Lakeland Evening Telegram Newspaper, February 21, 1913, Page 2

FAGE TWO. rd I'HE EVENING TELEGRAM, LAKELAND, FLA, aEORGE GOULD AND HIS FAMILY ) ? % ~Topyright Underwaad & Und This Interesting photograph of George Gould and his family was taken just after the marriage of bis sister, Helen, to Mr. SBhepard. The two girls are, from left to right, Gloria and Edith JUST A PRflFESSflR And He Was a Dry Man Outside and In, Never Getting Ex- cited. By BRYANT C. ROGERS. Professor Bascomb was a dry man =very dry. He wasn't dry for want of water, lemonade, root beer or lager. He could bave quenched most any thirst by stepping into a saloon and saying to the barkeep: “Whew! Is this hot enough tor you? Bet ‘em up again, old man" It was that the professor's attitude was dry. He was dry outside and in. He never got excited. A presidential election was no more to him than a lo- cal dog fight. He never gossiped. He mever took up frivolous questions, such as the tariff on lamb chops. He bad few acquaintances, and those he forgot to bow to half the time. Professor Bascomb was just a pro- fessor. He filled the chair of natural Bistory at the state college at Iuka and given the leg of a grasshopper he eould tell in what period of the world he lived and dicd and why he never got to be a clam or a coon On his arrival at luka the professor was offered board and lodging and all the comforts of home at the Wood- | I YOU ARE MARSHALL who never : All classes of buildings co § residences built by this tirm a make good ¢ MARSHALL ¢ 228 bBlue §t P’hone 6‘:-:':' STOROIAIOINIGIONOIO D THINKING OF & SANDERS The 0Old Reliable Contractors Who have been building houses in Lakeland for “FELL DOWN" or sonable rate, and he installed himself lhpn» would have been the same to him had the cottage heen named the Ox Tail Dive. He didn't care mnch about his room, his food or his bed. | There was one other thing the pro fessor didn't care much about at the Woodbine, and that was Miss Joy Mar ton. Miss Joy was thirty-seven years old and still heart-free. She and her ' mother owned the Woodbine. They made it a rule to take one gentleman | boarder from the college, and every time the old boarder went and a new one replaced him the town .mflnn predicted that Miss Joy would succeed in her fall designs. That is, of course. ]Mnn collage al whal seemed & @ & she would lasso him and lead him to the matrimonial altar While Professor Bascomb was dry ——very dry—Miss Joy was girly and | kittenish and romantic. She wanted | to read and talk of knights and chev- allers and squires and dames and ab- ducted maidens. Professor Bascomb wanted to talk about the dodo and the mammoths. Where was the eommon ground? Miss Joy wanted to read and weep ' over “The Sewing Machine Girl.” The professor wanted to catch and examine the hearts and lungs of bats land crickets. Why, if they met on the { street the professor was as apt to ad dress her as Mrs Perking or Miss Schemerhorn as by her right name They did not lack more than a mile S5 D PO I:I'llllllX(;_ Skl =2 vears, and failed to give satistaction., ntracted for. The mm\ tine re evidenees of their ability to SANDERS b B BB O Pl S OGO Pt e S T i e o SN OBOS O b 54 ‘GARS | A. H. T. CIGAR CO. Lakeland, Florida 290 Blue. & He didn’t care about the name. | or T‘o 3 lmm. us i'ar apart as the Poles Without admitting that Miss J. ever had any designg upon the professor, it may be stated that at the end of six months the girl mused to herself: “I give him up. He I8 fmpossidble. He will never come witltin 40 rods of being a hero He would see rats eat me un and not come to the rev-ue.” All of this was very natural in & weary old mald Three or four days later at the din- ner table, where the protessor seldom spoke at all, he suddenly sald: 1 see that there s to be a circus In town.” Gasps of astonichment from mother 'and daughter. Gasps that there was to be a circus, and gasps that the pro fegsor had referred to it “And I think we'll attend.” Gasps of the gaspingest kind. “Yes, | want you both to go with me. Had Professor Bascomb suffered a sunstroke? The women turned pale as they looked from him to each