The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, November 8, 1903, Page 14

14 THE SUNDAY CALL. RECOLLECTIONS anp REFLECT- 3 - | Legislative Reminiscences This Is the Eighth of These Clever Articles. +* , 1908, by Thomas Fitch.) HAWES wnas a member of the State Senate of Callfornia from San Mateo County in 863. His suc- cess In obtalr ing sufficient votes to e his election was a mystery, for. h a man of distinguished learning, he was “that con- * as an unadmiring constituent re- K “that rather than unlatch and c a gate leading into a garden he wolk half a mile in the hot sun and over a high stone wall erowned with He had in California, clim! broken glass and barbeu wire most caustic tongue and the Senator who crossed his path earned the title orded to him who where angels fear to tread, s my colleague suppgse that 1 came for?"’ asked another Senator !n the course of speech. Up. rose old Horace and in nasal accents that were in and in part affected, he in- terposed: *Does my colleague want an answer to that questi Yes, Mr President,” was the reply, “I want an answer. understanding is,” enuf- fled Horace, “that my colleague had two cts in coming here. Two, Mr. Presi- —grand and petty larceny enator Hawes was the author elaborate and leng! registration Whi was under discussion a S: from one of the mountain coun “Mr. President, there is a mining camp on the river bar, where my county joins two other counties, and there is a voting p cinct there for each count Now, I ask the Senator from San Mateo, Is there g in his elaborate bill that would prevent one of my constituents from vot- ing In each of the three countiess? othing whatever,” replied Hawes. *I * rejoined the 1 such, being the ts clumsy and be: law “Because,” rejoined Hawes, “whiie there is nothing in the bill To prevent the misguided, unintelligent and law-defying the bill he will find auses of s criminal constituent does vote puniti that if of the three counties he will, if orced, be allotted from two vears in the penitentiary in gret his action.” authority on trusts and pro- and one of the sanest men in a, but his will, in which he en- property away from r, and devote it to sity, which he pro- . was set aside by a verdiet which found that the testator wag of several Jack Wa Legislatures was " of Los Angeies. One next 1o a preach- - 0 “cow™ counties who was speech, but unlearned in legis- ative ways. The bucolic Legislator had reported a fence law, and was entitled to the floor for a-speech. He unfolded huge roll of manuscript and adj spectac Wheret member of the Sar arose and said a isco @ 1 move to RESUL A VING R strike out the enacting clause of this proposed law “I second the motion,” said another. *“Does the gentleman in charge of the bill yleld for the purpose of this motion?” said the Speaker. The pending orator turned to “little Jack Watson” and inquired “What will be the effect on the biil of this motion, Mr. Watson, in case I yleld?’ “It will be the making of the bil aid Jack, with em- phasis. “Certainly 1 yleld,” said the orator. The motion was put and the House enthusiastically voted to strike cut the enacting clause, and when the gentleman attemnted to go on with his speech he was called to order, for there was nothing before the Hc He turned to little Jack Watson for an ex- planation, but that gentleman fied to the cloakroom. Afterward the bill was re was very lengthy, and ad, one member a eported n sther as it v and moved to exempt his county from the operation of the law. Each motion pre- vailed, until there was left in the bill only the county of the author of the bill and the unrepresented county of San Benito. Then some wag moved to ex- empt the county of the author. Against his indignant and wrathful protest the motion prevailed, and San Benjto County alone was biessed with a fence law which, if it had ever been enforced, would have made it difficult for an in- dustrious sheep to get a living. Among the legislators was a gentle- man from San Jose, who had been edu- cated his father, an old-fashioned Method minister, in the pulpit style \J\n:ik'"fi with an ejaculatory *“eh” Ween sentences. e Democrats of the Assembly, with the co-operation and under the leader- €hip of Es of Sacramento, who al- though a Republican was a negrophobist, \ were attempting to defeat the passage of an act allowing colored men to testify in courts of justice. The gentleman from San Jose was strenuously denouncing the opponents of the bill. *“Why, Mr. Speak- er,” sald he, “there Is a negro barber in the town of San Jose eh, who is morally, intellectually and physically superior to two-thirds of the members of this House, eh.” At once there was an interruption and a storm. The unfortunate orator was “haled’” up to the bar of the House, and it was voted that he be reprimanded by