Evening Star Newspaper, September 30, 1923, Page 75

D.! ¢, SEPTEMBER 30, 1923—PART PAPYRUS AND THE BIG TURF EVENT § New and Palatable Articles of Food Produced for U. S. by Investigators BY JAMES A, BUCHANAN, IME brings many changes in the manner in which ‘we Uve, many changes in the kinds of food that we eat, the food that cur domestic animals eat, and the way we value food prod- ucts. Of course, these changes do mnot come overnight nor are they ac- complished in & month or a yearn| They are the results of experiments that have been carried on for a num- ber of years. Earnest and energetic men of the Department of Agricul- ture have heen diligently searching the odd places of the world to find new plants, seeds or trees that might give us new foods—perhaps old to some parts of the worjd, but not to us. In addition, these explorers have had ever uppermost in their minds the food value that was to be gained by the introduction of the new ar- ticles, and they have also ‘been ac- tuated by the desire to get some- thing that would grow and be an additional source of Yévenue to our neople. They have plung€d into the dense jungles, have traversed great areas, have undergona hardships and put up with inconveniences, but these men of sclence, through all, have had for their motto the word “service.” One of the things that bothered them was the fact that the old meth- ods of a few years ago were too slow. The desired results did not come quickly enough to suit them. They cast about for another and faster method, with the result that systematic plant introduction by the Denpartment of Agriculture has given to us many new and useful plants and foods. Behind this desire also was the thought of preventing food shortages, for when diseases of staple crops appear and cannot be controlled, sub- strtute crops must be provided. * % X ok OR a number of years past the department has, through its trained corps, been working on the problem of finding and getting. new cxop plants. Of course, the men who are sent out have to make a most exhaustive study of the foods used by men in foreign land” £nd the foods that nourish their doT Not alone do they fnal of what mankind already has, matter in what part of the globe it may be. They go into the jungles, hagk their way through forests, for new ated fruits that we have, and they bring home to us many things that are useful in the crossing of varleties, useful to such an extent that those wi- have been cultivating nake on an s-éed strength and per- haps a new and more palatable flavor. The man who sits contentedly down to a table in his home and has the best that the market affords may say that this is nierely a catering to the palate, but there is a financial side to it t:-at we must not overlook. Casting ariund, we find that more than $100,6J0,000 a year represents the value to the farmer of only a few of the ‘most successful of these crops that have been brought in by the sc'entists. Some cfusty person who still lives In the ag: of tallow dips, while the rest of us are using high-powered electric lights, may say there is great danger of bringing in Insects, par- asites, forms of blight or other in- Jurious things that will ruin our crops and cause a great food short- age, bwt he reckons not wisely, for the infdorted seeds and plants are all passed under the micriscopic scrutiny of the experts of the Federal Hortigaltural Board, who discover and eliminate any plant or insect pests. These importations are kept in strict quarantine and sometimes a year elapses before they are taken out. Before this strict supervision came into being any one could bring trees and other things that| are perhaps relatives of the cultiv-| Important Seeds and Plants of Alien Origin Have Added to Domestic Output Through Efforts of Scientists of Department of Agricul- ture—Increase Wealth of Cofintry by Hun- ductive. dreds of Millions—Waste Land Made Pro- . INDIAN GIRL IN ANTIGUA, GUATEMALA, EATING A MEAL OF AVOCADOS AND TORTILLAS (UNLEAVENED CORN BREAD which orchards of peaches in this country have already been estab- lished. In the garden patches are seen the Japanese ude, the Chinese cabbage, the Guatemalan chayote, the Trini- dad dasheen, Perslan melons and glant Spanish peppers. Up in Alaska turnips are much in demand, and it has been found that the Finnish turnips that were brought to this country by the gov- ernment men were especlally adapt- ed to the climate. The result has been that this particular varlety has superseded all others. Down in the deserts of the south- west dates were planted several years ago and today the yield