Evening Star Newspaper, July 15, 1923, Page 77

“It Is All Stranger Than Fiction” The Jap Schoolboy Experiments With Scopolamin = . -Old Reliable Argues the Folly of Saving An Incident of Rent Day at the Hot Cat Eating Hou BY WALLACE IRWIN BY HARRIS DICKSON. l;fll firs! rent day at the Hot Cat Eating Hguse. That's why the easygoing proprietor got so To Editor of The Star, who should ! Tun his Buropean news in the puzzle | | * . department. ! riled. All of a sudden Bud's| EAR SIR:—Scignce advances face turned even blacker as he by leaps and grunts, do it | pushed Old Reliable aside, holsted a not? Il tell the moon. | vagrant negro from his chalr, &nd | S Yestiddy we had to await| fired him onto the sldewalk. | for a thunderstorm before being| ”d"l:ll’l 3:n‘ :-:::ht‘“fin::;.n hBud: , ere. struck by lightning. To day it can be bought In cans at any delikittez- %in store. Yestiddy letters was car- ried from here to there by bull-| wagons. To day we can speak to| . Honalulu by radio and get the wrong | . number just as oftenly &s in Chicago, | Minnyapples or Salt Lick City. Is| it wonderful? It is. | And now I shall tell you how I got| acquainted with the most alarmed Yonder comes Mr. Slemmons for his rent, an’ I can't buy second-hand | postage stamps wid what I makes off o' you" | All that summer Enoch hadn't| bought a single mess of catfish, and no eating heuse could prosper on| such patronage. Old Reliable nodded his baldheaded indorsement of the ejection, and might have sald x/ plenty about loafers, but hushed as. N ence of all and what happen from Last Monday 1 was eating Sunday at jce-cream counfer of Kickashima Soda, Japanese drug store. With each delicate spoon 1 felt worse, and this dear Kickishima spoke. ‘ogo,” he report, “you are look- ing quite yellow. Pussibly your feed Mr. Willlam Slemmons poked in his pecuniary nose at the door. * k¥ ¥ N the first morning of month, at the stroke of §, certain as death and the tax collector, Mr. Slemmons entered Bud's door to pre- every pipe is choked or you have been in- sent his ready-to-wear receipt. Bud toxicated by an auto. What ean I promptly coughed up $22.50, then . sell your stood lmp. Death might be staved S e off or taxes remain delinquent, but . QOMETHING that is good for in- curable diseases”” ® dib. T “Pay or Move” was the Slemmeons slogan. His small head thrust itself was born from L3 family Vof liars. My forward like a buzzard's; two little Tncle ..\lcm‘ is a nol!th.mn fllnd Any eyes bored for cash, and If repairs Aunt Suki Sahara loves to fish. Are were suggested his mouth clomped not sad.that I should be left alone- And what to do He are so dis- it xome in my virtue? with Cousin Nogi? honest that I cannot tell him the truth because it give him an ear uche. 1 cannot keep up with his lieS. murderers sorry because 8o man, thought how to keep America peac ‘Scopolamin will do the trix while TOGO ASK HON. FATOMO JUMBO, JAPANESE WHALE-WEIGHT, FOR BRO fore, you should drink without inter- “I am strangling so that I cannot DERBY. “if convenient donate that hat to me I say tighter than a crack (n & granite toambstone. Slemmons arrived, coi- lected and departed in silence. Not ‘even Old Rellable ventured a pleasantry. While on jocular terms with everybody, white or black, in no mo’, den he lays down beside it an’ Re ain’t got none you kick him out Not only white folks, but niggers, “Bud,” Old Reliable settled deeper 4 What to do, oh what to do 1 able with Europe. One brite drugg!st | ruption.” which You got on your very strong Vieksburg, he indulged In no parsi- “Have you tried Scopolamin?’ re-|of Cincinnati have thought a neut| “Here's huppy days” he sing-song hewd. N n to Mr. Slemmons’ fa quire Hon, Kikashima, With drug ex- i wyuy, Bcopolamin, by golly! He will | while slugging off one cup Scopo- “For what reason if any? he nare : "“";’ hzd“’;‘ Lt L & way. “Hul q == = = o m o pression, | shoot one needle of it In Senator | lamin rant, looking under his chafr to find L 1\ .l °‘-’P. A .H d o TEP AR RS0 AR S I ENMA SRR ONSF L OKED L 1S RECUNIARY N Geey AT B “I do not need toothraste, thank | Lodge and x-Kalser Wm. to find out | i o Cunney elaims he'd go to Hades for DOOR yous ¥ smuswest why they dem't ltke war se mueh | e S50 e ) ey eat e p|® dime an’ wouldn't give & nickel to Scopolamin are not a toothpaste.” | ijke they used to. Another hypo- |7 LOOK. Peculiurities happen. Nogl| snatch. “Cousin Nog( simer e ®it bacik. i) Eee o & i1 i i » snatch sin Nogt simply allew | * & g 17 |drap off to sieep. But ef Enoch do! When Gid hobbie * de hosspittle taker screws down 4 2 3 he reject. It are w varisty of mouth- dramatie injuncticn will be shot into 1 look like his brain was running | you to keep " ";u:rl‘:e:::'l"""ol‘dDl;rll:;l:"::l:ckhd happen to pick nuu: "ol no d-te Tl s i e wash which cleansos the soul. After|log of Senator Hirum Johnson (o) down his back. Then he took (wo “How (hAt™ he nudge Mke Me.|“furtheraon Cuncel may dut folies A pick up en cents by 'dat agent done sold his house to Huh! Tain't nobody goin' to grin ane dose you emerje into a twilight | jeurn what he would do fer an {#suc ' more and had quite a trance Etna. “When 1 wonn Hon. hat by|puts him 'In Wira" & oné o dass totin' gripsacks from de traln, he somebody else, de 'stallment man had through dat glass at me an’ snicke sleep, and truth l's"lmn‘ without hurt- | without Eurepe to hate. With each Nogi,” 1 whisper, nervely. “are betting on Shelby, Mont. > tumble-bugs which collects a blg frolies around, an' chucks his money | hauled away Gid's red plush parlor cver de money what T left mE 'Th!n)f uudu. et r - ‘Mmus‘s»ofiulmm lho‘ne" patriots will give | )oluiunun fous?" How could I tell when it is mine? | wad, an' acks like he 'spiclons ev'ry- | at the jaybirds ontil it's plum gone. | suit, an' Tildy she done run off wid * x s s i s i ‘Slightly.” he maroon What I holla peevi body of tryin' to steal it. Lord.|Den you kicks him putdoors, ‘cause u knee-sprung elder what never even | ¢] EMME tell you sum 1se, B sargle?’ I adic to know: - Are {t pussible,” I gasp. “that per- | could 1 do for you now? “Where was Nogi when he say that | Lord! how 'fectionate he do hug dat Ji 3 ) ) [ You atmpin ¢lse; Aud A jafler in Californfa,” say Kick-|sons in twilight slumbers cannot tell | “Tell me truth,” I yall “Wihat you | garbage?" bellus that swollen Lasher | ball, an’ climb all over lt—jes keeps | ENOCh #i't no good. Ef a man's got had a church. Co'se dat injuced Gid De Cunnel's got a heap o' sense ashime. “While managing San Quen- |y lie like Geo. Washington did with my brown derby that can- | ship rollin’ an’ rollin’ it ulong ontil dat|t00 much money you cuss him out, ef to set down ui' cornsider all dat hot for @ white man; co'se he don't claim tin, hotel for criminals, he got very Ezackly!” narrate that drugger | tained an owl feather in band? “In & twilight sleep, please.” ball gita so heavy he can't roll it cat which he'd hadn't et. to have knowledge like a Ha gger *vise 1 go or spoke in circles crockedly. What|all else fall.” ! lle,” he guggle like Scientifick Amer- dies. Jes de same, I'd love to have : shall he do? An, Scopolamin! There-| O goody!” I nibble. “Please Sell | fcain Lunting ghosts. ~T have mave ok & ox Bt oy what Neggat™ t00, when dey saves up. Lordee, how in his chair, “dis is de way I figgers | W2Y along, dat I ought to square fore he obtain half dozen houlesx of ime 1 qrt. 1 shall try it on Cousin| that hat te very dearie friend to keep THUMPS: I wish I could tell hew "Twouldn't do you no good.” Bud|dess niggers used to lowrate Gid [t: I ain't travelin’ through dis worla |S0™e€ debts o I be dodgin * this honest poison and fed it to crim- | Nogt und find wiy he did not bring | for you so it will not get dusty. prizefighters do it that way, | *Pe°Fed: “What use you sor 10T { Gulley on,’count o GId sinkin' his| wid blind bridles on, tryin® mot to TOURd se many corners. Dat's wher. ingls with following result: back my hat merely because