Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, September 24, 1916, Page 14

—B THE OMAHA SUNDAY BEE ISSUED EVERY AFTERNOON EXCEPT SUNDAY. Fo! > P VICTOR ROSEWATER, EDITOR ’_?“E BEE PUBLISHING COMPANY, T‘RO!'R[ETRR. OFFICIAL PAPER OF THE CITY OF OMAHA. " OFFICIAL PAPER FOR DOUGLAS COUNTY. “Entered at Omana postof ond-clags m (5] TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION. By Carrier By Mail per month. per year Daily and Sunday Daily without Su Evening and Sun Evening without Sunday. . o Bunday Bee onls 0c. 2.20 Daily and Sunday Bee, three years in advance, $10.00, Bend notice of change of address or irregularity in de- livery to Omaha Bee, Circulation Department. REMITTANCE. Remit by draft, express or postal order. Ouly 2-cent stamps taken in payment of small accounts. Personal checks, except cn Omaha and eastern exchange, not me- eepted. OFFICES. Omaha—The Bee Building. South Omaha—2318 N street. Council Bluffs—14 North Main street. Lincoln—526 Little Building. Chicago—818 People's Gas Building. New York—Room 08, 286 Fifth avenue. St. Louis—503 New Bank of Commerce. Washington—725 Fourteenth street, N. W. CORRESPONDENCE. Address communications relating to news and editorial matter to Omaha Bee, Editorial Department. AUGUS'T CIRCULATION 55,755 Daily—Sunday 51,048 Dwight Williams, circulation manager of The Bee Publishing company, being duly sworn, says that the average circulation for the month of August, 1916, was 66,760 daily, and 51,048 Sunday. DWIGHT WILLIAMS, Circulation Manager. sworn to before me Pk A M g is 3d day of September, 3 ] KOBERT HUNTER, Notary Public. Subscribers leaving the city temporarily should have The Bee mailed to them. dress will be changed as often as requested. ——— Are hotel rates going up, too? A stationary price tag these days brands itself as a back num- ber. | Still, it's either a trifle premature or a trifle fate to hand out a valentine at this stage of the calendar, It is understood, of coutse, that sympathetic strikes do not carry an atom of sympathy for the harassed public. | Unity, energy and enthusiasm insures the G. O. P. the leading place among the pennant win- ners of the year, Ak-Sar-Ben promises to outdo all his previous gchievements, and Ak-Sar-Ben is one promiser never known to go back on his word. | Indiana celebrates its centennial almost coin- cidentally with Nebraska's celebration of our semi-centennial. Mutual messages of felicitation will be in order. With Germans and Austrians mussing her front and Bulgars and Turks punching the short- ribs, Roumania’s lot is not as happy as it looked before the jump. ' . President Wilson is going to admonish Great Britain again on the mail seizure question. He has to “keep us out of war” at least once or twice more before election. | That betting story, however, proves conclu- My that the men who lay’ wagers with a calcu- g view to winning are putting their money up on the Hughes end of it A The historic episode of “carrying coals to Newcastle” is clearly outclassed by the rush of Minneapolis millers to the Omaha wheat mar- ket. “The market town” is recasting history. — 1 Vital statistics for 1915 gives the public health of this country the highest percentage on record. If speeders and careless drivers can be held in check the processions to graveyards will grow beautifully less every year. It is reassuring to be told that Omaha will have quare deal” in the matter of locating the land bank. Omaha is convinced that it did not have a square deal in the matter of locating the federal reserve bank. . And it hasn't forgotten it, either! / . A judicial roast and a cash penalty closed pro- ceedings in the federal court against misbranded medicine makers of Philadelphia. The court passed up the suggestion to dose the makers with their own medicine, believing the till treatment more efficacious. The farmer knows what has boosted the price” of farm products. The mere rumor that the Dar- danelles were to be opened far enough to admit the wheat held back in Russia to the world mar- ket jarred the price for a big drop. The farmer, . more than anyone else, will need after-the-war protection. Strong Minds in Sound Bodies, In his convocation address Chancellor Avery of the University of Nebraska emphasized the value of developing the body as well as the mind, that the individual may attain the highest use- _ fulness. This thought is not a new one; the chan- cellor himself is a splendid example of rugged physical manhood, and it may be in some sense