The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, February 21, 1904, Page 11

O™ ) SR=I\Ew b el READY LER v O TANE - - ‘MD%;EZ’T",\’)'-J oF THE ~E AT T HEQODOR] LUNSTEDPT SURFERVISOR. Louns | By NG TON DraSYRICT AT T OR NE > The Dotted Lines Show the Shape of Each Man’s Head. F you want to know what are the “bumps” that make our politi- clans successful, don't go to a phrenologist. Just ask your hat- ter. Ten chances to one the phrenologist hasn’t a record of the “bumps.” The hatter has. And while you are about it, just have your hatter make a copy of your own. You'd be surprised at the shape of your cranium, which you'll \ discover has dips and angles where you least suspect. Incidentally the record thus obtained will furnish you much food for thought when compared with those selfsame successful directors of public affairs. If you doubt that the hatter sees the politiclan entirely different from anybody else, look at the dotted lines encircling each of the photographs on this page. Those are our politicians as their hatter sees them. Never think it, would you? And if any of them should be inspired with the di- vine inflatus that is usually the result of victory, the hatter not only knows it first, but can accurately gauge its dimensions and probable latitudinal and longitudinal development. And all of this with a little machine that is as fearful and wonderful to behold as any instrument of torture in the dark medieval ages, but which is as reliable in the story it tells as it is complicated in construction. = \ In shape it is like an abbreviated “plug” hat, made of umbrella ribs, with a stove lid on the top and four curved braces to keep the ribs in place Iike the cradle props in a drydock. At first glance it suggests nothing so much as a new fangled typewriter, but when the hatter calms your fears long enough to place it upon your head you are surprised to find that it is no heavier than an ordinary hat and much more comfortably fitting. To be sure, it is not exactly a new in- strument, but it is such a wonderful improvement over the old head meas- uring machines that its feather weight is nothing short of astounding. And it 1s with this that all the records of your “bumps” are made. Thus, as is so cheerfully illustrated on this page by Monsieur Tom Dil- lon, the Market-street hatter, when the machine has been put on your head and crushed down until it feels as comfortable as your last year's hat, the little stove 1id on the top is opened up, displaying & yawning curve of dangerous looking steel pins like carnivorous teeth. The oval spring on the under side of the stove lid is pressed outward and a sheet of blank paper inserted into space behind it. The stove 1id is then closed down again until the little steel pins perforate.the paper, when it is once more opened up and the paper removed. The real shape of your head is recorded in this SOLITICIANS AS THEY APPBEAR delicate tracery of pln‘ pricks and from this map of your “bumps” your hat {s made and the map filed away for future reference. This is the up- to-date way of buying your hats. ' Hatter Dillon has hundreds of these little pin perforated maps, and among them are the most pruminent politi- cians of the last two decades, though for the purpose of best illustrating this article only the men who are now filling the public eye are used herewith. First on the list is Mayor Schmitz. Would you ever suspect from looking at his face how the birdseye view of his head looks to Hatter Dillon? As recorded by the head measuring ma- chine it is almost a perfect egg shape, with only a, glight deflection from the even curving line on the left side. As shown in the pictures, the lower end of the dotted line is the forehead and the upper the back of the head. To the right of Mayor Schmitz is Franklin K. Lane and to the left Henry J. Crocker, who were the rival candidates for Mr. Schmitz’'s office during the last cam- paign. Just note the great dissimil ity in the shape of all these thre: heads, Mayor Schmitz's is widest at a point directly above the ears, Mr. Crocker's gust behind the ears, while Mr Lane's, strangest of all, is widest directly in front of the ears and almost above the temples, sloping off abruptly into a very pointed forehead. It is the most curiously shaped head of all the ans in Hatter Dillon’s big col- n, full of dips and angles and un- expected contusions. Hatter Dillon explains these sudden little dips from the even curve of the head with the very ingenious theory that they are caused by sleeping more on that side of the heéad than on the other. The expert phrenologist would have quite another theory and would proceed to demonstrate it thus: That the width of the head behind the ears denotes the driving