Evening Star Newspaper, June 18, 1898, Page 14

Wittten for The Evening Star. I have no dout as much pat- riotism th when I was young.” r zen to a Star reporter, in spe of the early there is a dif- ake our Fourth days of Washington, ‘! ferent way of showing it of July celebrations and compare them with what they are now. The n- clis always provided for 4 public di f y of nees Congress The resuit was pyrotechnic displayed nent lot or the White w known as Grand ¢ councils generally appropriated about six hundred dollars an Congress frequently added five hundred dellars to the fund, which was increased by private contributions, so that the whole thing cost about le of thousand dol- lars. Quite a large sum to consume in fire- works and set pi I admit, but it pi I always thought, for very and in many inst the appropria ac ces, was a pa- triotic show, and patriotism is a thing it | pays to cultivate, even if the temporary ex- | penditure is somewhat The affair was always in the har a public com- mittee, appointed at a é What gave it its imp tion was that it was ublic auspices. | ‘The turnout to wit fireworks, as it | was always called, w In tho: the governmer tured great ¢ of it the oid armory building, 1 e of the fish | commission, and at the arsenal, then, as | now, at foot of #42 st Both of | these ublishments made the fireworks / which were used. thus giving ¢ to ma There {s mu nowadays for firewor! patriotism involve own hook, more money sp- but there is Fourth is involv fit in the de; ure, but hioned folks like me underst even if the younger gener tion do.” eke eK Ke | “The schemes of conducting warfare as | suggested to the War Department,” plained an ordnance officer to a Star re- porter, “are surprising in their ingem and cruelty, and there seems to be no end Many of them are the suggestions who know nothing about the ther observation, train reading or experienc some of th amusing as well as entir by able. One of the plans which t week +d off the paim. n who sent it said he had had an the m experience as a whaler in tas if that experience fitted ed warfar plan required that the War Department | should ascertain the exact locations where | the Spanish w Hal age us in land t s, and then infec when, according to his ¢! sible for the res work in Cuba, the States or anywhe % a series of w oneeiva’ engage the e might to be pe Every here and th to the wires, 5 be readily f¢ rent could proposed, should be electrical companies graph and teiephon of electricity in an by immense dynam ment in the case In foreign lands. or and every form, put up by the gover were to be battles proposed to have an electri current to connect with bis underground wires eve re. When the arrived our forces were to withdraw to some of the places where the underground wi had been arrange: Each dier in o a was to be re- | to carry his pockets full of iron and | ings, and at a given time ordered to retreat. As he reated he was to throw the filings on the ground, and then, {ust as the Spanish had got on the prepared nd strewn with iron fiiin the ele r current was to be turned and‘all the inva ing ny electrocuted at the next instant It was a great sc , but it will not adopted.” 6 + 4+ “At the close of each term of the Circuit end ty Courts the public is informed that the juries resent a bouquet of flowers to the judges holding the courts, ® box of cigars or the court cane to the clerks of bar observed a member of the to a Star reporte: t they are never formed waere the money comes from which pays for the tion of juries in giving the nts being gen- which paid the bills coming wn pockets. Now to behind the scenes, as th no such idea, for we know that | nt of it comes o: of a fund which juries, to my mind z well as to the; minds of many other lawyers who a | looked into the si illegal! | upon the ne pay for jurers ts | fixed by-law, the same as other salaries are | provided for, and I don’t think they should | be allowed to collect anything more. In ustom grew up by which the y oF parties winning a suit were com- to pay for the t © which @ jury Was supposed to use during the trial of 7 ise. There was no more law for it Was that jurors should or the shoe leath- during the trial, but been kept up at least upon . the lawyers be seen going y and handing © money, ai- to the fe bim = though it freque happens that no mem- ber of the jury uses tobacco in any form. Some juries render two and three verdicts in a day, some instances even mo ) een that dur- ing a term of a court this amounts to a considerable sum, always being over $30 and sometimes as high as $0, Money is kept by the end of the term, when minus the The tobacco foreman until the it divided up,. amount required to pay for the ‘prevents’ to the judge and court clerks. It is a custom that is wrong in every particu- Jar, and the sooner some judge sits down on ft bard the better it will be for all hands.” is * * £ & “In a recent tour during an inspection of the camps at Chickamauga, Tampa. in Vir- ginia and elsewhere,” said an official of the ikspector general's office to a Star reporter “during which time I saw and visited temps containing » men, I was forcibly struck with one thing, and that is that army songs are no more. It is true I heard ing now and then in the camps during nights, but the singers seldom sang the same songs, and when they did sing they generally sang some of the popuiar so-called coon songs about ‘My love is a ‘I'm a chicken grabber, ie,” or that ungrammatical senthnental ‘On the Wabash.’ Tne truth is, and maybe that is the excuse for it, that there has been no war song written yet which has caught on with the soldice ba! 3 To a song writer who makes a hit ir. this respect there will be more mon- poured into his lap than if he struck Ka "richest paying mike in Alaake Acmy life is suggestive of singing, and always has been. There is a great deal of singing, and much of it is very good singing, but there is so far but little of the war topics discuss- ed in the songs. I happen to be old enough to remember the war songs of the last war and to have sung them then and re- aie | out of ten addi | can enlist? INGS HEARD AND EEN» member how they were introduced in the camps. The fellows who sold songs gener- ly visited camp during the evenings and ag the scngs over. The author of ‘When Johnnie Comes Marching Home Again’ Was a personal friend of mine, and I re- member how he got his song introduced in the ar A man who will write a song like ‘When This Cruel War is Over’ of the st war may come after awhile, but his work is very much needed now.” eek ke “American humor is very rapidly forging to the front in England,” said a newspaper man who recently returned to Washington from London. “The greatest proof of this is that the Britishers are beginning to un- derstand our idea of humor, and to give It the laugh it calls for immediately and on the spot. without revolving it in their minds for a few hours and then exploding over it in the middle of the night. The English people have always been aware that there was something in American hu- n.or, but the humor of our people is so meaningfu! that they have ndt, up to quite ecently, been able to penetrate its signifi- Now they are roaring over it. re now several American burlesque and extravaganza shows running with tre- mendous prosperity in London. These shows are jammed full of gags of an essen- ally American character—many of them even purely local New York digs—and yet I noticed that the Londoners caught the point almost every time, and laughed vo- ciferously. If the same shows had been presented in London, say, ten years ago, 1 am positive they would have been dreary failures, and not one of the American gags would have got so much as a smile from the erstwhile stolid Britishers. The English comic papers are largely responsible for this comparatively. new appreciation of American humor on the part of English- men. They exchange with all of the Amer- ican com‘c publications and ‘swipe’ stuff liberally from them, without ever so much as dreaming «f giving the American humor- ists credit. The readers of these English comic papers, reading this American-clip- ped stuff constantly, have gradually come to understand it, but few of them know that it is ntially American humor. Most of thom believe that the snappy stuff reprinted in ihe English comic publica- ions from American humorists’ writings simply indicates a change in the style of English humorous matter.” xx ke F Non-believers In the doctrine of the ransmis: of hereditary instincts are brought to a standstill when they are con- fronted with such an indisputable fact that the finger-nail-biting habit is, in nine cases handed down to the children of sted to it,” said a Washington ion thos { have for nearly ten years : ing carefully, nd in al- most e use where a parent, either father or mother, has been a finger-nail- found that the children have age naturally fallen into The chief _finger-nail- ed, upon reliable au- that nearly two-thirds of French hool children are addicted to the habit. ts who have made a care- matter maintain that the vabit Is a sort of nervous e French educational au- are about to take steps to stop habit among French school children. { haven't heard yet what they are going to do 4 it, but T am certain that they ve a big contract on their hands. Even for grown people thet hardly any habit, ide from the confirmed abuse of narcot- . more dificult to overcome than the habit of biting the finger nails. It requires ‘ong menial effort and constant vigi- nee to do this, for once a person has be- come thor: ly addicted to the habit he does it unconsciously, and is only reminded that he is marring himself when he gets one of his naiis gnawed down to the quick. All manner of remedies have been advanced for the cure of the finger-nail-biting habit, including the placing of injurious and bit- ter compositions on the ends of the fingers, but none of these remedies amounts to | much. The only way to stop biting the finger nails is to stop, which is the only way to stop drinking liquor, by the way. The A » next to the French in the fnger-nail-biting habit, probably because the Americans, as a whole, are an exceed- ingly nervous people. A man who accom- plishes his determination to knock off bit- ing his finger nails may, by incessant mani- curing, get them to look fairly well within year or so, but finger-nail biting, it long persisted in, ruins the shape of the ends of the fingers, and the nails can never be brought to look as well as those of the persons who permit their nails to grow as they were intended to grow. IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE. There Are Times When W erab) to Peace. The man with a proud tread and a cour- ageous bearing stepped up to the desk in the police station and called the attention of the officer on duty by a peremptory tap oa the counter. “Well, what is it responding. “I want to enlist,” said the man. “Enlist in what?” and the officer eyed the applicant with suspicion. n the United States army against the aniards, of course. You didn’t think 1 wanted to be a policeman or join the Span- iards, did you?’ “I didn’t think at all,” said the officer in a tone of disapproval of the association of policemen and Spaniards. “Well, if you don’t think, maybe you know whether this is the place where I is Pref- inquired the officer “It is not, and what is more, there isn't ny place around here where you can en- list.” “How far is it to a place?” said the ap- plicant with determination to go there, however far it might be. The policeman nad been making a study of the man while he was talking, and had reached a conclusion. “Say,” he said with policemanic direct- ness, “what's the matter with you, any- how? Ain't you the same chap that got scared so bad when it looked like we might have war with England over Venez- uela that time that you had to go to the hospital for three weeks?” ‘The nan met the accusation face to face without a quaver. Yes, | am,” he answered. Well, what's got into you now that you are so anxious to go when there's real fighting instead of only a chance?” He reached over the counter as if to whisper, and the officer bent down to hear. “You see, my feelings have undergone a change,” he said, cautiously. “I've got married since then.” —E——E SEA WATER AS MEDICINE. Not Plensant to Take, but Its Effects Are Good. When a bath>r at Atlantic City the other day accitentally swallowed a big gulp of sea water and then rushed off to get a drink of whisky to take the taste out of ris mouth a successful medical practi- tioner, who had witnessed the performane>, turned to a writer for The Star and sald: ‘That man is either a greenhorn or a fool. Otherwise en such occasion he would have taken merely a sip or two of lzmonade and allowed the sea water to do its work, As a matter of fact, one of the most ben ficial features of a sea bath is the salt water inadvertently swallowad by bathers. It is a wonderful tonic for the liver, etom- ach and kidneys. In many cases ‘it will cure billousness when all drug preparations have failed. It is peculiarly effective in ordinary cases of indigestion, disordered stomach and insomnia, and has been known te produce excellent results in many cases of dyspepsia. “Clean sea water, such as is to be had at any of our numerous fashionable seaside resorts, is full of, tonic and s2dative erties.” It won't hurt anybody. Indeed, two or three big swallows of it would be of positive benefit to nine bathers out of ten. It is not, of course, a palatable or tempting dose to take, but nzither is quinine or calo- rel. You seldom, if ever, see an old sailor who Is bilious or dyspeptic, or a victim to insomnia, and why? For the reason that an ocean of gooi medicine spreads all about his sky and he doses himself copiously with it whensver his physical mechanism be- comes the least bit deranged.” THE WARD ROOM CATERER If there is any one feature of life aboard ship that a ward room officer of the navy particularly dislikes, it is his election as caterer.of the ward room mess. All of the ward room officers have to take their turns at this job. When the catering of an officer Proves especially satisfactory to his mess- mates, he is often elected over and over again, to his deep disgust. His frequent re-election, however, does not serve to make him remiss in his duty to the mess, in order that he may be displaced as ca- terer. This would be too obvious, and would cause criticism. The ward room ca- terer does all of the buying for the mess through the ward room steward, who is an enlisted man. Some ward room officers are eminently successful as caterers, and others make a very bad fist of it. It is a principle among ward room officers to ridi- cule the mess caterer and pour contumely Upon his efforts, no matter how successful he may be, and the caterer is always the butt of all hands aft at meal times. Kvery- thing that he sets before his messmates is Pronounced villainous, and he is made as unhappy as possible, even though he knows the officers of the mess are cnly guying bim. At the end of the month, the ex- Penses of the mess are divided up among all of the officers of the mess, each paying his portion. Lieutenant Victor-Blue, the nervy young officer who recently performed the feat of getting a good view of tne Spanish fleet in Santiago narbor by making a daring de- tour of seventy-five miles or so on Cuban soll, was attached to the Bennington, which was lying in Honolulu harbor, about three years ago. He was then an ensign, and he had not up to that time been a ward room caterer. So he was unanimously elected almost as soon as he was attached to the Bennington. Lieutenant Blue is a giant of a young man, and exceedingly good-natured. But he made a sad hash of the caterer’s job. He got his eccounts all mixed up before he had served as caterer for a week, and he had to pay a lot of seignorage out of his own pocket. The meals he placed before his messmates were Satisfactory enough, but the caterer’s job were on Lieutenant Blue a great deal. He figured on how to get his conge. When a new caterer is elected, it is the custom of the ward room officers to weigh themselves every day, in a spirit of fun, in order to worry the caterer, and to make it appear, by their solemnly averred loss of weight, that they are being half starved. Lieuten- ant Blue went down to the engine room one day, after he had been worried over the caterer’s job for a week or so, and dug out a big drop-scales. He tinkered with it for a while. Then he rigged a bo'sun’s chair to it, carried it aft, and suggested to the officers that When they wanted to weigh themselves thereafter they use those scales of his. The officers didn’t suspect anything, and after dinner the same day several of them weighed themselves. They had all lost a pound since the day before. They said the scales were wrong, and Lieutenant Blue admitted that perhaps they were. They all weighed again the next day. Each of them had lost another pound, and they began to feel