he is expounding his own life theory in his ad- vocacy of physical training for university stu- dents. However this may be, the soundness of his doctrine is scarccly open to dispute. Its ap- plication, however, must be safeguarded, lest ex- cessive devotion to the merely physical overshad- ow the cultural effort of the school. Throughout the entire system of education in our country, at private and public institutions like, stress is laid upon athletics to a degree that sometimes indicates a tendency to exalt the ath- lete above the student. While this may be tran- sitory in its nature so far as it affects the individ- wal, it is likely to leave something of permanent effect on the school itself. Traditions are part of - student life, and form a potent agency whose in- fluence on campus activities is beyond computa- tion. Educators recognize this and now and again have been called upon to put forth considerable ~ effort to neutralize the bent of the young mind ~ to hero-worship. Sometimes this restriction swings a little too far and the school suffers in | degree just as the restrictive measures are made ~ unduly stringent. ' To secure and preserve the balance between | work and play, to co-ordinate bodily and mental | employment, to the end that development will be ¢Inif0nnly good and harmoniously beneficial, is the o not unattainable, perhaps, but still so elu- sive as to give the school authorities plenty to about in arranging their programs. A sane ‘mind in a sound body is the aim; to achieve it the (HE _OMAHA SUNDAY BEE: The Coming of the Preside: The assurance that the chief executive of the nation will be here to participate in Omaha's celebration of the semi-centennial of Nebraska's | statehood and review the historical parade pre- pared by Ak-Sar-Ben for that occasion is highly gratifying. All of our citizens will join in extend- ing to this distinguished guest the cordial wel- come due to the occupant of his high office—for he comes in response to the invitation of the Semi-centennial Celebration committee, as presi- dent of the United States, and not as a candidate for office, although the fact that he is a candi- date for re-election cannot be altogether dis- sociated, In this connection it is interesting to recall that President Wilson, then president of Prince- ton university, was solicited to deliver the com- memorative address for our celebration of the semi-centennial of the organization of Nebraska as a territory twelve years ago, and that he then expressed the wish that he might accept the invi- tation while regretting that other engagements made it impossible for him to do so. It goes without saying that if the importance of this celebration appeals to the nation’s chief magistrate sufficiently to secure the favor of his presence, our own people should be impressed with its epochal character and its exceptional features. The coming of the president should, and doubtless will, arouse our people to the mean- ing of our semi-centennial as has nothing else. Truly a World War, As the war in Europe proceeds it becomes more and more truly a world war, involving in the inextricable confusion of overwhelming battle races as widely separated as the planet’s surface will admit. In its beginning it was a strife be- tween the stronger races of Europe and some of the older. Now it has spread until along the fight- ing front may be found troops from “every kin- dred, every tribe on this terrestrial ball.” In a measure this is a tribute to man’s ability to set at naught the limitations placed on him by nature in the way of geographical divisions and physical barriers, It has also expanded to that extent the political aspect borne by the conflict in its earlier days. It is not alone the future of Europe that will be determined, but of Asia and Africa, and to some extent of America. This knowledge can- not have escaped the statesmen; although it may have been far in the background at the begin- ning, it is now very close to the front. As the swirl of battle swings wider and picks up new tribes, each acquisition is a factor added to the complicationg that must be set straight before peace will be established, no matter how soon the end is declared. Europe’s map-makers are | facing an adjustment that makes the task of Eu- rope's warriors seem simple. Mexican Matter More Complicated. Renewal of his pernicious activity by Pancho Villa has seriously complicated the negotiations in progress between the United States and Mex- ico. It was bad enough