the Speaker and be required to apolo- gize to the House for the obnoxious lan- guage. He listened to the reprimand in grave silence and then offered his apolo- gy. ‘‘Mr. Speaker,” said he, “I intended no disrespect to this House, and I apolo- gize for the language used, but”—here a memory of his wrongs overcame him, and the Methodist style of elocution was resumed — ‘‘when I arise to speak, eh, CH COPYRIGHT 190 IONS OF THOMAS FIT gentlemen laugh at me, eh, and then in- terrupt me, eh, and they deride me, eh, and {n my anger, when I am in possession of a fact of this kind, I am apt to let it slip, eh.” A proposition was made to purchase several hundred coples of Wood's Digest for the use of members of the Legislature and State officers. ‘‘Before I vote on this measure,” sald a Senator from a far northern county, “I would like to know whether Wood's Digest comes in bottles or boxes.” . Stephen J. Field was then Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of California, and later Oscar L. Shafter, who was a great lawyer and a brilliant conversatignalist, and Silas W. Sanderson, a man of .alert perceptions and quick wit, were added to the appellate-bench. The court never lost its dignity, but it was mindful of Lord Coke's saying that “The bench was grate- ful to the barrister who occasionally re- lleved the tedium of judicial proceedings with a little honest hilarity.” On one occasion an advocate referred many times during his argument to “a constructive fence.”” “What Is a con- structive fence?’ whispered Shafter t Banderson. “I judge from the argumen replied the latter, “that it is a place where there ought to be a fence.” Frank Dunne was proceeding slowly with a ponderous speech, when the Chief Justice, after a moment’s consultation with his colleagues, interrupted him. “You need not discuss that point any further, Mr. Dunne, the court s with you.” “Then,” drawled Dunne, “I may well go home, for it is the only polint in the case.” The cause was submitted, and Dunne went home. A few months later the de- cision came out, and, to Dunne's dismay, the court, on more mature reflection, de- cided the appeal against his client. The next term Dunne had another case. He stated his points and began his argu- ment, when a member of the court inter- rupted him and sald: “These propositions are elementary, Mr. Dunne; you need not argue them, the couft is with you.” “No you don’t,” replied Dunne. “You told me that before, and when I went home you decided the case against me. Your Honors played me once; you can't play me again. I'm going to argue the case.” And he did, and won It It was the same Frank Dunne who, when the Judge before whom he was arguing the case asked the time of day. replied: “I don’t know, I haven't any watch; and if your Honor continues to de- cide cases against me as you have been doing this term so Zar, it isn't likely that I'll ever have any watch.” One of the reconstruction members of Congress from Loulslana was a young lawyer from Central Ohio, who entered the service as a lleutenant and fought his way to the brigadier's stars, when he ~as mustered out. He determined to lo- cate at Memphis, and on the day that his sign first appeared on an office door a stout gentleman rushed in and exclaimed: “General, 1 am recommended to you. 1 am in a fix. I have down at the levee a steamboat-load of cotton which has been tied up by the military authorities. I have it contracted for at New Orleans, to be loaded on a ship for Liverpool. If I fail to get it there on time it will ruin me. Minutes are dollars with me. They tell me that you are a good lawyer, and that the commanding general knows you and will listen to you; I cannot get ac- cess to him. The cotton is all stralght. Can't 'you come at once with me in a hack to headquarters, and I will explain the trouble as we go?" The gencral accepted the employment. He found that the matter was really very simple. The steamer-load of cotton had become tangled in red tape through the innocent infraction of sume bureau regu- 3’1‘5’31(41;5 "FITCH. lations, and it might take a week or more to untangle things unless the command- ing general, who alone had the power, would issue a special order allowing the boat to go. ‘The advocate had been on the staff of the commanding general and was a fa- vorite with him. There had been only a technical violation of the regulations, and in ten minutes the cotton speculator had the order of release In his pocket a both were In the hack on the way to t levee. X In the hack the client said, “Now eral, what is your bill?