Evening Star Newspaper, February 19, 1898, Page 14

“We meet up wif s6thé Very queer peo- ple in our line of wmaimess,’” said the con- ductor of a yellow car on the Metropoliian line, a“Gay or two ago, to a Star reporter, “but ome of-the -queerest. struck me last Saturday. “It was on the down trip. and we were below Dupont Circle. when one of these bang-up women, whese “hanies gét printed columns of the papers about seven days out of six got aboard the car. were running light, and, few stops to make, were going sicw, In order not to overrun our time and bunp hith''the greem-car ahead. mzaking just as good time, ef course, as if we had had to stop at every corner and Hke the mischief between corn- ers, but the woman I was telling you about Was evidently nervous because we weren't I suppose she had bids to a whole lot of 5 o'clock teas all along tha was afraid she might have to any rate she on pened tha having ve then fon ge line, and cverlook Coanecticut we faster. one or avenue, two. At beckoned to me, and I went inside. that than if we “But don’ Yes'm.’ we were er than thi we going very slow, conductor?” ed to her how things were, and making better time really had more stops to make. she asked. told. her, ‘cause I wasn’ going to Ii her outdo me in foolishness. “Then I would really T a as you plex: “Thank * 3a Now. wa But, would th Connecticut fs a prett asked Mejor r his own Charles € Light dence. and fight driven ! “There w our eavatr: to Strasbu pike was s army; an lel uns, ¢ baggage and pursuers. the press as { same woman lated this incident sbservation during the war: Artille w n car when it comes along?” tu for your courtesy, conduc- and I will remember what r go by and has ek ee AW who was a that it w He now sons, ammunition bering and taking prisoners. “A private of the 5th New York Cavalry, ) a wagon, orfered the five men who were in it to surrender; and when they théfr horses Into a wiider gal- with his revolver and riding up t only lash lop he shot two brought in three others. “The usually gallant and elastic south- ern infantry was so stupefied by fatigue and cowed by defeat that it seemed like @ flock of animals, actually taking no no- tics of mounted men and officers from our e@rmy who wandered into the wide confu- sion of ite retreat. me ay day t six-pi eft of the Not a po of his gun. “In his rige he encountered a retreating confederate battery, and, galloping up to it, ordered it to face about. was then lieutenant of Company D of the Ist Rhode Island Artillery. The he had lost the left gun of his battery on a retreat. I now speak of he had been riding ahead skirmish line to see if there were sibility of making up for the loss ing thing to do. “““t was told to go to the rear as rapidly as possible,” remonstrated the sergeant in command. r of pistols ut ant Gra in the society It so hap- We were the green car behind us run ve a good deal ould get off this car and you would, if you've got distance to go,” says I as polite aken the . in the calm satisfaction ving to get down town a -apture a whole battery piece of work, isn’t it?” t. one of the good-na- joor tenders at the Senate, the other attentive listen- and then the ich came un- at the battle of Cedar n, “and the man who ac- daring feat was Captain of the Ist Rhode Island lives in Provi- eridan, with his dashing bravery ture, had repulsed Early and im down the creek. no rest for the enemy or for All the way from our camps a distance of four miles, the ith the debris of a beaten the scene in Strasburg itself was such a flood of confused flight and chase, such a chaos cf wreck and bedlam of panic, as few other defeats of the war can paral- wagons, wagons and ambulances by the hundred. with dead or entangled and strug- gling horses, were jammed into the streets of the little town, impeding alike fugitives Our troopers dodged through best they could, pistoling, sa~ On this day It was a dar- were cocked and ) Itetephone who wanted to speak with the Cclorado senator. the matter. siding with great cott said: ability so to do. worth of this story. neard in the shed. A few afternoons ago men went around to see how his horse was coming on and was amused The sergeant-at-arms was delegated to ge and see who it was and how important He returned shortl ae the senator that Mrs. W« been out attending a reception, had returned home to find herself locked out and unable to effect an entrance. “She wants you to come right home and let her in,” continued the sergeant-at- ‘ms. Turning to Senator Hoar, who was pre- dignity, Senator Wol- “Mr. Chairman, can you appreciate how extremely fortunate it was | was not there when she reached Even the staid old father of the Senate could not help smiling at the peculiar sit- uation. Senator Wolcott added that he had heard of mem bei locked out, but that this was the first in a thing had befallen one of the weaker sex. x ke ok OK There is a newspaper man in Washington who prides himself on his knowledge of good horses and has a young animal who is very fleet of foot, This newspaper man’s friends have heard often how this horse has made a mile in 2:18, but they have never had an ocular demonstration of its and ine who for me that I instance where such But that has very little to do with the There is a certain institution in Washing- ton where boys and girls are taught the mysteries and intricacies of elocution and physical culture. This fleet-footed horse is stabled in a shed in the rear of the in- stitution. Everything that is said or done in the elocution school may be distinctly the newspaper to find it t | foing through a series of antics and exer- you believe it, vant thiee since on | system of equine physical mue, and every time she | newspaper man say: have the system out of it. arything about it. I believe that brotherless. office, with Buchanan. ethers. good deal. more than I. if he doesn’t get * * “In