Evening Star Newspaper, October 24, 1926, Page 87

THE OTHER DAY HE other day I happened to go to the dentist's “Is Dr. Ochs in?" I asked the lady who seemed to be preniding over the outer office. 50, she replied. “I've been the better part of an mistake,” 1 said. e in charge.” she replied. “I'm a patient.” and she opened her mouth. “Would you like to see an interesting bit of bridgework ”"" “Why, ves I replied. “if vou will wait till I put my umbreila over here in_the corner.” The lady closed her mouth and| waited ow." 1 eald. “let me aee." She opened wide 1= it raining?” she asked Not that T can see.” 1 replied. “but ft's a little dark in the hack part of veur mouth. ““Wait a minute,” and I struck a match, “1 meant was it raining outaide.” she said. “And, besides, I must ask you not to put lighted matches in my | mouth.” i it's raining outside.” T re. plled. “and why won't you let me put| lighted matches in vour mouth?" Ehe smiled, and closed her mouth Or, rather, she closed her mouth and then smiled. “1 thought | | | | Rock Cannn;l. [ HEN the Island of Malta was un- | der the rule of the Knights of 8t. Jokn they defended their fortifica- | tions with cannon hored in the living rock. Each one of these strange | Wenpons contained an entire barrel | of powdar. and as it was not possible | to vary the alm of these cannon, 0 ere made ready. facing various di- rections from which the enemy might approach i When the fame of these arms of | Asfense necame known to the world | the idea vas taken up of tranapor INg rocke to summits to serve the ®ame purpose, but it soon recog- | nized 10 be impracticable, and the | cannon of Malta, hored in solid rock. | have passsd into history as the sole weapons of the kind ever known “If you Insist,” she said graciously. I thréw away the mach. “Noblesse oblige,” 1 said, with a it bow. ‘Are you French?" she asked. No,” "1 replied. : ‘I didn’t think so,” ‘she said ‘Why?" 1 asked. “was anythin’ Wwrong with my pronunciation?” ‘It _doesn’t matter.” she sald, and she once inore opened her mouth “What do vou see”" she asked 1 looked. 1 seer to wee A dark m plied. after a minute. “wit tache. Do you know an Hobart, or perhaps Gus> The Iady turned pale. “le it George™" she aniad, “Yes." I repiled. “That's it. George He seems to be in trouble of some sort.” = “0, dear.” said cind of trouble” i An you open a little wider?" 1 asked 3 She complied “Is this George.” T asked. “con nected in any way with a tall bui ing? 1 seem to see a tall buildins— maybe it's a couple of all huildinge. “No." replied the lad “Are you sure?’ I asked. Two tall buildinge. The lady considered “Could it be two Soft boiled sggs?” she asked “Ia Gieorge connected with twe soft ‘ed egga”’ 1 demanded No." she replied. 4 little co-operation on vour will help me quite a bit.” T said. * not doing this for the fun of it. ‘m trying to think." she ge. H-mm " 1 sald. A woman f the huildinas.” sli n” 1 re A mus one named the lady What Think bol rt ‘m ! Vait a minu is foming out of one The lady groaned har,” ahe said at won'd he she.” [ corrected “That would he she.” reneated th lady. “and thgnk you fer the correc tion.™ “Not at ail” 1 veplied. I often make the skme mistake myself.” “What s the woman doing?" asked the lady ‘I ean’t quite makes out but it lonks a I, replied. little as though she said | THE SUNDAY STAR. WASHINGTON, D. C. OCTOBER 24 were preparing to climb up the side of the buflding. “That's strange.” said the lady. “Do you know any human flies?” I asked. The lady consider=d. chook her :.ead. “No." she replied. “‘at least. I don't know any female human fljes.” Neither do 1" 1 said. and there was ap enbarrassing silence. { _“Magrbe ihere aren’t female human ggested the lady. lJ thers aren't.” 1 veolied, “what | i- that '2dy doing. climbing up thy | <ide of that buildirg? And besides.’ I ~dded “how cou'd there be any | | ¢ human flies if there weren't| | females | ‘Ihe lady blushed. “Let me look agsin.” T asked. The lady opened her mouth. At thet momén: the dentist appeared. “l b g *our pardon.” he said some- what -enldly. and started to withdraw. “Oh, duclor.” said the lady. "I have been waiting for vou all morning.” “Indeel.’ said the dentist. “Well, ! | evidently vou have found some one who can 1ake care of you better than “ 1" and he once more made as though Then she | | to return to his inner office. “Oh, please don't be angry. docto pleaded the lady. “This gentieman not a dentist at all. “A likely story. with a_slight sneer. “Oh, dear.” said the lady ing to me, she pleaded, something?" “Doctor.” T said, “this lady's story is the truth.” “itis. It 18 vepeated the lady. | “I'his gentieman i€ nothing more to | me than—than vesterday's laundry.” “I'd hardly say that"" | remarked. | not without A certain amount of dignity. The dentist paused, obviously ! struck by her sincerity. | “Didn't 1 see vou al the déntal eon vention in Syracuse in ‘082" he asked. | {1 shook my head. | | “I have nevar been in Syraguse,” | 1 replied. i | The dentist walked over ta the table | |and hegan looking through more or | said the dentist. and, turn- n't you do | | 1ees BE uE 3E 55 “WAIT A MINUTE,” AND I STRU { A MATCH. 1926—PART 5. Y eurrent magazines which had been placed there for the henefit of his waiting patients. | “Just a& T thought.” he remarked. and he pointed to an open page in one of the magazines: “The dental conven- tlon far 1908 was not held in Syracuse. It was held in St. Loufs.” “I have never been in St. Loui | asked the dentiat | bent over the lady's mouth. | life. said. The dentist frowned Aenlv smiled and held ant hic hand Then he snd- | ‘All right,” he said. “Let's forget| | more The lady said the | open * cried the lady. it hasty. dentist, “and T hope that mind my taking you for a Vot at all,” I said You see,” he wer Jealous of this lady's ou did not on. “I am very teeth and 1 1 don’t want any one else %0 fool with | | them - | with wasn't said the dentist. vou like to watch T wasn't fooling them.” 1! id. “Honest, | ‘I helieve you." “and how would me while 1 w “On whom 1 | “On this lady here" replied the dentist : | 1 hesitated. The lady put her hand | on my arm. | “Please.” she said. and then she | added, “Noblesse oblige.” “All right," I agreed. ‘We went into the dentist's office. The lady took her seat in the chair The dentist picked up a small drill | and gave the wheel one or two turns | foot. | he said. “open wide.” i The lady opened wide. | “Have you ever been to Paris” Who?" 1 said. “Me?" " replied the dentiat, and he| “No," I replied, “but I am thinking of going there on my honeymoon.” The dentist paused and turned ! around. “Well, well,” he said. going to get married?"” “Yes,” I replied. “And you are going to Pa your honeymoon 2" “Yes."” The dentist sighed. “Ah, Paris, Paris'” he said. and he heng once more over his patient. “Wider,” he said. The lady com- plied. The dentist looked at his Arill and smiled sadly. “Some of the happiest c¢ave of ray he sald, “were gpent in Paris.” | He looked up at me. } “Paulette,” he sald, “was a very | lovely girl” “1 don’t Aouht “So you are ris on 1 replied dentist.” |* By Donald Ogden Stewart The dentist examined his drill onca and then decided to change. remained with her mouth tudents?” 1 asked he replied, “dental.” “Both of you?" 1 asked The doctor examined his drill in * he said at last, “would have made one of the best dentists in Europe. She had a way with teeth that was absolutely uncanny.” 1 remained silent. 1 felt that it was not the time ta ask questions. there was that unfortunate lady with her mouth open. ‘The dentist began to hum a well known aria “Do you know lLa Boheme?' he 1 replied ou ever heard it sung in he asked. " 1 sald vou ever heard of Genevieve he asked. “I have all her records,” T replied, “on my phonograph.” uddenly the truth dawned .a me. Do _you mean to say,” began, “that Genevieve Adler is— The dentist smiled sadly. “Now madam.” he said, “will you open just a little wider?" The lady shifted her position apd complied. The dentist stepped on the wheel. It began to buzz. “This will hurt a little,” he said. T coughed. “If you dot 1 said, wait outside.’ The dentiat looked up. “AN right.” he said. As T tiptoed out T heard the lady give a slight exclamation of pain. 1 sat down and began to read a maga- zine. 1t was one 1 had already read. (Coovrieht. 1926.) 