The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, February 21, 1904, Page 12

THE SAN FRANCISCO SUNDAY CALL. of course, be hopelessly hospitality is much be Botie The abused, less ap- word, one of one's it brings f ideas; y of yours,” ask- e all the g of the ONDON Imy. 1t HOSPITAY he doesn’t thing care eat of la } without a man. We would sooner be waited on by parlormaids and go in buses than miss our four—or sometimes five— feeds a day. It is only a difference in the point of view. It is therefore hopeless to expect anything in the way of hospitality in London except food. Sometimes there is & little music or a little dancing, but it is all an excuse for food. 8o we turn to the country. hoping to find our ideal of hospitality there. Ther a certain round of country house visiting, which everybody in the s “treadmill,” who in any way re- 1f, is bound to pursue. and deer, from- mid- mid-October; England, co- ng for November, December y part of January; Ireland, a few weeks’ hunting, oth- land and the hunt balls. » are optional, but to autumn among the grouse, tridges and pheasants is, peaking, inevitable. Then the the country houses fly open strange phenomena are ex- » the view of the observer of spe him Scotland, g A COUNTRY HOST'S DIFFICULTIES curse there arg two sides to this, every other question. There is int of view of the host and there of view of the guest. If we perfect guests we should have more perfect hosts to them. But the guest is often ving personage. This Is is so easy to be a far easier than to st. The guest has meanor to order, host has to make a thou- ents for the comfort of atisfactory guest is al- asant and always pleased; he s own occupations and does not on his host's hands; he is the other guests without he is punctual to the servants no ex- properly when he host credit by his and conversation -regulated in- he is rare, and instead of with a series of people vating in their own re guest who is never in a maddening varfety. If he is the bugbear of shoot- s never ready to start the whole plan of the host and his keeper get. through before is a lady, she always ng, spoiling the fish, the cook, and sometimes ted cases where she is has to be left behind, nce of the procession Both examples invariably , both coming nge parties s This type of 1 the least ashamed of r defects, but rather proud of n otherwise. They never con- mselves not only rude but ex- gelfish; they rather think it d disinterested in them to take »f time. TROUBLESOME « _* . h guest is the one her own mind. I because it is al- his guest has pro- when she 1e should never of the dime Chatsworth, or less makes house where the a sions or more mmodati limited she is an un- mitigated ance, but she does not care a b that. She wants to mpake use not to make herseif pleass When she never makes In her mild- gives her the choice Sh-~ bores the hostess want to order the guests st who has dls- house, espies some one with whom they are not in sympathy, and instantly de- termines to be rude to that some one to cut them dead in a mark- er. This generally makes things very awkward, and shows a lack of sense of what Is due to the hostess. You need not visit in a “set” you hap- pen to dislike, but if you find yourself among them, it is better taste to be civil. Cela n'engage a rlen. You need not take your hostess’ distasteful The guest who does not harmonize is a variant of the last named type. But his defects are generally attributa- ble to the hostess. She ought not to have asked him. One person whose passion Is music set down among a lot of people who think of nothing but sport s almost certain to be a failure, and so is the'reverse case. Some hos- tesses have a genius for asking' the wrong people to meet each other. An almost worse variety is the guest useless for all practical purposes. She —it is generally a girl—has only one thought, and all monomaniacs are tire- some people. If the object of her one thought is responsive they make them- spends all her time in tete-a-tetes with one after another of the women, confld- ing her woes. She is excitable and tearful, and tends to disturb the party. Peaceful flirtation is quite another thing; it helps to the wheels. Then there is the guest who “asks himself.” This is a very trying per- son, because he is sure not to be want- ed, or he would have been asked. Very few hosts have the moral courage to dious variet fter t re host and hostess want He is always a per- to be am ntin- 10t bear his om- . UEST'S POINT OF VIEW But tHere is another po from which to view hos: ality the guest. And if the guest y a trial, the host is satisfactory. The perfect hos host read hostess) would be one who thought of his guests be T and that is scarcely in hu The sort of host we who 1 s his guests con and ts them do exact! ike; for them he makes hotel where they do mot have Everything they want is at in abundanee. Meals ar they are supposed to be reac v time 2 har ¢ the unpunctual host a quently unpunctual s much to be dé‘!