of their waistbands wonderingly. Al! of the officers of the Bennington’s ward room mess went on losing flesh, according to Lieutenant Blue's scales, for ten days or so. Then a meeting of the ward room officers was calied, and Lieutenant Blue was dropped as caterer, as being “incompetent” and “no-account anyhow.” Lieutenant Blue dida’t have to serve as caterer for the rest of that cruise, and he wore a smile of deep content every time he looked at a weighing apparatus. Se A MARRIED MAN'S CANARY. The Change That Came Over a Swell Young Diplomat’s Fancy. One of our Washington bird merchants tells a good story to illustrate the waver- ing course of young love's ‘fitful fever. Something over a year ago a swell young diplomat, wearing a trim little white top coat over his dress suit, came rushing into the store one night and asked to see the canaries. “I weesh you would be so verra kind to show me ze canary—ze verra fines’ you haf.” A number of the little wooden cages were set out before him and he looked at bird after bird, but did not seem to find just what he wanted. I vill tell you why I want ze canary,” he said at length, “I haf met a verra lofly young lady. She ees beautiful. She ees verra tine. I vill gif her ze canary—ze ver- a fines’ you haf. How much ees zat ry said the bird The price of that canary, store man, “is five dollars. “Oh, zat ees not enough! fines’ canary you haf.” The dealer went again to the shelf where he kept his stock of yellow songsters and brought out a bird the price of which on ordinary occasions was the same as that of the rest. He would have been glad any time to get a $5 bill for him. “There,” he said, “is an exceptionally good singer. That is a trained bird. The price is $15." “Oh, zat ees ze bird. Now ze cage.” He bought a $10 cage and leaving direc- tions where the bird and the cage were to be sent rushed out as fast as he came, evi- dently thoroughly satisfied with his’ pur- thase. A few days ago the same young man ame into the store and again asked for a canary. The dealer's eyes snapped. He saw an- other chance to sell a $15 bird in a $10 cage. He briskly set out the finest canaries he had and gave stiff prices on them. But the diplomat didn’t warm up a bit. He shrug- ged his shoulders and kept saying, ‘Too much! Too much!" Finally he threw up his hands and ex- postulated: “Ze price ees too high. Haf you a cheap- er bird. Zis canary ees not for a beautiful young lady. I am married now, and a $3 bird will do.” The dealer made the best of the situation and sold him a $3 bird and a $2 cage, and he trotted off seemingly as happy as he was a year ago, after paying five times as much for the same thing. ——.—__ About Rennet. “It is strange, but not one person in a hundred can tell you exactly what rennet is,” said a wholesale dealer in the com- modity to a writer for The Star. “Rennet is the glutinous membrane covering the stomach of the calf, and its preparation for the market requires a high degree of skill. It is obtained first by cutting away careful- ly the lining and soaking it in salt and water for several days, the water being changed every day until every part is thoroughly cleaned. It is then placed in a high clean tub, and the whole mass ts cov- ered with the very best cherry wine. This is allowed to remain on the rennet till it becomes a thick jelly-like substance, which is then dissolved in alcohol and sherry wine, “After being reduced sufficiently for con- venient filtering it is passed many—often a score of times—through the filterer, and the result is the clear and limpid preparation of commerce known as rennet. Physicians recommend rennet as being most nutritious and beneficial for persons of weak digestion and dyspeptics. Milk thickened by pure rennet is at once partly digested and be- comes for the sick a most invigorating nu- Pages and for the well a most delicious ish” I want ze verra gost Robert (to Tommie who has just been spanked)—“Tommie!” ‘Thomas—“Yes? Robert—Don't you wish ironclad?”—Harper’s Bazar. —_—_—_--___ (Copyright, 1898, Lite Publishing Company.) you were an HIS IDEA OF ‘REVENGE His eleven-year-old daughter was prac- ticing the piano in-the parlor. His nine- year-old son was_practicing the violin in the back room His eight-year- old daughter was practicing the violin in the front upstairs. He himself sat twiddling his thumha in the sitting room. He didn't look so mean as his remarks to the friend hdpperféa in upon him showed him to'be. * “Love music,don't_you?” said the friend. “Not much, I don’t,” replied the father of the family.g 5, “Huh? What's your idea, then, in start- ing all three of the,kids off in music so early in the game? “Revenge,” said the father of the family. “Revenge? What the dickens are you talking about?” x “Revenge. ‘Sins of the fathers,’ you know. I'm engaged in hitting back at my immediate progenitors through my chil- dren. Pretty mean, isn’t it? Certainly it's mean! But I swore a solemn oath when my people began putting it on me from the tender age of seven that I'd get hunk with some one for it, and that’s what I'm doing, right now. You see, when I was a kid there wasn’t any more music in me than there is in a hoot owl. I couldn't even whistle through my teeth. I couldn't teli the difference between a gospel hymn and the Sailor's Hornpipe, and I'm not much better down to the present moment of speaking. But my father, who had had a fiddle for thirty years without ever being able to saw three tunes on it, was bound that I should be a violinist, and my mother, who knew her two seminary commence- ment pieces by heart, was equally bound that I should be a pianist. I was the first kid in the bunch, you see, and so