Omaha Daily Bee Newspaper, August 23, 1891, Page 15

\ ot ./ - - - J THE OMAHA DAILY BEE, SUNDAY, AUGUST ¢ P 1891 -SIXTEEN PAGES. 15 i TALE TOLD BY A TILLTAPPER, An All-'Round Orook and Gambler Gives His Life Story SECRET OF ALL GAMBLING AND STEALING, How the Desire to € Nothing I for Which No Remedy. 8 Di Ther's a 8o The clock on the high school tower was an- houncing the hour of midnight as I crossed Bixteenth street where it iutersocts Farnam and stopped for & moment to watch for tho 1ast motor train towara the south, The night was one of naturc’s models, The moon, then in the third quarter, with the assistance of the electric light that swings over the inte n of the wwo stroets, trausformed the darkness in that immediate vicinity iuto day. Innumerable moth millers, butterflies and a host of other fusects were fluttering and darting about the glittering globe from which the dazzling rays of the electric current shot in all direc- tions. A pair of bats shot hither and thither like irregular meteors, darting close to tho light and then away into the darkness carey- ing with them at each trip some doomed and captive msect for a feast. An occasional pedestrian passed me, looked wistfully down the strect in hopo of seeing one more motor train moving toward Hanscom park, but the last train hud gone uud with lagging steps the straggling and vbelated passengers moved on. 1 had just about decided to pursue the samo course when I noticed o man coming out of the Omaha board of trade building. He had evidently been taking a late luncheon. He camo directly toward me and as [ started across the street I met him undor the tull glare of the electric light. “For heaven's sake, how do you 1, as I'looked him in the face and r the features of a playmate of my boyhood, whom I had not seen for fifteen years, but concerning whose career I was pretty woll osted. “Iixcuse me, sir, but T think you must be mistaken,'said the man I bad just address +0, no. I am not mistaken,” I replied, fo with the sound of his voice every vestige of (bl.()ub‘! had vanist “You are Fremont “Hush-sh-sh," he said raising his hand and speaking in a whisper. “You know me Jim and I know you, but by all_that used to be near and dear to us both, I tell you I must not be known here by that name. Do not mention the fact that vou met me or saw me. Goodbyo.” “But hold upa moment,” T said earnestly 8s the man was about to walk away. It certainly can’t do you any harm to talk with me a few moments. 1 have no occasion for getting vou into trouble.” “Well, if you must talk come away from the light, come over here in the shadow.” And we walked to the steps of the Kountze Memorial Lutheran church and sat down. “Now Jim,'said the playmate of my youth, when we had taken seats in that out-of-the-way place, ‘“what is there that you and I can talk about. You know my record, or a partof it at least. You know that I am ashamed to tatk to you about it.”” “Why don’t you quit makibg a recora that you aré ashamed of, und make 4 man of your- selll You aro capable of better things, and you know it.” “Yes, I admit all you say to be true, but let me tell you, Jim, alter’a man has once en- tered upon my profession—wa call it a pro- fession, 1 suppose, becauso there is hardly enough work about it to call it a trade—he seldom reforms. 1 have teaveled a rocky road since you and I were in school together back there in 1llinois fifteen years ago. Do you remember how I used to beat you playing harbles at the old couutry school houso! Lord, how Iywish I could live them days all over again “Why not start in now and make the best of it from this out?” *“There ure a thousand reasons, Jim, why rofessional crooks and gamblers do not ro- form. In the first place, the desire to get something for nothing—which is the fountain head and secret spring of all gambling und stealing—becomes a sort of disease. It gots into a man’s very veins and he cannot shake it off. The excitement of the gambling room, the terriblo hazard that must be constantly faced by professional cracksmen becomes & sort of necessity in the life of the sporting man and the crook, and many of them would rather make £.,000 a year in that way than $10,000 at somo logiti mate bit prosy business where the ‘elements of chance and danger do not figure 0 promiuerntly. “No, I tell you, it is hard to reform a sport or a crook. You may reform a murderer, for he may have committed the deed in the heat of passion or anger, but this thing of pro- fessional gambling and stealing 1s a plant of deliberate growth and its roots take hold wvery deep. I had no intention when I began this business of ever degenerating mnto a safe-blower, but I will confess to you that 1 have turned several dollars that way, In fuct, T huve made more money by tupping the tills and going through the pocke o} tonder- feet than I ever wmade av the game. You remember my first exposure! Well, that cut me up @ good deal, but I soon got hardened and an avrest now is simply & piece of bad luck, just the same as a spell of sickness would be to you. Tt simply interfere for a time with my opera- tions. “‘A man never becomes much of 8 success in this line until be has made a jail record, because e does not make the acquaintance of thoe skillful men in the business. They aro afraid to tall to tenderfoot. He may turn out to be a sleuth of the law or a block- bead and get experienced men into trouble.” “How many times have you been in jail?" “1 have hud a pretty active career sinco 1 started out from home fourteen years ago. Have been n county jails eleven times, st