is over $250,000 each year. The American Egyptian cotton Industry foots up a total of $20,000,000,000. In the irrigated reglons of Tex: and California Japanese rices are cov- ering such areas that Japan Is actu- ally buying rice from America. The annual value of the crop has been placed at $21,000,000, and this year, on account of the great disaster, the total will probably amount to §much more. Sudan grass, another importation, is worth in the neighborhood of $10:000,000 a year. Rhodes grass, from Rhodesia, has an annual value developed a variation from it, the new Pima cotton of Arizona. ‘This new and valuable long-staple variety now produces between 30,000 and 40,000 bales & year, and each of the bales weighs 500 pounds. The crop last year was worth $6,000,000. * %ok % NTIL a few years ago dates were looked upon as luxuries that were to be eaten at Thanksgiving, Christmas and other holiday periods, but of late they have come into gen- eral dally use_ not only on.account of thelr flavor but also by reason of their food value, and today we find dates eaten several days a week, while mothers often prepare dainties for the table by fixing them up ac- cording to the latest recipes. Then, too, the youngsters are now per- mitted to have them as a candy, where formerly they were banned as being Injurious to the teeth. We generally assoclate dates with desert oases, waving palms and cool springs, and have visions of date production as something oriental and entirely divorced from American agriculture. Yet last year nearly 300,000 pounds of dates, valued at about $160,000, were produced in the hot interior valleys of California and Arizena, and it is confidently ex- pected that the yield will increase THE YIELD OF DATES FROM THIS PALM, GROWING IN CALIFORNIA, WAS SO HEAVY THAT PROPS ‘WERE USED TO SUPPORT THE LIMBS, » in any plant, and the result was that milllons of dollars’ worth of damage was done every year. From the experts of the department and from other sources it is learned that about 60,000 specimens have come into the United States. Of course, many of the things that were brought or sent to this country never proved successful, but enough of them did to add many millions of dollars to our resources. xR K find In parks, cemeteries, door- yards and other places shrubs aud trees from Asia. Then there are the dry land elm, from the land of the dragon, China; the Japanese flowering cherries, the other kind toat they call the Chinese chaste bush, the Chinese pistache, the ju- jubd from the same part of the world; the Smyrna fig, the Guate- jmalan avocado, the East Indian mango, the seedless grapes from the lands of Italy, Greece and India, the pomegranates and glant olfves y ¢ Tunis, the nectarines of Baluchis- 'tan and New Zealand and the blight- sesistant wild peach of Chins, upon of $1,000,000. Japanese yields about $3,000,000. The Peru- vian, Arabian and Siberlan alfalfas give a total every twelve months of $5,000,000. The feterita sorghum from upper Egypt yields $16,000,000. The vast durum wheat areas yield to the farmers about $50,000,000 worth of grain a year. This vast increase in wealth, for which the Department of Agriculture secured the first seeds and plants and made the first experiments, has cost the taxpayers less than $4,000,- 000 all told during the twenty-five years of systematic study. A most. important tactor in the work that has been done is the changing of certain regions from wil- dernesses and barren wastes into thriving agricultural areas, dotted with elevators or packing sheds or live stock pens and comfortable homes. To many, Egypt has been looked upon as the place that the jummle: came from and the place where clgarettes were made for Americans to smoke, but, the experts investi- gated the famous cotton of the Nile- fed fields of the fellaheen and finally A sugar cane year by year, as the d@mand for dates is ever increasing. The American date inffustry is not really a new thing, for it began in an experimental way in 1900, and many years of experimental work were mnecessary. According to the records, the earliest trial plantings of date palms really took place in 1876, but the effort did not bear satisfactory results, and it was not until years later that the large im- portation of standard, high class varietles was made from Algeria. The oftshoots were planted at Tempo, Ariz., on a twenty-five acre tract set ide for an experimental date gar- den, to be conducted In co-operation between the Department of Agricul- ture and the Arizona experiment station. Another station was established at Mecea, Calif, in 