The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, October 11, 1903, Page 7

THE SUNDAY CALL. oner’s office should be notified - - . 3 hold your tongue. R gain counter remnr * - be too clever men think her a prig; k her a fool. . . digs th i suicide’s grave. Despair murders hope and . Contentment is an antidote against pessimism. e Some people are so unlovely that no one would want to give them even ty of getting rid of the corpse decent burial were it not for the nec . . . If you don't want to do anyt! well iy, o People who are so very sensitive regarding the tistica! than agreeable The man who is seemingly a failure is often an epitome of courage . . Alwsys love blindly. If you see too much you may not love so much - - . A task that is cheerfully done is half done. s g A home without love is like 2 va . When a woman ceases to love her trouble and finds it When we part with hope and courage Despair tolls the requiem. . - Even a crown of laurel may prove 2 crown of thorns sl It's all right to hustle, but never hurry ries i * To kiss and make up in time may save lots of alimony. . When a vich man is wicked he is only delightfully naughty s awfu bad. centric, while the poor man . . . When one is in trouble help him first and afterward R n lovers Cultivate friends rather oh, well, some worm 1ave experience. - We may help scores to bear tt rdens, but we are apt to be mighty onesome when bearing our own ever kiss a rried woman: t husband may sue for damages. = - » will take all the ginger out of a fellow, while defeat will keep k e ad e » s ways be well s with soothing syrup. Husbands > s - > st a t a laborer is never spoiled by edu- oi. » . ble—if ere are lots of ways of talking, but only one way to A woman can cheapen herself until she is like 2 bar- if she is g don't do it; but if you do do it, do it ights are more ego- where soulless bodies lie. 1sband she is generally hur The fellow who sympathize Friends are rational, but lovers— f you go hunting for it, it will not at all huyrries wor- and ec- and lecture 1'1'1 ABLE ror TfliEiFOOLISH ‘ ng was not injured thereby For a time the grass business fi can be bay and green at the same t e—but as the h for their baled ed straw at that. In ude. Mr. Careneedy’s mowers while they raked the lee of ll-top desk in the shadow quacious typewriter and did other so f down to the P borers his was ended themselves bus f jealo men who bought his hay or of began to fall off and there w f a strike in the hayfield that he wakened to the t rs were fast getting into a parlous condition, Now, no se f-mespecting likes to get into a parlous conditic n In the Sret place e doesn’t know what the word means ces it even less, for parlous is merely the hay business fi nds. In the e trouble was be nt. That's the way h were known. intention of ly one pulling up the poor li It's the man with one eve on in doubling—and as we intimated above, a an extra fine, all-wool he wa ncerned his fellow-man might emi- other out of the way corner of the uni- ket for the par r style of grass that he was ed like a green bay tree—if the tree ! r : rs rolled on and the kels rolled up the feeling began to spread among the ungrateful began ! telephone and the lo- re of raking of an- barns were loaded long green grass his la- themselves with what they could comb out of These ignorant haymakers maxim of the business world that heaven helps f they are careful not to get caught at it. e worthy capitalist was too much engrossed des of grass three and even four times iness practice—by a judi- y gained admission wrew his pondering machine i nd water proof ideas for the preven- ime he stumbled over the con- he was believed to be of the Thne beiore grew le blade that sat in had in a scheme for itter un s of the ipts 0 gear CAME down here to Jackson, Ky. from Mulberry Center this past week to see for myself about the terrible condishen of the people in this unlucky part of the country. I kind of ex- pected to get shot at when I struck Breathitt County, but nothin’ worse than 2 boy askin' in a sassy kind of a way if I kept my mouth open when I around, because I seen out of it happened till pper up to the tavern yot into an argument with 2 man who struck g as a suspishus character. I could see by the P left eye that he would as soon shoot a man t ack as peel an orange, and there was something way he drew in his under lip that made me feel ht off he was one of the degencrates we hear about. I t want to have anythin’ to say to the feller, thinkin® it was just as well not to get into a fuss, but he started it o answer him, because I thought he might feel | and want to pick a feud if I pretended not to eems to me,” he says, lookin’ at me with one of the rousest gleams I ever seen in a human eye, “that the the North might be doin’ a good deal better than people ir makin’ a fuss about every little thing that happens down here.” “Yes,” T says, thinkin' I better agree with him, “they might. But one great trouble with most people is they want to scold other people. It helps them to forget their own troubles.” “Did you ever help to lynch a negro?” he says. I thought if I said no he might think I was not in sympathy with the way they do things down here, so I told him I'd helped at four lynchin’s, and he leaned over and said in a kind of whisper: “I knew by your look the minute I seen you that you'd do it, but I beat you one. I've helped at five of them kind of parties.” 