The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, October 28, 1900, Page 7

Quecr Lawyer in Jersey.! P iinted on the door of a room over a «ksmith's shep on & road leading iato tiand, N, J., is this sign: ZED B. AMBERG, ESQ., Bumble-Bee Lawyer. NO COURTS NEEDED. Always get what 1 go for. CITELEAREE ] Mr. Amberg’s office is one story above ground. In lieu of steps there is an ncline of planks 80 steep that one unat- customed to it must retire about twenty yards, brace himself and run for it. Mr. Amberg is a big man with & mase of bushy white hair and a luxuriant growth of whiskers which reach up to his ears. Mr. Amberg stroked his beard as he ex- plained the use of bis bees as a persuader with delinquent debtors. have been deing business as a col- lector in this region for many years and } but littie trouble until the mines hereabouts were filled up with foreigners. “Collections then began to get harder, and T wanted some new method. Most ¢f my collections are among the miners who get ore for the smelters of West Portal, Bloomsburg and Glen Gardner. These people will buy almest anything | that's offered if they can only get credit, | but having secured it they are Joth 10) @y for it. You can see that ordinary le- eil procedure would have no effect with nhem About five years ago I observed lbat" hese people had an odd superstition ebout bumble-bees, especially the white | beaded female bees, which cannot sting. | hey believe that these bees are the ad- | ¢ agents of bad luck, and when they €nier a dwelling it is a signal for the in- mates to depart. One day I gathered a few dozen bees, and, putting them in a S Bsh e e - e . © - ol % e the Man—Judge, I've lost my hat! B e e e e S the mines on mv collecting ten or more places, but could ent. Se at the mext house I ttle and allowed some of pe. The effect was magi- woman became excited and calling out to the men. a jabbering in queer their arms swung like the a windmill I was pointing to a for a $4 clock. The men went down kets and the old weoman g id stocking, and when 1 inzling the cein in dimes and s in lefthang pocket of my d man chuckled softly: “And 1 e way of it—no trouble to collect ! with the bec —_——————— IN THE FAR NORTH. D" ! e bright srui the beautiful Es- | k ri s to join the merry throng i allr 1. l dauzhter is a gay butterfiy!” I ex ed, desiring to be very compli- “For ;1.3 part, I don’t think much of this | gocial life!” replied the mother, with sud- | den vehemence. “The jdea of damcing | v night t'll away along in March, and Iving i | Y n bed next day until August 1, ! or h a matter!” { was on my tongue to say that titese 3 ¢ people had too much latitude, but 1 checked myself.—Detroit Journal. A HINT, edical skill,” " sneered My Patient, “cannot save a man from dying!”’ < I replied. *“Sometimes in very erzte cases it can’'t even save & man from dying rich!™ n this i1 was my purpose to aliude cut- - ting!y to the extreme difficuity I had had In collecting my bill against him.—Detroit Jourr COULD BE HAPPY WITH EITHER. Young lLady—If you make another at- tempt to kiss me I ghall call my mother! Admirer—Miss Klila, T am not afrald: your mother is still & handsome and well prescrved widow!—Meggendorfer Blaetter. al. PUTTING HIM RIGHT. Bjohmson—I understand that you went burting down in Maine last year and came back without anything? Bjackson—It's a miserable lle. I came beck with the guide.—Sbmerville Journal. s nothing, young man. Whole suits are lost here every day. Little Elmer (a thoughtful lad)—Papa, what is the difference between a patriot and a politician? Professor Broeadhead—Why, the former does it for fun, and the latter for the | about the wust scheme yet. money there is in it.—Puck. @ Tl .se / THE SUNDAY CALL. Long—""Dame Fortune knocks once at every man’s door.” Short—It was her daughter, Mis-Fortune who called on me. A GENIUS, - ¥ 5 “They say my cousin is a wonderful doctor.” two dollars.” THE DIFFERENCE. ANOTHER OCTOPUS. Second Populist—What is it? The wife—Oh! Fuller, this will break my heart! Mr. Fuller Nagoat—Don’ be ’larmed, 'm dear. Goin’ play lil game of golf with Misher Jones. Jus’ dropped in to get my golf sticks. -] ““You bet he is! I swallowed a nickel First Populist—By gum! I think this is the other day and he made me cough up First Populist—It says here there’s a rew company bein’ formed to tmrn the hall atmosphere into liquid air an’ then charge us fer turnin’ it back ag'in so we kin breathe.—Puck. ONE MORE UNFORTUNATE. *Dayid.* "~ ““*Yes, Martha.” “‘Something- dreadful has happened.” There was a tremor in her voice, and the old man st htened up. He noticed that she held a letter. * t's wrong?”’ he asked. the children sick?” ~*No. ' Last week T saw a piece in our farm paper that said if I sent a doHar I could find out how to get rid of rats and roaches. I sent the dollar.” “Yea?” : ‘“Here's what they wrote back: ‘Move ‘“y.. L4 L L . » Then the poor old soul wept as if her “Is any of _he‘a.rt would break.—Chicago Times-Her- NO USE. Catterson—Look here, ojd man! Let me tell you how I manage my wife. I always give her money when she doesn’t want it, and when she does I refer to the time when 1 offe it to her. Hatterson—That's a fine scheme, but it wouldn’'t work in my case. “Why not?* = - - . ‘““Well, I've never yet seen the time when my wife' didn't want money.”— Harper’'s Ba.zar BEFORE AND AFTER. “During the first year of her married life a woman's proudest boast is that she gets up 4t 6 o’'clock and prepares her husband’s breakfast.” : **And after that what s 1t?"’ : 5 ““That her husband carries her breakfast to her while she remains upstairs in bed.” —Chicago Times-Herald, . g HE DIDN'T. Defeated Candidate—You encouraged me to run for the office. You know you did. You sald you thought T wouldn't make a Trusty Henchman—Well, the returns seem to show that 1 was right.—Faston Christian Register. -