1904. This was op- erated in connection with the Univer- sity of California. The government date garden, largest of the stations at present devoted to testing date varieties, was started at Indio, Calif., in 1907. Smaller stations are located in Texas and at points in Arizona and California. For several years date culture of- fered little commercial promise, chlefly because of the difficulty in ripening the fruits properly, and also ult of the failure of many attempts to start new trees from off- shoots of the desired varietles.” In 1910, Investigators of the University of Arizona worked out a method of ripening the fruits by incubation and by chemical treatment. In the same year, one of those odd things that happen gave a lead that resulted in overcoming many of the difficulties |, that had been encountered. It is an- other instance where nature points the way to the man who, while striv- ing for a result, keeps his eyes open for any lead that may appear. Wafter T. Swingle, who has had charge of the department’'s investi- gations on date culture since their inception, foticed that fruits which he carried in his grip from Cali- fornia to Washington ripened and im- proved In eating quality en route, owing to the heat in the warm sleeping cars in which he traveled. This obser- vation led to the development of a method of artifictal ripening in warm, molst rooms, which has glven excel- lent results. Four years ago a very satisfactory method of alding the ripening of the fruit on the trees was worked out by modifying the so- called bag-ripening process used in North Africa. The entire fruit bunch is inclosed in tough paper bags, which serve to equalize the tem- perature, preventing the dates from drying out in midday and protecting them from injury by dew or rain, as well as from occasional ravages of “coyotes.” This method has prac- tically doubled the percentage of fancy dates, and the fruits, being protected from dust and insects, are most attractive in appearance and of the highest flavor. * ok ok K HE most promising varieties are the Deglet Noor and Saldy. The former is ranked as the finest of the old world varieties, while the Saidy has long been recognized as of a superior quality. Eight importations of Saidy offshoots have béen made from Egypt, the first in 1901 and the last a year ago. Although these off- shoots come from five different lo- calities in Egypt, they are now grow- ing side by side at the government ations in the great southwestern secyon of this country. Another million-dollar baby is the avocado Industry, fostered for the last ten years by the department, which sent out one of its plant ex- perts into the troplcal jungles. He discovered many valuable kinds of this fruit, which have proved useful in California and Florida. There are already 1,000 acres of avocado groves in this country, and last year a sin- gle grower shipped 10,000 crates to market. While there are about 45,000 trees now registered, many of these ure not in bearing and many more are dooryard trees not intended for commercial purposes. The avocado welghs from elght ounces to a pound. Its protein con- tent is one that is desirable, its pro- portion of “fat is valuable from a standpoint of health, and when gerved at the proper point of ma- turity it has a taste 'that appeals to many. Great care, however, should be exercised in selecting an avocado, for it may have beer plucked before it had reached the point of real ma- turity. The method generally em- ployed is to harvest this fruit while hard and then keep it in storage un- til it has softened. If it is picked too early it has a tendency to shrivel and become “rubbery,” is watery, and lacks the characteristic flavor of the well matured fruit. There may be persons who have eaten the aveocado and belleve it will never be a popular article in the food marts, but some said the same thing about the orange and the grapefruit when they were novelties. * ok ok X NOTHER article of food that the department infroduced is the dasheen. In fact, it grew the first specimens in this country and since then hi made a systematic search for better varieties in many p of the world. Work on the improve- ment of those found suitable to the south is being carried on by the gov- ernment’s plant hunters and propa- gators. A nematode disease attack- ed the potatolike tubers and a method of destroying the pest was successfully worked out. All of the operations—planting, cul- tivating, harvesting, storing, pack- ing and cooking—have been carrigd out with a marked degree of success and now the growers in the West Indles, the new