Mr. Skilduck and Mr. Washington fought it out. The results were inconclu- sive, although Mr. Washington lest an ear and Mr. Skilduck a finger. But, on the whole, despite this incident, as Mr. Jonsing remarked at the close of office hours, “De market hab been berry active, ‘with a slight upward tendency.” 1MOST WONDERFUL BATTLESHIP Continued From Page 5. e stroyed before the ship can come into effective range of the lighter gun?” The undisturbed tendency of naval de- sign hus been to reduce the extent of the unarmored superstructure and to increase the protected areas, so that a larger amount of/ punishment can be received without serious consequences to buoyaney, stability or maneuvering power. According to an authority quoted by Sir William White armor has been so much improved in twenty years that it requires fifteen inches of the best iroa armor to offer the same re- sistance to perforation as that afforded by twelve inches of compound or ordi- nury steel plates, or by seven inches of Harveyized, or finally by five and three-quarter inches of Krupp. It will be readily seen how much this reduc- tion in thickness, without any diminu- tion in resisting power, mecans to the designers of ships. The cost per ton has, naturally cnough, risen with im- provements® in duality, but the price is well worth paying hecause of its re- markable intluence in keeping down ship dimensions, because of the less weight of protective material neceded for certain defensive power. In all the later classes the distribution of the armor has been greatly extended, though, it must be confessed, the weights are still very great. In the King- Edward VII class, for examr:ke the total weight of the armor is nearly. 36 per cent of the displacement, and out of a total cost of £1,300,000 the armor represents a little less than onc third; that {is, £400,000. The Dreainaught is expected to have even a larger provortion and it is hoped an improved distribution of armor, both bécause of her -greater displacement and’ of fl)e'|nlfier installation of so many more great guns. ¥ X - The.’ proposed use of water tube boilers and turbines has excited some opposition among those British ex- perts that as a rule approve of neither the new ship nor of the recént organi- zgtion of the fleet. The successful run across. the, Atlantic and back of the new battleship Dominion must do much to settle the controversy over . the water tube boilers, and the increasing experiences - with turbine ' machinery must serve to -show its’ uséfulnéss in war -as well as in merchant construc- tions. < There -are to be. two high- vressure and two low-pressure turbines, each operating a seperate shaft, and each of these will also carry an astern turbine. Two turbines will also be em- ployed for cruising purposes. The steam pressure is higher than any heretofore used with the turbine sys- tem. The promised speed, if realized, will make the Dreadnought the fast- est battleship afloat, and by the use of turbine machinery economies in working and possibly in space will, without any loss in efficiency, be gained. Apart from the novel features embodied In the design of the Dreadnought, the ce- lerity with which she will be built is sure to establish a new record in construction. Hitherto no battleship of any type has been turned out in less than twenty-two months, and then the standard vessel displaced only 15,000 tons, compared with the 18,000 tons of the newest ship. The strain of this high pressure construction has of course been very great, but so far none of the officers or civillans engaged has broken down under it. It may be.their good fortune to see the great vessel, which they laid down in Oc- tober and launched on Febryary 10, fin- ished by February, 190i—that is, in six- teen months from the date the first keel plate was laid. It is wndoubtedly true that a great deal of the material was made ready months beforehand, but even this advantage will not diminish the value of a noteworthy achievement. ‘The large body of opinion in favor of the design seems, in all fairness, to war- rant the belief that the Dreadnought wili probably be the most powerful battleship ever put afloat. The design, so far as is known, appears to be governed by the assumption that the fighting lire must muster ships which combine the heaviest armament, the greatest speed and the strongest protection. To attain this the displacement must be large enough to unite the- total elements harmoniously and without compromise. On the one hand the modern displacement must en- le the ship to carry all necessary stores and equipment, to berth her personnel during extended cruls to afford a stable gun platform and maintain a high speed in turbulent water and yet not so large as to forbid ease of handling. safe admission to all principal ports, and, fin- ally, facility of docking in the existing costly structures. Owing to our rela- tively shallow harbor entrances and channel ways the element of a safe work- ing draught must be added to the other controlling factors in an examination of the problem.