't mind,” True. Mr. Green (after explaining a phrase—Now is that clear? Notso Green—Tes, sir: cleag as mud. Mr. Green—Well, then, it covers the ground. GROSS EXAGGERATIONS - - - - In the Joolery Store - - - - The Watc BY MILT GROSS. | R. FEITLEBAUM—I butt here lest wick by dees sturr a wreest-watch wot it— o Mr. Feitlebaum—Who? De wan witt | the bleck cooat, witt de spets2? | Nenks'- Motch hobblitched. (Patter, | patter, patter)—Aham!—I butt wick here by dees sturr a wreest- watch Salesman = i Rather E?'; Apathetically ‘ um-— Hmmmm-—-Wha?? ! w20 witt de white coronation in eppell {l’atter. patter, patter) zoot monnink—1 butt lest wick dees sturr a wrees: [} | i Deorman | Very Nonchalantly - Mmmm — butt lest (BHARRODP:, -A ROTT “Mr. Feitlebaum wick here-— Store Detective . w Belligerently Mr. Feitisbaum—1 butt lest wick in Porter Kind of Mr. Feitlebaum-—- Yi Yi ' - vi f % I« diss a system?” IN DEES STURR WAN--I (I WOULDNT KIPP STHEL—WOT IT'S A JEEP--WI'T WIT'T SAVE. INNX JooLs Y. %0 FOR 1TCH patter. patter)—Aham:!—I Kind of f dees sturr a Dumbly Over here! Over dere!! 0 WRE WATCH A HOUTRAGE!—<80 put me hout:) - (patter, | LIST JOOL 1T LOSES AT/ fir A TRICK-WODDERS FRO | A HOUR A DAY!! WOT IT—!1!!! | Manager—S8h-—Please—One moment, | sir, step this way, please—ar—no, no— | nothing at all, oMcer—er—allow me to see the watch. please—Ahem, Mr. Snappenbacker, take care of this gen |tléman, pleass. Clerk—Hm, now what sesms to be wrong with the wateh? Mr. Feitlebaum—So dat's you heez. neas vou should find hout:! | Clerk—Hm, mm—Yes, er—let's see | | —eomething probably got into the | works. no doubt—and— | Mr. Feitlebaum-—Yas, vAs—of mml.l the watch?? Are vou a light sleeper?? | grenfodder's clock, maybe 1 should Do you cough? Charleston?? Ride a motor cycle? Are you subject to St. | Vitus Dance? Do you talk with your | hands?—Oh—I beg your pardon— | Shake cocktails” Pump a well? SIn:I | mammy songa??—Perhaps—you are a trap drummer? ? Mr. Feitlebaum—You'll parron plizze mine riggratts wot 1 making, Denks Got. from mine sturt a leeving wot 1 | deedn’t hav yat de plassure 1 should | make by a fullish jezzbend alrady | witt a drom witt de steecks! Attend | plizze de watch?! i Clerk—Hm—you see a wrist watch, | wear heem on de harm, ha??—Attend plizze de watch!! Clerk—Hm—Ummm—Well, you see, sir, each watch being as it is, sir, peculiarly adapted to the individual wearer, sir, in order to properly regu- late it, I wotild suggest, sir, that you leave it and let me wear it for a period of say two or three weeks—and— Mr. Feitlebaum—Rillyti—Is dees a act??ii—Attend plizze ae watch!:! Manager—Oh, well—let's give him A new— Isidore—Oh, Baba—Here you are— I'c be sure!’ We messing last wick a | b#ing xo small and delicate a con-|I'be glad I foudd vou at last. Here's metr gradualiy a look witt de fullsh micro- scope wot vou waring in de heye so you'll Aind it Atre mavbe insite—ha?— | ! Mnimmm. Attand plizze ds watch? | Cierk—Hm—let's see, when did you | rst notice that all was not well with ject to irregularities— | M, talling Feitlebaum—Hm—yon me!! So why you dunt | deen’t in; from a batter a in de foist plaze so finstat wreest-watch I could butt e« from de bad—so vou'll geeve | irivance, is mich more readily sub. | the baid-sprig of vour watch, Baba— You left it out this bordig whed you | were fixig it with the dut-pick—after | vou dropped it odd the bathroob floor | forumed me graduaily witt dees noose | —Baba—I'be glad I— (Smack!!) (Convrieht. 1926.) The Old Men’s Page Is Finally Projected As a Brand-New Feature BY STEPHEN LEACOCK. | OBSERVE that nowadays far too miuch of the space in the news- | papers i given up to children and | voung people. Open almost any paper, published in any Canadian or American city, and you may find a | children’s page and a girls’ page and | A wonmn's page—special columne for | 1ot&. poeiry by high-chaol girls. for Roy Scouis.’ tashion notes | cune women, and radio hinta for | Yeuns men This thing is going too the old men get & chance. What the newspajers need now is a special paze for old men. 1 am certain that it wouli make an enormous hit at once Let me tiy to put together a few samples of what ought to go on such a page. My talented readers can carry it on for themsejves, 1 < FOR OLD ME ) far-—unless N RCOUTS. ral field mecting of the (ew- | widi Old Men Scouts will he held et Saturday. The seouts will assemble at the edgs of the pine wonds about T milss out of fown. Fveny t will 1ell his chauffeur to have the car ready for an early starl, not ater than 1030, ‘ihs scont will sea that the chauffeur hiinke a fll kit WRing ntens ind supplies A good chauffeur can eas<ijy r 150 pounds and the scant will see that he dnes 1 Each cont and Iy etabi Mit is 1o have a heavy great A thick and folding | camp-chai strapped together in a bundle and will <es to it parsonally that these are loaded on the chauffeur. Each sc in advancing into the woods, will carry his own waiking atick and w il smoke his own cigar In passing through ti woods, the &eout ix expecied to recognize any 1 that he knows. cuch as pine trees, lilac trees, rubher (ress and so forth. If in any deubt of the nature ! or species of a tree, the scout may tell fleur 1o climb it and see what The scouts will also recognize and remark any species or genera of hirds that ave sitting on the math which are famiiiar to them. su'h as tam Fanaries. parrots, pATY cooked snine and ap chicken Having arrived at open the scouts will it about on their eamp chawws. avoiding the damp. while the ehauffeurs kindls a fire and prepare lunch During this time the feout Maste and other econte in erder of sentarity. mav relite stariee af wooderaft if thev can't think Af any stories of wand, tell any o kind tha: As exe hefore ccnuts mav apen the & sada harties After ch. each scout will place hie rug and cushion under a suitable tree and smoke a cizar w Listen ng in silence for any especial cails and wood notes f birds, heee. and in sects, such as the cicada. the rick shaw. the gin-rickl. and others that | he has learned to know. Should he | see amy insect whose call in not fa. | miliar to him, he should crawl after it and listen to it, or. if he prefers, tell his chauffeur to follow it up. At five pm., the scouts should re- | load the chauffeurs and themselves, | and, when all are well loaded. driv to any country club for more stories of woodcraft | oo FEvery old man--heing really just a bov in a disguised form—ie naturally interested in how to make things. One column, therefore. ought to con tain something in the way of HINTE ON MECHANICS— CARPENTRY FOR OLD MEN Hew to Make a Rustic Table.Get cos slade | ese it “EACH SCOUT WILL CARRY HIS SMOKE HIS OWN CIGAR.” OWN WALKING STICK AND WILL ! hold of any hard-working rustic and tell him to make a table Camera Stand.— 1t wil to Make a vight on the: table. How Put it stand. How to Tell the Time by the Sun.— First lock at your watch ‘ani see what ume {t is. Then stap out into the sunlight with vour face towards the sun and held the watch so that he ho hand points directly at the sun his will be the time. How to Make a ny wand factory nd 1ol them 10 eu (se. —Cali up the telephone v some platn [ing A bhook en sen s d A carpe: met on it. when it to upset it soda water . x e No column of the sort yhich 1 am ere proposing would he complete un contained some sort of corr pondence. And here the- topic that < opportune and velcome to ol is well at the young. ie the eiernal subfect of 1ve. B mus: be treated in & way to to thome whose hearts have passel the it 1 PROBLEMS OF LOVE MARRIAGE.. Bachelor's Court, AND Mr. Elder. Lone Street 1 can quite understand your di- lemma in regard to your cook. It is one that many a bachelor has had to face and t. think out for himself, and 1 am sure that you will face it bravely and clearly You say that you do not know whether your cook loves véu or mot, and 1 gather that vougo not give a hoot either way. But 14 point is that | others has taken you t firsi | | mad tmpulses of unvestrained youth. | | she has an excellent offer to he cook in an old man’s home. and you are | likely to lose her. Your problem is | whether to let her go and try to get | another, or to marry her, or to move | into the home where she is going to cook. ok ox o Mr. Oldspark, Evergreen Alley, Blos- reet: v difficult indeed to advise you, especially as you Are at an age (vou tell me you are only 61) when sour heart fa’apt to run away with vou. You say that three young girls | sach want (o marry you. You have | heen letting nne of them drive vou | out in her exr and she has a certain vight 1o think 16u have given her en. | | eurasamoni | contou on e other hand, one of the the matinee. in the case of the third. thoukh vou do not know her so well, you wers toid by some are at the golf club that | <hs had said that veu were “a perfect | darling. You say thet vou are very fond of all three. but rthat vou cannot tell w chat vou teel is really love It may be indigestion. * x % 3 Mr. 0. 