ing all the way from ten aays to six months, Have served two short terws in the peniten- tiary aud have scen the inside of a common city “jug,” as you reporters call it, nineteen times, I went in the tirst time when I was not quite fifteen years old uud the Jast time about six months ago, making a record of thirty-two times that | have been arrested in 1ess than fifteen years." ’ ;Do you feel discouraged when thrown fn il *“I'hat depends npon thecircumstances, An ordinary arrest and Jockup simply ns @ suspi- cious character, or some such chestnut, is looked upon as a mere incident of tho trade, but a penitentiary sentence for five to ten vears or more is 4 serious matter ‘With any one who is at all ambitious in_his profession. A lito sentence or the dead drop a man of my swripe is nov likely to get unless he gets into a desperats hole some time and is obliged to cut his way out. But five, ten or fifteen years knocked out of a man's life is ® serious matter. You take a man now for austunce at my age, with the most of hife be- fore him- as we used to say in our school boy essuys—and let him bo higged into the pon and have to squander ten good ripe years learning some stupid trado thathe won't have any use for after he yets out, is a very discouraging feature of the business. Somo young fellows just starting in imagine, as 1 used to, that the life of a professional gam- bler and all-round thief is a pienic; bat I tell you when you come to cousider the dis- co ts and risks toataman has to face vou will wake up your mind that it is aboui the hardest way on carth to make a lving.” 5 *You have no ineans of insuring our life or insuring yourself ust1oss in this line of business, have you | “No, wo bavew't, ‘Ihere is a movement on foot amon, me of the profession to organize a gamblers’ and pickpockets' mutual protec tive association, which 1 think will be u very good scheme, Of courso the whole busiuess will be sub-rosa, out it will be ®otten up in first-class shapo. You may wonder Low we can trust any of our sru(enluu with the funds of the oryanization ut let me tell you tbat, laving aside all okes, there is such o thing &s honor among hieves. If itisn’t honor it issomething that acts a good doal like it, for I huve kuown men 4n my business who wonld not steal from a poor man or a pard under an ygeiroumstances. b kuown professional gamblers and thieves who would divide tho last nickel With & poor woman or with auybody n the bour of veed. But I tell you, Jim, it always makes me feol uncomfortable to meet such weu {n my line of busiuess. They are good #aouxh to be making an houest living and bhatis where they belong. A man in Lbis 't Something for | | business ought to bo consistent and if he s | he will be a confounded villian from one end | of the weok to the other. I have permitted iy sympathy to make a fool of me some times, A crook has no use for sympath All ho needs is nerve, ability to play and & iittle cash.' ““You have doubtioss met with some very sensutional experiences ! Yes, I have been shot in half a dozen places, and have more cuts and bruises about | my body than I am years old. But I don't liko to_toll about such things, ‘They always | remind me that I ought to have been an hon- estman. There is one little incideut, though, that | wiil tell you about. It illustrates the ludicrous side of the business, A GRIP FULL OF GREENBACKS, “Five years ago this coming winter, in company with cided to try my luck in the pir We know a wealthy old lumt up there who had several hundred men at work in the woods, and he had an old-fashioned way of going out 10 the camp every two weeks with a grip full of greenbacks to pay off the men. Wo laid plans to intercept the ola man's mouey beforo it reachod the camp. He usually went up from the town where he lived, about thirty miles from the lumber camp, on Saturday, getting off at a small station in the woods aid then driving about six miles to the camp. He tiad a way of appearing very careless about the handiing of an ola weather-beaten erip that he invariably carried, usually throwing it under the seat in a very indifferent manner when he enterad the car. His dress was rough and he affected the manper of somo one-horse farmer struggling to make a living on a forty-acre farm in the brush. All this was for a purpose, and that purpose was t conceal the 'fact that he carried # by bunch of billsin that old wenther- beaten grip. The old man had followed this method of paying off his men with perfect se- curity for several years and had begun to feel ‘proud of what he believed was a com- plete success at deceiving any robber who might haye, at any tme, heen laying plans to capture his 'mon he old man was mistaken. We shadowed bim for two weeks and then iaid plans to re- lieve him of his conceit and his cash at the samo time, About three miles from the station whero the old man got off there was a bridge in the road where he had to pass. At that point wo decided to make the attack and secure the cash, Wo knew about the hour the old man usually camo along, and a few minutes be- fore ho arrived at the bridee we pried two of the boards off and loft the bridge in bad shape. Wo then concesled ourselves in o brush patch near the road and waited for the lumberman, Protty soon we saw his sleigh coming through the woods, winding around the trees that Lined the crooked road. Tuere was a man with him—a Methodist preacher, whom we had seen before at the lumber caup—but we did not permit that to interfere with our plans in_the le: When the lumberman came to the bridge he saw