Washington, P! cises that were truly amusing. At first he thought that the horse was ill movements were indicative of great pain. He sat down on a basket in the shed and watched for further developments. Pretty soon he heard the commands of the teacher in the school and the voices of the class in chorus. He claims with all solemnity that the horse followed every command with a gyration of its own. and its In other words, his horse ha¢ originated a culture. The 3 that Ne will try and introduced stables, and hopes to make some money in other kek KK Ok “There is something that Washington- jans have seldom seen,” said an old-timer the other evening as Abner McKinley turn- ed the corner of 15th and F streets. “I refer to a brother of a President. Abner McKinley is one of the few men who have ever been brother of a President. That is, so far as Washingtonians know Garfield had a brother, but I don’t think he ever came to Wasn- irgton while his brother was in the White House. Grant didn’t have a brother, and Hayes and Arthur That is, we never heard of eithér having a brother visit him while in were 0 one I have talked with can remem- ber that Lincoln had a brother visit him in the White House, and the same is true And I presume there are Remember, I don't say that tha Presidents I have inentioned were brother- less. I merely comment upon the fact that old-time Washingtonians fail to remember that those Presidents had brothers whd visited them here while in office and he- came familiar figures’on> the stroeés,. as Abner McKinley has:done. * * & Es hiladelphia, Cincinnati and other cities you find that, men. who ride in street cars are extremely courteous tc wemen,” said a man who has trayeled a ‘They invarlably offer their seats to women if all the seats are tuken. “In New York. it s.different. on reading their papers as if oblivious to the fact that a dozen or more women may be standing in. the. aisles. New Orleans, and the men there are cour- teous by birth, so”to see women standing up and men sitting down in the oars in New York caused considerable surprise tc me when I first went there. “It was fully two months ‘before I be- came accustomed to it, and now I keep my seat, when I am fortunate enough to get one, regardless of who is around -me, un- less, of course, I see an elderly woman or some one whom I firmly believe needs it Men keep I was born in “I am convinced that the reason the men of New York do not show the same gallant spirit toward women in the that they did a generation ago is that the women have become unappreciative.. Sel- dom do you see a woman acknowledge her appreciation of the favor of a seat. “Now, a man enjoys knowing that what he has done for another is appreciated, and that either In one way or another it is only a matter of time before he becomes cal- That's what is the matter street cars acknowledgment with “Hold! he shouted. ‘You don’t know | loused. who I am. I am one of those d—d Yanks. | the men of New York. You are surrounded by Union forces, and “T am glad if a move is made to disob will be shot best-natured in Congré often persists in Injecting some ludicrous remark or statement at a time when there ts occasi at the night, wh sion, a se rooms immediate he is a memb ington. down like dogs. _countermarched it off alone, when n of our cavalry came up and made Gray’ rtuinty. It was part. He is was invincible as in fight. of Secretary Alger. ee aie enator Wolcott of Colorado is one of the embers of the upper house is usually the life of the meetings of those committees of which tr. He is always quick to see side of a question, and very and he 2 for most seriousness. ner, before Senator W. bimetallism mi: One night, ant came to the my order you Come, coun- anc "s t cansed that southern nerve. that I ever heard Gray nt in which he took such modest in He a medal of honor, and doubt- e will when the matter is brought te Gray eral Alger’s command a part of uring the war. plcott went mn, he was jant at the meetings of the ommittee, which were heid toward mid- the committee was still in ses- committee said there was some one at the Washington are street car favors.” plied. "torches. always to say that the women of appreciative of * * eK Kk Monday night a large force of men were working on the street car tracks in 15th street near the treasury building. j of dozen old-fashioned tin torches alded in making light for the workingmen. About 10:30 o'clock a prominent down- town merchant, with his wife, came along and stopped. The man looked about him and breathed in deep inhalations: “Come, John, let us hurry on,” said the woman, as she tugged at his coat frock. “Wait a minute, my dear,” the man re- “I want another smell of that.” “Oh, come on, It is too cold to wait here,” the woman persisted. Then he explained to her. “My dear, if you had ever been in the circus business you could appreciate my feelings when I inhale the odor from those When I was a young man I wes private secretary to the owner of a circus, and I sold tickets. The odor from those torches brings back to me with distinctness my experiences on the road. When spring comes around I always have a desire to see the red wagons and blue seats, and I presume I Shall always have those feel- poet A couple Said he: He took one more deep inhalation and started on with his wife for home. THE EVENING-STAR, SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 1897-24 PAGES. WAS T6 THE MANNER BORN There was a “lean and hungry” look about him as he opened the door of the lunch room and advanced toward the desk. “I want to see the proprietor,” he said, with the air of one born to command. bear ex puacoseng ied pe irae Se mien glance the heavy fringe on the strangér’t pantaloons, the I-have-seen-better-days as- pect of his torn coat, and the mutilated and discolored appearance of his hat. “Well, what'll you have?’ he said, short- ly, his eyes moving