oth- er. “1 don't care much about the circus part of it, but I should like to study the animals, particularly the lion. Per haps 1 shall be able to give you some | information you have never acquired.” No, mother and daughter did not know the lion very well. They had heard him spoken of as the king of beasts, but with at fifty cents a dozen, and butter po with nine linrs {n the United States to one truthteller, they had ta ken only a passing interest In Leo The day they stocd before the cage of the kan garoo the professor musingly said “Australia i1 the true home of the | kangaroo He is not a flesh-eating ani | mal, and will not attack man unless [ driven to the wall You may wonder at the length of his hind legs Why wasn't he created to run on four legs i the same as a wolf?” { Miss Joy looked at her mother, and Ihey bad her mother leoked at lier [ run a bearding honse for the 3 s, but it had [ them to ask the | hare | alertnes ind feetpess foes. Thus it comes about tha | zait s by leaps and bounds, an br standing up on their hind legs can look for theh enemies™ | “Mother, did you «ver'™ asked Miss i Joy as she drew a long breuath “No, daughter. | aever dig'” l solemn reply “The tail of a dog or cat s merely ornamental Behold the tail of the kangaroo' It is a cushion on which he sits. It assists him to rise in o hurry It acts as a rudder to sicer | { him when leaping through the air jf | driven to defend himself he uses claws was the und tail One blow of the tail uu break a man's ribs or leg” “Just think of that mother'*™ gasp'd Miss Joy “Yes, I am thinking of 1t, daughter!™ | “Kangaroo meat 1s not among the delicacies,” sald the pro- fessor, “but it Is very putritious. In fact, one pound of it has more nutri- ment in it than a pouud and a quarter of Chicago beef, and at half the cost. It is a wonder to me that American capitalists have not arraunged to im- port oo meat.” “It they would only arrange, moth- er!” sighed Miss Joy as she remem- bered the price of the last beefsteak. “Perhaps the Democratic party will bring it about,” replied the mother At this moment a stranger who had been listening to the wise talk butted In by asking the professor: st ag much per ! and the hour came and as | ranked | { FEB. 21, 1913 ] | ~“P\ Jou~tay (hat Kangaroo could | krock a man gally west with a blow of ' s tail?” “Yes, sir.” “Gosh all hemlock! Say, don’t you think the bird could be taught to use his tail as a plile-driver?” “ladles—ahem—we will now pass on to the king of beasts,” was the evasive reply. | “Mother, what 1s a pflo-dflm?‘“ whispered the daughter. “It's a machine they use to drive money out of a college student when | he's behind on his board!” WATCH THIS WINDOW Every Woeek For the fine display of Clothing Made by Hart Schaffner & Marx. The pyy that comes south of the Maso, & Dixon line. |We guarantee every that we put out. Also Arrow Brand Shirts and O, Socks. Have just received our spring « ment of Bonar Hats. Don’t forget that we handle 1, class made-to-order clo,hing mac; -, Strauss Brothers, Chicago. The Hub JOSEPH LeVAY 118 Kentucky Avenue “Leo, the lion, has been written about by hundreds of hunters and nat- uralists,” began the professor as they came to the proper cage, “and yet we do not know him as he is. He is a beast of moods. One day he will at- tack a man with great flerceness. The next he will flee from him. By nature Meat is his sole t. and his appetite demands at least rty pounds per day. A full grown i has been known to devour the bet «r half of an ox in one night.” sSuppose we had one for a board- er? gasped Miss Joy. ‘Lord! Lord!” almost wailed the mother Suit he 18 carniverous. die ‘Man is the only living thing the lion fears, and not always him,” said the professor. “It is asserted that if nan will look Leo steadily In the eves for three or four minutes—" He broke off there to draw himself up and fold his arms and stare at the beast with a scowl, wrinkling his fore- head. Leo stood it for about forty seconds. Then with a growl and a roar he plunged against the bars with such force that they zave way and he sprang down upon Mise Joy. 1 “Run! Run! The lion