* “I paused, the general, “to consider what I ou to charge. Back in Ohio I would prob- ably have taxed him $0: but I ha. successful, and as he sald minutes were dollars with him I thought mavbe he would stand $500. But from habit I was deliberate, and before I could had out a wallet stuffed with he counted out on my lap In s five bills, of the denomination each. Then he paused and said, that do?” What do you think I answered him?" sald the general. *“I rose to the occasion and remarked, ‘T guess you had better put on another,’ and he did.” bills $1000 Few men became multi-milllonaires without experiencing a change of heart Not such a change as is wrought at re vival meetings, but rather a process of ossification. An Arizona cllent who had sold his mine sald to mp despalringly: “I must either give up this money, leave the coun- try or change my circle of acquair It 1s not really purse-pride the new made rich man to old acquaintances. It is the financial self-preservation, for when you &now that a warm greeting to an old friend will inevitably result either in your loaning him, or, rather, giving him the sum he asks for, or else In the il feeling that will be engendered in his breast by your refusal, you will be tempted to not see him when you pass him In the street. The millions accumulated by Philip D Armour of Chicago and his younger brother, Herman O. Armour of New York, never lost a friend to either of them. Philip endowed the Armour Institute and it 1s his noblest monument. The monu- ment of Herman will be found in the hun- dreds of hearts that beat in gratitude for his unheralded benefactions. He was the soul of honor, the life of enterprise, the cheerfest, kindliest, dearest old boy that ever delighted to devote his leisure mo- ments and his surplus funds to helping lame dogs *“‘over stiles.” The Armour brothers as merchants were original, active and enterprising, and as speculators they were daring, sagacious and Indomitable. “Talk about your great pork corner,” sald Herman Armour; “we dldn’t corner pork. It was the other fel- lows who cornered themselves. We were legitimate pork manufacturers We bought the hog In the open market, cut him up and sold him to our customers. We utilized every part of him. His meat was salted and smoked: his hoofs ap- peared as glue, his bristles as brushes, his stomach as pepsin, his blood as mate- rial for buttons, and of the rest of him we made ammonia and fertilizers. “Some Chicago * capital who had money to burn ran the price of pork down, buy it cheaper than we we bought it. and contin until the speculators woke that they had sold us for f e delivery not only a good deal more pork than they hdad but than they could even make if they could purchase and slaughter every hog_between Canada and Mexico. Well we were the only dealers who had ac! pork to sell. We continued to sell | right along to our customers at $12 per barrel, but the price to the speculators who had tried to bankrupt us wa 0 per barrel. They had sold it to us at §7 per barrel, and we sold it back to them at $20 per barrel; but there was no cor- ner about it so far as we were concerned.” | THE CORPORAL'’S JAG | By Cyrus Dickerson. my, and as a soldier he had loved t half a dozen times over. After being promoted to corpcral be was com- manded to ay at the orderiy room, irst Sergeant McGraw oy d fire m wiith: O'Toole, ye are now an officer in the rmy of the United States of Amer@, d it will be necessary for ye to quit 1 & In and out of iove 8o often. Under- i, ye have a character to mainiain, i ye'll either mai er stripes ain it or off comés Does it £0 happen that ye @re out of love at the present moment?" It does, sergeant,” replied the Don en stay and attend to yer duties.” I will, gir.” Three or four days later Susie Finnegan She was pretty and 20 vears old when she returned from her visit and, 4s a matter of fact, had be- come e ed while away. This was known to her parents, but went no fur- ther for a time. Corporal O'Toole might or might not, have stuck to his resolution 1l in love no more but for Susie Fin- n. She set out with malice afore- thiought to make an impression, and the corporal was just seven minutes and a haif in tumbling over the edge of the yawning abyss. Of all the loves he had r loved this was the real genuine arti- cle. The others had simply been milk- and-water affairs. The sergeant’s cau- tion and the honor of the United States army were thrown to the winds, and in <ide of three days Corporal O'Toole was pering in the girl's ear: “It's the O'Toole way and always has been to fall in love at once or not at all, and to speak ‘words straight from the shoulder. Susle’ Finnegan, I'm dying to call ye my own.” “But you are only a corporal, know,” she protested, “That's true, Joy of me heart, but ath't the Kiowa Indlans on the warpath agin even coming in sight of the fort this blessed day? While I'm only a corporal wl you B - - =5 = ROOP A of the Seventh to-dayv, who = I won't b a sergeant B cavairy used 1o to-morrow? Say ves to me and 1 : I'll g0 out to-merrow and br five g of its Corporal Toc c et ?