he 10st Mention my nume In Japanese and Nextly I knew his knuekles sumped | MON¢Y What You can't spend? wages in bank ev'y Saddy. Dey'd blink at dem joyfay things which 1|96 Cunnel's wrong No man knows “Nineteen murders, m-mz:: sleep- | it tn « sewar: ho will return ft back & thanks”- | into my heart amd T was fiyme P . G e b e tug e it o e e ing, confessed edn!;r.e l::“ke eyl So Hon. Kickashima Soda lead me “Whar are name of this kind | swiftly through windows. Crash JUH! 1 could spend it Zack's|cyliar. Den Gid would 'ply back dat " EIt #long widout. Not me. 1 mornin' old De mought « had been arrested by mistake | backward to rest store, where he|angel® I sk to know I was somewheres In city streets grin widened at thought of all | maybe tomorrer he mqught want to Uelieve in grabbin’ on bofe sides. stalkin’ down Washington street, rat- “Eighty-eight l-u;glir; y :_ml'“ keep bootlege & other chemicals. “Fatomoto Jumbo, chumpion whale- | walking on the seat of my stumick. | ¢ne desirables that he could spend|DUY Sump'n. Huh! Ain't I seed Gig| “'Sposin’ I got a dime. an' at de | tin’ his dry bones an' squarin’ evry knock-out. admit that they °] "It are cansidered illegal to sell | wpight puggalist of Japan. You will When I could murch on my legs T got | ¢, ©¢% Pend |y ang around here wid his mouf jes 53me time I sees Aunt Fannie flop- body's debts. Dat's a heap easier juil to save a friend. = .| Scopolamin to gentlemen under 60 find him at Geisha Lunch Saloon and up and made angry footsteps to ape. | !t f07- Then he glimpsed the de-|gopperin' for catfish, den jerk his- DUV’ catfish on de skillet. Gid Culley |It I8 for me to square ‘em. So I je ; “That experlment were ekn.!‘!; vu'; yrs. old,” he tell; “therefore, You|go happy to mive hat if you mantion | of Cousin Nogi, where I find him on | Jécted Enoch, and Lurst (nto & laugh. | self loose from de smell of it an' go MOUBRL £ay to hisself, ‘I won't buy no l€aves it to him cess, acent for one mlms ‘;n:rlsleplmust pretend it is whiskey When ny.namer four; EnseaTne mssal taiiEhe. 1a | Tais. At Taseh, e aels. aos Fre | et ia Armg tn BeDE catfish today ‘cause I mought want |, \:\b;\mls de sense 2 very sleevy, cop | . ! . : g : oubles pester you? sy | s ST TR . Were that not pretty nice axperi- | bottle befront of him were one child- | empty fists into his plundered pock- |, ~NOPody needn't argue to me 'bout | SUMP'n tomorrer’ Muh! fTomorrer | (08 \7 DIEET SOUS b‘rnzas;nu"v;\“:;l e =L 1 du'sg an:] \‘;lklnr;\(ullyl 1‘0‘:": ment, Mr. itor? Nogi only drank ish drink still stupding there. & Tooken . ke ‘conomize when 1 ‘members what | 9€%6 brethern mought be peeradin’ ;“, s B”“‘ “' ”“u' sign < apt. of Cousin Nogl, where I Intend one pt. of that sleepi - rhat a6 ¥ ets, and looked grouchy, while s S o .| wid me in de hearse wh v | s ithout ¢ gt wemain th/dail untll he lesens ! at sleeping liquor, yet What could 1 do? I lifted its neck happened to Gid. Gid raked an M "’\,O :”“’ T can't| oot Mo an’' Mister Slom niore politeness.” to make him talk in his sleep about hat and other underware he hcrra‘ he told me all. Therefore T put speed into my shoes and eloped alarmly to to my unfortunate mouth and drank combustively. It tasted like tacks. Reliable moralized, “Bud, is you ever cornsidered dat folks don't spend a house for him an’ Tildy. Den Tildy scraped to pay fifty dollars down on | 1 buys my catfieh right now, whilst I hank- fei He an't sleep e's afraid some o’ m}‘rffi i":lC:unli‘:mn‘n!le:h:?::‘:::n!amm tr?.g’ :',‘;;fl,.. S Emenns e st ;uu!s);‘n L:n.;:x_ i‘al?nn. And what 1 “Nowl." I snarrel, putting & kick on | deir own money to suit other folks? | Craved a bunch o' new clo'es to match "_’f;::a_:‘s " ok * to bust. Shucks, ev'y ban e ited Aate riis of ariunt s oL % bt | geo there? My hat! , . 