force, the grit, the determination, the bulldog tenacity that brings success, while the width in front of the ears shows the intellectual development. Those who are fond of delving into the sciences, therefore, can make a comparison between these three records of the head-measuring machine and the returns of the last election. Of almost similar shape to Mr. Crock- er's is the little pin-hole map of Cor- oner Leland’s head, though it has greater proportionate breadth at the forehead, without any diminution of width.behind the ears. Those who know anything of phrenology may be able to cujl from this the reason of Coroner Leland’s successive return to office. Hatter Dillon has his own pecu- liar theories on this subject. And per- haps they are not all based on the rec- ord of his head-measuring machine. District Attorney Byington's head, as may be seen from the dotted lines around his portrait, is of quite a dif- ferent shape, so perhaps the little head measurer is not an infallible index to political success and perpetuity. The most prominent protrusion is here shown on the. right side of the head, though whether or not it is the special “bump” of legal learning does not seem to be borne out by comparison with the curvature of three other judiclal and legal lights. City Attorney Long and Police Judge Mogan have heads much alike in -shape to be sure, but they are nothing like District Attorney Bying- ton’s, while on the other hand the shape of Lawyer Edward L. Sweeney’s head is so totally different from the other three as to belong to another race en- tirely, though Hatter Dillon declares that nativity hasn’t anything whatever to do with the subject at all, at all. Lawyer Sweeney's head is almost cu- cumber shaped, and in a modified form o DT TR TR e e ) Wateh for Geraldine Bonner’s ‘Wonderfully Dramatic California Novel “To-Morrow’s Tangle’” Begins in Next Sunday Call. — TARING TTHRE "TMPRESSION FROM THE Henry H. Lynch is the only politician with a head anywhere approaching it in curvature. In the line of similarity of political success and also of contour of cranium a glance at these plctures will show you that Supervisor W. W. Sanderson and Public Administrator “Billy™” Hynes-have much in common, though to look at the faces of these two gentle- men is to find absolutely no resem- blance whatever. However, that is not where the hatter looks for his points of resemblance. Supervisors Oscar Hocks and 'Theo- dcre Lundstedt, judging from the rec- ords of the head-measuring machine, might exchange hats without finding unfamiliar pressure anywhere, but though the “conformation of these two heads is almost identical, with the greatest swell at the right side of the head just above the ear and the most pronounced dip just over the right temple, no two men could be more totally unlike in every other way. How- ever, if the hatter is right, that it is the shape of the head that wins suc- cess, each of these men might have prophesied victory for the other, based solely upon the shape of his own head. But in how far can this similarity of shape be relied upon when we find al- most as next-door neighbors in the city's administration two men occupy- ing high places whose heads are utterly unlike in every particular. . Look at County Clerk Greif's head, and then at Recorder Godchaux's. The latter is al- most, a perfect pear shape, while the former is a scarcely less perfect egg shape. Nor do the men look at all alike in any respect. More evenly formed than any of these is the head of Fire Commissioner Par- ry, who finds his driving force directly above the ears, with a plentiful width of forehead. If Hatter Dillon is right in his theories then Commissioner Par- ry has slept almost equaily on both sides of his head, though whether or not a politician could improve his chances by adhesion to one position or the other in the development of the shape of the head would furnish an ex- cellent fleld for the test of the theory. However, if you are inclined to find in these shapes subject for amusement Just let the little head measurer take a record of your own, which may furnish much that is spicy for your friends’ de- lectation, if not for your own. No one knows better than your hatter what your head looks like. But, seriously speaking, these little pin prick maps are mute evidence of why some men climb to success while other men sink to poverty and oblivion. Still thag is hardly germane to the subject, since there are no politicians among the lat- tem SANDERSOMN SUPERWVISORL PERFoOR AT ING PINS W | S (8iee~>) HYyY NES PuBLLC ADMINISTRATOR =D\ — SWEENE » Susrne, Swore osScavx HOC w—=s SurERvISoR “Onn s PAR R o FIRE SoOMMISSionEr PERC. —oNG ATy NTTORE - Compare These Craniums and See Why They All Succeed.