\rfi-af:fi! as : tual guest. The ‘desirable ,k‘n 1o does not care to stay in houses he is made more uncomfortal would be at his club; it is not worth his while. And if he finds hi elf b chance in such a house he has a nient telegram which gives him an cuse to go away, and he does not ¢ back: mereover, he warns his fr and that house gets a bad nam The worst sort of host is ne ders his guests about. He 1 them as instruments ment and easure, and about theirs. He will not al 5 express an lesires. If he says they are to d r to walk or to go in a motor ca however much the han he ks for his amuse- thinks yw them to ever jependent chu prayers, sk of committ happen to be persuasion to their h have the moral coura; yrt of host f his guests, guest to THE BAD HOST. Another bad entertain This type grudges iests eat, that they of food drink wine tk s8 spies on two peor about togeth does not seem betwe pieces eyes. There is the } know you by sight a when he T host who te ries—he 1is very the host who one motto for all concerned. selfish; cleave to those breeding or Christlan charity or both put you first and themselves second. For the others, their entertainments may be magnificent; they ar ot hos- a foot- 2 arriving at a friends to your heart. who falls in love. This person is quite selves comspicuous; if he is not, she refuse his request, and so he becomes pitality. HELEN FORBES. —— AR ~ o — AINI A : By Willi S ==By William J. Shearer S S e — “ A —d i ke each adult, has > whether he rm a given good enerally arly y de will be or s of Il readily be seen b g of any child to right act ist be almost entirely a train- The parent who is suc- difficult work will he manage: nt rainspring of every every function of d body is subject to its dic- 3 ical deformity aded as a weak which largely de- £ every perso: ely be strong nd morally, as he and direct it The will should at ictates of con- the result is al- ruined character. get, then, that the central, sustaining It is the life-giving bullds up the elements of a harmonious whole. Almos Th rtant truth may be more appa Jet us consider the T « re carefully. Knowledge of right and wrong w e ) e performance of right ac- hole being, body and mi: the commands of the in ing force—the will. Many fectly well what the mor- s are too weak to follow The drunkard, for in- s only too well the disas- of strong @rink; but his s too weak to contrel his He can form the ken rep 3 & tender conscience suf- ficient elf to brace up a nature defective will force. The keenest sorrow and shame may be felt for faults committed, yet again and again the same fault will be repeated, the same vicious practice indulged in, be- cause the vital, strength-giving will is absent On the will depends the strengthen- of weak points, the resistance to > assaults of temptation, the effect- ss of good resolutions, the carry- ing out of designs—in fact, the success of t whole nfan, morally and materi- ¥ mscience, with its awakening voice, yr one from an aimless, inef- ctive existence, or from a life of sin 1d dishonor and set him upon his feet. sen: right and duty will point out to him the direction his line should take. Only his will power will hold him in his upright position and enable him to move forward with determination toward a better goal. All of the fundamental virtues depend upon the will for their growth and effi ciency. Even the naturally timid may gain courage by the exercise of their wills. They can force themselves to be brave in danger, to calm all apprehen- slons of evll, to go forward unterrified into peril. The lazy, generally a most difficult class to deal with, can over- come their aversion to work. They can make themselves undertake tasks that they dread and labor perseveringly to the end. They can train themselves to industrious habits. The will can make the weak strong and self-reliant, and teach them t4 de- use pend on themselves. It can nerve us for conflict with difficulties and adversi- ties. It can inspire with courage for whatever duty there may be to perform, for whatever misfortune may befall. the realm of justice we can com- selves to be absolutely truthful t of will, even when the strong- temptation to tell an untruth pre- We can cast out all feei- of prejudice and revenge, of un- ness and selfishness. The most bit- A can change his sentiments and become forgiving. The most heartless and selfish can become ympathetic and helpful. aritable thoughts the mind, be held back, by est self. may be ex- spiteful words selfish and cruel may be restrained, all by the righteous use of our wills; and the world will be happier = these wills work for the ends of justice. A strong will power that can govern emotion, that can secure the mastery over self, is the secret of self-control. The bodily appetites, the dangerous de- sire for drink, the craving for injurious narcotics, may be kept under by its aid. All passionate outbursts of anger may be restrained, violence may be subdued into gentleness, desire for ex- travagant amusements and too much pleasure may be curbed. The whale being will thus be brought under and made subject to the higher law of rea- son rather than to our desires. In the many practical affairs of daily life an exercise of will power will enable us to perform our duties well and quickly. We can force our- selves to stop and think, to