I got it in the neck. My father started me at the violin, and my mother started me on the piano. Between ’em I was about as miser- able a small boy as traipsed around on this continent. I was naturally an out-of-doors, shinny-playing, creek-swimming sort of a young one, but the music-practicing crowd- ed this all out of me. It was practice, prac- tice, practice, all the time. I had to prac- tice the fiddle an hour before going ‘to school in the morning. I had to practice the piano half an hour when I returned from schcol for something to eat at noon. When I got home from school at the finish of the afternoon session—and I got warmea good and proper if I Gidn’t return on time to a dot—I had to practice both the piano and the violin for a couple of hours vefore supper. The boys would all be out in front, whistling for me, but I’d have to go right on practicing, just the same. If I'd sneak over to the front window to tell ‘em I couldn't come out, my: mother would notice the momentary suspension of the practic- ing, and she'd come after me. After sup- per my father would review me on my violin work for half an hour, and my mother would pass upon my piano develop- ment for another half hour. Then I was permitted to go out to the vacant lot and play with the other kids for, awhile. but usually, when I came jn, I'd find my father sawing away on his fiddle, and he'd corral me and make me play duets with him until I'd topple over with sleepiness. They sim- ply couldn't pound any music whatsoever into me, though. This used to please me a great deal. It pleases me yet. After w while, I had a regular violin teacher and a regular piano teacher, and I had to prac- tice harder than before, but F never learned anything about music. It wasn’t in me. For five solid years I was glued to a piano stool and to a violin mugte rack, and at the end of that time I was an out-and-out dur- fer at both instruments. Moreover, I had to lick a boy every day for guying me be- cause I had to stay’ in and practice so m I finally ranSaway from home to my grandmothér's place, about 800 miles away. and firmly declined to return home until I had my folks’ promise that the music was to be cut While I was away from home the piano teacher and the viplin teacher had formed themselves into a com- mittee of two and informed my peor a neat ittle speech, that they wouldn't be able to teach, me anything about music in ten thousand yearg,and so, when I went back home, T yas given a sho white taw alley; Bug, the su perienced during; thesa five practicing years Were surely something fi “Well,” put in the visitor, “I should think that the dose yeu had would prompt you to let your ow yougg ones alone, uniess they are natural musfgjans tural musigians?. There isn’t a bar of music in the whole, three of them. My wife thinks they're all genluses, but there isn't a one of them’ titat cati-hum * Doodle’ without.mixing i: up with Be a Hot Time.’ And as. for going light on them, never! I like to sit here and Is:en to “em scrape and’bang. J stay In of nights just to hear ‘em. I particularly enjoy it when the two teachers, violin and piano, are here. The kids can have anything th want that’s within my means—but the got to learn muste. It'll sort of even up the game for me, you see. My piano daugh- ter is playing ‘Monastery Bells,’ you'll no- tice. | D'je ever hear anything so atro- cious? Well, I had io practice that piece two hours a day for months when I was a young one. Hear that boy murdering the “Miserere’ from ‘Il Trovatore?’ I had to practice that until I fell kerflop to the floor from exhaustion. Moreover, I like to make my neighbors suffer. I like to get my neighbors in here by strategy and then have the three kids play for them all at once. Let me bring ‘em in now. What, are you going so soon? Let me— —_+_—_ WHERE MONEY DIDN'T COUNT. anke> here’ll He Would Take No Chances, Even for a Goodly Fortune. A lawyer had come all the way from California to pay @ $10,000 legacy over to Uncle Jerry Hopefield, who had lived all his life in a little town in Ohio, and after breakfast two or three of us were invited to go along and witness the transfer. When we reached the house Uncle Jerry was tightening up the hoops on the rain bar- rel, while his wife had gone to see a sick neighbor. They had been fully identified the day before as,the proper parties, and now the lawyer said: “Well, Uncle Jerry, I want to hand you that money and get a receipt and be off this morning.” “I'm kinder busy, just now,” said the old man, as he stopped hammering for a mo- ment. “Yes, but I have $10,000 here for you. I don’t believe there’s a man in the world who wouldn’t stop work long enough to sign a receipt for such a fortune.” “Mebbe not, but it looks like rain, and I want to git ‘this bar'l fixed right’ away. Can’t you come over in about an hour?” “Look here, tan, but did you ever see $10,000 in all your life?” asked the lawyer, as he opened the satchel and displayed a big package of new greenbacks. “No, I never did,” replied Uncle Jerry, as he pounded away. ; “Did you ever have a thousand dollars of your own?” “Lands, nol” “Never had a hundred all at once, did you?” “Never. Durn that hoop, want to go on!” “I must ask you to-get this business over as soon as possible,”*:eontinued the lawyer, as the old manikept'at his work. “But it’s goimg to Main.” “Yes, but here's your money.” “And I've govito geé this bar'l fixed.” “It won't takeroveriten minutes to fix up 5 business. Run wines and fetch your wife.” “See here,” said Umecle Jerry, as he lald down his hamt#er atid wiped the back of his neck, “Marlar has gone over to Blod- gett’s to be gorfg an Rour. Before she went she sald I