Evening Star Newspaper, June 21, 1931, Page 79

THE SUNDAY STAR, WASHINGTON, D. C, JUNE 21, 1931, WOMEN WHO “Can’t Afford” A HUSB The Main Trouble Is, Says Dr. Charles Francis Potter in This Remarkable Interview, That Most Men Are Not as Modern as Most Women, for Though Men Have Modern Ideas About Business, They Cling to Old Ideas About Women and Regard Them Not as Persons, but as Property to Give Away or Keep. By A. A. PRECIADO. N the opinion of Dr. Charles Francis Potter, the founder of the First Humanist Socicty in New York, women are today asking themselves whether or not they can afford a husband. Economic reasons have im- pelled them to wonder whether or not it is good business to be burdened with a man about the house. “Modern cities are full of young and early middle-aged women who are unmarried, inde- pendent and earning their own living, fre- quently a very good one,” says Dr. Potter, who has preached in the heart of New York for & number of years and is a student of sociology and kindred sciences. “Some of these are unmarried because they have never had a chance to marry. Perhaps the young man who would have married them was in France or in training camp at the time the mating would have occurred. For there are many young men whose lives were so interrupted by the war that they have never dared to ask a young woman to share the precarious conditions of married life withcut an assured income. “Put on a practical dollars-and-cents basis, many young married women have discovered with chagrin that whereas when they were earning their own living before marriage they always had a few dollars in their purses to b s seems to take it for granted that he is the head of the house and the one to decide what shall come first when purchjses are to be made. She naturally considers the house, the inside of it at least, as her domain, but she finds him querulous or lacking in enthusiasm when she surprises him with new curtains or furniture or even some little appliance for the kitchen. 0 “It seems to be all right for him to order new hose for the garden without consulting her, but all wrong for her to purchase a new chair for the bedroom without his permission. “There are many happy marriages, it is true, where man and wife both have their own jobs and share the cost of the home; and many others where the husband’s income is put in a joint account accessible to beth; and still others where a carefully worked-out budget recognizes the rights of both partners in the marriage. v/’ P - e ST “Along with the chivalry complex he will probably have an idea that a wife is supposed to lay out a clean shirt for him each morning, send his linen to the laundry and have his slippers and dressing gown ready for him at night— in short, to act as his valet.” spend for little ‘extras,’ conditicns are sadly different after marriage. Their purses have only small change, where before there had been crisp, new bills. “They hesitate to ask their husbands for money, even for necessities. Their previous state of self-support bred in them a sense of independence which makes repugnant any financial dependence on any one else. 11T seems like capitulation to the old masculine dominance of the former system before woman fought her way to the recognition of woman's rights. Financial dependence was the club which man long held over the head of woman to ‘keep her in her place.’ “But with many disappointed wives it is not so much the empty pocketbook which causes them chagrin. They realize that the man’s salary can sometimes be made to cover even the regular monthly bills only by painful stretching and petty economies. He goes with- out many things himself which mean as much to him as the ‘fripperies’ mean to her. “Little luxuries which he enjoyed before he became a benedict have to be foresworn in order to pay the rent and the grocery bill— or the restaurant charges. So she makes allow- ance for the mutual sacrifices that they must make in order to live together. “What irritates her more tham her empty purse is her husband’s general M:.tltude. He e 1"UT such homes are comparatively few, and many a girl who considered her husband-to-be a very fair-minded and pro- gressive young man discovers after she is his wife that he is surprisingly old-fashicned in his views about family finances and even more so about the place of woman in a modern menage. “So the unmarried young woman looks long at her unhappily married friend and decides that marriage costs too much, or at least that the risk is too great. “It is becoming increasingly evident that the question—Can a modern woman afford a hus- band?—must be answered by saying she can if he is a modern husband. She can be assured of happiness only if he is as modern as she is. And he frequently isn’t. “When you strike a balance, it appears that there are more of the really modern young women than there are modern young men, which leaves a surplus of unmarried modern women who feel that they cannct afford a husband. “There are many women living alone today, however, who have had several opportunities for marriage and have refused them, or who could have had proposals if they had en- couraged the young men who made tentative approaches. Some of these maidens say simply that the right man never comes along. Others have deliberately decided to remain single through life. “Why are there so many unmarried young women today who have denied the natural urge to mate and live with one of the opposite sex? Why do they resolutely subordinate the desire for wifehood and motherhood? The answer is simple and rather startling. They honestly feel that they cannot afford the luxury of a husband.” Dr. Potter is honest in his belief. He sees women from his congregation almost every day—women who have business in Wall Street or who hold big executive jobs in department stores and in industrial plants. They are not the marrying kind, for the present at least. They are too absorbed in earning a living to become economically independent. They prefer this policy then to become clinging vines and wrap themselves around a husband’s checkbook. 