The Nonpartisan Leader Newspaper, February 11, 1918, Page 17

. door ever sinst. EER Mistur Editur: We’ve broke camp, vamoosed, skid- ooed, stolen our tents an’ silently folded away—an’ left Denver. The decision to do this wuz arrived at a few daze after our last visit to the horspittal when, to our surprize an’ amazement, Crafty cums walkin’ into the hotel az spry az a spring chicken, an’ ordered a mobilizashun uv our forces an’ a decampment frum them parts. Az our camouflage had bin discov- ered by the enemy an’ the chances to incorporate the Leeg had becum nil we wuz glad to move our forces into fields uv greater activity. Not that thar wuzzent activity around thar, but it wuz all activity uv the Leeg, which maid things oninterrestin an’ stale, az it were, so to speak, for Crafty. So we retired to Slip an’ Dodgers’ room an’ Crafty unfolded to us hiz new plans. Theze plans, in short, wuz: That me an’ Stick shud go to North Dakota to help revive the anti-Lgeg organizashun which wuz born at Grand Forks nearly a year ago an’ at which cerimonies one Storm Wrack officiated az midwife. This little or- ganizashun, compozed uv a few soar- hedded politishuns an’ led by the Coal dust triplits uv Big. Biz, namely, the Grand Prongs Haireil, the Fargo For- whom an’ the. Bigbismarck Typhoon, haz bin in a precarious condishun ever since its burth. Nobody seams to know who the.daddy or mammy uv the little brat iz, but nurse Storm lade it on the farmers’ door step on a cold winter nite an? have bin tryin’ to git them to adopt it ever since. This the farmers have refused to do an’ the little devil took sich a bad cold that nite that its bin hoverin’ near deth’s So Stick an’ me. wuz to go up thar an’ see ef we cudn’t pull it thru deth’s door! I guess we will! ‘"CRAFTY PLANS TO PUT SOAP ON TRACK Dodger wuz to go to Montana an’ help organize a non-payin’ postdated check organizashun amung the bank- ers, while Crafty an’ Slipry wuz to go to Soo-City, Iowa, to plan a tour for Crafty Seeks an Ally From Lobster Bay BY I. B. RIPP, the Reporter ~ Big Shiny Fang uv Lobster Bay. He explained that he had an engagment at Soo City with one Zim Her Mann, frum sum place down in Kansas, who Wuz cumin’ up to help B. S. Fang fite the Leeg. “You see,” he sed, tossin’ his feet on the table an’ hangin’ a ring uv smoke az big az an auto tire on the chandelier, “the Leeg iz now startin’ its big campaign an’ we must scatter out an’ git into the strong holds an’ put soap on the tracks soze to slacken its dodrotted speed.” At this junckchure Dodger busted out in a big laf. - “What’s funny?’ sneered Crafty; turnin’ a scoulin’ mug upon him. ‘““You,” replied Dodger, calmly. “Why?” demanded the big boss, heetedly. “Bf I wuz a caitoonist, I'd show you why,” replied Dodger, helpin’ hizself to the seegars. We all sot in gsilence while Crafty chewed hiz see- gar vigerously. DODGER AGAIN GETS MR. CRAFTY'S GOAT ‘“Here’s what I'd do,” went on Dodger. “I'd pictchure you, Crafty, pourin’ soap on a railrode track. The soapbucket would be labled, news- papers, the soap-you’d be stringin’ along the track wud be lize. That'd be pictchure number one. The next pictchure wud show Townley pourin’ sand on your soap. The sandbucket would be labled Nonparteshun League an the sand wud be truth. Pictchure number three wud be the rear end uv the Nonparteshun Limited gradually fadin’ into the distance with Townley standing on the rear end givin’ you the horselaugh an’ you standin’ in the middle uv the track lookin’ like a fool, which wud be natural, Crafty— natural az life.” Crafty bubbled, sizzeled an’ frothed but to my amazement kep hiz Mun- sing on. “Well, what wud you do, Mr. Smar- ty?” he sed, sarcastically. “0, I’'m takin’ orders frum you,” replied Dodger, leanin’ back in hiz cheer an’ blowin’ a cloud uv smoke PAGE SEVENTEEN So we all retired to Slip an’ Dodger's room that only = needed the thunder an’ lightenin’ an’ the rane to make a reg- ular thunder storm, - “Well, take ’em an’ keep yer mug clozed,” snarled Crafty. ‘“It’s clozed,” retorted Dodger. “But I sed, KEEP it clozed,” snapped the big boss gittin’ riled. “All the time?” ast Dodger, inno- " cently. “Yes, all the time—all the dod- gasted time.” ‘“How can I talk to them