the boards off and he ar:d the preacher gotout to put them in place. Th ti the team about four rods from the bridgze aud not more thaa a rod from where we lay. I made a dash ior the grip and wy pard covered the two men with his revolver, but he did not intend to shoot. Ho thought they would throw up tbeir hands, but they weren'v built_that way. The old man hauled outa wicked looking old horse pistol, and seeing by this time that I haa the grip and was putting off through the woods my pard just tired once at random and then tovk to his heels and followed me down through the woods at about the livliest rate of speed we ever made in our lives. We didn’t stop until_we reached the edge of o lake about a mile from the bridge. Hero we buckled on our skates and then before making a dash down the side of the lake we decided to throw the grip away and we open- ed it to divide the money.” I jerked the old weather beatin bax open and we gazed in bewilderment at its contents.” *Full of greenbacks of course?" *‘Not by a long shot. That confounded old grip contained nothing but a_pocket biblo, three hymn books, a nignt shirt, two clean handkerchiefs ana'a sermon written on forty pages of letter paper, and on this text, taken from the twelfth chapter of Romaus atd the seventeenth verse: ‘‘Provide things honest in the signt of all men.” “What did you do?" “What did we do? Well, you can imagine one thing we did. We sworo. But wo had to get out of there, and that right early. Weo shd down the lake, caught a freight train and rode down almost to Grand Rapids, and then jumped and sneaked into town before day- light. Tne papers gave the whole thing away next mornmg. ~They told about two bungling highwaymen atfempting to 1ob a wealthy luiberman, and in the scramble how they got hold'of a minister’s grip and ran away with some testaments and tracts, while the grip containing 3,500 in green- bucks lay under the seat of the'sleigh unmo- lested. The old preacher happened to have a grip that was a dead match for the one car- ried by the lumberman, and I got the wrong one. I have always remembered that passago of scripture, but I have violated it nearly every day of my life since. Now don’t talk to me about reform, for I can’t histen to it. Go on home to your wife and I will go my way. I hope you will never tell any one that you have met me, Jim, and tzy, if you can, to forget that thera ever was such'a boy aud man as I was and am. Goodbye.” And the crook and gambler arose, gave mo a hearty shake of the hand and walked away A Sen Side Fanc; Jack Kendrick Bangs in Harp:r's Weekly. I would, O Sea, thy destinies were mian To shape for one short day. I'a give to thee Tho rost whioh I am suro thowldst o de- cline, If thou to have thy way were wholly free. ‘This endless beating on the sandy shore, “This constant undulation on the deop, This never-ceasing din of thy dull roar, Do testify the vigil thou dost keep. Methinks if thou couldst in quiescence lie Por one full day 'twere better for man- kind— For them that awell the sounding coast hard by, For them that homes unfathomed find. Ana so I'd say, had I tho sovereign power, Wero all that is subject to my will For but ore day, one minute, or one hour, “Whilst I am reigning, Sea, do thou' be still” —— ABOU o Kate Fiela, who bas made Washington her home for the last cighteen months, calls both New York City and Boston “idiotically An- glomaniacal.” Miss Nanatte McDowell, granddaughter of Henry Clay, lives with her fatber in the old Clay homestead of Ashland, one of the most beautiful and romantic places in all Kentucky. ‘The Maine girls are no cowasds. Down in Waushington county the girl raspberry pick- ers run across a bear now and then, but keep right on picking berries, New York World: Kach year of Chief Justice Fuller's residence in Washington has witnessed the debut of one of his seven charming daughters. This year Miss Mary Fuller returns from her long stay m Berlin to enter society at the capital, Mrs. Douglas, wife of the once famous physician who attended General Grant on his deathbed, has just received un appoint- ment to a subordinate position in the troas- ury department at Washington, Her hus- band, by his unremitting sttention to the dying president, lost his practice and has never rogained it. Heo is now broken in health and almost peuniless. Waltor Bosant says that a clever Englisn girl of his acquaintance was employed some time ago by & man who brings out cheap novelottes. She got 50 shillings for writing a story of 50,000 words ; that is to say, & penuy for every fifty words. And she was not allowed to put her name to the thing,because, as her sweater told her, “if you put your name the people will usk for you and your price will go up.” All France 1s very much interested just now iu the future of a young widow, the Princess Lotitia, who is the ouly marriagea- ble princess of the Bonaparte family. The E;hu‘cs!l a woman of somewhat imposing auty, She has a rather large figure, 1n- clined to embonpoint, a florid face, and thick black hair. Her lips are full, alinost to the point of sensuality. Of her shoulders and arms it has been said that they might fur- nish mouels for a sculptor, for they are superbly developed. In manner the princess 18 most vivacious, but she bas an unpleasant way of making cutting awd roastio re- marks. Sho bas expressed & desire to marry again, snd Purls Is curious w know whom sho will seloct for a busbana, REELEY'S CUSSEDNESS CURES. | Wonderful Progros of the War Against Liquor, Tobacoo and Opium. BI-CHLORIDE OF GOLD'S WORK AT