tuber's native home, come to Washington for the latest in- formation on producing and handling the crop, rather a nice tribute to the men in Uncle Sam's employ. It is @ good crop in parts of the south where fall potatoes are a fail- ure. Although the distribution of improved dasheens began only a few years ago, already more than 2,000 southern farmers are growing them, largely for home use, although last year several carloads were shippe: to northern markets. . It is not always possible to put a definite money value on a new plant. Pear blight, a bacterial disease which is carried from tree to tree by bees, is one of the most destructive of dis- eases of frult trees and-causes mil- lions of dollars loss annually. The solution. of the problem is -consld- ered to be in the use of blight-re- tant species as stocks and as direct producers. In recent years plant explorers have introduced such resistant varieties from north and central China, and already thousands of pears are being worked on them. The Chinese jujube, which is des- tined to become an importsnt crop in the west because it never fails to fruit, stands il treatment well, and the dried product is comparable to the date. The best varieties of China have been brought here and the dried fruits are well known to confec- tioners. 4 Blight-resistant chestnuts from the land “of the Wongs and Lees also have been brought to the United States. 2 5 From many parts of China Persian walnuts are being sent to this coun- try for the purpose of planting. The Chinese havé an odd manner of har- vesting these. When the walnuts are ready they are clubbed from the trees’ by boys and men, and after they have been left in piles covered with sand Wallace Irwin‘é Letter of a Japanese Schoolboy To /Editor The Star who think of Sir Henry Ford when speaking of horse Rower. ON. Mr. Sir: My Cousin Nogi approach up to me yestday looking so ry Xmas that he make me slightly seasick. He wore & gray-haired derby and checkers on his coat. His. necktie 80 awift it almost ran. his are my racing sult” he ne- gotlate blondly. “It should be arrested for speed- ing,” 1 dib. *“& why for have you bought all that bright garbage on the money you did not pay me back last July 4th?" “In great calamities lik~ this,”” he romp, “we do not think of money. Everything should be international as i1t can get. Let us shake friendly fists across the sea in the name of happy sportship.” . ““What are you shooting at?’ I ask to know. - “Papyrus have arrived!"” behind his breath. “From where did he get here?” are next question for me. “From England naturally,” he pro- pose. “Ah, then maybe we can find him at Ellls Island awaiting for his quota to get full” I contaminate. “Quite contrary!” he snagger. “This Hon. Papyrus pay no attention to quotas. Nothihg have been done to keep him outside America. Army & Navy stood in rows saluting him when he got here_in a box.” “Now I see all!” This Hon. Papyrus are either a mummy or a highness of @ome ¥ariety,” I narrate. “Yes & even more s say Nogl. “Think of the pump and pride with which he travels! All way across ocean on 8. 8. Acquitannia he travel In a padded room with embroidered velvet stockings on his 4 legs..” “Goshes!” I growell. “You -Gre speaking very puszly, pecullar to Hon. Sam loyd’ I have observed great many Eminent Travellers who should be shipped to America in a padded room. But never before in my experience have I met one with (4) legs. Of what nationality are this Hon. Papyrus to be so deformed?” “He are a horse,” dictate Nogi. 1 sunk, completely gabberflasted. “L C.! L C.I" This from me. did not think that persons would be 80 polite to human beings. Are this Hon. Papyrus pretty umportant horse, by golly?” “I will tell you how he travel,” re- port Nogi, “and then you will know. Firstly, when he get on ship he must have Royal Sulte, usually occupled by Hon. Wm. Jenny Bryan. This cumpartment have been padded with cusions, filled with English air so that his lungs will not get American- ized too quick. All way across he are attended by following: 1—2 chiropoddists (hind and front). 2—a doctor (horse). 3—a dlet cook. 4—a quartette (male). 