suggestively toward the door and back again to the stranger. “Sir,” said the latter, straightening him- self and proudly throwing back his head, “you see before you a gentleman to the PATRIOTISM FOR REVENUE “Say,” sald the seedy-looking man, walk- ing up to the group of citizens standing on the street corner and exchanging views as to what @ simple thing it would be for the United States to blow the rest of the world off of the map in case of hostilities—“‘say, I wish you gentlemen would tell me, honest Injun, cross your hearts and hope to die, if you don’t think it would be the bounden duty of. every right-minded and patriotic citizen of arm-carrying age to offer his services to Uncle Sam in case we happened to get tangled up with any effete foreign power.” “That's what!” the citizens chorused in reply to the seedy man. “Well, that’s what I’ve been think- A SHOT WITH A HISTORY 2 = A twenty-four pound round shot, with a short chain attached,’.néw lying on the table of General ‘Superintendent Kimball of the life-saving-seryico, calls up a noted occurrence long @ Forgotten, except by a few old people, was in its time a celebrated case. is no less than the first shot ever. 4n the United States for the purpose’ fing life, and after performing its itPgebie service it lay for over twenty veers the bottom of the sea. = On the 26th of , 1849, the Brit- ish ship Ayrshire. from Newry, Ire- land, bound for ‘ork, -with 202 per- scns on board, mi iy itemmigrants, seeking homes and fortune. ig:the states. In those manner born, who has just returned from | days transatlantic steamers Were not num-|ing myself right along,” the stranger ease nd—"* ae ted the pro- | crows the first Lib Fn the Cunarders,/ went on confidentially, “and I am “That's Interrupt | having. been only nine years 1 1 prietor, there was a coldness in his | Lego; = and thousarsie of immigrants were | Sonu! ely _ Wiad fo" happen’ upon” 8 body of representative citizens who are of the same mind. While the time had perhaps not yet arrived for us to have our names enrolled, it’s a good thing for us all to be on record as being willing to sacrifice voice that reminded the stranger of an Alaska blizzard he had-read about. “There's the door,” went on the man be~, hind the desk, pointing toward that aper- ture. ed in the famous sailing packets of the ti time. Six weeks later the Ayrshire ‘was Off the port of destination in the midst of a northeast tempest, which rolled and ‘} Pitched ‘her‘about-with great fury. © “Surely I am at liberty to ask a civil} ” about midnight. of January 12, 1850, she | homes and fresiies in defense of our glori- question,” remarked the stranger, in an 5 errit force, heeled eT ee injured tone. “I merely wanted to know SRE Dotto pathy teprific Cope Arie euiees EA es over. toward the begch and the sea began to sweep ovér her sides in great volumes that. drenched. and terrified all on board. “And that’s the right kind of talk, too,” the price of a square meal.” said the citizens in unison. “Twenty-five cents, and in advance!!” “Not, gentlemen, but what in my own snapped the proprietor. Many of the passengers were women and | case, individually’ and personally.” the ‘The stranger sighed and stepped back a | cutiare, waded into one | seedy roceeded, “ ‘ Pace. “Unfortunately for me at the pres-|-Cr nem ‘who were either cro ly man pi led, “I might find myself small deck houses or lashed to the bulwarks and rigging to prevent their be- ing swept overboard. The night was dark and bitter coid and for two hours despair reigned on board, for there was. little hope that the ship “would hold together until morning and no hope of escape should she go to pieces before that time. However, about two hours after she struck, the half frantic company beheld a flash of light inshore, then detected a sound es of a muffled cannon, @ minute later heard a heavy iron ball crash on board. That was the ball referred to. Attached to it was a life Hine that was to be the means of rescuing all save one of the entire num- ber on the -Ayrahire. A larger line was soon drawn to the ship by the sailors, and then came the life car, then a new and un- tried device. It was a smaji tron boat oov- ered over so thet it was very nearly alike en both sides, and having in the top an opening through which persons to the num- ber of six or seven could crawl and then shut themselves up, when they would: be hauled ashore. To some of the more timid ‘the remedy seemed almost as bad as the disease, but all finally concluded that in the little ark was to be found their only safety, and eventually all save one were taken: to the land without the smallest mishap. The person lost was a Mr. Bell of New York, whose sister and her two or three daughters had been placed in the car and were about to be sent ashore when he insisted upon ac- companying them. As there was no room for him inside the car he foolishly under- took to cling to the outside of it, and, as a matter of course, was washed off end drowned. Soon after the storm was over the hulk of the wreck began to settle down in the sand and was finally wholly covered up. There it lay for twenty-three years, when a heavy gale set up a strong current along shore that dug away the sand and once more exposed the skeleton of the old wreck to view. A party of wreckers were soon on board and in searching the cabin came across the old mortar ball. ‘There was no doubt of its identity, and it was returned to the companionship of the little mortar which. sent it whizzing sea- ward on its errand of humanity more than twenty years before. Since the recovery of the ball it and the mértar have been on exhibition at all the great interstate and In- ternational expositions. At present they are awaiting transportation to the exposi- tion at Omaha. When the Ayrsiiire was wrecked the life- saving service of“thé United States, now so important, was little