The Nonpartisan Leader Newspaper, September 20, 1917, Page 12

e e s e SO e == S Old Dobbin in Retrospect ; There’s a monstrous automobile in my former private stall, and inner tubes, with‘‘blow-outs’’, hang in festoons on the wall ; there’s a heap of fractured gearings where I used to have my oats, and my harness peg is laden with bespattered rubber coats. Dead bat- teries are legion where my manger used to stand, and there’s junk of all descriptions piled about on every hand; there’s a tank of liquid odor where my trough of water stood—there’s a vivisected engine, and a relegated hood! My place in local gossip has been purloined all away—there’s a ‘‘honk-honk’’ on the highway where there used to be a neigh; the horse fair’s been abandoned, and the livery barn’s for sale, and the ‘‘jockey’’ and the ‘“‘trader’’ both have hit the ‘‘yellow trail’’! The only job that’s left me now to earn my daily ‘‘squares”’, is toting heavy wagon-loads of ‘‘extras’’ and ‘‘repairs’’! AND STILL HOEING! When the League first appeared, It was taunted and jeered; They reached for its beard, From the money-bag row! How the plutocrat leered, With a countenance weird, Till his eye-balls were seared, At the novelty show! But ’twas carefully reared, And ’'twas properly geared, : And it couldn’t be queered i By his braggadocio. Ah, ’twas skillfully steered, Though the Gang interfered, For it soon became feared, By the Ring, don’t you know? But no matter who sneered, ‘Why, the farmer HE cheered— And the decks have been cleared By the man with the hoe. * » * MISS RANKIN'S SHOWING-UP OF JOHN D. RYAN, PRESIDENT OF THE COPPER TRUST, REVEALS THE FACT THAT ALL OF THESE HERE JOHN DS NEED WATCH- ING. * * *) “Where'd you get the small- pox?” asked the cricket of the spider. “Don’t know,” replied the spider, “unless | caught it on the fly.” » * » A GIFT A clever guy, Is Henry Bends, He borrows from His closest friends. * * * THE DIFFERENCE The city man who stays home and raises garden truck for the boys at the front is doing his patriotic bit— sure. We' can’'t all go. Yet, it does seem that the trenches require the greatest possible amount of patriotism. The two jobs can hardly be put on the same footing. The man hoeing tur- nips would soon quit hoeing if a neighbor was hid behind a tree shoot- ing at him, * * * This happened since the bone dry law went into effect. A North Dakota farmer telephoned down to the express office: “Has a box of books come for me?” “Yes, and | wish you'd come down and get them right away,” was the express agent’s reply. “One of them has broken and they're leaking all over the place.” i * * * { One peculiarity of war-time prices is that while aeroplanes are constantly going up, merchant _ ships are constantly going down. J.E.T. German measles can hardly be con- sidered a patriotic contagion, and we really should have some scruples about eating Dutch cheese. »* * * THE BALL PLAYER IS ABOUT THE ONLY MAN WHO WOULD RUN AROUND A DIAMOND ALL DAY WITHOUT PICKING IT UP. * * * UNNATURAL HISTORY The average giraffe is very nar- row minded. : An elephant never has to check his trunk. If an anteater ate an uncle it would make him sick at the stom- ach, A grasshopper starts hopping as soon as he gets up in the morning. * * * HE LIKELY WENT ‘I'm off to war!” the youth exclaimed, “You're cruel, but won’t you say, That way down in your heart of hearts, with you you wish I'd stay?” “Ah, no indeed!” the maid replied, “To war I bid you go— For I have read what Sherman said war really is, you know!” . * * » HERE’'S HOPIN’! You boost the Red Cross— Yet a copper mine boss! Ah, Ryan, ah Ryan—you're lyin’! A “Rustlin’ Card” system— Ah, that’s how you list ’em— And Ryan, they're dyin,’ they're dyin’! ‘We know you're a whopper, Big Injun in copper, But Ryan, don’t think us just guyin’, ‘When we tell you Miss Rankin May give you a spankin'— For, Ryan, she's tryin’, she tryin’! » * » POWDER MAGAZINES ARE NOT THE ONLY MAGAZINES CONTAIN- ING EXPLOSIVE MATERIALS. *® * * Watch wheat for kinghead! Watch Europe for the same foreign substance after the war! A good many over there would like to get rid of this ob- noxious pest. » » * It is too bad that the man who makes his living by cutting cord- wood in northern Minnesota is not also in position to cut the profits of the middlemen. * * » FOOD SAVING Little Jack Horner Sat in a corner Eating a Hoover pie; He stuck in his thumb And pulled out one plum, ‘What was left you could stick in your eye. The Generous Millers Considerable praise has been handed the big millers in certain of the daily papers because of the fact that they are willing to limit their profits on flour to a sum which figures up about two dollars per barrel. It will be remembered that the recent convention of farmers elevator directors and managers in Fargo passed a reso- . lution that the profits per barrel to the millers should be limited to 50 cents net. In the light of that discussion and the showing of profits possible on a year’s business at even 50 cents per barrel the conclusion is forced upon us that the mills in limiting their profits to $2.00 per barrel have been very generous—to themselves. By the time Mr. Hoover and his as- sistants in the food control bureau have gotten as well acquainted with the grain combine as the average farm- or is they will learn to “beware of the Greelks when the come bearing gifts.” ~—HARVEY (N. D.) JOURNAL. ADVERTISEMENTS - Edison’s Very Latest New Diamond Amberola HOMAS A. EDISON is the inventor of the phonograph. With his wonderful diamond stylus reproducer, he has made it possible to reproduce the artist’s, voice or instrumental rendition with aston- ishing fidelity. Music critics say that the Amberola is not a “talking- machine” but a real musical instrument. No Neeles to Change With his diamond stylus, MR. EDISON has done away with the bother of changing needles. The library of Amberola records embraces the very best in the world of music. The great artists, the latest popular melodies and dance music. Tear Off Coupon and Mail Today Kindly mail me literature and list of records for the NEW EDISON DIAMOND AMBEROLA NI @y S A Tt ST T8 s via e meiala e e blara s a s s Address.ivececcessssssssresas teeesssetssstcsssenene (It is understood that this does not place me under any obligation to buy.) e e Stone Piano Company FARGO, NORTH DAKOTA and pea mill. This machine separates, cleans and grades all kinds of grain. Now is the time to get a JUMBO to clean your grain. dles all kinds of grain, flax and grass seed. A perfect cockle Separates wild oats from wheat and barley, mustard from flax; then it is ready for feed or market: farmer should have clean seed. Do not buy a cleaner before getting full particulars from us. Direct, from manufacturer. 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The management of this bank for 25 years have paid particular attention to the farmers’ needs. Weé know your wants. Write us or call and see us when in need of cur services. Scandinavian-American Bank FARGO, N. D. CYLINDERS REBORED And fitted with larger pistons and rings. We weld and machine every- thing. Satisfaction guaranteed. Phone or write us when in a hurry for your work, Dakota Weld’g & Mfg. Co. 203-4 Fifth St. Fargo, N. D. PAGE THIRTEEN T T Han- Every MINNEAPOLIS, MINN., Do You Realize That One Little Classified Ad Talks to 110,000 Subscribers to theLeaderEach Week Take Advantage of It Mention Leader when writing advertisers ettt b e S o S A