that Carranza should ex- pose what President Wilson had carefully held back; namely, that the conference was limited to two points—the fixing of a date for the with- drawal of Pershing’s expedition and the arrange- ment of loan to finance Carranza's operations. Americans had been led to believe other impor- tant points were to be considered, and a general program determined for the pacification of Mex- ico, Senor Carranza, on learning that his emis- saries had been questioned about internal affairs of Mexico, sharply reminded them they were to discuss only withdrawal of our troops and the loan. This note from Carranza exposes the presi- dent as no more frank with his countrymen in this than he has been in other phases of his course towards Mexico. And now comes Villa, on whose quiescence depended the success of the Carran- zista move to drive American troops out of Chi- huahua, and by his sudden stroke at the de facto forces puts an end to another dream. Peaceful negotiation with either side of this controversy is unpromising under present ‘conditions. Mr. Wilson may withdraw Pershing and his men from their intercepted errand, and may in- duce American bankers to loan Carranza money without satisfying security, but neither of these moves will do away with the fact that the first chief is so far as much of a failure in quieting Mexico as any of his predecessors. Example from a Chicago Mother. A Chicago mother has just performed a detail of her duty as head of a family that is worthy of more attention than it received in a short news- paper item. Her daughter, employed in one of the big stores over there, told her mother a tale regarding her wages that proved untrue on inves- tigation, The mother didn’t bother about calling in the juvenile court authorities. She went down to the store and taxed her daughter with her de- ception. ‘'When the matter had proceeded to the proper pitch, the mother gave the daughter a good old-fashioned spanking in full view of the audience. Now, this is not a very ladylike per- formance, nor would The Bee recommend the mothers who read this to proceed to the extremity of chastising errant daughters in public. The point we seek to press home is that the mother in question fully appreciated her duty. She is watching over her child, and her vigilance means safety. If all mothers were as alert and as con- scientious much of the misery of the world might be averted, The “no fee, no service” rule will never go in the medical field. The average physician or sur- geon does a tremendous lot of work for which he is never paid, and that is the justification for charging what the traffic will bear when the pa- tient is amply able to respond. The notion that a persan should buy professional service like cal- ico at so much a yard may be a good talking topic, but its advocates will not get anywhere. Secretary McAdoo makes a special plea for solving economic problems by careful ascertain- ment of all the facts and patient study of them, free from partisan bias and pressure of selfish interests, He has reference, of course, to the rural credits legislation, but what he says is even more directly applicable to the wage increase force bill which violates every rule of procedure laid down by the secretar: —_— A sympathetic note sounded by film makers will find a responsive echo in railroad circles, State and local censorships harrow up the film soul and halt development. Like railroad man- agers the film makers will not be happy until Uncle Sam takes them under his paternal wing \ and cans all other bosses. | seven times. y Victor Rosewater’ HEN I graduated from Columbia my diploma was handed to me, in his capacity as president of the institution, by Seth Low, whose death occurred this last week, and I have the most pleasant recollections of contact with him at college, out of which grew a personal friendship that continued down the years. With Seth Low Columbia inaugurated the most strik- ingly successful experience of the business man, rather than theologian or scholar, for university executive. He was, it is true, himself an alum- nus of Columbia and a thoroughly educated and cultured man, but his activities had been along the lines of trade and commerce, with a brief in- cursion into politics as reform mayor of Brook- lyn. He took hold of Columbia after the death of President Barnard and reorganized it along efficiency lines. He put steam back of the ma- chinery and inspired the confidence of the big men of New York, who came