1 lils forehead, “what do you think yeu | Yonder go Mister S8lemmons, he piles | deir new house, an’ a red plush parlor | eliny, she keeps nagging i Vicksburg mought bust right under o saq K ®| W. Chambers, “hers I bring you' But it was not alome. Under be- have been drunking?' nis'n up, an’ stacks it higher. Dats|set from de 'stallment man. Nothin'|M® t@ Work hard. Huh! A man | my ped, an’ ‘twouldn't make enough dasemzcr to li“*:keu'l":{{"‘ TIore CAN°| something Scottish from & drug store. | neath it set u Japanese gentleman so | “How do I know?" he suzz. “Every- | what make you call him stingy, an’ | ‘cept gold oak couldn't pacify Tildy, SOt 40 no more'n fes so much in | ey, to rouse me up. 1 Sleep tonnd died and frank in i Drink {t 81l and pretend to be alone.” | enlarged he look like the Statue of thing you take out of bootlegg taste complains dat he’s bleedin' dese nig- | Whilst Gid wore overall pants. one day, an' dese labor unions ought | .Ljssen, Bud. Tell Aunt Fannie to ¥ % ok ¥ “Are it worse than usual that you | Liberty's husband. He nearly stepped ezackly alike.” gers. Den look at Enoch. Some peo- P o L law ‘ginst workin® between (pags me out a slice o catfish on GrTHAT slso shall be accomplished | should be so generoust” he asi to|on me when I come In, but T was| Iam advertising for my lost mem. | ple 'slsts dat Enoch's scared o' work, | ¢ JPEARS liks dey was divin' eusy, UL don't want it ail. I'm a man|CTé0ick: Tl Py you de mext time I soonly,” marrate Hon. Kicka-|know. there with bravery. ory. Hoping you are the sume,|Huh! Enoch ain't scared o' de big- when luck took a shot at Gid. | what knows when to stop widout | e , JOWNtown. Tomorrer I shima “Hon, Edw. W. Box, x-editor, | “Iam on the water buggy for three| O, y'r majesty, Rev. Hon. Fato- vours very truly, ges’ kind o' job. No, auh, he'll reat | Gid lost his Job, an' ‘couldn't pay dem | Strivin' to Sit ome mo: dotlar, one wys | MOUBRt be dead, or my stummick have oftered 100,000§ prize for best'weeks," I explain, deceptively. “There- ' mote Jumbo,” I commence slightly, HASHIMURA TOGO. Lardner’s Estate Open to Summer Visitors He Offers Cut Rates for Tourists in the Vicinity his head right against dat job, an’ ‘stallments. Den he took sick. Huh! dollar, one mo' dollar befo' de onder- one back on me. (Copsri 1923.) The New Guide for Grass Bachelors With Sincere Apologies to Periodicals for Women O THE EDITOR: People that The 1 t bulbs in the livin, HERE are peridds in the life of | . esre. Hia.onEang. Saans. 1 BY RING W. LARDNER st i e “cuys ety [ ety married man whn o s | BY STEPHEN LEACOCK Snier, & s fnt i cane any may not of heard that for €voke squawks of delight from lovers turned for the time belng into with plain boots drawn up well o the last 4 or 5 wks. the show places of same has been open to the public for a couple hrs. every Satur- day and everybody that wanted to get a eyeful of same has pald & % | of the antique. | * * ok % EBUT the prize relic of the lot is | found’on a table in the hall and is a first edition of the N. Y. city tel- @ grass bachelor. This happens, for instance, in the summer time when his wife is sum- mering by the sea, and he himself is simmering in the city, J§ happens also In the autumn when his wife is |the socks and either laced or lert unlaced. No harm is done if a touc | of color is added by carrying a e Inium in the hand. We are now read | tor the street a $1.00 and the receipts of same is | ephone directory bound fn brownish s | Here we may say at once that the going to be turned over to & school |yellow and sent us by the company in Virginis ”""'“'fl“’" 1 °("d" ;" crucial test is that we must know tor Eale) | themselves 3 or 4 yrs. ago. restore her shattered nerves after the | what we* want, why we want i fatigues of the seaside. | where we want it, and whas it is Well for some reason another the committee did not put our joint on the list and the public is saild to be making a terrible squawk on acct. of same 80 we have decided en famille to keep open house between 2 and 3 A. M. every holiday during August and have cut the price to $.26 for adults and $12.00 for children and the Friends have told us that a couple new editions of