0. Overslow, Linger Lodge Your case is one in which it is diffi cult for an outsider to glve advice. You say that you have been paying attentione to a lady of about your own |age for a little over 19 years. You | have taken her to evening church service each third Sunday for some ! | years back. and you have for nearly 10 vears now sent her an Easter card and an April fool card. Her father, | who is 96. is distinctly favorable to { your suit, but as he has loat most of I'hie facul he may not know one | { suit from another. You rightly feel that you ought to | be cautious and not act hastily. You have $15.000 a year of your own, but hate to part with any of it | Your problem is, should you pro- | partment’s cahle <hip | with & | her master to check the depths and | in savine of cahl i patrel of Modern Life pose to her or wait a lttle? My ad vice is by all means walt—keep on waliting—wait till her father is dead | And her mothér is dead and vou are half dead. and then propose to her and wonder why vou have spent your life waiting. . Don't you rememhrr——look over 30 years and (ry to remember- that evening long ago when you stood | with her on the bridge over the little | river in the dusk of a Summer eve. | ning and so nearly—oh, so nearly— proposed to her? But vou waited. | You had only $1,000 a year then, so | you waited. | And don't you remember five vears later on, that Winter evening by the fireside when vou were left alone with | her for 10 minutes. and again the words almost came to your lips? But vou had only $3.000 a yvear then, and vou waited. Oh, yes, my dear old friend. by all means keep on waiting. 1t is all that you are fit for. * ko2 * | No. we don’t lend money to old men through this column. (Convrieht. 1926 ) Shipping Gold by Air. HF ingenulty of foreign exchange hankera in finding methods of in-| creasing the margin of profit on gold shipments hes heen demonstrated in | more than one instance Auring the | present increased international flow. The latest and the most novel example was the chartering of four | commereial airplanes by a RBritish bank to carry gold to Switzerland. The four planea transported about $6,000,- | | 000 worth of metal, weighing around 5.720 pounds, with speed and safety, considerably reducing the loss of in- terest which is always a heavy item of expense in shipping precious metal. | joints around town | only gol4 | S GRAVVAL-Y o ¥ D¢ Another Glimpse at Passing Scenes In Career of a Professional Humorist Chapter 17 of Autobiography. BY RING LARDNER. N the days of which T am now writing. Horace-Greeley and Ben Hecht were joint editors of “The Rabies.” They edited all the news that camé in about different They small salary, but were given a share of the paper's profite: there. fore it was to their interest that the vertising be built up. Oneé evening Mr. Greeley called me into his private bath. (Editor's note: Tablold editors then worked in private baths instead of private offices.) As 1 entered. he said, “Young man, " and pointed to the bowl. (Editor's note: This remark of MS: ley's has often heen misquoted as oung man, go West,” and “Young man, g0 mah-jong.” and sometimes even as “Young man. go get my slip- pers.”) s (Author's note: Some of the misquo- tations have been laughable.) When T had dried the both of us, Mr. Greeley said: “Kid" (he called me kid). “the more people that buys this paper, the better for 1 and Ben. Now theé best circula- tion getters is conteats and we are going to make you contest editor with rte blanche to offer whatever prizes ou like in every kind of contest you can think of. Est-ce que c'est claire de lune”" (“Ia it clear?"”) 