quickly to the front with liberal support, and before he retired he removed the campus to its new uptown site and laid the foundations of the university as it is to- day, foremost' among America's agencies of higher education. Seth Low possessed a personality which was the embodiment of dignity and courtesy, a little more reserved and aloof from the student doings erhaps than would be desirable, but none-the- ess sympathetic and ready to help in every pos- sible way. At the time of my appointment to the board of regents for the University of Ne- braska he wrote Goverrior Holcomb an extremely commendatory letter in my behalf, which I naturally prized very highly, and later, when he became intensely interested in the work of the National Civic Federation, of which he was serv- ing up to his death as its president, he asked me to take a place on the advisory council, which I gladly consented to do. I kept meeting him from time to time at different gatherings of pub- lic men, always enjoying the same cordial recep- tion. He was to have been at the last Chicago convention, but was kept away by poor health. He had been ill for some time, yet apparently hopeful of recovery, for I saw a letter written by him to Chairman Willcox of the republican national committee, who, by the way, had been intimately associated with Dr. Low, received on the very day that the death was chronicled, and in this letter offering congratulations on the result in ‘Maine and the growing confidence in Hughes’ election was a suggestion that he would have to cast his vote up-state in New York, where he was, instead of his home in New York City. With his record -of public service afd substantial achievement, however, Seth Low has left little, if any, of his work undone. Another death that stirs memories, though more in a journalistic way, is that of Horace White, long editor of the New York Evening Post, from which position he retired but a few years ago. Mr. White was an authority on bank- ing and finance and lectured on the subjects to us when I was at Columbia. He was on terms of intimacy with my father, with whom I visited him occasionally at his office. Horace White, with Joseph Medill, had been one of the founders of the Chicago Tribune and was, therefore, a western man transplanted into eastern journal- ism, It must have been while he was in active charge of the Chicago Tribune that he first be- came acquainted with my father, for I have among his papers a letter written hy Horace White on Tribune office paper, dated Chicago, May 11, 1867, proposing to pay him $25 a month for telegraphic dispatches g’om Omaha, adding, “This is $5 per week more than we pay at any other point except Washington. Your dispatches so far are quite satisfactory. If the terms suit, please notify me.” The terms must have suited, and likewise the service, for there is still another letter from Hor- ace White dated January 1, 1871, asking my father to cover for the Tribune the Nebraska legislature, and particularlv the election of the United States senator. “As you are a member of the legislature yourself,” he cautions him, “it is to be supposed that you are under some sort of a bias with reference to the senatorial elec- tion, We desire that your dispatches should be strictly impartial as regards that subject. We will make you a fair and reasonable compensa- tion for the kind of service I have mentioned, but in the absence of knowledge as to how much it will be necessary for you to do under the in- structions here given, I cannot now fix upon the amount in dollars and cents.” Mr. White used to take part in the meetings of the American Economic association, and I think it was at one of these meetings that I last talked with him. The members of the federal farm loan board who were here the other day are getting a lot of fun out of their trip, because they carry their sense of humor along with them, Secretary McAdoo coming in for most of the “joshing.” “The secretary declared at the start that when he quit his job at Washington he would retire to a farm,” said one of them. “Every place ‘we have been has had the finest farming country in the world just waiting to be developed, and we have already located the secretary:on a farm in nearly every state in the union.” At Lincoln, so I was told, an enterprising newsboy caught the secretary for a patron. “How much?" asked he. “Two for fi responded the urchin. And Mr. McAdoo thereupon handed him a nickel. “Oh, pshaw!” retorted the newsy, “there’s six guys in