more than a name, and many a ship's.cempany was thereafter lost on the black and ygly coasts of Long Island and New Jersey E It is known that'during the twenty years from 1850 to 187@:as afany lives were lost by shipwreck on ‘she itwo coasts named as were lost under the prosent Jife-saving sys- tem in the next twenty years on all the ocean and lake céasts of the entire coun- try. s > eomewhat hampered, should the summons to the field of action reach us right here and now as we stand, by the fact that, ow- ing to a series of unfortunate circumstances over which I have had no control, I really have not dined for four full days. Just at this moment, therefore, willing and even eager as I should be to shoulder a musket or clank a cutlass in aid of this smiling land of ours, I fear that I might find my- self out of condition physically to give a very excellent account of myself on the field or deck of battle. To serve it out to you dead straight, gentlemen, as the phrase runs, I feel myself so fnternally depleted that I honestly believe that any middling strong Spanish soldier of seventeen years of age would have no difficulty whatever in picking me up and throwing me over a trocha four miles wide with one hand tied behind his back and without half trying with the other. Gentlemen, I surge with patriotism, and I rage inwardly at the con- tumely that a degenerate race attempts to thrust upon us as a whole people; and when I reflect that but one solitary square meal would put me in prime condition to resent, in common with my co-patriots, these un- heard-of insults, why, gentlemen—" And when every man in the group dug up his little quarter, the seedy man gave them a salute of the chapeau that was worth every cent of the donation. “When the call comes, gentlemen,” he sald, “you'll find I'll be enrolléd all right, and if I won't be able to eat up any two dozen uniformed snipes of Spanish kid s diers without cayenne or tobasco sauce for an appetizer, it won’t be owing to your lack of generosity or patriotism. —— EATEN BY SHARKS. ent moment, I gave my Inst half dollar toa poor man last night who was in search of a lodging; but, gentleman to the manner, born though I am, I can work. Ien’t there something I can do to earn a meal?’ “I think I showed you the deor once,” said the propriefor, bouncing up from hia seat. “One moment,” said the stranger, edg- ing regretfully toward the door. “I no- tice that your place is in one of the older buildings in the city, and it occurs to me that perhaps the rats are a source of an- noyance to you.” “Well, what if they are?” asked the pro- Prietor, pausing abruptly. A new light shone in the stranger's eyes, and the gentleman to the manner born in- stinct showed itself in the graceful bow he made. “Because I am a great rat exterminator. Give me a square meal and I am ready to kill the vermin, wipe them out.” The proprietor seemed impressed. He hesitated only a moment, and then bade the stranger to be seated. An hour afterward the stranger sat back in his chair with a sigh of contentment he finished his dessert. “Here is 10 cents,” he said to the waiter, “but I am a gentleman to the manner born, and spurn the thought of giving you so small a sum,” and he returned the dime to his pocket. “Now for the rat killing,” he muttered, rising from his seat. “I am going to ask you for a biscuit roll- er,” he said suavely to the proprietor. When that implement was brought he roll- ed up his sleeves in a business-like manner, and looking at those who were crowded around him, ‘Are you ready to go ahead?” he asked. “Certainly,” said the proprietor, a little puzzled. “Well, I'm ready, too. Just waltz out your rats and I'll kill them, according to the letter of my contract.” The neighbors didn’t. know just what was happening, but it seemed like a merry- go-round was in operation within the res- taurant. Half an hour later the proprietor was caressing his eye with a piece of raw beefsteak and a tall, soldierly man was walking down the street. Part of his coat- tail was gone and he looked as if he might have been used temporarily as a patent floor scrubber, but his face was illumi- nated with a seraphic smile, such as arises only from a clear conscience and a full stomach. Tragic Fate of an Aeronaut Havana Harbor. “Havana harbor is as jammed full of man-cating sharks as the Upper Orinoco 1s of alligators,” said a Washington man who lived for several years in the Cuban capital, “and, although it is a sorry enough thing to have to say, I cannot believe that trany of the bodies of the poor fellows who lost their lives in the Maine disaster will be cast up on the beach. Aside from the big man-eaters that infest the harbors of the islands in the South Pacific, close to the line, I don’t believe the waters of the whole world hold any more ravenous or ferocious sharks than those that make sea bathing in Havana harbor a luxury that is indulged in only by the most reckless and foolhardy men. The so-catled man-eaters of northern waters, big and ugly as they look, are gen- erally as rank cowards of the sea as coyotes are of the land, and a whole school of sharks of the temperate zoné will scoot from a level-headed man who keeps up a steady kicking and splashing in the water, hike a pack of released rats scurrying from a_terrier. But the sharks of Havana har- bor have got a taste of human blood— for. scarcely a week passes that some silly Havane man or boy does not get himself gobbled up by the man-eaters— and the fact is no longer disputed by sea- ‘faring men that once a shatk acquires an appetite for human beings, he will risk anything afterward to appease that appe- ———— A STEER’S STRANGE DEATH. His Horns Grew Through His Eyes and Killed Him. A squatter in the back blocks of New South Wales had a yGung steer with horns so perfectly turned that they formed two artistic loops at the sides of his head. One day “Boss” strayed with a mob of store cattle into a piece of wild country infested only by kangaroos and the out-station boundary riders’ families. a These cattle are rounded up and other- wise handled but once a year. Before this annual yarding took place “Boss’’ had, be- come a fractious terror to every animal and’ man in that range. “He had terrified aid scattered the herd that was once his mates; he had charged madly every kind ‘person who was wont to pat him. . Because his horns ‘curled like those of a sheep he was called “Sheep Head.” His mild, tractable nature added to this delusion of lik him to a lamb. Six months after his en- trance upon the range he began to act strangely. A wild look shot out of his eye under the points of the ingrowing horns, whose shadow fell heavier and heavier up- on the retina. He constantly shook his head, as if trying to rid himself of some annoyance. Then “Boss” would stand and stare at the points which were pressing the pupils rearly up against the sockets. He became more irritable and unfriendly. He roared, stamped, shook his crazed head and stared at the creeping things before his vision. At last “Boss” went mad and bellowed through the right like an.enraged demon. He chased everything in sight, and vicious- ly dashed himself against the forest trees. The mere tramp of a foot angered him. The points of the horns were cruelly pressing his helpless eyes back in their sockets, and every jar upony the ground tortured his brain and enraged him. ‘‘Boss’’ had scat- tered the mob of his ruminating mates and had so terrorized the few people about that fences did not give a sense of security. Wo- men and children lived in mortal dread of the unfortunate beast. At length his maddened roar was heard no more. About a month after that the out-boundary rider went out with dogs and a Winchester rifle to end the suffering of “Sheep Head Boss.” After searching for two days the bullock was found. ‘Boss’ was dead. He was lying under a clump of acacia, less sweet than their blossoms. He had evidently been dead for a week or more and had been blind for months. The horns had grown into the eyes and almost touch- ed the bone of the skull behind. The head of the poor beast was as strange an object as ever was seen. Tke horns of “Boss’’ were never curved by any art. They grew as nature directed their fatal tips, and, umless sent to the Royal College of Veterinary Surgeons, Eng- land, the preserved head still hangs upon the door of the Darling out-station, where “Bose” lived and died. —————— LAW OF SELF-DEFENSE. ry. The old life cat: hasbeen superseded by a lighter, thengip,lerger one, and for or- Ginary rescues 9g, \eyice, known .as the breeches buoy ‘was adopted. By this agency two persons thay be taken ashore at a time, and when thé mimber on board is small, as-is usually ‘thetcase, it is much the handier and preferable appliance. A modern line-firing gun,.too, hag taken the place of the old mortar. This gun {s the invention ‘of Capt. B. A. Lyle 6f the United States atmy and a zealqua,member of the. life-saving. board on devices for rescuipg the shipwrecked. -To its design and aley ne he devoted: shim- self as to a labor of Jove, and with zhe result that today. the life-saving service of the United States has the most farereach- Ing gun and the best equipments. pertinent to it of any similar establishment in the world—the gun, the powder, shot and line being manufactured expressly for it. The old round shot and mortar had their day and are entitled to respectful atten- tion and the gratitude of many. a rescued castaway, but the Lyle gun, with its ex- tended range and unfailing reliability, is as much ahead of the old-time appliance as the modern cannon is in advance of the ancient carronad . “When the city of Havana was celebrat- frig, six years ago, the anniversary of the virth of the young King of Spain, the fiext biggest feature of the blowout after the bull fights was a balloon ascension by” a Spanish aeronaut named Ramon Margulies. I was spending the holiday on an electric launch with a party of friends, and in the afternoon we watched for the ascension. Along about 4 o’clock we saw the batoon shoot into the air from one ‘of the minor plazas, with Margulies, dress- in gymnast’s tights, hanging by his legs from the trapeze suspended beneath the basket. The air was very still, and the aeronaut had apparently figured on making a reasonably high straight-up as- cent, and then, by pulling the escape valve, to descend within the city or on its out- skirts. As he must have known how thickly the harbor was infested with sharks, he could certainly not have se- riously entertained the thought of letting his balloon descend in the harbor. “At any rate, when his balloon reached an altitude of about half a mile, we could see that it had swam into a current of air that plainly began to carry it over the harbor. With the aid of our glasses we could perceive the aeronaut climbing from the trapeze into the basket, and, a moment or so after, ke disappeared from view, it became apparent to us that he had pulled the escape valve, for the bal- loon began to rapidly descend, but by the time the valve was opened the upper air current had carried the balloon well over the waters of the bay. The engineer of our launch, at my direction, started four bells for the spot in the water where we figured the balloon would descend, for we all knew that the aeronaut would not be long in the water before the sharks got after him. The balloon came down too swiftly, however, for the launch to be of any assistance to Margulies. We were two hundred yards away when the basket of the almost collapsed balloon struck the water. Just befere the basket touched the water Margulies appeared on its edge and dived head first into the har- bor, in order, apparently, to prevent his becoming entangled with the basket net- ting. We saw