1 nodded my head and left him. On my way back to the city room, I en- | countered Charley Cautious, & fellow | reporter. "hose private bath have vou been he inquired. “‘Horace's.”” 1 repiied. “Horace's?"’ he repeated. “Horace's,” 1 sald. (Editor's note: This was probably th origin of the song, “Horace's, Horace' Horace's." After a light lunch and a rub-down, in Radio Aids Ocean Study ) the cable route provided the Army's engineera with information that per- mitted them to lay out a route for the new cable which avolded locali- tiee where undue stresses would be placed on the cable. The War De- was equipped <onic depth finder, enabling af the hottom during the laying of the new cable. The result and he cabls. due 1o the etudy of the sanic depth-finder charts, made a con- e to, lay | sonic depth-finder and Fessenden os- cillator have been installed on a Coast Guard cutter. The results of the use of this ap- paratus show that the distance an | bearing of bergs can be obtained by means of echoes given off by the sub- merged faces of the herg. but, as only the after oscillator can be used, echoes are not obtained from ahead, nor are | the ranges as great as desired. That |the apparatus has good possibilities i for use in detacting and ranging ice- | hergs has been clearly demonstrated, |and further developments are:expect- | ed during the ice patrol season. sidevarla {tem In economy. Another nee of the sonic depth- finder recently has heen made in con. nection with the internatonal ice off the coast of Labrador. Since the sinking of the Titanic. th Navy and thé Coast Guard have patrolied that area of the North At- lantic where drifting icebergs form a serious menace to ships during the late Spring and early Summer. As the | bergs are located, their positions are plotted by the patrol ship and the in- | formation is then broadcasted by the i various navel radio stations, first be- ing checked up and disseminated by the Hvdrographic Office of the Nav. The Coast Guard points with well deserved pride to the fact that few bergs have drifted into the trans- Atlantic ateamer lanes which are not under the eve of ¢he patrol. Their work, however, has been rendered very difficult by the heavy fogs usually presemt with drifting ice. 1t wae with a view to overcoming this difficulty, to extent, that the latest navy-typeg sound receiver, | The Coast Guard cutter Tampa has | made good use of her underwater (sound equipment in obtaining sound- | inga and depth data over considerable j uncharted areas, and this has been forwarded to the Hydrographic Office {of the Navy. By means of sonic | soundings and radio compass bear- |ings from the Navy radio compass stations, the Tampa was enabled to give with great accuracy the location of the various bergs she met, even | though the weather was unsuitab! for obtaining astronomical “sights’ | upon which navigators depended for | determining positions at sea before | the advent of the radio compass and | the sonic depth-finder. | Several of the devices for finding | depths by radio sound waves have | been o improved that they do not | depend on human expertness and ac- | curacy, but a mere pushing of a | switch button sends out the electri- cal {mpulse, and when it returns, the depth it found is automatically iliu- minated on a dial. received | | circulation and. consequently, the ad.| FOR MONTHS AFTERWARD I LAY HOSPITAL. 1 went to work contriving contests, My firet idea was an essay contest on “Why 1 Married Mr. Hopper,” but it | |ably not aware of the fact that the last proved a failure as, at that time, thera were only three persons eligible to the | competition and two of the three would net, or could not, reply. The next one went over with a bang. It ‘WAS a guessing contest of famous men. ‘The names of the men, with a few of JAhe letters left out, were printed in groups of five a day and prizes amounting to $50,000 were offered to those sending the most nearly correct answers, accompanied by a twelve. thousand-word article on boo scor- pions. » (Editor’s note: A boo scorpion was a sort of spider that went around booing AS 1 ENTERED HE SAID: “YOUNG MAN, GO WASH,” AND POINTED TO THE BOWL. a ball players, and spanieis.) In the paper the first day we had | “Abr-ham _L-ne-in: Th-mas Edis-n:| Charl's _Ch-plin: Jac- Brrymore:; Charl-s D-ckens. On the second day—"J-mes A. | fleld: 1. 