be delib- erate, careful and thorough. In studies success depends largely upon attention. This power of voluntary attention can be secured only by an effort of the will. All great victories ever gained, whether in war or in politics, in sci- X ence or in religion, have been gained by men of strong: will. Thus it is will that has determined the course of his- v, that has made and unmade na- that has wrought reforms, that has explored, investigated, invented and so increased the knowledge and comfort of mankind. It is the lack of will, shown in inde- cision, vacillation and cowardice, that has brought ruin to individuals, to or- ganizations and to nations. Stupidity, apathy, even bodily weakness, in many cases, may be traced back to this fun- damental weakness of character. “Fee- bleness of will brings about weakness of the head and of the heart.” The in- tellect and the affections will be im- paired. The man will become a wretch- ed creature and end his Jife in failure. From what has been said it will read- ily be seen that the personal power of any one is dependent upon the strength of the will. The individual who per- sistently directs his will power along proper lines is sure to be successful. — WASHINGTON AND THE REST. + HE “Father of His Country,” whose 172d birthday we celebrate to-morrow, is not as well un- derstood as he ought to be by the millions of people who now inhabit the land which he helped to wrest from England. To many he is still a dim semi-mythical figure. Some only snicker when his name is mentioned because their thought .at once reverts to the apochryphal incident of the hatchet and the cherry tree. And yet, thanks to such volumes as Senator Lodge's biography in the series en- titied “American Statesmen” and to Paul Leicester Ford's “The Real George ‘Washington,” he is better known to this generation than perhaps to any since his own. He has been humanized. Without losing his massive grandeur he has become closer of kin to us, a being not to be worshiped but to be revered and followed. Of course schol- ars will still discuss whether Washing- ton is after all the typical American; whether that distinction does not be- Icng more to Lincoln, Washington be- ing too close to the English stock and hablt of life to rank as such. But after all who is the typical American? Must it be the man in whose veins flows a certain kind of blood? No; we should broaden our definition of the typical American to include a Roose- “velt of Dutch extraction, a Jacob Riis of Danish strain, Who knows but the typical American fifty years hence may be the son of that poor, ignorant im- migrant who landed at Castle Garden only yesterday? Certainly George Washington stands for three tralts which belong to the best type of American character. In the first place he was a hard worker. He owed his advances and his successes to his own strong right arm and to his untiring industry. What & splendid example he is of the men who have dcne the rough, hard work necessary for the development of this great coun- try of ours! I am not thinking now only of the battles or the terrible win- ters at Valley Forge, but also of the experiences on the frontier as a young surveyor. Hear what he says of them himself in a letter to friend: “Since last October I have not slept above three or four nights in a bed, but after walking a good deal all the day I have lain down before the fire upon a little hay, straw or fodder, or @ bearskin, whichever was to be had, and happy {s he who gets the berth nearest the fire.” Thus was he trained and toughened in the school of priva- tion, exposure and toil. And when one thinks of his tremendous responsibili- ties in connection with the administra- tion of the army and the founding of the nation, we can hardly find it in our hearts sn complain of the work we have to do and the burdens we have to carry. ‘Washington was the great lover of his country. He belfeved In this coun- try, its possibilities, and its destiny, long before there was much of a coun- e [ try to believe in, when there were hardly any resources in the way of an army or a navy or treasures in vaults or any national consciousness of the wealth of the farms and mines. Love of country became, even under these circumstances, a master passion. * And shall we of later years, now that the nation has become a world power, love, serve and belleve in it any less, despite manifest shortcomings and transgres- sions? He loved righteousness, too, and hated iniquity. Washington was no prig, as the cherry tree legend would in- timate. He was a full-blooded, large hearted, fallible human being, but among his early writings is a set of a hundred rules which he had copied in boyish hand, evidently for his own guldance. The last rule reads “Labor to keep alive In your breast that little spark of celestial fire called con- science.” And when he had reached the summit of his earthly successes his mother could only say that “George had always been a good boy and she was sure he would do his duty.” It is good to-have had such a leader at the forefront of this nation’s life. Abraham Lincoln, whose birthday has just been observed, and Willlam