is loose!" There was a wild scattering. Mrs. Morton fainted away and fell to earth, but the professor never turned a hair. The Mon crouched down and laid a pay on his victim and growled. “The tall of a lion is not the tall of a kangaroo,” sald the professor as he stooped down and clutched it. “Never- | theless, 1t is capable of sustaining | great weight when used--thus!” And next moment he had lifted th.! beast from the ground as a boy might | 4 cat and was swinging him in a eir- ' cle. There were vells and cheers and crfes of “hoid him!" and presently the ' circus people came running with ropes and Leo was thrust l;nomlnoully buck into his cage. \lies Joy wasn't hurt, her mother ro~ Lakelang , Where Can You Get Them" 1913, by the McClure News- paper Syndicate.) covered from her faint, and prol’enor lascomb war a hero. Miss Joy man- aged fo tell him 8o, and though he called her Mrs. Calhoun and Mrs. Woodhouse and got things badly mix- ¢d up, she understood that he was also popping the question and she replied yes. «Copyright, Foolish Fly, ! Thia is told for a true story by Tom | MeNeal: ’ In a certain town tn western Kan- ,nu, whose name 18 withheld for ob | vious reasons, there was a hotel which l was as near the limit, perhaps, as any place that ever masquernded under the name of a place where a traveler | could get food and lodging On onpy | occasion a man who was looking the ! | country over stopped at the hotel fo | dinner. The meat was a few pleces of | fat salt pork swimming in erease: tha { bread was a batch of biscuits go hard | that vou couldn’t break one with a hatchet. and the butter was as strong cheese. The Here at this drug store. [If the doctor - you need a certain'instrument or appliancc (1Mt right to this store— we have it. Red Cross Pharmic Quick Ddln Phone 89 v as limburger stranger - — ( was hungry, but not near enough to! 4 starvition to be able to eat anvthing S | that on the table As he sat'! { looking over the board with dispust a} e e e R e [ Iy alighted in the half-melted butter. ! . & The stranzer carcfully helped the flyf DD o [out of its trouble and, as he watched | it erawl feclly away id” "I know what's the matter with you You're | feeble-minded Any insect that has wings to fly with that will loaf ‘round Smlth dc‘ Su All hinds of Kansas City lourral Awful Effect of the f"(w Dances | & R E A E S T ; ott, n‘ s l Scc s hr ROSYDALE erc FALE ! .".:,“u-ll ver he ad- lz.! ¢ AN DTOEOIO LD PO e cally ia his writ ing the ts as other | fthe av sas City | * Hew society * one for | asked the | woOGO00 other div i 1 t blush any more. she renliod Oh ves on g pinch.” And then she pinched her cheek to prove it Dccn & f’.r\ ant Building IOV IQOVQVOK dances got how t 128 0BOTOTOFO0 1< i Q30 LOFIEOBOBLFOTOTOTD llw Model Hardwarg Meet and Remarry on Train ! John P. Steiller of Sun Antonso, | Texas, med s one time wife, Mrs | Olive Steiller, ¢n a Missouri, Kansml | & Texus southbound train at Hills boro and they were remarried on the | speeding train The couple intended | to stop off lon: enouzh to ge: ai preacher. but the I was late, no‘ I County Jadge Stephonson was in ‘,|1|r- d to miecet the train and officiate g Just received car load of “BUCI\A Wire Fencing and a car foad of Su’ ; Bath Room Fixtues. Give us a call ‘™ be convirced that our prices are ric Tin® | R ~1 l F reckled Gnrls' It is an absolute fact. that one 50 cent jar of WILSON'S FRECKLE CREA\I\ will either remove your freckles or cause | them to fade and that two JJTS will even in the most severe eases completely ure them. We are wiliing to pers y guarantee this and to return your m my without argument if your ¢ xion not fully restored toits natural b(uuty. WILSON’S FRECI\LE CREA Xl~ fi“e * et {The Model Hardware (0 not make hair grow b at \\x.l pos PHONE 340 V remove TAN, PIMPLES and FPECI\ ' LES. Comein today and tryit. The jars 25c. For sale by & . ALLDRUGQBTS OO0 0S00 A complete stock of Fui'ders’ always on hand. A" | 'tmbingand '" ning Guaranteed. [ v ciock of pord ware and Furniture. arelarge and results absolutely certain, ’ Slcn! byhmmlsifogcs‘nvrfg oPm { Mammoth jars SON’S F. SKIN SOA&P el