Evening Star Newspaper, January 30, 1930, Page 34

'EVENING STORY -Fnfious Works of Literature Buitips on’ the Head. BY OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES. 1Qliver - Hal 1004, was ), 1 o b o XN e Hoss Shay.” stc.) ’ 40y friends, with,the I shall defigition of “a'*pséudoscience.”. A pseudo-science consists of a nomencla- ture, with a self-adjusting arrangement by which all positive evidence, or such as favars its docl , 48 admitted, and: all negative evidence, or such as tells against it, is excluded. It is invariably connected with some lucrative practical application. Its: professofs - and, prac- titioners are wusually ‘shrewd ‘people; they are very ‘seérious with the puklic, but wink and laugh a’good deal”among themselves. The believing multitude consists of women of both sexes, feeble- minded inquirers,; poetical ; optimists, people who always ‘get cheated in buy- ing horses, philanthropists who on hurrying up “thé mniillennium, and others of this class, with here and there a clergyman, les§ uently. & Jawyer, very rarely a physician, and almost never a horse jobkey or a-member of the detective poliee, I did.not say that phrenology—the science of telling char- acter from bumps on the head—was one of the pseudo-sciences. A pseudo-science does not necessarily consist wholly of lies. It may contain many truths andseven valuable ones, ‘The rottenest bank starts with a little specie. It puts out a thousand promises o pay on the strength of a single dol- lar, but the dollar is very commonly a good one. The practitioners of the pseudo-science know that common minds after they have besn baited with a real fact or two will jump at the merest, rag of a lie, or even at the bare hook. When we have one llué% (oun(: us, we are very apt to‘supply the nexi out of our own -imagination. (How. many ‘persons can Tead Judges, Xv.16, eorrectly the first time?) The pseudo- sciences take advantage of this. I did not say that it was so with phrenology. I have rearely: met a sensible man who would not allow there was some- t in phrenology. A broad, high | forghead, it is commonly agreed, prom- ises intellect; one that is ‘“villainous low,” and has a huge hind-head back of it, is wont to mark an animal na- ture. I have as rarely met an unbiased and sensible man who really believed in the bumps. It is observed, however, that persons with what the phrenolo- than others toward plenary belief in the doctrine. It is not necessary to prove the fals- \ityrof ‘the phrenolegical statement. It 15 only necessary to show that its ttuth is not proved, and cannot be, by the common course of argument. The walls of the head are double, with a great air- chamber between them. Can you tell how much money there is in a safe, which also has thick double walls, by % tkneading its knobs with your fingers? So when a man fumbles about my forehead and talks about the marks of “individuality,” “size,” etc., I trust him as much as I should if he felt of the outside of my strong-box and told me that there was & $5 or a $10 bill under this or that particular rivet. Per- haps there is; only he doesn't know anything about it! But this is a point that I, the professor, understand, my friends, or ought to, certainly better than you do. ‘The mext argument you will all appreciate. I proceed, therefore, to explain the self-adjusting mechanism .of phren- ology, which is very similar to that of the pseudo-sciences. show it most conveniently. A 18 a notorious thief. Messrs. Bum- pus and Crane examine him and find a good-sized mark of acquisitiveness. Positive fact for phrenology. Casts and drawings of A are multiplied and the bump does not lose in the act of copy- ing—1I.did not say it gained. Presently B turns up, a_bigger thief than A. But B has no bump at all gists* call “good heads” are more ptone’| An example will | THE KVENING STAR, WASHINGIUN, D. C, over .acquisitiveness. Negative : fact; §0es_against phrenology. Not a.bit of it. Don't see how small conscienti+ ousness is? That’s the reason B’ stolel d then comes C, ten times as much a thief as either A or B; used to steal before he was weaned, “and would pick one of his own pockets and gflt its contents in another, if he could ind no other way of committing petty larceny. Unfortunately, C has a hol- low, instead of a bump, over acquisi- tiveness. Ah, but just look and, see what a bump of alimentiveness] Did not C buy nuts and gingerbread when a boy with the money he stole? Of course, you see why he is a thief, and how his example confirms our noble science. At last comes along a case which is apparently a settler, for there is a little brain with vast and varied powers—a case like that of Byron, for instance, Then comes out the grand reserve rea- son, which covers everything and ren- ders it simply impossibie ever to corner a phrenologist. “It is not the size alone but the quality which determines its degree of power.” ¥ ¥ Oh, oh, I see! The argumeént may be briefly stated thus by the fhnnololll!: “Heads I win, tails you' lose. Well, that's convenient. It must be.confessed that phrenology has a certain resem- blance to the pseudo-science. I did not | say it was a pseudo-science. I have often met persons who have been altogether amazed at the accuracy with which some wandering professor of phrenology had read their charac- ters written upon their skulls. 3 = g Sloan’s Liniment you like sunshine course, the professor acquires his infor- mation solely through his cranial in- spections and manipulations. But let us just ‘suppose for a moment it a tolerably cunning fellow who d;‘g‘nm know or care anything about phren- ggen a shop and under- people’s characters at 50 cents or $1 aplece. Let us see how well he could get along without the ‘bumps. I will suppose myself to set up such @ shop. I would invest $100, more or less, in casts of brains, skulls, charts and other matters that would make the ! most show for the money. That would do to begin with. I would then adver- tise myself as the celebrated Prof. Brainey, or whatever name I might | choose, and wait for-my first customer | —a middle-aged man. I look at him, ask him a question or two 50 as to hear | him_talk. ‘hen I have got the hang |of him I ask him to sit down, and pro- {ceed to fumble his skull, dictating as follows (the scale being from 1 to 10): » I give the list of faculties for the ' customer. “In parentheses after each I have added private notes for my pupil, each to be accompanied with a wink! Amativeness (capacity for love), |7 (because most men love the conflict- ing sex, and all men love to be told THURSDAY, they do); alimentiveness (capacity for eating), 8 (don't you see that he has burst off his lowest vest button with feeding?); acquisitiveness, 8 (of course, for he is a middle-aged Yankee); ap- probativeness, 7 plus (his hat is well brushed, hair ditto, and mark the effect of that “plus”); self-esteem, ¢ (his face shows thal benevolence, 9 (that'll please him); conscientiousness, 81> (that fraction looks first rate); mirth- fulness, 7 (he laughed twice since he eality, § (that sounds well) ; eight, color, locality, even- e 4 t0.6 (average everything that can't be guessed). Of course, you know that isn't the way the phrenologists do. They go only by the bumps. What are you all laugh- ing so for? I only said that is the way 11‘ lsho'uld practice “phrenology” for a ving! 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