Mec- Kinley, whose birthday also fell within the last month, were men of similar caliber, though differing in personal characteristics. We honor them most, not merely by eating big commemor- ative dinners or by knocking off work for a day, but by studying the sources of their greatness and by following in their footsteps. THE PARSON. He who has no will power cannot pes- sibly succeed in any undertaking. How important it is that every parent should understand the function and training of the will before it is too late to influence it. The laws which govern its development are well understood. he parent who has no knowledge of the simplest principles governing the development of the will need not won- der that he fails to secure obedience from his children. A year ago the writer was asked con- cerning the conduct of a boy 15 years old. The father was very mvch pro- vokes He sald, in speaking of the boy, “He always was pig-headed; I never saw such a stubborn boy. 1 will break his will or I will break his back. I have sent him to the best schools in the country. I have done everything in my power, but I cannot break his will.” Such questions as the following were asked of the parent: “Why should you want to break his wiil? Did you ever stop to think of what it means to a boy or girl who has a strong will? Can you blame the boy? Is he not a chip off the old block? What would you have amounted to if you ‘were not as self-willed as you are? You are a man of very successful business experience, and have a very large cir- cle of acquaintances among business men. Do you know of any one who has won great success in any line of business, except by perseverance and hard work, the result of strong deter- mination? What you want to do for that boy is to try to train his will. Di- rect it into proper channels, and he may have as great success in his life's work as his father has had. Do as you threatened td do, break his will if you can, and you will hav® ruined his chances for success in life. A broken will is just about as valuable as a broken bow.” The good sense of the gentleman led him to agree that he had been w rong and to express the determination of treating the boy differently in the fu- ture. Would that all parents, to whose attention this matter is called, would be equally wise! During nine months of the past year that boy continued to give much trouble to the parents, teachers and others. About three months ago he developed great interest in certain subjects. Since that time he has given no trouble to any one. To- day he promises to be a great success. But for a little patience at a time when it was needed, he would now be an out- cast from home, wandering, as many others have been compelled to, because parents did not understand the first prineiples of the right management of those of strong will. Too few haye given any considera- tion to this subject. Still fewer appre- ciate the importance of seeing clearly the difference between will training and will breaking. The tralning of a child’s will implies teaching him to choose one of several courses. Thus, by bringing influences to bear upon a child, he may be induced to decide for himself. Breaking his will is forcing him to do what he is told, regardless of what he wishes to do. This takes from the child his power of free choice, which 1s the highest expression of his true personality. Nevertheless, the child should understand clearly the re- sult of not choosing wisely. For exam- vle, suppose a child is told to leave the room. He refuses to do so. The par- ent, without further words, whips him until he does leagve the room or until the parent sees it is impossible to break his will. Would it not be wiser for the parent to first tell the child that, if he does not leave the room, it will be necessary to punish him severe- ly? After having given plenty of time for making a choice, it may be neces- sary for the parent to rem the child by main force. But the child has been given the option of either leaving or taking the consequence: Is not this God's way of treating Does he not permit every person choose between right and wrong erywhere and at all times and under all 2 us? to circumstances he gives to man the freedom of choice. This is given with the distinct understanding that he must take the consequences. He presents the advantages of one course of action and the disadvantages of the other Upon Uman he always places the re- sponsibility of choosing between right and the wrong. Can any pare find a better way to train his own ¢ dren? In most cases the will of a child is, st, quite weak. It grows stror ars. At the same age it is the treated carefully. In the Obedience, Incentives and the Stubborn Child” many incentives will be found At this time it is not necessary to do more than emphasize the fact that there must be no conflict between the will of the parent and that of the child. Such is a conflict of brute force. The stronger will be victorious. Punish- ment will do no good, save as it shows a child that it does not pay to will to do wrong. The will must be trained through the feelings. It is the only way that it can possibly be trained.