The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, July 29, 1900, Page 2

. <] T THE SUNDAY CALL. O "R TR TR T AT AT R <O R RO kO FEAY St Cu St aug ] ’/:—//,-—— 7‘#&&""' e i HE INDORSES HERRICK. “T guess dat ole poet wot said ‘Love is er pain’ wus right. Dat gives me a pain in de neck, all right.” O AT AT A TA TR SR T A TA T A SR A TS ATSHOOR TS TAT @ Reversing the Process. “Harold Billmeore, are you asking me to be vour wife?” “I think what T have been saying to you is fairly open to that interpretation, | Didn’t I do it right?”’ im- Maud Wintergreen. She tapped her foot on the floor patiently. “Na& sir2 “Where did I miss it?” he asked humbly. “Everywhere. You seemed to be hedg- ing. You tried to sheoet so as to hit if 1 were a deer and to miss if I should prove to be—-"’ “Oh, but you are a dear, you know.” “Dan’'t interrupt me, sir. . When you propose to a woeman propose to her. I've a great mind to show you how it ought to be domne.” I wish you'd take the whole business off my hands, Maud. I'm no good at it. and 1I'll promrise to say the right word when you've—" “Don’t be a coward as well as a bungler, young man. Listen, now. I am the love- stricken youth—"’ “All right. You're Harold Billmore.” “Not at all. This is a purely impersonal affair. You are the cey maiden.” “Yes, I'm Maud Wintergreen. Go on,” “Don’'t be any sillier than you are naturally. Desiring to enthrone myself in the heart cf a young woman I first—"' “That seunds too much like giving a newly initiated eandidate in a secret so- » the proper directions for entering a gercom. But go on.” “If yvou interrupt me again with any re- marks like that, Mr. Billmore, this les- son will eome to an end. Begin by—no, sir, sit a little further away. You ave acting entirely out of character.” “So I was. I humbly beg pardon. forgot. Go on.” “If you want to marry a’‘girl go and tcii her so in a manly way. Don’t you sup- pose, if she has any gumption, she has found out your little secret long before you have made up your mind to speak?” “Then you have known all the time, Maud, that I-—" “Once again, sir, keep your distance and let me do the talking.” “Then tell me just what I ought to have said, Maud—that’s a dear girl.” “Well, remember, now, I am supposed to be a voung man making a declaration of love to a young woman. I say to her, ‘Lucy,” or ‘Mehitabel,’ as the case may be—"' *“No, no! 1 You say to her, ‘Maud.’ sist on that.” : “Let it be ‘Maud,” then, if it will keep you But this is only a suppositi- Iin- iet quiet. BT AT E T H TATATT A TTA TR T AT AT A AR I | ! | _i ! | tious case, just the same. I don't say to her, ‘Maud, do you believe in love at first sight?' or ‘Maud, do you think you would T g iy 1" ’HJHH- P TENETTY "‘LTPLQ wdiik Ui i 3 s .%c;‘; to\-\v\ —_— | Mr. Monk—Come right in, old man; the missus is out, giving a lecture on wo- man’'s suffrage, so you see I've got my hands full marry the right fellow if he ever came @ TRATA T AT AT A TSASAHTRATRH TSR T & T AKTH R A ATQ along? Ner do T put my arm on the back of her chair as if by accident—" “I didn't know I was doing Xfaud"—— “Take your arm away frem the back of this chair, sir. Neither do I hem and| haw''— ! *‘Gh, but T didn't do that! I may have | gasped a little; but what could you ex- pect from a fel”— “l think 1 should stand up squarely be- fore her, like a man, as I am doing now— sit down, sir! You are the listener in this conversation—and I should look her straight in the eye, like a man, and say to her: 'Lucy’ "— “No, no! ‘Maud! ” ' “ ‘Maud,’ then, for the sake of the illus- tration. ‘Maud, I love you! —sit down!” *But how would that sound? love you! Sit down! ” “I sheuld say: ‘Maud, I love you! you be my wife? " “Maud, I love you! Will you be my | wifé?’ [ “Yes, that is what I should say, sir, if I | wanted to ask a girl to marry me.” | The young man bounded to his [eet. | “Very good,” he said. *That is what | | l that, | | | } | | | | ‘Maud, I will | you wouid say if you were Haroid Bill- more! Now usten to me!’ “But 1 protest’—— “Stand right there! Don't sit down! I'm doing tue talking. You, speaking for Harold Biilmore, have said you loved me, and have asked me to be your wife. I, speaking for Maud Wintergreen — “That isn’t fair now. I told you"— “I know what you told me—as the young man. Now I'm acting as the girl. For all practical purposes 1 am Maud Winter- green. 1 would say to the awkward vouth: ‘Harold, 1 have known for a long time that you love me. Do you think 1 would have accepted your attentiens month after month if I did not intend at last’ *—v ‘“You have no right to say anything like that. Is a girl supposed to take #t for granted’’ “Don’t interrupt me. I have not finished my answer vet. ‘Harold,” I reply, ‘you are a good and wux‘lh*’1 young man. You may not know exactly how to make a proposal of marriage in the most approved form, on account of a lack of previous praectice, but your heart is right. Here is my an- swer—1 will whisper it in your ear: Yes, Harold, I wili be your wife!” ” Then, of a sudden, there was a lightning change of characters, and Harold Bill- more was the yvoung man again. ! His arm stole around her waist, her | head slowly sank on his shoulder, he bent } his head downward, and— Pfr! P—-ff!'