his head bob up once, and we put on all power to reach him with ‘the launch. But when he saw a dozen big man-eaters’ fins cleaving the water straight for the spot where the unfortu- nate aeronaut’s head had appeared, we knew that it was all up with him. He did not show at the surface again, and when we reached the spot where he had Jumped in we sew nothing but little eddies of blood on the surface of the water. The sharks had torn him to pieces.” — By Way of Illustration. From the Cleveland Plain Dealer. “Mr. Trimmer,” said the artless girl, “what is a labial salutation?” “Wh-why,” stammered Mr. Trimmer, “I— I—that is, I might per-perhaps illustrate it, b-but I d-don’t think—” “Why not, Mr. Trimmer? Here is a pen- cll and paper—please show me.” Mr. Trimmer trembled with agitation. He was a decidedly bashful young man. “I am such a poor hand at Illustrating,” he murmyred. “Please, Mr. Trimmer.” “Well,” he gasped, “if you will promise to shut your eyes while I'm doing the @-drawing, I'll t-try.” ‘The pretty girl closed her eyes, the wick- ed Trimmer leaned triumphently forward, there was a long drawn chee-chee-cheep, and all was over. “Why, Mr. Trimmer,” said the pretty girl, as her eyes flew open, “is that what it is?" “Yes, yes,” cried the frightened. youth, Se eee NOTED FOR BEAUTY. One Characteristic of the ‘Teachers of Washington. “I'll tell you one thing,” said the young man stenographer from the west, who got his job in one of the departments recently and who has been rioticing things pretty carefully since he came to Washington, “this burg’s got the prettiest set of school teachers I ever saw anywhere, and that’s no lie. Out where I come from, say, the School teachers have got faces as hard as mallets and glassy stares, and a general freezy way about ‘em that makes a fellow that meets up with one of ’em feel like he’s about seven years old and in the third grade all over again. And, honest, they all seem to me to be about eighty-five years old, at that. It’s the same in a whole lot of other big towns in the south and west that I've worked in. Well, when L struck this town a friend of mine took me to his boarding house that’s right next dcor to a big school house. My room’s a second-story front room, and commands a view of the entrance to the school, and, say, the second morning that I was there I looked out of the window just about a quarter of an hour before school ‘took in,’ and, gee whiz, I saw a procession of pret! fresh-looking, swell, stylishly dressed young women a-streeling up the steps of that school house that made me think I was taking an Easter Sunday turnout. “Say,’ says I to my room mate, who's a Washington man born and bred, ‘what do you make o’ this parade of almighty pretty girls a-walking up those school house steps? Is it a nae cys nea and are they pu- Pils, or what thé dickens, anyhow?’ “*Pupils, nothfie;' says he. “They're teachers.’ 19070) “Well, I gave'Kimi the hoot, of course, but he stuek to sé seriously that I, ot course, had to bélievé him. “Weill,” says ¥/té“him, finally, ‘they’re the pick of all the school teachers in town, then, sent down rere ause it's a down- tewn school house, just to impress visitors.’ ““*Not much théy air’t,’ says he. ‘All the school teachers *fn ‘this town are pretty enough to eat and’ just! as nice as they are pretty. There aifit afything but fine-look- ing oe living i Washington, anyhow,’ says he. $e Well, say, I Giin'tbelieve him when he said that all the‘teachers in all the schools were just as attréctive'as those I had seen, and so the next!’ morning, before office hours, we hustled around on our bikes to three schools ji begers school ‘took in,’ and blamed if I saw a single teacher in the lot ‘that wasn't ‘pretty tnd sweet looking enough for a fellow to marry out of hand on the spot. I wrote home and toid my sisters out west about this, and they’ve been writing back to me and telling me that I'm in a t and must be mistaken. But I'm not mistaken. I don't want to see any nicer looking. girls the school teach- ers of this town, afd you hear me a-talk- School Where Protection Ends and Revenge Begin: From the London Mail. The right of self-defense is by some old writers declared to be inherent if all men by the law of nature. Now_these “natural rights” are all very well, but they are not recognized by the ‘aw of Great Britain. It is the law that a man may defend himself, his wife, child, or servant, from physical eggression. He may also repel by force a fercible attack upon his property. When ycu, or your wife, child, or servant is at- tacked, or threatened with violence in such a manner as reasonably to lead you to believe that violence is about to be used, you may resist the aggressor. And as the best mode of resistance is very often to attack, you may lawfully follow the advice given by an old prize fighter to a pupil, ie., “get in the first whack.” But self- defense must be moderate, It must not be totally disproportioned to the attack. For instance, {f a hulking ruffian runs at me with a knife (says the “Family Lawyer” for February), I may shoot him. But if he rcns at me merely with his fists clenched, and I shoot him dead with a revolver, I skall probably be hanged by the neck. Not that the law expects a man to be calm and cool and collected in all circumstances. By no means. For instance, if the said berly ruffian rushes at me with clenched fists, evidently meaning mischief, and I hit him mitts a — stick om t ba eee pe ae sae Fg iP har Poem ear, I may im. But shall no! 7 ‘ “Never mind about the Webster,” said -hanged for that. I had a right to use the : All ‘Alike. “Trimmer is good enough stick; ind in the circumstances I am not | From the Indianapolis Jourmal. ae ee ee oe to be suj ipposed to be cool enough to aim fo: @ spot not Iikely to be fatal. Again, self- defense must not develop into revenge. EA eaten pecs with S ap and | by t e y of a pistol I frighten ty assailant so that he runs away, T rot shoot after him. If a “You seem to have omitted all descrip- ‘tion of yaur heroine's "6 said the pub- BY ‘PHILANDER “Z.