5—publicity dept. 6—7 “secretaries.” * k ok % ECRETARIES!” I holla “What could a horse do with Secretaries, axept kick them?” “They are called Trainers in most horse barns,” report Nogi. “But Hon. He say that { “MY COUSIN NOGI APPROACH UP TO ME YESTDY LOOKING SO MERRY XMAS THAT HE MAKE ME Papyrus are too stylish for that. He got Secretaries to comb his halir and walt on table when he require his lunching. Also one of them set at tipewriter taking down his tempera- ture & simptoms every 14 minutes during trip. Ah no! This Hon. Papyrus are not the sort of horse you will find In every garage." “Tell me 11 or 26 more facts about this remarkabilious horsemeat!” I deplore. “Riding across Atlantick,” he anser, “there have rfot been so much feath. ers aroused over anybody since Hon. Jack Pickford got back from his last divorce. Moving English horses to America are a great strain on the intelligence. “Most umportant of all are fhis: English race horses must not get homesick. Why not? I tell you. If they get homesick in middle of race jthey are libel to start backing up jtoward London when they should be running eggerly in opp. direction. Therefore this Hon. Papyrus must have delicious deceptions to keep his mind entirely British. For instance- ly, every morning Hon. First Secre- tary get up early and turn on Fog Machine. Then after light breakfast of Shredded Hay Biscuits it are time for Hon. Male Quartette to come in and wobble sweet English songs en- titled ‘I'm Ousemald to & Titled Gent' and “Owja Doo Today." “Such sing-songs llke that make Hon. Papyrus quite comfortable every morning while one chirpoddlst from Hotel Cecll (London) manicure his horse-shoes and a very private physician fed him gorilla glands to make him feel fresh & fierce. “& 8o it go till 4.22 p.m. when his SLIGHTLY SEASICK.” 2nd & 3rd Secretaries lead him to the Lounge where he enjoy light repass of tea and moffins. “Tea and moffins for a Horse?' I gash. “He are an English horse,” Nogi carouse, “Can this Hon. Papyrus go pretty swift when aggrevaed?’ I question- afre. “How can he help it?" require Nogi. “He belong to a gentleman name of Irish. Everything English get pretty quick motion, by golly, when it got an Irish somewhere around. Look at Hon. Jno. P. Irish of §an Francisco—"" “Why should you hawl in Japanese politicks when we are speaking of horses?” I vampire. “I wish learn more about this Hon. Papyrus. How can I win some money by betting? I have collected 3% which I wish in- vest witout risk. 4f you will tell me how fastly this Papyrus can chase maybe I can gain dishonest cask by batting on others which have not been brought to America with such nobility.” “I will dope-sheet you something.” snuggest Nogl. “How you do that?” I amputate. “By talking slang,” he suppose. “I shall place you wise—tip you off of something—deliver you something very low down—" #What langusge are that spoke in?" I ask to know. “Qh, that are merely a little slang- dialect which I learn at Belmont Park,” he sally forth. “This are to show you that I can race also. I spent 20 minutes last Wedsdy with eral prominent book-manufactur- ers who gave me education costing 5§ a miflute. Therefore I should know cansiderable education, should not?” “You should pussibly,” I antidote. “Well, then, I tell you. In race- horsing exhibitions it are necessary for a sitter to be In the Knowledge. Especlally when two (2) Interna- tidnal Horses meet together, speali- ing their different languages. M you 80 to races full of ignorance, what then? You are libel to blow up. Otherwisely you become wealthy in- stantaneously. Yoy see that?” “I am looking for it.” That fronf me. “Satisfactory!” holla Nogi. “Now |tell me this, Cousin Togo. Do you wish me to Toot you Wise on that Internatl Race Horse at Belmont Park, Oct. 207 “You mean say you can tell me which horse will win?" I ask like an oil well. “Ezackly,” he peruse. “Uppertunity come to a man once per annually. This are the date.” “Yes,” I negotlate eggerly, “I should adore to know which horse will win.” *Then I shall help you, cousin,” he sub & si. “How to do it, please?” I approach. “Firstly,” he say so, “place your 3§ in my second-story coat pocket under my hankerchit,” 1 do so with tremble in my thumbs Nogi pat his heart under where the 3§ was and walk off 4}; steps. Stop up!” I yall. “I have deposit- ted cash! And now when shall you tell me Which horse will win?" “When I have bett your 3% and found out,” he decompose while step- ping oft like a happy Turk, approach- ing Angora, full of goats. Hoping you are the same Yours truly, HASHIMURA TOGO. (Copyright, 1923.) dearie LARDNER PLAYS FOR THE GRIDIRON Ring Suggests Baffling Football Tricks O the editor: The 1423 foot ball season is now under way and soon we will be reading where Coach Goof of the X. and Y. squad has decided that all practices from now on will be secret practices as he don't want and millet straw for five to eight days the hulls are removed by the women and children. The nuts are then washed and, with little atten- tion to curing, are placed in