your party.” Whereupon the keeper of Uncle Sam’s money chest fished out an additional dime and forked it over. “I would promise Omaha one of the loan banks,” said Herbert Quick, “but I am not sure you are eligible. You see I lived here once and was almost blown away by a tornado, and the place that gets a bank must be tornado-prdof.” That's where I saw my chance, and came back quick: “Then Omaha's one of the few places) that can qualify, for it has been scientifically es- tablished that tornadoes never hit twice in the same spot, and we've had ours.” i People and Events Three robberies have occurred in as many homes within hailing distance of Shadow Lawn in less than a month. Pilgrims headed that way should see that their policies cover the risk. An Indiana man breaks into the limelight by claiming to have read the New Testament sixty- Such a waste of time and all Hoosierdom throbbing with up-to-date political literature! Boston's health authorities are convinced that the rat flea is a carrier of the germs of infantile paralysis, and a movement isson to make the city ratproof. Wharves are the principal haunts and breeding places of rats, and these places will re- ceive first attention. A mere man of Yonkers, N. Y., haled into court on a charge of abusing his wife offerd in justifica- tion fragments of currency bills with which madam it the gas. The wise judge advised in- stallation of electric light as a safeguard for the family bankroll. “General” Coxey of hobo fame still cherishes hope of breaking into congress without the as. sistance of an army. He has filed papers in Ohio as an independent candidate for the United States senate, Usually the Buckeyes are merciful to elders, but it is too e.rly to guage the force of their punch this year. ] SEPTEMBER 24, 1916. Thought Nugget for the’ Day. Defer not till tomorrow to be wise, Tomorrow's sun to thee may never rise. —William Congreve. One Year Ago Today in the War. German finance minister announced subscription for war loan of $3,000,- 000,000, Encircling Russian attack rolled back Von Mackensen's army north of Pinsk. Bulgaria called out all men up to 50 years and fortified Black Sea ports. At Wiljeka German forces were de- feated by Russians and several can- non teams captured. In Omaha Thirty Years Ago. Parlin, Orendorff & Martin have on exhibition the Feltch carriage that took first premium at both the Omaha district fair and the state fair at Lin- coln. The home of Mr. J. A. Whalen on Sherman avenue was the scene of a delightful serenade, at which the fol- lowing were present: Mr, and Mrs. Mr. Mr. and Mrs. Gentieman, and Mrs. Garrity, Mr. and Mrs. Truck- Jones, ey, Misses Smith, Garrity, Truckey, Murphy, Brady, Gaffney and Messrs. McCarthy, Maher, Regan and Bren- nan. Milton Nobles and wife, one of the prettiest women on the stage, arrived by early train from Council Bluffs, Mr. Nobles and his wife will appear at the Boyd in one of his most suc- cessful pieces, “Love and the Law." The Midland Electrical company Installed a new mammoth electric an- nunclator in the office of the Paxton house, which is the largest of its kind between Chicago and San Francisco, being intended for electrical connec- tion with 230 rooms. The house of H. Redfleld was al- most set on fire by a candle which melted down the leaden candlestick and set the tablecloth on fire. The flames were seen and extinguished Just in time. The Union Pacific has commenced to drive piles across Seventh street where the present viaduct stands and is laying a temporary track at that point while they tear down the old viaduct and widen the street. The elevator in the Omaha National bank when making the descent dropped from the second to the first floor, crushine in the floor and badly shaking up the occupants, Miss Thane, Miss Rhodes and James Clute. This Day in History. 17566—John Marshall, for thirty- four years chief justice of the su- preme court of the United States, born at Germantown, Va.; died in Phila- delphia July 6, 1836. 1784 — General Zachary Taylor, whose popularity as a Mexican war hero won him the presidency, born in Orange county, Virginja; died in ‘Washington, D. C., July 9, 1850. 1817—Cornerstone laid for the first Michigan university at Detroit. 1841—Mr. Brooke, an Eglishman, became rajah, or governor, of Sara- wak, the first footing obtained by the English on the Island of Borneo. 1858—Death of Baron Ward, an English stable boy who became prime minister of Parma. 1861—Public reception in Boston in honor of Jerome Bonaparte. 