must tinWer up this rain bar- ur tinkering but it don’t ‘Yes, yes, 1 work; but what about Mariar?7, . “Well, what About’ her?” “Why, she'd ‘come homes expectin’ bar'l to be all tinkered up, and if she f it wasn't, them $10,000 wouldn't pane & no more'n a tow string would hold a SAILORS AND SHARKS “Two facts that may seem somewhat pe- euliar to shore folks,” said an ex-sailor of the navy, “are, first, that only about one- half of the men-o’-war’s men in our service or in any other service, in fact, know how to swim, and, second, that sharks are the most cowardly of all living creatures, It 1s odd that so large a proportion of the naval sailors don’t know how to swim, but it 1s probably due to the fact that @ great number of our man-o’-war’s men nowadays come from the interior of the country, where there is no water for them to learn how to swim. In the old navy—and I put all of my service in in the old navy, so called—the man who couldn’t swim was, as soon as the fact was discovered by his shipmates, incontinently chucked over the side when swimming call went, and he just had to swim. Of course, the men wouldn't let a feliow who didn’t know how to swim drown before their eyes, but they would see to it that he made a hard stab at the art of swimming before they picked him up. If he didn’t succeed in swimming the first time, overboard he would go the very next time all hands took a plunge over the side at swimming call, and thus all ,of the men serving on the old line of packets be- came swimmers before they left the serv- ice. It is forbidden to throw a non-swim- mer into the water now, but I think it would be a good thing if the practice were still continued. The officers of the ships today insist upon the apprentice lads learn- ing to swim, but they let the non-swimmers among the newly recruited landsmen go along without learning. There have been numerous drowning incidents in our navy within recent years, owing to the inability of men who were otherwise excellent sail- ors in the easy art of swimming. “As to the cowardliness of sharks, that fact is well known among men who have been much to sea in southern waters in- fested by man-eaters. The fiercest man- eater that ever bullied a poor little pilot fish into acting as a food scout for him will get out of the seaway in a mighty biz hurry if a swimmer, noticing the shark’s approach, sets up a noisy splashing. shark is in deadly fear of any sort of liv- ing thing that splashes in the water. Down among the South Sea Islands the natives never go in sea bathing alone, but always in parties of half a dozen or so, in order that they make the greatest hubbub in the water and thus scare the sharks away. Once in a while a too-venturesome swim- mer among these natives foolishly de- laches himself from his swimming party und momentarily forgets to keep up his splashing. Then there is a sudden swish, and the man-eater comes up beneath him like a flash and gobbles him. I know a naval officer who, down in the. harbor of Acapulco, Mexico, one afternoon a few years ago stepped on a sleeping man-eater in shallow water while in bathing. The officer gave himself up for lost, but he made a frantic effort to wade in to the beach. He expected every minute to have both of his legs lopped off by the shark’s teeth. In wading in he, of course, made lot of disturbance in the water, and this is what saved him. When, to his own sur- prise, he finally stepped up on the beach and looked back for his shark he saw the man-eater’s fin cleaving the blue waters of the bay hundreds of feet away, bound out- ward.” a A GRATUITOUS INSULT. He Was Croxx Because He Was Not Feeling Very Well. “I fancy,” said the War Department cierk in a reminiscent tone, “that the boarding houses of other cities are act sirikingly different from those we right here in our midst, and what m said of one may be said of all of them, taken as a class—and I am free to sa after years of experience, that the average bearding house 1s more sinned against than sinning. However, to my story, and it is of a boarding house in Washington. I have a room-mate who is In the Department cf Agriculture, and poses as a man who knows | a good thing when he sees it, and only | lives in a boarding house because Uncle Sam Is too mean and close to board him at a first-class hotel. Not long ago he was feeling like a last year’s almanac, so he said, and as he got no better, he concluded he would go and consult a physician ‘The doctor, put him through the tests and thén took a general surs him at a distance of about ‘Um—er,’ he say you slept well? “ Pairly, doctor. “Um—er—take any exercise?’ ‘Some, doctor, but not much.’ “*Um—er, do you experience a sense of fullness after mea The patient became suddenly “Of course I don’t, doctor,’ he energe: house.” “The doctor wanted to charge him a dol- lat extra for concluded the sierk, “but he begged off. a A Real Veteran. jhe was a man of fifty-five, say, grizzled and gray and rather worn,but with it all had an air of contentment not generally char- acterizing his class. His face was not re- lgiously clean, but it was enough so to show that the lines in it were not at ail bad. On the contrary, they were so good that when the policeman waked him up in Lafayette Park he merely warned him that he couldn't make a lodging house of the park benches and told him either to stay away or awake. “I'm tired,” said the lodger, “and I didn’t get to bed last nigh “Why not? Sick bab; “No; slept in a hay mow. ‘Oh, tramping it, are you?” “Kinder that way. Lived part of the time up here ‘round Leesburg. “You're not a regular tramp, are you?” inquired the officer, who thought he knew the earmarks, “No, I'm a