BLAIR. Success of the Nebraska Branch of Keeley's Famous Dwight Institu- tion Fully Attested By its Satisfactory Results. “Reeleyism’ is just now the fashion. The man who has not heard of bi-chloride of gola and who cannot cite from among his ac- quaintances cases who are ‘‘remarkable cures” 1 not “in it,” colloquially speaking. Not very long ago it was a dificult matter to find out anvthing about Dr. Keeley's cure for the alcohol, opium and tobacco habits. But sineo such great journals as the Chicago Tribune, New York Sun, and, latterly, Tiur BeE (to say nothing of hundreds of papers of lesser influence), Lave freely thrown their columus open to the tostimony of the res- cued, and, moreover, through humanitarian, not advertising influences, thers is no ex- cuse for anyone not kaowing that drunkon- ness can be cured. In u recont Sunday issue of Tur Beel wroto of Dr. Keele; institute at Dwight, 111, and of the cares that wero being effected there through the instrumentality of bi- chloride of gold. It will be good news to many readors of Tus Bak to know that thore is now in Nobtraskaa braach of the Kossloy institute whero bi-chloride of gold is trans- forming drundkards and opium habitues into sober and useful men. This branch is lo- cated in the beautiful little city of Blair, where Dr. Keeloy's methods and medicines are working wonders, 1 visited the Blair instit ute recently for the purpose of bacoming acquainted with mem- ber; of the brotherhood to which I am proud to belong—the brotherhood of men who, have the manbood 0 make the effort to thro'v off the fetters of a destroying habit, and that [ might be able to intelligently tell the peopls of the loophole so near home for the unfortunatss who ars under the alconolic ban. The choice of Blair for the branch fustitute in Nebraska has proven a happy one. It is cnsy of access, guiet enough for the n sary rest, lively enoush to keep interest alive, hospitable, picturesque and has cool and leafy streots, The peovle of Blair havo personally taken a great interestin the institute and tients, and mauy doors are thrown open to the men in the endeavor to chees and encour- age. Not long since Mr. Crowell, who owns one of the most beautiful estates in Nebraska, invited the patients out to his place, which 13 situated near Blair, and entertained them gracetully. This spirit. which treats the men not as outeasts, but as unfortunates, is not only right, but very helpful. On May 19 last the institute was opered with Dr. B, F. Monroe as physiciau in churge and Mr. W. J. Cook, the business manager, to look ufter tha temporal wants of the pa- tients. 1t was not long before its existence became in a measure kuown and patients began to arrive. The people of the west have not yet heard as much about the Keeley cure as those of tho east, or the institute would bave been crowded from the time of 1ts opening. The news 13 gradually filtering its way into ail corners, #& man baving been cured is not slow to announce the fact in his lit- tle world, and so the news spreads. The institute at Dwight started in a much smaller way and as the news traveled east- ward and the truth and value of the remeay became known the newspapers took the mat- ter up aud distributed the information broad- cast. People who had boen compelled to stand id and sec alcohol destroy thou- sands of otherwise useful and briiliant men were aroused and realizing that here, for the first time, was an infallible remedy for the world's greatest cause and deadliest and most prevalent disease began fosend patients to Dr. Kecley. And so, no doubt, will it be with Blair. ©~ When people realize that the drunken father, son, brotter or husband can berelieved of his malady, that he can return to them sound in body and mind, that the broken and uubappy home can be restored then bi-chloride of gold as administered b, Dr. Mooroe at Blair will do as much {v{'"‘ Nebraska as it has done for the homes of the cast. Skepticism will, no doubr, deter many from reaping this benefit for somo time, but I contidently pre- dict that the time is nov rar distant when in- formation about the bi-chloride of gold reme- dies and their uses will be as familiar to peo- ple generally as tho home remedies of our grandmothers, It may be well to digress slightly and say that it is now the generaily accepted opinion that drunkenness is a diseasc and not a vice. orohibitionists to the contrary notwithstand- ing. For centuries alcohol has had its unre- lenting grip at the throats of high and he who could shake it off afte: became fastened was a remarkably strong mau. Jenner, Pasteur, Koch and hosts of scienti| nen haye discovered remedies and alleviators for the various ills that human flesn is heir to, but it was left for Dr. L E. Keeley to discover a corvain and painless cure for the greatest of all curses, drunken- ness. This remedy is the double chloride of gold und by its use alcohol, opiam, morphine, cocaine, chloral, cigarettes and ull similar poisons, which, for some unaccountable reason, are spread temptingly as traps for poor, weak humanity to fall into, are utterly routea and put to flizht forever. Dr. Keeley's great success with bi-ctloride of gold is due to the fiet that he can administer such large quantities of the gold as ure necessary to drive out the poisons, his preparation ca ryving with itan eliminant to reliove tho sys- tem of the gold after 1t has done its “work, The success of the remedy cannot now be doubted, even by the most skeptical, more than nine thousand men having been cured by it, with no failures, and only