‘ f its Corporal O'Toole. Kiowy heads and win a captaincy AF He was up in dnll, “You'd bétter go and sew cn buttons. 8 marksmanship, ath. '™ loving and shall marry a man whose Ry : Jttle finger is worth s as ‘ § letics and all questions you, I was simply letting a WA of aiscipline, and any fool of. yourself.” ot G 2 “Then, be the powers. byt Il get such - Wy : a jag on as old Fort Riley ey teterred to bim fore, and if raur ¥ e poetry and call o pblame for ft.° ures of sce, and though only There .was another original rooral he was looked up to in Corporal O'Toole, he got drunk the same 8s if he had becen colonel of the 88 he fell in love-all at oncs. It had Corporal O'Toole had loveq, P¢en three years since he had had a jag loved before he left Ireland, e “,"}:.,‘h” ain almost as soon as he landed in Bos thruk N, “:‘: more after striking a Job In g would ease Lis aching ’ >, He was in love when he entercd heart and bring complacency out of hue He and stood up ta lnon outside the reserva. ed glass after glass of man- kill:r, and the time came when he was ready ‘for ¥he second act of the drama. He retrrned to quarters just as a scout wae belrg sent out to glean news of the Kiowas. Tre man's horse was hitched in front colonel’s quarters, where the vns recelving instructions, and nle ran to the barracks for ne and returned and vaulted into the saddle with a whoon. Efforts were to ston him, but he whooped again, d~awn the sentinel at the gate and off In the darkness. H's jag would have been a XXX on foot, but mounted on a good horse with two revolvers in the holkters and a carbine in his hand it was A1 and copper-fastened. A strange thing was to happen. Fifty Kivwa bucks under Red Bird had ad- vanced to within a mile of the fort and gone int~ ambush on the Dog Creek road. Their advance and their presence had not been discovered, and the next morning would see a traln of twenty wagons start down that road without an escort. Corporal O'Toole put himself entirely in the hands of his jag. It caused him to take the road. It bade him whoop, yell and cheer as he rode at a gallop. It landed him in due time in the midst of that ambush, and he was not so drunk but that he could tell an Indlan from a pine tree. He hadn't set out to look for redskins, but when he found a liberal number on hand he went In for the frolic of his life. He rode up and down and back and forth, shooting. shouting and swearing and bringing mourning to dis- tant lodges, and It is a matter of record that he got the band on the run and chased the panic-stricken warriors for two miles. Then he gave up to return and count his dead, and there were seven— seven by his own count-by the squad sent out to see what the racket was about —séven by the colonel’s report to head- quarters. then wiil ye marry me, darling?” i of Sus'e Finnczan next morn- ke walked Into the sergeant's m with the light of victory in his eyes. “Indeed, I will not,” she pertly replied. “It wasn't you, Corporai O'Toole, that played the hero, but the iag you had with you, and I'm thinking tlere'll be a court- martial next week and future mail will be addressed to Private O'Toole again.” L A CADDIE INTERVENES By Harle Owne Cummins. * | | I | > — Ever Eat a UST think of a tree that you can eat, leaves and all, quite like the most delicate and appetizing vege- table on the most epicurean bill of fare. It is something entirely fhew here, but s destined for great popularity with the thrifty housewife and the skill- ful gardener as soon as its remarkable properties become better known. Then you will ind one growing in every garden and vying in interest with the aristo- crats of the flower kingdom. In the accompanying picture will be seen the most wonderful growth of Ger- man kale tree that has ever come to our notice, and s growing on the propeorty of A. M. Brunswick in Los Angeles, Cal The kale plant ordinarily grows to the helght of two or three feet, but in this instance, under the cultivation of its own- er it has attained a height of twelve feet and is still growing.. The leaves of this kale tree, which are cooked the same as cabbage or other vegetable greens, were stripped from the stock as it grew up, and eltogether enough kale has been se- cured from this tree to supply a family for a whole season. Mr. Brunswick will send his kale tree to the St. Louls fair through the sec- retary of the Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce, Mr. Wiggins, and doubt receive an award. ) me Kale_ ;I‘ree? (Copyright, 1%3, by T. C. McClure.) ONSIDERIN G that Greyson and Brad- bury were both ar- dent enthusiasts at the game, it was not surprising that they should have decided to let golf be the ar- The two young men were desperately in love with Marcia Van Zandt. So, for that matter, were