1 didn't like the way he tried to get up close to me, but it seemed a little risky to move away from him, because you never can tell when these touchy people are goin® to get in- sulted, so I set there and let my flesh creep every time he touched me. “Ever kill any white men?” he asked, pretty soon. I didn’t dare to tell him I hadn’t, and yit I was afraid if I told him I had he might want to know who it was, and me not knowin’ him I might give him the name of some- body that was on his side in a feud. I've seen things that seemed more pleasant than bein’ there alone in the dinin’ room ®%ith that chap, and I made up my mind that the place was as bad as it had been re- ported and there wasn't any use of my stayin’ to do any more investigatin’. I thought I'd leave as early as it was 1 ght‘ enough to see the next mornin’, if I happened to be livin" then: but while I was thinkin’ about it the landlord came in and looked at us and then went out again. When we were alone once more the bloodthirsty lookin’ chap asked me again if I had any feuds goin’ on, and I told him I wasn’t mixed up in any then, but that I"d had several and believed they were good things. “You bet they are,” he says; “there's nothin’ like a good lively feud to clear the moral atmosphere. What was the name of the man you shot last?” “I thought I was in for it then sure, but I knew it would be faitle to let him think I was beatin’ around the When & woman sues for damages the man fights. No man wants dam aged goods C. O, D. I¥s the little things of life that make the mighty wheels xo round. A moral coward is often afraid to do that which he knows to be right. - R - agent. on it comic weekly. carrier? grin. monial chances. devilish. It may be very heroic to suffer and be ‘strong. suffers he is apt to feel nthe‘r we.zk. Where there’s a will there’s a way. The right way, the wrong way or the other way? Oh, pshaw! any old way. wioe 9 . - * But when one really People who are so good as to be good for nothing are very trying to those who have to do the hustling for them. . - - If people were happy in proportion to the sagging of their purses the millionaire would be too full to be comfortable, while the poor man not even purchase a “smile.” could It's real sad when an every-day club woman has to be her own press Even a m;m will turn if you tread on it, but it's mean to tread It may be harrowing to one’s feelings to hear people quarrel in publie, but it's downright nauseating to see them spooning. s s * You can always save m.oncy it you don’t spend it. . Women are born fighters. If you don’t believe it watch the reports of the Daughters and Mothers. Money may not be the well-spring of happiness, but you cam’t even take a “smile” if you haven't the price 8 ... People who are paid to laugh seldom smile when off duty. The sad- dest looking specimen of human misery I ever saw was the editor of » A desire to do as we ought to do may be a spur to do as we would like to do, and by doing as we ought to do we may be able to do as we would like to do. - - . When a rich woman marries a penniless man does she become @ male- - . . A pretty man is one of Nature’s sarcasms. * A man sees life through his stomach rather than his eves If his stomach is well behaved the world wears a smile. If not, a A little woman who faints can put to rout & whole load of brave (7) men. . The sentimental woman who fairly drowns herselfl over the sorrows of the matinee idol and the ten-cent heroine is often the toughest kind of prop- osition when it comes to the lufirrings.nl real life. . » That's all right, but which way? A woman dresses to please herself, but it flatters a man’s vanity to think that she dresses to please him. He would pretty soon be sure of this if he asked her to wear anything she thought unbecoming. o e * Women are born gamblers; that is why they take such reckless matri- ‘When a woman is good, she’s awfully good; but when she’s bad she is e { WHYIS A BENEFACTOR? ! + genus commonly known as tight-wad. People didn’t object to his making money by the pailful, but they were extremely sore over the fact that he im- mediately transferred it to a barrel and after driving in the bung with a sledge hammer proceeded to sit on the barrel, The only thing for our friend Careneedy to do in such a case was to un- limber his watering-can and sorinkle some of the blessings of Providence and the hay business around among his fellow men. It wasn’t so much that he loved his fellow man as that be didn’t want him butting into his boudoir the other. himself: “Go to. wo a touch his hand—or his pocket—never again. 