five per cent of relupses to the habit which hud been cured As yet tho great orzanizations of this coun- try, whether temperance, religious or benevo- lent, have made no official movement to ap- ply the bi-chloride of gold remedy 1o the bot- terment of bumanity, but the day will come when skepticism will be brushed away and drunkeuness reduced to a minimum. The probibition party, whose putative objeot is the alleviation, by law, of the misery cansed by drunkenness, has done nothinz to investi- gate the merits of bi-chloride of gola as a means to the end they wish to attain. The Chicago Evening Journal, one of the papers which has Iately thrown off prajudice and is advocating Keeleyisw, says editorial- 1y: “Apropos of nothing why is it that the prohibitionists take so little interest in tho Keeley cure for the liquor habit! It either cul that habit ~ or it does not. If it does it attains just the end the prohibitionists are seeking, and thoy should laud its inyeutor as the greatest of men. They are not lauding to any particular oxtent. 1s it possible that the professional probibitionist fears to see his occupation gone!" At the Blair institute patients aro received and cared for precisely as at Dwight. They are taken toa quiet, comfortable boarding house, and are soon taken in hand by fellow “students” and made to feel that they are among frienc The enthusiasm among the men i3 intense. They see the change that is workiug in each other’s mind and body and cheerily congratulato one another, while thoy eucourage and help the NOWCOMOr Who bus not recovered from his weakness aud nervous- ness. It is a lesson to humanity at large to 300 the amount of unseltishness aud bhearty kinduess displayed toward one another by erstwhile weak and nervous wrecks. There are over thirty patieots now at Blair and thirty-five cures have been offected, Abou a dozen Omaha men have hesn and are now undergoing treatment there, and they aro representative mon in every respact. Dr. Mouroe has made some murvelous cures iu the short time tho institute has boeu open. Ho has cowpletely cured the worst drunkara in Western lowa, a wan who was famed from Sioux City to the south for his terrible debauches. | talked with this maa ou the u-{ of his graduation, and I never mat & more latelligont, sover snd yeutlemanly mau or 000 s0 thoroughly bappy iu his refor- mation, The doctor is making & sucoess ful oure of & man who consumed thirty grains of cocaine, thirty gruins of morphine and two qQuarts of whisky duily. This wan | also talked with aud he is as ocontidout as the doctor that he is beiug cured, fan Ao 18 thoroughly cognizant of his position, It Iy not nocassary, how- ever, to elaborate on the cures being made. A branch of the B-hloride of Gold club has been organized at.Blair, and its moetings are being enthusifstically attended. The young ladies of Blai¥; With thoe tendor pity of woman-kind, have féFaishad and care for & comfortable club room for the boys. Iresh bouquets of flowers lite placed on the tables overy morning and “glétures, books, mnaga- zines and musical In?&\lmunu lie in pictures- que confusion on thd friting and card tables in the comfortable reom. ~Almost daily I am asked as to the expense of the Kooloy treat- ment. The charge fo'the treatment is £25 a week, comfortable board can be had for 8 or ) a weok, miscellaneous oxpenses, such baths, shaving, cigar. etc., $1 to $2 p weok, surely a moderate expense in propor- tion to tho benofit. tlor the benefit ot Nebraska and adjacent territory the brance of the iKeeley institute at Blair has boen started. 1t is easier of ac- cess than Dwight, patients from any part ot tho state having wood railroad facilities by either of Omahia or Fremont. and the mini- mum of hours spent in travel is very desir- able to all new patients. Another great deratum is the saving in railroad as betweon Blir and Dwight. Omaba it is especially convenient, enabling friends of patients to visit them frequently and keop informed as to their progress. The number of Omaha men now at tho Blair institute undergoing treatment testifios the appreciation in which the rem- edy is boginning to be Leld hore. Tho case of un Omahu man sent to Blair last woek is being anxiously watchod by a large number of poople. and his cure will result in a num- ber of other men going, A letter from him, less than a week after bis arrival, states that he had given up whisky and was certain of a curo. This good news came in the faco of he belief that he was a hopaloss and incur- able drunkard, bereft of health, moral con teol, and all but a few faithful frionds, whose faith will ba rewarded when he refurns a new man, mentally and physically, with his appetito for liguor gone forover. )r. Monroa, the ‘physician in charge, 1s thoroughly competent, having received' his training in the treatment of alcohol and opium habits at tae bands of Dr. Keeley sclf, which is all that is necessary to compe He has practised “for tw years in Blairand has beon remarkably suc- ful in his practice. He isan 1deal man for the place, Broad winded, a splendid dis- ciplinarian, gentlo and sympathetic, he can bo confidently entrusted with cases to whom the bi-chioride of gold is necessary. W. GIANT KICHARDSON, e The Journey. £ B, Fouwler, “Fair ehild, whore art thou going?" I asked a bright-eyed boy, Whose golden locks were glowing As be bounded on in joy His cheeks were flushed and ruddy, 1u the morning air 5o cool, Ho roplied, *I ¢o to study,'’ And he pointed to the school. heis a ph “Young man, where art thou going, With brigntly pohished gun And glittering sabre glowing In tho rays of the noonday sun?’ “0, I thought to livo in story, As my country’s strougest shield, And T 2o to seek for glory On the bloody battletield.” O1d man, where art thou going— What great journey hast begun As thy silvery locks are glowing In the rays of the-setting sun?" He raised bis head} 30 hoavy, “Toward heaven's brilliaut doma, And his eyes seemed lit with glory As ho said, “I'm going home! ——— SAVING OF BRIGIIT BUDS. An luquirin r Mind. Philadelphia Press: ' “Mamma, Tunkantel " “I'm sure I don’t heard of such a_perso “Does he love papa "’ “1 don't know."" 4 *Doos teacher love: him " “Love who!" Y “Tunkautel.” “Whatever are you ‘talking about, child ¢ “Well, 1 don't care. Anyway, I saw papa huggin’ teachor on the stairs yesterday, an’ teachor say she love papa better than Tun- kaatel.”" who s lknow, child, I never my Too Old. Philadelphia Times: “Ma,” said the smart 10-year-old boy, at the dinner table, as he picked up an ear of coru, L don’t want this not, my son?" use it is too old.” “You are mistakén. my son, nice and tender ear.” S.re.” What made you think it was old " Ob, because it has whiskers on it," he re- plied, while pulling off some of the silk tne cook had left on It s a ver Pair. ! —Your papa goes out overy night and comes home drunk, Jimmy—So doos your: Timmy—Who tolu y Jimmy—My papa mine! Timmy —My paa. marbles. u! Who told you about Cowe on and leu's play Quits a Marksman, Iate Field's Wasnington: Anxious parent —Jo Jonnnie doesn’t gat on woll with his studios! [ am afraid you tind him rather an aimiess boy. Teacher—Aimless!! You ought to have seen nim hit ma on thenose with an inkpot from the far corner of tho school-room yes- terday. Eddie's Exolanation. H. R. Maginley, ““Yes, the earth is moving always, 1zht and day, and day and night;' Said our Bddio to bis playmate, nd it is 10 more thau right ‘Phat it should be, for 1t ivhappenod To cease moving, suddenly, 1t would fly like space throu h lightoing And ve dashed to pieces, Seel’ No Wonder They Quarreled. “You and Charlie quarreled, I hear! “Yos.! “\What about?" “Hesnid he only wanted one vers little kiss when I bad balf a dozon large ones all ready for him,” A Marvtyr to Duty. Mothar (suspictously) I you haven't been in swimming how dia yoar bair get so wett Little Dick—That's perspiration —runnin’ away from bad boys who wanted mo to dis- by you an’ go in swimmin'! Not to Be ltepeatad to Un-le Z ke, *Papa, is my Uncle.&eke a good farmer “No, Dickey, He loaves his agricultural implomeits out in thg\Weather and thoy get all rustod.” ) (After @ prolonged/ montal struggle) apa, is that the WAy be got his toeth all rusted " )¢ Tho Amianle Xounger Sister. Munsey’s Weekly: ' ¥oung Sappy—Do you think Miss Amy will 8be down soon! Efie--I'm sure | hopo so, for really 1 find you an aw/fully bard man 10 en : Beating (h Drum, Harper's Bazar: (iPapa,” said Willie, as the bass drum weat by, “that wan ain't as strong as ne looks, 1s Bl “Idon't know. Why " +Ho doesu’t seem to-be able to break the box open.” vt Teacher asks a bright bo ounces are there to the pound " Bright Boy—That depends upon the groc “How many When the cherries on the orauches ara a fry- ing, And the sentries are a plodding In tho dirt, Aud tho sun our human flssh is mortifying O. 'tis then the gallant soldier swoats his shirt, While he tramps in 0 battalion for the la- dies, The thermometer 500 {n the sun, 1t you want o be prepared Lo freeze in hades, ‘I'bis kind of preparation yanks the bun. CHORUS, ‘Tt you want 0 ba propared to freeze in hades freeze iu bades, This kind of proparation yanks tho bun, To Avoid sSa pr Allments, _Driok Soteriaa Gioger Alo-Kxcelsior Springs Co's SOME ANONYMOUS HUMORISTS. Their Work is Shown in the Oity's Signs and Placards, SINGULAR AND STRIKING SENTENCES, Samples of Original Orthogranhy no Store Signs, Tombstones and Plaunung Banners-- \rguments for Compulsory Education, To the superficial and unobservant stroller, there is nothing to arrest one's attention in the partly vacant lot at the corner of Six- teenth and Dodge streets, designated in the enginect's plat of the city as block 6. The average saunterer can seo nothing but an ordiuary city lot overrun with a luxuriant growth of rank, noisome weeds, and 1n the back ground loom up In blank dreariness the time-worn walls of a few old ramshacklo buildings, relics of former days, whose uso- fuluess is so far departed as to be passed by in contempt even by the ubiquitous bill poster, They stand thers in the heart of the busy, bus tling city in all their deserted gloominess, the broken casements hang rotting upon the crumbling walls, and the doors swing creak- ing on the rusty hiuges, Mouuments of the pist, they sceta to gaze with jealousy on ' the magnificont piles rearing their graceful frouts around them, and to brood over the city. weighed down in sorrow for their departod greatness. But ‘‘venit sumna aies otineluctabile tempus,” yot a lit- tle while and this unsightly cluster of houses 50 long an eye-sore to the fastidious passer by will be swopt away, and Uncle Sam il Yeur instoad & splondid new postoftice, which bids fair to be the architectural wem of the city. Ip unticipation of this event and with a facetibus, sceming solicitude for the prop- erty of our Uncle, some of the wags in the neighborhood have erected a large sign boar- ing Lhe logend : acred to the Memory of Uncle Samj op OFf the Grass,” tting a large swath in the high weeds xtoenth strect, and ing o mound, grave-like in appearance, they have planted the sign aboveit. The