half a dozen others of the male contin- gent at Westerfeldt. But all recognized that Greyson and Bradbury were the two favorites, and the withdrawal of one of them from the fleld would naturally place the other in a falr position to win out. It was Bradbury who offered the chal- lenge of a nine hole match, the loser of which should immediately pack bag and baggage and decamp. Greyson had con- siaerea the proposition for a brief min- ute, then accepted, and a date was set for the trial of skill, Greyson won the toss and drove off first, making the stralghtaway in flve, as he generally did. Bradbury usually played the first green in five also, but by a for- tunate approach shot he holed it in four, thus gaining a lead of one. The next two holes, the ravine and rest- a-while, were halved in flve each, but on the fourth putting green Greyson made a phenomenal gobble and tled the score at nineteen. /s ‘Without doubt it was not intended by the- two players that their caddles should know the stake which was being played for, but from several remarks which Scot- ty overheard as he trudged along with the clubs he must have jumped at a pret- ty accurate conclusion. And as the four , rested in the shade at the fifth tee he con. fided something to the new caddie from town which made that youth observe the remainder of the game with vastly more interest than he had hitherto displayed. Now, the fifth hole of the Westerfeldt course, called the frying pan, is the worst one of the nine, the drive-off being di- rectly over a deep gravel pit. It was on this fair green that Bradbury stole a lead of three, for by a good drive and a long brassie shot he cleared the hazard and ‘was in the hole in five, The frying pan had always been a ‘Waterloo for Greyson, and on this day it proved even worse than usual, for he topped his ball twice, and then broke his mid iron just above the whipping while trying to recover. The next two holes were halved in four each, so that the score, as the two players walked up to :n eighth tee, was 35 to 33 In Bradbury's vor. biter of their fates. ‘Whether it was the result of an over? indulgence In “rickies” on the previous evening, overcoenfidence iIn victory, or whether it was due simply to nervousness on account of the size of the stakes for which they were playing, will never be known, but for some cause Bradbury went to the bad on the eighth hole, and 1t cost him six before he holed it, whereas he usually played it in four, as his com~ panion succeeded In doing. Greyson's lead of three on this hole just made up for the same number he had lost on the fifth, so that the score at the last green was again tled at thirty-nine. There was an air of suppressed excite- ment about both players and caddlies as Greyson built his tes and prepared to drive for the last time. The ninth hole is about 200 yards, and is located on the further side of a little hill, so that only the upper half of the red flag is visible from where the driver stands. Scotty, the caddie, had gone on ahead, and when Greyson's ball just cleared the brow of the hill, he followed quickly after it and disappeared over the other side. He found that the ball had landed in the middle of a bunch of fog, so that it lay In an almost unplayable position, It was the work of but a moment to kick the ball sharply from its resting place toward the hole, then he ran back to the top of the hill and shouted: “You're dead, two feet from the holes, Mr. Greyson. It's a cineh for two.” Then the rickies, or the nerves, or something or other, got to work on Brad- bury again, for he sliced his drive and the ball fell within 100 yards of the green. He made a gallant attempt to recover, however, and with his next stroke stymied his ball with that of his compan- fon, But the game was over, for Greyson putted in with his next stroke, winning the match by one; then he walked up to Bradbury and held out his hand, “Hard luck, old man,” he sald cheerily, “better luck next time. As the two caddies walked back to the greenkeeper’s they talked over the game just finished, and after exacting a prom- ise of absolute secrecy Scotty revealed to his companion his doing at the last hole. “It wasn't ‘cause Mr. Greysan always tips me that I monkeyed with the score,” he sald in justification of his actlon, “though he is the best man of the two, and I hope he wins out with Miss Van Zandt. I wouldn’t have cooked that Brad- bury cuss, either, even if he did biff me once or twice when I laughed at his scuf- fing, but I saw him foozle twice to-day without counting it, and at the eighth hole he lifted his ball out of a cuppy le ‘when he thought no one was looking. “And, anyway,” he added, conclusively, ‘‘as Agassiz or some of them big poet fellers say, ‘all's falr in love and war,’ and I'm blamed glad I done it.”