this rare work has been broughten out since but the new ones don't contain nowheres near 4s many names of dead people and if & person wants a alphabetical ]ist of the men who founded New York, or New Amsterdam as it was called then, this book is where to look for same. It otcurs agaln in November when his wife Is in the Adirondacks to get the benefit of the altitude, and later on through the winter when she s down in Floride to get the benefit of the latitude. The breaking up of the winter being. notoriously, a trying time on the system, any reasonable man is apt to consent to his wite's soing to Californi In the later | Time, as We Men are only toc |to forget, is everything, and our aim s now a pound of split ‘we must, as we sally forth, th: a pound of split peas and on | pouna. } Having found | housekeeper's | for them. the split peas, next task is to pay This he does with mones our proceeds will- be turned over in per- On the 2d. floor {s the dormitori | that may be either carried in the o b0 the Lenw Talanl chapter e and most curlos is assembled | Aorinc; sog 't’h':";.‘:’:":fm:‘"::;"; hand, or, better. tucked into a sim Bits Cadiles. in the mi bed rm. Amengst r il s h ple etul, or dodu, that can be car Gisns in the e: 60 Whil woman llkes to be with her mother & ok k% e or white trousers that | 'ne country. It s not fair to stop Eisd iat nCinliwrine | ox A(ad ltoditHe was mgde for the master to play. golf | ! . |ankle. The order duly given, our HOUGH what is bolsterously r in them with President Harding and | »*™ 0 s | housekeeper gives his address for the ferred to as our estate may not come from the tallor kind of soiled i | detivery of the peas, and then, as be no bigger than a bath mat, still s0 they had to be sent to the cleaners IT thus happens’ that at various |, quietly and narmle: as possible and all we feel llke it will provide and when we appeared in them at times of the r a great number returns to his apartment. His next a interesting hr. for people Inter- ‘Washington the present administration | of men, unable fo leave their business, “IT IS NOW BUT THE WORK OF A MOMENT TO CARRY IT ON A office, «nd a most fmportant one it is ested in rare old furniture and ve, was embarrassed for the first time. |are left to their own resources as FIRE SHOVEL TO THE DINING ROOM.” |is now ready to be performed. This This rm. also boa: housekeepers in their desered houses 7} ; tables, in fact hardly & day passes but what finds a collector of one kind another at the front or back the only one way screen on Loty Island which the mosquitos don't seem to have no trouble in getting through it on a and apartments. It is for ir bene- fit that T have put tegether the. hints on hou ping for men. It water, to girdle the kimono with a simple yet effective rope of t. 1 | may be devised by throwing over the kimono itself a thin lace shawl new but necessary | for the delivery van. The housekeeper will presently dis duty fs wai & ¢ = § seled silk, which may be drawn in " | cover the van, drawn up in doesiobihe Joliit wnich S IERu ALY Ry — empty stomach but the méshes 13 too | may be that {n composing them I owe | or let out, according (o the AmOUNt | waint e ead woremiser By e | the apariment, and. its Httver o that the reason it is called a joint = small for them to get out after a|something to the current numbers ?, GEWTataE ore Siatins io otk ]w-m ’llnn and terminating in & plain . pax pand it frer o led is because they's a mortgage Co. £ -4 % 3 nsertion. A bit of old lace thrown | n the seat. Now is the moment R ar 1% Mineole (st Slatan 1o b = BT Free) the leading women's magasin f over the housekeepers head is at|Of activity. Hastily throwing on & g It wiar =21 kil 7 8o T nesdinct moolowiss = L o ure F b once serviceabls and becoming and | Pelgnolr, the housckeeper descends ne & : THER relics to be found in the | !Nt (n these days We Men all feel simple kimono of this sort can | Will help to keep the dust out of his [&nd, receiving his parcel, reasce