The Nonpartisan Leader Newspaper, September 13, 1917, Page 13

HOW IT HAPPENS You see, it's this way: Sometimes the editor of a daily paper does not sense the strength of a new movement in time to follow his conscience over to that side; when too late he realizes his lost opportunityy; he can’t then be *“fur” it, so, putting two and two to- gether, he decides the next best thing to do for his subscription list is to try to champion the cause of the shattered remnants of opposition, and be “flat agin it.” » » » ‘When John Baer was postmaster out at the county seat of Golden Valley county, patrons of that office thought he was about the only pebble on the Beach. & * * * AN OVERDRAWN CHECK IS PROBABLY AS OBJECTIONABLE TO A HORSE AS IT IS TO A BANK,; BOTH HAVE A KICK COMING. * * * THE STATEMENT OF THE NEW CONGRESSMAN FROM NORTH DAKOTA IS FULL OF BAER FACTS. » * » 3 4Guild-y or not Guild-y?” asked Judge N. D. Farmer in the case N. P. League vs. The Fargo For-whom.” “Guild-y!” said the forman of the people’s jury, where- upon the “For-whom” showed a Black countenance. * * * “Save the vegetables,” says the Grand Forks (N. D.) Hecrald in an editorial —but it says nothing about saving the $55,000,000 a year that the grain ring plunders every - season in North Dakota. . » » * PATRIOTISM The patriotic railroads - are patching up the leaks in their box cars and get- ting ready to patriotically deliver the grain crop over to the patriotic millers, who are going to patriotic- ally mill it and sell it to the un-patriotic farmers and working people at a price that will prove how well patriotism pays. * * * TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE Some Minneapolis bank- ers and South St. Paul live- stock dealers, gathered to devise ways to help con- serve the food supply, sug- gested that one way would be to give every farmer 30 days in jail for burning straw stacks—more work for ‘the P. S. commission and a new kind of break- fast food! * » * Governor Burnquist of Minnesota recently took a pleasure tour through the lake region, determined to Xeep his identity a secret s Ain’t it annoying to be great? » L 2 ¥ 1LOUIS W. BILL WENT WITH THE TWIN CITY NAVAL RE- CRUITS TO THEIR TRAINING STA- ¥IONS ON THE GREAT LAKES. DO ¥YOU SUPPOSE HE KIND O’ HANK- ERED TO KEEP RIGHT ON GOING WITH THE BOYS? # » » Mr. Black’s paper is . well named “Forum”: For whom in- deed? Certainly not for the farmer. = E3 » WHEN IT HELPS Elbert Hubbard once made the following remark: “In order to avoid unkind criticism, say noth- Ing, do nothing, be nothing.” “That being the case,” says the L.ague,‘ “bring on another dish of that there unkind criticism!” * * * IF YOU KILL THE SOW THISTLH EARLY ENOUGH IN THE SBASON YOU CAN AVOID THAT LITTER or * to break the prairie sod!” In one sense the Nonpartisan league is driv- ing oxen—it is turning new political sod. It is well to remember that, for we are apt to allow ourselves, to think that we are merely driving the mule and the elephant! * * * “The mills of the gods grind slowly -” Hold on a minute there; surely there are no “hold-overs” in the Celes- tial Senate! » * * MUNICIPALLY-OWNED ELEC- TRIC LIGHT PLANTS INVARIABLY ARE ABLE TO CUT DOWN THE “CURRENT” EXPENSES OF THE PEOPLE. * * » The President of the United States seems to have greater faith in Doctor Ladd than does the president of the board of regents. Rather impudent of Woodrow, isn’t it? ¢ » » » ‘“Immutable Lafe” Young has now taken to grieving in advance over the possible fate of Minnesota Standpat- ters, and says that the prophets have it that there will be seventy-five thou- sand Leaguers in Minnesota by Decem- ber first! Handwriting, handwriting— that blamed wall will soon have to be “re-papered”’! THAT’S THE WAY WITH SOME PEEPUL— IT’S NEVER RIGHT WHEN THEY ARE NEXT TRAIN. TO REW FRISCO AT HS? AM. ON TIME. T0oT. || \WHY DIDNT ] [THAT TRAIN Sror? HORNER' UP TO DATE Little Jack Horner sat .in the corner eating his wheatless meal: 44ts not what | like,” said the game little tike, “but, golly, how bully | feel!” Then he felt for a rib through his cute little bib, but Jack was as fat as a seal. “The boys in the trenches who are helping the Frenchies. have need of the bread that’s a cinch—ma calls me a Tar- tar, but here goes a martyr—Jack Horner is game in a pinchl” - » » [ TRY THIS ON YOUR G CREAM SEPARATOR formsa ; into effect, the local demand for E::finxunnwandmamm- fors has Increased enormously. As myoneknows,theflavormg vanilla and lemon, run about 5 per cent alcohol, but the flavor is 80 strong that omly the most hardened poozers with east-iron stomachs an have been able to stand them, now some wise guy has discovered g E ] % g H THE MIDDLEMEN A farmer raised a peck of boarder ate a wheated loaf way wheat beside the River Dec; a down in Tennessee; the loaf the boarder fed upon cost half as much and more as did the farmer’s peck of wheat a month or so before. ‘‘Now why is this’’, the boarder raved, ‘‘they hold me up on bread?’’ ‘‘And why is wheat 80 bloomin’ cheap?’’ the plodding farmer said. . A guy beyond the Rocky Ridge raised twenty pounds of limes ; another guy in old New York was kicking on the times, for he had downed a glass of ‘‘ade’’, and, poor forlorn galoot, had paid one half the market price of twenty pounds of fruit: ‘‘Now why is this, they soak me thus fo why’’, exclaimed the orchard ma r this wee sip of ‘ade’?’’ ‘‘And n, ‘‘am I so poorly paid?”’ Now hold your horses steady there, you jay beside the Dee; go easy there, you hungry guy in sunny Tennessee; restrain yourself, you orchard man, forbear this angry talk, and you be- side the soda fount in Little Old Noo Yawk ; Remember this: Our food and drink, no matter where and drink of THIRTY MIDDLEMEN ! that by running the extract through a cream separator the alcohol and the flavor can be separated. Another advantage of this method that occurs to us is that if the farmer runs his milk through the separator after he has just run through a bunch of vanilla extract, it won’'t be neces- sary to do anything but to freeze it to make fine vanilla ice cream. » ES » ONE DRY SPOT This happened in a North Dako- ta city before Bill Langer had been elected attorney general. A Minne- apolis lawyer came to the city to try a lawsuit. He was used to his mornin’s mornin’, a little appetizer before meals, a night cap and a few in between times to keep the others company. Feeling thirsty and not knowing the ropes of the town, he 175 NoNE T'm -.wa::u TO FLRG IT 1 RAYONE 13 GoiN on r?fnnp WHY JEND To AFRIOR For LVORY WHEN WE HAVE So muyc AT Hone. Drawn by “Billican” especially for the Leader remembered that he had once met the mayon So he called on the mayor and requested to be shown where he might purchase a drink. “Come with me,” said the mayor and led him to the window. “Do you see that big, brewn building up two blocks, on the corner?”’ “You mean that big building with a steeple?” asked the thirsty one. ¥Yes, | see that, but it looks like a church. Surely | can’t get a drink In there?” — “No”, said the mayor, “but it’s the only place in town where you ocan't” * #* #* “Mention 12 animals of the polar yegions,” said the examination ques- tlon. The student frowned awhile and wrote: . *8ix seals and six polar bears.” ¢ » * » ‘ASSORTED H. C. OF L. To market, to market, to buy a fat hen, Beat it home, beat it home, never again. ' —Macon Telegraph. To market, to market, to buy gasoline— PAGE THIRTEEN and when, must also be the food J.E. T. Brought home a pint, but left my ma- chine. —Judge. To market, to market, to buy me some spuds— I mortgaged my flivver and wifey's spring duds. 5 —Associated Advertising. To market, to market, to buy wife a hat, Home again, home again, pocketbook flat. —De Laval Monthly. To market, to market, to sell my spring wheat— Uncle Sam’s lowered prices; again I got beat, * * * THE WAR HAD A BIRTHDAY RECENTLY, BUT NOBODY WISHED IT HAPPY RETURNS. * » * “Millers view with favor the published plans of the food ad- ministration and ex- pect a steady, remun- erative business dur- ing the coming crop year,” says the North- western Miller, offi- cial organ of the grain gang. Then, why should anybody else kick? * * * PROVED Produce- handlers and jobbers and papers de- voted to their interests are putting up a terrific fight against Governor Whit- man’s food control bil in New York, which indicates that it probably had con- siderable merit. * * * WHO WAS IT SAID THE BACK-BON}E OF AN ARMY IS A WELL FILL- ED STOMACH? SOUNDS IRISH. ki el WE ALL THINK THAT OUR NEIGHBORS OUGHT TO PRACTICH ¥FOOD CONSERVATION. * * * WHO SHUFFLES WHEAT? A professional poker player, who made big ‘money trimming “suckers,” also liked to play the races, but after a visit to the race track he generally went home broke. His wife ask- ed him, one night: “How is it that you al- i ways come home after playing poker with lots of money, but when you've been playing the races, you always come home broke?” -And the gambler answered: “I can’t shuffle the ponies.” FARMER IS GETTING WISE The American Economist, organ of the American Protective Tariff league, testifles by its emphatic disapproval to the wisdom of the North Dakota farmers who elected John M. Baer to congress. It says: ‘“He has been a Free-Trader heretofore—that fact does not seem to have injured him in the estimation of the North Dakota farm- ers who make up the membership of the Nonpartisan league.” The Public tritely says: “There is no reasom why it should. Farmers have voted long enough for protective tariffs to in- crease the prices of what they buy, while the prices of what they sell are fixed in the markets of the world. It was to their interest to elect a repre- sentative opposed to continuation of a fraud and a robbery; and who more- over will insist that - the financial burdens of the war be put on the shoulders best able to bear them,”— STOCKTON (CAL.) MAIL. )