reporter was attracted by tho humor and originality of tho thing, and stood around to ' see what effect it would produce oa those hurrying by. Several stately and dignitied matrons, who wero engaged in that most in- alienable of woman's rights —that favorite employment of the sex which is cenerally termed shopping, happened by, leisurely en- gazed in discussing “chailis at 12c per yard, and the decadence of cambric frilling.” " One of them caught sight of the sign a1d tried to attract her companion’s atteation,but in vain. Ignoring her entirely.they kept their tongues ing about the only thing that seems re- holly to occupy their dear httle minds One grieved to see their utter inability to catch the exauisite humor of the thing, and wus suficiently uncharitable to believe tho most sarcastic things that bave been said about the utter obiuseness of feminine na- tures to anything humorous. Who could re- frain from thinking that if those women were cast on a barren isiand togother taey would aiscuss a new fashion in fig leaves every day. Probably 200 persons passed by within an hour, Two well kept, urbane old gontlomen, re- tired merchants, out for tneir constitutional sauntored by leisurely. No sooner did tho younger cateh sight of tho siga than bis face wrinkled, and he broke out iuto a loud laugh, which somewhat startled his more staid com- panion. He pointed to the sign, und his friend read aloud, dwelling emphatically on each word, then turning with an injured Look, inguired: **Well, John, where's the joxe John started in to expluin, crossed Capitol aveaue they arguing it out. hat sign has been a cause of much merri- ment to many of the observant saunterers along Sixteenth street, during the past week and if the wags who placed it thero have no other recompense they may rest assurad thav tbey have caused much innocent enjoyment. On_Thirtesnth street near Chicago, is a laundry run by & moon-eyed son of the “Flowery Kingdom.” the window is a sign in almost undiscipherable hierogly phics : “Fail not in spite of much complaint To give Ab Sin his due: 1iis people live in mild restraint And mind their p's and queues.” A fonce in frout of a tombstone shop on Howard street has a grotesque sign which reads thus: 3 “Closing out at ‘greatly reduced prices. Call early aud secure a bargain.” Artemus Ward would turn green with envw coutd he sce some of the original orthozraphy gns which Haunt the breeze in the Bo- hemian district. “Piauters Supplys,” “Milkc for Sal,’ und nhundreds of others equally as phonetic and ludricrous greet vou where ere von go. One of the best things seen is in tho nvighborhood of Thirty-fourth and Cuming streets. In a deep pond isa poster which reads “Blank Brothers are Letting Down Prices.” Right under this some careful person, de- sirous o wurn boys of danger, has unwit- tingly posted a strip of board and crudely paiuted theroon : No Bottom.”” In front of a Douglas strect fruit stand 1s @ sign which runs: “Puirs e apiece, 3 for 15c. The owner, a swarthy son of suuny Italy, grow pugnacious and threatened to “usa & knifa ona damma reporta,” when guestiono about the import of the sign. i A Harney street dyer thus proclaims his business: live to dye, T dye to live.” On a neat little cottage on St. Ma nue is this: “This house forsale as soon as you can raise wind enough to move Ler.” Nowhere do the foibles and eccentricities in the in the and as they were heard “Bred Sole Her,” s ave- of poor humanity appear more than cpitaphs quant und curious found last rosting places. A philosopher or humorist turned loose in an ola grave yard would find moro food for lation than in the crowded thorough- 8 of & groat city. Both in the marhle that affection or re- s over silent sleepers, and in the inscriptions upon humble headstones, telling of the virtues of the deceased or preaching from silent lips sermons to the living, is there the samé vathetio appeal against ob- livion as though the slecpers in thelr graves still clung to tbeir buman Kinstip; still claymed sttention from the busy, bustling world above. Many cpitaphs, quaint and curious, are found in the cemewries around Oman. Many are intended to be serious. One of the most unique and and original epitaps 18 in a the road just beyond Fort Omabla, It is supposed to be the resting place of a desperado. Itisas torseas it is ambiguous. On a plain board is pai nted tho words “Gone Home,” and a crude hand with index finger extendad points towards o locality in which the great bonfiro is popu arly supposed to be crackling, thus: morse r lone grave on Gone Howe Out in Laurel Hill, down in a Little shaded dell, is o time-stained headstone 30 overrun with ivy that s very didicultto decipher tho opituphl, Itis tho tomb of a certain Lem Arles, & sculptor and a strewd business man who believea in advorusing. This is what he cut: o “Iere lies the body of Lem Arles' wife, He is & marble catter. This stone wus orested by him as a sample of his work and a tribute to ber memo You can order mon- uments atthe same siyle for 5)8." In u country buryine ground, a few niles from South Omaha, is & stous whiel thus facetiously und sententiously tells tho story wer ockey Roth lies buried hore, Tuo’ once he had both hale and stout; Death stretched bim on his vitter bier, And in another world bo bops wbout.” opulelire cemetery has a tomb with | prion: ur life is but & winter's day, omo breakfast and away ; Others to dinner stay and are well fea, The olaest man sups and goes o bed; Large is his debt Who liagers out the day Who goes tue soonost bas the loast to