The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, November 26, 1905, Page 9

- [ vea BYY 2o IAN MACLARENT® < {8 course &t T the governmer nsense if she coul 1 to bow s volce agal blew * his brazen eth nd were two subor- women as well as Queen- Household. ¢ the marriage the Scripture alone, life there who The Head of the Jamieson was away the thought ery tacetious mar was in John's body did not appear, but it o have would have in the y Hke- wes a sensible nize the wisdom of p for his deficien- plying pensation one can be- the paths be thankf they are not head of the hou and have not, the opportunity of squan- goods and playing the fool Ger ng Author and Bditor. does follow of course emen of the Jamieson type may ve gifts of their 6wn, although regiment,” for the ersation between an and one of his most frequent throws some light upon not that nt for 8 ¥ it was up to me to tell what alls Ge wolld 'd say it was de moveitis. 4y ever read about dose old n ; had to go where you coach? a stage tis of all sorts den dan New York! Say, de big- here to-day is building folks can go te more res, faster and oftener and dis is only de be- I reads in de papes. yoner does we get a ccuple de city dan everybody red million in delr what a lot of "em dere dig more tunnels. Under ns and houses and own town and Across; t and nort’ and sout’; four from Coney Island to i$ no end of ‘em com- yet to be heard re dere want to stop to home idn't you t'ink a mug would his mind what part of de old move dere wit' what appy, and stop dere? De t'ing everybody wants to i is doing, IS to get as far away eryt'ing he wants to see as he and den yell for subways, surface from e THE ther variety of the same situation. SAN : FRANCISEO- -SUNDAY -CALL: You have dome pretty well with last book,” sald the great man who depended upon a fixed salary and not the lottery of fiction. “You must have taken in a good sum In royalties.” The author admitted that he had. but felt that more talk was coming, and that this interest in his private affairs would have some practical con- clusion “Are you laying anything past for your wife and children?” continued the editor, with firm, searching accents, “or are you spending every penny like the other young fools?” With marked THEY ARE ~oOoT GOOD allusion to the fact that when a man's boek succeeds and it is a novel he is apt to start a riding horse for park and a victoria for his wife. The trembling author assured his monitor that he was saving every penny that he could, and that the last thing he would dream of would be riotous liv- ing, and then he ventured to inquire what was the reason for this solicitude. “Because,” said.the moralist, “I have been to your house,” where indeed the editor had been exceedingly well at- tended to and sent away, warmed and filled. “And I've seen your wife.,” Then after a pause during which he sur- veyed the rising author with calm im- partiality, “Yes, I have seen your wife, and you would be a poor creature apart from her.” It was the kind of plain speaking which an editor allpws himself when he is talking to an author, but it was not very far from the truth, for that particular writer may have a slender gift for fiction, but he hag none what- ever for household affairs, He has, however, the sense to know his own incapacity, and brings every penny he earns to his wife, who arranges for everything and pays for everything and sees that her husband has a new sult of clothes when he absolutely needs them, and gives him a small sum for trem fares and an eccasional afternoon tea. An Abuse of Power. The plan had worked excellently and the suthor was just comparing notes with a stonemason lately, who told him that he also bad brought his weekly wages to his wife ever Satur- . CHIMMIE FADDEN cars and elevated trains to take him all over de lot. When dey gets de moving platform on Thaity-fort' street dere will be four layers of track at Park avenue, t'ree under ground and one on de soi- face, and at Broadway and Sixt’ avenoo dere will be t'ree under ground—count- ing de one coming over from .Jersey— t'ree on de soiface and one up in de air, making seven layers of track at dat neck of woods, and it's easy money to bet dat dere will be a yell for more. I was asking Mr. Paul what t'ell, and be says it was because man had never give up de dope dream dat he could be in two places to once. He Is trylng hard to beat de game at dat, and perhaps before he gets t'rough wit’ de struggle he may win out, and we'll hear a story teller begin, “Yesterday at exactly seven minutes after 6 o'clock in de afternoon when I was at de Bat- tery and Long Acre square.” is part of de same fever dat man try to fly In.de air like'a says Mr. Paul. “I never had de fever meself, for I am mostly satisfled to stop where I am, being fond of good company, which I can get when I am alone. But I finds dat most of me fellow-citizens always wants to go somewhere. If you ask 'em why dey says because it will be In anodder place, yet when dey gets dere makes a quick move to get away. “It dey Te the LOCKING, NOR WELL D RFS NOR PER NOR HUM UASIVE IN MANNER LE INSPIRIT: 94 AS A RULE THIS WOMAN POofs NOT LIVE IN ANY MAN'S HOM g, BUTLIKEASTAR DWELLS APART. / day since they were married, with the exception of 4 pence which he kept for tobacco. They both agreed that they could not have done better, but the mason was complaining that his wife had grown so genteel through prosperity that she would not allow him with the easy habit of former days to spit into the kitchen grate when at his evening smoke. "“An able woman is Margaret, but ever since she turned £400 in the savings bank she's go. ter- rible particular.” There are limits, however, to this regiment, however qualified the ruler may be and howev.r