¥ JOHNSON? Written for The Evening Star. ting from ten cents up, ter reform.” Self-Satistaction. Tam afraid that it is habit that brougat t In a spot not.get markel‘on the African | 727 ia a mister eon don't need to map Dwells a monarch of dusky hue; A swarthy, exceedingly amiable chap, The King of “‘Bizambazoo.” And he plays a guitar which is made from a gourd— The finest, of course, that the land can afford. And this Is the song warn me. I'm as scyart of habit as any- body dat travels. I know wot habit'll do fur a man. I had a friends oncet dat cot a job.” t An’ now he don't do nothin’ day in an’ day out excep’ go to work tn de mornin’, work all day an’ go home at night ter git a little sleep so’s he'll be able to work nex’ day. It’s dat way right along. only That he carols long on Sunday, an’ den dey locks ‘Im out’n de ‘To cheer an admiring and affable horde: | shop.” Lay “Oh, Spain may be proud, but she's getting in deb, And Italy's oft in a pickle. And Russia and England annoyance have met And Germary’s kaiser’s quite fickle. And Austria’s emperor thought he resign And France has a hullaballoo, So, between.you and me, I am lucky to be The King of Bizambazoo.” Why turn to pages where In print Through chapters long and ‘dreary Romancers drawl end prate and hint While men read on aweary? Here in the crowd where busy life Brings ruddy hope or pallor, Are knights who win or fail in strife Aad ladies worth their valor. And they joined in the chorus, most Llithe- ly uproarious, A jocund and lusty crew, And made their remarks both succinct and sonorous, As savages sometimes do. And the king, though his voice in the dia What tales of cunning and deceit Or generous endeavor Are told as they pass down the street And disappear forever. So rest, my book, within your nookg Your spell falls Mghtly o'er me. was sunk, 3 On deeper marvels I would 1 Still smoce the strings with a bland “plunk- tuk waky meee Hicthetegranty cau plunk.” : —__.—__ It was plain to see DRINKS WITH THE Boys, Some facts brought glee, From which if civilized they'd have shrunk. A Borro Which Has Become Sach a “We cannot pretend to be haughty like | DF®™kard That Hin Cane is Hopelens. Spin, From the St. Louis Republic. Nor to Italy's frequent adventures, For over a year past Dr. Farrell, the Nor England nor Russia's great genius for gain, Nor Germany's eloquent censures, We never see Austria’s moments of tre Nor France's exciting ado; But we're glad to remain simple subjects United States veterinarian, who is loca‘ed in this city, has been the owner of a burro whose appetite for strong drink would shame a levee roustabout. So much tron- ble did this little brute with a freak appe- tite give him that he decided to dispose of and plain him in such a manner that the little animal Of the King of Bizambazoo.” eculd disgrace him no more. Yesterday he = gave him away to some little friends who xx live in the West End, and as the place A Ready Hxplanatio: where he will henceforth make his home is ‘The man who was addressing a real es-| not near a saloon, and no one in the faniily tate agent had mud all over the lower part | grinks, Dr. Farrell has hopes for the de- of his pantaloons. He tooked weary, but praved beast. his manner of speech had th2 energy which | -phis stran indignation imparts. nimal rejoices in the name a ... | of “Kionai Aside from his being a Ip there anything we can do for your” | drunkard hie babdis ere geod, and he ts 0 the agent had inquired when he first en-| handsome littie animal, with t tered the office. of his front legs. His a = Se atans 2" he explodea, | Pdicate that nature hac ied os ‘Haven't you done enough?” he exploded. | 1O7hou an finish that portion of him and “Aren't you satisfied? Do you wish to give had changed Rind several times while me knock-out drops and drop me over a| the said legs were being constructed” They precipice? , You rented me a house in the | have three cr four separate and distinct suburbs, didn't your” curves, and give him a very ludicrous ap- peararce as he walks. The deformity ‘is very useful to him when he gets on one of his drunks, for his staggering Is often at- tributed to the shape of his legs. For about six months after Dr. Farrell came into possession of the burro he him at Tom Wand’s stable, on South ¢ street. One day the burro wandered out of the stable Shortiy-after dinner and did not show up again until late ‘hat night On his return he hed a joad that wax too much even for a burro to carry. and after Staggering into the stable he fell in a heap on the floor, and had to be carried pack to his stall. At first it was’ thought thet he Was sick, but after he had been lifted to Lis feet several tittes and ‘had “étaggered around: the stable two or three times his true condition became known. | Arr itresti- gation as to his actions revealed the fact that he had walked into Rothschild’s Ba- loon, on the next corner, and stack his bese up on the bar, where several people were drinking beer. One of the men, as a icke, poured some beer into his mouth. Tt was a joke that the burro appreciated, for he drank the beer with avidity and kept his muzzle on the bar wmtil more beer was peured into him. The rounders who hai treated him took the burro with them to a number of saloons In the neighborhood, and every time they drank they treated the burro. During the afternoor they tried him with whisky, and he seemed to like that as well as he did the beer. He finally accumtulated such « jag that he was un- able to walk, and laid down to sleep :t off. He woke up in the alley back of Wand's stable several hours later, and was sober enough to make his way to the front door. Since then he has gone out at every cp- pertunity