8. Gra-t; Robert E. L-e; M-rk Anthony; Hrry K. Th-w And on the third day— J-seph J-ffarson; lrvin §. M-ncken: J-hn P-ul J-nd Prior to the inauguration of this con- test. “The Rables” had a paid cireu- lation of 126. To be eligible to com- pete, you had to subscribe to the paper for at least six months, and an even haif million people entered the compe- tition, rasing our total circulation to 500,126, Now comes the strange part of it Of the half million articles on hoo corplons, every one seemed to he the work of a master of the. subject: in fact, the articles were so uniformly convinelng and scathingly denuncia- tory that Congress started a nation- wide campaign against these ribald vermin and succeeded in exterminat- ing them. Today one speaks of a boo scorpion much the same as of a dino saur or a mah-jong fiend. (Editor's note: The author was prob- actors cock-eyed | rge Ade: Co-b; H. L. named pixy ie still running amuck in many places, notably East Hampton Long Island, in spite of the vigilance of the narcotic aquad.) But it wa® unnecessary. not to say impossible, to award any of the prizes, | because none of the 500,000 competi tors came anywhere near guessing the names of the famous men. Al- most without exception the answers sent in wers Thomas Edison, Charles Chaplin, Jack Barrymore, Charles Dickens, James A. Garfield, U. S. Grant, Robert E. Lee, Mark Anthony, Harry K. Thaw, George Ade, Joseph Jefferson. Irvin S. Cobb, H. L. Mencken and John Paul | to the protection of the | ing under the heat of the sun by the Abraham Lincoln, | | being made first. Al § Jones. Whereas the correct answers were—Abroham Luncaln, Thamas Edi- sun, Charlus Choplin, Charles Ducks them a real person, known to me by hearsay and each famous in the locality In which he lived. For ex- ample, the ténth one. guessed by all the competitors as Harry K. Thaw, was in reality a man named Hurr K. Thew, a well known Kansas Cit bossop tamperer, who drove half the Kansas City housewives crazy by sneaking through their gardens by night, tampering with their bossops. This contest virtually made “The Rabies” and nearly wrecked me. For months afterward I lay in a hospital, at death's door from the strain I had gone through. (Covyright. 1926.) (To be continued.) Earth Pillars. 'OLUMNS of plllars of various min- eral matters, sometimes of great size, have been found by geologists. They are said to have been formed by unequal weathering. Similar ice plllars are sometim seen on the surface of a glacier, due ce from meit- shadow cast by the rock mass. There are rain-made columns con taining many large stones near Ante. lope Park in a small tributary of the Rio Grande. The stones protect the portion beneath them from the rain. When the waters descended. the walls they formed th columns shown. Some of the columns are 60 or 80 feet high, and some 400 | feet high. In certain districts sandstones have been split and left in fragments, re- sembling huge single stones that so closely cover the surface that in many places one can leap from stone to stone without descending to the ground. These stones are frequently of considerable size, many of them being from 20 to 25 feet across and 12 feet in thickness. . Stones o1 Luis character have been employed for the formation of the so- called druldical circles, and are there- fore called the druid-stones. Some- times stones of this character, from their resemblance at a distance to a flock of sheep, are called gray wethers. No Skull “Crime Spots.” OPERATIU.\'S on the skull to re- move the cause of crims are un- warranted medical practice, in the opinion of Dr. Shepherd 1. Franz, psychologist in the University of Cali- fornia and expert on the re-education of the damaged brain. ‘The supposition that a bony pro. tuberance of the cranium or somq malformation due to accident ma press on the brain and be the specifi cause of wrongdoing is rejected by Dn Franz, says the Scientific American. Extended experiments {n brain op eration have convinced Dr. Franz tha{ the upper brain structure works gen erally as a whole and not in special ized departments. Damage or pres sure on one spot does not throw any one faculty alone out of commission, nor ddes any single faculty or sensq belong solely to one unique location, Removal or destruction of a small #pecial brain area will seriously upset the entire mental function, but the patient can be re-educated to perform all his duties with other cerebral mas terial. Upon this assumption unmor. ality“or crime tendency is likely to be 1 feature of the entire cerebrum, and not the result of some one lare formation at some part of the o‘!.