willing the sub- ject may be, and it is not good for so- clety and does not help the man's self respect when he is reduced to the con- dition of a mental serf. It was the writer's fortune to be once assoclated in public work with a man of consider- able capacity and the most lofty inten- tions, who was so brow-beaten by his wife that he could only give the opin- ion which she had dictated to him pre- vious to a meeting. He laid down' his view with clearness and assurance, but we all knew who had clarified his mind and given him that backbone, and on one occasion when he was sore put to in argument and was taken, 8 it were at a distance from his reserves, he gave % < s matter wit' most places seems to be hour of 4 o'clock in de afternopn. tranquil mind, of good digestion, of a dat dey are not some odder place; and on dat curious fact rests de abllity of capital to pay dividends on half a bil- Hon dollars of real money, invested in Manhattan loeal transportation, a half a billlon of water trun in good measure, and to keep de money from getting dry. “If New York was a city instead of 5,000,000 of strangers it might not be =0, but even dat is not sure. De com- plaint is spreading all over de country and between places as well. De man dat llyes in Cohoes used to know dat he had & good ting, but now he is wor- rying because he tinks dat de cit'zens of Hohokus may ‘have a better ting, and he goes over dere to see about it. “Dere was a time when de quality of dis city, as I have heard me granmod- der say, considered a man quite a cut- up if he went furder away from Park lace dan Canal street, and a trip ‘to ashington square answered de same longing dat now sends a man up de Nile or to Alaska. But dey was happy and good folks; drank punches, pald deir pew rents, flirted moderately and ate deir dinners at 2 o'clock in de aft- ernoan, except on packet salling days, when de hard working men of affairs for stopped so late at deir o 8 getting off forn mail dey had to e down on Beaver street at de tu'glv late himself away.and replied to his gritic: ““What you ‘say may Seem reasonable, but I know that my course is the right one, for my wife said so this morning.” Then we-all looked at the ceiling, and to do the other man justice he took no advantage of the exposed flank. In- deed we sympathized with our friend and in our more impious moments re- turned thanks that we were not under the same absolute regiment, but that we were allowed the liberty of breath- ing, at least in our public life. Some- times a question was sprung auddenly upon the councll, and then our good friend, having received no instructions, knew not what line to take. His condition was 8o pitiable that a’ charitable chairman used to suggest that perhaps he would think the matter over after he had gone home and let us have" _his judgment ‘at next meeting, which we had then in remarkably forcible and de- cided terms. His wifé was so accustomed to rule and so convinced that this was what every woman ought to do, that she used to remonstrate with the wives of younger members of the same counci, “Dey called on each odder evenings, a ting which would make de ponift. woild of te-day shudder to tink: dey knew dat City Hall was de biggest ought to be; dey went to choich in walks up de Bowery, and two-or t'ree timi a'vear dey drove away uptown as far as Greenwich Village, which is now so far downtown most folks don't know where it is. “Sometimes, when I am in need ‘of styong mental exercise I try to imagine my good old grandfadder getting mq a hus- copper car under de ground at . after morning worship, and being tled trough a hole in de ground to ‘de Bronx. But imagination boggles; has its limits, lika a game of poker, and, try ag I do, de old gentleman refuses to get into de picture. And why shouldn’t he? Why should we? Are we gnats dat we should be always moving as fast as we._car, just to prove dat we are alive and not stuffed? x “Which reminds me, Chames, dat not to it being stuffed meself, I sometimes has a slight toist—a small bottle wiil do, for de present, Tapks. e / “As I was seying, dere is many tings we fellow New Yorkers and what dey needs most Is repose. -l:‘d: sign and mark of good “DONT NOBODY WANT TO STOP HOME EVER? because they allowed their husbands.to vote as they pleased Instead of giving them their instructigns before they left. Her position was indeed so asspred that our worthy colleague had become a mere annex to his wife, and used to be known in soclety, without a smile or any inten- tional sarcasm but simply as a recognition of a fact, as Mrs. Peterkin's husband. Which was his function in life, and he haq resigned himself to it, so that when we knew him the last race of independ- ence, if he had ever had any, had disap- peared. Mrs. Peterkin’s Husba: If. one were ever to allow himself . to use Knox's exceedingly impolitic and of- fensive language and to speak about the “‘monstrous regiment of women'" it would be when ‘he is thinking of a certain kind of woman who giyes herself, not to house- hold quty, which she s apt to despise, but to. public life where she proposes to set right the affairs of the commonwealtn, Among such Wwomen there are many very gentle and lovable persons, but there are others who are, to put it mod- estly, less than attractive, They are not clear congcience and a clean body. Have we got it? Is dere such a ting in New York? No: it has been destroyed -by de microbe.of moveltis. Can a man— and bullding in the wolld, or‘if it wasn't it I ask you—-can a man, or a woman, practice de elegancles of repose while real” John street or Park row; dey took long “hanging on a car strap, running to get .t'rough @ ear gate before de guard has a _chance tq shut it, or while buying a sub- way" or slevated ticket, making change and holding onto his newspaper, um- brella, gloves, poise, seven bundles and his ‘temper at one and de same time? Jmpossible, Even if he is lucky enough to get t'rough de crush and win a seat, 1s he-any better off? He sits down wit dignity, and says to himself dat he wili practice “repose, and just den a large leman steps on his toes, a larger e ywiing nto his 1a, while o yot man pokes a walking-stick into hi-u:‘ya and swears at' him for crossing his-legs. Where is his renose den? | “No, Chames, good manpers will re- toln to man only when man retoins to de stage coach as a means of getting about, and an Inducement to stop where " he is. . .