—Chicago Tribune. A TAQ ‘“Tommy, you must not interrupt your elders when they are talking. until they stop.” ‘“They never stop.” Wait A New NMemory JSystem. My friend, Micah Miggles, has a system | quis of Lorne, too.” ™ of mnemonics all his own. When he| «yyhy jt's historical works or photo- Wwishes to remember one word he thinks | ... .. o caiq I; but I was really quite in of another that may sound quite different, | & "5 5 but that bears some relation of ideas to “No." the word he seeks to retain. Thus, if you 4 - said Miggles. ‘““Just help me to | i o sure i asn't boeks or pie- told hinf to buy a pair of socks he would | [[Elr?lf I[ :Rm,:( ;t :;_8:‘ "1;1. 200ds.” . immed!q}ely think of the word “sovk-‘ Quite aecidentally I put him on the dplager, and, ten to one, when he ar-| . . 0 5| hadn’t, in spite of his system rived at the store the word would bave he would have gone home without a turned into doxology, and he would come | bundle, and, as he is a commuter, that back with a hymn-book. So his system | would have been a Nttle irresular has its fauits, but Miggles swears by it, “What to King? said 1. half t6 myse'f and once in a while he evolves a triumph N RO 38165, Rall (0 myy in his line. “Ha!" said Miggles: “thanks. Cotton is Last week his wife asked him to stop at | king — old expression. Cotton—King Munnimaker’'s and buy a few things for | Henry V' equals five yards of cotton her. He immediately made a list so that “Good!"" =aid I. “BE what in thunder he should not forget. I was with him | is ‘one Prince of Wales? ™ when he drew out his list at Munni- “Prince—prince—prints—cne yard of ! maker’s. prints!” and Miggles laughed with jo: | ““Hello!" said he, “what's all this royval ‘“There is more in that stemm than I family about? I can't think whether it thought,” said L. “But what ean you was books or kitchen utensils that Mrs. make out of ‘one Duke of Y ' Miggles asked me to get.” “Duke—duke—duke. Du'¢ ss. Ha! This after reading his list. one yard duchess lace.” “What's on the list?’ I asked. | *“You're a wonder!” said I. “But what “Why, I made it out in my system, you | can ‘Queen Victoria and Marquis of know, and I can’'t think of the key to it. ; Lorne, tco,” mean?” I've got to have a start always. It says| Like a shot he answered: “Two yards ‘King Henry V., one Prince of Wales, one | of Victoria—lawn! Hooray! Charies Duke of York, Queen Victoria and Mar- | Battell Loomis in the Smart Set, G F TR TSR TR DA TR TR TSR R TR T & TSR TR TR AT @ IN ICY WATERS. How do you find things? Polar Bear—Oh, moving along, moving along. How is it with you? Walrus—Well, I manage to keep my head above water. Walrus—Hello, old man! N ~ P ToATAT AT A TATATIAT AT AT AT A TR TR & 9 THE RUBICON. TO AVOID RECOGNITION, The great Caesar drew near to the Rub- “What on earth are you bringing a!l icon falteringly, and when he was come | those umbrellas in here for?” asked Mrs. at last to the banks of the noted stream | Van Haanen, as Mr. Van Haanen puffed he hesitated to cross. { into the bedroom with an armful of the “How different it would be if I were a ' articles named. ‘““Why, the dinner party college graduate!” he exclaimed, with ' is to-night!” “Yes. And vou are afraid emoticn. fthe guests will steal them, are you?” This incident in the life of the famous “Not at all; [ am afraid they will recog- Roman admonishes us to take advantage | nize them!"'—Ex. of every opportunity to obtain a liberal | education.—Detroit Journal, A REAL D;LEMMA. k o g < Fanny Footlights—I had a quarrel with day? 4 “Ab' nephew, I am well. How are the manager and threatened to leave the | you?” First raote. Guess what brought . AN EASY TOUCH, “Good-morning, uncle. How are you to- company. me here?” *“Oh, the old story, I suppose.™ Polly Pinktights—And wasn't there any- | “I'll bet you five shillings you can't body to take your part? guess.” “T'll take it. You came herg to borrow some money.”” *“You've lost! Pay me the five shillings. I only wanted to inquire how aunt is to-day." Fanny Footlights—Only my horrid un- derstudy.—Philadelphia Record. COULDN'T MOVE, “It looks to me as if the horseless car- riage is here to stay,” remarked the farm- €r. 5 “It is,” replied the driver, as he climbed down from the box seat of the automobile. “There’s a leak in the gasoline storage tank.” AN IMPENDING DISASTER, Nell-Maude made a great hit with that Russian attache. She pronounced his name beautifully. Belle—Yes; she had a cold in the head, and now she’s afrald it will leave her.— Philadelphia Record.