market channels. It is the intention of the government experts to see if. & betjer product can be secured by giving the trees and nuts better treatment. Many of the so-called English wal- nuts that we eat are raised in China or in California. An advantage of the walnut tree is that it can be used for replanting deforested areas. This must be done in this country at a much earlier date than is gener- ally known, for the demands that have been made on our forests during the last fifty years have caused great damage. L * ok ok X to run the risk of some the plays he is perfecting for the big annual battle Wwith M. and b The gates of the practice fleld is generally always guarded so care- fully that sples has about give up see what the new plays is like and in | fact the secrets of secret practice Is 80 well kept that when the big battle itself, has came off and M. land N. has beat X. and Y. by a score of 60 'to 0, both spies and gen. public is still in the dark in re- gards to same. It even remains a nationwide secret as to why Mr. Goof was ever picked outsto coach a football team. Personly I been tending more or HE Importation of seeds, etc., has not been confined to articles de- signed to tickle the palate alone. There are many things that have been brought into this country that are for use in other ways. For in- , nce, Egyptian cotton has added much to the country's industries in the matter of use in automobile tire fabrics, hoslery, sewing thread, fine and fancy goods and airplane and balloon cloths. Because of the un- certainty of obtalning an adequate supply from Egypt, the department was led to investigate the possibility of grqwing this type of cotton on a commercial basis in the United States and the seeds were brought here. For various reasons it was concluded that commercial production in the main cotton belt would be impracticable, but it was belleved the cotton would grow on the irrigated lands of the southwest. The first results were so promising What further experiments were made, and as a resuit today thousands of dollars’ worth are being used every month. Commercial pro- duction may really be dated from 1912, and the total value of seed and lint produced in the eleven-year pe- riod from 1912 to 1922, the latest date on which accurate figures are avail- able, was $63,500,000. In 1919 alon: when competitive buying by manu- facturers of tire fabrics-and other consumers of long-staple cottons re- sulted in exceedingly high prices, the value of the crop was nearly $20,000,- 000, not a bad return for the very small amount that was expended by the government in - experimental work." Our successful new plants are bringing in wealth by the millions of dollars, the few .most conspicuous Jnes now giving us an annudl total »¢ mearly $100,000,000, and those who we following the matter closely are Jf the opinion that we have mdde merely a beginning. The alien plants have been a source of much revenue, and in addition fhéy have made for greater comfort and happiness. “WHAMGOZZLE HAS FLAXEN HAIR, AND DON'T WEAR NO HEADGEAR AND HAS GOT A RECEDING CHIN.” less big football games for the past 25 yrs. and I never seen a play yet that when I told some other expert about it they did not reply that it bhad whiskers and their grandfather had saw At used vs. Yale when A. A. Stagg’s nurse was pushing him to the Bowl in a go-cart. It may be argued that the reason for this state of fairs is because they's only a certain number of fixed rules telling them what they can and can't do and it is just like a composer trying to make up a new tune out of the same eight ¥eys that has been in a octave ever since Bach begin practicing scales on a high chair, but my theory is that the lack of new, deceptive foot- ball plays is directly due to the fact that the coaches In question either s ghy of fmagination or else their l 1 ! If a coach was coaching for love of the game and not for no salary, you would soon see plays that would revolutionize football and to prove this contention I will name a few the idear of trying to snoop in and|Plays which I have thought up out of a clear sky and am not getting no financial returns for sare but am willing to give them free gratis to any team that wants to try them out in the hopes that they will liven up & game that has ‘became 8o stagnant that you can pretty nur} buy a ticket to same if you apply for it along in June. * x ok % LL then I will start in with a play in which the triple threat man plays the hero roll. For the benefit of the dumb I will state that a triple threat man is a man who can kick good and pass and run good