0 by a grateful and loving people in preference to any one else’s because he is such a philanthropic soul, and his jolly(ed) haymakers have stood for two them who faint in my hayfields. ; mighty hot and they have eaten their bread in the sweat of their brows— because they couldn’t afford salt. ! k y 4 spendthrift to his long-suffering tailor on his way back from his poor but rich grandfather’s funeral.” Then he called his hirelings together and gently broke the news to them that he had prepared a special lot of benefactor stock to be issued free of charge to his faithful employes. id be paid on the stock until the holders of bonds and preferred and com- mon stock, the insatiable but necessary reserve fund, the fund for repair and maintenance, and the fund for the promotion of irrigation and general better- ment interests had been attended to. ) hirelings jumped at the conclusion that a share in the hand was worth a raise in the walking delegate’s mind. Then was all smooth sailing for the worthy Careneedy. His university has prospered and became a power—one horse—in the land; his devotion to the cause of science and advancement of civilization nets him half a bushel egrees every commencement; and he has a fair chance to go to the grave 1id the tears of a sorrow-stricken populace, weeping because cuts in their wages since they learned his philanthropic The lesson that his career contains for all where is that it pays to cast bread upon the waters if we are careful to tie a strong string to it before making the cast. some dark night with an injunction in one hand and a chunk of dynamite in Also he knew that it was more blessed to give than to receive— what he was likely to receive if he didn’t loosen up. In accordance with this pious determination he forthwith announced that he had decided to found a college for the study of decomposed the investigation of the private habits of dragon-flies. By this time the worthy Careneedy’s zeal was thoroughly fired with all the furnaces going and the forced draught on. Not satisfied with the works for the uplifting of his fellow man that he had set on foot he to languages and T will hold out the helping hand to my poor brothers They have made hay for me while the sun shone Now will I repay them even as a young dividend He omitted to mention that no Being only ignorant workingmen the they canm His hay is known and bought intentions toward struggling capitalists every- Copyright, 1903, by Albert Britt. — Do You See That Cat? Funny, Isn’t It? | Well, It’s Not Half as Funny as the One You Will See on This Page Next Sunday ~ THE ORACLE TELLS OF THE CITY'S BARBARIANS. bush, so I told him the first name that popped into my head, which was my -own. “Dobbs,” says L. “Dobbs?” he says. “I'm glad to hear you say that. I never seen a Dobbs yet that wasn’t a sneak and a_coward. It would be a good thing if the whole blamed tribe was wiped out, and I'd like to help do the wipin'” So you can't always tell how terrible a fellow is by the way he talks. 3 2 The next day I got into conversation with a real Breathitt County citizen. He seemed to be a vpcaceable sort of a chap, too, as fur as you could tell by his appear- ance. But he was a great argufier. He told me he never got mixed up in enny of the feuds and he didn’t have enny excuses to make for men that snuck up behind others and shot them. “But,” he says, “it's terrible the way people act up there in some of your cities in the North, and I can’t believe some- times that all we hear about it is true. Do they actually run them automobiles so fast through the streets that they make horses run away and kill people?” “I've heard of a few cases of that kind,” I says. “And do they run the machines over children right in the streets?”" he asked me. “Well,” T told him, “I’ve heard about them doin’ it.” It seemed to nearly take his breath away. “It's terrible,” he says, “that the Government sets back and lets such fearful outrages go on. Then there’s some other things I've heard about that nearly makes my blood freeze. They say that in some places the railroads go on keepin' grade crossin's because they don’t want to spend the money it would cost to raise or lower their tracks, and that sometimes they run over people and kill them. But I know that can't be true.” “I guess it is,” I answered. “I've known of cases where they killed fifteen or twenty people at a time at one of them kind of crossin’s.” “Go on,” he says. “Now you're just boastin’.” “It ain’t anything to boast about,” says I. “Every few days a baby or some old person is run over at one of those crossin’s.” I could actshully see him shiverin’, it seemed to shock him so. “Great heavens!” he says, “what kind of people are you to let such outrages keep goin’ on right along? Why don’t you order out the militia to stop it? I'd be afraid if I lived up there where such things happen to ever let my children out of the house alone for fear I'd never see them alive again. But there's one thing I've read about that simply can't be true, and that’s about the way they doctor the milk sometimes with poison and then sell it to people to give to their babies. Stranger, it’s terrible what you say about the automobiles and railroads runnin’ over and killin’ people, but I believe you are honest, so I wouldn’t doubt your word, although it don’t hardly seem pogsible that such things could be in a civilized land where the twen- tieth century’s goin’ full blast. But when it comes to the poisoned milk for the babies, that's too much. I won’t be- lieve that about anybody.” 1 felt kind of ashamed to own up, but I told him it was true, and he set there and looked at me with the pittifulest look I ever seen on a human bein’. I could see that he thought I was crazy on the subject and was just tryin’ to make things out worse than they were because [ was proud of it Yours for the protection of glass houses, JEFFERSON DOBBS. Copyright, 1903, by Simpson Hodges Co, Chicago