pay." Near by an affectionate, but unpoetic parent, gives his eherub sou's memory this short-lived joy Was my little boy; He's gone on bigh, So don't you cry." SCRED TIEART ACADEMY South 27th Street and St. Mary's Avenue, Omaha. Among the leading emy, stit Heart, und velopment of their puyy and children, painting nnd drawing r whose direction it s placed, omit no effort t) The course of studios adopt cation to n finished classioal « or Germun torm & part of the ordi i educational fnstitutes of tho city n Tth street, Th pils, and in this respect have given ge ALl 1 includes every branch fron Latin is tiught in all the higher Ary course, u¢ ording to the wish of 150 taught. The Academy {8 divided into fe Itu rms of which aro as follow Senior Classes Intermediate Cl Junior Classe: asses, Preparatory Classes . o . Ceaeiee Diffcrences in religion forn no obstacle to the reception of pupils, provided they conform 0 the exterior regulation of the school. The Scholastic Year Commences the First Tuesday in September. Classes begin at 9 a. m. and tho pupils are disniissod ot 3:0, Tt is the west. positions. Address at, finest, A thorough course of study und practic Bunking und Penmunship, speciaitios. Board furnished for work, or at #1 172 S RTLUE LR (RRTRTEL ) SHED 18713, . and our rates ave the lowest al teachers, Our gradu! 1 3o bost patronize ¥ be placed § 1vanco the me Short Hand, . Berchman's Acad Ladies of the Sacred tal and moral de- ction to both puarents m i elementary clussos, while French the parents. Musio pur departments, the 80.00 per year 60.00 per year 40.00 per year 20.00 per year BZEHONS, of any school In the Actual Business, nd are all in ood paying Rathbun, Ewing & Company, Cor. Capitol Avenue and 16th Stre et, Omaha, Neb. "HARNESS AT COST. Having d. ecided to closé out our Snadlo nnd Harness b we offer our entire stock of usinoss, HARNESS, SADDLES, WHIPS, NETS, ROBES Saddlery, Hardware 2, ete., at net cost. To those in need of goods in this line, an opportunity is now atforaed to secure first-class hund made goods ut lowest possi- ble prices. WELTY & NO CURE! NO PAY. GUY, 1316 FARNAM STREET. DrDOWNS 1818 Douglas Street, Omaha, Neb. THE ORIGINAL AND GENUIN tlar graduate in modicine Ay diplomas show nnd Private Disoases, A permanent eht Losses, Tmp T guarantce $:0) 1fe) sent free. Oftice hours CHICHESTER'S ENGLISH, RED CROSS ENNYROVAL reliable Ladiea, wk Drogeist for Chichester's Anglish 1 bater sealed with bl hor nprsteboan Lox " oulars, Te? o no other HICHESTER CHEMICAL Co. DIAMOND BRAND \uh© In stlll treating with the are guarantoed for Catarrh yphl rloture, and all so 1 undertake and fatl mtoS p.om. Sunday P for sale. nterfolta, At Druggists, or se nd Reller for Ludlen,” (n letter, by retiirn Moll. + Mndison Mqus PUILADELPHIA, PAL Palace Office Bullding ABSOLUTELY FIRE PRONE. NOT A DARK OFFICE IN THE BUILDING. 68 VAULTS. OF OMAHA. T11E_BEE BUILDING. INCANDESCENT TLECTRIC LIGHTS PERFECT VENTILATION NIGHT AND DAY ELEVATOR SERVICE. DIRECTORY OF OCCUPANTS: M.E. NAUGLE COMPANY, Telegraph Poles, | CI'UY TR L ote LORD, Real CITY COMPTROLLER. Cross Ties, Lumber. MUIR & GAY TTHE AMERICAN WA’ THE PATRICK LAN of Dundee Place. DR. B. B, BIRN DR. CHARLES ROST PROVIT SAVINC MASSACHUS! ANCE COMPANY, N'T. Contrac Kk Pavew ROBERT W, EQUITY COURT NO. TV COURT ISTERN MU NCE COMPANY CONNECTIOUT ANCE CONP. N MUTUAL PA HAR ANC MEAD | NY P Ll OIRD LIY COMPANY, VESTMEN IR & HOWARL J. L BLACK, Civil ARTERS, U HEADQ INT OF THE ADJUTANT GENERA INSPECTOR GENERAL JUDGE ADVOOATE CHIEL CaLEF COMMISSARY MEDICAL DIRECTOR HARTMAN & COLLINS, Water Plpe. LAMBERT SMITH, BEINDORVF, Ar CF ARTHUR JOUNSON, & I KEED PRINTING CO. U, 5 ARMY PK THE OMAHA PRESS OMAHA BEE COUNTING ROOM, Ad- vertising and Subseription Departmonts. R WORIKS COMPANY. VATE T8 MUTUAL LIFE PATRICK, Law Offices. MUTUAL 2 AND ANNULTY INSUR- | p,} COMPANY, slu PLATY DEPARTMENT COMMANDER QUARTERMAST ING OFFIORS, GROUND FLOOR: SURER, OMAIIA REAL ESTATE | . D ANTES, Rotunda Cl | WOMEN'S EXCHANG FIRST FLOO I SECOND FLOOR. 1) COMPANY, Owners IN CO.. Ke CHRISTIAN SCIENC ANGLO-AMERICAN COMPANY, BEE AU OF CLAI FLOOR. MANHATTAN ) E 3A Mc nd Thront. S LIFE, of New York: INSUR- THIRD tor for Street and Sido- LIFE 1 LW, L GALBRAITIL i AR S O UNITED 8 of Now York. E. W. SIMERAL. |1 PATTEN, Dentist, FOURTH FLOOR. TUAL LIFE INSUR- | P M. ELLIS, Architect W. SUEs & COM - Pateats HER 1 R Azent for E INSURANCE COM- | JOIN LETHEM, Publish OMAHA COAL EXCHAN EKENBERG, Fresec ALEX MOOItE BOHN SASH AND DOOK THE MEROHANTS RET AGENCY | GAY BROS, fioid, Minag STAPLETON LAND €O, FLOOR. OHLER PAYMASTER. PAYMASTER. ASSISTANT QUAKT INSPEOTO, CHIEF OF ORDNANCE ENGINEER OFFIC AIDES-DE-OAMP. ASSISTANT SURGEON, FLOOR. UNITED 8T, COMPANY, THE IME MENT DEA H. V. FI'TOU, Stenograpl L. O. NASH, Lo wns. | WA GOULD, Farms | HAMILTON LOAN AND i EDITORIAL ROO ur Iug, Sterooty ping and SEVENTH FLOOR BARBER SHOP, ), Tnsurance, MIRIC COMPANY, ASSOCIATION. R, Civil Engluoer. ARMY, D 13 O OF SUBSISTENCE, SIXTH Cast Tron Gus und | hitect Contractors. CLUB SOCIETY OF STATIONARY ENGINE Kol Esta TRMAST SMALL ARMS PRACTICR TES LOAN & AND TRUST €O gar Stand. Contractors. APH OFFICE. D TRUST CO. iE BUILDING. SURANOE 80- istute. SSOUIATION. IRTLGA & TRUST MS, NSURANCE COM- PMAN. LIFE INSURANCE CO,, PANY, Sollcitors ot United States Mutual tLisurane Company. « ) Palnter. und Loans, & 0. ALL COMMERCIAL of New York, K. A. Oves- R. INVESTMENT LER. er. TRUST 0, THE BEE, Compos- Malling rooms A few more elegant office rooms may be had by applying to R. W, Bake Superintend=nt, office on count ing room floor