1869—Black Friday, when a group of speculators in New York advanced the price of gold suddenly to 162%, causing a panic. 1901—After a nine hours’ trial at Buffalo Leon Czolgosz, the assassin of President McKinley, was sentenced to death. 1904—Seventy persons killed and many injured in a collision on the Southern rallway near Knoxville, Tenn. 1910—The Sultan of Sulu arrived in New York on a visit. The Day We Celebrate. Edgar M. Morsman, jr., attorney- at-law, is 43 years old today. He was born in Omaha and educated at the University of Michigan. He was a member of the legislature for one term. Dr. James N. Patton, oculist and aurist, is celebrating his fortieth birth- day. He was born at Mercersburg, Pa., and graduated in medicine at the University of Nebraska. Clarence P. Townsley, one of the new brigadier generals of the United States army, born in New York sixty- one years ago today. Dr. Thomas Darlington, former health commissioner of New York and recent investigator of health con- ditions in the army camps in Texas, born in Brooklyn fifty-eight years ago today. Eugene Foss, former governor of Massachusetts, born at West Berk- shire, Vt., fifty-eight years ago today. Rev. Mark A. Matthews of Seattle, moderator of the Presbyterian gen- eral assembly, born at Calhoun, Ga., forty-nine years ago today. Judge Horace E. Deemer, chief jus- tice of the Iowa supreme court, born at Bourbon, Ind., fifty-eight years ago today. He has spoken in Omaha sev- eral times, Dr: John P. Brooks, president of Clarkson College of Technology, born at Kittery, Me,, fifty-filve years ago today. William H. Santelmann, director of the United States Marine band, born in Hanover, Germany, fifty-three years ago today. A. Montgomery Thackara, United States consul general at Parls, born in Philadelphia sixty-eight years ago today. James W. Good, representative in congress of the Fifth Iowa district, born near Cedar Rapids, Ia., fifty years ago today. ‘ Storyette of the Day. The “dreary Glasgow Sunday” is far from being a mere figure of speech. A fat, jovial-looking American, leaving his hotel one fine Sunday morning for a stroll, came upon a George- square policeman, who eyed him and said: “Ye had better tak-care, sir, what ye're doing." “What am I doing?" inquired the tourist, and added, with a merry “Why, I'm not even whis- replied the Glasweglan, in and reproving tones, “but yve're lookin’ maist as happy as if it wis Monday."—Liverpool Post. FACTS FOR THE CURIOUS. The camel can neither swim nor jump. ‘Whales spout only when they are feeding. Eight feet is the average width of a street in China. The reading of romance is forbiddem by the Koran. A pound of phosphorus is sufficient to tip 1,000,000 matches. The hide of the giraffe Is used by African natives in whip and sandal making. The Japanese are more alike physically than the people of any other race. The cost of launching a modern battleship often amounts to upwards of $10,000. Honolulu is said to have more public holi- days than any other city in the world. SECULAR SHOTS AT PULPIT. Philadelphia Ledger: Wisconsin brewery from burning. action right or wrong? Houston Post: The Lord never expected A minister saved a Was this to do more than help the children of men, & but it is getting so some of them not only want Him to furnish the gasoline, but be the chauffeur as well. | Springfield Republican: “Billy” Sunday, it is stated, gave the $6,000 thank offering | received for his recent ten-day meeting at Ocean Grove to Rev. Elijah P. Brown, after | converting the money into a residence. Mr. | Brown is “Billy’s” biographer and former | evangelist coach, The most interesting part of this item is its mention of “Billy's” aver- | age receipts of $600 a day—apparently net receipts. It leaves ball playing nowhere. St. Louls Globe-Democrat: Methodism is rich and mighty now. It has great churches, pipe organs and paid choirs. It ha academies, colleges, seminaries, hospitals, | orphanages, papers, book concerns, leagues | and Sunday schoolss. It has educated and eloquent preachers. It liberally supports missions in every land. But the glory of its recent achievements does nrt prevent the imagination dwelling on the struggles of the | pioneer circuit rider. He rode horseback and | carried his library—consisting of a Bible, a | hymnbook and a’discipline—in his saddle- | He had an arsenal of texts, for of- or defense. He was ready to expound scriptures in and out of seasom, to vast| multitudes at camp meetings or to a chance | fellow-wayfarer in the wilderness. There was | no peril of stream, beasts or savages and no severity of weather ue shirked. He got | an average salary of $40 a year, for about 400 sermons. He warned men and women “to flee from th h to come and be saved from their sin: aking his “brimstone wallet” when occasion required. AROUND THE CITIES. Philadelphia authorities have closed down on “tag days.” No more permits to do the genteel holdup will be issued. A record number of students are registered at the University of Utah, Salt Lake City, seriously crowding the capacity of the class rooms. Chicago anticipates legislative action on private banks and ordinances have been drawn providing for municipal regulation and supervision. Several Kansas towns, disliking the dust of nonresident autoists, are building brick street crossings a foot above the level, thus | providing & series of hard bumps for speeders. Cleveland's school director, in his report, urges that the city utilize all able resources in providiug school buildings instead of spending money on auditoriums, playgrounds and swiiiming pools. Good ideas bloom in Tom Johnson's burg. 1 St. Joe is all dolled up for the fashion show, fashion parade and auto pageant booked for this week. A “bemuty contest” was eliminated from the week's festivities owing to the difficulty in securing sufficient help to record the entries. A warm vocal row Is on in Greater New York over the delay in opening the public | schools. Some parents threaten to take legal action to compel postponement of the open- ing day until October 2, in order to minimize etill further danger from infantile paralysis. The federal court at Salt Lake City is| looking into the pipe cinch alleged to be the stock in trade of master plumbers in that section. The case is similar to the recent | prosecution and conviction of Iowa master plumbers for effecting a combine in restraint of trade. During the first half of September eighty motor cars valued at $62,259 were stolen in Philadelphia. Only twenty-on: had been | recovered in the same time. The police record for eight months show 722 cars stolen and 598 recovered. Auto stealing is a thriv- | ing business all over the country. | Girardville, Pa., is some town, pulsing | with enterprise and crowned with a new thought. For some time past the pride of the townspeople in its city hall has grown noticeably weaker. From b.ing regarded as an asset it shrunk to a liability. The occu- pants consumed all the revenue within reach | and produced nothing worth while. That view of the situation gripped the taxpayers, who proceeded to convert the town hall into a factory. Town officials were thrown out into the cold world and told to hunt other quarters. Isn't that new thought the limit? DOMESTIC PLEASANTRIES. Husband (after the theater)—Well, how did you like the play? His Wife—Very well, indeed. There was only one impossible thing in it. The second act takes place two years after the first, d the family still have the same servant. New York Times. Maud—The young clergyman who per formed the ceremony. scemed dreadfully flustrated Ethel—Mercy, ves! Why, he kissed the bridegroom untl shool hands with the bride —Boston Transcript sald the friend, “that Mr. “I observe, s he owes much of his suc- Rockefeller s cess to golf." “It was my notion,” said the lowbrow, “that most men owe much of thelr golf to success.”—St. Louis Republic. The Barber—You halr is thinning, sir. er try our hair preparation? The Patron—No, I can’t blame it on that —Puck. “Women don’t understand the work of men.” “How now?" “That fellow is a famous surgeon yet his wife thinks he doesn’t amount to much just because he couldn’t repair a leg for the kitchen table."—Loulsv''le Courfer- Journal. “Ned got a nice little windfall last week."” “What did he do with 1t?" “Just as he got the windfall he found his machine needed a windbreak."—Balti- more American. VEAR MR. KABBBLE., 'EVERY TIME MY FIANCE HAS To TAWE ME T A SHOW, HES AN HOUR LATE —How CAN X BREAK HIM OF THE HA&? SKAA YHE NEXY ‘TIME HE DOES THAY, TELL HIM “THAT COMING LATE WONY GET HIM THE TICKETS ANY CHEAPER ! “Kitty is such a resourceful girl.” “Is she?" “Why, the other day when she'd left her reticule at home she powdered her nose with a marshmallow."—Boston Transcript. Bachelor (sadly)—I di ed last night that I was married. The alarm clock woke me. Benedlct night_that I wa me.—Buffalo News. (more sadly)—I dreamed last single. 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