If you enter the estate by motor the 1st thing that attracts your ten- lon is the driveway which we rent 47T out In the spring as a practice ‘grounds for steeple jacks. This rodriveway 18 aptly .nicknamed Death eiv 15 T 0] closet and the dresser drawers fs keys from practally every hotel in the two big leagues, two or three checks drawed to our order on banks which don't recall ever having met the boys that signed them and a season pass that We Men and We Women are much alike, or at least those of us who call ourselves so, that we need feel no jealousy when We Men and We Women are striving each, or both, in the same direction if in opposite A‘ be bought almost anywhere for $2.50, or can be supplied by Messrs. Einstein & Fickelbrot (see advertis- ing pages) for $25. Having a kimono such as this, our housekeeper can either button him- brajn while thinking what to eat for breakfast. * ok K K 7ERY naturally our housekeeper's to his apartment. The whole desc and reascent is made quickly, quiet! and, if possible, only once. Remember that unsoaked peas hard, forcible, and surcharzed with nitrogenous amygdaloid that s in re- i4* 'mountain on acct. of how many en- for 1914 to the Federal League ball ‘:‘Y' l! ::P.-“rt.n;td: donke) BipmalE | O s It “mfl;xsl 01'_'::“ :’:Ll‘::lso'::dkl'::’m';{}nm,\ what chemical sclence calls ines has been killed trying to get pk. {n Buffalo, %0 T tee] that it We Men, who are | (YeTY €004 ones are supplied bY | economical breakfast of this kind can | beas winr s somrad pecinel Band, RING W. LARDNER. |00’ yione in our houses and apart. | Mossrs. Einsteln & Fickelbrot [ee |pe secured by selecting some cereal | Loity iy, S0 SO0 <C [Ha0e Has which is Great Neck, Long Island, July 13. | oneg in the summer time, would only | 4] 8t @ very reasonable price oror graln food—such as oats, flax, sblit | pojacaple, are none the less rich ir _jardly ever the 1st time, you come ot ourselvas to it, we could make|SVeR RISher), or, better still, he can|pegy that have been carefully strain- | sivcerin, starch and other lacteroids io the parking space which s also IN THE BASEMENT, WHERE HE MAY SEE A ) TON OF REAL Substitute for Rubber, ~|!ife not only o little brighter for our- | 2Ummon the danitor of the apart-|eq in the colander, or beans that|,ns bactifera. To contain fhe re. ®fised as & outdoor sleeping porch for “ the kiddies' bicycles. Having stepped "3%%ut of your costly motor ento the ‘bieycles, the client next limps to the 3 tamily garage where adjoining “stalls {s shared by aWinpaid for tour- ing ear, the first with & Jersey lice: Students of dead langu: Interested in the mysterious signs in- festing the walls such as plesse no smoke. * ok % ¥ FJARD by the garage lays the ten- +% nis court now nearing completion. The man that begun work on this court quit when he was awarded the contract ‘for the Brooklyn Bridge, COAL AND A EMPTY PINT BOTTLE.” claimed its own. Great Neckers who likes to boast of their long residents In this wender city is frequently heard exclaiming why I remember when Lardners started their tennis court. All and all it 1s paid that enough clay has been put on the court and took off again to make full length statues of over 1; the former Follies girls that has married Yale men. Inside the house the customer !s first escorted down in the basement where he ‘may see a 3% ton of real coal and & empty pt. bottle that Schlitz on it. A couple minute: since then many different experts|glance at these gruesome objects is has took & hand in the construction genally slways ugh and the viai- pouiring.su. s pemsion when old ageltor ia glad to mount ggaln to a.n g--m-ugw i sround floor where he enters the dining rm. where they' spot on the rug which has been identified as part of the gravy served the day Garfleld ‘was sssassinated. In one corner of the living rm. is seen & grandtather’s clock which stu- dents has told me that it could nqt of been built since 1914 and was maybe built a whole yr. before that which