and got drurk. He finally be- came so bad that Dr. Farrell felt that he was a disgrace to the neighborhood. At first he thought of giving him the Keeley treatment, but abandoned the idea, and cercluded to send him away from the place where he knew so many drinkers. So the burro was sent to the coal yard of Watts & Co., at the corner of Jefferson and Scott avenues. For awhile he behaved himself and did not get drunk. Finally, however, he made the acquaintance of a Wot of “Oh, you are the—* “Yes, sir} I'm he. I’m the man who was feol envugh to look at a map and scme pictures and buy a house in the suburbs simply because Ht was cheap, and I was in a hurry to get settled. I'm the only man 1 ever heard of who did such a thing. Hx- cuse me for a minute whila I sit down here and think about mysel He dropped into a chair and looked out of the window. “I'm sure you found everything as rep- resénted.”” “I'm glad for your ake thet you're sure. i wish you could’ convince me.’* “About. what: point @re you tn doubt?" “You said that the Bouse was only three minutes’ walk from the station.” “Well, I have timed it both ways; going because I didn’t know any better and com- ing because ther> wasn’t any possible way ot getting a conveyance. And you call that weary, toilsome gallop a three-min- utes’ walk “Yes, sir. “Are you trying to make me think that Ananias was only an amateur?” “I can’t be held responsibls for your misinterpretations, sir.” “You said ‘three minutes’ though.” “Certainly, sir. But what I had refer- ence to was geographic minutes, each of which is about one-sixtieth of a degre, or one geographic mile.” x * A Verbal Confusion. The hall was empty, but the door was not lockad, and the citizen from the country walked in. It was late in the afternoon when he arrived, and almost dark when a brisk young man came in, and, after a few desultory remarks concerning the methods of janitors, lit the gas and began to move th? piano around. The country- man arose, and shuffled his feet, so as to attract attention. “Did you wish to see me?’ asked the | rcvnders, who would take him out and get young man. him gloriously drunk and then send him “Yes, sir,” was the answer. “That is to | home. Of late he has become so had that say, I think it was you as I wished to see. | he wcvld sneak out two or three times every week and have te be hauled home in But not never havin’ seen you before, so's a wagon to sleep off his jag. to be sure, I couldn't exackly say.” “Do you wish to join our organization?” “No,” was the answer, in tones of in- creasing doubt. “I don’t want to git into the stock company. All I want is to git a hired man to do chores,” “But, sir, this is not an intelligence of- fice.” “He do2sn’t have to be intelligent. The trouble weth the last one was thet he knowed too much.” “I don’t believe we can accommodate you,” the other remarked, as he turned around and r2sumed shoving the piano. “Now, look here, young man. I didn’t come here to rile you, an’ I don’t want you to rile me. I’m willin’ to go into any ar- Tangement you want to make fur gittin’ them there chores off my hands. When I seen your sign I says to myself, “There’s an institution that knows a long-felt want when it sees it, an’ orter be incouraged.’ That sign of. your'n, sir, may be your per- sonal property; but it hain’t got no right to mislead people.” “But, my dear sir, our sign has nothing to do with chores.” “What's the r2ason? There tt is as plain as day--c-h-o-r-a-1 society’—an’ ef a choral society ain’t a society fur lookin’ after chores, will you have the politeness to tell me whut it is fur?” Apart. From the Detrolt Tribune. “Jim Hisey, aged forty-eight, is a pros- Perous grain dealer in Yale. He has a wife, two sons and & davghter. Will Hi- sey, aged forty-eight, his brother, lives at Sparta. He is also married. The two men are twins, and all through life have been the living duplicates of each other. So near alike are they that even their wives cannot tell them apart. They dress alike, their voices are alike and their hair and neustaches have the same color and curls. When boys they had to be tagged so that their parents and teachers would know the difference. When Jim gets a crick in the beck Will is liable to have the same com- pleint, and when Will gets the rheumatism Jim aiso gets it precisely in the same place. They were formerly both engaged in the milling business and served on apprentice- ship under the same man. They were born in western Ontario, their parents being Ja- cob and Betsy Hisey. Jim's wife has only one way in which she can tell her husband from his brother. He has a slight curve in * - one of his fingers, which has to be held up ~_* in full view. Then be must_give —— Cd ‘The Force of Habit. ‘word before he is received Into full - hip of the home ¢ircle. Many amusing in- stances of mistaken identity are told of the two. << “ » “My friend,” said the benevolent citi- zen, “you ought to break away from your present mode of existence.” “Mister,” replied Meandering Mike, “you've sounded de key note of me am- bitions. I'm tired 0° dis life.” “I'm glad to hear you say so,” “Yes, sir. I’ve teen doin’ me best to live on no meals a day fur de last thirty-six hours, an’ I'm willin’, wit de help of any- Knowledge. From the Yonkers Statesman. Yeast—“That boy of Sharpley’s is a bright boy, isn’t he?” 'e2; but he'll know more lot that he thinks he Crimsoribeak.. when he forgets a knows now.” es I do, I-am just as Mable as though he had never threacened wetittle Tompkitis—That, fellow Brown tried to stuff me up with some of his trav-| me, because I’ shoot at hin mer in. aelf- ine Sarees lers’ tales the other day. Tal about his trip to Italy, and the waving fields of | defense, way of punishment + : ordered a gold ote? Site. Macaroni, but he didn't catch you know. ‘They don't’ wave! Puneke venge. es . ee “There must be some mistake 1 es toe