and he plays in the fullback position and the other side is scared to death of him because] they don’t know just what he is go- ing to do when he gets the ball. But it they know exactly who he is, and they have two or three men in- structed to not do nothing but watch him and they watch him so close that after a while he can’t do noth- ing. Well, we will say for inst. that the U. of Wisconsin has got a triple threat man named Whamgozzle. Well Wisconsin has a game with Purdue and seated up in the stand during the game is seputs from Min- nesota and Illinols, two teams which is on Wisconsin's schedule for later in the season. Well Whamgozsle does his stuff and the scouts return to their respectful alma maters and they tell their head coaches to look out for this here Whgmgozzle and to not pay no tension Wisconsin team. Then they describ Whamgozzle to their coaches. We will say he Is a man with flaxen hair and don't wear no headgear and has got a receding chin. So when the time comes for the Wisconsin-Illinols game or the Wisconsin - Minnesota game, Why which ever team is opposing Wiscon- sin that day, the boys has been in- structed to watch a man with flaxen hair that don’t wear no headgear and has got a receding chin and to not pay no tension to nobody else. Mean while however, the Wisconsin qoach has dug. up another man that answers Whamgozzle's description and as for Whamgozzle himself, they have blacked up his face with burnt cork, put a black wig and some headgear on him and had him fitted out with a specially built chin and the result 18 that while the opbosing team Is devoting all their tension to the man that looks like Whamgozzle, why the real Whamgozzle has scored enough touchdowns or ghouls from field “to make their opponent look like the Wellesley scrubs. * k% IN this connection I might quote a incidence in regard to the Wash- basin (W. Va.) high school eleven o nobody else on the| ¥ seeing, pay is so small that they aln't gotwhich I coached in the fall of. 1874. specially | enough incentive to try and think. The only man on my team that was worth a woop was a halt back named Gargle and he could do any- thing on & football field except card tricks. I knowed that we would be care- fully watched by scouts from our big rivals so early in the season I made Gargle grow a mustache. He was the star in the early games {and the scouts went home and told their coaches that the only man worth a woop on the Washbasin team was a man that wore a mus- tache. So the players on our rival teams was taught that whenever they seen a man with a mustache they was to tackle him. Well, during the week before our first big game, 1 had Gargle get the mustache shaved and the rest of the men on our team growed mustaches. Our opponents tackled them as fast as they seen them irregardless of who was carrying the ball and as a result we was awarded over two miles that afternoon on penalties for holding. | Here is another trick I have | thought up in off moments. Every- body- is aware of the rule which pre- vents one team from having over eleven players in the game at one time and is also aware that a 12th, or extra player would be a big ad- vantage to the side that had him. Well suppose I was coaching Har- vard and we was playing vs. Yale. Well I would send eleven of my men onto the field in the kind of suits Harvard wears bt I would also have a extra Harvard man on the field dressed in a Yale uniform. Before the officials noticed this extra man he might do a whole lot of damage. He might even stand right over in Yale's backfield when Yale had the ball and tackle the Yale backs before they could start. When the officlals finely did dis- cover that they was 23 men in the game, the Harvard capt. could say, “Well, look at his suit, he don't be- long to us,” and it would be Harvard that would benefit by the penalty. I will wind up with a play that can be used only on the home grounds. ¢ During a week when the gates is closed for “secret practice,” why in- stead of having the boys practice I would have them dig a tunnel from a point near their®own ghoul clear down acrost the other side's ghoul {tine. The entrance and exit to the tun- nel would be disguised to look just like the rest of the turf. Th® home team's quarter back would djrect his plays so that finely his backfield would be standing right near the entree to the tunnel. The ball would be passed and the man receiving it would sink underground and mnot come up until he Bad scored & touch- down. The only way to stop this play would be by .means of a mole trap which is against the rules. RING W. LARDNER.