11" THEIR decision has not been due to a mere whim nor to an exaggerated individual- ism,” continues Dr. Potter. “They have noted what has happened to many of their girl friends who have taken a chance and tried marriage. These more venturesome ones have waked up, sometimes in five years after mar- riage, sometimes within a few weeks, to find that marriage had cost them much more than they expected. That happens all too often these days and it happens chiefly, I believe, because men are not as advanced in their thinking as women are.” To make all things clear, Dr. Potter explains what he means by a modern husband. “What is a modern husband?” he asks. “By what standard shall we decide his degree of modernity? There are men who are modern in some ways and decidedly ancient in others. “A man is modern in adopting new devices for his office, or new machines for his factory, and modern, even, in his opinions about re- ligion, long beifore he attains the modern atti- tude toward women. It seems to be the last field into which his liberality enters, for there is antagonism on his part also. He has heard men speak disparagingly about the brain capac- ity of women and has probably been taught in childhood to regard girls as ‘sissies.’ 1ITHE men with whom he associates have told him many stories illustrative of how the behavior patterns of women are determined by emotion rather than reason. It is no wonder then that his sense of masculine superiority “There are more really modern young women than there are modern young » men. hinders his acceptance of the modern idea of sex equality. “The test determining whether or not a man is modern in his attitude toward women is his belief or lack of belief in complete sex equality. And the one thing which more than any other prevents his belief in complete sex equality is the survival of the notion that women are property. Incredible as it may appear, the women-as-property idea survives today in the minds of many men. “These men would probably not admM it, and may not be conscious of it, but their possessive tendency is only too apparent in many ways. Under the guise of courtesy the man insists on doing for his woman many things which she would much prefer to do for herself. Politely he smooths her'path for her and incidentally chooses which path she shall take, without dreaming of consulting her. “He is very chivalrous in rescuing her from danger, but what seems to him to be danger for her may seem to her to be her opportunity for freedom and progress. He assiduously pro- tects her, but his arm which shields her is frequently, from her point of view, a barrier to the fuller life she longs for. He thinks he is helping her and is surprised at her protest that he is really hindering her. What he regards as chivairy she knows well is a relic of his property-complex. " MAN can be considered modern, then, only when he recognizes the complete sex equality of women and recognizes his wife as a person and not as his property. Probably the property idea will survive for many years. “A modern woman can afford a husband if she can find a really modern one, one who will regard her as his equal, as a person in her own right, to be respected rather than protected, and to be co-operated with rather than dominated. All their relations will be mutually arranged; every decision will be based on equal considera= tion for the rights of both parties. All vestiges of the ancient ‘clinging vine and sturdy oak’ idea will be banished from their relations with each other. - “Can a modern woman afford a husband if he is not a modern husband? Are there any exceptions to the rule we have just set up? May she not be wise in taking a chance that she can modernize him? “She probably will take such a chance if she really loves him, and if she does really love him there is a chance that she may be able to make a modern man out of him—provided, of course, that he really loves her. Each case must be decided on its own merits and no hard and fast rule can be laid down. 11 CHE should be forewarned, however, that remaking an unmodern husband has the same difficulties as, or greater ones than, the traditional task of marrying a drunkard to re- form him. It will take infinite patience, for his attitude toward women is probably the result of influences which surrounded him in infancy and which have during all his life tended to deepen the impression that women are to be taken care of, rather than respected as persons with their own individualities. “Along with the chivalry-complex this young man will probably have an idea that a wife is supposed to attend to her husband’s clothing, to lay out a clean shirt for him each morning And see that collar and cuff buttons are ine serted, to seud his linen to the laundry, to have his slippers und dressing gown ready for him at night—in short, to act as his valet. “He may not go so far as to expect, as the men of some countries still do, that she will blacken and polish his shoes, but he will be apt to grumble if he cannot find his toilet acces- Continued on Fourteenth Page .