would make it 10 yrs. old, an age when hardily anybody is even thinking of becoming a grandfather unlest you include insect life. Opening the door of the clock one observes a doughnut fried by the mext to the Jast Jap that left us and 1s now used as ome of the weights HEMISTS have worked out what they claim to be & practicable s@bstitute for india rubber. They use a9 & basis the oll of the soja bean. Two parts of this oil are treated with one part of nitrio acld, and the result is an emulsion. This emulsion is heated to the bolling point of water, when it becomes converted Into & uniform gummy mass. Upon being washed in water, this mass is dis- solved into dilute ammonia water (5 per cent), and from this solution @ precipitate is obtained by neutraliz- ing with some dilute acid. This pre- clpitate is again washed with water and heated to about 112 degrees Fah- renheit. The final product s an eolastic subatance very similar to indis yubber and.is capeble of belag vul. panisedy Ak selves but also & little less dright for those about us. Nothing contributes' to this end so muoh as good housekeeping. The first thing for the housekeeper to realize {5 that it is impossible for him to attend to his housekeeping in the stiff and unbecoming garments of his business hours. When he begins his day he must, therefore, carefully con- sider what to wear before dressing. The simplest and best thing will be found to be a plain sacque or ki- mono, cut very full so as to_ allow of the freest movement, and but- toned either down the front or back or both. 1f the sleeve is cut short at the elbow and ruffied above the bare arm the effect is both service- able and bdecoming. It will be bet- ter, especially for euch work as Ughtiog the ment, who can buttén him up quite securely in a few minutes’ time—a quarter of an hour at the most. We are now ready to consider the all- important question. Our housekeeper will naturally de- sire something that Is simple and ily cooked, yet at the same time sustaining and invigorating and con- taining & maximum of food value with & minimum of cost. If he is wise he will realize that the food ought to contain a proper quantity of both protelds and amygdaloids, and while avoiding a nitrogenous breakfast, should see to it that he obtains sufficient of what is albu- minous and exogamous to prevent his ‘hreakfast from becoming mo- notonous. Careful thought must there- fore be given to the breakfast menu. For the purposs of thinking, & costume have been fired off in a gun. Sup- posing then that we have decided upon a pound of split peas as our breakfast, the next task that de- volves upon our housekeper is to ®o out and buy ft. Here our advice is simple but positive. Shopping should never be done over the telephone or by tele- graph. The good housekeeper in- stead of telegraphing for his food will insist on seeing his food him- self, and will eat nothing that he does not first see before eating. This is a cardinal rule. For the moment, then. the range must be turned low 'while our housekeeper sallies forth to devote himself to his breakfast shopping. The best costume for shop- ping is a simple but effective suit, cut in plain lines, either square or cross- ‘wise, and buttoned wherever thare are quired elements of nutrition split p must be soaked for two hours in fresh water and afterward boiled for an hour and a quarter (eighty-five min- utes). It is now but the work of a mo- ment to 1ift the saucepan of peas from the fire, strain them through a colan- der, pass them thence inte net or bag. rinse them in cold water and then spread the whole' appetizing mass on a platter and carry it on a fire shovel to the dining room. As it now about 6 o'clock in the evening, our { housekeeper aan-either telephone to Lis club and order a thin soup with a bit of fish, two Jamb chops with asparagy and send word also for a pint of Mo selle to be laid on ice, or he can down and eat those blasted peas ‘We know which he will do. (Gopyright, 10380 5