*] am aware dat rapid transit is a necessity to some of us, but dose dat " must have It wouldn't need one car of ‘ echi‘hyndred dat now skims over, un- . der or on top of our mad streets. Most ., of us go 3 our varied and aw- fnl means of rapid trapsit for no better good looking, nor well dresse@, nor per- suasive in manner, nor humble in spirit. One may respect their intentioms, but he does not hanker after their company, and he is most grateful to providence that that «ind of woman does not live in his home. As a rule this woman does not live in any man’s home, but like a star dwells apart.. Although whether this seclusion 18 due to the loftiness of her ideals or to the Llindness of mankind may be a ques- tion of debate. One is relieved, however, to think that this excellent female is usually unmarried, 1d this seems to be the conviction of that shrewd and discern- ing body of men. the police force. One day, so the story goes, a policeman was on guard outside a hall where the fe- male workers of the United Kingdom, or whatever that body of ladies is called which supervises soclety, were meeting. His duty was to see that no man be al- lowed In to the sacred rites apd he was determined to do his duty. *Ladles only, sir,” as an elderly gentle- man came up and desired admittance, ‘“‘can’t allow you in.” “Just so, officer, just 30; I quite under- reason dan ‘dat de means are provided. If we all stopped to home more we would hear less scandal—and provide less; we would reag mare books and write fewer; would W our own fam- illes better and odder families not so well; we would play more chess and less bridge; dere would be fewer mil- Mners and more cooks; more house- keeping and less housebreaking; more christenings and fewer divoices; plan- olas would give way to hand-made musie, and the extra editions of de yel- low joinals would be reduced to a mere dozen a day. I am sorry dat Baron Rothschiid has discovered dat he can earn § per cent on meney and 5 on water by digging tunnela for to take New York away from deir homes into mischief. “I know dat some would suffer if we retoined ta de stage coach for our means of getting downtown after din- ner. De teeater trust would have to go to wolk for a lying and de lobster ?ulg_cel would be deserted; divoice awyers would have to go to driving atages,and roof gardens would be con- verted into potajo patches. But we could stand all dat If we tried bard. 1 sup t'ings must got wolse be- fore dey mend. De inventors are hot on de track of de succesaful air car. De time will come when it will be as cheap, as easy and as quick to go to San Francisco as it now Is to gp from - trembling manner, “but I've come to take my wife home. If you'll just allow ms to look In at the door, she.will see me and ieave. In fact, officer, she told me to be here at this hour, and I must show my- selt.” “No use, sir,” sald the officer regarding the abject figure amiably, -and wonder- ing that there could be so much deceit in such a simple locking man. “That story won’t do with me,” and them point- ing with his thumb over his shoulder to the hall behind “‘there’s none of that lot married.” Poor Peterkin, howaver, is sometimes married, and although he I accustomed to the yoke, It sometimes rests lheavy upon him. “Now, old man,” said the host to his friend when the hostess had bidden them good-night and the two had made their way to the study, “we'll have an hour's quiet talk and a smoke. My wifs is great on early hours and I generally fall in with her wishes, but we'll hear twelve o'clock strike to-night at any rate. A man ought to be Julius Ceasar in his own house.” The door had not been closed and he spoke too loudly, for the next second a voice was heard low, but flrm: “Jultus Caesar, come to bed,” and Ju- lus Caesar went. New York to Hoboken. Den we may hope for a reform. When all Chicag~ 1s in Boston, and all Boston in Chicago: when ajl Philadelphia -1s In St. Louls. and de people of St. Louis all In Phila- delphia, dey will begin to ask why. Dey will say, ‘What t'¢ll?" beyond a doubt, Chames. And de answer will be, ‘T was in a better place when I was at home.” Dat will begin de reform. Stages will again run on our streets, doves will coo on de mosS-grown track of the ele- vated, and our rapld transit tunnets will soive for water and sewer pipes. for gas and electric gallertes, und a state of repose will again tranquillize de land. “But bless me, how long I have talk- ed. Run and get me hat and stick, for 1 must take an underground express to Wall street, to see are me margins safe. Have me evening dress ready when I come back. for F've promised me wife to dine with her at friénds in West- chester. Tl take a cab to de station. Have de carriage at de Grand Central at 11 o'clock te drive us to Long Acre square, for we are always hungry after dining In de copntry. Teil de conchman he needn’t wait for us after supper, for we can cateh u cross-town electric to de station in time for .de 1:02 for Larchmont. But telephone de coach- man dere to meet us. Hurry, EDWARD W. TO' (Copyright, 1905, by Edward W.