volunteer. Walked down from Leesburg to take a look at the capital. Hadn't any money to spend at home and thought I might as well be seein’ the coun- try at the same expense. Walkin’s cheap if 'a man’s got health.” “Married?” asked the policeman, curi- ously. “No, sir; not at present; been a widower for seventeen years.” “Why don’t you join the army if you like traveling so well and have no home tle: The lodger on the park bench laughed softly and with a sense of satisfactiun that was comforting even to a policeman who has nearly everything on earth a man ought to have. “Well, young fellow,” he said, in beauti- ful harmony with the tone of his laugh, “I've tried war, four years of it, under Lee and Mosby in Virginia, and I've tried matri- mony, seven years of it, under a woman with a stump nose and a sharp tongue, and if it’s all the same to you, I don’t want any more war and I'm not hankering for home ties. If you'll tell me where I can get a bed for a dime I reckon I'll go blow myself off. to one.” And the policeman was so pleased that he offered him the use of a dime he had to spare, but the Loudouneer flashed a two-dollar note on his friend and moved out of the park whistling. Se SES Costly Messages. Sixteen thousand dollars is said to be the record price paid for a cablegram, that price having been paid for a message sent by Mr. Henniker Heaton to Australia in behalf of the British parliament. Reuter’s account of the murderer Deeming’s trial, cost $8,000. A 1,800-word dis- pick sow pene to, Aecsiins cose Fe The most expeneive vate message ee ee pnt ge Duke of Abruzzi, at io Janeiro, in- forming him of the death of his father, fee tate Dake cf Aneta, which cook. 45.070. New York Times’ cable dispatch of the pope See treaty some years ave y be ais usual igoro’ aid, with ie confidence; ‘i live in a boarding ‘PHILANDER JOHNSON? Written for The Evening Star. The Point of View. I hear the city folks a-tellin’ how they'd rather dwell Where bees is makin’ honey all the day. Where sunbeams goes a-dancin’ through the cool an’ shady dell Or jines the brook a-laughin’ in its play. But, when it comes to “ ‘dratherin’ ” I may as well confess I'm out o’ tune with all that city lot. It’s nice when they describe our rural pleasures; but I guess When it comes to livin’ here, '@ rather not. The brooklets may be purty as the pebbles glint and glow, = Like jewels lyin’ loose in lavish wealth, But I'd rather have a spigot, an’ ice water there to flow, Even if it ain't so good for people's health, An’ when it comes to sighin’ for the hum- min’ of the bees, An’ the zephyr which, with roses, stops to play— To tell the truth, I'd rather have the buz- zin’ and the breeze Where the 'lectric fan is singin’ all the day. They talk about the forest an’ its music an’ its shade, I know them good ol’ tre: grand. But I'd rather have an awnin’ from the window front displayed, An’ I'd rather hear the music of the band. An’ that’s the way the “ ‘dratherin’ " goes; 1 reckon it proves clear That fate’ll hold our dear With city folks a wishin’ denters here, An’ me a bankerin’ so to get away. * * * Succinet. s is somethin’ t hopes at bay, they was resi- A gentleman who has long been one of the most *flicient and pepular officials con- nected with the District’s judiciary system was busily engaged when a member of bar came in and wanted to taJk about th war, “Now, this board of strategy,” he began, “has been subject2d to a great deal of criti- crm. And in my opinion there might be some very desirable changes made in its policy. There was no response except aiching of the pen. “Don’t you tak> any interest in the wa: “Oh, yi Was the answer. “But there no use of taking up so much time in ex pressing the situation. I'm a man who I been trained to methodical thought and concise forms of expression. I’m no exce Pp tion to the rule. I have the whole thing figured out for myself. And here it is in a nutshell.” He passed a piece of legal cap over the On the paper was written: dewey 1. hey 02. a rapid se a mpson 22 What's this ? “No. That expresses the present status | of affairs. ‘Dewey won. Schley ought to. | Sampson ought to, too.” And that's ali there is to be said on tne subject. * x x Struck Him as Unreasonable, “I don't see,” said Senator Sorghuim's po- litical protege, “why it is that the sugar trust objects to paying it’s full share of taxes. “Young man,” said Senator Sorghum, re provingly; “did you ever read Shekes peare?” “Some,” was the answer. “Shakespeare was a great man. A very great man; one worthy of the profoundest respect. He is one of the few people who ever made money out of poetry, and he de- serves to be looked up to. There is one par- ticularly impressive sentence of his, one that is too beautiful and profound to be forgotten. It is something about this earth being a circus.” “Oh, yes. ‘All the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players.’ ” “Ioxactly.”” “But what has that to do with the sugar trust not paying taxes?” “1am afraid you do not estimate the po- tency and grandeur of that institution as 1 do. If the sugar trust does not yet own the earth I have no doubt that it will. And who ever heard of anything so absurd as a proprietor and manager being required to pay his way for his own show?” -s The Emergency and the Man. It was not the fault of the landlady. She strove patiently and conscientiously to make the place homelike and pleasant. There peace might have reigned and joy expanded had it not been for a lady who thought the landlady ought to have help. That she meant well none would be so cynical as to deny. She was assisted in her attempts to make life less monotonous for her fellow boarders by her daughter, a small seven-year-old girl with abnormal powers of obedience and whose most prom- inent facial characteristics were freckles and a look of resignation. Whenever the two were present the other people would talk fast, because they knew any lapse in the conversation would be seized upon to require Ethelinda to come forward and re- cite. The hard, mechanical sense of duty ‘Indicated by the child's manner of compli- = a ; i i perfectly willing that he should thus mo- nopolize her genius A new boarder came to a member of Congress; a man éf impressive demeanor, as became his importanc There was a hush among the people who {had assembled in the parlor just prior to the dinner hour. They were all nder slight restraint; all except Ethelinda’s mother, “Dearie,” said she, “won't you something for the ladies and gentlemen?” As she spoke she placed her hand betw the c.uld'’s shoulders and gave her a push out into the middle of the floor. “Yes,” put in the young man with large ears, “recite that plece about ‘Curfew Shall Not Ring Tonight.’ The prodigy hesitated in embarrassment. ““England’s sun was prompted her mother. She looked up at the ceiling, and, » sly rumpling a fold of her frock b n her thumb and forefinger, proce slowly setting, v ingland’s sun was slowly setting, When the maiden grabbed the bell ‘Come, what mean you?’ cried the “Oh, ‘I hate to tell. But tonight I go out riding And I have no bell in sight, And I fear those bold policemen, Curfew—must—not—ring—tonight!’ * turned and with a bland Her mother, gasped looked, young man, pale, but the suggested, have that new one.” xdigy promptly began. “We will all be there when the orchestra play: We'll give her applause and we'll throw bouquets. In the ballet she stands in the foremost Tov nody’s grandmotter, boys, you applause was tremendous. “Don't you know any more?” inquired the member of Congress. “Where she learned that ribald trash is more I can tell!” exclaimed her in- dignant mother. How about “Hostler Jo asked the young man in a nonchalant tone. Ordinar- ily sue met with hilling ned with rful expe litue gicl | piped up, “Plump was Annie, plump and pretty, when she got di trav maried ‘Ostler Joe d and then went out and ith a sh She play one winter's night: ) It shocked forward to recit | But for her the blow was fatal. { found out, alas, | 1¥e was all the audience present, and he came in on a pass.” She soon “My child, 1 Sut the re the room this——” 1 by the ap- & demorstrations, under whose cover r LeW prompter gave another hint. The made the littie bow with which she each selection and went on: shes, m sh them nice and While I play on this piano > two-step march so swi And brush up my old clothes, Be hasty and don’t get gay, Queen of the I'm to be Queen of the May thélinda,” said the mother, in a cold, hard voice, “I shall give you one more | cbance to redeem yourself. You may come aw from that part of the room and rm cite Casablanca. I think pc you will be able to do that without any of this rude interference Again the littie bow and e shrili-keyed voice took up rhythm: mother, ¥, mother! ain the sm: the familiar The boy stood on the burning deck Whence ail but him had fled. They called to him; he wouidn't budge And this is what he said: "Go, save yourselves, [' linger here; It’s hard to hav> to toast, But I am such a chestnut that I ought to get a roast.” Her mother was too much overcome to speak. She did not ev protest when the young man asked for “The Face on the Floor,” and Ethelinda gave— It was a balmy evening and a goodly crowd was there, A man 51 ped up before the bar; he had no cash to spare. He turned away. He vainly tried to hurry through the door, And then the big bart3nder pushed his face upon the floor, “Of cours? you know “Paul Revere’s Ride?” said the young man innocently. “Yes,” answered Ethelinda, whose ex- pression had gradually assumed a radiance and satisfaction quite foreign to it. She | bad never before be2n so appreciated. With alacrity she plunged into the lines— Listen, my children, and you shall hear Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere. It was on an electric railway train, He would go away and com? back again, He took up fares and he pulled the string Which caused a machine to remark “Ding, ding.” Her mother dashed into the middle of the room and carried the child away. Ethelinda is n>ver permitted to recite now when her mother is present and the young man with large ears is the most popular person on the block. aes How He Built the Road. A Washington man who put in ten yeers of soldiering in the regular army of the United States, five years of it on the fron- tier with the cavalry in Indian campaign- ing, and the other five in the heavy artil- lery, was recently appointed a captain and assistant adjutant general in the volun- teer service, and he is now attached to the staff of General Miles. He is a man of ability and great unpretentiousness. A few days before he donned his uniform he went over to Fort McHenry, Baltt- more, on official business. A War Depart- ment clerk went along with him. When the two men arrived at Fort McHenry’ the new captain pointed to a long shell road that runs threugh the post. “Do you see that nm ?" asked the cap- tain. “Yes.” “Well, I made that whole road myself. It was as tough a job as I ever perform- ed, and as bitter,a period, but it did me a heap of good. was serving with an ar- tillery regiment, part of which was sta- tioned here, and one night when I was on guard the officer of the day crept up on me unawares and found me sitting down cn a pile of gunny sacks, neglecting my pest. I gota general court-martia! neglect of duty on post, and was sentenced