bankers then?” Crafty jumped up an’ turned on Dodger like a bobcat turnin’ on a bull pup. “Now, jist button up yer shirt, Craft, an’ dont start ennything here that you can’t stop,” remarked Dodg- er, calmly. Crafty seed that thar wuz no use to try to bluff Dodger, so he sot down agin an’ took a fresh seegar outen the box and proseeded to con- tinue az follers, namely, towit: “Now az I started to say, I'm goin’ to Soo City to meet Zim Her Mann, to make arrangements fur a tour fur B. S. Fang, who’s cumin’ out here to give hiz reazons why the farmers shud not organize. This man iz sich a famous paytriot that everybody will listen to what he sez and do jist about az he orders them to do.” B. S. FANG NO ASSET FOR THE OPPOSITION This wuz more’n Dodger cud stand. He jumped up, groaned like a hoss with the collick an’ strided back an’ forth. across the floor like a restless hyena in a cage. Crafty looked at‘him ° in sullen silence fur a full minnit. Finally he roared: ‘‘What in the name uv the eternal €0smos cosmic ails you now, you ding- busted, soreheadded bare?’’ he said. ‘“Matter anuf, matter anuf!’’ snarl- ed Dodger, still pacin’ the floor. ‘“Crafty, you’re hopeless, absolutely ' an’ irredeemably hopeless,”” he finally said, coming to a stop with one hand . restin’ on the table an’ leanin’ over an’ lookin’ Crafty strait in the-ize. “Now,.keep still a minnit,”’” he sed, az Crafty begin preparin’ to com- ~mence to explode, “jist keep still a minhit an’ I’11 tell you a thing or two. In the first place I don’t think that man B. 8. Fang from Lobster Bay iz a paytriot. nuthin’ more an’ haz dun nuthin’ but shoot the administrashun in the back, which haz bin a habit uv hiz ever sinst the battle uv. San Juan, since the war started. I'm not sayin’ that the administrashun don’t need criti- cizen, so long az its constructive cri- ticizm, but B. S. Fang’s object is to further his own politickal fortunes an’ you know that an’ ever body else knows it an’ nobody wud ‘trust him ST He’s a “politishun -an’” . . EDITOR, az-fur az you cud throw a muley cow by the horn. To send him out to fite the Leeg wud be a boost fur the Leeg.” DODGER ADMITS CRAFTY IS BOSS OF THE SHOW Crafty started to but in, but Dodger waived a silincin’ hand. ‘““Not only so, but that feller, Zim Her Mann frum Kansas—why what bizness haz he got to cum up in South Dakota to fite the Leeg? He's got 2 - chance to do that rite where he lives, Lindsborg, Kansas. The whole country around Lindsborg where he lives iz almost solidly organized an’ Nonpar- tishun Leegers iz az thick around thar as black burds around a millet stack. Why not let him show hiz fitin’ abil- ity by killin’ it off furst at home?” Crafty wuz on hiz feet an’ shakin’ hiz fist under Dodger’s noze. . “Say, whoze runnin’ this battle, me -or you, now ansur me that?”’ “0O’ you air, uv course,” replied .Dodger, shruggin’ hiz shoulders an’ throwin’ up hiz hands in dispair. ‘“Well, let me run it then an’ stop interferein’ with my orders.” “I've quit,” sed Dodger, resignedly. “Then stay quit.” : Dodger smiled a sickly smile an’ sot down. Crafty studied a minnit, confused an’ stamerin’ly sed: “Well’ you’'ve all got your orders, now git bizzy,”” an’ the seance clozed az suddenly az it started. Yours trooly, become 3 : RIPP. (To be continued in a subsequent edition.) : A POLITICIAN’S FRAME-UP \ Maynard, Minn. Editor Nonpartisan Leader: Enclosed - find clipping from the Maynard News. The editor of this paper ‘tried to make it appear that dis- loyal :candidates for office are backed by -the Nonpartisan league. I joined the League last summer and am proud of the fact. I don’t care to be accused of backing men disloyal to this gov- ernment. - Please print an answer to | this clipping in your papers. Y ; FRANK EMBREE. In giving circulation to charges that the League is-disloyal, the Maynard News lines itself up squarely as the foe of the farmers, and willing to re- -.peat any falsehood that the politicians ~think will help them keep their grip on the people. Charges ' that the League has in any way backed disloy-- | alty were invented without foundation | by politicians of Minnesota and North ' Dakota, - who ' feared the - organized - farmers would overthrow them.—THE |